Allies Series: Being Your Own Ally ft Special Guest

In today's episode, the Miner comes with me to visit one of my closest allies who has done the inner work of mining her JEMMS!  As she takes us through the mining process, we will discuss how to be your best ally, who your allies can be, and the Greatest Ally of all!

You might ask, who's this Miner?  Well, you or anyone willing to do the inner work to mine their JEMMS! 

Click on this episode to meet up and have some fun as you listen in.  Oh, and your inner child is invited too!   ;)


Mentioned Resources:

Sacred Pampering Principles:  An African-American Woman's Guide to Self-Care and Inner Renewal.
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Sacred+Pampering+Principles&i=stripbooks&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=ur2&linkId=db55f547f1475b9874c0934d40bd5b96&tag=beautifulj036-20

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By using my Amazon affiliate link, you can help support my podcast and allow me to continue producing quality content. Even small profits from your clicks can make a big difference.

Transcript

0:03

Hello, I'm your host Charmaine and welcome to Beautiful JEMMS! Thank you. It's so good to see you. I'm happy you made it. That's right, you're getting ready to meet one of my nearest and dearest allies. Which one? Let's see if you remember when I said this. Another type of ally are the raw truth tellers, my daughter and my homie, you will need these people in your life. They have strong headlamps of thought to illuminate your blind spots. They aren't always appreciated as they should be, though, because the truth can hurt. However, we all know the truth sets you free. So always be sure to think these allies in your life right after you finish crime. Just kidding. You know, I love y'all. You're still not sure who it is. Okay. Let's see if I can make it a little easier for you. Remember this this last ally, though you are fortunate? If you have one and a lifetime, the very, very special agents who have a similar life path and purpose to you. You are meant to work closely with them. For me, that's my homie. Like I said in the first episode, you'll meet her later in the second season. Yes, that's right. We're getting ready to go meet homie. Let's take a walk. Her house is right over there. Something else you should know about her is that she's a speaker, a writer and an up and coming off there. In fact, I bet she has her pen and paper out right now. All right, here we go. Let's go knock on her door. Oh, hi. How are you? Welcome. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? Bye. Oh, you come in and come in and get comfortable. All right. Thank you. Thank you for having us over. No more pleasure. Welcome. Glad to have you. So I told our friend here that you're going to discuss how you are your own ally frenemy enemy or the unbothered to yourself. So is everybody comfortable? Comfortable? You guys comfortable? Yeah. Yeah, I am too. Awesome. Let's get started. So I call you homie. But what would you like our friend here to call you? Oh, that's a great question, homie. This is what we do. My name is Teresa. However, some Knowmia shrill. Both are my name. So I go by both names. You can call me either one either Teresa or Shara. Okay, so how about we go with Theresa, just so that that works. Okay. So why don't we start out with our favorite ally. And so can you tell us how you feel that you are your best ally? Well, I actually believe that I one thing I would do first and foremost is to lean on my own allies. That is one of my go twos. As my own ally. I call them my rocks. That will be my firt my closest friends. Example my homie. I have my family and my close friends as well. Those are the ones that I call my coworkers in the mind as you as you've referenced, I lean on my self care, my independence. I also write in journal. What that does is it gives me a greater understanding of myself, especially through painful and unpleasant experiences. So to to be my own ally. I learned self love. How I do that is through so of care and pampering principles, that that pampering principles is a huge part of my growth. I remember that book homey pampering principles, because we went through that together, right, we read them books together. And it's a book by the Rena Jackson Gandy. And it was called the sacred pampering principles. And there was a quote that I pulled out of that at a time in my life when I needed to express from the heart. So I wanted to add some my own ally, tap into my emotional to really understand what I was feeling. And there was a quote in the book that she that stood out to me, that really helped me with this, which is she said, journaling is a tool for getting to know yourself better. And so that is a major way that I have become my own ally, and probably have been since childhood, because I was always writing I was always, I always had a pen and paper somewhere, to jot down my thoughts, my feelings, and to express myself, be it through, just like that expressions are through a journal, poetry, or any other form of writing, in order to, basically I guess, truly understand what I was feeling what I was going through, and it did help me to endure, overcome. And it was through understanding myself better. That allowed me to truly become my best ally. I took me a long time. But I had to learn to trust myself. And in making decisions, that that helped me make better decisions for myself. And there was a time when I would go to others and get their opinions and get their feedback in there. But I found that to be my own ally, I had to go within, I had to be with myself, talk to myself, you know, listen to my inner voice, what my feelings were within me, in order to truly align and remain in alignment with who I truly am. It was like being your own best friend. So although I would go out to lean on my rocks, my family and friends, what I learned through the process of becoming my own best ally was to really truly go within rely on depend on and listen to myself, in order to gain a true understanding of myself. So I would say that that relationship with self was a huge and is still a huge part of being my own ally. Okay. And so, you know, there were two things that you said, that really stuck out to me. And you know, the first is journal, and we went on a lot of our journeys together. And that's a that's a note for you, as a fellow miner, that you can actually go on this inner work or this this journey with other people. They can accompany you, right, your allies. And when you turn to yourself, what I found interesting about what you said, is the journaling, because that's something that we both did kind of simultaneously. We've done many things together when in that inner work journey, right? Absolutely. And you brought up a great book, I love that book, Love the author, the thing that stood out to me the most about what you said, like I said two things that you journaled. And in journaling that basically helped you to know yourself. And when you think about it over a period of time, you can go back, right, because we've discussed this going back to entries a year ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, and seeing yourself as you are in those different periods and understanding your progress and your inner journey. So I'd love for you to talk about how the Writing helps you there. And I think also the other thing that stood out was, you know what, let's just start there. And I'll come back around to number two. So how has the journaling helped you in getting to really know yourself better. Great question. What comes to mind first, is this exactly what you said? Like going back to those journals? So my answer would be to go back to that journal. And I'll read you some of the things that I've written. So for example, when I originally decided to do the expressions from the heart, it was in 2019, or excuse me, 2009. And when I read that book, it was probably years prior. So I would, I would venture to throw out there, maybe 2006 2007. So that was years of pampering. And now here I am expressing from the heart in 2009. And it says, it has been over a decade since I have written in an actual journal. And I've decided to try it out again. And I think that when I revisited this, which I've done several times, I revisited this specific page and this specific journal, more recent, and I wrote, literally 10 years later, dot dot dot 2019 notes from my planner, this is one of my favorite years, the year 2019 felt like the turning point in my life that I had been longing for. And so in answer to your question, how has it helped me to journal, it's basically provided me details and expressions from that moment, basically, how I felt, what I thought where I was in my growth process at that time, and it's almost it is a record of that moment, those moments, those feelings, those thoughts, those feelings in time, and to be able to go back and reflect on them. For example, when I wrote the 2009, I hadn't written since I was a teenager at that point. So I literally could go back and look and reflect on what I wrote as a teenager. Fast forward to that year, and then 10 years later. So these are two separate decades all together. That that's 10 years of pain, 10 years of growth, 10 years of knowledge, 10 years of disappointments, 10 years of I mean, in 10 years, you can just children involved, there's degrees or raishin there's so many people that have come in and out of your life jobs, you know, just life, those that that's life. So those journals are records of my life, my truth as it is, and how it's helped me to be my best ally is to be able to stand in my truth. I love it. I absolutely love it. Because this is why we homie. Okay, because I just have to say, I'm sorry, my fellow miner, oh, I am loving this and the reason why is because I thought I was gonna have to explain my next question. But I should have already known better than I was playing it because that's how connected we are. You just lead right into it because I know my you know I know, you know, my fellow miner, you might be a little bit confused, like, where did this question come from? But she led right into it and let me get to it in being your ally isn't always comfortable being your ally. What you just said a minute ago, like really, really kind of explains why I asked that question because you said Joy's you know your your pains, your living life. And in that moment of like, let's say journaling and reflecting and looking back. You know, we think of something like allies something that's quote unquote, good. But sometimes in being your ally, you have to look at things as hard. And to me that is a part of being your best ally. Having the courage to look at hard things, which it sounds like you did. So that's where, you know my question comes from and also us having to experience that life together. So I just love for you to share that. When I reflect back on these years, it was not easy to be my own best ally. But that's what made it like you said the best. Because it if you're not able to look at your life, look at your self and look at your truth. Good or bad, painful, joyful. The ups and downs of life are natural, the ebbs and flows as you will. And I am one of those people who I don't celebrate or enjoy those ebbs as much as the flows however, I understand that. As I reflected, those ebbs really refined me, if you will, it was kind of like, sharpening it, it. Sometimes it could. But what it taught me was it that I can heal, it taught me that I can grow. So that's where it made me my best ally, to be able to look at my truth, truthfully, being honest with myself, being in a sense, vulnerable within myself, you know, to look back, even at those expressions in 2009, I had to pause because it was painful. It was a it was a point in my life where it was hard, it was painful. I was not doing well, emotionally, I wasn't doing well, as a mom, I was shrine. But I think that being able to reflect back to celebrate, let's say the 2019. You know, this was my favorite year, one of my favorite years, and everything was, it was almost like a turnaround. But I would not have been able to celebrate that if I had not gone through those lessons. And that's that's where, you know, harsh lessons can be calm, beautiful blessings, in the, in the long term, the ebbs and flows you're going to have naturally in life. That's why you need your tools to get you through those hard times, I'll call them because they're not good or bad at times, looking back in my journals, some of those times were hard. They were quote unquote, dad. But it strengthened me. It grew me it sharpened me. And it was kind of what I think I will call the what's the word, the catalysts to a greater me a better me. So yeah, although hard it It strengthened my bonds with my rocks, they strengthen the relationships I have with friends and family. But more than that, it strengthened my faith. It strengthened my relationship with God. And that's ultimately, as I reflect on these journals from even like I said, a teenager. So I have these years of teenager 20s 30s Now I'm moving into my 40s today. And it's it's like this progression in my faith in my relationship with God. And in turn, it formed this better understanding of myself, in order to have a better relationship with myself. And when I can do that. I come out and I have better relationships with others, no matter who they are. And my favorite part probably is how I can be someone else's ally, how I can get people through the mind. You know, I become someone who is a guide through my experiences in my journaling. So typically when I share my stories or I share my experiences with others. I come from a Place of experience to help them through something, I can flip that to my flip back. And so I think that's how I've used my journals as my best ally, because I'm able to reflect back on me and grow and have a better relationship with again, myself and God, which extends to others. The next question I was gonna ask you is about your relationship with God and how doing that inner work, yeah, while doing that inner work and being your best ally, how God was involved in that. Because truly, you are never alone. You know, God is always with you. And so in that part of the process, especially when you're dealing with things that are painful, and things that are hard, you may find yourself relying on God. I know, in my case, very, I'm trying to think of the right word, but I would say very intensely, because it's, it's not easy, facing those hard things about you facing the hard truths about what you may see and feel from others. And using that information without judgment, which you're like, awesome at home, like you are so good at that with, you know, I think that's just a natural part of your personality. At some point, I would love, love, love to get into that non judgement. Because I feel like that's pivotal. I know, for me, that's why self compassion was huge. I had to learn how to have more self compassion for myself and not judge myself. Right? Because if you judge yourself, then it kind of defeats the purpose of the process. And it's a learning process. And I think that's something important to remember. It's a learning process. Yes, we're here we're living life we're experiencing but we're learning and growing. I mean, if you have anything to say about that, I'd be you know, curious, but if not, that leads into enemies. Well, I mean, we can't bleed into enemies without the protector. So before I ever go into anything else, of course, I would elevate God. And you know, not everyone calls on God, some say divine, higher power, you know, excetera but I think for me, I often rely on my faith. I really I rely on God heavily since I was a child. I've always had a spiritual walk if you will connection. So I venture to say that I don't move through life without connecting with conversing with God, because in those ebbs, especially, it's easy to connect when you're on those flows, and you're in the highs and, you know, for example, in the 2009 Journal, um, that was one of my best years. So it's, I'm celebrating and there's plenty of gratitude, I did have good things jar. And that led to such gratitude in the following years that by 2019, it was like, I all I could do is be thankful and grateful. And however, I think that a lot of my childhood into adulthood was painful. It was. So there was a lot of valleys a lot of ebbs. And there were times when my allies were not able to help me, my rocks, were not able to help me my family was not able to help me. It was a mean and God. And I have never experienced if I have I don't remember, I've never experienced a me and God as much as I did in 2020. And I think a lot of others can relate to that. Where, you know, there was a time when that is all I had some days and many nights in that specific time. Hear You. And it just, I think the, because I'm able to reflect on these journals and reflect on my life and I have constant reminders of who I am, where I come from, how I am and why it helped. When it was time, when it is time to go talk to God, because then I can go authentically, I don't have to go with a mask on, if you will, or with pretenses. It's almost like I've, I've always I think I've always had this comfortable relationship with God, where I can take this stuff to him The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly, as I say, or as they say, in a sense to find comfort, but more so to get guidance. He is my strength when I am weak. And so when I have those ebbs and flows, I always try my best to converse, connect with and in a sense, go within to spend time with God in order to gain guidance in this life. You know, like, it's the this is the guy like it, he is he is who gave me life. And if I don't go back to my manufacturer, if they say, maker, then I'm almost going through the mind blind. I'm going through the mind. Without we'll get into that with the environment. We will get a host that answers your question. That's a deep question that I that, you know, I Yeah, it is, it is a deep question. And, you know, sometimes you'll find that your allies have. And I think I did mention this before, that sometimes you'll be on kind of like similar tracks. The one thing about homie and I we do have a lot of similarities in not necessarily every single experience that we've had. But I want to say in just going through life and having a lot of EPs, especially at a very young age, and learning how to deal with these things internally. And really going into mine, Mel's gems girl. Similarly to you, I've always had a relationship with God since I can remember since I was young. But you know, what I'm finding is that's not everybody's story. Right? There are some people that feel very disconnected. There are some people that forget that they have their walkie talkie of intuition, that they have their heavy machinery of prayer, and meditation to receive that guidance, right from God, to receive those messages. And I think that, although 2020 was not an easy year, you did bring up a very pivotal point that, you know, it causes you to become closer to God. And I feel like that was for many people, you hear a lot more about spiritual awakenings and connections and things of that nature. And I think it's just important to remember that God is always here, and always with you, when you take a breath, if you believe in God, right? The reason why you're able to even take a breath is because he is with you, his spirit is you you are a part of your maker. Right? So you have this constant connection. Whether you choose to acknowledge that or not, is different for every person, or if you feel like you have the ability to but don't put pressure on yourself comparing relationships that other people have with God to yourself. So if you're just coming into it, believe one that God has always been with you but also to that that connection is readily available when you decide right and there's no pressure. It is huge. What you just said about doing this type of mining work where if God is not involved, it's not going to work out well for you. You will get a lot of bumps and bruises and kind of be stumbling around so I'm kind of curious to see where you know home is going with the with the young bothers. I can't wait. I would definitely say that you know the just started this conversation was how were you your best ally? And I would, I would end by saying that is my greatest. So, my best ally, God, for me is my greatest ally absolute in this journey. Absolutely. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I pray that you build your relationship with God. Love yourself unconditionally and put in the work to mine refine and shine those JEMMS!