Queued4Christ
Queued4Christ
Dialog With Darlene: The Art of Setting Godly Boundaries and Spiritual Discipline
Discover the transformative power of setting boundaries that honor God and protect our spiritual health as Elder Harper and I explore the complexities of living a life aligned with divine wisdom. Crafting boundaries is an art, and today, we're unraveling the canvas of scriptures, personal experiences, and profound insights to bring color to the concept of spiritual safeguards. Our candid conversation illuminates the path for adults and children alike, guiding us to implement limits that are not just personal preferences but align with the Ten Commandments and God's design for our lives.
Navigating the intricacies of relationships can be likened to walking a tightrope; one misstep without a safety net of boundaries can lead to a perilous fall. Elder Harper and I dissect the delicate balance required to maintain our convictions while fostering healthy connections in every area of life. From the professional sphere where faith meets the corporate world, to the intimate dynamics of family life, we share how setting and respecting limits is key to thriving in a purpose-driven existence. As we share our stories, we hope to equip you with the discernment needed to recognize who should remain in your life's story and who may need a graceful exit.
Wrapping up our thought-provoking session, we emphasize the importance of embracing boundaries as a form of spiritual discipline and self-control. It's a powerful stance that resonates with the journey of 'Grown Women Raising Godly Children', where the roadmap of personal limits shapes the future of our offspring. As you reflect on the wisdom shared, I invite you to pass it forward, planting seeds of faith and fortitude in your community. Remember, it's not only about staying true to your spiritual calling but also about 'staying cute for Christ' as you walk in grace and empowerment.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey, everyone, this is kiana, your creator and your host of cute for christ, and I want to say thank you to everyone that has liked and shared and commented, whatever you done. I'm so excited and I'm so happy and I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you, okay. So, anyways, tonight, tonight, can you say tonight I am back with my co-host, elda Harper. I'm so excited. How are you tonight, elda Harper? I'm doing well.
Speaker 1:I'm doing well. Thanks for having me on once again anytime.
Speaker 2:You know it's always hard to get out there.
Speaker 2:People don't understand what we have to go through sometimes to record, um, but I'm so excited that you're here, I'm so excited to share just this space and for you to be here with me throughout these, this journey. I always have to make sure I say thank you and I'm telling you it's going to get better and better. So, anyways, that was just a little prophetic that I had to say so. Anyways, tonight, you know, we have been on the topic of grown women raising Godly or is it God, I'm sorry, Godly women raising grown children. And so tonight we're going to talk about creating boundaries. And so I'm excited because what I'm really talking about is creating a healthy and Godly boundary that will show our children how to create their own boundaries in their sector, Because we can't be with them all the time and we can't just like show them how to do it they, you know or be right there saying do this, do that, do that.
Speaker 2:But we can show them through our living and show them through the things that God has taught us when it comes to setting and creating a healthy and godly boundary. And when I say healthy, I mean you want to have a healthy boundary where is like across the board, you know, you know, it's not not that toxic or not just like oh okay, you know, I mean a healthy boundary. Like you know, you can still talk to the people, but you just know how to handle them and how to feed them and how to deal with them. So that that's what I mean healthy, um, all around. So that's what I mean healthy all around. And when I say godly, it's something that's biblical, that we can take and we can use, that. We can create these boundaries and it's not. It ain't going to keep us from going with him when he comes. Hallelujah.
Speaker 2:And that's the main thing, because we don't want to like, we don't want to just be like oh okay, I'm like, I'm like being around him because of this, this, this, you know, we want to make sure that is something set from above. Okay that you know, we can kind of follow, you know, because people don't really talk about this.
Speaker 2:A lot of people don't talk about this. So, um, anyways, I'm going to jump right into it. I want to say a quick prayer and then we will go right into just kind of and it's going to be kind of informal today, it's going to be just a little talking, trying to deal with certain things. We all trying to create these boundaries. Right, we get triggered. Oh, we're going to that later, so, anyways, I'm gonna say a quick prayer. All right, dear heavenly father, we come to you.
Speaker 2:First, we want to say thank you for carving out this time, god, god, this time that you have carved out for us to be able to speak with each other, god, to be able to just converse on the things that you have set before us, god, and we know that someone is going to get this message. Somebody is needing to hear about the message that we have set. God, we know that you are here and you have set your angels out to be with us, god, god. So we just thank you now for the things that you've done, thank you now for the things that you're doing. We thank you now for even sending Jesus, god, so he can be our example, so we can follow him, and we know that he was able to create boundaries, and we can do it too, god, and so we thank you now, god, for what you have done.
Speaker 2:We know that you're going to our houses, god. You are touching our children, god, god, our sick children, god. We thank you now for touching them, god, and leading and guiding them in what they need to do. God and God. So we thank you now, god, just for everybody that is represented on this line, god, even the ones that are coming, that are going to touch somebody else, god, somebody that is going to hear this message, god. We thank you now for opening up their ears, god, and open up their heart, god, and so we thank you now for what you have done. We thank you now for what you're doing, god. We thank you now for hiding us behind the cross and allowing us to get the message to your people, and so we just thank you now, god. We love you, we honor you, god, we cherish you. It's in Jesus' name that I pray, amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, amen, amen, amen, all right, all right.
Speaker 2:Look, that's my little dance, y'all. So anyways, anyways, tonight we are going to talk about it, talk about it, talk about it how to create a godly, a healthy and godly boundary when it comes to the biblical standpoint. You know, we want to be able to show ourselves, show that we have created healthy boundaries when it comes to our children, so they can see us and they can emulate us and they can take it and put it to their life, emulate us, and they can take it and put it to their life and um, and so one thing that I had found, and one thing I had found um on this website, it was it's, it's clothed with dignity and they was talking about how to set biblical boundaries. As a Christian, I really, really like that, you know, because sometimes we don't think that it is a biblical principle when it comes to boundary, because a lot of people say, oh you say. And I hate when people say that, oh you say you're supposed to do that, you're supposed to do that.
Speaker 2:So when you hear that, when people say that, or, or, you know, because they think that you're supposed to be just this Christian walking around open arms with everybody, so when you hear that, what do you think? When it comes to, oh, you're supposed to be saved.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, we get it sometimes. It's what it does. Is just reminds me that there is a massive amount of ignorance in the world as it pertains to what the godly life looks like, really, what it is. Is people not knowing the word the Bible is? Is people not knowing the word? They're the vibing um and having enough um within themselves to try and to try it for themselves.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. So it's it's, it's a matter of them being judgy, you know, um, but when you are really living a Christian life, you're actually much more compassionate towards people, because you yourself have a better view of imperfection. You understand the grace that's needed in humanity, you know, with humanity, tribal people, yeah, it's kind of annoying, annoying. It's annoying because there's stigma there's, there's all kind of you know ways that you know people think we're supposed to be, you know, but we're not supposed to be somebody's figment of their imagination of what they think christianity should look like, you know, and everybody's at different stages in their lives. So it's because it's not fair.
Speaker 2:It's not my favorite thing, and it has happened to me right and and the thing about it, they, you know, a lot of people just think that christians are supposed to be walked all over, you know. But if you know that jesus in the bible, he was not like that, okay, no, he, he did not. He didn't take. You know, he took some, he didn't take as much as people would have. They, like you said, they're ignorant.
Speaker 2:They haven't read the full thing or they haven't really interpreted the right way, and so um you know we have to make sure.
Speaker 1:You know, I make sure it, because we got with Jesus being God, all God, all man. He doesn't have any choice but to be walking truth. Right, he's going to be true, he's going to be truthful, he's going to be honest. So he's going to deal with people straight up and down and if he needs to give a parableables, he's going to give them parables. If he needs to give them, um, you know some wording or some questioning that that's going to bring them to another form of realization and that that's what he's going to do, because he was not about hiding. You know what I mean not trying to people, please. Yes, so his boundary was I have to be the truth and I'm gonna have to do it in such a way to where, right, you come into more knowledge.
Speaker 2:you know about me in the right right right and and uh, it says here in this, this um arc, it says biblical boundaries are personal rules that you set in place to make sure that no one takes advantage of you, hurts or harm you or treats you with disrespect. And so that's one thing that we want to know, that we don't have to take disrespect, we don't have to take you hurting us just because we say, you know, I'm saying yes, yeah, you know how people say God ain't through me yet, god ain't through me yet. But no, seriously, you know, we don't, we don't have to. You know, take the, the people taking advantage of the simple fact that you have Christ in your life, or you know being hurt or whatever. And that's one thing that I want to kind of talk about, because I want my children to see that I don't take that and they don't have to take it. You know and um, and so you know, we know that our children live by our examples. Uh, for the most part, like I, like I said, I can't be with them 24, eight, I can't be standing next to them and telling them okay, no, do this, do that, do this, especially when they get grown. And so we know that when they are grown when they get grown. And so we know that when they are grown, all we can do is say that we set the stage for them where they can be able to know that they can follow our example.
Speaker 2:One example, they say, of setting a boundary includes saying no to someone cutting someone off in your life, to someone cutting someone off in your life, and just loving them from a distance and walking away from situations that may require you to abandon your faith or change the beliefs that you have.
Speaker 2:And so that's one thing that I want my children to know is that if you're with somebody and they trying to make you change what you believe, then you don't have to, especially if it's going against the Bible. You know and see, we don't want that. You can't go in and change, and you know a lot of people. They try to use the Bible in their own way to justify what they're doing, and so you have. You know they say the scriptures in the hands of a fool. You get the scriptures in the hand of a fool. They want to change it up, and that's and that's the thing. That's one reason why I want to do this, because I want people to understand that it is biblical practice right, that it is biblical practice right To this Absolutely, so we don't have to worry about, you know, when you create that boundary.
Speaker 2:You don't have to. You know. We know that the Bible says be ye in 2 Corinthians 6, 14, be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion have light with darkness? So you do not have to sit there and deal with that, those things.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, we're going to move right along this thing. I kind of want to go. They give five ways to establish biblical boundaries in your life and I just want to kind of tackle some of I know I don't want to be on here too long but I kind of, you know, I love to pick Elder Harper's brain a little bit so she can kind of give you know we feed off each other. They say. They say I'm sharp and iron so I like to kind of get that. So one of the first ways that they say is boundaries that are set by God. And see, people don't realize that God actually set boundaries. And it says the first kind of boundary that God set up was with Adam and Eve. He told them that they could live in the Garden of Eden and eat from any tree, itself for what? And so I'm laughing because nobody really thought about that boundary in the beginning. So when you hear that, what do you think about that first boundary off the rip?
Speaker 1:you know that God said when I think of that as a boundary, that the Lord said and it was like the first thing it just lets me know that he was putting his foot down. You know he meant what he meant. He meant what he said and now he has to begin to execute, whatever the consequences. After you know they broke the rule. They did what they were not supposed to do. So he shows us that actions do have to happen after that, so it can't just be talk.
Speaker 2:It can't be talk. And you know, like you said, when and I'm going back to our children when we set those boundaries with our children or we show them that, okay, I know I'm not supposed to do this, because this right here will lead me to this, and this is something that God said in the beginning. He told us not to do that. And when you even get the Ten Commandments, when God tells you not to sin, we have to be that light to say, okay, the Ten Commandments people don't know, those are boundaries, you can't cross those lines. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, if you can't, you can't cross those lines. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so you know we have those boundaries that God has said okay, you do this. This is what's going to happen you know, so don't get to that point, basically.
Speaker 2:And so you know, we have to know that when God sets up boundaries in your life, you obey them, you trust in him, believe that God is doing good in your life and is protecting you. And so that's what we want to know that when God set boundaries, he's, he's, he's we. We should obey him. Obey them, trust in him, believe that he's doing good. Obey them, trust in him, believe that he's doing good. And that's how we want to do when we tell our children okay, don't go to the club like that, guess what. You want to create that boundary because I want you to protect yourself, I want you to make sure.
Speaker 1:You said that God creates the boundaries for us and we need to obey them and really boundaries in general, when part of the benefit of them being created is that it promotes the proper mindset, because we have to realize that the boundary is needed for a reason and so, whatever the person is thinking, whatever the soul is dwelling upon something, says that crossing this boundary is okay or going this far is okay, but that's why the boundary has to be there to say no, it's not okay. So when you have to back up and now adjust and change what what you're doing, that means that, okay, I need a whole new mindset now. I need to know how to live right here and don't go to this point. What is the mindset that I should have right here, where I can remain successful, where I can continue to be, you know, in the best way I can be. You know what I mean, because it's right.
Speaker 1:Understand that to every rule or law or boundary, there is a mindset that goes with it right you know right, and and our and our thought process should, should be in alignment with them, because that means we must need it, you know, and and we don't realize when we're just living and just going our own way and doing what we do, you know, and this is this kind of relates to, like people needing encouragement, things like that you might not even know is, hey, my head is hung down, right, you realize, oh, I'm feeling a different kind of way. So it's like the realization is, oh, I need to have my head up, oh, I need joy, I need to move from the place of sadness, move from the place of. You see what I mean. So it's just, it's just a necessary thing to have the mindset of whatever it is, because I apparently it is needed, is necessary, and something about that is gonna keep us healthy, whole, safe right, right.
Speaker 2:And I thought about girl, and it's so crazy, because I was thinking about how, you know, know, when God set the boundary with Adam and Eve and you know, and the devil was like, oh, you surely won't die, and so he got them to cross that boundary. And I was thinking about, like you know, when we sin, we might not think we're going to die, right then the enemy is telling us oh us, oh you ain't gonna die if you do that, but guess what? Your soul is dying, right. So just say, for instance, you driving on the highway and you, you get to a sign that say don't go cross, don't pass here a stop or whatever, and it's a cliff on the other side. But you, you say you know what, I'm going to keep going. Guess what You're going to end.
Speaker 2:The consequences is you're going to end up off that cliff. Or you know, you're, you know, and so we have to know that when the boundaries are there, when, when you get the sign to say to stop, which is the sign is, is the boundary right? So you know that you don't want to cross that because anything can happen. You don't know what can happen. You know you might not die at that moment. But guess what? You fall off that cliff. You're going to die when you hit that ground.
Speaker 1:Right. And in the scenario where something doesn't happen right away, when the person does go past that boundary now they have the wrong mindset. Exactly, person does go past that boundary, now they have the wrong mindset.
Speaker 2:exactly now they got the mindset of oh, I can keep going nothing has happened.
Speaker 1:Nothing, you know. And then we know how that works. Things eventually catch up with people right and and but, but that's the wrong mindset. We can't have the mindset of, oh, you know, it's okay, you know, nothing is happening to me right now. We don't really realize what's actually taking place in our mind, our heart and our soul and we're just talking about these things like kind of on a surface level. We're not even talking about like spiritually. You know we're, we're definitely lending our members, opening up doors, you know, to to when you sin, when you're being disobedient on purpose. You know, and I love the examples that were given, even with the priests and the, the sons of the priesthood there, and they, you know, the father didn't say anything to the sons and it's like, yeah, something, they end up losing their lives, you know right, right that that's so good and, like you said, it could be something so deeper than that.
Speaker 2:Really, you know, um, that spiritual warfare can start to take place when you start to go past the boundary that god has set for you as a Christian. You know you can start getting evil ties. You can start, I mean, it can be so much. So, anyways, that's quite different. We're going to move on to the next one.
Speaker 2:And so the next one is how to establish healthy boundaries in relationships. Healthy boundaries in relationships Now we're not just talking about just, you know, marital relationship. It's relationship as a whole. So we got you know your work ship, your friendship. You got you know even just your family. Yeah Right, I don't know why I laughed about that, that's an insider, but you know it is. And so we know that.
Speaker 2:It says, as you probably already know, we are in a constant state of spiritual warfare when it comes to this. The devil is doing all he can to distract us, tempt us and drag us away from our faith and our purpose in life. So we need to make sure that we are solely focusing on God alone and his will for our lives. And so when we have to create boundaries in relationship, we have to realize that sometimes that relationship can take you further away from focusing on what God has set for your life. That's why it's always good.
Speaker 2:That's why the Bible says do not be unequally yoked, because when you get in those relationships or get with other people, that will manipulate you to not doing what God wants you to do and say oh do it this way, why are you doing it that way, and so we have to know that it is that where it's like okay, no, I got to create this boundary because I know what God has called me to do and you're not being impactful to my destination. So that's, that's the reason why we do the um, the the um create the boundary with the relationship, or create the boundary even with the work being at work. So what do you think when you think about creating a boundary in those ships?
Speaker 1:Okay, you know, a lot of times I don't think we always maybe recognize the influence, influences that people have on us. They may not even be quote-unquote, like manipulating on purpose. They may not even be, like you know, very malicious, because a lot of times we have to set boundaries for our own selves. Right, if we see in their lives that, hey, them just being themselves is messing up what we're doing, we have to make that decision anyhow that is girl.
Speaker 2:That is so good, because you have to be able to discern who you are when it comes to being around people. You know that are, that are, are like that, because sometimes, you know we, when we don't see certain some of these red flags that they have on here, you know one of the ones like forcing you to do something you don't want to do. You know like, oh, you can drink. You know what I'm saying. Ain't nothing wrong with you drinking, or ain't nothing wrong with you cussing, or whatever. You know those type of things where they trying to force you to do things that you don't want to do. You already know that. Okay, god, you have pulled me away from there, so I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:You know, and we have to be able to recognize these, some of these red flags that they have on here, that, um, that they, you know the, like I said, the article clothed with dignity have on here, and I'm only saying the article because I don't know the author right now, the author of it, but anyways, the author went to writing. You know different beliefs, you know, especially when they go against the Bible, you know, and it is, it is so. It's so crazy. Like I said, you have some people that will use the scriptures you know because they would know the word, just like we know the word you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so they will tell you, they will. You know especially that scripture about how women are supposed to keep quiet in the church. They will take that scripture and run with it and and beat you on side of the head when, when a woman is inside of a church doing something or speaking on the pulpit or whatever. So you know, it's so crazy. But oh, one of the other ones that I like, oh, this one right here, is a red flag.
Speaker 1:It says it says saying that God told me you are the one for me that's, that's not just a red flag, honey, is a bullhorn, a foghorn, a a fire. What they with the, with those little flame that they shoot out when, when you what do you say?
Speaker 2:that the, the, uh. What do you say? Listen, run away. Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:You know people would say that you know, and, because they know you're a godly woman, or they know that you, you know you go to church, or you, you know you're, you're in your spirit. So now they're using, they're being actually manipulative. When it comes to that, you know it's like okay, and you know some people don't, and that's why I say it's good to have the spirit of discernment. Now, I ain't saying look, don't, don't. I ain't saying that everybody that have said that to you is not the one for you. Okay, said that to you is not the one for you, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm saying take it to God, because you know you have to really, really know, um, you know and and and, like I said, another one of these is they, you know, they say it's steering you away from the faith and you can be in the workspace. That and one thing that I really I ain't gonna say I don't like, but you know some jobs that tell you oh, don't talk about your faith, you know, and that right there can put you in a bad space, especially when you're a child of God and you're trying to minister the word to somebody. So have that ever happened to you, where you just had to choose between your faith and your job?
Speaker 1:Um, not so directly, no, not exactly, but I did have to be wise. Um, I did have to be wise, um, I did have to just, I mean, like say it in a way where they understand what I mean and I'm letting them know I'm a believer, yes, you know, I'm a Jesus follower, and so everything I say after this point, you know, is just how I made it over, you know, because I don't know. It's just a way that I think it can be done, that that could still make it possible, but I know it can be really challenging. I've heard a lot of different situations where people, you know, kind of get in trouble from those things because people not paying you to be on the job preaching and giving the word, and I do believe that we should render the Caesar what it seizes.
Speaker 1:I understand that, and so if that opportunity does come up, maybe on a lunch break or something like that, if you ask me a question about how I experience something I still I'm obligated to tell you what it is, because I'm not going to lie on my life, I'm not going to lie on the Lord.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly Cause I, you know, I remember being in the emergency room in a hospital. You know, everybody knew me. If you know, I wasn't walking around just like, oh, jesus, jesus, jesus, don't you know I. But like you say, if, if I had a patient and they were, you know, I will always assess the situation, but I never would not stop talking about God when it came to this, because I know God to be a healer and so if I'm, if I'm in there, I'm going to tell you the man that can heal you. You know what I'm saying. But you have to have the faith and so you know it.
Speaker 2:It some sometimes, when you it does create like this. You know it's a thin line, because, of course, you need your job, you know, or you need your, you know, but you want to make sure you have this healthy, um, relationship at work with your, with your co-workers, because you don't want to walk in there. They'd be like, oh lord, here she comes, you know, and you want to make sure that you have it, but you come to Bible thumper, so, but you want to make sure that, um, you not it uh, one of the things that not allow anyone to force or pressure you to do anything you don't want to do, um, and so you, you want to make sure, and that, and that goes both ways. So you don't want to force people and and make them feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:That's where the healthiness comes from, because you don't want to force each other, and that's that's one thing, and so, but one thing you don't want to, but one thing you do want to do is always make sure you put God first and allow him to be the center of the relationship, and when you can allow him, jesus would know when to let you speak and when not to let you speak. He will know when it's time, you know, to talk about jesus, or when it's time to talk about him, or when it's time when it's not. You know it's always, um, it's always ways to do things, you know. So, anyways, I, I, I love it I love it so.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, we're gonna move to the next one. It's a uh boundaries for children.
Speaker 2:Now that we just had this whole little thing, oh my goodness and um. But it's always a good thing when we can create boundaries for our children, whether they are older or not, you know. But you know we want to make sure that we are setting boundaries for them because it's important even at a start, at a young age. So it's important to start at a young age teaching them. Okay, you don't do this. You do this because you know, like the Bible says in Proverbs 22 and six. It says train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. So we want to create this boundary that is a healthy one. And one of the examples that they give is saying no when necessary. And that's good right there, because a lot of people they want to say yes to everything, especially nowadays, because you don't want. You want your children to be a friend. You know that's what people want. So what do you say about that?
Speaker 1:Trying to make sure you say no when it's necessary, because and and really discern and when to say no um, I noticed for me, though, like I had to deal with some weak spots even in this process, because that transition from being a child to a young adult to an adult is challenging because the power and the strengths that you leaned on before is not the same as when they are adults.
Speaker 1:So you may find adults, so you may find may you know everybody's different. I found it challenging to shift from friend to okay. Now I need to put some boundaries here because, um, I, I, I want you to still, I want us to still have a good relationship, but I also want you to know that you can't go this far. I need you to do this or just kind of straighten things out, and I recognize that I had a weak place in there and I didn't want to speak up. I didn't want to.
Speaker 1:Uh, I recognize that there was like a personality difference between myself and and my children sometimes, and I had to just like really get my heart strengthened, really Right, and just kind of sort things out and put them back in perspective and realize that every good decision that we make is for the, the betterment of the relationship. Everything that we have to do is so that we can maintain and continue to go forward. If we don't do things, if we don't get things squared away, then it's a lie, it's false, then that's going to be able to create, you know, break, break, breaking points, um, like breaches, you know. And so we need these things to be talked out. We need a safe time, a space. Take safe space to do it right. It just has to be done, because the pressures don't really go away. We can try all these different tactics avoidance and all that kind of stuff, but at the end of the day, you're still gonna be the parent, they're still gonna be the kid or the adult right at the end of the day.
Speaker 2:Look, my I was, um, I was talking to somebody, but I was like my grandmother is still 101 and my and my mama can't say everything to her that that right now she done created that boundary for hell. Like I'm still, I'm 101 and you still can't talk to me any kind of way, you know, or because I'm not your friend. Like you say, we have to learn how to be able to switch it. I can, I say, switch it, switch it off. But I mean, like you can go from being this okay, I'm okay with us joking, or I'm okay with us, you know being, you know this way. But when it comes time for me to lead you and lead you into a way where you need to go, then you know it's time.
Speaker 2:The Bible says in Hebrews 12, 6 through 7, for whom the Lord loveth, he chases and escorted. Every son whom he receiveth, every, every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, god dealeth with you as with sons, for what son he is, whom the father chasteth not. So we want to make sure that we are doing what we need to do when it comes to that time, because we want to, um, really have that like okay, you're doing wrong, let me get you right. You know what I'm saying. But at the same token, we come with love. We can still be able to be, you know. So they can come to us, you know. You know how, when Jesus, we can go to Jesusesus by anything, but we also know that he can, he can correct us at the same time.
Speaker 2:So yeah, yes yes, that's that's what I love about it, because I could be like, oh god, I don't feel like doing that and god be like, okay, I need you to get yourself together. You know what I'm saying. And I'd be like, all right, you're right, you're right, god, okay, but anyways, the next one is learning self-control. Now this one. Oh, self-control, now this one. Oh my God, you have to learn how to have that self-control. Setting up biblical boundaries for yourself is more than protecting yourself from others' behavior, but also about protecting you from yourself. That's. That's a. That's hard, because sometimes we can. We was, we would set boundaries, but we would overstep them in a minute. You know, yeah, we will. We will go back on our word because, oh well, I feel sorry for them or you know, or whatever.
Speaker 2:But we said you know, we want to be able to have self-control when it comes to us and our boundaries. That you know, if I'm triggered by what you have said to me, then I have to know that that means I don't let you allow you to overstep that boundary that I had already placed. And so when it comes to that, we have to make sure that we are not constantly because we are always constantly spiritual fighting against the desires of the flesh. So in our minds we're like oh okay, maybe I could do just a little bit of this. You know what I'm saying? Because I don't think. I don't. I think because most of the time here's the thing Most of the time we think that we set the boundary and not God set the boundary, but in actuality God said God gave you that boundary so you can set it, because he know what would trigger you.
Speaker 2:He know that it will take you out of your character. And so we have to make sure that when we have that self-control and I think we were talking about this before we started having that self-control when I have stepped outside of my character, that means you have triggered me, and that means I have let my self-control go. So what do you think about that?
Speaker 1:Yes, I think there are some layers of recognition that has to take place in those moments and it is really like a learning journey really for each individual per area that they're being dealt with in, you know, and so it's like it's not just knowing. Okay, I don't, I want to respond in love, right, but I feel like we have to not only like sit set out to renew our minds, but to also like practice our responses and to really be like fortified in our reasoning of why we're doing what we're doing, because when you are trying to accomplish something good and golly and you're all in on something, you're really giving it all you got.
Speaker 1:And a lot of times we'll set something into being. Like you already said, we'll just kind of knock it down and go right past it. You know, because we're not a lot of times we're not all the way committed, even within ourselves.
Speaker 2:We know we need to be there.
Speaker 1:We'll probably put some up there, but it won't be like something to where, for real, there's no other options, you know, but that takes some personal assessment, that takes some, some examination on the inside, and that means that we have to really put in the layers there, put in the mindset, put in the you know. Ok, this is how I'm going to act, this is what I'm going to say, back and think about our, like I said, our reasons why I like build padding around, reasons why like build padding around right, build up that force, that godly fortitude, because, um, the enemy is going to try and he's going to come from all different kind of angles anyway, you know.
Speaker 1:So I mean, the temptations are going to be there and I mean we I'm sure we've all experienced that, you know, we'll, we'll try and do something right and then, if you don't get you on this side, he going to try you on the other side. You know what I'm saying. And so it's like, okay, you know, you learn how to get strong, you learn how to put your dukes up, you learn how to get low and humble, but really all of that, that's what it's teaching us. It's teaching us how to navigate and move and be flexible and bob and weave with Holy Spirit, because when we're doing things in our own flesh, we're likely to get jabbed, you know, and likely to get hit and get caught with, you know, taking that bait, you know, that bait that was put out before us.
Speaker 1:And so sometimes I just I do believe that allows certain things to happen to us, so we really can take that inner, deep look. And so I will say, even for myself, there's something that happened to me last year was it last year, around Easter time time? And I couldn't believe that I was willing to sacrifice everything that God had built up in my life. Wow, to be able, just to be able, to retaliate. Be free, not really free, not godly freedom, but freedom in such a way to act a fool that a scripture tells us to be free to worship. Don't be right and into sin you know, act up in our flesh.
Speaker 1:We're gonna be a bondage again as a sin, for sure, oh for sure, you know. And so I couldn't believe that I was willing to let go of everything that my, my witness, my, my name, you know, reputation, everything just because I had been done wrong. You know that I had experienced some injustice and somebody crossed a boundary with me, and you know I was ready to let them know. You know, in the worst way. And I'm, and I'm like you know how dare I. I had to get to the point like it took me days, days of moaning, groaning, grunting, fighting, fighting, fighting with the lord, like uh-uh, no, you know what I mean. And it's like I had broken down and get to that place where I realized, like you know, not only is the situation, the circumstance not worth it. I, like you said, lost self-control, I was willing to let go, to lose, Right. I mean, I had to look Jesus in the face and say you're not worth it.
Speaker 1:You don't have. Ooh, what you got is not enough for me, what you don't love is not enough, your power is not enough. I mean, you really have to look in the mirror, ask those questions and then, if you can say yes to that, then how are we really believers, you know? So I had to like really swallow that and realize, no, you know, no, my Lord is enough. What is way more important than whatever else is that's temporary.
Speaker 1:What God does is eternal. You know it's like it's. We have to be able to see things for what they are and keep going and realize it's worth it to do the work to create the boundary and for, for the, for people, for situations and scenarios, people, places and things, and it is worth it to create it for ourselves, because now we level up in the area of self-worth, like the worth it's an issue of worth. You know it's a matter of like.
Speaker 1:You know the value that you get is like we gotta look at it, and so my god.
Speaker 2:I'm sitting over here because that's what I was just going to say. You know about knowing your worth, like you have to know how precious and valuable you are in God's eyes, you know. So for you to say you know I'm gonna be influenced by the sin of this world is basically saying that you don't know your worth in his eye, you don't know how valuable you are to him, yeah. And and for you to say that you was like willing to just be like you know, and that's that just blessed my soul Seriously.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it really made me sad as a daughter. It really did Right and thinking about it, just all of that life, all of my life that was lived up to this point, what I really want to throw all of that away right you know, then I really don't love myself, I don't love myself, or guys like I said.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, that was one of the things that they, they said you have to know your work, you know, um, casting out negative thoughts, you know, and emotions in your minds, because that stuff, like you said, will tempt you. You'll be so tempted to do the wrong thing. I know, you know, one reason why I stopped drinking was because I was drinking because my father had died, and so when that negative thought of thinking about my dad came, then that negative like oh, you need to grab you a cup of wine, and I was like, no, I don't, I don't, you know. So now, when I think of my father, I had to create that boundary and say I'm not going to do this because I'm, you know, thinking about my father, you know. And so we have to cast down those negative thoughts. You know one way to say stay in prayer.
Speaker 2:You know, that is big for me you know, stand in the face of God and always talking to him. You know, that's one way that I have pre boundary for myself, so I won't break that boundary myself Because, you know, sometimes, like you say, I'll be so ready to just be like, okay, I ain't finna worry about what God do, I'm finna, do this. And then you know, and it's like, am, am I gonna throw everything away for this quick moment? No, I'm not, and so that's that's. You know, that's, um, really really good, that's really good.
Speaker 2:Like I said, having self-control is one of the main things in when you're creating that boundary. And it's almost like when you say I'm finna go, I'm not going to eat sugar or whatever. A lot of people can't handle that because they can't deal with that boundary, like, okay, I'm going to set this boundary for myself, I'm not going to do this, and they can't handle that. And so that's when you have to say, okay, no, I'm gonna stay away from that, I'm gonna stay away from this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, you know.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, um, and the last one is huge as well, because sometimes the people that we want to have in our you, away from the journey that God has you on, and so we have to make sure that we are doing that by and it protects us from the bad people entering in our lives. You know what I'm saying, whether it's a friend or family or you know, just any outside people that are saying, oh, I can help you do this. No, you have to make sure that you are setting that boundary for others that are not for your journey. You know, and and of course you have to test the spirit by the spirit.
Speaker 2:So if they ain't in the spirit, then that's not the right person that you need to be hanging with. That's not the right person in your life. So, um, have there ever been a time where you had to just be like you know what? You gotta go basically uh, that was a.
Speaker 1:The lord had to do that one for me and I just had to be obedient and accept it and be okay with it, um, because, um, I didn't see it at first, he was. He was the one who had to tell me this person is no good for you, you know, and and I need you to cut them off. Like he said, sever the relationship. And I really held it for another year. And he came back a year later later and said I said, sever the relationship, you know, and and so, because a lot of times we don't always catch it, you know, sometimes we do, and but that was one time where he had to do it for me and I was okay with that he will do it.
Speaker 2:He will do it, he will take away those ones. That is not for you, Because you know, one prayer that I always make sure that I pray is you know, God, um, take away the people that are not for me, and God will always something it always happened where you know that person that came in my life. They're not in my life because of whatever you know. And I heard, I think I heard I think it was Pastor James that said this God, God, show me who they are before I have to take the knife out my back, or something like that. They are before I have to take the knife out my back, or something like that. And it was like, oh, yes, Show me who they are, so before I have to take the knife out you don't want.
Speaker 2:You don't want anybody in your life that will stab you in your back, and so that's, that's one of those things where you want to set those boundaries for those people that are not, that are not impactful for your journey. They are not helpful, they're not needed, you know, for that journey or that season anyways, because sometimes it ain't that they are bad people, it's just that they're not for that season in your life, you know.
Speaker 2:And so when you set a boundary for people that are not in, you know, for that season of your life, like okay, because you know people come in your life, for they can come in for a reason or for a season, and so we have to know what season that they might be in.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we might be trying to put people in different places where they don't belong. They might belong across the street and you trying to bring them in one of your rooms in the house and that's not where they belong, and so you got to make sure that you are placing people in the right place, and that's what the setting boundaries are. And so one thing Pastor James always say is you create a fence and not a wall, because if you create a fence, you can open up the door whenever. If you got the wall built up up, you won't let nobody in. So you got to make sure that if you set in the boundary, the boundary is where you know who could come in your life at this time and who not, who is who belong and who don't. It's time for you to go. And so that's the.
Speaker 1:That's the and I really I really think that that's wisdom and that's something that I'm trying to teach my daughter is to be flexible, to not necessarily like cut people off, but to learn how to kind of be gracious in those moments, understand, be compassionate and don't have expectations on people that they can't fulfill, you know, and let people be where they are, you know.
Speaker 1:And so don't try and make it more than what it is and don't try and make it less than what it is. And if there has to be some separation or boundary place there to be, you know, um, be flexible and not so rigid, because you know, that's why you just gotta, like be good to people and treat people well, and it's a way to handle things. You know, what I'm saying Like depends on, of course, what the situation is. Like you said, let them, let me know who they are before they stab me in the back, I gotta to take the knife out. I'm saying, if it's a situation where it's still a preventative you know it's still beforehand then we can still be gracious, you know, in those times, because it's not always needed to build a wall, because we have to understand that walls end up hurting us too, it closes us right right that that's so good.
Speaker 2:That's so good. You know, like you said, we end up suffering because if you need them at that moment or in that next season, then now you can't go back and get them if you don't create it, that wall, you know. And so we have to have, like it says, have boundaries with others and in being that, you have to be able to know, like you said, don't build a wall and just you know, kind of have a fence where you know if it's time for them to come in, it's time for them not, and not to say that people can't do you the same way Because you might not be for those people in that season.
Speaker 1:So it goes both ways you know Right. You know, sometimes, yeah, and I think that we got to have a gracious mindset about that too, right, you know, we're not every tea in every season, and that's okay, we don't have to take it as rejection.
Speaker 1:we don't have to take it as you know, somebody don't like me no more, or you know, we, we. It's important to have things in proper perspective and not take things personally. And that's why it's good to have these kind of conversations, because people don't always recognize that they're triggering old wounds and so they may get touched in a certain place in their heart, not realizing that they frustrated from being rejected from their childhood. And it's not even like that, you know, it's just hey, we do what's best for us right now, in this time of season, because we're grown, we're grown-ups, we got to do what works, and talking and communicating about those things helps like it's necessary, like, yeah, that if we go back and get a person in the later season, that is a real thing. And it's like. It's not even like on us, it's on God, like if he allows that and he says it's necessary, then it will be. But what we don't want to do is mess up what he's trying to do, and that's why, if we knew the word, we'd be all right.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, it is, god is so. And I always say he's strategic. And so if he tell you it's not the season for them, that don't mean that they not gonna be in your life again. And you know, I got a whole story for that, where, you know, when I was going through certain things, I had to not talk to one of my friends, and when God moved me here to my next season, we met up. We both was going through the same thing at the same time.
Speaker 2:And now, you know, now God put us back together, where we are serving together, we at the church together, and and it's just incredible. And so you know, like we say, what we have to do is do what God say. When he say OK, it's not you, this is not right for this time, we said that and say, okay, god, what you I know, your thoughts is higher than mine, your ways is higher than mine. So I'm going to listen to you and I am going to follow what you say.
Speaker 1:so anyways, so far I'm telling you yes, man, I'm telling you so.
Speaker 2:Anyways, that's, that's pretty much what we we can talk about tonight. I mean, we can go on and on and on talking about some of these things, but this is something that was has been on my heart for a few weeks now, but since, you know, with Easter and everything, it just kind of got busy. But guess what? Somebody is wondering about how to create a healthy boundary without even, um, having to be real ugly, basically to people. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:They don't have to.
Speaker 2:you know they don't have to tell people off, so but anyways, if you have any more, anything else that you would like to leave, and if you could pray us out, that would be wonderful.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, being a godly woman, a godly parent, it can be. It can be. It's something you know, and sharing what we've learned and what we know with our families, with our children, is really invaluable. And we don't always get it right. We have a lot that we have learned. There's things that we are still learning, so know that in Christ there is grace to be able to move through these lessons, to be healed, to be made whole through the processes, and even for your children to be healed and to be whole from their own traumas, because a lot of times we don't even realize that we traumatize our children right we might have to do with that um.
Speaker 1:But yet, even as they grow and we still maintain those relationships, boundaries um can still be set in our, in their, in our, set in our maturing and continuing relationships. These things are possible. I just want to say that it is possible. In Christ, all things are possible. And with the word and bearing the fruit of the spirit, doing the word, loving you know, doing the word, loving you know, thanking, casting our cares on the lord where he cares for us, all of this stuff put together is, is important, and it's, it's, it's successful through christ.
Speaker 1:And I mean I'm, I'm, I'm here, I'm, I think therapy is wonderful, you know, and I think that if people are able to partake, partake, you know, yes, they're getting there and learn the skills, learn the um you know the strategy that that a professional may be able to offer, and couple those things with your word, with your scripture, and and just make it all come alive for you so you can live well, live a whole life, a life that is of peace and of joy and not suffering, because we don't want to be ran over and we don't want to run over people, but you don't know what you don't know. So something that I always like to share is to become educated and to find support in these matters.
Speaker 1:And that's why we do things like this. It's a form of support, it's a form of education and a continuing conversation about these things, and I always like to share, to share with somebody who you care about and trust, somebody that is, that is safe and can handle your emotions and and some of the the intimate things, even of your family. If that's possible, all right. If you can find a spiritual leader or anything like that, it would be well worth it to do so, because, um, you know, we don't want to continue to devalue ourselves. If that's the pattern that we have been doing for a long time. We can value ourselves by strengthening these relationships, by strengthening these boundaries. So I just want to thank everybody for coming on and listening. Tonight. I'm going to pray us out and let Ms Kiana close us out, all right.
Speaker 1:So thank you, father, for our listeners. Thank you, lord God, for our beautiful, lovely host, god, and the topic that you have put on our heart. Lord God, you know your people have been crying out and desiring Father, truth and knowledge. Father, truth, truth and knowledge. Lord, we thank you for the examples that you have all around.
Speaker 1:Lord, godly women, father, we pray that you even bring more tangible examples in the lives of your people to be able to glean from, lean from, to see how to move forward in a way that will aid them and give them encouragement, god, to be the best that they can be and not settling. Not settling for less, not living less than what you have called us to be. So I thank you for each and everyone listening, every supporter, father, and I pray that um do these meaningful conversations got them, that that um eyes are open and that it all is directed back to you. So, father, kept capture your people by the acts, that the connection is made, the problem do the solution, and we ask you to have your way in every heart, every household, every relationship, and we thank you for it in Jesus' name, amen, amen.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you. That is so good. God is so good and I know he's going to touch somebody on today, like she said. Thank you for tuning in. Make sure, if you need to get some help with this, find some help please. I want to, because you know we get on here and I can say we discussed this, but it's always good to get the help, get the education, talk to somebody, okay. So, anyways, we thank you again for tuning in. Make sure you are liking, you're sharing, you're commenting, share this with someone that you know so they can be just as blessed as you are. Okay, and just make sure that you are staying cute for Christ. All right, bye, y'all.
