Ep 67- How To Beat Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome isn't proof you're a fraud - it's proof you're growing.

 In this episode of The Flow Lane, Emma unpacks the three lies imposter syndrome tells high-achieving women, why it intensifies the more successful you become, and a simple practice to use the next time it hits. 

In this episode:

 - Why imposter syndrome hits hardest at the highest levels (and what that actually means) 

- The 3 lies imposter syndrome tells you and how to counter each one 

- A grounding practice to move through self-doubt without losing momentum so you can overcome the imposter syndrome feeling.

 FREE RESOURCES: Hustle Culture Webinar → https://go.flowstatescollective.com/hustle-workshop-reg?utm_source=podcast_shownotes&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=ep67_imposter_syndrome&utm_content=hustle_workshop 

WORK WITH EMMA: Soulful Strategy Session → https://go.flowstatescollective.com/soulful-strategy-session?utm_source=podcast_shownotes&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=ep67_imposter_syndrome&utm_content=soulful_strategy 

📚 CHAPTERS:

 0:00 - The lie most successful women still believe 
1:30 - What imposter syndrome actually is 
4:15 - Why it gets louder as you scale 
7:40 - The 3 lies (and the truth behind each) 
12:20 - A practice for when it hits mid-launch 
15:30 - Your reframe for this week 

CONNECT: Instagram → @emmamaidment_ 

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Flow on friends, 
Em x

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Who even am I to take up this space? Who even am I to be in this room? And the goal isn't to necessarily eliminate that doubt. It's to stop outsourcing your decisions to it. Welcome to the Flow Lane with me, Emma Mapon. This podcast is for the female entrepreneurs who want the both end big goals and a life that you can actually enjoy. We're talking sustainable scaling, working in flow, and creating a business that supports your energy, not trains it. Let's dive in. Imposter syndrome is lying to you. If you feel like a fraud, you are probably just new to this level. Welcome to this episode. We are diving into all things imposter syndrome because it is holding, I would say, 99% of people back. So when imposter syndrome hits, you don't fix yourself. You need to reset your relationship to the thought. Think of imposter syndrome as just a thought in your brain that you can actually master. There are three steps as a framework. Of course there is. Recognize, reframe, and respawn. This is going to fundamentally change how you show up as a leader, how you actually get out there and pitch yourself for things, because that imposter syndrome is not going to rule your life anymore. So often shows up the most, the imposter syndrome feeling, when you're doing something that matters. That butterfly feeling that you get in your stomach, the nerves before you step up on stage, or maybe you're going to give a pitch or a talk, it shows that you actually care. It shows that it actually matters to you that you do a good job, that you show up in a certain way. So it's not a bad thing to be experiencing. And often it will spike during those visibility moments. So the moments where you're in a big launch or you're raising your prices or you're pitching or you're trying to be more seen. You'll feel like, who even am I to take up this space? Who even am I to be in this room? And the goal isn't to necessarily eliminate that doubt, it's to stop outsourcing your decisions to it. I want you to let that land for a moment. To stop outsourcing your decisions to it. You're not trying to make it go away. You're just trying to make it so that it's not governing how you choose to act. So the reframe here is that imposter syndrome is not evidence that you are a fraud. It's just evidence that you're at the growth edge, that you're just peeking over the edge of the cliff to your new identity, your new standards, your new level of visibility. The whole thing is about your brain trying to keep you safe. Your brain is trying to keep you safe, not successful. Your nervous system doesn't care how successful you are, it cares how safe you are. So if you don't feel safe when you're stepping out there into this new level of visibility or the launch that you're doing, or whatever it is, imposter syndrome is going to creep in and all your nervous system, everything's gonna make you want to contract. You're gonna peek over the edge of that new version of yourself and you're gonna pull right back. So I have experienced this so many times in my career. One of the moments that it came up the most for me was when I first received my book, my physical book, in the mail. So they send you like an author copy of the book. And I open up the book and I see my name on the spine, I open it up and I read my words and I see my name and all the things, and I'm and it's this moment of realizing, oh my gosh, this is real. And I can't take it back now. The thing about writing a book is that you're kind of capturing your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective, your research for that moment in time. And then a really long time passes before that actually then goes out. So it's like you're also almost meeting this old version of yourself, and then you have to get out there and promote it and talk about it and see it on shelves, and it really was confronting for me. I felt like, who am I to be on a shelf? Who am I to have written this book? What the hell do I know about living in flow? All of these stories came through in my mind. And then when I would get a text message from someone saying, Oh my gosh, I saw your book in the bookstore, like, oh my gosh, I saw it on the shelf at my local shops. It just made me feel like, who am I to do this? Even though my whole life I wanted to be a published author. My whole life I'd wanted this moment. The imposter syndrome hit me really, really, really hard. Who am I to take up space on a shelf? I felt it in my body, and my tendency or the urgency that came from within me was to actually downplay it. Oh, it's not that big of a deal. Oh, it's not gonna be everywhere, oh, it's not that good. And maybe that's the Australian in me. For those of you that aren't from Australia, we have a thing called tall poppy syndrome where when someone gets too big for their boots, we like to pull them down. I don't know where the poppy thing came from, but any tall poppies, they're out. And so I noticed that was my tendency. Oh, it's just this, oh, but I'm not, oh but, but, but, but. Always trying to downplay rather than claiming, yeah, I worked really freaking hard for that opportunity. And so for me, I had to do this massive reframe to actually realize that it's safe to claim this. Because if I claim this, expectations might rise. If I'm seen, I can't control the narrative. Now, the shift that happens there is that my nervous system was calling it danger, but actually it's expansion. And so visibility isn't vanity, it's service if the message is meant to help. Visibility isn't vanity, it's service if the message is meant to help. I need you to let that land because so many people pull back and think, I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be perceived as trying too hard. I want to perceive like I'm trying to be an influencer because I'm posting online. If your message is important and it needs to get out to the world, then you kind of need to get out over yourself. You kind of need to get out of your own way and be the vessel for that message to come through. And so that's what I had to really, really work on and actually claim my seat at the author's table. Actually claim that, yeah, my work matters and this book is going to help people and always come back to who was it written for? It wasn't written for me, it was written to help other people. It was written to help the past version of me that needed to read those words when they were in the depths of feeling like they were just surviving and not thriving. And so if you're feeling that wobble right before you, you know, post or you raise your prices or you start selling or you put your book out or whatever it is, it doesn't mean that you need to stop. It just means that you're on the edge of your next level. That's what growth kind of feels like. So there's a few lies that your body, your nervous system, your mind tells you. The first lie is pretty obvious, right? I'm not qualified yet. Qualification is essentially lived experience, integrity, results, not perfection. You need proof and testimonials that you've had an impact, yes, for sure. But you also are never, ever going to be the ultimate expert in anything. So many people will chase the next qualification, the next certification, the next thing, the next thing, the next thing to try and make themselves feel more and more and more and more qualified rather than just stopping and realizing this is the level of qualification that I have right now. This is my positioning that I can take up in the marketplace and owning that. You're not underqualified, you're just new at this level. So you're gonna feel that sense of who am I to be here? You have to remind yourself, you know what? Yeah, actually, I have the proof, I have the testimonials, I have the qualifications under my belt, I deserve my seat at this table. The line number two that you will tell yourself, everybody else is better than me. Looking left and right on social media, it is just rife. It is right in front of your face that people that do the exact same thing or you are seemingly at different levels of the game. So you start comparing your behind the scenes to somebody else's highlight reel because you're living the behind the scenes and you're just seeing the highlight reel. I always say that it's it's like comparing your beginning to somebody else's middle. You don't know where they're at in their journey. You don't really know what it's taken for them to get there. You can only stay in your lane. So there's room because your people don't actually necessarily want the best. They want the best for them. They're looking for the best for them. And that might be you, or it might not be you, and that's okay. But that is why there is always room. There's always room for more. There is 50 million Pilates studios and Pilates teachers in the world. And yet you will go to one Pilates class and you'll be like, I loved that, I vibed with her, that was amazing. I feel like the best class of my life. And then you'll go to another class, same sequence, same music, same studio, different teacher, and you'll hate it, right? Because she wasn't for you. Something about her energy didn't resonate with you. So it doesn't matter if someone is quote unquote better than you on paper, your energy, what you emit, what you vibrate, who you attract, they're the people that are meant for you. So your differentiation and all that isn't having to be louder. It's actually just being clearer and aligned. When you're clear on who you are, on who you serve, on what you're here to do, you can attract all those people that are for you and you will repel the people that aren't for you. And that's the whole point. So the internet makes us think that it's a talent contest, but it's actually a resonance game. It is not a talents contest at all. You can be the least talented person in the room and still have more people coming your way because people just resonate with your message more. This is why I tell people to avoid trying to be relatable and try to actually be resonant. There's a difference because when you're showing up as the expert, quote unquote, you want to have this element of you can actually see me, you can get my vibe, you can resonate with me. But if you just switch into, but I just want to be relatable because I want everyone to feel seen and heard, and da-da-da-da-da, you lose your authority. No one's gonna come to you as the expert, they'll go to the other person that they perceive as actually being more talented, being better. So the third lie that we often tell ourselves, or that imposter syndrome is telling you, is that if I'm really good, it should feel easy. Oh gosh. Do you know people that would have said that who wanted to be in the Olympics? Like, I'm I'm really good at this. It should be easy to get to the Olympics. That's not how it works, right? Growth feels wobbly because identity is catching up to action. So discomfort is actually the data that this matters, this is new, and I'm actually vulnerable right now. You have to actually push yourself a little bit to peek over the edge to dive into that next level. So you can be aligned and still be scared. This is the both end. This is being able to hold both end. It's not black and white, it's abstract. Our Western mind revels in like systems, process, logic, a clear timeline. But when you actually dive beneath the surface of that, it's a circle, right? It's all happening simultaneously at once. So can you hold both simultaneously? Can you hold both the depths of despair and the highs of joy? Because that is life. We're never always happy where everything in life is perfect. And we're never always terrible where everything is terrible. There's always, there's always something in there that's that's allowing us to see this juxtaposition of dark and light simultaneously existing. And can we hold both? So if I'm really good, it should feel easy, is not true. If it were easy, everybody would do it. If it were easy, everybody would be where it is that you want to go. The people you see, and I use the Olympics because I I watched that documentary recently of a snowboarder. I know nothing about the Olympics, like snowboarding, all that kind of stuff. It's a world that's totally different to me. But I'm watching these people do these tricks and these flips where they're going up the side of a half pipe, spinning around six times in the air and coming back down and just like calling it a day's work. And I am like, wow, that is so impressive. Now to them, they're in a world where everybody else that they see does that. All their friends are snowboarders, everyone, that's so normal. So to us looking at that, we think, wow, that's impressive, they have skill. To them, they're constantly comparing themselves to the other people and they're constantly pushing for the 1%. The athletes that you see winning aren't just the ones that show up and do the basic training, they're the ones that push into the 1%. They're doing the 1% extra to give them that 1% extra edge to move to that next level. Most human beings don't do that. Most of us want to stay stuck in, I want to make it easy. It should feel easy. Easy and easeful are not the same things. If you're in flow, if you're doing the thing that you are meant to do, it will feel easeful, but it will not be easy because you have to have a certain amount of mastery to be in flow. People often confuse flow state with like, I'm just going with the flow or I'm in my flow right now. An athlete experiences flow state because they have mastered the craft. That snowboarder that you see flipping up the side, doing six flips and flopping back down has mastered the art of doing that. If you tried to do it, you would probably die. He's mastered the art of doing that. So it feels like he's in flow when he's doing that because he has the skills behind it to make it feel easeful. Is it easy? No, he's still using a huge amount of effort and mental anguish to be able to go through that whole process. This is where people really, I think, go wrong. It's not meant to be easy, but it will be easeful if you're in the flow, if you're in your right place at the right time, if you're doing what it is that you came here to do. So don't let a little bit of challenge, a little bit of friction hold you back from stepping into it. Easy isn't the metrics, substance is. Can you bring substance to the into the equation? So I mentioned before that there is the three R reset. The number one is recognize. This is imposter syndrome. Recognize it as it comes up. Name where it shows up. Is it during the week that you're launching something? Is it when you go to post something? Is it uh on a sales call? Is it in a DM? Is it when you mention your pricing? Is it when you get on a stage? Spot the pattern. So is it your perfectionist that's coming out in you? Are you overpreparing? Are you procrastinating? Are you hiding? What is the behavior that you start to put out there when this shows up for you? So what do I do when you doubt yourself? Do you overwork or do you disappear? Most people will sit on either side of that. Then we have the reframe, the reframe. So this isn't truth, this is transformation. My brain is protecting me from danger. I'm actually safe. I don't need certainty, I need alignment. So this is where you can actually do a bit of a reset, a reset. I will often do this before I'm making a big visibility move before I get on a stage. It's actually just one hand on heart, one hand on belly, connect in, breathe, feel that internal power, and then actually say to myself, I'm allowed to be here. I'm allowed to be here. I'm safe. I'm safe being visible, I'm allowed to be here. I am telling my nervous system in that moment that it's okay, that we're safe to be here. And what that does is trigger expansion. Because then when I'm on that stage in front of all those people in an environment that most people would think is scary and oh, who am I to be there? My nervous system's like, no, no, you told us we're safe, so we're good, we're okay here. So you don't need certainty, you just need alignment. When you are in alignment, everything else will flow. And then number three is respond. So one tiny little brave action today. So, what can you do to actually lean into that? Can you just post the post that you've been sitting on that feels a bit edgy or send the email or make the offer? Can you actually push that edge in a way that you're telling yourself, no, I'm safe to do this? And then actually make it time-bound. So, okay, in the next 10 minutes, I'm making one move that's gonna push me to this thing. Because I know you'll listen to this and you go, that sounds great in theory, and then you just get on with your life. When you finish listening to this, I want you to spend 10 minutes making one move that stretches you and doing it in a way that your nervous system feels safe so that that imposter syndrome fades away pretty quickly. Let the action create the evidence. That is how you train your thought, that is how you rewire your brain. The action becomes the evidence for the next level. And evidence is built, it's not found. You can find evidence in a book, right? To support an argument. You need to find it within yourself, meaning you need to build the evidence. That when I got up on the stage and I gave my speech and I got down, nobody died. Everything was okay. I didn't die. I moved on with my life. Everyone forgot about it two days later. The more that you do it, the more that you do those reps, the more evidence that you have, then the imposter syndrome goes away. Then you find the next stage and you push beyond that, but that's another story for another day. So imposter syndrome is essentially just a side effect of expansion. Action is how you build the evidence. And I really want you to actually take the action because alignment actually can sometimes feel a bit scary. Like if you realize that you're out of alignment in a relationship, in a work partnership, in whatever it is that you're doing, it feels scary and you contract, but it doesn't mean that it's it's wrong. It's just prompting you to take action. So action is how you build evidence. I want you to finish listening to this and go and take the action. Spend 10 minutes, take one move. Let your action create the evidence. Remember, evidence is built, not found. So what is the one thing that you have been holding back on? What is the one spicy thought that you maybe want to share with the internet or the email that you want to send or the pitch you want to make? Do it. 10 minutes, that's all you need. Hand on heart, hand on belly. I am safe. I am safe being visible. I belong here. And then do the thing. Do it, and then come and comment how you went. Because I want to know how this landed for you, how your body feels, and how you feel in that expansion. Because imposter syndrome is purely just your next level loading. So come and leave me a comment below or jump over onto Instagram, send me a DM. I love hearing for you how these episodes land and how you were able or what you were able to achieve in the 10 minutes that you are now committed to going and doing a thing. I'll be back with you again really soon.