His Triumph: Battling Thyroid Cancer, Psychosis, and Finding Strength in Faith

Have you ever wondered how faith can lend strength during the most challenging times of our lives? Join us as we sit down with our brave guest, Carey Gassaway, who faced the grueling ordeal of battling thyroid cancer and his subsequent struggle with psychosis. He opens his heart about his fight with cancer, anxiety, and the deep faith in God that steered him through these rocky times. Let his journey of recovery and his quest for love inspire you.

Carey's fight isn't just against physical ailments. He takes us deep into his struggle with psychosis and his journey to seek help. He opens up about the haunting thoughts and images, the overwhelming shame, and how his life changed when he stepped into a medical facility. Carrie's narrative is a stark reminder that mental health is as crucial as physical health, and the role of support systems, like his wife's unwavering support, can't be overstated.

Finally, we delve into a heartfelt conversation about the significance of family and faith. The importance of prayer, reliance on the Holy Spirit, and gratitude for life's blessings are emphasized. Walking through life's twists and turns, illness, and recovery is not a solitary journey. Join us as we navigate this together.

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www.carriefarris.com

Transcript

Thyroid Cancer Journey and Psychosis

Speaker 2 0:31

So, your name's Carrie. My name's Carrie. Your wife's name is Carrie. Hi, and this is the first time you've been on, but I've had your wife on several times. She's amazing, as you know.

Speaker 1 0:46

Yes, I am.

Speaker 2 0:49

Yes.

Speaker 1 0:49

I'm married her.

Speaker 2 0:50

Yeah, and I know your story Not all of it and I still have questions because there's so much to it. Sure, I was wondering if you could give everyone just a little bit of background of who you are. And you know who you are, what do you do? How old are you? What do you like? You like tennis. What do you like tennis?

Speaker 1 1:16

Yeah, okay, so I'm 57. I have four kids, two step kids and then two after, from Carrie, my wife Anyways, I grew up in New Mexico pops into Mexico. After I went to college I moved to Lubbock, texas, played tennis in college and, anyways, in Lubbock Texas, I was a teaching pro. I did that for 20 years. Then, you know, as you get older, your knees get older, so I switched to medical cells. So I've been doing that for the last 15 years. Tennis is no longer in my life. I love pickleball, wow, anyways, but that's one of my favorite things to do is go to the lake, wake, surf and do all that. I'm traveling with my family, with Carrie, and just doing a lot of stuff. I love working out, love being outdoors. So and you're a family man.

Speaker 2 2:24

Like as long as I've known you. You're so loyal, dedicated and you know you are a Christian and you seek the greatest life that you can and make the best decisions that you can, I did and from what I know of you, you are so even keel all the time I'm pretty.

Speaker 1 2:47

Yes, I am, I am. I get that from all my kids and my wife's like I'm just steady, Eddie.

Speaker 2 2:55

Yeah, so when this happened and I heard about it, I couldn't believe it. Yeah. Just just. There are no words to describe how this happened to you, and you know I might ask some difficult questions. That's fine, but you know, I know that you physically you are in great health, but you also struggled with a thyroid issue.

Speaker 1 3:25

I did so. I had thyroid cancer when I was 35 or 36. So it was right after we got.

Speaker 2 3:34

Can you tell me what were your symptoms? So like, how did you know, how did you just know?

Speaker 1 3:41

I was. I was, you know, I was teaching tennis and I remember being on the court and kind of I can't remember like I was black and out or almost blacked out. I remember that Carrie and I first started dating, started this new transition into step kids and all this stuff. I was getting really bad anxiety and so I went to the doctor and they found a lump on my throat and so when I was younger I kept getting hyperthyroid, it was inflamed and all that stuff. So things kept happening to my thyroid, so I wasn't real.

Speaker 2 4:18

So I'm sorry to interrupt you, but so when you had thyroid issues when this came up, did you think that this could be what it was? Your thyroid when you were blacking out before you?

Speaker 1 4:32

Yes, yes, yes. So I had a, you know, a doctor said hey, let's go get it.

Speaker 2 4:40

Removed. Did you have to get it?

Speaker 1 4:42

I did have to get it removed. Okay, they tested it to see if it was cancerous or not. And then it was. And of course, it's first thoughts that you think when you have cancer is like oh my gosh, am I going to die? So thank the Lord. Okay, wait, wait, because you know I like details.

Speaker 2 5:02

You and Carrie had just started dating at this point.

Speaker 1 5:05

We were married at this point.

Speaker 2 5:07

Oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 5:09

So yeah, as you know, we only dated a few months and we got, we got married so fast, really fast, so I knew she was the one real quick, yeah there.

Speaker 2 5:23

You knew that you knew, and you had never been married before. I'm sorry, you had never been married before. No. Well, so of course, you waited, and once you knew you found the right one. There was.

Speaker 1 5:35

I did. I love that, I knew. But you know, going back to the story, they, I remember where I was at. Obviously, you know where you're at whenever you hear bad news and then you think you're going to die and all this stuff. But you know, I'm a Christian and I believe, I trust in God for so many things and and I had that deep down inside. But then you know, in the back of your mind is, oh my gosh, what if it's spread? So, anyways, they didn't get to my lymph nodes, they took out my thyroid. Then I had to adjust, you know, being regulated and all that stuff. But within, you know, about a week and a half I was back teaching tennis again. So I recovered really fast. A week and a half I was yeah, I was pretty young.

Speaker 1 6:25

And you were very healthy too, because you kept very fit, so I was back working out at the gym teaching tennis, so it was. I can't remember the exact duration of time, but I know it was pretty fast. I recovered that pretty fast. So and then over the years, you know it's just regulating the thyroid and doing all the things that I need to do, and then, and then, whenever the psychosis happened, you know it was, it was off. It was off. I can't pinpoint exactly. There's a lot of different things that was happening during that time period. Whenever it did happen to help escalate it.

Speaker 1 7:12

You know, maybe the root cause was, I don't know. I really don't know. When I get to heaven, I'm going to ask God.

Speaker 2 7:19

Right, I mean, yeah, let's go over that one. Let's review that. So you're 35, you find this out, you get it removed, you get on meds, and then for what? Almost 20 years you are on the same medication.

Speaker 1 7:36

So my level's adjusted, and I mean your body adjusted so many things and what's going on, like what, what you're eating or you know it just changes over time, Right? So I've had it adjusted so many times. I've had my levels all the way up to 200 micrograms and then now it's down to 137. So it's, it's been all over the board. But the end of the year, god's, I'm back, dear-.

Speaker 2 8:06

So was this when this happened to you, ironically enough? You don't know, but you think it might have had to do something with the change in your medication.

Speaker 1 8:18

Yes, well, I went, I was going to another and it was a gosh. I forgot what the clinic name is. I won't say the name, but because I can't put it in anyways.

Speaker 2 8:30

That's probably a good thing.

Speaker 1 8:32

They put me on the generic brand of thyroid not the exact same thing. They put me on the generic brand and said, okay, let's just do this. So obviously that didn't work. They had the wrong dosage and in just over time it just I didn't feel bad. I usually don't. I always have a lot of energy. I usually just I don't feel that tired. My medication that I'm on now makes me tired a little, you know a little bit, but I just keep on the day. I really didn't notice a lot and so I didn't think that much about it being, you know, a generic brand instead of the actual centroid. And whenever I was going through psychosis, you know, I had it tested at a men's clinic and that's when I found out it was way off.

Speaker 2 9:30

Okay.

Speaker 1 9:31

One of my physician friends he's an ENT physician, anyways. I told him he called in a prescription for me and we got the right levels and but I was so far gone by then it was that was not, so I was pretty by that time. Whenever I got the dosage right, I was in such deep psychosis it was just hard to function. Day to day. Minute to minute, it was hard to function.

Speaker 2 10:00

Yeah, okay, so I'm going to stop you right there, because a lot of people don't understand what that means. Because, just so you know, I've gotten several phone calls just by putting our stories out there, and I wanted to tell you this online that a couple of weeks ago, a lady that I knew that doesn't live around here I knew her 20 years ago. Our sons played together when they were little and she reached out and she said she heard Carrie's story about you and she said that her son was going through it right now.

Speaker 2 10:41

And just by talking to her and her. She had been dealing with this with him in psychosis for probably the past year, had gone to three different places that didn't work, that weren't the right places at all for him. One was, I think, a drug rehab place with a little mental health and that wasn't his problem. He was in psychosis. So there are moms out there, there are dads out there, sisters, brothers, relatives, friends. They see odd behavior, peculiar in some way, and they don't understand it. But it can be so minor and it builds over time. Oh yes that if you saw this person and then saw them a few months later there's a big difference. But if you're living with them you can't see it as distinctively right.

Speaker 1 11:40

No, no. So you know, I guess mine was pretty open from what you could see. I mean, carrie could tell something was wrong. She just was like she didn't believe it. She didn't Nothing against her. When I talk about this, nothing is against her, because she came on board and she was very supportive, but at first she didn't really. I think that she thought that I was just not being real about the whole situation, that maybe I was just over-emphasizing everything and making it like basically kind of like I was wanting attention or not. Basically that I hate to say that, but just kind of just making it more than what it really is, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2 12:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:34

So but oh my gosh, when you go through that going back to your question, I mean going minute to minute, just trying to survive minute to minute on what the thought process that you need to go through and how to. I mean, let me back up. So my diagnosis is OCD with intrusive thoughts. It's called pure OCD with intrusive thoughts. That being said, my concentration level was not there. I could not concentrate, I couldn't focus. I was trying to redirect my thinking all the time because it was very, very, very intrusive thoughts, like the worst things that you can think about in this whole world, was going on in my mind, and I've never heard a story, anybody else's story, like what I was going through, like whenever I went to and I know we'll get to that later whenever I was in the facility. Thank you, nobody had what I had.

Speaker 1 13:41

No, I really there was nobody that you could go to and say hey, this right, no no, I just, I mean, if I saw, I mean just digging deep into it if I saw somebody getting killed, if I saw, you know, somebody killing themselves or something, I lived that I thought that myself I'm like, okay, well, maybe, and I had this desire in my mind that I was like, but I would visualize it. But the physical, you know, self-inflicting pain was very hard to control, was very hard to control. First of all, you don't wanna go through that pain, you don't wanna live another minute without. I mean, I was gonna live. I didn't really believe that I was gonna kill myself, but I wanted to because I just wanna live through that pain. Right? So you know, I got rid of the knives all the knives in the house.

Speaker 1 14:47

Oh my gosh, yeah, I Did, carrie see that. You doing that? Yes we had my brother-in-law come into town and I said I opened up more to him, but I didn't really believe that I was gonna live in her. I was afraid for her to know what I was actually going through because she heard some of the stories before what I was going through and she was absolutely just losing her mind. She struggled too yeah.

Speaker 2 15:16

And so-. Now, during this time also, you were, you work, you travel all the time. You're on the road from New Mexico to Houston, to Dallas, to San Oliver, all over Texas.

Speaker 1 15:29

You're working, but I was going as we talked through this, more things pop up into my head that I remember. I try to forget this because it was such a bad time of my life. I mean the worst time of my life, yes, but you know, just traveling I would pull over, I would have anxiety attacks, I would think about certain things, I'd have anxiety attacks and I would be shaking and then I wouldn't know what to do because I didn't have anybody to really help me, and so I'd pull over, wait for a while, go through it, get in, you know, get back in the car, try to drive back home. I would see certain things on the side of the road, like a dead deer or dead something. I'm like, well, maybe I just need to go eat all the raw meat. I thought of the worst things possible Human could do. I'm like bringing that on myself.

Navigating Doctors

Speaker 1 16:24

Like I saw a homeless guy. I'm like, well, I remember when this first started. I'm like, okay, well, am I gonna be homeless? I mean, it was like I was living it. I told this to the first doctor. I went and saw him. Like I felt like I was gonna be homeless. I felt like how they feel? I don't know how they feel, but I felt like I did. I'm like am I really gonna be homeless? I just remember. I mean I don't know how intense you want me to get in with this, but I can. I mean I remember. So, backing up during this time period, we decided to sell our house that we had. We live in Rockwall. At that time we lived in Heath, texas. So we decided to. We thought it was smart to sell our house when it was a seller's market and to make the money get an apartment in Frisco, which is Dallas area, in North Dallas and then Austin, because I worked so much in Austin area so we thought that was a great idea.

Speaker 1 17:29

So I was spending a lot of time alone in Austin and it was there for me to spend more time working, getting new accounts and all that. But I couldn't function. I was alone there a lot. I even threw away my guns over there.

Speaker 1 17:47

I had all my knives, in the middle of the night I would just lay in the chair and just shake and I'm like, cause you don't know what's going on, you don't know how to fix it. I told doctors. Some doctors would say, just think about something different. Some of them would say, well, here's the. They just didn't know the right minute. They were trying, not the I don't know. There's some that I did. That was crazy, but they were. Some of the doctors that I went to was really trying and trying to find the right medication.

Speaker 1 18:20

So, going back to the story, I remember going number two in the toilet and it's the thought in my mind what's the worst thing that I could do? Right now? We'll rub it on my face. Well, let's do that. I thought every thought in my mind to not actually do this. When I would drive by big trees, like in Houston, I would think what's the worst thing about a tree? Well, they used to hang people from trees, and so I would picture somebody being hung on a tree. And I couldn't get this out of my mind. Things over and over the worst things that you can think about. It just crossed. I would see people. I couldn't be around people because I would visualize people being sliced open.

Speaker 2 19:13

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 19:14

Yes.

Speaker 2 19:15

That's hell. You're living hell.

Speaker 1 19:18

It was literal hell.

Speaker 2 19:19

It was.

Speaker 1 19:20

Every single day. Yeah, no-transcript. It got to the point to where Kerry could not. I mean I couldn't function, I couldn't talk on the phone. Thank the Lord that when I was at the beginning stages she took over all the information of the accounts, because I'm in medical cells and I supply surgery centers with certain products. She would take notes on where I would go and who to talk to. But thank the Lord that she was able to step in and do my routes for me whenever I left to go into the facility. Just going back to all the, I mean I had so many different, different thoughts. I mean I could just go on and on and on.

Speaker 2 20:13

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:15

It's just sick. It was really evil. I'm like am I a bad Christian? Am I a bad person? I felt so shameful that I couldn't tell anybody.

Speaker 2 20:26

I can't imagine. Yeah, yeah, embarrassment.

Speaker 1 20:31

I'm a Christian. Why am I? I couldn't tell Kerry.

Speaker 2 20:34

Yeah, You're like I don't want to do these things.

Speaker 1 20:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2 20:38

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:38

Yeah, and so I hit a lot of my thoughts a lot, and they were, just to say, the worst and truest of thoughts. That was just the worst things possible that you could think of. Yeah, I mean you name it, I thought it.

Speaker 2 20:58

Yeah, so. So where was the breaking point of I need to find a place to go Like? What did that look like?

Speaker 1 21:07

So, we were calling different places. I had my brother-in-law and sister-in-law help me with this. They were very helpful. Actually, let me back up, because I jump around a lot, I know I do and I get off track, so please keep in touch, I'm with you, I'm right there.

Speaker 2 21:25

Ok, yeah, I got you.

Speaker 1 21:26

Good, Good. So at first when I was going I have some good friends in Austin when this first happened I kind of shut Kerry out, which was the worst thing in the world to do. I just didn't think that she understood and so she didn't understand and she wanted to help, so bad, I pushed her away. I was not good about this. The way I handled it was the worst thing in the world, but I lost.

Speaker 2 21:54

I mean, I was going to you were in psychosis, though I was insane.

Speaker 1 21:57

Yeah, you were. Yeah, for real, yeah, so I went to one of my best friend's house that I grew up in and I stayed there for a little bit in Austin and they let me stay there and I was very, very thankful and I shut her out during that time period, which I regret to this day.

Speaker 2 22:17

And how long was that? How long did that last?

Speaker 1 22:19

It was a couple of weeks. It was a couple of weeks and I was not nice. I didn't say good things and I was not nice, but she kept trying to reach out to me, reach out. I think she was really understanding what was going on. Then, finally, I decided to go back to Dallas and her and I kind of faced her being around me and just going through whatever.

Speaker 2 22:47

I, you couldn't hide it anymore.

Speaker 1 22:49

I couldn't hide it anymore.

Speaker 2 22:50

She was going to hear and find out everything.

Speaker 1 22:53

Yes, yeah, so I went back to that's when I decided to go back to her and so we were trying to work things out and try to figure out what to do. She tried to help me get into there's, this place called the Amen Clinic I think that's what it's called, amen clinics.

Speaker 2 23:11

Amen brother.

Speaker 1 23:13

Yeah.

Speaker 2 23:13

Very familiar.

Speaker 1 23:16

We signed me up for that, paid the money up front, but my first day I couldn't even concentrate on what I was doing. I was so far in psychosis that was not going to help me. Because, it was. They wanted to take brain scans and all this stuff and I was visualizing the worst things and it was just a very tough time, right.

Speaker 2 23:35

So for the listeners to know. The Amen clinics I've mentioned them before on previous shows. They're in Dallas, chicago, la, new York, I'm not sure. Houston maybe as well. I'm not sure about that. But if you have something on a little bit lower level, not full blown psychosis, if you have anywhere from minor depression to major depression, ADD those kind of things. They'll take brain scans of your brain and blood tests and it's amazing, but you were way past that. You need more.

Symptoms and Effects of Psychosis

Speaker 1 24:14

Yes. So I was back in Dallas and so I turned to my friends instead of Carrie during that time period so I'm like, ok, well, and we had a discussion about this and she knew of all the bad things I was talking about and anyway she was like I'd rather have family, you just need to be with family. So, anyways, I got my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law to come visit with me in Dallas and so I remember him coming and I pretty much opened up to him a lot, what was going on, more than anybody else, because I remember having to take frequent walks. I just had to go outside and get out and get fresh air and people they would have to walk me, hold my arm, just make sure that I'm OK.

Speaker 2 25:08

I did that with Miles.

Speaker 1 25:09

Yeah, yes, so when you're going through that, it's just. It's even. I was eating, still eating, but I was losing weight, because your mind was just going on and on and on, but I was losing so much weight I lost like 15 pounds, wow. So, anyways, I opened up to him and I remember the next morning he was with me and I said do you have a gun?

Speaker 2 25:36

So Really Sorry. Hey. You asked him that. You asked him that.

Speaker 1 25:44

Yeah, I asked him if he would shoot me.

Speaker 2 25:47

Really, what did he say?

Speaker 1 25:50

Oh, he was like heck. No, I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 2 25:53

Because you meant it.

Speaker 1 25:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2 25:56

God love your sweet soul. Yeah, sorry, that's okay, bud, you're brave for doing this. There are people out there that need to hear this, because they do kill themselves. Oh, I know, and you are putting yourself out there unselfishly to help someone else. Someone's going to hear this and it's going to save their life. I know that with everything in me.

Speaker 1 26:25

That's why I want to do that.

Speaker 2 26:26

I know it.

Speaker 1 26:28

Anyways, I remember him and I riding around and we got in the car and spent some time alone. I remember banging my head against the car and just saying it just won't go away, it just won't go away. Anyways, we knew that was the last straw. So him and my sister-in-law, they helped us. We went to Houston that last weekend. This was the last weekend before I went into Menendorf Clinic in.

Speaker 2 26:56

Houston.

Speaker 1 26:57

Yeah, so they helped trying to find places with Carrie. Carrie was trying to look the whole time Just trying to just figure out what to do. I mean, bless her soul, she was trying so hard to just fix me and find a place where I could go. So we found a place in California and so I was going to go there. But I couldn't get on a plane because I mean I was going to have anxiety attack after anxiety attack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 27:35

I probably want to open the door and just run out. You know whatever. Anyways, I couldn't be in public places very much because I would visualize so many things. Yeah, I called one of my friends, one of my best friends that I grew up with. He was a pilot, and I said hey, can you fly me to California to give me this place? I can't get on a commercial plane. I will go crazy. Yeah, I had a separation. They were going to drive me.

Speaker 2 28:04

Yeah, I was going to ask that.

Speaker 1 28:05

But they were going to drive me and she was going to drive me over there and he was going to go to California and he in the facility where he worked he knew of I guess she was a nurse, I don't know the whole story, but she knew. She said this is the best place to go to go on the psychosis. So she mentioned Minniger. So, by the way, the next day they did phone calls. I mean I couldn't, I couldn't even function, I couldn't do phone calls, I couldn't do anything. And thank the Lord that she was with me the whole time. I mean, if I was by myself I wouldn't know what I probably would have done. I probably wouldn't, just, I probably wouldn't be here today. Anyways, I they found this place and they got me in Gosh.

Speaker 1 28:51

The first just getting there was a nightmare. I was taken, oh gosh. I'm trying to think of the medication anxiety medication, what's the strong one? I can't think of the name. Anyways, I had to take a few pills just to get me there and it was just.

Speaker 1 29:12

It was tough the first few weeks, you know, they got me on medication and they did my blood work, they just they did a lot of good things and during this whole time I could just see God being involved there. I could tell I mean the nurses, they prayed for me. As soon as I got there I had a priest pray for me. I was. I was like somebody just come get me and heal me, because I didn't want to go through this. I just needed, I just wanted to be healed. I would ask everybody to pray for me and they did. You know, there it was very, it was such I mean a lot of these, they were just such a God's in over there and I was so thankful to be there. So they put they put me on medication and it takes a few weeks for it to start working. I was doing this other procedure called TMS and it kind of it works with your. I don't know if you've ever heard that before, but it works. Brain waves.

Speaker 1 30:10

And it's kind of like a shock type therapy but it works with your brain waves to actually get away the depression and OCD. It really does. A lot of psychiatrists offices will do TMS.

Speaker 2 30:24

I have never heard of this one time. That's amazing.

Speaker 1 30:27

Yeah, it's a good procedure. So I I was. I didn't care how much it costs. I was going to pay for anything to get me to make me feel better, cause I remember once I first got there, I remember we would, on Sundays, we would play volleyball, and this is before everything started kicking in. It took a few weeks. I remember playing. I'm like you know, I couldn't even enjoy it. I'm like I'm, when I get home, I'm just going to kill myself anyway. So why am I going to enjoy this? Cause I hate going through this and, slowly but surely, within three weeks, I'm like hey, I'm having fun, I'm having a good time, I'm getting to play volleyball.

Speaker 2 31:08

Wait a minute, what's happening? Yeah, I'm having fun.

Finding the Right Doctor and Support

Speaker 1 31:12

Yeah. So I'm having a good time, I'm starting to feel better, I'm starting to talk people Now I'm even. I'm like, cause I care how people feel. So now I'm reaching out to people and it's such a good community there. Everybody, you know we're all going through the same thing. We're we're we're dealing with issues with our mind, and so you don't feel judged and everybody's so nice, and so I'm starting to reach out to see how they're doing, instead of just how I'm doing. And surely you know it took me six weeks and and then Carrie came and picked me up and I was. I was so much better. I wasn't a hundred percent, but I was, I was. I was at a place where I thought I would never get to.

Speaker 2 31:59

Is it true that once you're out of psychosis, they'll release you, or is?

Speaker 1 32:06

Well, they can't keep you there. They well, I don't know about young people under 18.

Speaker 2 32:13

They're 23 or 23 years old.

Speaker 1 32:16

Okay, so I, they can't keep you there, they cannot. I could leave anytime I wanted. I had a guy. I had a guy that wouldn't come out of his room Never did. He went through so bad anxiety and didn't come out of his room except to get snacks and so he left after a week. I felt really bad for him, but he could leave any time, but he needed to be there, needed to be there. I mean, you got to give it time, you got to let the medication work, you got to let them figure out what it is because, thank the Lord, my medication was right on. It was spot on.

Speaker 2 32:51

So Well, and it took in our family. It took four, four or five months. Yes.

Speaker 1 32:58

To get out of psychosis, oh yeah, I was going through it probably for three months before I went into Minnaker. I was like, well, this is going to be my life, yeah, one or two, or have my phone. I couldn't have my phone except for 30 minutes a day, but that's okay, I didn't care. I didn't care, I was around good people, I was, I felt safe. But I was happy to be back home and see my family and and be with my kids and it was, um, yeah, I was glad to be out.

Speaker 2 33:32

Good, so how long ago was that?

Speaker 1 33:36

No gosh, that's been almost. It'll be two years. In November it was the right of of Thanksgiving. So during this time period right now, I was going through psychosis two years ago.

Speaker 2 33:49

So was Miles.

Speaker 1 33:50

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 33:51

I went through it the exact same time and neither one of us knew it.

Speaker 1 33:56

You know, bless y'all's heart too, going through that. You and I love you and Adam and I just hate anybody has to do.

Speaker 2 34:03

Carrie and I just sit there sometimes and we're like I can't. It's just, the whole situation is unbelievable. Yes, you know, same time same.

Speaker 1 34:15

I know.

Speaker 2 34:15

Situations and different, but the same. Right. So how has been your journey since then?

Speaker 1 34:23

You know it's um, it's been good, Um, I can't say, every day is awesome.

Speaker 1 34:30

Um it's I, but every day is good. You know I trust in God to keep this going. I have PTSD yeah, do I remember everything that I thought of? Most things? Yeah, what bothers me? I hate thinking about it. You know I'm not shameful like I was with all this because I knew I couldn't help it. Every day, you know it's, I'm just thankful to once I went through that. I'm so much more thankful to be here, and Carrie will tell you that I'm a different person.

Speaker 2 35:12

She's a different person.

Speaker 1 35:13

Yes, she is your marriage is different. It's completely different. Yeah, it has gone in the right direction and I thank the Lord for that too, and I mean I'm glad I went through that to get to this. But could I go through it again?

Speaker 2 35:30

I don't have time for that. And what are you talking?

Speaker 1 35:33

about that was living hell.

Speaker 2 35:36

Yeah, Now you know for everyone's different, and I have told people that you know you need medication, right For this. But I truly believe it's so important that you have a psychotherapist, like you had, that when you went in there you had the nurses, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, you know and they were tending to you. But I have talked to people out there. They don't know what to do. They take their kid to a psychiatrist, they get on medication. Psychiatrists are able to prescribe medications and they monitor you, but a psychotherapist works with a psychiatrist to help you understand what's happening. They help you build your life back. To give you a plan. I just told someone this the other day If it wasn't for a psychotherapist, along with a psychiatrist, for miles in my opinion, there's no way we would be where we're at today. You know he's about to graduate from college, he has a girlfriend, he has an internship life's amazing, thank you God. But it wasn't for the psychotherapist to help him, especially at that age, to see how you can continue on and then it will get better.

Speaker 2 37:01

And if you take these steps, this is what you can do, because when you get out of psychosis or get out of miniature or wherever, it's not like, okay, I'm gonna go back to work my bones healed maybe I'll start jogging a little bit. Jog it out. No, it isn't Now. I gotta figure out how I'm gonna live a life every day in this world Normally.

Speaker 1 37:26

Right.

Speaker 2 37:28

And then you don't wanna tell anyone and not have found, especially for men, because you're the caretaker, you're the protector you're the provider. You know this is. You're showing weakness, you know, but what strength and courage you really are showing my brother by. I mean, I just look at you and I'm like you're freaking a warrior, like. I see you and you're like.

Speaker 2 37:56

I got chills all over my body Like you're a warrior, you ward. Through that you got better, you trusted, you did what you were supposed to do. You have faith and every day you know it's a journey and you just keep pushing. It is it is.

Speaker 1 38:12

I believe I mean one of the things that helps me every day is like I am the provider of my family and I am the protector of my family and so I'm like that gives me like all right, let's keep going every day. Every day, you gotta be there for your family. I mean that is, I can't imagine somebody just being alone in this. It's I mean, when you have, I had family with me, but if when you're alone you gotta find somebody, the biggest thing probably with me going through this is just having somebody there to turn to during cause people don't understand, they don't know. A lot of people just don't know. But having somebody to turn to is huge, huge during this, because that's all you want. You just want help cause you don't know. You're going crazy, you know.

Speaker 2 39:11

Right. Is there any advice or anything you'd like to say, cause more than likely, someone who is in psychosis right now isn't watching this. It's someone who's a loved one who's seeking answers. And what would you tell them right now? What kind of advice would you give them?

Speaker 1 39:32

You know, I would just I mean seek help. I mean, you know, just especially the loved ones. Just accept them what they're going through and just seek help, go to the professional, but be there for them. Be there for them. It's something that they can't help.

Speaker 2 39:53

So where would you think that they could start, like you and Carrie? You know, carrie, and did a lot of research and digging and trying to find the right place. You know and you went through a lot of places that didn't work.

Speaker 1 40:08

Luckily, god provided us the funds to get to the right place. And.

Speaker 1 40:14

I know that there's. I mean, there's a couple of places that Carrie. I can't remember one or two places Carrie took me to that she just knew. She just knew that wasn't the right place. You know, having the funds available, too, is key to finding a better place, which is unfortunate because they should have places to where that, wherever stage of life that you're in, they should to fit you in there and they showed you into everybody and just and gosh, I've seen people. You just feel sorry for them.

Speaker 1 40:49

You know, you know, if I, if I, was going through it again, I would you know, they know the right place to go to.

Speaker 2 40:55

Yeah right. They see all these places and we live in Texas you and. I and you know our psychiatrist for him told us about manager. And we couldn't afford it. That wasn't an option.

Speaker 1 41:10

I have found out that they take insurance and but it's yeah, they, they do some insurance. It depends on your insurance, basically.

Speaker 2 41:21

Really.

Speaker 1 41:22

You had to pay. I had, I had insurance, but I paid out of pocket.

Speaker 2 41:27

Yeah right, I know that's tricky, so we didn't go to a place like that. So what we did was find, you know, the mama bear that I was at the time find the best psychiatrist that I could possibly find Just so happened to be one of my good friends was a psychiatrist therapist. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 41:49

Just so happened that it was in the exact field that she specialized in and had been married to someone who had that, so she was personally affected. She's professional. So when I prayed for God to provide that was provision there, because we have five kids and we both work, and how are we going to do this? So finding those two things and then me being with him every second of the day for months.

Speaker 2 42:23

Doing what you just said, going outside and and we had. We had words, safe words, like he knew, that say I'm cooking dinner, our kids are all around.

Speaker 2 42:35

He could come up to me and look at me in the face and say I mean, I need some time and I knew that we were walking out that door and we were going to walk until it was done. I've been in the car and we just have to drive and you just drive, and you drive and you and you're just there trying to help them get through the moment, you know, and but every day it gets a little bit better with the right medication, with the right psychotherapist.

Speaker 1 43:05

Right, right, it does and for and. Another thing I can say is people who don't believe in medication, like I'm not going to take a pill. I'm not going to do this. I mean I'm going to do everything. Natural, god doesn't want me to just do this, but God makes people to make things. Yes, it doesn't help people, right, it doesn't mean that it's the wrong thing.

Speaker 2 43:30

Okay, well, let me stop you there and say you know my husband's had several open heart surgeries.

Speaker 2 43:36

He has a mechanical valve in his heart we don't want to take medication. We're not pill poppers, rather not pill pop. However, if he doesn't take Kimmetan every day because he has a mechanical valve in his heart, he will accumulate blood clots and he could die immediately. So he has to take that. So sure. There are things and I think we need to stop judging and just decide for yourself. Is this what I'm going through so bad, affecting my quality of life, whatever it is?

Speaker 1 44:10

Yeah.

Speaker 2 44:10

And seek help with that.

Speaker 1 44:12

Yes, because I wasn't. I mean, I had to take thyroid medication. I thought, well, that's enough, I don't want to take anything else. Yeah, but I'm daily on medication.

Speaker 2 44:24

So, but, what's the alternative?

Speaker 1 44:28

No.

Speaker 2 44:28

Your quality of life.

Speaker 1 44:30

I am a believer in. I mean, if you need that medication, I mean that's just what you need, right, I know, I know To keep a normal life, whatever normal it is, you know.

Speaker 2 44:46

Well, I can't thank you enough for being here doing this. Thank you, for I mean you and Kerry have always had a special place in my heart. But then watching you hearing about this, listening to your story and your bravery of wanting to come out and tell people about this, like you could have just been, you know, moved right along and not told anybody and no one would have ever known except your family around you.

Speaker 1 45:14

I mean, that's another question when I get to have Like, why did To heaven is, why did I go through this? But I know God lets you go through things so you can testimony, you can be there to help somebody, basically, and I'm and whenever Kerry told me like you wanted to do this, I know I need to do this. I've told her before I need to tell my story. I really need to, because I'm not just going to stay silent with this too. I do like being able to tell my story because it makes me feel like, okay, well, there's a purpose why I went through this.

Speaker 2 45:54

Yes.

Speaker 1 45:55

Yes.

Speaker 2 45:57

You know, right when Miles was the second episode that I recorded and of course I would never try to talk him into doing anything like that you know he was like I want to do this, I want to help people. And I went to a psychotherapist and I was like, is this really something that he should do? Like honestly, like we're putting all that out there, is it going to affect his life later? Is it going to affect jobs? Is it going to do this? And she's the best thing in the world for him to do. He is, it is therapy, it is he's telling that story and he's also helping someone else. And you know, if he doesn't get a job because he's being honest and reaching out and helping people, then that wasn't the job for him, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2 46:42

And then, right after that, he was working for Wadi, for a moving company, and they were moving out a lady and she was beside herself, upset, and her daughter had been going through psychosis and someone walked up to Miles and told them that's what she went through. And you know he was 22 at that time and all that. And for a 22 year old to just step out to someone they don't know. He went over and he was like look, this is what happened to me and I got through it and your daughter is going to get through it and you're going to get through it, and you just need to be there for her.

Speaker 2 47:22

You know what just me telling that story brings me healing.

Speaker 1 47:28

Right.

Speaker 2 47:29

You know and energy.

Speaker 1 47:31

That does I mean just stories like that? Yeah it. Just People need to know that there's help, you know, and that especially I mean, if you've been through that, they're going to be more in tune to listen to you.

Speaker 2 47:46

All right. Well, Carrie, I would like to ask you to close us out in prayer.

Prayer

Speaker 1 47:51

Sure, dear Heavenly Father, we just thank you for another day, thank you for friends that we can turn to Lord, and we just thank you for the opportunity that we can help somebody with this disease. Lord, I pray that this just reaches out to people, lord, I pray that it reaches to the right, right person, lord, that's going through this, because we know, lord, that just whatever they're going through, it's just literal hell. Lord, I pray that it reaches the right people and thank you, lord, for the people in our life, for the doctors, for the nurses, for everybody. That just helps us get better, lord, and we just thank you for your ever-loving grace, lord Jesus, and I thank you for our friends Carrie and Adam, thank you for my wife and my family and my support that I've had in Jesus' name, amen.

Speaker 2 48:42

Amen Thank you. You just made my day. You energized me with your blessing. I've been praying and kneeling over here before we met, saying Jesus Holy. Spirit, come in here, be with our words, be with our story, bless our time and I love you so much, Carrie. Yeah, so I do. Like you are my brother, I want to cry. I was fighting those tears the whole time, because I was just like I can't cry. So I'm going to go melt down, right over there. So, thank you, I hope to see you real soon. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 49:18

Let's book dinner. All right, let's do it girl.

Speaker 2 49:21

Bye dude, love you, See you.