T&JTOTW: Episode 22 - How Many Kids & When To Start!

In this engaging conversation, T and J explore the dynamics of relationships, parenting, and societal expectations. They reflect on their experiences with the Oscars, particularly Kieran Culkin's heartfelt acceptance speech, which inspires a discussion on family planning and societal pressures. The couple emphasises that there is no perfect time to have children and encourages listeners to prioritise love and personal conviction over societal norms.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Love and Relationships
08:36 Kieran Culkin's Speech: A Catalyst for Discussion
17:00 Personal Experiences with Family Planning
23:07 The Burden of Societal Judgments
29:18 The Importance of Family in Society
41:52 The Pressure of Timing: When to Have Children
55:36 The Myth of the Perfect Time to Start a Family

Takeaways :
-T and J share their personal experiences and insights on relationships.
-The Oscars used to be a significant event for many, reflecting on its cultural impact.
-Kieran Culkin's speech highlights the importance of acknowledging partners in success.
-Societal pressures often dictate how many children couples should have.
-There is no perfect time to have children; love and stability are key.
-The couple discusses their own journey with three children and societal judgments.
-They emphasize the importance of personal choice in family planning.
-The conversation touches on the challenges of parenting in today's world.
-T and J encourage listeners to ignore societal expectations regarding family size.
-Family is seen as a powerful unit that contributes to community strength.

Transcript

How Many Kids & When To Start! | T&J Ep23 - 

Transcript:
(00:01) even know what he was saying was so genuine and heartfelt I think that it was coming from a place of like yeah I'm going to Wi this Oscar I'm going to when I win it two more kids on the road more kids if it's a boy they might call it Oscar they better have twins though and if the second child another girl osin oset hey welcome to T and Jay taking over the world I'm T and I'm Jay and we're taking over the world of love relationships and personal development one episode at a time uh we are not experts far from it but we have been together
(00:44) hav't we together rough 24 years but 21 almost 21 years Mar yeah she's the one who looks at the dates and remembers all those things I get I'm in the doghouse I forget um even though we again were're not experts but we' we've we've made our mistakes we've done our we've done our time on the clock so from those nuggets those triumphs and most importantly those epic failures we within reason we don't put all of our business out on blast on social media but we will give share some nuggets on what we've gone through our genuine
(01:18) lived experience because everyone's in a relationship everyone's talking about relationship everyone's a relationship expert but they're not necessarily credible in terms of miles on the clock um and they want to show you the best life you know the showman where we will show you ws and all uh and what's available on a PG-13 show family friendly keep it family friendly two decad we may not have been on an island we may not have met on an island but we've been in love for over two decades so we can teach we can teach
(01:52) them a thing or two not about Brands though can we we ain't got a single brandal to our name not right now but yeah they can teach us about you know oh yeah showmances and business and how to milk every romantic bone out of their relationships uh and Market themselves you know but we can teach them out how to you know have IRL in real life what do you what are we talking about today Mrs I know there was Oscars was on last night you thought did you feel like watching it um considering I grew up watching the Oscars so it was always a
(02:24) big thing there's an instinct in me to turn over and watch the Academy Awards watch the Oscar cuz I used to watch it with my dad when I was growing up in the 80s and then night to watch it yeah even as a kid like on a school night or at least well yeah as much as you can yeah it was a big deal back in the day you know the Oscars was a big deal oh wow well it was it was not just for those who were film fans it was it was mainstream TV it was a mainstream event I know it's hard to think that now because it's just so changed yeah I
(02:59) didn't watch you growing up at all no I didn't watch your gr up at all oh wow I know yeah so I guess why is that like it just wasn't on I guess it wasn't something my grandparents would put on so it wasn't really an interest so it's not something I I watched and obviously I didn't have a TV in my room until a certain age I think when I was 19 I got TV my no 16 or 17 something like that okay so other than talking about the Oscars that we didn't watch even though we did watch the Kier and cin speech I think Kier and culin speech and the
(03:36) Fallout of it both uh those who are endeared by it and those who are a little bit like oh bit a bit too much information about it uh has inspired us on the on these Pi of topics which are yeah one of the topics we're going to be talking about today is how many how many kids to have and how society and how coppers are affected by what Society may say or think and also the second one is when is the right time to have the kid kids is it a perfect time is it a time to you know have to Big a house or have a certain amount of cash in your pocket
(04:07) I want the money yeah uh if that was the case we would have had we would had zil kids because if it was if we had to have a certain if we had to have an abundance of money and everything in place like you know all you guys like we would have been like those who would have just basically not really had any children we literally just be me and you back now just T&J just the two of us I we would have I won't sing more in case of copy strike I mean we would have had a lot of freedom if it was just like me and you
(04:40) would probably travel load and travel all over the world get different countries you see couples do that right couples yeah I mean i' got to be careful because we're at least you know one kids is in ear shot yeah if we didn't have them life would be a part I'm joking I think I know what what do you think because I remember when like let's talk about so Kieran Cole joked about in fact you want to read what it the article we found an article to exactly what Kieran kin Academy Award winner for best boing actor Kieran cin M's little brother man
(05:11) about town said about the at his speech so yeah he says about a year ago I was on a stage like this and I very stupidly publicly said that I won a third kid from her because she said if I won the award I would she would give me the kid it turns out she said that because she didn't think I was going to win but then people came up to her and were like you know really annoying her I think I think it's got to do I think it's got to her but anyway after the show we we're walking through a parking lot she's holding the Emmy we're trying to find a
(05:43) car Emily you were there is your a witness and she goes oh God I did say that I guess I owe you a third kid and I turned to her and said really I want four and she turned to me I swear to God this happened it was over a year ago she said I'll give you four when you win an Oscar and I held my hand and out her out and she shook it and I've not brought it up until and I haven't bought it up once until just now so he's like list on his deals yeah I know those type of deals those sort of handshakes it's like promised
(06:17) you gave me a promise got to come through with it you know there's the receipts and clearly now and he's smart because now he kind of put it out there in front of the entire world on the biggest place is so everyone's waiting they're like uh where's this where's this kid where these kids popping out and unless they're twins you know kids you know it's like whatever you you promised me a kid or two if I won now who's in charge yikes yikes so what do you think about that yeah bit of Revelation wasn't it about their private
(06:52) life yeah it's a bit of Revelation that's F of the oversharing yeah that we talked about recently oversharing in on on or not social me this is bigger than that this is a this is in of all the IND the Oscars yeah the biggest the Oscars is the biggest PL biggest a z yeah biggest War Z on the planet bigger than the Grammys bigger than all the others the best actually biggest and best though it's obviously not what it used to be but anyway about what he said and stuff what do you think the concept first and foremost about the the pinky promise of
(07:24) more more kids you're a male so have a different perspective from a woman's perspective I mean how does that make you feel obviously they're in agreement about having more kids because someone want even more kids but obiously they' got two right so there's two more before but um obviously there's something that she's they've already spoken about anyway yeah so it's an agreement between both of them but it's fine but he made a joke about this and and on the night he's like he said ye of little faith do you think she she said yeah
(07:54) sure two more kids because she didn't seriously think M he was going to win an Oscar cuz when you think about it it's very remote winning an Oscar like the odds are stacked against you there's some big Heavy Hitters it's a very competitive competitive award yeah so she thought yeah I'll give you 20 kids if you win there's like oh crapes he actually won you know like what do I do I wasn't expecting him to win an Oscar now he has and now I've promised him two extra kids so do you think she was assuming that there's no way he was
(08:27) going to win especially young actor like she might have been like I she might have been genuine about it CU maybe she did want two more kids maybe she did believe in her husband that much that he's going to win no she'll say that now yeah but then yeah typical as a typical woman she'll be like oh yeah yeah of course I believed in you boo I believed every step of the way where he's like yeah right it's just because now you got caught out I am good I am that good no I think they're genuine I think because like even what he was saying was so
(08:59) genuine and heart felt I think that it was coming from a place of like yeah I'm going to win this Oscar I'm going to when I win it two more kids on the r more kids if it's a boy they might call it Oscar they better have twins though and if the second child and another girl osin oset here you go oset oset or Academia acet a wet I I make it out now so I mean what strikes me about this epic story is I think obviously I thought it was funny a funny speech I'm sure there are people on the internet you can scroll through who are offended
(09:34) like oh you know how crass to bring up you know put her on the spot like that and say you want extra kids or is her body why would you know why you you just be shouldn't be asking in the first place I'm like silly they C don't know what how marriage works you can many kids you want to be honest no one can dictate how many children you want like if someone was to say if someone I'm sure there are people that said H just happen with two kids two more who said two super who has you can have 20 kids if you want you can have 18
(10:07) kids you can have how many kids you like no one can t it so what's your experiences because obviously we've got three which in in the west he like you might as well have 20 because it's like 2.4 is the is the norm so anything above two children usually a boy and a girl people start giving hello hello like side ey like hello like are you you sure mate are you sure are you sure so obviously when it came to the third me you know because you're a Brit so when you came to the third child I what's your experience because
(10:41) obviously you're the one carrying yeah how did you what was your experience of what people thought one of my experiences wasn't a great one it was quite negative and I remember when um I felt I was preg with my third child my son and the lady was like saying to him my girls are small then they came with me and she said oh you don't need any more children you got your two lovely your two lovely daughters here don't need anymore I'm not thinking huh that's a bit weird is that even allowed are they even allowed to say that I'm bit I
(11:14) was a bit like shocked thought you supposed to put the new baby in the bin oh yeah well we know what yeah we'll keep it pg3 but we know what they implying I was just surprised at the time that someone from uh you know uh yeah medical Nur were allowed to say stuff like that um to to expect to MERS they something else as well well the doctor this is doctor now the doctor said to me when I was poing with my son B because I did have a few it wasn't showing up pregnancy test and said oh what are you going to do about
(11:51) it I said I just looked to her just quickly I just said in my first that oh I'm married but I think cuz I'm look really young from my age time I was at 27 she's probably thinking oh should that matter though because what if you were what if you were 18 or 16 17 18 19 should it matter how old you are when someone is you know a professional is talking you through the process of the fact that you're uh going to have a baby why would the first thing they be was like seeing it as a negative how did you yeah I think I think I felt
(12:28) at the time I was even again cuz that situation obviously came after the other one first one I spoke about and again I was shocked I was like what they could ask you that what are you going to do about it that's the first thing I said to it I'm a married woman my ring and stuff my engagement room wedding ring that's that I'm not going to you're going to stick your hand out like yeah my engagement ring is not on it yeah that's a story that's a story for another day folks so I went even l in that one yeah yeah so but yeah I was in
(12:59) shocked at that because that came after the first incident but I was just shocked how they even why would you even ask me that cuz at the end of the day if I wanted to do something else I would have mentioned that but obviously I'm here to keep my child yeah but that was just something that she said immediately after fin the see the positive um so did you assume then that there was a pressure there was a sense of imagine if you were younger more impressionable do you feel there was a pressure to maybe consider options where you don't have
(13:33) the child if I was younger you felt like if you were younger you think they would have been a bit more did you get the not you they were do you feel no yeah do you feel well not they go do you feel they would have put more pressure on you yeah yeah I think I definitely think so if if maybe if I said I was a married or something and then I was a single mom and I was younger yeah that might have been a different situation that's so bad isn't it it's horri bad at the end of the day number one with the first instant you can have
(14:03) as many children as you want to I could have had five six by now if I wanted to and then the second incident asked me asked that question immediately after having seen a positive pregnancy test didn't say congratulations wow like oh it's like in a tit list yeah it's just nasty I mean obviously taking care of your children yeah I was Furious when you when she when you told me I was Furious because I was like how dare you turn a a happy confirmation a happy occasion uh into something even question it as being something that you want to
(14:42) get rid of like do you want to flush the toilet do you want to do you see as a negative it was like how dare you yeah like they should follow your cue if you're happy about it they should be happy about it if you're upset about it they can console you the day it's up to the per you know you know at the end of the day I chose to have a child and I think with these medical practitioners they should like not have to say that to some opinion I mean obviously everyone's entit own opinion but I think it is going by the B
(15:15) basically that's what it's all about yeah I think going by the yeah I mean we could go into there was another incident as well but tell is that I remember my because that's when they B out the Down Syndrome yeah person said I want down syndrome um test test I said no no no supposed to be fine you said you sure she don't want to test it's almost like there one an an excuse to for you to say I don't want this third child which is horrible and I know we started off lighthearted with the c thing jibing his wife but the the bigger issue and we've
(15:49) got experiences which we're sharing and maybe you've got experience you can relate to this is society has this weird thing about how many children you have even you can for there is that show is it 22 kids en counting it's 22 22 kids yeah tell them about the show heard about it show called 22 kids en counting and the couples coming from they both they were both adopted is it fosted or adopted ad yeah adopted they knew their bi biological family and so they have I think they have a a deep seated need to keep having children so they've got
(16:23) children from the ranges of life in the 20s late 20s to like or something like that but the thing is she's good with them they're both good they're great organized they got their own business they're able to look after their kids that's fine but that's she's organized they take care of business organized I could not for me 22 kids no not for me we struggled with two I then three I strugg with one we just had our first I thought having one child was hot and then the second okay they're trying to you're trying to get
(16:57) you know that's that's an adjustment one child and then the third yeah helped he was a chilled out dude the third one that's chilled Out Boy so n dramatic I think if we had our second child yeah that would have been hard they don't watch this so we can throw under the bus all day long CU too cringe that's the beautiful thing of having teenagers I think your stuff is too cringe they won't watch it so we can say anything we want about them but yeah I mean what do you think about having I mean goodness me it's it's a job it's a
(17:32) full-time job uh no not particularly I think um you know I'm a big fan as you know of of the Jackson so I think the idea of maybe nine would be the most nine yeah not now Mr boat in of the day you know nine kids create a family band and uh live off live off their their uh exploits she just reminded about kids cuz I remember once how my neighbor knocked on my door when we SLE few years ago and she was like how do you this is just when had the two the girls so this is two children and she was like how' you comb your hair how do you have time
(18:10) to comb your hair how do you do anything I said how you comb your hair just yeah she's how do you comb your head yeah how do you find time basically how do you find time oh yeah yeah that yeah yeah how do you find time to comb your hair she said I said I'm just get with it I mean I wasn't able to to like have too much time to do makeup and stuff like that cuz obviously my children came first at the time yeah especially when you way B small a baby and three-year-old yeah 2-year-old and a baby yeah and um but she look at
(18:45) me then again she had one child so I sort of started to remember what it was like when I just had one cuz any mother who has just one they're always like oh my gosh cuz it is hard work just have one cuz you're getting used to having just a one and it's a learning C mhm and she look at me with these two kids like thinking how she do it yeah just hide under the covers that's what I was thinking was there someone we knew that was like would go past you if this go oh how can I help you and oh so sorry for you like what was like she brought so me
(19:17) with these three kids cuz obviously I'd have one in the sling yeah and I'd have one the bab the young in the sling and then the two girls in in Dy so hang on we had three yeah under three at one point wasn't it no no I've never had three under three three under four sorry three under four three under four yeah so 42 near Z zero yeah yeah so that's yeah so I guess I could understand how that would look but she got your shopping and we didn't drive at that time yeah so it was just like oh my gosh how did she do it cuz was wondering how
(19:53) am I managing oh I don't want me to babysit they want me to help you out I'm thinking I don't need you to for sorry for me I'm perfectly fine also I made a decision to have these children and look they're big now yeah it's fine I'm the LIF still I survived it so yeah there's definitely yeah we're alive and you know they'll look after us in old age alive they'll look after us in theory this is my theory they'll look after us in old age so um they're an investment you know uh I wiped your bums all these all those
(20:25) years ago I put food on the table you know bed rent and you know didn't pay rent uh I feel it's a weird one because there are countries that have a low birth rate yeah like Japan and stuff like that and China now before they used to sort of be like no one can only and then it's their birth rate sort of stanked and I think the reality is that you've got those always there's too many people on the planet but actually there the planet's very big it's just that may not all be spread out and then also people are shortsighted because the
(20:59) burden there's more people are living longer yeah so they're going to be old for a long time and you're not going to have who's going to be looking after this large number there's more going to be more elderly people than young people so it's going to be a real burden on those young people and obviously uh there is something practical about when you have a large family because the family would look after you yeah in old age and then things like passing down weal through family the the strength of Any Nation civilization and people is the family
(21:35) family yeah is the for sometimes people don't realize how much a family is powerful it's like the the family carries the whole is powerful for the community to strive to bring wealth into the community to make the community stronger and and and better you know people don't really but people don't have that mindset and that fre mind to think yeah they just think all the burden of having children whereas children don't even stay small for long they don't and those Go I mean the years of running after Toddlers and changing
(22:13) their nappy and cleaning up after them even though it was it felt like an eternity at the time did it's so long ago now and it's gone so fast that's why I always say to moms that enjoy the Milestones of the small children it load are pictures from them because they change dramatically okay before you know it the teenagers yeah mutating it's hard work though I can't lie it's hard was hard work mhm cuz you at work all the time and then I was at home yeah I still I was just like in the daytime obviously yeah in the night time you come home but
(22:48) it was really hard work yeah because it was like you got to have a routine and so I had to be or had to be organized and Story Time and read to them bath time and then bed and when they're in bed as hour so what would you say to people who would maybe judge there was a time when you used to walk around um because we weren't drivers you'd go around on public transport with the buggy the push chair with the three children you know uh double buggy and then there was like the little board at the back with the Elder One Standing On
(23:24) Top yeah how did you we did have one of those I think we did anyway yeah yeah how did that make you feel sometimes when you kind of got the looks cuz you had like three small children and I remember catching looks when I was with you so imagine what you like how did you feel when you're on your own when people are may be looking yeah I think I felt like maybe people judged me as well because I looked really young for my age and so they probably just assuming that oh that teenage mom or something you know oh she's really young she is
(23:59) CU even with I older some people say to me oh how come your daughter said what what age did you have then I had it when I was 24 I was at a Teen Mom it's just that I looked to really young for my age but like I said earlier though should it matter yeah that if you were a Teen Mom I mean obviously it's not ideal morality and opinions aside just practically because you know there there are setbacks in life that it makes sense that you're established as an adult yeah to be able to deal with that and also to be able to Resource the
(24:31) situation but let's put all that to one side you are a single mom the fact that in the scenario the fact that people would treat you that way why should it matter whether you are or not that they you get you feel away how do they make you feel yeah I think sometimes it made me feel like they judging as well especially if I that W in the bus or anything like that with the sling and then I've got the other two in double in fact D buggy most of the time I can't even get on the bus anywhere cuz it was so packed out drive by you exactly so
(25:01) I'd have to actually told the eldest at the side hold their hand and then one in the sling MH and then one in the you know the singles try yeah yeah that's how he's going run that's how he's rolled yeah that's how but some most of the time some I even I didn't even go on the bus I thought it was too Crow anyway so just walk it to places not walking but P just used to give me the S A Lot didn't notice a s probably lot judgments as well what would you say if you were on that bus on that train and you saw people
(25:37) kind of giving the you know passive aggressive Vibes to that young woman with the three kids or four kids some might even say things there times you hear about people who say shut that kid up or be very rude what would you do would you interject would you like you know stick up for what would you want to what would you actually I would like say something because I would remember the times when people not that I heard anything but I I sort of picked up on what people probably could have been saying so I would definitely stick up
(26:08) for that I'd be an advoc advocate for that young woman because I remember what it would feel like would it felt like at the time with my kids when they small younger looking after three children um I would definitely would say something I won't be quiet about it because I feel that I would someone would have to stick up for her because she might be someone who would say anything might be someone that said something but she wasn't yeah like some support I'd also remember the times when I was situation as well so I could fully
(26:38) relate cuz when I do see actually moms and they've got like the three kids or the two kids whatever oh remember the time when my kids were really small like that yeah it was hard work and everything yeah remember the time when we were you were you were um Pharaoh's wife in Egypt and and I came in you remember girl came in you I remember the time oh you said it about three times I was thinking you know message I come in do a spin turn into gold dust bounce me you three kids that's a be bad T about three kids isn't even a lot of children it's not
(27:27) cuz people look at me like oh feeling sorry for me like person f up me I'm been kidding do you realize that three children isn't a lot of children so this is so if you're watching if you're watching Mrs culin Jazz it's going to be okay it's only going to be four kids in total yeah four kids it's not that much it's only one two more than the average once you get to like what eight stop complaining that's a lot yeah you got an Oscar obviously kieran's doing all right MoneyWise in that Hollywood money going enough get an old pair you know be right
(28:01) get an even nny NY anyway yeah exactly you would't even be wiping their bottoms anyway you just just I want an Oscar he can my husband want an Oscar so he can come work for me and uh yeah look after our four kids uh yeah four kids a even a lot out easy it's nothing that it's not easy but it's not easy but it's not a lot of children I think once you get to like maybe eight or nine no seven no no probably no six five is a lot five and more five and up yeah five and up is a lot yeah five and up I mean Joseph and Catherine they had about
(28:38) nine kids that's a lot of G The Jacksons that's a lot of they always they always a reference for when it comes to big families and I mean you know if you're going to have a big family have one that is a dynasty that is that is great you know every you know great contribution to the world and that's the other thing you don't know know what that little one is going to grow up to be you don't know imagine like in that case it was the seventh child seventh or technically eight because they lost one that was the
(29:08) one that is is the third or second or third most person known person on the planet Jesus is number one in terms of the most infamous and most famous person on the planet I think Michael jackon is like two or three Jake bad going considering all the people that that live now the billions and all the people that have ever lived can you imagine you know your son a mere mortal is probably the third most known person on the planet you can go to sort of Hut somewhere and go oh yeah like Jackson so it's it's a funny old one so you don't
(29:41) know how many can you imagine if they stopped at two exactly there would have been no Jackson would no Jackson 2 doesn't quite doesn't have quite a ring to it ises it the Jackson 2ck 2 even the silvers look how many of them there were there were as obviously famous as a Jackson that's a deep cut the silvers are they they to for a band and you know if maybe if we had more kids it would have been yeah see for a band that's what we're talking about that's why we lament having more than three kids because we uh we wanted to for a family band and
(30:12) live off the proceed like I said um so that was Kieran talking to Kieran and Jazz congratulations first and foremost Kieran for the Oscar win that a big achievement and congratulations for uh the p a patter of tiny feet in maybe uh nine months time who knows sh they have twins then yeah that would save him time yeah because then they're 40s aren there as well yeah and the funny thing is she's I think she's 36 the funny thing is is you know when you're a new couple you get married the first thing people ask is when you having them then hey hey
(30:49) hey hey hey hey hey when you having when you having when you having when you having your first baby now even though it's not their first child and and they're not newly wed because he's announced it to the whole planet going to get when you have it hey hey hey when you have it when you when you so it's the same and the thing is it's his fault because he's he's done it it might have just been a complete it might have been just a throwaway joke he was just being funny it might have because people are going to take
(31:20) that literal of course they are oh I think it's literal what I'm saying even if it wasn't even if it was it was just bantering around he said it unless we we don't know that well to know if it was b or I re he was serious though yeah everyone's going to be like exactly that's one thing you shouldn't tell a mared couple that's one thing I add a newly word do not say what it you just don't know what people are going through as well we don't know CU people have struggles as well to con see yeah and all that so it's just best to
(31:53) quite on a serious note yeah that's a business so if you if you are watching this and you might have been like oh how many kidss should I maybe I I want a large family but you know the world's got problems or what will people think forget it you know forget them do what you know do what if you feel a strong conviction as as a partner you've got a stable relationship a loving stable relationship you've got the means and resources to take care of your family um go for it you know don't let other people's opinion and their
(32:28) judgments prevent you from doing what you feel is right to do you know there are children one child can be enter this world and be not loved and be put up into a into the foster care system into a children there's a lot of children with the amount of children isn't the issue it's the context in which they're brought into this world and how people treated them or didn't treat them well yeah um I think that's the important thing and uh you know it takes love I think it should be love that creates so life and love that looks after it too
(33:04) and I think as long as there's a lot of love looks like got a lot of love in his heart you know especially for the industry loved his agent he really loved his agent loves his wife loves his wife clearly so lot of love in in the culan household so why not let them uh expand it but um yeah so for you if you watching might feel any pressure about how many kids you have whether people want you to have more it's none of their business less none of their business uh don't let other people's opinions one way or the other swing or
(33:39) sway you uh it's between you and your partner and you know we're just blessed to have had any exactly children we're always blessed because there are people out there that we even know who struggled for years and until this day didn't have kids because they can't have children so we're very blessed and very honored to to say we got three children yeah you know three beautiful kids and also I just want to add actually that don't feel that you have to have there is no perfect time to well that's the ne that's the that's the uh the big second
(34:13) toic with topic again yeah so we're going to the second topic we want to talk about is is there a perfect time to have children do you have to have a big house words of cash in your bank account I don't think so do you what do you think so what do you think well I don't think you have to have the perfect setup because if we did if that was the case it would just be me and you right now wouldn't it just two of us two of this yeah all day all day all night yeah just around the world yeah sipping champagne and you living the High Life
(34:57) your best love oh actually have you got a time machine M it's about your kids why don't you go back to the past and not have them sorry Back to the Future it's just that's the future I just imagine one yeah of course um Imagination Running Away with me just imagination oh yeah there is there is no perfect time to have Jan because to be honest if you're thinking oh I have to have the money I have to have the car and I have to have this and I have to have that and then I have the oh I have to have the perfect job have to have a
(35:39) certain I have to be in certain place in my career and I've heard people speak like that yeah what what they been saying they've said like oh I can't afford to have children people have said that actually they they can't afford to they can't afford to have children or they I've heard also someone say to me I have to have a certain amount of money first or of will have to be certain point in my career first and have fun and then I'll have children yeah that's that's such a problem and it's so naive because yeah
(36:11) you what I've noticed is there's a lot there's a lot and I don't want to sound it' be better for you to say it because you're a woman I'm a man and and I don't get dragged but I've noticed particular women like men we can pretty much have kids until we're way late in the game and we're we can just as long as we can just about be propped up yeah we can have kids yeah but for women unfortunately there there is a cut off point when you can't have any children no more I've recently spoken to someone who even said that they like I think
(36:44) they're 30s and they said oh they have them when they're going to choose to be mom when they're 40 very s say what okay that means you'd have to have probably popped them up because the time is kind of running out when you by time you're 40 I mean I had my first daughter at 24 that's a big difference from I think if you having a last child at 40 it's not too bad but have a first child at 40 is quite late especially if you wanted to have more children if you just wanted one then I guess that's fine just have one I don't
(37:17) think you're having four kids because your your body is not the same in terms of it's just not the same at 40 in birth than it was like at 24 for example yeah you know yeah but I think now women want to have a career they want to travel the world they want to have the best job they want to buy their house maybe they want just the freedom and the Leisure of Life they just don't want to be burdened down with children but then if you have them late then you're going to have to have you're going to end up having that
(37:53) anyway but when you're older um I think that it's the world has given this falce impression and particularly for women yeah that they can have everything yeah they can have it all they can have the career the accomplishments then meet the perfect A-list um a alpha you know whatever the word is a high high value man when they've lived it all um and then decide to have babies with that high value man and he would have had no checkered past he would not have had any children before or baby mothers whatever so it's
(38:35) the happily ever after but it's a modern version the old Happy Ever After would be you'd marry young you'd meet Prince Charming and you would he'd be rich and you go live off every happily ever after now I think the fairy tale is you can live completely for yourself yeah Live It Up become successful have your own money your house and everything then meet a high value man who who's of a value and then have his children when you're like 40 something why I'm just wondering why does everything have to be so perfect
(39:08) and in place and neat and everything before a woman decides to have a other that's what I've always thought when I've thought about that subject actually I was thinking why does it have to be all put together like that but I guess it goes back to when you said Society puts that pressure on women and actually gives sends that message out that it's okay you can have children when you're 40 it's all right to have children older now and the average age of actually women having children is actually 40s but we know it's a lie
(39:38) because you know as you know you you're born with all your ex as a woman so you you're you 20s is the perfect time for fertility um and then you keep on it's a LW of you know of of of of diminishing returns like the more and more as you go on again no shade and obviously no respect for any women who have any kind ofic issues or whatever no judgment this is not a moral question that we're posing it's more of a practical one because if you choose to wait until as late as possible to have your family you do you boo if that's your thing it's
(40:15) ain't a judgment here it's more when there's a but be informed cuz often there's a sort of a narrative which is is not entirely true that thinks that everyone can do that and then they find out late in life that oh they haven't got much eggs left got hit the fertility clinic oh they've got all the money in the career but um the certain men that would have been interested are off the shelf oh um I may not be able to have like any kids but now you've got like a lot of women who freeze their eggs now they have their eggs frozen MH so that
(40:50) when they F they ready to have children or child then we good to go I mean if yeah it's it's crazy I mean there are the moral and even like ethical and even religious arguments that have challenges with that but even just on a practical level yeah it's a it's a deception to think that it's that easy we know people that have gone through fertility challenges and it's very very difficult yeah and I think I also it doesn't sit well with me the idea that people think that they could just turn it on and off the idea of having life I think it's a
(41:26) privilege we were privileged to have children when the good God we are Christians so when the good God above bless us with children we're like yes please thank you and uh we believe he wouldn't give us more than we can bear we could handle and even and the other thing is is that we were in certain respects we had the ideal structure you know we um we were married then we had our first child maybe just under two years later we were working but guess what you can lose a job guess what you switch careers guess what the
(42:03) cost of living goes up so you can start off with your ducks in a row yeah you know what I mean yeah you can because it's not just because you may want it to be a certain way as you're going to impose is that it might change or could just change like that then what you're still going to have to feed the CH look enough to find a way but things always work out fun you know things have always worked out for us is yeah with three children it's not been like um oh my gosh always fed always clothed and they're alive yeah you know they're well
(42:36) they're healthy we did none of them were left behind they young adults now um and I think it is the ideal of the perfectionism and the idea of the right time dep pass time it comes from society definitely and I think sometime the pressures of society and also the pressures from maybe family sometimes friends [Music] influence outside influences as well who you hang up with so they they may have done made those choices so sometime people impose that onto and to others as well but um you have to just do what is
(43:12) best for you really because at the end of the day there's nothing wrong with having a child when it's not when is the best time to have a child yeah that's my question when is there is never the best time to have a child or children yeah cuz I mean you mess it's like a no one gives you a manual does that about how to raise a child so you you it's trial and error you have your first kid and you just try not to drop him yeah or starve him and stuff like that you so it's all figuring out and you learn as you go you learn as you go
(43:45) and the eldest is always like oh I didn't you didn't Dre me like that yeah CU you were the experiment dear we didn't know what we were doing you know you didn't know what we do I don't know I remember asking about calling my aunt oh my gosh how much milk she I when the you know this the Midway had to give her some top up with formula and I don't even know how much milk to put in the bottle yes like what do I do yeah but then once it got to the second and the third I mean second was like drop them all the time third one she didn't want
(44:16) no breast Bel this year the second one and the third and the first yeah very bougie yeah bougie baby I don't want no natural milk give me the cows finest on the double the C the she was one chabba chubby baby a chabba Bubba that for I would say to anybody who um is thinking they want they have this idealistic dream of how it will be uh the perfect situation you know the perfect partner the perfect age the perfect career perfect money in the bank the perfect perfect house I don't want to be a big long pin that bursts your
(45:03) bubble but a reality check there is no perfect time we're living in you know we could be on the cusp of World War II ww3 what's going on in the world you know stuff with with Putin in Russia and Ukraine and Trump we're not with the most least political people trust me you can find but we we watch we watch some news and um we're not living in fear like you know living under with a bunker oh you know in a tin tin bunker but nothing is secure and predictable so why why postpone your life happiness you meet someone right
(45:40) now and you can start a life with them and then you have children together they're a blessing if you delay good things in your life because of some prescribed either from the movies or Society view of when the perfect time is have we even heard some for living I remember someone even said years ago when the children was all before the second I think second third was one they said oh it's not good to have children because the world is such a place those sort of thing you think weird that means no would have kids and
(46:14) if I'm have they heard of the dark agents you know like when it was last the world was you know people were getting massacred for nothing and they heard of World War I and two you know when the whole world was at War and and the atom bomb was dropped in Japan like the idea that this is the darkest the world has ever been is so idiotic in terms of a basic understanding of history I mean like you know I don't have maybe here it's like crazy it's nuts so I would why people get all these things on and that's what I was saying
(46:49) earlier is that people impose their ideals on people yeah their thoughts on people and that unfortunately there are people that take that and run with that and they're like yeah actually I think they're right I think I have kids actually yeah world is such an evil Place yeah I mean there are there are a lot of evils in the world but it doesn't mean you don't have children but bring children maybe you're the parent of a future John Connor who will come and bring Enlightenment Against the Machines and bring Humanity to its next stage of
(47:22) uh uh Salvation I'm I'm joking I'm messing around always funny that John Conor is like JC like Jesus Christ oh yeah you know so he kind of like you know he's he's the James Cameron Savior Jesus model um yeah so that's that that's the world's right put to rights y make love Be Love have as many babies as you want join we're not going to get in your way join we're not going to get want to be knowing no no not that don't say that L like that came out wrong yeah it'll be wrong it'll be wrong yeah a little beit wrong a little beit
(47:59) wrong I don't anywhere near your your your the the your yeah anyone watching you know just close the door we we're we're not going to be lurking and trying to it's getting worse yeah right um so yeah have your kids may you know live your life as long as you're you're living in a cons in a consenting loving relationship where you're you're supportive and being supported a child would be a blessing if not then maybe reconsider maybe think you know what maybe it's not the right time there are legitimate times that might not be good
(48:37) there might be an unhealthy situation unhealthy relationship you're not able you've got issues that that you need to take care of business of your own life you know and if you feel like for example I want to be loved listen as much as it's lovely to have a child and you feel Bond they're inherently selfish right you know you if you you shouldn't have a kid to feel to make up for something you're missing because you actually need to put yourself last when you're looking after kids especially you would be an unselfish person to have
(49:08) children definitely yeah I mean I don't necessarily say I had to doal with a lot of in the work yeah I wasn't necessarily a clean unselfish person over time yeah time a good job when it comes to my kids I I do you know I learn to be and I must say you did an amazing job job and you still are as a mom a you know fantastic job atuk in a few years so thank you for you well you know an amazing job wouldn't have done it with anybody else and uh and even the imperfect the imperfect times and were lessons their building blocks I wouldn't
(49:47) change for the world whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger absolutely but anyway we're going to get out here I'm T I'm Jay and we are taking over the world of relationships personal development and love romance and family and all those good things that need to be stronger I we personally believe that if you get that right you can face any mountain abolutely when it comes any enemy and take over any world when it comes to family family is the as we said earlier family is the is the PowerHouse of the community help to bring wealth
(50:23) and structure and and it be a blessing as well to others and the world yeah so if we can share our triumphs and our epic screw-ups yeah epic uh yeah epic screw-ups over the two decades and change of us being married us being parents us being relationships us working on ourselves whilst being married cuz that's an important one personal development that you you sometimes look to the other person to be the solution to your inner problems and your emotional challenges and you realize oh actually they're just trying
(51:04) to figure it all out themselves and uh they're not the solution to your inner angst and pain or your happiness even you're got to find do the work yourself and then as well work together you got to pave the way for yourself you can't lean on the other person to sort your your your all your out yeah you know you got to do you and work on yourself because I think if you put that pressure on the other person and they've got to sort themselves as it as it is that's a bit like weighing them down yeah you know yeah and they're
(51:40) looking at you like uh I've got I've got to sort my thing out you know I got my issues i' got my issues right now so don't come to me for that but you know as a couple you work together obviously you come back as a team and you just speak together communication is always always a key you work through things without communication you can't you can't um you don't talk things through don't get solved don't get solved and then you end up being like Anyway absolutely yeah what she said anyway until next time keep loving keep living and uh keep
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