Injured but Unbroken: Josh’s Journey

Welcome back to another episode of When Does the [ __ ] End? — where we dive deep into the real stories behind the headlines. Today, I’m honored to have Josh Ekoff, a Purple Heart and Bronze Star Army veteran, join me to share his powerful journey from combat injury to recovery. Josh opens up about his traumatic brain injury, the challenges of rehabilitation, and how organizations like JCS (Joshua Chamberlain Society) played a critical role in helping him regain independence.

From his days in Iraq on route clearance missions to pushing through limits that doctors said he’d never overcome, Josh’s story is one of grit, brotherhood, and perseverance. We also talk candidly about what it means to ask for help, the brotherhood between service branches, and the importance of community for wounded veterans.

Whether you’re a veteran, caregiver, or just someone who appreciates stories of resilience, this episode offers insight and inspiration straight from the heart.

Grab your favorite drink — we start, as always, with a shot of Screwball — and join us for this unforgettable conversation.

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Transcript

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0:08
[Music]
0:14
right everybody I want to welcome you back to another podcast of When Does the [ __ ] End Um I'm have a special guest
0:21
with me today His name is Josh Ekoff He is a uh JCS hero I hate saying the word
0:28
but he is just like I am He was actually the first that was donated You hear me talk a lot about it and um you know
0:35
they're one of the best organizations in the St Louis area for us But you know how we usually started off We started
0:41
off with a shot of screw ball So here we go everybody Cheers
0:50
Score
0:57
That's delicious You want to take that from him Oh I do Oh you're going to make him struggle Way to go Now you're fired
1:03
See Kyle got fired right at the beginning of the episode Well anyway we're going to jump right into this Um
1:09
usually I go through a bunch of the foundations and stuff but I'm going to wait till the end again to go through
1:14
that because I want Josh to be able to tell you his story Josh has become a good friend of mine since um we've met
1:20
in the JCS and uh he's got a story to tell He's a Purple Heart veteran just like I am Bron Star veteran we will um
1:30
you know give him the fact that he was in the army but I'll let him get into his story So Josh tell us a little bit
1:35
about yourself where he grew up I grew up here in St Louis I was actually I
1:40
grew up five houses down from the room we're sitting in I after I was injured I was able to buy a house five houses down
1:47
from the house I grew up in So my mom just lives down the street which is convenient given the fact that I don't
1:52
drive Yeah With my injuries I I'll never be able to do that again So it's a
1:57
really a blessing that she's so close and able to take me to the grocery store and do the little run into doctor's
2:03
appointments and such So being your caregiver is a huge part for you Oh yeah Yeah I know My I myself have a caregiver
2:10
cuz I'm missing my arms and legs and having a caregiver and the VA support of that caregiver program has really helped
2:18
out both of us as obviously you can tell both our recoveries But um let's get a
2:23
little bit into your story of what happened to you in the military before we get into your background So people
2:29
kind of know what we're dealing with here Um they obviously know that my arms and legs were blown off But Josh has a
2:36
unique story cuz he's different than I am but he was also injured while he was in the military So I'm going to let him
2:41
talk a little bit about that Okay I was um I was on my second combat
2:47
tour in Iraq in 2007 and 2008 on a combat mission doing route clearance
2:53
when we had cleared our route and turned around to drive back to Camp Liberty in Baghdad where I was stationed when a
3:01
armor defeating device penetrated my armored vehicle and concave my Kevlar helmet into the right hemisphere of my
3:07
brain So I'm actually missing part of the right hemisphere of my brain It's a severe traumatic brain injury
3:13
which has left me with stroke like symptoms and the fact that I can't use the left side of my body like I did
3:19
before Oh yeah So but but you do a lot of things now though right What I mean
3:25
Yeah I don't I don't let it keep me down Oh okay Well why doesn't it keep you down Josh tell us a little bit about
3:31
that Too much life to live left Okay So what do you do now I was 23 when I was injured I I'm currently writing a book
3:38
about my my service my injury and my recovery It's basically finished It's to
3:44
the publisher now So that's to come Um do we have a title that we can give out
3:50
that maybe people can look for You don't have to tell us You don't have to Yeah I'd have to look it up I forgot That's
3:57
that TBI stuff But okay So you were in the army What rank did you reach Staff Sergeant Staff sergeant And how long did
4:05
that take you Eight years Eight years to staff sergeant That's not That's not that bad That's That's pretty good in
4:11
the army What What made you decide to want to join the army Josh
4:17
you mean the branch specifically or just to go into the military Both Both Okay Well I always knew I wanted to
4:23
serve and cuz he was in the Air Force and he's an ass So when it was time to serve I knew the best place for me was
4:28
the army It was the best branch Yeah Okay So people who are listening me
4:34
and Josh go back and forth about this all the time He tells me I eat crayons and I tell him the army ain't ready to be Marines yet I mean couple gallas
4:41
we've gotten into it But anyway go ahead Josh I just I always
4:48
always knew I wanted to be a soldier So it was a natural progression for me from the time I was actually I joined before
4:54
I graduated from high school Okay So did you do like ROC or Well no I was actually I'm I joined the Missouri Army
5:01
National Guard So I joined when I was a junior in high school and I went and did my training before my senior year and
5:07
then I graduated and I was already accepted to my university University of
5:13
Missouri St Louis all expecting to do my freshman year there and I got my first orders for
5:19
Iraq in 2003 and 2004 Okay And so once again why did you pick
5:27
the army
5:33
It had it had all the best benefits for my for what I wanted to do It I mean it
5:40
made sense monetarily they were going to give me the most money for education when I went to the varying recruiters
5:47
See people he was smart Me being a Marine you know we like
5:53
to give each other the uh the back and forth between the branches It's just brotherly love Oh it definitely is It's
6:00
like a society all within a society but then you have branches inside that society where it's like okay you know
6:05
what You're on the left wing I'm on the right wing I don't like the left wing but you any civilian makes fun of the
6:11
left wing we're going after them together right So tell me Josh what do you what do you
6:17
do for fun now I really love to exercise So I anything that get my heart rate up
6:24
I like to cycle weight lift things like that Yeah I ran my first 5K after my
6:30
injury After they said I'd never walk again Really Where was that at Here in St Louis My I was I rehabed in
6:37
Minneapolis for about 13 months after I was injured I woke up I had a tube in my
6:43
stomach I couldn't speak or swallow So I relearned everything in Minneapolis And when I finally made it
6:48
back to St Louis I made it my goal to run my first 5K I said "I'm going to run again." The VA said "No we you we can't
6:55
make you run again." I said "Well watch me." So the VA discharged me from physical therapy So I went out and found
7:01
a personal trainer that would teach me how to run again See ladies and gentlemen that just goes to speak volumes about the military because I
7:08
myself when they told me that I was never going to you know do anything again or that it would take me four
7:14
years to get out of the hospital I ended up running a 4K or a 5K when I left the
7:19
hospital of Walter Reed I told him I said "I'm running out of here." They told me it was going to take four years for me to get out of the hospital And I
7:26
was like I'm running out of this [ __ ] Next thing I know I'm running a 5K in New York called the Hopes and Possibilities run and I'm the only
7:33
quadruple ampute to ever finish that run That's amazing What's amazing is I hear you do a lot of
7:40
bicycling Well I JCS has what we call the Bike for the Heroes event where we raise money for for the charity So I
7:48
every year I get a team together of cyclists and I generally do the 80 mile course Holy cow This year I was supposed
7:56
to do the 100 mile course but gave myself a second brain injury by putting my head into a wall Okay And so you also
8:03
go to a program that I went through DASA I don't work with DASA anymore I did work with DASA is who I worked with when
8:10
I did my 5K Okay Okay And for those people who don't know what DASA is
8:15
what's DASA Josh Disabled Disabled Uh I don't know what the he athlete sports
8:22
association right Yeah I mean I used to play I go through them for rugby wheelchair rugby So they're a good
8:28
program that helps out a lot of injured veterans but they also help out people that aren't injured veterans They do
8:34
They help out a lot of uh a lot of disabled children or children with uh
8:40
sports activities and things right Just just to get them active and get them doing things that make them feel
8:48
like normal normal kids Let them go out and run a race or something like that Yeah So you know Josh uh here's the
8:56
thing We're sitting here and we're talking about things that go back and forth Let us know like what was it like
9:02
for you in the army What what did you enjoy What were the things Tell us some stories like if you're okay with it Yeah
9:09
I'm okay with that Well I loved the adventure of of all the different
9:14
missions I mean my my job specifically I would go out under the cover of darkness and look for bombs in in a war zone So
9:22
I'm like "Well yeah that's a great idea Josh Let's go do it." Yeah Hey I'm going
9:27
to go look for bombs And for people that's crazy because I've done it too
9:32
You know you're stabbing for a bomb and you're like "Found it." You know things like that It's like it's people don't
9:38
understand that So I mean give us a little history about yourself and and some stories about the military Well I I
9:47
did my basic in AIT at Fort Leonwood here in Missouri My first tour in Iraq was relatively um
9:54
incident free We were responsible for training new Iraqi security forces and we did a lot of convoy ops convoy
10:02
security ops So I was a 50 gunner on my first store and then I came home I was
10:07
like well this is this is the life for me I got to go back So immediately I started trying to find a way back to the
10:13
back to the war zone So I volunteered for this mission specific training at
10:18
Fort Linder to be qualified to look for the roadside devices and once I got that
10:26
qualification I volunteer to change to change units to find a unit that was getting ready to deploy to go
10:32
back So I I'm listening to Josh's stories and
10:38
I'm looking at him as we're sitting here and for people who aren't you know I we need to start recording this stuff This
10:44
is a giant man This man is like what 6'4 6'3 6'3 [ __ ] probably around 230 lbs
10:52
of muscle of muscle Like just straight and he's got a bald head scars on it
10:58
from where his like he said where his injury was I mean just a massive man that like I wouldn't want to fight this
11:05
man Definitely not You don't pitch in as much anymore though Well you know this is about you two at this point I mean
11:11
it's not about us too It's about all of us And so I'm just trying to get Josh to
11:17
open up That's why I got to keep asking questions So I'm like hoping Josh opens up a little more What Maybe we should do
11:22
another shot of screw ball I mean that's up to you Yeah if we should If we should
11:28
you get them ready and I'll I'll keep talking Well I got a question then What is your What was your favorite incident
11:34
in your first deployment Like a story like your favorite moment
11:42
my my first deployment my favorite incident would have been just the opportunities to interact
11:48
with the the Iraqis They I was generally one of the first American soldiers any
11:55
of the any of these Iraqis had ever met And so they were they were thankful for
12:00
their liberation because we had just just taken Saddam out And I remember there was a child
12:07
that hadn't eaten He came up and shared my MRE with me and I was you I'm a kid
12:13
so I I feel like this is a human moment that I can can share
12:19
with with another human being He's not my enemy Yeah Yes he was Iraqi but he
12:24
wasn't wasn't a combatant Right And that that's the weird part And when you say
12:30
human moment that's that's the hard thing for a lot of people to understand because when you're overseas and I Josh
12:38
can contest to this like you're not a human at that point You're trying to survive You're you're there to survive
12:45
and and when the kids interact with you and stuff it's it's something special because it's like it's like being back
12:52
home again playing with your nieces and nephews and doing what you can and it makes you feel good about what you're
12:57
doing But there's a lot of other bad stuff and having those human moments is
13:02
a huge part of of keeping us sane while we're there Wouldn't you say Definitely
13:09
And even once we come home to look back on our experiences I know some of the things I did were hard to live with and
13:15
then to be able to look back on that moment and say "Well there was there were a few glimmers of hope in there."
13:20
Right All right So we're going to do this another shot and we're going to get Josh a little looser here and we're
13:26
going to figure out more about Josh here in a second So here we go Your mom's going to kill me Josh I
13:32
don't think so I know So
13:38
ready school So smooth and delicious Okay so we've learned Thank you about
13:44
Josh and his past He He's very blunt about what he says He's very to the
13:50
point So I'm trying to figure out how to open Josh up So what is I talk a lot
13:56
about JCS So when I do that what has JCS done for you Josh As the first hero JCS
14:04
was basically a lot was it was a combat
14:09
multiplier for my recovery So I came I came back to the
14:15
States and I rehabbed in Minneapolis for over a year When I was finally ready to
14:20
discharge out there I couldn't move home because I had to move back in with my folks because I wasn't independent
14:25
enough with my injuries to live on my own And before I can move in with them they had to have an ADA accessible
14:32
bathroom And the VA had grants and such for these kinds of things But it would have been a lot of red red tape and a
14:37
long time to wait And basically the VA was ready to get rid of me up there They said "We you got to go?" Wait the VA
14:44
told you you had to go Well they're the way the rehab hospital works
14:50
up there you've got a certain amount of goals to achieve and once once they've made you as well as you're going to be
14:58
it's not like a residency program So they don't give you a room in the basement to just hang
15:03
out and for good reason They've got other other veterans that have to serve So they didn't really kick kick me out
15:10
per se but the army was involved at this point too saying we've got to find the next step
15:16
next step for you and what we're going to do right And how how are we going to make this soldier's life better from
15:23
this point on and for me that was coming home but I couldn't move home because I
15:29
my parents didn't have a bathroom for me to use So I was home on like a pass or
15:34
visit or something and I met Matt Cutler the founder of JCS for coffee one day and he told me about his vision for the
15:41
charity and the rest of the time he wanted to know about my injury and how it was going to affect the rest of my
15:46
life I told him about our issue with the bathroom and before I even flew back to
15:51
Minneapolis for that like weekend pass I had a guarantee that the bathroom was going to be taken care of and that
15:58
was my ticket home to come back to St Louis and be with my family and continue my recovery here which as you know
16:05
is so important because you can't you you feel cut off when you're
16:11
in these in these rehab facilities by yourself And you know you know that better than I do cuz you went through
16:17
more than I did No don't say that buddy Don't say that Your struggles are yours
16:23
and mine are mine But we we making it together But so don't ever say mine are
16:28
worse than yours No I wasn't saying worse I just mean you I get it You had more probably had more rehab than I did
16:35
Oh no I I said [ __ ] them and I left [Laughter]
16:40
But you know that that's just me But that that's uh see people when
16:46
you listen to these these podcasts and I'm going to try to get more injured veterans on like Josh and the other JCS
16:54
heroes like they like to call them which I don't But you're going to learn a lot about people that you know went and
16:59
served their country and now are under these detriments
17:04
that your life is [ __ ] easy here I I think in America people have it jaded
17:10
sometimes They they feel like that they're owed something And you're not owed anything Did I mean when you came
17:17
back did you feel like anybody owed you anything Because when I did not when I came back I didn't feel that way
17:24
I came home and people wanted to buy me a coffee in the airport and I was I was grateful obviously
17:30
Yeah I would I would be like I don't I don't need your charity right But I'm I'm grateful for the coffee So I nine
17:37
times out of 10 I'd take it right Well I I got yelled at by a lot of people too because they were like just take it
17:43
because they don't know how else to help So I had to learn that too But it's like
17:48
we went and did this Josh me and you different branches not expecting
17:54
anything from anyone And then when you come home injured for a while everybody was like "Let me help you Let me help
18:00
you Let me help you." And it's like at some point you have to learn
18:05
that I I don't know how to say this in the polite way that we want to be independent too You know
18:12
sometimes it's okay to ask for help and it's better to ask for help than give
18:17
help Does that make sense It does And I think what you're trying to get at is that sometimes when you see an injured
18:23
veteran struggling you've got to got to give him the space to figure it out Exactly You You just said it perfectly
18:30
because nine times out of 10 he's going to he's going to accomplish that mission He will And if he needs help he will ask
18:37
Because I know me when I start getting frustrated then I go "All right someone [ __ ] do this for me because I'm
18:42
[ __ ] done." I've been there I've been there We've been there a lot of times haven't we
18:49
Yeah Oh So we're in your beautiful home You
18:54
said you got a gym in the basement Mhm I mean you do a lot of exercise and stuff
18:59
So I just try try to I was I was grossly overweight after my injury I was I was
19:06
in my wheelchair and I I couldn't do any physical I couldn't really do any physical activity after about 300 lb I
19:12
said that's enough You were 300 lb I was 300 lb 300 lb You knew me when I was 300
19:17
lb No I didn't Yes you did Maybe I was drunk Well of course you were drunk
19:24
Okay we can agree to that then But yeah I mean you look great now You're fit Like I said he's like a 6'4
19:31
230 lb monster Well don't laugh Say something What do
19:38
you want me to say For anybody we me and Josh used to go back Joshua Chamberlain Society has
19:44
these gallas every year and I would show up and me and Josh I had met him only
19:49
just a couple times but I was a Marine he was army and me and him were getting
19:55
wasted and everybody else was like [ __ ] it So we would start going back and forth with each other man but we had a
20:00
great time and like I said we even did the trivia night once or twice Yeah the trivia night was fun too cuz you didn't
20:08
you sucked Just kidding What What was the trivia
20:14
night Oh just another fundraiser we had for the charity and we still have it on occasion Do you do the uh shotgun shoot
20:22
Oh yeah I I love the uh shoot I haven't seen I can't I can't shoot personally
20:28
because I don't have use of my left arm I tried one time I' I've tried a couple times with one arm No I tried and my
20:35
hook came off and the shotgun went down and hit the ground and went off in the air and I said "That's the last time I
20:41
tried doing a shotgun shoot." They were like "No more." I was
20:46
like "All right yeah you guys win." But so Josh tell us about your family
20:52
life your lifestyle growing up like what was childhood for you What was you know
20:58
Well I grew up with a very very supportive family my mom and dad and I've got a older sister who's four years
21:04
older So she played an integral role in my in my life too Of course she tortured
21:10
me when I was a kid But what older siblings don't I say I can feel that
21:17
Is that it Josh Is that all you got Uh what else do you want to know about my family Well you didn't tell us much You
21:23
just said I grew up with my family They love me and I got a sister four years older than me I don't know what else you
21:29
want to know I don't know man What did you do in high school Did you play sports Yeah I played uh football and
21:35
basketball at Parkway South which is just down the street Fuckway South I went to Segman
21:43
You know your um your listeners aren't going to understand the um St Louis High School rival rivalry nonsense Yeah Well
21:51
you know they'll understand that But so what position did you play in football
21:56
I started tight end in the end Tight end I could see the tight end there Yeah for sure Can you see that guy Yeah I can
22:03
Yeah See I tell everybody that uh Kyle's like my Andy of the Conan O'Brien show
22:09
He just kind of keeps me on track and somebody's got a fulltime job right He
22:14
like comes up with a question but I I feel like he's not coming up with any questions That's because normally when
22:20
we have a guest you guys normally talk a lot and I just sit around and maybe
22:26
chime in just a little because it's about you two and it's not really about me It's about you guys' interactions and
22:33
the stories you guys tell each other So why don't you ask him a question Kyle I have asked him a couple questions Ask him another one Okay What is your
22:40
favorite Todd Nicely story We ask everybody this by the way
22:45
Josh picked us He probably doesn't remember cuz we were wasted We were We were definitely too drunk to remember
22:53
Yeah So he's going to skip that one Okay Well I I don't know what else to ask Well that's a generic question Ask him
22:59
something huh Okay Um what would you want to know about him if you've never met him before Well I mean since I've
23:07
already heard what happened Okay you've already heard what happened but what would you want to ask him if you kind of
23:12
knew his backstory Like what would you want to know about him What would you change about that
23:19
deployment That last deployment Absolutely nothing Absolutely nothing That's a [ __ ] generic question You know we're all going to say the same I
23:25
know I knew he was going to say you're [ __ ] fired man You suck at this That's number two this time God damn it
23:31
I've got a question How about this I'm going flip the script Okay Oh he's flipping the script What would you What would you think if you met me on the
23:36
street Would you walk up to me and ask what happened to you Oh that's a good one It It depends Um now where you at
23:44
Yeah Where are we at And what like am I just passing you on the street Because if if that's if that's what we're doing then no Because I don't talk to anybody
23:50
on the best street Say we're sitting at a bar on the patio or I'm sitting at the bar on the on a patio with some friends
23:55
and you're with you're with Todd Well then hell yeah I'm going to push Todd over there so he can ask you No I mean I
24:03
get what he's saying because a lot of times people just stare and look but it depends What are you wearing If you're
24:11
wearing an army hat or an army shirt then people might ask questions But if
24:16
you're not then it's hard to tell You've obviously never noticed about me that I never wear hats Well yeah you're bald
24:22
Okay Yeah that was a bad one That's an obvious one Todd No obvious Okay
24:28
Somebody asked me why he's wearing an army shirt Say he's wearing an army shirt and you see him at the bar and you
24:33
see him get up What are you going to ask him Okay so there's two scenarios here I either see you note you in my mind and
24:40
just wonder or I sit there for about 10 minutes waiting for the right time and then come up and ask you about it and
24:47
then I would I would I would I would definitely ask you about it if I if the second scenario occurred and then I
24:52
would love to listen to your because I love listening to his stories and his buddy's stories and I would love to
24:58
listen to all your stories too That makes sense That's all you got Oh
25:05
no Well you're the one who asked the question man So I'm waiting for like a
25:11
response from you For example when I'm when I'm out and people see all of
25:19
my scars that are visible on my head they're just like like I don't most of them don't
25:24
even know what to say So they're like I don't want to say speechless but almost intimidated by by the way I look
25:31
And I can see that the rest of me doesn't help with the intimidation Yeah I mean the big the big the bigness of
25:38
you does not help with the intimidation I mean if you're sitting down I think it'd be better But if you stood up you just towering over people Yeah And
25:44
that's very intimidating Like I said that that's why I ask you because with
25:49
me missing all four limbs it's kind of a little obvious that I was kind of in
25:54
some sort of war incident But you see a lot of people with brain injuries and stuff That's why I wondered if you were
26:01
asking the question on you're wearing an army t-shirt or if you're wear because there's tons of brain injuries out there
26:07
and I'm not taking anything away from your army No I know you're not I know you're not But what I'm saying is is
26:13
like a lot of people just go "Oh maybe he was in a car accident." And they just automatically assume that And that's
26:18
unfair That's that's so spot on Todd because you would never imagine how many
26:24
times people would just say "Oh car accident." Huh Yeah And and that's wrong I was in the airport one time when
26:30
somebody said that to me I followed them to the next terminal and I said "Yeah Baghdad car
26:36
accident and I told them the story before they got on their but I mean that's so unfair cuz people
26:42
automatically make judgments about what they see and what they do and it's we're
26:48
programmed like that right And that's completely unfair That's why I said if you were wearing an army shirt that said
26:54
I served or something like that and people saw that they would immediately want to do something for you But because
27:01
you're not they assume that it could be any type of injury For me most people
27:07
assume that it was military because I'm missing all four limbs I mean how often
27:12
I did have a couple people ask me once or twice if I was diabetic or if it
27:18
happened in a motorcycle accident but usually I [ __ ] with people too but it's unfair
27:24
Like why do we got to have a tag that says I was injured in Afghanistan or I was injured in Iraq you know And so
27:31
that's why I was curious how what kind of reactions you get when you go out in public
27:39
I I think I probably don't think about it too often anymore For a long time after my injury I was very cognizant of
27:47
how people perceived me Like what what does this person think of
27:52
me Or am I going to be okay in this environment Mhm Or am I going to be judged if I walk into this room Yeah And
28:01
that happened I had I had a lot of social anxiety because of it Well yeah I mean we all did I'm sure you did because
28:08
like I said you're not the same when you come home You're not you're not you're not I'm not going to say you're not Josh
28:15
because you are Josh To me you're Josh You'll always be Josh To me I'm always Todd but people always say you changed
28:22
after you came home And I'm like "No I'm the same It's just the way people
28:28
perceive people." Well the way you're perceived is true but I I would actually
28:33
argue back against you on that Todd because you're not how do I want to phrase this Go for it
28:40
buddy Just send it full send You're a dick Throughout your life you experienced
28:46
different things So say you were in high school you did something stupid Say you started drinking when you were 17 in
28:52
high school I was 12 Okay So anyway whatever point you
28:57
started drinking that affects the rest of your life Mhm So then we went to
29:03
combat and we experienced some things and those experiences obviously left a mark on us right Be they physical or
29:12
psychological So we came home changed not the same as the way we went
29:18
Does that make sense I mean do you feel the same Because I feel like I'm the same person I was when I left But maybe
29:25
that's because I didn't notice the change I guess it's like having a small puppy and it grows up and then you're
29:31
like "Oh I guess it is getting big." Like you know I I don't know how to explain it but I feel like I'm the same
29:36
person I was when I left I feel like I'm better than the man I was when I left I feel like I'm better
29:43
but I still feel like I'm still an [ __ ] sometimes Well of course you are That goes with being a Marine
29:50
Kyle don't laugh You're fired again Well I was actually going to say yes Yes you are
29:57
Oh man So all right We usually do a segment called Would You Rather
30:04
Kind of like on deployment You know when you would do [ __ ] Mary kill [ __ ] like that Did you do [ __ ] Mary kill on
30:11
deployment No I didn't think so It must be a Marine thing Crowns were involved
30:16
Cuz my guys would be on the radio and be like "Would you rather?" And they start naming off names and you have to pick
30:23
which one [ __ ] marry or kill Okay Yeah I know which game you're talking about now Right But we do would you rather Yes we
30:28
do So would you rather I don't know how to do this cuz
30:35
we don't got the cards Would you rather stick your arm in a horse's ass
30:41
and pull out his constipation
30:47
Or would you rather chew on your fingernails after
30:53
putting your hand in dog [ __ ] Chew on my fingernails After dog [ __ ]
31:01
Really All you had to do is put your arm in a horse's ass but now you're getting dog [ __ ] in your mouth
31:10
I like your answer I'm going with the horse's ass man I I agree with Todd my
31:16
horse's ass There's no way I'm sticking my fingers in my mouth after I did not expect you to pick that one I definitely
31:21
did not I like I was like he's definitely going to pick the horse's ass one because like who wants dog [ __ ] in
31:28
her mouth after putting her hand in it Well this this is my reasoning You stick your hand in a horse's ass What are the
31:34
odds you're going to get kicked in the nuts Oh that's true Not very odd I mean people do it all the time Yeah I mean
31:40
but if he's not ready for it Well you didn't say he wasn't ready You're right We didn't give scenarios So you like
31:46
went the But I'm glad you explained yourself I'm sorry I was overthinking the game
31:54
I should have known better Yeah That's why I love it because there's no scenarios It's
31:59
just What are you going to do We do another shot Do you want to
32:05
take Do you want to take another shot Cuz he obviously does He always wants to take another shot Oh why not All right
32:11
Are you sure Are your mom going to kill I don't want to be killed too Walk down five houses man
32:17
If you fall down walk into the five houses I will army crawl the five houses if you want me to Right Right We will
32:24
make it So in trouble So we got three veterans in the room an Air Force an army and a marine So I want
32:31
some comments on our Instagram on which one you think would [ __ ] make it the furthest when they were drunk
32:37
Well obviously it wouldn't be me I mean I was in the chair for so Well you're talking but you don't have a mic Oh [ __ ]
32:44
You're right Right I told you you had to carry it See that's why you're [ __ ] fired Kyle
32:50
For the third time today you've been fired That's a
32:59
record Oh it got quiet for a minute I You know it's hard to do this sometimes because you got to keep talking to keep
33:05
people's interest up right And it's like draining on the brain sometimes All right here we go Only for a marine
33:16
I can't reach it It's cold
33:23
All right that'll probably be our last Yeah man You got to drive home I've got to drive home Would you stop talking
33:28
about people having to drive after we do these podcasts You're going to get me No I lied We're not driving You're right
33:34
I'm taking an Uber Yeah that's right [ __ ] [ __ ] Gosh Actually I thought
33:39
we were going to walk to his mom's house for dinner We're going to your mom's house for dinner Yeah She wouldn't mind
33:44
You know what's that What's she having I don't know yet You don't know Salad You
33:50
should call your mom and let her come up here for a minute How much time we got Uh we Give me a second Oh god you're
33:57
fired again You're not even on the timer I'm kidding Josh Your mom's not coming up here It's 40 minutes 40 minutes So
34:04
we're at 40 minutes We still got 20 minutes Josh what Yeah What do you want to talk about What do you want to talk
34:09
about I want to talk about how sexy you look right now That is inappropriate Todd
34:17
I like making Josh feel uncomfortable Does he do this often to you It comes
34:23
naturally to Todd Too natural Say that Ma mainly mainly for me Other people
34:29
don't have that reaction to him Yeah We're like oil and water Why do I make you feel uncomfortable
34:36
You're intimidating I'm intimidating You're a 6'4 man 230 lbs I'm [ __ ]
34:43
Well now I'm like 5'2 120 lb You're You're like a third of machine I'm a half the man I used to be
34:51
Still a third machine I mean I'm third It's like not machine It's just It's not
34:56
a machine You're intimidating Todd I know I get that a lot Do you really Well
35:02
no Like he said people stare at me at the restaurants and stuff Well I mean
35:07
a lot of people haven't It was my arm I'm sure it was You know wasn't a fart It let air out But I mean you get a lot
35:15
of stairs Todd because you have no arms and legs So a lot of people have never seen that before Yeah And when I mean
35:21
even when I tell people they're like "What Are you sure?" And I'm like "Yeah I'm sure." Like I You can chime in Josh
35:27
We'd love for you Well the um from my perspective and knowing you as long as I have it's I'm always fascinated by how
35:33
much you can do with no arms and no legs That is very true Well I mean it's not
35:39
like you ever need help with Well I shouldn't say with anything but there's there's times I do I mean prime example
35:45
they don't let me drive You're beautiful parts of my driveway They let him drive
35:51
too much That's for sure I'm surprised they let me drive Yeah me too the way I
35:57
drive I'm I got to say guy was like "Yeah that was a little bit nerve-wracking at first."
36:03
Oh man We We had another guy gentleman on here and Todd drove him around in his
36:08
car and it was the first time he ever met Todd too And so he was very nervous in the in the vehicle with him as he's
36:15
like flying down these curvy roads Well I live on those curvy roads I know Yeah But dude you're a guy with no arms and
36:21
legs and you're you're flying down these roads and he's never even really known you
36:27
Welcome to meeting Todd Yeah I know Adventure It's intimidating It's not
36:32
always an adventure You just never know what's going to come out of my mouth Oh that's for sure Never know what you're going to get right I'm like a box of
36:39
chocolates Oh so I'll pass on those chocolates
36:45
Thank you So here we go Josh Okay So you were injured in what year 2008 2008 All
36:52
right So in 2008 what year did you join 2002
36:59
2002 So you already had six years under your belt before you gone How many deployments Two Two What bases were you
37:07
stationed at I was I was based out of uh my unit was out of Fort out of Fort
37:13
Lmber here in Missouri I was actually in the I was in the Missouri Army National Guard So I had a Oh okay But most of my
37:19
training and my the 35th Engineer Brigades out of out of Leonardwood So
37:24
I other than states side at Leonardwood the only place I was based was Camp
37:29
Liberty in Baghdad And I always hoped I'd make it to another combat theater but I didn't Did you get the opportunity
37:36
obviously So were you like me and wanted to stay
37:41
in for the rest of your life Yeah I planned on being in for 20 years So like
37:47
I'm going to ask you this and this might hurt because for me that was a tough one to swallow I had only done four years
37:53
and I planned on doing 20 And that's what made me angry for a while was like
37:58
I was like I was this was what I was good at I mean did that upset you or Oh
38:04
yeah I didn't I didn't know how to deal with it I said they don't want me anymore But then at a certain point you
38:10
got to look at the cards on the table and say I can't I can't play with this hand You can't play this hand You can't play with this set You can't play with
38:17
these people in the sandbox anymore They're in a different sandbox Right Right And it it sucks And for me I
38:24
couldn't even couldn't even carry my service weapon because of my left arm Well right I don't even think I could carry your service weapon I mean it
38:31
could be strapped to your back I told you I mean you know what we should do Josh You get a backpack I'll sit in it
38:39
I'll carry the machine gun and you just walk There you go We can be like Robocop
38:44
together I'll pull the trigger and shoot and you just walk Have you ever seen that movie Because there's um that
38:51
doesn't sound like Robocop at all Shut up Yes it is Kyle I mean we can make a movie the way we
38:57
want it to be You're right But that that seems more like um what is it The little rascals with the two kids you know on
39:04
top of each other trying to pretend to be an adult We have guns Kyle They don't give guns
39:09
to child children I said like not exactly Oh Kyle's the guy who believes we should give guns to children Well
39:16
that's just words in my mouth that I didn't say Yeah you did You said it was little rascals and I was in a backpack I
39:21
said it was like little rascals What do you think about that I think children should have guns Chime in This is where
39:29
I need you to chime in and defend me There's nothing to defend I'm picking my spot Huh I'm picking my spot I'm
39:35
formulating my thought M it takes me a while with half a brain
39:41
that you used to have to have The man I used to be and you're half the brain you used to be
39:47
But that makes any sense I I'd laugh at that but I can because we know each other Anybody that's listening don't
39:53
laugh at that It's not funny Did you have any uh rituals while you were deploying that you did like every day
40:00
Like any kind of like mantras or habits that you would do No every every time I
40:07
I left the wire in my as the TC of my of my uh we call it an RG31 It's a a um up
40:16
armored mind protected vehicle that was developed in South Africa that we use for our for our route clearance missions
40:23
and I was always the the truck commander of the first vehicle in the patrol So every time we would load up and pull out
40:30
I would be in the front right basically the passenger seat of the vehicle next to the driver And my buddy that was my
40:37
team leader on my first deployment in Iraq had volunteered to come out of retirement and go back with me for the
40:42
second tour And Brad was sitting right behind me the day I was injured Every time we left the wire I
40:48
would reach my hand over my shoulder and get one final fist bump from him and he say he'd say "I'll see you on the other
40:53
side other side of the mission." And then that was the last thing he said to me The day I was injured Brad was killed
40:59
in combat I'm sorry to hear that I appreciate that Definitely I mean I've lost some few
41:04
friends too But I had some rituals myself that a lot of people don't know about Uh my ex-wife I used to have my
41:12
picture in her in in my sleeve and I would kiss it every time before I go out and put it back in my my left arm sleeve
41:21
But uh that's weird because we all got our own thing you know and
41:27
uh it it's hard to try to explain it to civilians and anyone who's listening how
41:33
hard it is to go out there especially when you don't want to I mean I anyone who says that they
41:41
want to go get shot at is an idiot I mean I guarantee you can tell me the same thing Well I'll I'll say they're an
41:48
idiot but I'll also say that I was that guy that wanted to go I was too I put myself out in front of bullets for my
41:55
guys though I didn't want to but I had to
42:00
Let me ask you this Todd Was there was there ever a point where you felt like you were addicted to the adrenaline rush
42:07
of combat I still live for that adrenaline rush of combat I'm still
42:13
trying to find that You'll you'll never find that again Oh I know I know I know
42:20
I'll never find it again But I'm trying to I'm trying to find something that makes me as happy as that Well not not
42:29
only as happy as that but to feel as alive as you did in those moments Well it's not that you feel Okay So to
42:37
explain this to people you don't feel alive while you're getting shot at while the adrenaline is going on It's when you
42:44
come back to the FOB and you're alive that you go "Holy [ __ ] that was [ __ ]
42:50
awesome." Well for for me it was probably different because I I would I was in a
42:57
safe vehicle and I would get detonated on We my my vehicle went over anti-tank mine so we would just basically roll
43:03
through a fireball and I would have that instant realization that I should be dead right now And then I would go "Holy
43:11
[ __ ] I'm not dead This is This is amazing Let's do it again Exactly That's the whole point It's like I should be
43:17
dead right now but I'm not I remember one time I rolled over in a [ __ ] trench and stuck my head up and a
43:23
[ __ ] bullet hit the tree next to me and I got splinters in my face from the [ __ ] tree and I was like "Oh that was
43:28
close." I got back down in the [ __ ] trench I was like "Holy [ __ ] I should have been dead right there." I mean
43:35
that's that's the kind of things that you will you will never feel that that People say adrenaline Yeah I
43:43
mean I've even jumped off of things I've done parachuting You can't replace that
43:48
adrenaline between life and death Definitely not I've I I've chased
43:54
that also since I've been back home I went skydiving and didn't touch it
44:02
But it'll get you in trouble when you chase it won't it Well yeah Well always
44:08
That's why you got to learn that you'll never find that again and that drug is over And a lot of the times it's hard
44:14
for me sometimes to go because for me I don't know about you but when I first
44:19
got injured I lived in my Marine Corps career I lived in it I was like I was a Marine No one will ever understand And
44:26
you went through Focus too didn't you Mhm And that's another program that we speak a lot about But did Focus change
44:32
the way that you think about things and the way that you do things I can't say that it changed a lot for me
44:39
but I went I went through focus at a remarkably different part of my recovery than most guys go through focus right
44:45
Because I had already been I remember when uh when Jay mentioned going to
44:51
focus to me I said I don't need focus First of all does this guy know I'm not a Marine
44:56
right And then I get there I realized it's not just Marines It was a it was a great program So it definitely changed a
45:03
lot for me but it didn't It did but it didn't because I had already felt like I had made a lot of those connections
45:09
through my own recovery Yeah I mean it's it's hard because for
45:15
me I had to have focus If it wasn't for focus I wouldn't be where I was where I am today Like because I was stuck in
45:23
that marine mentality where I can do it on my own I don't need this I can do it on my own I don't need this I don't need
45:30
help from you I don't need help from you I'm going to do it on my own And all it did was cause
45:35
me struggles triumph and pain Well the triumph part not so much
45:42
because I was just going to ask about the triumph part Give me an example of the triumph Well the triumph part was when I did it on my own but it didn't
45:50
happen very often because I couldn't do as much as I
45:55
thought But it was it was horrible Well it's hard to explain Probably hard We
46:02
should explain to the listeners a little bit that as combat injured veterans we come home thinking we can do all these
46:08
things for ourselves still We want to be as independent as possible Well we think we we're the same people as we were
46:15
Exactly And we come hell or higher water we're going to be that person again We're going to
46:21
try but sometimes we can't And that's that's where I learned to ask for help
46:29
I mean how hard is it to ask for help for you I still don't generally ask for
46:34
help I don't either man I really don't Here you guys are advocating to to
46:41
veterans to ask for help and then you're guys like "No I don't do it." I mean it's all about it is No it is I
46:46
understand that After a certain point I've learned like listen I'm not saying that I don't ask for help now I'm saying
46:55
that I get to a certain point to where if I can't do it then I say "Okay help
47:01
me." But before I was like "Fuck it It's
47:07
not getting done I don't I don't care It's not worth asking for help I'm not
47:12
I'm not going to admit that I'm I'm weak too weak to do this myself I'm not going
47:18
to admit not going to admit that I can't." Are you doing that right now though Am I Yeah No no Okay that's what
47:24
I was asking That's good then Cuz the way you sounded came up it was like you you were sounding like you were saying
47:30
that But I understand what you're saying now Like that's how you feel It's like I'm not weak I I'm not doing
47:38
this I'm not asking for help And that's how we both felt Right Right
47:43
Well neither of us wanted to feel like we were helpless Right And a lot of
47:48
times I felt like a burden Did you not Well definitely Exactly And that's the point is like we
47:55
come home and we're injured and we're not the same people and now all of a sudden we got to have people helping us
48:00
all the time and you start to feel like a burden like everybody's but it's like you're that's that's how we feel people
48:09
That's not who we are That's how we feel Cuz we were warriors at one time We
48:15
were shooting at people We were You guys still are warriors Like that's no joke You guys might think
48:21
you guys are past warriors but you guys are still warriors We're just injured warriors Exactly Well that's Yeah that's
48:26
not something that goes away Exactly No it doesn't Oh I guarantee I'll still shoot you in the face if you try to break into my house For sure Not if I
48:33
stab you first I'm not going to lie I'll I I shot myself in the chest with a revolver I'm pretty sure I can shoot you
48:38
in the face with a revolver I don't know man We'll see
48:44
You better be faster than a cat Maybe I am I doubt it Me too
48:51
I'll just use the cable I just looked at Josh's face and it was like uh what am I supposed to [ __ ] say here I do have a
48:58
I have a question So I know that Todd got tricked into going to focus Were you part of that group that tricked him into
49:04
going to focus I was not No you were not Okay He wasn't tricked after No no not him I'm talking about tricking you into
49:11
going focus cuz I heard it was like a group of people The first one of the group of focus guys that went to or the
49:18
first one the JCS guys went to focus Oh I didn't know that Yeah they tricked me into going to focus Yeah they
49:24
straightened up They started sending That's what I'm wondering I thought you were part of that Was JCS the they Huh
49:30
Who was the they You know who the they was No No we really don't Charlie and
49:36
Matt Cutler and uh Mabberry Well that's a that's a
49:44
that's a good group That's a good group of they right there brother And for anyone who doesn't know Mayabbury he
49:50
used to play for the St Louis Cardinals and he was also a batting coach for the Cardinals I think he went to Kansas City
49:55
Yeah he he went to Kansas City for a while and was the manager right So he's
50:00
a good dude to know But um have you heard that story How they tricked him Have I heard it
50:07
Yeah No let's hear it Tom Yeah let's hear it Tom They told me that I was going to get to drink beer and blow stuff up
50:14
That gets me every time now I was like "Fuck yeah I'll go." I got there and they go "That doesn't happen here." I go
50:22
"Son of a [ __ ] I got [ __ ] swindled."
50:27
But you needed it You asked me ear asked me earlier Todd why why I chose to join the army What They You asked me earlier
50:34
why I chose to join the army Why They They told me I could drink beer and blow stuff up
50:40
But I guarantee you got tricked too I don't know I'm pretty sure he got to do it Did you drink beer and blow [ __ ] up
50:47
Exactly Did you drink beer while you were overseas No of course not I was going to say so you got tricked too Well
50:53
he didn't say overseas You got So I got tricked into going to focus You got tricked going in army And I'm glad I I
51:02
don't know man He He still drank beer and blew [ __ ] up It just might not have been at the same time I don't I don't know if I'd say I was
51:08
tricked Okay But they told you you got to drink beer and blow [ __ ] up And he did He got to blow [ __ ] up and drink
51:16
beer Just not while he was just overseas We did that We did that at Litter Blood Okay I was thinking it like freaking
51:23
overseas Okay Now cuz I've actually never been deployed but I've heard that
51:29
there that people sneak alcohol over there all the time Is that true Oh yeah It's available Um Um
51:36
No I want to hear these stories Thank you No Well then I want to hear stories from you I'm kidding Go ahead Josh
51:43
It's available if you want it You can get your hands on it Did you ever read it I did not personally know I was too
51:48
involved in the mission Okay For us it was not cuz we didn't get packages We lived in houses too far away to get
51:55
packages Oh okay So there I don't know if I can believe any one of you guys right now Well no
52:03
I've heard stories of people uh cuz they used to open up the boxes and stuff and
52:09
look at the Listerine bottles You could buy the brown ones and you could poke a hole in it drain it out and then use a
52:15
syringe to fill it with Jack Daniels and then cover up with super glue Send it out Bottle of [ __ ] booze Oh no I I I
52:23
didn't mean packages from home Yeah I was I was thinking just anywhere
52:30
I never found any alcohol in any country I was in In Iraq there were uh in the markets
52:37
there was there was whiskey Oh yeah Well in [ __ ] Afghanistan there was opium and [ __ ] marijuana and Xanax and
52:44
whatever you could get your hands on Yeah I mean there was You didn't play those games right Todd Uhhuh You didn't play
52:51
those games right Nope I was in charge
52:56
Now did you have any calming down tricks Like I know he listened to music whenever he got back from the wire Did
53:02
you have anything to calm down Music was big for me I always listen to music Did you have a specific song that you
53:07
enjoyed Not specific song I I have playlists that I would listen to that
53:12
were just kind of calm me down Okay Did you have one before you went out too I did Yeah that's what I'm talking about
53:19
Let me guess Let the bodies hit the floor was on there It's bodies but yeah go for it That's what I said Bodies He
53:25
did He didn't say bodies He said "Let the bodies." That's Let the bodies hit the floor The song is called Bodies
53:31
though I'm just saying I was singing the song Kyle You're fired again You fired
53:36
me for nothing this time Let me guess that was on the playlist It was Yeah everybody had that one on the playlist
53:42
It's a great song actually Well especially if you're getting ready to go out and shoot people I mean what kind of
53:48
music would you listen to um on your playlist for your calm down period
53:53
I had I had some jazz on there just to kind of relax Okay Jazz Really I didn't
54:00
see I didn't I don't see him as a jazz guy Well that's because you're judging him by his the cover You know you are
54:06
completely right I'm judging him as a 6'4 230 lb man Uh brick house Yeah brick
54:13
house Stacked brick house I think we're making him uncomfortable
54:19
right now We're blushing Yeah he's really red His head is like red
54:25
too But uh I think we're reaching that point to where we're going to kind of call this a night Josh do you got
54:31
anything you want to talk about Anything you want to say I think we covered it all Yeah You think so Oh I sure there's
54:36
more I'm sure you'll be back Oh I'm sure If you insist I'll come back Oh Oh if I
54:42
insist You insist and bring the screw ball I'll bring more screw ball Trust me that's
54:47
our thing Screw ball We're trying to get sponsored by them and so we have to say that screw ball was delicious Screw ball
54:54
Yeah just say it for me Josh Say screw ball was delicious Screw ball was delicious Thank you All right so we're
55:00
going to run this down Here's a list of organizations that have helped me out throughout my way And then after that I'm going to throw it to Josh for
55:06
organizations that might have helped him For any veterans that are out there listening I'm going to go with JCS
55:13
Joshua Chambling Society Then we're going to go Tunnels of Towers They build homes for helpless veterans and all that
55:19
stuff Gary Senise does the same thing Then we're going to go with simp
55:25
fun They help do uh ah [ __ ] I lost my train of thought
55:31
Anyway simp fun And then you have Champ Dog Assistance They gave me a dog to
55:38
help me with my needs He's a service dog And then we have here's a big one that
55:43
most people don't know about There's something called the veterans curation program And the veterans curation
55:51
program actually brings veterans in to give them job skills And you get paid
55:56
for it People go find it out Go find it Veterans go look for it There's a tons
56:01
of resources There's tons of [ __ ] people you can find You just have to dig for it if you want it Am I leaving it Oh
56:09
yeah I'm leaving out um Warf Fighter Engage They build uh gaming rigs Gaming
56:15
rigs for people who still want to game and can't seem to do it for injured
56:20
veterans Um anyone else Kyle No that's all I can really think of too Okay Oh focus Did you mention Focus I'm going to
56:27
take it to Josh Josh do you have any um uh organizations that could have veterans Joshua Chain Society here in St
56:33
Louis or in Nashville or in Houston There you go I've got uh Focus Marines
56:39
here in St Louis Focus Oh I forgot focus I was mentioning that actually But I got so many of them
56:47
I forget Now if anybody for some reason you know because we have a very small following right now wants to get a hold
56:53
of you Josh how would they do that Where could they find you Um could they find you on like Instagram or Facebook I'm on
57:00
Facebook I'm not on Instagram Um what about Twitter I'm not on Twitter either
57:05
Okay What would they How would they find you on Facebook then No don't do that and he doesn't want to give out his personal Facebook Okay Well then that's
57:11
acceptable Well you know he's going to be I don't want to give out my personal Facebook You know that's fair But you know he is just search my name on
57:18
Facebook That's true But they don't know how to spell it Yeah It So go ahead I
57:23
mean if only if you want to But eventually he will if he because you know you're about to become a celebrity with your book right So you're going to
57:29
need a a tag for Instagram and Twitter and and and Facebook like your own Start doing all that [ __ ] one of these days Or
57:36
you know pay somebody [ __ ] you guys ain't doing that [ __ ] I don't want no one to know about me
57:42
Just read your publisher wants me to have a website I'm like I don't know about that You have to man I the same
57:47
thing like I was like I do not want people to find me And then I started
57:53
doing this and streaming on video games and stuff and I had to have a stream
57:59
Instagram and Twitter This sucks My head exploded All right So
58:06
then if Josh has nothing else I'm going to give it back to Kyle on where you can find when does the [ __ ] end So here
58:11
we go You can find us on Twitter or Instagram and also on YouTube and it is when does the [ __ ] end all one word
58:17
and [ __ ] is fry y And that's the end folks We'll see you next
58:23
[Music]
58:33
time [Music]
58:45
[Music]
58:51
Heat [Music]
58:57
Heat Heat Heat [Music]
59:09
[Music]



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