Allies Series Ft MarQuis Fair: Remembrance - A Black Man's Journey of Introspection

In today's episode, we finish our conversation with MarQuis Fair and our fellow Miner!   MarQuis shares how he first started his introspective journey!   Maybe you can relate?  As you listen in, think about your own first experience.  You may be surprised at what you find!

If you are now tuning in, you may wonder, who is this Miner?  Well, you or anyone willing to do the inner work to mine their JEMMS!  

Click on this episode to meet up and enjoy as you listen in, stay open, and remember to invite in your inner child.  We are healing all parts of us today!  :-)

Transcript

0:03

Hello, I'm your host Charmaine and welcome to Beautiful JEMMS! when do you remember starting to do introspection? This is gonna sound crazy. No, I'm not even gonna say crazy crazy is a terrible word that should be retired from all infrastructure language. Yeah. This is this may sound odd to some miners out there you know, you don't know what sometimes you need you were doing something so unconsciously you know it. Come on. I know where you going that? You may not I'm not sure. All right, let's say. So. I remember when I was five, six, somewhere around there. Um, I got put on punishment. For something I did, my mother believes in weapons, but I was got put on punishment sometimes. And my punishment was I had to go and read the encyclopedia. So at the at the time, we had an encyclopedia, Encyclopedia Britannica, you know that you need to pause and I'm gonna do what you do to me on your show you did explain what an encyclopedia is, are minors who are out there and encyclopedia is one book or actually a series of books. It can be 26 books long, or longer, sometimes, depending on how much of the alphabet they cover. But it was a resource guide, similar to a dictionary that would sort of give a more lengthy description of a thing. So usually they start with A, you have a whole book dedicated to a, say Aardvark, right? They are the VAR. And that would give what an Aardvark is where they live. How, you know, what is the etymology? What did they relate it to? What did they eat? And so it was in the sort of imagine a written internet. Yeah, if that makes sense. Exactly. Written Google. And if it wasn't in the encyclopedia, then depending on what age you were, it wasn't even true. Go look it up in Encyclopedia Britannica. And so I remember and this is a sidetrack but I remember a friend of mine, I was six or seven and told me about unicorns. And I said, there's no such thing as a unicorn. And he said, go look it up. And I looked up in the encyclopedia, and there were no unicorns. And because it's not a real no unicorns, all the typical creature now, no, because it was all based on like, basic, like Earth stuff, geography, like, like real, I didn't look at the yearbook. But anyway, that's an aside, the point of this was that when I was a very young child, baby 567, I got put on punishment, and my mother told me to go in the corner and read the encyclopedia. And as I was reading, I started to but a couple things were happening. One, I was so angry, that I needed to get my anger out. Right? To because I was in fear of getting my anger out in a physical way, meaning destroying the book or whatever it was having fit. Because I didn't want to get a weapon, I would shake, I would start to shake because I was holding my emotion. And I remember like, my head was like, oh, so and I remember also thinking, you know, but I would rather have a weapon and just release and just cry, rather than have this feeling like I'm bottled up. And I also thought, and I remember sort of, I'm putting it into words that a six year old quite can't quite put into but I remember sort of having this sense I remember wonder a big bit under was Why don't you just give me a weapon? Why would she put me in the corner and let me read this boring encyclopedia? Not the words I couldn't even read. Because I was like, seven, right? I would get so mad. And and for years when I tell you from like age seven, to like, age 1819 I often went back to that moment because the seven year old me who started to do introspection and had a sense of I would rather this than that. Right? I just want to release this anger to getting the weapon and crying. Okay, then having bottled up, right? I remember having that sense. So there was a sense of introspection. But the seven year old me didn't understand that my mother was trying to teach me when you get mad, you can go out and learn. Okay? Do you know that I was one of the top readers, I was in a National Spelling Bee encyclopedia, because my bad behind after God we travel read the whole thing twice. So all that to say they're there in that moment. I knew enough about my mother was doing this for a reason I trusted her and loved her. But I also knew that it felt better and easier and faster to just get a woman than to have to sit than to have to sit and read this boring. About aardvarks. Exactly. I mean, I couldn't tell you no, but at the time, Encyclopedia Britannica was the was the was the business. So anyway? To answer your question at a very young age, six or seven, that was that I knew I knew was gonna be really young. I knew that. Yeah. So I thank you for sharing that. Because, you know, I'm sure it just developed and grew, you know, over time, about why am I feeling this way? That was always my question is it started from Why am I feeling this way? Look at that. And sometimes I didn't have an answer. And when I didn't have an answer, it was the worst. Because I felt like I shouldn't have, I felt like I was supposed to I'd put an expectation on myself, of always needing to have the right answer even to myself. Yeah, sometimes you don't. And so that's why I practice I practice, but I might sometimes over practice, because you don't always need to have the answers. Sometimes an emotion will pass just like that. And you don't need to dive into each and everything. It's only the key ones that matter. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. And I love that clarification. Because I think that you know, and you could correct me if I'm wrong, but we all may experience emotions, but men may process emotions a bit differently than than women do. You know, one of the key things for me I know is talking through my emotion with my you know, with my girlfriends, you know, where you just spoke about just being by yourself by yourself? Yeah. You know, go ahead. No, I was just gonna say two quick things. One is that when we were talking about beginners, and I suggested that they find a quiet place that's to themselves, this is typically to back men. And the reason that I say that is not only for relaxation and comfort place, but also things knowing that you can trust that this with this. Not not in your first time. To me, my experience has been I could never just start talking to somebody. Introspection to me is a form of self therapy. It is. And so I needed to do the therapy with myself before I could possibly trust another black man out there to do it. Absolutely. That's that's where I that's where the alone part comes in. I mean, being alone, but it's lonely. But yeah, so you really have to do it for yourself first. That's where I was going. I'm sorry. No, no, no, that's fine. Because and I will say this, I think I was just using that as an example with you know, as far as women are concerned, I think there's more. There's more of an acceptance and actually, when you look at you know, sociology, it, women tend to do better in groups, right? And versus men who do tend to do well alone. So there is something about that now, where there is a similarity and I agree like 1,000% this is about you doing your work, right? And for anybody, male or female. You have got to take time by yourself. There is no way you know, a therapist, it cannot do the work for you. Your coach can't do the work for you. Your mama can't do the work for you. You have to do the work for you. A lot of people out here are going to look for, you know, professionals to help them and I think that's a big Missing Piece that people just don't see or don't get that really and truly, most of the work, even if you find the Greatest Therapist, the greatest coach, the greatest cheerleader in the world, you know what, you're gonna have to beat that to yourself first. So I'm with you on that. That's the only way for me that I was able to work on these things, right? You have to take time with yourself, you have to get to know yourself like a best friend. Right? And without judgment, right? I think that's also a huge piece too. Because when you start judging yourself that can send you on that downward spiral, you can become an enemy friend of me, I'm bothered when you need to be paying attention. No, no, no, no, no, no, no no versus kind of just letting the emotion happen. And I love the way you had described, you know the steps, right, because what you're talking about in there, those five steps, and the first in the beginning of it, to me, it sounds like a practice of mindfulness. It sounds like a practice of integrating meditation. And that's why also learning goals, type of modalities or skills are important to drill down all the way down to those emotions. But it's not every emotion, right? Because you talked about that too. And that's a little bit more like as you advance on your work, but the emotions that stick but stay with you, that are deep rooted, and you have to be open to finding whatever it is that you find and accepting it for what it is. Because if you don't accept it, for what it is, you won't be able to truly work on it. Right? Absolutely. So there's just one last question I want to ask you, if you're open to. Absolutely. And I'd like to ask you. Do you feel that God played a part or role in any of this introspection? And if so, could you talk a little bit about it? I'll say it this. Without going down a particular rabbit hole, I was not raised in a particular particularly religious household. So the word God, and the idea of God has very different meaning to me than it does to some other miners out there. Most often I associate a god as divine. And the essence of reason, the essence of reason, meaning, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. We're all set in motion and purpose. That's what I believe, I think is the essence one of the essences of the Divine. So I think that one of my great joys, has been finally settling in to loving this part of myself. When I'm my own worst enemy. I'm like, to introspective. I hate that I'm always doing this because it's like reflex now. But I can't tell you how many people have literally come to me and said, You touched my life. You changed my trajectory. You use fills my soul and spirit at a time when I really needed it. And you know how you did that, because you were able to speak to me about things that I don't even realize about myself, you have such a long way with words and language that are tied to emotion, that it really it profoundly changed me people literally sat me down and said, I know that you know, I'm moving across the country, but you have profoundly changed my life. And to hear that, and to believe it is really the only thing the only thing that can be is designed to know that you have touched people in that way. And that you are a part of reason that these things happen. It can only be defined. So that's my answer. I love love, love, love, love that answer. Thank you for sharing. I think that we have given our miner more than enough to start their introspective journey if they haven't already. And if they're on their journey, they can level it up. Yeah, absolutely. mean. And I just want to say one thing. It's starting to sound like I see a coach Mark key in the future. But you know, that's the I'm just saying. If I'm in your life for a reason, then you are in my life for my for one for one also. So maybe I will be. Yes. I do want to say one last thing. And this is gonna sound probably, you know, a little funny. But, you know, the operator asked if he asked you if you would accept the charges. We have gone on and on Charmaine, with this telephone call. And I want to make sure that you don't come back to me and say, Oh, you'd have the money for these charges. You were supposed to be on the phone for this long show. I mean, but I love it. I got you. But thank you for thanking me. I appreciate. Absolutely. You know, I love you. All right. So thanks for taking the time. And I think our fellow miner here, enjoy this conversation when he says happy to hear it. And thanks again for taking your time. I really appreciate you sharing and I have specially appreciate you sharing as a black man, a black man in America. You're welcome. And I'm open to talking about Baltimore on another call sometime later on in the future. So, all right, I'm gonna take you up on that offer. Okay. All right. Charmaine, let me get off this phone, minor. You can hang up to or you can you can continue the conversation as long as Charmaine is done. I'll talk to you both later right now, right now. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I pray that you build your relationship with God. Love yourself unconditionally, and put in the work to mine refine and shine those JEMMS!