From Tubing to Thongs: A Wild Catch-Up

In this wild and unfiltered return episode of When Does the [ __ ] End, host Rob Jones and Kyle Laramie catch up after a long hiatus. From shoutouts to veteran organizations like Warfighters Engaged and the Gary Sinise Foundation, to tubing on Lake Kincaid without hands, this episode covers it all.

They dive into hilarious and NSFW "Would You Rather" questions, awkward parenting moments, and even throw some love toward Screwball Whiskey. Oh—and yes, Kyle had a baby, and Rob became a bronze god in Myrtle Beach.

👉 Expect some real talk, a few inappropriate jokes, and raw perspectives from two veterans living life on their terms.

Viewer discretion advised.
Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, and wherever you stream.

#Veterans #ComedyPodcast #WhenDoesItEnd #ScrewballWhiskey #DarkHumor #NSFW

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Twitter:    https://twitter.com/WDFKRYE
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLK1ho6AACjaEoQGWO2f_uQ

Transcript

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0:08

[Music]

0:14

right everybody welcome to another episode of When Does the [ __ ] End um sitting here with Kyle Laramie and we're

0:22

going to go over some stuff i usually run down through a list of organizations that have helped me through my process

0:29

of healing and all that good jazz and one of them is War Fighters Engaged

0:34

another one screw ball first oh yeah we usually do do screw ball first yes we do man okay well I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm

0:41

sorry i'm jumping we haven't done one in a while i I know it's it's been a while it has cheers cheers score to screw ball

0:48

screw ball oh that was delicious and smooth screw

0:55

ball so if anybody knows anybody that works at Screw Ball please tell them that I endorse them every episode every

1:01

episode yeah every episode uh but uh what's good um so I'm

1:08

getting ready to do my podcast here and so we've got a lot of different social platforms going on right now so if you

1:14

listen to this episode down the road you're going to be a little confused but I think we need to find a camera that

1:22

eventually does podcast live on like YouTube or something so people can watch that

1:29

um so who invited me to go live together i want to I want to I want to

1:36

give me a chance a bunch of people are um so anyway I run down a list of

1:41

organizations that have helped me out throughout my uh recovery of my injuries i lost all four limbs in Afghanistan if

1:48

you're unaware but we have the Serify Fund yep they help Marines sailors

1:54

soldiers whoever joshua Chamberlain Society i've already mentioned war fighters engaged um I have tunnels to

2:03

Towers they build home for wounded veterans gary Senise Foundation to see that one they do uh everything they do a

2:10

lot they do a lot there there's there's a lot of organizations that I could run through but people do your research

2:15

before you donate because a lot of these organizations that I'm talking about do at least 90% of what they make coming in

2:22

goes back to the veterans in the community and that's key because a lot of a lot of foundations all over the

2:28

place not just heroes don't go back to what they're supposed to be doing you

2:33

know no your sister's pregnant congratulations congratulations which brings me to another point Kyle which is

2:40

why we haven't been doing a couple of these uh podcasts for a while is you just had a baby oh yeah man it's it's

2:47

it's it's great this will be my third kid first one with the new wife my favorite wife of course uh just so if

2:54

she's listening you know uh I mean C-section all three of my kids have been

2:59

C-sections which is weird um had them had full head of hair like

3:05

his hair is like growing down to his forehead it's weird it's a lot of hair he's got a lot of hair oh man it's so

3:10

much hair but the cool thing I'm going to say which is might not be so cool is she had a C-section so the vagina is

3:16

still the same yes it is yes it is you know what she said to me too what she was like "That means we can have sex

3:22

quicker." And I was like "Yeah yeah you're right you're absolutely right." You You are definitely right and it's going to feel just the same exactly no

3:29

heads popped out of that [ __ ] thing i have never had a woman that has had a head pop out you know so oh I got to

3:36

invite this guy who's this guy he's a old war veteran man i follow him and he

3:44

he said the other day scrolling through ticks like it's like going through Walmart you never know what you're going to see

3:52

i hope he comes in got I wish there was a way that I could get him to uh for

3:58

people to see him but it's not going to happen this is going to be a weird episode because I'm I'm streaming on different platforms here we got like

4:04

three different platforms going on tik Tok and uh

4:10

all kinds of things going on twitch Tik Tok and then our normal podcast going on i mean what's been going on in our lives

4:16

lately i don't think a lot of people know we don't have a guest this week so no we don't it's kind of weird it is it

4:21

is and you know it's been so long since we've done one we have to get back into the flow of things you know right we

4:26

really do and I just went on vacation in Myrtle Beach yeah and how was that uh I

4:32

turned out to be a bronze god of course i mean always tan you look like a

4:37

leather notebook i mean you know you never know what's

4:42

going to happen ever like but I did have this dog tag made there that was amazing

4:48

and uh on the front of it they laser engraved a picture of my children okay and on the back side they laser engraved

4:56

a picture of my buddy i lost in Afghanistan do you have this i would love to post a picture on our social

5:01

media account i do have a card and they do send they do mail it to people oh so

5:07

you don't have it right now no I have I have the dog tag okay well then Well the necklace I had it on broke so I it's

5:14

sitting on my nightstand right now but I can take a picture of it the people that did it you can have this done by them i

5:21

can we can post the uh the Yeah the card business card on our on our website heck

5:28

yeah or on one of our social media platforms oh for sure mixed screw ball with blueberry Red Bull you can thank me

5:34

later uh yeah we've done that with what what was that called we we did it with the the jelly the the grape jelly grape

5:41

jelly flavored liquor something like that yeah yeah it came in a weird bottle that looked like perfume it wasn't bad

5:47

it wasn't bad at all it wasn't but we're we're trying to get you know sponsored by Screw Ball yeah we're trying to get sponsored by Screw Ball we're not trying

5:54

to uh sponsor anybody else yeah not yet anyway you know maybe we have like

5:59

10,000 listeners you know i see i'm trying to read these and do

6:05

this podcast at the same time and I don't feel like it's going to be the very effective okay but at the same time

6:12

people are in here right now it'll make you laugh hard have okay so on Tik Tok man you can find

6:21

a lot of things and one of the things I found earlier today made me laugh my ass off and you may have gotten it in the

6:27

thing i have not seen it yet though okay so it was one guy and I'm I'm quoting

6:32

someone else's words here when I say I feel bad for the parents and the special

6:38

sexual ed teachers when they have to explain the birds and the bees because then you got to explain the birds and

6:44

the birds the bees and the bees the birds and the bees the birds that were bees the bees that were birds and then

6:51

the bees that look like birds and the birds that look like bees but still [ __ ] have stingers yep

6:58

i mean come on that's what our society has come to and it's so crazy it is so

7:04

crazy it's insane it It's insane but it's okay if everyone

7:10

can just come aboard with it you know what I'm saying okay like I don't hate it okay for say but

7:20

it's just confusing i have to say that uh I don't believe it's gender i think it's your sexual orientation your sexual

7:27

orientation yeah I believe that too okay sexual orientation i get it yeah it's whatever you want who cares i don't care

7:34

right i don't care either but here's the problem is that I've come

7:41

this is my own opinion mhm i'm not going to push this on anybody else of course

7:46

but I've come to realize that some of these people that do these things they

7:52

don't want to be singled out but yet they're singling theirelves out oh yeah or that's Yeah yeah it does like they

8:00

they have their own community by singling themselves out but they don't want to be singled out yeah mhm does

8:07

that make sense it No it does it It really does i I'm not hating on it mhm i

8:13

I'm good for you do what you do whatever happens in your bedroom is

8:18

your own [ __ ] thing yeah as long as everybody says yes

8:24

but sometimes no means yes and we all know that then then there's normally in those situations there's safe words yeah

8:31

exactly and that by that point it's not saying

8:36

yes or no you it's you know it's already it's there's a safe word and they know

8:41

there's a safe word if they say the safe word and and it's still going that's when it's it's not you know right that

8:48

that's when it's no no bueno yeah no bueno yeah i went from like 76 viewers on Tik Tok to like one

8:58

and I've got like one viewer on Twitch right now so this I mean this is what it is i mean it is it's a startup you know

9:05

that's that's why we we're just talking now okay so I had a baby you went on

9:11

vacation what else uh you said you had something this last week that you did yeah i went down to Lake Concade and I

9:17

actually went tubing again yeah how was it uh it was amazing the fact that I could still

9:24

do it with no hands yeah did you fly off at any point in time oh yeah i flew off like I told my buddy I I gave him the

9:31

circle heads up and I said "Fucking whipped this bitch." And he [ __ ] whipped it and I went but I was scared

9:38

that my nubs weren't going to come out of the handles and I'd be upside down [ __ ] just being trolled along in the

9:44

water but it was uh fun for me not having hands and being able to still

9:49

tube so Mhm uh there's a lot of things that I can do that a lot of people don't know yeah like what name three name

9:57

three yep it's a random number I chose i can still do a backflip on a trampoline oh really yeah off my butt off your butt

10:05

okay okay i think we should record this though we can we can okay i can also do

10:11

rings rings like exercise rings exercise rings yeah I can still do those and I

10:17

guarantee I can do more than anybody else oh you know I guarantee you can do more than I can i mean

10:23

and I can still drive that's true most people don't know that they're now you

10:30

know most people know don't know that I can still drive and I can still pay for my own [ __ ] that's true too but I mean

10:38

you really don't need hands and no legs for I'm like a large child with a [ __ ] goddamn

10:43

[ __ ] allowance i feel like you use the wrong words i would say you are a large child not like

10:50

you are a large child shut your mouth cop now you're fired no you know what i can be fired for that i successful no

10:56

you're done which job am I fired from you're fired from being my friend after that one what dude nothing but your best

11:04

friends can rip you now you're just my brother-in-law okay whatever man screw yourself

11:12

fire me as your friend i was never hired you were never my friend oh then you

11:18

know what you too that's what that means

11:23

so uh we we do this this thing where we uh Do you have the cards i do the would

11:29

you rathers yep all right uh let's do the would you rathers okay and your

11:34

choices are today let's Oh he's pulling them out randomly a little randomly this

11:40

time this time on would you rather would you rather randomly find your dead a

11:46

dead body in your closet or show up to a good friend's wedding wearing only a

11:51

purple thong i think I'd rather find a dead body in my closet that's pretty easy that's

11:58

that's I would agree i mean I would wear a purple thong to my friend's wedding but the curiosity of how the dead body

12:05

got in my closet would drive me more to than having fun in a purple thong what's

12:11

up Szar what's up Szar anybody who doesn't know Solzar he's on Twitch like I said we're

12:17

streaming different P platforms right now it's uh it's a it's a trial run yep

12:24

so we'll see what goes on hey Solzar do you have a would you rather for us oh

12:30

yeah Szar give us a good would you rather not just these random yeah not these random ones from the cards

12:38

sery bad bear monkey mind super super

12:44

well we just says what's up like that's not going to help us okay all right

12:49

would you like to do another one let's do one more do one more uhhuh okay got to get my professional voice on

12:58

too would you rather spend all your free time as religious picker or blow blow a

13:07

horse to completion i would rather blow a horse to completion because I have

13:12

seen the people that are religious pickers that stand outside of [ __ ] the the [ __ ] as being a veteran and

13:19

all those what I don't even know what they're called the Westgate or the Western i don't know what the religion

13:24

is but [ __ ] those dudes yeah okay i know what you're talking about and I agree and you know all of your free time like

13:31

but do I have See this is what this is where the answers get i do i need the

13:37

sperm in my face no it says blow a horse to completion so I can pull off yes yep

13:42

just so completion okay well then I'll take blow horse to completion cuz [ __ ] being a West Winger religion

13:48

[ __ ] who has no open mind [ __ ] that and I mean you know I it might be terrible of me saying this but just all

13:54

of my free time like I don't I want to do something else you know if I just had to blow a horse and then never again

13:59

well no I'm just saying I'd rather blow a horse than be stuck in one mindset well yeah and I know but that's not

14:06

where my head went my head went free time you know I have free time if I all if I spend all my free time doing this

14:13

terrible [ __ ] that sounds like crap and I don't want to do it well right i'd rather blow a horse and have my open

14:19

mind and be willing of people yeah [ __ ] them too salazar salazar by the way you are now the next time we do a would you

14:26

rather you have to give us because you said not on the spot you've got 10 minutes to find one think of it

14:33

solzar and all you people three of you that are here on TikTok thank you for watching but you're live on my podcast

14:39

right now um it drops every Friday usually usually but we've had some

14:46

things come up like we said we were talking about you having a baby and things like that and you took vacation

14:52

you know it was vacation oh and our editor guy got COVID you know it's just

14:58

truckling travel to come live

15:04

traveling trucker who's traveling trucker i don't know trying to invite him and it keeps

15:10

saying block okay I'm not even going to deal with it

15:16

yeah just just don't even deal with it man okay I'm done dealing with it we need We

15:23

need to get back to the show yeah oh I also made my first ever can of butter you know cannabis butter

15:31

and Well we won't talk about where you did that for exactly um Well it doesn't

15:36

matter basically uh it was all legally done and what's what's that one called when

15:43

you can't cross county lines no not cross county lines uh after it's so long

15:51

okay um I know what you're talking about um uh limits um statute of limitation

15:56

there we go so we won't talk about it because Okay that's fair you know I

16:02

don't know i mean it's all legal stuff i have It is legal for you you have a medical card right yes he does yes I do

16:10

yeah so exactly you weren't drinking and driving home either no I I mean I don't drink who does that nobody does that

16:16

let's take another shot let's take another shot but you got to keep it rolling shot you got to keep it rolling

16:22

got to say something can't leave it hanging can't leave it hanging well I'm watching you pour this and if you spill

16:28

it like you did one of the other couple times I'm going to have to fire you again Kyle i don't want I'm tired of

16:33

firing you well then just stop dealing with it you know oh there's my shot

16:40

sitting right in front of me oh boy here we go uh I just want to thank Screw Ball for

16:46

their delicious product szar said Jul thank you Sar for the help way late

16:51

don't have to worry about about that where I am yes you do if it's murder

16:57

Szar no he's talking about the um the medical card oh I'm talking about murder

17:03

yeah cheers another score

17:10

manatee I'm on an empty stomach too oh me too oh I just got It was so delicious

17:17

where do you go for your haircut wherever wherever i I I want you to go to my barber man i'm not picky i wear a

17:23

hat that's fair my barber I want I want barber shops to open up that do shaves

17:28

that My barber does shaves really straight razor hot shave yeah straight razor hot shave yeah does it straight

17:36

dude he even does your your back like uh when you get your haircut he does your lines too straight that's what I want

17:42

because with no hands uhhuh it's hard to shave and my wife gets mad that how

17:47

burly my [ __ ] gets that I need someone to shave my [ __ ] hey Web you don't tell

17:53

us what to do buddy yeah Web you didn't even highlight your message this time

17:58

usually Webb on my Twitch highlights his messages

18:04

gotcha yeah but see people are all confused now because we got all these different people multiple conversations

18:09

the webs slinger is a guy that's on my Twitch and I'm looking at Hydrate

18:15

i Dude we just did bro didn't you just see it yeah we did that for you your

18:21

message came in late yeah yeah yeah that's exactly it and uh don't forget that you need uh would you rather you

18:28

better be figuring out Szar szar if you do not come up with the would you rather you are no longer my friend um actually

18:35

I bet Web has a good one too hey listen to this it's something I haven't pitched in a long time yep britney Britney's

18:41

beef curtains yummy yummy come eat at Britney's beefgurtens.com

18:48

would you rather okay Web yeah Webb's good at these though okay yeah I would i I want

18:55

to hear his good ones actually legend just regime hydrate what the [ __ ]

19:00

guys all we got is shots in here dude i haven't even played with Aki in a long time has never showed up like Okay so

19:06

now we're getting into our Twitch streamer friends and everybody's got to realize that um Aki Legend is one of the

19:13

guys I first started playing with with Kyle and uh so they're all coming in on

19:20

Twitch everybody's coming in on [ __ ] Tik Tok like I gota How many people you got on TikTok right now two two oo

19:27

that's a lot yeah well it was 78 at one point

19:32

i mean I we we we kind of have to redeem that um it's over now i know you'll do

19:38

it we will do it but give us a minute like we just took one and Kyle has to

19:44

get an Uber home so yeah i mean if at this rate Yeah

19:51

oh goodness man okay so where do we move on from here yes

19:57

i don't know you don't know give me something to talk about okay uh tell us a story about young Todd young Todd yeah

20:05

like not obviously not the one with the rope right we've already done that one

20:11

um do you have any What about your first crush do you remember your first crush

20:16

um I do remember my first crush yeah tell us and her name was Heather Adams

20:22

oo little redhead yeah and she was actually my first kiss

20:27

i lived in an apartment building and my brother was talking to they were friends and I think I was like maybe eight nine

20:35

yeah okay and we were sitting on an electric box you mean one of those transformers that

20:42

have the big green ones that are in That's a That's a That's a transformer

20:47

okay then I didn't know that was a transformer they had or they're either the transformers were up on the telephone poles depends on the the area

20:54

some of the Transformers are in the big green ones some of the just the connection but either way we were sitting on that thing and I told her I

21:00

liked her and we were holding hands and this little curly redheaded girl gave me a kiss and I loved it man it was Okay

21:07

okay i I enjoyed that thank you it It was It was great mhm how'd it end

21:13

i haven't seen her since yep i was like 10 minutes later never saw her again nor have I been able to find her yep

21:20

but I think that's my fascination with redheads oh dude i think every every man

21:26

has a fascination with red heads no that's not true no I disagree i think it is a thing and a lot of people try to

21:32

hide it yeah redheads are [ __ ] amazing i love my wife she's not a

21:39

redhead i love my wife and she's not But my first wife was a redhead and I did not know that yeah well she was

21:45

strawberry blonde okay i was thinking she was brunette like Michelle no no no no no she was more strawberry blonde mhm

21:52

god bless her but red I have a I have a

21:58

weakness for red heads yes i like the freckles they're angel kisses i know i

22:03

know they're angel kisses tell me they're angel kisses they're beautiful they're just They have no souls though you know I'd sell her my soul my soul

22:11

i'm kidding i sold my soul for Dr pepper in Afghanistan wasn't even cold was it

22:17

no it's probably been sitting out in the sun all day you know what the funny thing is is the guy who had it after it

22:23

got blown up burned it okay so tell us so there's an actual Dr

22:29

pepper story here then oh dude yeah okay okay so

22:35

in the barracks one of my buddies I'm not going to name names but he's been on the show and there's only three he used

22:42

to write up these contracts that says "I own your soul if you take this from me." And we would sign it we'd be like "Okay

22:49

I did mine for a Dr pepper." Yeah and I was like "I just want a Dr pepper give me a Dr pepper." And he had a Dr pepper

22:55

and he had all these souls in his in his [ __ ] in his sappy plate carrier that

23:02

he just carried around could you sell yourself multiple times no i actually stole George Gettys's from

23:09

him and burned George's okay oh so it's not George that leaves only two left

23:14

boys and girls let's not think about that too much i am but after I got blown

23:20

up he said he got rid of mine so he was like I I don't want to have that okay

23:25

okay okay that's fair but this guy used to write up contracts for souls he was like the [ __ ] devil he would in the

23:31

barracks he would [ __ ] make you charge $7 to borrow one of his DVDs yeah

23:36

I remember you telling me that yeah you know who I'm talking about now yeah I do now yeah h no names of course

23:44

aj Neely so he So was the Was the Dr pepper worth it

23:50

well I at the time don't have a soul right now i mean at the time wasn't worth it i mean you did because he he at

23:56

the time it was so worth it because I thought what could happen

24:01

what could happen yeah so you just drank the Dr pepper yeah did you Did you step on that line landmine like a couple

24:08

hours later like was it that day no it was I signed this at the barracks before we even left oh okay gotcha

24:15

so I think I said in Afghanistan but it was at the barracks before we left okay

24:21

and but the funny thing is I was blown up 25 days after my 26th birthday okay

24:31

okay okay yeah and while we were there at the

24:37

barracks or not at the barracks overseas I had a bunch of boxes coming

24:43

in they were all coming in late and a bunch of them had birthday stuff in it

24:48

for my redhead wife who's crazy and I had a bunch of glasses and stuff and everybody's wearing them having a good

24:54

time like how long after your birthday uh they showed up like 5 days after my

25:00

birthday I would say okay so that's not bad then i think that was good no usually she probably sent it like a

25:05

month early well when I first left the first thing I did was I went to the post

25:12

office and mailed myself three cartons of cigarettes because I knew I was going to

25:18

run out and being downrange that far you don't get to get packages like everybody else

25:27

so when you get a package you cherish it mhm and one night I'm completely

25:34

skipping over my birthday [ __ ] because I'm not going into the sweet dreams thing with George not doing it maybe one

25:39

day we'll talk about it yeah we will we have to now now that you've mentioned it on this podcast we will have to do it

25:45

eventually no we'll have to bring George back for that one yes I'm always okay with that yeah we'll have to bring

25:50

George back love me some George but you get these packages and you open

25:56

them up and a lot of times like it's just people trying to do good nature and

26:01

you get socks and Okay so I got to I got to stop you right I was just thinking to

26:06

myself you got packages from random people then like you actually organizations I was say I didn't know

26:12

cuz I I've never you know talked to anybody that has mentioned that they've actually got it you know I just good

26:18

though they they like toothpaste and toothbrushes and deodorant and we're

26:24

going send us [ __ ] tobacco and dip and [ __ ] whiskey if you can maybe it

26:33

never happened on my deployment when ever yeah because there's no alcohol allowed so nobody ever drink yeah no

26:39

exactly like you get these boxes and you open them up and then half the time it's

26:44

[ __ ] you're not using yeah so what' you do with it did you burn it no we gave it to the kids oh that is that's even

26:52

better man i think that's even better yeah i mean there there wasn't a purpose for us for it yeah but there was a

26:57

purpose for them but we gave it to the kids mhm and the kids would come back be like "Mister mister do you have a

27:03

[ __ ] pen?" Or "Do you have a toothbrush or?" And "Yeah here [ __ ] you got a toothbrush we just give it to

27:10

them." Um on your last deployment did you have a favorite kid that came around

27:16

and or a dog that came around um no and no either time what about your

27:23

first one i've killed a dog because I had to okay i'm not happy about it sorry

27:30

but he was about to attack one of my men mhm and then there was another dog that we called Big Zeus we just stayed away

27:36

from mhm cuz this dude was [ __ ] massive he looked like a wolf times 10

27:42

so you guys didn't have like any dogs that just show up and that you'd feed and pet and [ __ ] no we had a lamb a lamb

27:49

yeah we kept a lamb around for a while did you ever eat it yes that is a yes that is a

27:56

yes was it good but he was a pet for a while what was his name or her name

28:04

his Come on man i want this information the viewers want it come on so just to

28:11

reiterate the truth I don't even remember his name cuz I didn't give a [ __ ] about him they fed the lamb they

28:16

pet the lamb we pet the lamb with they had lamb and then then he had to die

28:27

there it is there we go salazar in okay wait finish that statement again i didn't hear it again my be so was it

28:34

good did it taste good man when you're that hungry everything tastes good yes it was good did you guys

28:41

grill it over we grilled it over a [ __ ] goddamn barbecue pit that we made out of a

28:48

bathtub that we ripped out of the wall and ate your pet lamb and ate our pet lamb

28:57

oh goodness okay we have a would you rather okay let me Would you rather have sex with

29:04

Webster or Gay Coleman gary Coleman that one's a weird one

29:09

would you rather have sex with Webster or Gary Coleman

29:15

i'm going to go with Webster i am too because isn't Gary Coleman the [ __ ] i

29:21

don't know who Gary No Webster is the [ __ ] i was thinking Webbser oh who's the [ __ ] i

29:27

want sex with the [ __ ] there Salazar you got to expand on this names don't

29:32

work with me i I'm not good which one which one's the [ __ ] cuz that's the one I want to have sex with if I have to

29:37

have sex with either one of them I want the [ __ ] can I say can I have sex with

29:42

uh with the [ __ ] while Todd's having sex with the [ __ ] too no you're not allowed no I'm sorry we can Eiffel Tower

29:49

ah I mean we'd be Yeah oh no yeah i was like I was like

29:55

"Oh we can hold them up you know." But then I was like "Wait you're not you don't have to lift." I'm I'm taking the [ __ ] one okay cuz I know one of them's

30:01

a [ __ ] one of them has moment i think it's the [ __ ] has to be [ __ ] we're

30:08

still getting [ __ ] banned for all i know i mean are you already banned because you should probably already be banned i think we're banned

30:15

no I have one viewer live on Tik Tok oh Tik Tok one viewer are you rock dude or dudet yeah dude or dudet like I said you

30:23

just joined my live podcast and um thank you for being here they're like who the

30:29

[ __ ] is this guy yeah who the [ __ ] is this idiot lost my arms and legs in Afghanistan here they are here they are

30:36

i got to tell people this all the time on [ __ ] COD and like and when I say

30:41

COD for people who don't know that's Call of Duty yep but they don't believe it and then they come into my stream and

30:47

then they become a [ __ ] follower yep they're like "Well [ __ ] I actually have to do this man." Right and and I always

30:53

tell people if you win a game you want a game with a guy with no arms and legs hell yeah and I'm a good sniper now oh

30:58

are you oh yeah are you still playing that uh new map uh Fortunes Keep yeah

31:05

yeah still playing Fortune's Keep for a lot of people who don't know no one's going to know no nobody's going to know

31:10

i know we can't fall into a genre where I know that's fair

31:17

but for people who don't know Fortunes Keep is a type of map on Call of Duty which I

31:25

stream on Twitch which is No Limbs 0311

31:31

yes if you would love to come see it we would love for you to come see it you're

31:36

weird when you say stuff after I do okay i mean I always say stuff after you do

31:41

that's literally my job i know but sometimes it's creepy well I'm just going to look into your

31:47

eyes every time now stop looking into my eyes you're going to turn me into stone Medusa

31:54

so where are we at we are at 31 minutes we're only at 31 minutes i know we got 20 more minutes to go we got a long time

32:01

to go like usually they fly by i know it's because we don't have a guest and it's been a while that's true we don't

32:08

have a guest and it has been a while we will do another would you rather while we wait

32:17

okay got to get my voice would you rather call everyone you've ever slept

32:23

with and tell them you have HIV text them JK the next

32:29

morning or have undeniably ugly

32:36

offspring call everyone with it tell him then I had HIV and then just kidding the next morning because no one wants ugly

32:42

offspring i was going to say the same thing but that was only because I I only have to call two people you just had

32:48

offspring i only have two people it's ugly i'm kidding that was very rude that

32:53

was just kidding jk JK JK

32:58

lol i I used to know a guy to go lol dude sometimes I catch myself playing video

33:05

games when I'm playing and I'm like I'll say something and then I go lol and I'm like why did I why did I just say lol

33:12

yep why didn't you just laugh right i mean it's better than saying lol which is lol

33:19

but at the same time I went I said something and then I went lol like I was

33:25

typing it to him yep lol guys I'm typing you lol so just lol just lol another one

33:32

another one and then a shot and then a shot okay well then you have to keep this

33:38

going while Okay i'm keeping it going you You got it you got it you got it okay would you rather kill 10 people and

33:46

get away with it or have a spider crawl in your ear and lay its egg while you're

33:51

sleeping uh I hate spiders kill 10 people and get away with it i mean I feel like that's I've already done that

34:04

i [ __ ] hate spiders i mean but kill kill 10 people and get

34:11

away with it i'm working on my 11th yeah yeah I would agree no fingerprints no

34:18

fingerprint i mean even if you had fingerprints it says get away with it you know i'm already getting away with

34:23

it i know oh man we got to do another one cuz that one was just too [ __ ] cool yep you had a lot anybody that

34:31

anybody was perfect that was my fear and what I'm actually doing in real life so

34:36

yeah i mean but anybody that would choose the spider I don't know if I could ever trust them you know like I

34:42

mean who wouldn't kill dude have you not seen the video of a spider coming out people's ear on YouTube no that's what I'm saying like anybody that chose the

34:49

spider I couldn't trust them you know like that's that person's crazy well no I couldn't choose anybody that would

34:54

want to kill 10 people i wouldn't want to be around and get away with it i mean as long as you're not one of the 10 I

34:59

don't care i would wonder why we weren't already friends exactly there's a club

35:05

for that well Todd we already are hey police i'm

35:11

sorry I didn't kill nobody you're already on their watch list man i know i'm already on the FBI [ __ ] federal

35:17

watch list they're watching my phone everything they have everything bugged oh [ __ ] yeah i'm already an experiment i

35:23

lost all four arms and legs in war and there's only been five of us in the last [ __ ] what 12 years yep obviously

35:31

there's something in my body they want yes your soul it's already been sold for

35:37

Dr pepper that's right okay would you rather show up to every

35:44

job interview smelling like marijuana or have sex with a dead person

35:49

have sex with a dead person i mean how dead is this dead person the only reason I say have sex with a dead

35:56

person is because I've already done the other one every interview you know every every

36:03

interview I don't have to interview anymore yeah that's fair so why not choose that one and which dead person am I having sex with i don't know um right

36:11

we're not allowed to answer these questions i know okay so yeah I I would do marijuana man i I'd do the dead

36:17

person that's fair enough it's fresh you don't know

36:22

never said how long they were dead you never said we don't you know right so I'm saying they're just freshly dead

36:29

maybe it's my wife and I want to [ __ ] her one last time

36:34

i'm sorry Michelle i'm not it's not like she listens to this anyway

36:40

no she doesn't [ __ ] listen to this at all she hates hearing my voice anytime I come into the room she's like

36:47

"Get the [ __ ] out." I'm like "All right oh [ __ ] man oh we're gonna do another

36:52

shot then yeah shot shot shot shot shot shot sh shot

37:00

so I'm going to go through a personal experience that I just had the other day and Kyle you don't know about this and

37:06

um hopefully my listeners will listen if they don't it's good talk therapy man

37:12

i'm here um I've talked to a few people about it but hey the second shot um I don't know if a lot of people know this

37:18

about me i shot first

37:28

score love screw ball it's so good and smooth

37:34

uh but uh I tried to kill myself in 2016

37:40

okay did we talk about this before is this when you shot yourself yeah when I shot myself yeah of course we We We had

37:45

the whole conversation with your mom well you cried i almost cried just Just the other day maybe 3 days ago mhm i had

37:53

a dark moment mhm and I rolled into my room and I was going to grab my gun and

37:59

do it again but it was just for a second and I

38:04

realized that all I had to do was roll out and call somebody yeah

38:11

and this is no joke you can ask Michelle i was literally going to go shoot myself

38:16

in the face the other day and it sucks because I don't know what triggers it i

38:22

don't know what it does i don't know how it works i don't know I don't know the medicine science

38:30

behind it but the crazy thing is is I know that it's been over seven years and it

38:38

happened again and that's what scares me but the fact that I had people I could

38:46

reach out to like focus Marines and my best friends from war and things like

38:52

that was able to draw me out of that and it scared the [ __ ] out of me i'm not

38:59

scared to talk about it you know why because people need to know yeah I agree they do just because you have thoughts

39:06

of that doesn't make you a weak person mhm what makes you a strong person is being

39:12

able to reach out to the people that [ __ ] understand and can listen to who

39:19

you are give them a chance don't just [ __ ] go on impulse and take your own life and that's what I had

39:26

to do when I was in that moment mhm i know it sucks for you to hear right

39:33

now no I'm I'm good but this is the first time you're hearing it

39:39

and it to me suicide awareness is one of the biggest things that needs to be

39:46

talked about especially between veterans and anyone who's served EMS first

39:55

responders listen people these guys see more [ __ ] [ __ ] than you'll ever imagine

40:03

and I almost burped there i'm sorry i I understood that you were about to burp

40:08

he was not getting emotional guys but first responders and veterans have seen more

40:17

[ __ ] than you can ever [ __ ] understand yeah and one day I'm going to get one of my

40:23

buddies on here who's a SWAT member who's really struggling well I think

40:29

he's struggling because I've I've seen what struggling is

40:34

and uh hopefully he'll come but you know they didn't have to leave

40:39

home to get shot at they're getting shot at in their own [ __ ] city yep so this is real

40:46

[ __ ] i'm sorry that our podcast took a twist from fun uh crazy who's saying this isn't fun

40:56

it's not fun you're fun funniest guy i love you love you too

41:06

britney's Beef Curtains i'm sorry did I hear you britney's beef

41:13

curtains britney's beef curtains say it again britney's beef curtains and you're

41:20

more say it as like an ad britney beef curtains here they

41:26

are come on down to see Britney's beef curtains wait till I tell her there's a

41:32

whole segment about her she's going to be like "God those

41:38

idiots." Yeah exactly exactly have I met this person i don't even know this

41:43

you've met her it's one of Michelle's friends it It's an inside joke between me and her and she wanted me to do it on

41:49

the podcast cuz she listens all the time or she said she does no she does okay i know she does cuz she always asks me

41:56

when the next one's coming okay next one's coming when I come on your face oh

42:01

oh or your back yep or in your butt oh we don't do that around here no we don't

42:09

i don't come in anything cuz I don't have babies that's true

42:17

okay uh we're at 42 minutes so we're at 42 minutes and there's one thing that I

42:25

would really like to talk about okay go for it shoot i never said I would do political [ __ ]

42:32

oh man you're crossing some territories here i know i never said that I would do

42:39

politicians [ __ ] or news media [ __ ] it's all crap

42:44

okay but here's the thing biden is about ready to spend $7

42:52

billion on Ukraine okay can we not use that on our own

43:01

homeless oh yeah or anything you know why are we fighting Ukraine's war i know

43:07

if if we're we're spending this kind of money I mean we might as well be there i know I'm going to piss a lot of people off by doing this

43:13

but you know what it needs to be said yep because now he's making embargos with Mexico why

43:21

on trade deficits for the border oh my god

43:28

so he's spending $7 billion on Ukraine which he has bank accounts in yes in

43:36

case people didn't know but now he's

43:43

also making deals with Mexico about the border

43:52

you're right we shouldn't get into this i don't want to get into this let's move on i don't want to get into this i just

43:59

want people to know that's fair okay we're not going to debate about it no

44:04

we're not there's no one to debate about it with exactly it's just the question

44:11

of who do you believe when do you start to believe anything

44:17

it's very true okay well let's move on to another great

44:23

topic your high school sweetheart tell us about her Todd my high school sweetheart

44:30

uh I can't if you had one i don't even know i can't no why can't you cuz my wife won't hear this your wife won't

44:37

hear that she never even My high school sweetheart didn't even go to high school

44:43

she was 21 i was 17 oh my goodness right

44:48

why was she dating a 17year-old because I was [ __ ] cool sure

44:56

[ __ ] off i used to have sex with her in my mom's van on lunch break well in your mom's

45:03

van she must have been a keeper then she had a kid you're not helping yourself at this

45:10

point i don't care i I'm a rescuer i like to rescue women who are struggling

45:16

in life don't tell me your sister wasn't i am

45:22

not stating anything on this subject tony Davenport

45:31

todd no names man i should have done that no names i shouldn't have done that [ __ ] you Tony Davenport you're a piece

45:36

of [ __ ] oh god cease and desist letters here ceased

45:41

and desist where's your clicker oh no I don't it's in there I think no

45:48

he's a piece of [ __ ] no we're not talking about this Todd no not on this

45:54

podcast not right now okay how Tell us about your high school

46:01

years Todd my high school years yeah uh I ran track played football you ran

46:06

track yeah I used to run the quarter i ran the 800 and I ran the 400 really i

46:13

ran the 400 52 seconds and I ran the 800 in No wait i'm getting that

46:20

backwards hold on let me think about it no yeah I ran the 452 seconds and I

46:28

ran the 8202 okay 800's two laps

46:33

800 Sue laps damn in the Marine Corps I ran three

46:40

miles in 18 minutes you know I walked a mile in 16 minutes but you know what

46:45

people [ __ ] always went "How did you do that you smoke a [ __ ] pack of marbles a [ __ ] night you [ __ ]

46:52

drink a 30 case of beer every night." And I went "Well you know what you wake up hung over and you just do what you

46:59

got to do." Yeah just got to just got to go right i'm not kidding i once ran

47:05

three miles in 17 minutes and 57 seconds that's a six minute mile average

47:15

yep i used to be a specimen yeah i mean

47:20

what happened i stepped on a bomb you lost a You instantly lost a lot of

47:26

weight i instantly lost everything when I lost the ability to walk not your sense of

47:33

humor no they didn't take my mind yet

47:38

they never Whoa they tried they tried they never say never that's That's genius man hey they

47:45

tried you You can talk to your sister they tried to take my mind but they didn't was it because your uh

47:52

drug dealer was a doctor shut up my drug dealer was a doctor no that

47:59

honestly that song got me off me off my opiates i know and I love that song now uh by I think about you every time uh

48:09

God I can't think of his name i can't either but he was like "My drug dealer was a

48:15

doctor." Doctor yeah i was going to look it up on my phone but my phone's being used right

48:21

now yeah it's McLemore mclemore yes that's what I was going to say man but you know you beat me to it he actually

48:27

got me off my opiates thank you Mmore yeah like when I heard that

48:32

song I was so addicted to opiates that it wasn't even funny

48:38

and I mean it's never funny but Yeah no it wasn't funny at all i was buying them off the streets i was doing what I could

48:44

to get my fix yeah but when I heard that song I switched to guess What

48:54

uh cow patties weed oh marijuana got me

48:59

off my opiates oh okay well I figured you would know that why

49:05

why would you figure that i don't know i was thinking pizza toppings no no no no

49:11

those got me that that got me off of methamphetamines oh okay

49:16

yeah people don't know a lot about me do they i'll say we've never really talked about this Todd right they haven't i

49:22

mean we're getting to know this is us getting to know each other todd getting to know Todd nicely getting to know Todd

49:29

nicely today here we go ask any question you want i have zero viewers on Tik Tok so I'm [ __ ]

49:36

Tik Tok shut this [ __ ] down

49:42

actually [ __ ] it leave it open i don't give a [ __ ] hey guys what up for the

49:47

zero finish but see this is a lot of things that a lot of people don't know about

49:52

veterans is I'm a strong-minded person i can I can push myself to the limits

50:00

and most veterans can live stream suspended that's why we had no viewers

50:07

i got [ __ ] suspended again for what i don't know i don't know uh the

50:15

political talk it was probably taking or the shots

50:20

that's why we never do Tik Tok whatever [ __ ] Tik Tok man chinese company no one

50:26

[ __ ] gives a [ __ ] mhm

50:32

i did i I'm at I'm at the point Kyle where we're at 50 minutes and I could go

50:37

into my drug abuse history but that sounds like a dark and dirty path that

50:43

we should leave it more lighter since we've already touched on crappy subjects already right yeah we have how about we

50:50

end it on would you rather we end it on a would you rather but people you will learn about me i'm

50:57

not scared don't worry I am he is cuz he

51:02

doesn't even know this much about me now I do would you rather So do they oh you

51:08

got me there would you rather work on the receiving end of a glory hole what whoa whoa whoa

51:16

whoa glory hole what's the glory hole it's the hole in the bathroom that you somebody sticks their penis in no no no

51:22

what is the glory hole that is the glory hole define glory hole it's the hole in

51:28

the bathroom wall that people stick their penis in and they get jerked off okay okay so would you rather work on the

51:36

receiving end of a glory hole or wait nope never mind go or call your parents

51:45

your partner's mother right after you have sex every time she tells And we've already heard that one no I haven't yeah

51:52

or would you rather call your your partner's mother right after you have sex every time to tell her how it was

51:59

you know what you would do that one you're fired because if those are the ones that we've already heard you

52:05

weren't doing your job no so I got to pull You got to pull another two no no i have to explain the other one wasn't

52:11

this one the other one was tell your parents pull another two come on but the other

52:17

And you're fired i'm not no I can't be fired for that one cuz Yes you are no [ __ ] you then that if that's the same

52:23

thing no it's not the same it's not the same thing how are you putting them back in the same [ __ ] thing i'm not look there's a separation Kyle dude the last

52:32

one that we did was your parents this one's talking about your partner's mother well obviously I'm going to

52:38

[ __ ] call my partner's [ __ ] parents but mother you're going to do that one i told Lori today I want to

52:44

[ __ ] her your daughter i know i knew you'd choose that one just cuz you want to tell my my mother yeah just to piss

52:51

her off just to piss her off just to piss her off didn't even matter what the other one was the other one could have been like getting by she changed her

52:56

name from Laura to Lori to Laura to Lori I don't know how many times okay

53:03

hey Kyle I like your mom more than you do i would disagree i love my mom you're

53:09

only saying that because it's on the air uh no i do love my mom you're a liar i am not a liar i love my mom why do I see

53:17

her more than you because she comes over and visits your wife all the time liar

53:24

that's not a lie you guys live close together and she comes over liar you know what you can believe whatever you

53:29

want would you rather be required to wear a butt plug for 22 hours every day

53:36

wait what what read that one again would you rather be required to wear a butt

53:42

plug for 22 hours every day should I get two break only two i get a two-hour

53:49

break yes okay what's the next one or eat a 6 portion of scabs

53:58

oh man i'm going to go with the butt plug this one's Yeah this one's got me

54:03

[ __ ] I'm going with the butt plug bro because I mean after the first day you're probably used to it right you

54:09

know what I mean i'm not eating scabs yeah no there's a [ __ ] way no I'm not doing it i'm not doing it no there's All

54:16

right ladies and gentlemen and with that we're going to [ __ ] cut this off we're going to make this a night yep and

54:23

don't forget Kyle go ahead don't forget to find us on uh all of our streaming platforms andor uh social medias which

54:30

is YouTube Twitch and Twitter and where does the [ __ ] end when does the

54:36

[ __ ] damn it and [ __ ] is spelled f k r [Music]

55:01

y [Music]

55:07

[Music]

55:17

Heat heat [Music]

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[Music]