Finding solace in solitude! Join Suzi as she shares her journey from the fear of being alone to the joy of embracing solitude. Encountering solitude is like playing a symphony on a lone piano; it's not about loneliness, but about harmonizing with our own rhythm, your thoughts, and your self-worth.
Explore the difference between being alone and feeling alone. Find joy in one's own company, and the peace that comes from validation within.
Let's redefine what it means to be alone. So, grab your cup of tea, sit back, and let's start this soulful conversation.
Music credit to Kalvin Love for the podcast’s theme song “Bee Your Best Self”
Tune into our CHW Streaming Radio and the full lineup at cominghomewell.com
Download on Apple Play and Google Play
Online-Therapy.com ~ Life Changing Therapy Click here for a 20% discount on your first month.
Contact Suzi at suzigma@gmail.com or (818) 470-2013 and share your story.
suzilandolphi.com
vetsandplayers.org
wildhorserescue.org
Thank you for listening! Be sure to SHARE, LIKE and leave us a REVIEW!
Finding solace in solitude! Join Suzi as she shares her journey from the fear of being alone to the joy of embracing solitude. Encountering solitude is like playing a symphony on a lone piano; it's not about loneliness, but about harmonizing with our own rhythm, your thoughts, and your self-worth.
Explore the difference between being alone and feeling alone. Find joy in one's own company, and the peace that comes from validation within.
Let's redefine what it means to be alone. So, grab your cup of tea, sit back, and let's start this soulful conversation.
Music credit to Kalvin Love for the podcast’s theme song “Bee Your Best Self”
Tune into our CHW Streaming Radio and the full lineup at cominghomewell.com
Download on Apple Play and Google Play
Online-Therapy.com ~ Life Changing Therapy Click here for a 20% discount on your first month.
Contact Suzi at suzigma@gmail.com or (818) 470-2013 and share your story.
suzilandolphi.com
vetsandplayers.org
wildhorserescue.org
Thank you for listening! Be sure to SHARE, LIKE and leave us a REVIEW!
I'm Susie Landolfi and welcome to be crazy. Well, yep, when I'm alone, I slurp. Do you hear that? Some of you can see it. You can see that I have my glasses on because I'm alone. Well, my dog's on the bed, everybody's sleeping in my family and I'm alone. And I suppose I could say I'm not really alone because at any time I could go upstairs, wake up my grandson, wake up my daughter, wake up her fiance, and then I wouldn't be alone. But actually I like being alone. Now, it is so far from the truth.
Speaker 1:Years ago, and I was thinking about being alone because we talk a lot about don't be alone for the holidays. Do you always hear that? In fact, in the nonprofit MVP that I work with, let's make sure everybody's got a place to go on the holidays, and that's an unbelievably wonderful mission, a principal goal. So I decided that this Thanksgiving I was going to be alone. That's right. I wanted to be alone. My daughter and her fiance went to Las Vegas to be with his family and my grandson went to his dad's house with their family and with all the people I know. I didn't call anybody to come over. I didn't go to anybody's house. I didn't take any of those things. I stayed home alone. Well, with the dogs. I remember it's always with the dogs.
Speaker 1:Not only did I stay alone, I cooked an entire Thanksgiving meal for me. That's right. They weren't coming back till Sunday. This is Thursday and I wanted that meal. I cooked two little turkeys, the stuffing, mashed potatoes, everything from scratch. An apple pie from scratch, including the crust People always ask me, and a pumpkin pie from scratch and the crust, and some butternut squash and stuffing. Now I did this so I'm 73. So 60 years I've been cooking this. 60 years, because I learned to cook the Thanksgiving dinner when I was 13. And I've been cooking it for 60 years.
Speaker 1:And I want to go back and share with you why I chose to be alone. Maybe some people would say, well, you work with people, so you just need to break from people. That could be true. That could be that point where you go okay, I've had enough of people, now I need to be just with me. And yet I have to tell you I don't really feel that way about people. I like people, I like being around people, and what really it's all about is it was conquering, if we will, moving through, breaking through the fear of being alone. What's interesting about being alone is that it's got some great opportunities and it has, and it can come from and has some really hurtful.
Speaker 1:Most of the time, when I was a child, being alone meant that a perpetrator could get to me. Sometimes being alone meant that everybody was drunk or they were distracted and I was left alone at a time that I really needed somebody. So I think for me it was being alone was two things being neglected, not being seen, not being heard, not being cared for. So I was afraid of that. And being alone meant I wasn't wanted, and if I was wanted when I was alone, it was for sexual assault and molestation. I think again for me and I'm only going to always speak to you for me, being able to move through that fear of being alone was probably one of my greatest accomplishments To be able to know that I'm valuable even when no one is around, even when no one sees me, even when no one wants anything from me. I became an overachiever because I learned very quickly that if I did something for someone else or I did something well for somebody else, they wanted me. It wasn't actually the internal validation that I got, or accomplishment or a sense of self-worth. It was really to make sure that someone else needed me, wanted me and wouldn't leave me.
Speaker 1:So the other problem in Biggisphere about being alone is being left. If you're afraid of being alone, you're going to be terrified of being left and you'll do just about anything to make sure that you're not left. That means even staying with someone who's dangerous, even doing things with that person for that person. That's against everything you believe, everything, all your principles, giving up all your joy, putting aside your dreams, because being left was like dying. Being alone was like dying. So for me, I'm really grateful that I can choose to be alone and not be lonely. I can choose to be alone and actually enjoy my company. I can choose to be alone and take a deep breath and go. I'm valuable just because I breathe. I don't have to keep proving I'm valuable through someone else's eyes, someone else's needs. I can still be funny, sexy, smart, caring, competent, even when someone's not there. That doesn't go away just because I'm not presenting it to someone or I don't have an audience.
Speaker 1:I always wonder sort of what happened when I found dancing and it wasn't just dancing. Dancing was great and we're in the studio dancing, and then, the first time I danced on stage, and you're up there on the stage and if you do a private, if you do a solo dance, you're doing that dance alone. And you have an orchestra, you have lots of people on the stage watching or behind the scenes, you have tons of people in the audience. Ultimately, though, you're doing that dance alone, and I was thinking the other day about how much I felt safer on stage than I did in real life, in my daily life. On stage, I was alone, with my joy, and, yes, I was going to get validation for sure. It was very risky though, because, remember, if they didn't like what you were doing, they wouldn't applaud. So my thoughts have been that being on stage meant that no one could get to me that could hurt me. Isn't that interesting? I thought that's so interesting. Maybe some of our greatest theater performers realized that being on stage was safer than being in their own home, being on the streets, being with friends, being somewhere that, ultimately, it may be the only place they have real control. So, when I'm on that stage and I'm dancing by myself and I'm in control of my body and what I do with me for me that was probably the first moment that I realized while being alone wasn't always that bad.
Speaker 1:Now it took years later for me to actually go through, have a breakthrough I never say breakdown, breakthrough to my fear of being alone. I don't even know how long it took maybe a year, maybe a couple and I think it was gradual. I think my ability to tolerate and then want to be alone came through time. It came through experience. It came through principles of wanting to make sure that I could handle myself physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and financially, that I had that capacity to do my life and go through my life and use up all this time on my terms. And I know that I didn't do it by myself. I know that people helped me. I know that there was many things that I've accomplished because of team and I can be alone. It's a huge, like I said, it's a huge, big win for me, a huge understanding. I also realized that when you can be alone much like I was on Thanksgiving, for the entire day, I enjoyed a way of being that was calmer, less pressured, my time, my terms.
Speaker 1:When you really think about being alone, there are so many things you know you only want to do when you're alone Picking your nose, being in the bathroom, all kinds of things that you want to do that you don't want someone else there. So it's not really like we don't know how to be alone. We just don't acknowledge it. We just can't do it outside of something that's embarrassing or something we don't want to show or share with someone. Being alone oftentimes means I get to wear what I want and act the way I want. I can dance in the kitchen if I want, to a song and don't worry about someone laughing Not that I worry too much about that. Obviously I like when people laugh, even at me. I like laughing at me and so I think we really have to consider this idea that we deserve to learn and practice being alone without being lonely, enjoying and you know how I spell that, I've said that before I-N-J-O-Y. I don't know who decided that it was supposed to be E-N-J-O-Y. That's passive to me. I'm watching someone do something. Oh, that I enjoyed watching you dance. No, enjoy, get in the dance. So to enjoy yourself is to be with yourself.
Speaker 1:I often wonder how my life would have been so different if I had that ability to enjoy being by myself. I would definitely not have picked some of the relationships I was in. That was clearly from my trauma, that was clearly from desperation, that was clearly from a fear of being alone, that was clearly because I wanted to be validated. And the trouble with that is that beginning validation when you get in a relationship where you don't eat and you just want to spend all the time together and you see their name come up on the phone or do you see them and you know you're going to see them, you can't wait to see them. All of that adrenaline and all of that energy that doesn't last for a long time, not a relationship to a whole life. Somewhere around six months, I bet about six months starts to fade About a year. You're like, really, and if you need that adrenaline, that validation, that high from having someone validate you and you have to be with them through desperation, that's going to not work. It's just not going to work. You can make it work later. You can do that.
Speaker 1:There's things we now know that once that whole high changes and everybody's starting to really show the two people in the relationship start to show who they truly want to be, like the people that or the people they are not even want to be the people they are. All of a sudden, there's an awakening of wait a minute, do I really want to be with this person? And I was thinking so. If I went from high to high to high, then it was really about me. It was really about me not being able to be with me. I couldn't wait that six months. I couldn't take it slowly. I couldn't tolerate being by myself, being alone, not having someone want me. Talk about danger, never mind the fact considering many of the people that I grew up with and went through my childhood with would not save people. So how would I even know how to pick a safe person? I wasn't safe because I wasn't able to be with me.
Speaker 1:Oftentimes, tell people that I'm so okay with smelling perspiration. I'm not okay with smelling desperation. Desperation smells so much worse and it's so dangerous. I know because I've had it. I know that some people would say, well, don't you miss being with someone sometimes. Don't you miss that high sometimes, don't you want to be wanted? Sometimes the trouble is it was all the time.
Speaker 1:I can honestly tell you all the places I love being alone. One is driving, another one is running. I can even dance alone and enjoy that, although I do like to dance with a partner as well. Definitely in nature, definitely with horses. All of those things I enjoy in my room with my tea, knitting, just being able to read on my own at the time that I want, when I want, even binge watching something.
Speaker 1:How is that not okay? And what about the time to be alone to gain perspective, to do self-reflection, to fulfill your strength, to rest. Those are all the reasons why we deserve to be able to be alone and not be lonely. And also, be alone and be lonely, that's okay too, as long as it's not all the time. It's also a wonderful ability to be alone and then call somebody, use to invite somebody after you've had the time alone, to want to step out, to want to be. These are practices People have told me all the time.
Speaker 1:I was just watching on TikTok and Instagram this morning and I'm thinking, oh, look at all this wonderful advice. I don't know if you've noticed. There are amazing people on social media giving amazing advice, inspiration, motivation, wisdom, true wisdom. It's just that if I read it, I'm not necessarily absorbing it because I'm not necessarily practicing it. So you know, I'm a big believer about practice. It's how we change, it's how we make a difference in our lives is we practice, and it's difficult and it's not fun sometimes.
Speaker 1:So I invite you this holiday season, as we go into the holiday season, could you give yourself a little bit of practice of being alone? Start small, start with a minute, start with three minutes, start with five minutes and really plan it, practice it, go through it, be with you, be with you, enjoy you. This is not a practice of being with you and beating yourself up. That doesn't count. You can certainly reflect. You can think about what you want to do better. If you're going to think about what you're going to do better, also think about what you're already doing. Well, give yourself that pat on the back, give yourself that gratitude, that grace, deep breathe and know that you can be alone, you are okay, you are enough and that you are valuable because you breathe. That's it. Enjoy being you and being alone. So here I am alone, wearing my pajamas didn't put in my contacts getting ready to go take a shower, drinking my tea, doing it on my terms, on my time, and enjoy. Remember, be crazy well After that is being able to be crazy well, alone.