Cupids Arrow with Rhi Rhi Oloughlin

In today's episode, I'm excited to welcome Rhi Rhi Oloughlin, the love guru and relationship expert, to the show. 

Rhi will be sharing her journey as a Relationship Coach and her expertise on the beautiful dance that couples have together. 

I can't wait to learn more about her insights and wisdom on relationships and what it takes to create a strong and loving connection. 

So, join me as I chat with Rhi and dive deep into the world of love and relationships.

Hope you enjoy!

Transcript

Hello beautiful soul. I'm Sarah Michaels and welcome to the Elated You podcast where we dive deep into the world of self discovery, growth and healing to find out who you truly are
 
 so, today's episode I am interviewing Rhiannon Oloughlin from the Gold Coast, Rhiannon is a relationship coach. Also known as the modern day Cupid. She's a little pocket rocket. I just love her. You're gonna love her energy. I keep telling you there's no emoji that can explain you but like she's just a fool. That's just a fire. Just she just fire to me. So welcome, honey. Hi, good morning. actually funny when you were talking about emojis now I got the unicorn on my wrist and I was gonna get the unicorn emoji but I preferred this one better so we can go with you to constantly be like, I'm loving it. Yeah, that's exactly what you are.
 
 How you feeling? I'm good. How are you? Honey? I'm really good. It's the first day of spring. So I'm super excited. Yeah, I know. I just said Not that it matters to you guys. The weather's always so beautiful up there. Hey, I know it's really funny because yesterday I was wearing a jumper today knowing that it was the first of September. I was like I don't need a jumper today. I'm good.
 
 I never see you in a jump or reality is always half naked. I love it.
 
 I think flows overrated.
 
 100% Yeah. Let's all shall we get naked now. I actually thought you were going to be more naked than that. But that's all good.
 
 We will be modest today. However, we've got a few you know about 30 minutes. So means might come up might start to get a little bit hot. So actually, let's start with that. So tell me like, how did you even get into this? Like how what made you want to be a relationship coach? Cool. All right. So I was a former PT and he's to coach clients and there was just this thing you know, I mean, any any PTS out there. Notice when you're a PT you're literally like your psychologist, your therapist, you do it all right. So then I was finding that most of my sessions were based on conversation and then some lifting and I was like, and then I really got bored with it. I love exercise and obviously do it every day. But um, I was like I need to do something more into this right and I actually didn't think it was relationships at the time but I was like I need something more about wine so I did further studies NLP hypnotherapy and it was literally like the penny drop moment right? I was like, Whoa, I love this and the hypnotherapy side is really beautiful, kind of like they both worked so synergistically together. To then when I completed all of that, I just went straight into it and I was coaching clients. And then there was this massive congruency of clients. Seeking love, whether that was internal or external. It was always about love. And I was like, what's going on in society at the moment that people are having such issues in their relationships, whether in the relationship with themselves or trying to find so I was like something needs to change. I'm going to do something about it. And then that's where I was like, Cool. Let's let's focus on love. And that's kind of how it all began. No, I love that because you're right, the two. The two things that people are seeking is happiness and love really, literally, I mean and good health, but most people are just striving for love and that's just that's great. So do you help people so you don't just do relationships you also do like relationships with themselves so your life coach really as well? Yeah, I don't I don't like the term life coach. I feel like it's so bad that one facilitator let's use that one but you know, it's always starts with the self in fact, when I'm even doing their relationship coaching side it's always about them.
 
 Unless you your hole in yourself and your holes always going to change but as long as you know only when you're comfortable with yourself, can you allow space for someone else? So that's the angle that I go down but you know, it's like anything you know, when we talk about love and like a lot love and I think it's it they think it's external? No, yeah.
 
 I'm not gonna lie. I'm sure you did. Once upon a time. I definitely did. You know, I was always, you know, even if I dated men, it was like if I wanted the love and then it was like they didn't love me enough and I was like you don't love me? Enough. You don't make me happy enough. And I was always putting it back on them. And it's like, fucking I'm not giving my power away. Like if I want validation and love and all the shit like, I can just give it to myself. And whatever else is just extra. Yeah, yeah. 100% And you know what I found? I find and it's so many people are seeking the void filler, right? And I was gonna talk about this the other day, but have you heard the term all girls single looks so good on you. I hear that all the time. Right. And you you may have been that person. Me too. You've come out of a relationship and you've just got the best body you've ever gotten. Right?
 
 So why don't people get their best bodies in the relationships? This is the thing right? So it's kind of skew it for I think, okay, when they leave the relationship, they focus on them, but they think that focusing on them, but in fact they're focusing on them to be better for them. Yeah, revenge body. I was definitely guilty of that, you know, I start training more, I'd start eating better as soon as I left my partners as in like, so I can get ready for the next one.
 
 Exactly right. And then you'll find that you're you haven't actually it's just a band aid, right. And then you went into that your relationship that's all you do is call as Ethan says glasses. Sure. And everyone. I mean, most people not everyone most people put on when it comes to licensing and Hunter have said that I'm one of them. So yeah, totally.
 
 Totally. And so when you see couples you see them together, or do like like so how does it How does it work? Like what do you use hypnotherapy in in those sessions? Because I know that you spoke a little bit into what you you know, like your knowledge in terms of like couples and stuff sort of blew me away at lunch, you know, when you came to Melbourne. Thank you. I actually always start with them separately.
 
 Yet because it's they unless they were already clients of mine. So I have had some clients who were just, you know, mindset, I'm coaching and then they're like, Hey, would you mind can we move into this more as a couple space? And I was like, Yeah, cool. So we moved into that where we're working with both of them but I actually generally like to do a single session with the partner first. So the other partner before I bring them together. Yeah. So always with them because again, it's like you need to understand why where your pattern start, and then we can create this space of you both go and call I know who I am. Now let's dance together. Right? And I found for me, that works really well because then we go hey, this is what I found out about me that I haven't addressed to you yet. I'm kind of the mediator same with them and then let's passion and bring it together. That makes so much sense because you know in the past my husband I saw marriage counselors, you know, in couples counseling, and they always borrow us in together and then you're never really honest. Because there's stuff that you don't want your partner to know. You know, that triggers you and so yeah, so like that makes total sense. Yeah. And it's also like you, you think you you think the things you're worrying about are really bad. I can't say that they're gonna they're gonna judge me right and that's it again, there's there's all therapies good or bad, there's no wrong therapy, but it's like how can we do something different because I think therapy like that's been around for so long and not working babe. It's not working. I'll be honest, it's not and I know that because from personal experience, and I know that from, you know, just lots of clients that have told me we've gone to the psychologist, we've gone to marriage counseling, and we've done all that and in fact, they just they label them like narcissistic you she's that and here's that and they just put labels on them. You know, I had even my last marriage, I had a psychiatrists tell us, your relationship is doomed. I mean, what the fuck, like who says that? Like he actually told us that and from that day, I was just like, Well, I'm not going to ask because because the psychiatrist said so. So then I didn't want to work on it, you know?
 
 Yeah. Oh my god. It's like it's kind of like a thorn in the foot for that one for me, too. And I always relate that back to let's even talk about doctors, right? So you go to the doctor and they just basically say you got the flu, then or nothing about diet or nothing about all these things that can help you go get some sunshine do this go exercise. They teach them this very intelligent, again, not taking anything away from doctors, very smart, but the basic principles of health and well being, they're lacking. So that's what I do with relationships. The basic principles of a relationship is understanding you so enterprises even come together and mold. Yeah, yeah. 100% eautiful. Can you talk into that part where you told me about how couples everyone can relate to these how couples you know, after dating after a while, they start to look like each other. Right? I found this one oh, my God. So interesting. Right. So I was talking having this conversation. I mean, I mean, this is something that I've been talking about for a long time, but I didn't know the science behind it also, was I even used to look at my exploits together for seven years and I even posted a photo the other day and I was like, Whoa, we kind of look like brother and sister.
 
 There's kind of two parts and two that we often attract ourselves to people that are like us. 100% Yeah, I was gonna say that. Yep. So our mirrors like Yeah, I like I like this to me. So let's get that. But the science behind it is so well in the in the early stages of getting to know someone and I've spoken about this before, but pheromones, right, so back in the primal days, we would like a woman would smell out. I mean, like, Is he good for me? And same with a man for a woman, right? Is she going to be able to bear my child she was she'd be that caretaker that I provided for a woman? Is he going to look after me? Is he safe? Right and that's how we smell them. But in this day and age with all the things the pills, etc, like that we we aren't really basing way on finding matches based off primal instincts. So pheromones and also the bacteria in our mouth when we kissed someone. You go oh, so to explain it in a really kind of you No? easy to understand way. Have you ever kissed someone and be like, yeah, whether the breath was bad you know, they just you just like that was shit for Tom wasn't made any other or it was just really good. Yeah, yeah. 100% Yeah, yeah. So there's there's even in the we think oh my god, like that's a phone we can describe the phone and you I would say hey, what's his look like? He the tummy. Right? Same with a kiss on his, his tongue was shit. His teeth were too big. But in fact, it's scientifically. Bacteria trying to match each other. But we're trying to constantly the concept for us is something more visual, or that we can explain. But what's really going on is how bacteria is trying to match. So when you find a really good kiss is generally what is going on with bacteria and we find our match. Let's just say we find a match and we date and over time, our immune system starts to match the bacterial one another which then change their immune system which formula makes us form kind of into one another in a weird way? Like when I read that a little while ago, it was like, What the fuck? Like how crazy is that? So not only are we basing ourselves off Oh, yeah, either kind of you look kind of like me. I like you. But our system starts match one another. But it makes sense. And it makes sense because our bodies are so clever. And you think about women when they get their period and you start hanging around with you will move on your sister alone your mom and you all of a sudden even the girls in my challenge in my program, we all get a period the same time like I always ask the question you know, after like four weeks in we've got a better relationship and Mike who's got the period today?
 
 God bless you asking him and then I explain it and like some of them know and some of them don't be like that's just a prime example right? Of how that happens. Human body is really wonderful and you know, we can get where we can sit in this tiny space of obviously relationships, but we are all connected. Every single human being is connected, right? The reason why we disconnect is the lack of connection to ourselves. So when we are especially if you were if we were to hang out, we're very connected with ourselves, we would probably go straight up I would match because our bodies are in alignment. And so you find that's why when you generally have a housemate that you live with it's a female you match up quickly. Well, we all have that ability. If we are you know what?
 
 I was just about to say it's interesting that you say that because I just lost my train of thought. And sorry, I don't know why my phone still got I haven't on silent mode when it connects to my laptop and it's really annoying. What does it that's Okay, last guy had. He's he was talking. And he's like, Sorry, that was Alexa. He's in America and Alexa started talking and you know, I wanted to say when you just said oh, like, I don't want to be like that's maybe it's a bit woowoo but that's not even we were any more like if I think that's true that we're all connected, because I'm studying with Dr. Gabor Moto, who's a psychologist. However, he's more into this space. And he talks about how the brains are connected. Like literally when you're in the same room, you can actually start to feed off each other and it's like, that's now scientists starting to prove that we can't deny that you know, and I always explain that it's like, the ocean is like on its own right like you we call it the ocean is singular, not plural. However, it takes all of the droplets of water to come to be a to make it and it's the same with us. Yeah, and it's like when we can really believe and understand that we are all connected. I can't hate on other people anymore. I can only have compassion, and I generally and I honestly honestly genuinely mean that. That I don't, I can't I can only see people with wounds. I can't dislike them. I can only be triggered by them, because I know that we're actually all wanting the same wall right and so that's that's exactly why I based my relationship coaching around that concept. Exactly. Because we were all budget we're so programmed to think we're going to be this way but to do that, oh my god, I watched the notebook. My pants will be a house. He must love me. It's also my end You know, so I do the love languages, the attachment styles, Human Design profiling as well because it's like anything. We don't look at astrology is the Bible, right if we design I am a projector to four. Okay, I'm a manifesting generator. Oh, yeah, you got energy. You're like you can multi like multifaceted energy for everything. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like I think there's no light. I shouldn't say this about myself. But I'm here now. I'm calling the projectors like the little pitch one because
 
 I was.
 
 I was talking to another projector to four. And she's like you are you are projected to fly and I was like, if you look, you see nothing like fine. I'm like, I know I shouldn't be something else. But I am. But trust me. When I'm in this space. I'm like, What do I hide in my room? close my door. I'm like, Get away from me well, so no one really sees that side. Of me. You see the first thing is yeah, we see the little pocket rocket. Yeah, the gym doing the exorcism moves.
 
 up was that it was actually trying to work out what that was. Where was your head? That was like incredible. What was that? Is that like a pipe or a position?
 
 I travel I I used to joke and say I training cases every zombie apocalypse right? So if there's zombies just, you know happen one day I can move I can jump I'm strong.
 
 And yesterday I went back to deadlifting and I was lifting pretty strong yesterday. And my by posterior chain My back's cooked. So I was like I need to do some mobility this morning. So I just made that one look fancy honestly, this was it was incredible. It was anyway I interjected because I've got ADHD so I'll do so go. Oh, that's great. The two of us together.
 
 You as I interrupted you and I was saying because you were talking about you you put in body you put in love language and human design and that's very important because I've done a lot of language test. Yeah, right and so changes right you change because if the more I started working on myself words of affirmation was not my number one anymore because you gave it to myself. Interesting, right? Because I even with my past relationship might have changed since then. Although mine still has always been words of affirmation. However quality time is now really tied in with that whereas before that's words of affirmation. The others look down here.
 
 Like anything, it's understanding oneself to go cool. All right. How do I how do I have this conversation? What are my triggers right now and also understanding what your partner's is because, yeah, it's been how they're receiving, give and receive, right? So yeah, I'm always bringing it back to the US the whole so I give them all that information again, like I said, it's not like the Bible. This is how you got to lead. You got to do it like this, but it's okay. I understand that. That's how you, you verbalize that's also how you receive that's what your partner verbalizes and that's how you're going to receive they need to know what you'd like, because like anything if they're if your partner is gifts, and your words of affirmation every time they give you a gift you're like, You're kidding yourself, right? Just tell me you love me or tell me you appreciate me. So there's one it's just communication. Oh, it's it's a game changer. I mean, I've got that book. It's up here behind me about toe know when my last marriage so about 20 years ago.
 
 I did it with him. And it changed because he was giving me gifts because he was a doctor and had money and that's what he loved. And he was always giving me gifts. And I was like, I don't need stop trying to bind me, you know?
 
 To me is like I just want yeah, anyway, I don't wanna get into that but rabbit hole I could I just because I know we had this conversation briefly to over lunch. And this is something a lot of my clients worrying about, like they start to, you know, wake up, they start to do this work and they've become more conscious and aware. And now they're like now there's no conscious men out there.
 
 Which isn't true. Right? You know? It's not true at all. In fact, who yes, yeah. But you you said you were creating something. Yeah. So there was, let's address this first, the more of yourself, the less you're gonna feel a sheet you're gonna put up with so isn't that quite a cool thing that you hear? Oh, yeah. Cool. I don't like you know, boom, boom, boom, straight up down the line, right. In fact, that's how I even I'm dating a lot. You know, when I broke up with my ex, I didn't take ages because I was like, I thought I still think he's a beautiful man, externally, and he's hard, but we just didn't align. So for so long. I was like, You're not good enough. You're not good enough. You're not good enough. But then I wasn't actually giving anyone a chance. So this time, I've just completely changed and I was like, No, I'm going to allow space to compensate with men again, because I don't know what I'm really wanting in another person. But who I am right now. Trust me. If something's like all nodding, I told him straight up communicate. Hey, I think you're a great person. However, you and I aren't aligned. So yeah, I wish you all the best and you just say that right up? Yeah. Beautiful. And I see when I see people, women that are single I don't think Oh, poor thing. She's single. I don't there's no way like I don't have any, you know, like for me, it's like, well, she knows what she wants. And she hasn't found it yet. And it's as simple as that because I'd rather be single today then you know, be dating and just settle like I used to settle you know, in service to talk into that because that could obviously come across as well reasoning really hard. But at the end of the day, this is a commitment to myself to find the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, right and I don't want that to feel amazing. It's called I call it the faqeer love right? When you meet someone you go fuck yeah. But then there's more learnings right? So I haven't in these interactions. None of them have been fuck yet, but I've given them my time to see okay, I'm gonna allow space and then there's obviously misalignment that we tried restaurant straight away and be like boom, if they were on the other spectrum. Of bucket straightaway which, which is like values non negotiables, you know, externally, you know, there's passion there but it's neutral and then something come up. I probably would give it a little bit more time to go into that. So there's two spaces there. But what it started to why I started that conversation is women when they go there's no conscious men out there. There in fact, is you're just so aware that you're not dealing with the shopkeepers anymore. You're just like yeah, yeah, this is gonna get you closer to what you actually want in speaking about the fuck yeah, but like, you know, when I met my husband now, who I obviously love and we have a beautiful relationship now, but when I met him, he definitely was not a fuck you.
 
 Yeah, he was like, fuck off. You're too funny. I know. But he was like, I was like a definite fuck it to the point where he said, as the minute I saw you and you opened your mouth and we spoke. I was like, I gotta, I gotta get a number and I'm gonna marry her. Like that was his mind where I was like, No, fuck no. But then you know, I gave him a chance like you know, I gave him a and then I did love his soul because I'm not about the external would you say as well I think you back but the Sarah back then when you met him you're obviously much younger. So the Sara then really didn't know herself like you do now. So you're you might have been past patterns, right? Because I always went for older men. So my ex. My ex is quite was like 14 years older than me and I'm 4050s I always went out with older men and never looked at younger men to the point where my family was shocked because my husband's younger than my younger brother, but I never even looked at his friends. Right. But the reason why I did and now I know and I'm aware of that is because I was always looking for the daddy figure protection to make me feel safe.
 
 And so even in the end, we had a lot of problems when we first got married because he wasn't able to give me that safety that I thought I needed from a man self right. I'm used to be the same as well. So you know for you on the other end of the spectrum for that one is you then met a man who just was like, I don't care about seeming feminine or chasing whatever I'm showing up to this woman vulnerable to this woman and I'm going to love hold space for this woman to meet me and he did and now it was his vulnerability that actually got me. Yeah, man, when I saw how open and vulnerable and how you know, at the time, it looked very desperate to my friend to like he's very desperate. I'm like, Why? Because he's showing me how much he wants me and he wants to see me like he'd be calling you in from Sydney when he went to Sydney with his mates. And he's multiple I'd get off the phone. You're fucking pussy man. We're gonna strippers. He's like, No, I wasn't calling him he just wanted to talk to me and I just thought, This guy is actually a fucking king because he doesn't give a fuck about what his friends are doing. He's showing up calling me while they like pouncing on him and giving him kicks and punches and he's like, fuck off. Because he knew what he wanted.
 
 Yeah, right. gone for patch you're not fully patched to see this is that's where that goes wrong. Sorry. Oh my god. Someone's blowing leaves out there. I'm gonna close that door can hear by but yeah, go Don't be blowing on us now.
 
 Don't be booking no blows yet. Yeah, so this is the space right is that people are all for the women that said there's no conscious men out there because they're very aware but they're needing a man exactly like him. Even though at the time we've probably had a lot of learnings to do which we know this now. He did. But he still was like, I don't care. I'm going to show up and not enough men do that and or women, right? Yeah, that's a conversation. We need. That's why it's not it's not a weed. I hate when people say gender. It's like yeah, 100% Some women do it. Some women aren't open. And then I'm a very open person. And so we took our relationship from six months he proposed and imagine so because he's not a conservative guy. And either and why was so open telling all our stories just all on the table and just being really open and vulnerable. And so that six months felt Like five years.
 
 And that is a big thing. vulnerability, isn't it in relationships. It's so important. Sorry, I need to learn to not talk. People get so excited.
 
 Yeah, I know many people that literally probably see each other for six months and haven't even addressed something that you know that's deeper than Yeah. And I'm like, You're kidding me. Trust me. For me. Tell me everything. People for years. I know people that have been in relationship for years. It's still have those things. I mean, it's really sad. And so I've got this wall and it's like, I could talk about it. I bet yeah. Right. And we look at different relationships, right? That and then, you know, happy wife happy life, that term that really annoys me. Yes, of course. You want your wife to be happy, but that is them going out of their way to go to devalue themselves to make someone else happy because they're not happy right Princess syndrome see it all the time. All these they're they're so used to being given things that they expected all the time, right?
 
 Yeah. Oh my god. Again, I can go on tangents for so long, buddy. We could this could be for five hours. I know. Right? Okay. So to bring it I'm sure everyone's getting a really good concept of, of, you know, this conversation environment. So always addressing back to us, ourselves to go cool. All right. Now let's move into a space to be comfortable. With someone else. Instead of all let's go for external books that yeah, why do we work on us? So you did ask me this question before and I know we digressing. We ended up here, but you started speaking into, you know, doing things in groups, right. So yeah, the reason the reason I've now as of 2023 I'm going to be embarking on this group setting workshops because one on ones are fantastic and I love it, but it's it's just like I want to be able to hit people in a multitude versus going on at once. So, and I know the through conversation like minded people in a group, they'll go, oh my god, I'm not the only one out there that feels that way.
 
 So much into that, you know, even and people can meet each other. Like, what a perfect opportunity. I mean, I heard that and I just started telling all my single friends because I'm just like this is what they're asking for Communion but women and men together 100 Sorry, I do already do dating events. So I want you to that as well because it's great events here and will fun, right? So why not? It's like, you know, most single people out there I myself are on one form of dating website, right? And again, it's just like, swipe left, swipe right. Oh, cool. Now you match. Now what do I do right? And then maybe they take really good photos, either male or female. You meet up with him. You're like, Oh, you do not seem like anything like the person I was talking to. Needs to be an event right? There needs to be a place where people can just meet have a couple of drinks, play some games, and then it's up to you to go cool. All right, let's have some fun. So that one for me is more fun as giving them an opportunity to meet someone and then you know, after that you do your jam. So there's that. And then there's this thing that I'm moving into is the more of the group setting workshops. In fact, I've actually I'm looking at working with another male as well. So we're going to have two perspectives on the spectrum. So there's going to be a female and a male perspective to show people to teach about Yeah, how male and female that's awesome. So these events are at henchmen at the moment, aren't they? No, I'm not.
 
 They used to be they used sorry, I know.
 
 Legions right now so tend to want to be TVC for these new Okay, and people can just, you know, direct message you and you know, you're always open to messages, so, okay, so there's a couple other things I wanted to talk about. I want to just to get into what's your view on poly relationships and what do you do when people come to you because that is one of the things that I struggle with. When I have clients. I've had two clients come to me and one of the partners wants a poly relationship, but they don't. Oh, yeah. Like I actually don't know what to say. And I'm like, am I getting triggered because I couldn't do a poly relationship. And so I'm just I feel like saying just walk away, but obviously I've got to stay neutral. So yeah, can you talk into that because it's a real obviously, it's not a new thing, but it's coming people are just very much more open about it right now. Yeah. 100% you know, there's, there's no right or wrong. The only way or gross is a little bit skew with and miscommunication happens is when someone thinks, Okay, I'm in a relationship, right? And this is generally what happens. I'm in a relationship. And intimacy is pretty boring, but I'm safe with you. We've got a house, we've got kids, we've got dogs. I'm comfortable. Like I'm happy. I'm happy, but my needs aren't being met. So then I think Oh, cool. Let's get they see these poly relationships. And it's so prevalent these days. But you know, it's more prevalent because it's more out there versus Yeah, yeah, but it's been around for fucking That's right. Yeah. Right. So there's a lot cool, let's bring in another person. But in fact, you're not addressing what's really going on because the fuck yeah, memes always be between them, right? But then there's kinks. There's all of this. It's it. It can work. But it's like if you aren't already communicating with your partner beautifully. organically. If your foundation isn't solid and strong. There is no way bringing the third person into your party is going to make it better. Because it's just like adding kids it's like people go we'll have kids will make the marriage better. No, it doesn't. God, but yeah, they're gonna bring us together get Wolfer technically speaking, you want to be connected for the rest of your life doesn't mean you're going to be connected in the way that you want. it to be. Exactly. Yeah, it's so yeah, Polly look if I know a lot of poly relationships and ones that are successful, okay, maybe two that are successful.
 
 Look, I don't even with them. I don't do they don't feel there's going to be something forever. It's something fun at the moment. And we'll talk into this too. There's only a pitch so many people aren't only fans, right? So what we're finding what I'm finding as well is that the pulley people are only fans to make money. And of course if we're making money so when we did have this is a whole nother realm speak into but the money exchange for people is like dopamine at its highest big line of cocaine has been ripped up is the same feeling of money exchange, right? Oh, we're just got money for that. And we're in a safe space together. So then that's a whole nother tangent on their own right. So a lot of these people are going cool. Yeah, let's let's do that for fun. So you just sort of have to tie it up in a little package to move out of this space, Holly. To have that be successful. You need you need solid foundation and communication that ask yourself why you're wanting to bring a third person in because it can and it can work all these relationships can work by the way. Yeah, you've got to be obviously you have to have a pretty incredible relationship with yourself. And pretty secure with yourself. I mean, imagine my husband brought someone in with this fucking rocking body. And my insecurity is my body. And you know, or you know, they've got really big breasts and I don't have big breasts, and then I see him all over her and then I'm just like, wait a second, and I'm insecure. Like that just wouldn't fucking work. Yeah, I mean, it's, that's what I'm seeing. It's like, it's like as well. Let's not get confused with having fun. So the example of that would be where, you know, I'm in a relationship. My partner and I go out, we're out on a night out and we see someone who really tracks you perhaps in another couple and when I came, let's have some fun tonight. We go have fun and then that's it. We go yes as you know, the actual obligation ship some of them are on sale yes, some of the runs hinder and then I making matchups, right. So that's that's the full on Poly versus just the experimental. Let's have fun, right? And for me, that pot is actually very fun. And it's exciting. Because you're you've both gone out an agreement about one stage to go Yep. Cool. Let's have fun. And then you come back to these where's the poly pot? That's where there's so many moving parts. The dress needs to be addressed. Yeah, I agree. And what's interesting is that the poly that's very accepted the moment relationship to me is very much like in Islam when the man can marry four wives that we all begged him for, because we're all like, you can't be giving someone the same love. You know what?
 
 So it's like, I know that's only one it's one sided, but still, it's the same bloody thing. But anyway, can I address can I dress the pink elephant in the room? Of course, okay. It's not me.
 
 I'm wearing pink and wearing pink for those accounts. Okay, so, you know, I know that you've got this question on your feed the other day and you said you'll speak about on the podcast, so I thought what better timing because some people don't understand like, you know, your relationships coach, relationship coach, and you're not in a relationship, and you haven't been in a relationship for five years. And so for some, you know, I don't know what reason but that might rub people the wrong way or they may not understand that concept and you know, I'd love for you to talk into that. Like, you know, it's it's interesting, right? It's like, people think because you're knowledgeable that you should be in a relationship. But kind of like what I said at the start of this this chat is that when you are so highly aware, the pool of your partner becomes very small, right? So it doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm doing or whatever. But I when I reflect back to my previous relationship when I was in it, I loved this man to my core. He was my everything right? But that's where it went wrong. He was my everything. And I was in my everything. And I completely lost myself in our relationship. I mean, completely to the point where I would actually get anxiety, driving in my car through a tunnel. I couldn't be in small spaces. I couldn't go I couldn't go on trips. Because I was so anxious. And the reason I was anxious is because I had no idea who I was. So I made a promise to myself that I would embark on my self love journey of discovering rediscovering who I was, and then there's been moments where I've met a man in his face and I'm like, okay, cool. I really liked you. And then we were like, hanging out heaps. And then I realized those two facets of myself that I hadn't addressed yet, so I had to be like, I'm not ready for you. And this has happened a few times, you know, three years ago, the start of last year and then even lot and then again, that was just facets of myself that I need to work on. But then I did meet someone last year and I thought at that time, I knew who I was completely so I'm I'm putting myself out there right I you know, it would be wrong of me to tell people you got to date and dating 100% Yeah. 100%. So yeah, I met this man last year. And I think you know what, just because I love and I'm ready, doesn't mean the person that I'm loving and ready for are ready for me. Because what can happen is as well when when they're dealing with their shit, and then they're presented with a conscious woman who is addressing things talking, communicating, they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So I'm basically falling in love with the, with the thought of the potential and this happens all the time, right. So I'm potentially thinking and we shouldn't we're not this I shouldn't do that. But at the time, I was and I was like, please meet me and see what we do. Oh, my God meet the meet.
 
 And then it just got to the point where I was like, You're meeting me this has to end and it was hard. It was harder than my breakup. Yeah, man. It has to end right and and then this and then I met someone else asked that as one on the timing was off. So yeah, when people say to me, always in an irony that you're single Hi, hey, trust me. I've got a lot of experience in this space. And I'm definitely putting myself out there. I just haven't met my diet. Yeah. 100% and I love that you are open and honest. About that. And about, you know, the relationship you had with yourself because that's an important one. So personally, did not even think about that. To be honest. When you told me that you were single, and you're a relationship coach like that. For me, that doesn't need to add up like that because I'm in no rush in med like, in fact, like I'm I love the learning part, the learning side of meeting people and I didn't make a promise to myself that I wasn't I would, I would ideally like to meet someone who is relatively conscious. So when I say relatively conscious, because I'm relatively conscious, too. I'm like, I'm not Gandhi. We're all learning learning. Yeah, of course. And especially when we're when we're allowing space for others, it does bring up ignite old triggers old things, they're not erased from the mind. We just are aware of them right. So I just have a man who is as conscious as me to dance together. So I don't want to have to coach my partner 100% I don't want to have to coach and I've been in that space as well with my husband because I was trying to get him to give him this space. Because I needed a king to hold me when I was you know, getting triggered and going through my stuff because we're forever evolving, right? Like you said, but he just wasn't ready and I was like shit, if this guy doesn't, you know, put his finger out and start getting into this work then it's just not gonna work. It wasn't like a threat or an ultimatum. I just knew that it wouldn't work. Because it's, it's you have to be in the work to understand and like, you know, like, you're either conscious with me and we're growing together, and we want the same outcome. Otherwise, we're going to parent differently. We're going to want different things and everything's just going to be different, you know, so I had to do the work first. And when he saw the change in me, then he started to change and it changed our relationship. Like and that's it. I know you've had it. I've we've said this to me as well. And that's the beautiful thing right in you know, I'm not expecting a hole nor Amaya hole right I'm just completely aware but it's like when you meet somebody want to go hey, by the way, I have these my triggers these are my things and so that I'm expecting that from my partner so that's what happened. That's why you guys are really successful is because you broke address the triggers address the things oh, hey, when he did that before it didn't sit well with me and sorry, this is me, not you. Let's talk into that right like communication that I just haven't met yet. So yeah, it's it's it's a wild world out there. Yeah.
 
 Yeah, look, I mean, I love this topic, and we could talk for for a while. It really is beautiful.
 
 Did you want to say talking to anything else? Because I feel like I've covered everything with you. You know, yeah, I know that we definitely go down a tangents of all the subjects but I feel like we really touched on everything beautifully.
 
 Yeah, I just I don't know. I think we finish this. I don't know. About that up. What about the app? Also, that is that isn't actually mine. That's I was coping with. So that one is, that's all. It's so funny. We talk about abstract because now that I posted that app the other day, there's all these other people are bringing all these dating apps in they're all very different.
 
 cool things coming up. So I'll just suggest if they don't already follow my Instagram, follow my Instagram I'll go to pages or my my main page, which is more of the risky funds risk a fun side of me where I'm half naked, doing crazy shit. And then I've got my you know, my my business page, which is predominantly all things of relationships and mindset and all those things. So I will be posting a lot about these apps. It's going to be a launch party coming up soon for another app. It's been that's been a launch, the one that I posted the other day is all about Keeks. So, you know, when people are in the kink side of their space, it's very hard to trust that the person you're communicating with isn't just there for, you know, where there could be anyone, right? The that app was designed to literally go just be the person where they're nailing up all the shit kickers will call them. So you're being matched with real people for real reasons, not just like, oh, yeah, let's just get our rocks off. Yeah, that's right. I think launching the end of this month. was September right since the September. Awesome. Can I ask actually, one more question.
 
 Tell me, do you when you work with couples, do you work with the embodiment and the sexual stuff like the bedroom like is it just like counseling like on a surface level like are we talking about or is it do go down to the deepest stuff like how to love a woman and how to because I remember you spoken to like how you you know you speak to your pussy and stuff like that. And I've just learned that this year to be honest, you know, do to help couples with the bedroom stuff as well. That's not necessarily my forte. I generally speak in through them. Yeah. However, in saying that, I also tap so I speak into that but I'm not like that. I'm not. I'm not fully fledged coach in that space, but when you address this, and you're comfortable with this, the bedroom stuff. It just, it's like a flower blooming, right? Yeah. And then I do those practices. So it's like cool, how do we tap into our body? How do we talk to it? What do we do? What how do we how do we talk about the kinks that we like because to quickly talk into that people think that they kinks are wrong, right? So we address going well, if you want your toe socks, pick them to sites or if you like to think if you want to watch porn way do that because it turns you on. Like there's nothing wrong with anything. Yeah, and I own that and that's kind of that's that's the angle that I go out without, you know, doing all that the breath work into the body, like, you know, that's something that you know, if someone was like, I really want to breathe into me, I'll put them to you. Because I you know, I haven't done I've done breath work, but that's not where I'm a coach in that space. And I'm super comfortable with going in there. I know what I'm really good at. And then when you're really good at these things, and you hope them all that other stuff does tend to work itself out, right? Yeah. Well for me, I felt a lot of shame before I saw a coach about it with Zane that a lot of shame around the things that I liked. You know what I mean? Because there's a mark in society that oh, that's dirty or that's too kinky, or you're a mom now and so, after becoming a mum for me, I think that I used to love doing with my partner. I was like, yeah, it just that just happened like automatically which is, which is rubbish, right? Like, well think of it like this too. You know, if we will quickly talk into this. We create sexual patterns based off what we think we need to be the for the other person, right? So talking to myself, I have you know that I was watching porn for a very young age. So I thought that I had to talk like they did on home because that's what a lonely right? Yeah, great. Oh, my God, we can go into all those things down here. Yeah, need to understand why we want to watch porn. So I gave up on three years ago now because for me, it all was based off something else. So when I was having sexual encounters, I was always needing something visual, or think about something instead of listening to my body. Popcorn. Yeah, that's when I was like, Alright, I'm going to embody my I didn't see anyone I just knew kind of intrinsically what I needed to do. So I did this whole ceremony for myself. I stripped for myself in the mirror. I touch my body. I had my six playlist on just to listen to when I masturbate, my sex playlist and I just felt my body and when I when I orgasm when I came, I was like, oh my god, is this actually happening right now? Like I'm not watching anything. Crazy. Yeah. Love is such a hard thing for people to do. And honestly, that was that's exactly me as well porn and then having to visualize and if I wasn't visualizing, I felt like it would take forever because I wasn't in tune with my body. Yeah, I didn't even know how to connect with my body that way because it wasn't taught you know? Absolutely. And look, let's let's you know, let's be real. We're always gonna be this conscious space of oh my god, I'm gonna talk to my posse sometimes. We want that baby get to me hard and fast, like, feels really good, right? So there's no right or wrong. You know, you don't have to be blue in the bedroom. It's just still being able to play in all the spaces. That's what I say. 100% Oh, my God, and it was lovely playing with you today. Oh, baby.
 
 That was so quickly. 950 Yeah.
 
 Thank you so so much. Can you just drop your hand or so it's at Rihanna. No. Lachlan, is there underscore, underscore Lachlan x o x and then that's my main page and then my business page is re our H I underscore vivacious were really gracious. That's it VA ci o us my brains like can you start out with our writing it beautiful. Thank you so much, honey. Thank you so much. Have the best day you too.
 
 Thanks for listening. If you found value in this content, please subscribe to my podcast and head over to Instagram at elated_you to see what I'm getting up to. Bye