Mohan Kumar on Coming Out, Coming Home, and Queer Joy

Episode 6 of Under the Brown Rainbow welcomes Mohan Kumar – a queer immigrant navigating coming out, breaking stereotypes, and building safer community spaces in Sydney. His pronouns are he/him.

In this conversation with host Kashif Harrison, Mohan shares his coming out journey – from years of believing he'd be ostracised, to choosing emigration as a path to live authentically, to finally telling his mum during a trip back to India. He talks about the relief of his sister's "You're my brother, end of story"; the layered process of his mum's "So what?" followed by months of patient conversations; and why coming out, in his experience, isn't a single event but a years-long unfolding.

We also talk about navigating life as a brown queer immigrant in Australia at a time when those identities feel increasingly under scrutiny; why he started running badminton, bouldering, and walking groups for queer South Asians (because not everyone wants the party scene); and the stereotype he most wants to break — that all our stories are sad. Plus a glimpse at his upcoming project, Coming Out, Coming Home: an audio series telling stories of culturally and linguistically diverse families who accepted their queer children.

Under the Brown Rainbow is hosted by Kashif Harrison and produced by Kunal Mirchandani. Presented by Trikone Australia.

Transcript

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The way this podcast has come to be is through the queer community. Your love, appreciation. We love it all. And can I just say it was such a surprise going to Spotify wrapped for 2025 and seeing all the love that you've given us. Oh my goodness. So keep on showering that love on us in 2026. And just before we continue, I do want to let you know that this podcast is brought to you by Trikone Australia. So today on the show I've got someone who is very, whenever your name pops up within the community or whenever this person's name pops up in the community, people find love. People talk about with such positive regards, and it's just this positive energy this person has. I'm pretty sure you know him already. And if you don't? Well guess what? We're going to introduce you to Mohan Kumar, who is a queer immigrant navigating, coming out, breaking serotypes and building safer community spaces. Mohan. Welcome to the show. That was so kind of you, Kashif. It's a pleasure being here to be able to share my side of story and my perspectives. If it helps anybody, that'll be great. Of course, even just you being here, I feel it'll help people. And I want to welcome you in all arms in this glory of the brown rainbow. And today we're going to be talking a lot of things I feel are so important in 2026. You know, people ask me that, why is it so important being this advocate for queer all the time? Why do you want this queer word or just being gay or just being homo? You know all of that. Why is it so important to even till now, it's 2026, by the way, right? But it's so important to keep that conversation going. Why is it important? I believe vast majority of people are having challenges accepting the queer community. Just because we are different and because there is lack of awareness, lack of understanding of who we are, and they see us as different and anything that is different, it is a general perception to consider it as a threat, and that is why it is more important for the conversation to keep flowing so that there is more discourse and there is more awareness. And when people learn more, there will be much more embrace. Even when I was coming out, some of my friends hadn't really heard back in India, and they came up with a lot of questions to understand and their views and perspectives changed, which was sweet. So I believe more conversations and more discourse and raising more awareness and shouting queer as much as possible, and being as gay as you can be is very important in a world which hasn't yet embraced people as who they are fully. Yeah, so I believe that is why we have to keep going. Exactly. Keep that conversation happening. Keep talking about. Yeah. And obviously you mentioned you're coming out journey with me off air. And now we will talk more about it. So maybe let's start with that because I feel that's such a positive beautiful story. And I'm pretty sure that someone who's listening to us right now who may be having that question that, hey, listen, I'm planning to tell my mom, oh, my dad or my sister or my brother. And as gays, you know, we go to the, you know, extinction, you know, worst case scenario, where Godzilla and Kong are fighting the world, and that's our parents, basically. So we go all the way to that mindset. But then what happens is completely different. So let's start off with your coming out story. So last year let's just let everyone know. So you went home right? So take me through what made you think about what what was your mindset when you were going home and you were thinking that, hey, I might say, I might not say. And then what happened? So talk us through. Okay. So I want to start with a small clarification. I think many people think that coming out is a one time event which happens and then it is done. But in my view, like at least in my coming out journey, it has been over years. And I think first we come out to ourselves. When we come to terms with who we are, because there was a phase where we are not sure we don't fully understand ourselves. So it takes us time to come to terms with who we are and to tell ourselves that, okay, this is me and I accept myself. And then the journey starts because there's always this element that you may lose the person, you may lose the relationship. And back in India, I grew up in India, and while growing up, I always felt that I'll be ostracised, I'll be thrown out of home and I have to fend for myself. And that kind of pushed me into being financially independent and having to protect myself. So work hard, ensure, you know, get good grades, get a good job and perform well so, you know, you have reputation and you can keep earning and be financially independent. But even when that happened, looking at how society was, how where people were an object of ridicule, mockery and even how media projects, I never wanted to come out and I was questioning myself like, why would I even have to come out? Like, do straight people come out? They don't, so the hetero people don't have to come out and they assume everybody else is a hetero. So why should I have to come out? I'll just be on my own, minding my own things. Who I choose to share my love with is my personal, my private stuff. Like, why do people have to know? So I was I was in this mindset. I was not thinking, I'll come out until one point where I had everything. I was program manager with Walmart, managing a team of like the account was over 120 people. Like I had everything a good job, high paying, satisfying job with so many friends. From work, from college, from school, from family circles, a beautiful family, like anything that anybody can think of, like I had, I had it all, but I felt I was not at peace. I was, I was not living my authentic life and having to hide a part of myself, having to pretend to be a different person. And it gets taxing after a point of time and you feel like, what is the point of all this? Why am I pretending? Why am I doing all this? Like, is this why I'm here on this earth? Like, is this how I'm supposed to live? Like I don't want to? And this feeling that maybe if I come out, if people come to know I might lose that relationship, I might lose the friendship. And that pushed me into not having deeper, meaningful relationships, deeper, meaningful friendships. And I was always having that thought that it'll be gone. It'll be taken away. So why invest energy? Why invest time on this? So it was mostly at surface level. And then when it hit me, I wanted to settle down. I wanted to be with somebody I don't want to hide and pretend anymore is when I decided to emigrate. And once I came here, even after coming here, it took me a year to come to terms with being comfortable in my own skin and to be able to find community and to be able to come out. So 2024, after ConFest. ConFest is a is like a festival, conference festival, where I felt so loud and accepted. I had a lot of interactions with people there, and that pushed me into coming out. And my house mates were the first one whom I came out to. It was in April, the first weekend, so I came out to them. They were really sweet, accepting, welcoming and that gave me the push to come out to my sister within a few days and she was like, okay, so what? Hey. I wasn't expecting that. I didn't have like a great relationship with her. Like we always fought growing up as kids. So, so I was like, okay, fine, I can at least do it as a trial test run and see how it goes. But she was like, are you expecting drama? Like, you know, this is 2024, like, grow up, like you’re my brother and that's it. End of story. So that, that actually brought us closer together. It helped us be more vulnerable with each other. And now I believe, like, we are very close, more like best friends. And after that, I started coming out to people here in Australia because they are more open and accepting. The society is more open and haven't met with a lot of pushback or, you know, people leaving. So that helped me come out to few of my friends in India as well. And some of them had no clue what queerness or gay meant. Like all they had – Even in 2024? Even in 2024, all they knew was the caricaturish roles that people performed in movies. And they thought it is always like a trans person because that is, yeah, femme. And they were like, oh, you know, you're not like this. Why do you think? And out of care like they wanted to protect and like, oh, you're not, you're not like that. You don't have to be. And then I had to explain and they came up with a lot of questions they wanted to understand. And the more I helped them understand and come to terms with who we are and how we love and share, and they didn't have any concerns or problems with accepting me. They're like, oh, you know, you're still the same friend that we always had. So it's just probably you, you just want to marry a different person. You just want to share your love with a man, not a woman. So this is why I feel it is very important to kind of have the conversation, have the discourse going and let people know. So after that, I came here and I wanted to embrace. I started like posting about the queer books that I read as part of my book club, and still people probably know. I still hadn't come out fully on social media, which I felt like I had to. And 2025 Pride Parade was the first time I walked in a parade ever in my life with Trikone. And then on that day, I was wearing, like a like a groomswear, like what we wear in India, like a silk dhoti. Silk veshti and a shirt with a rainbow flag as a cape. And then I posted that for the first time on Insta, vast majority of people of course supported. But there were a few who had some comments. But I, I felt I should look at the positive side. Like more than 95% of people or responses were positive. So there'll always be there will always be people who have things to say, which has nothing to do with that. So when hate comes, let's choose to ignore, because the more we feed it, the more it kind of – It's like fire to the flame. Yeah, yeah. Like what is happening in US, like, all the attention is on – When somebody took over, they said certain things which were very offensive to our community, especially to our trans friends. And there was a lot of media attention to that and a lot of negativity around the discourse, which made people feel not safe in being who they are or in being, like expressing themselves. So, instead, I chose to spend more energy and time on people that showed love and support. And then I was considering telling mum, my mum is the closest person that I have in my life, like somebody who gives unconditional love and she's always been there for me. So I wanted to tell her and fully knowing that she prioritises or considers how society would react, how people would react growing up, that has always been the case. Oh, what will people say? What will people say? So I was, I was kind of sure that she wouldn't accept, but I had friends here with whom I even discussed how to come out. You know what to say, how to say, how to handle different scenarios, what would happen. So when I like, I traveled with my family to Europe for two weeks, and when I landed in India after two days, I was like, okay, this is the time. Let me tell her so that I have another two more weeks. If she has concerns, questions or even if she has a meltdown, my sister doesn't have to deal with it and I can shoulder it. So I told her. While telling, I was tearing up a lot because in my mind I was like, okay, this is the moment I'm going to lose her and my world is going to come down crashing. So I couldn't even tell. Like it took me so long. I was like, leading with questions on what if I don't want to get married, which she and I had already agreed. Like she let me off the hook. She's like you do whenever you're comfortable. As long as you are happy, that is what matters. So she had, she had given me that space. So I was like, I started with that and she was fine. And then we moved on. What if I want to get married, but not somebody who you might think, and she's like, oh, that's perfectly fine. You know, as long as you're happy, if you are in love with somebody, let me know, you know, we'll work it out and things. And then so slowly, I came out like, I am gay. I am into men, not into women. And she took a bit of time to process. And then she's like, it's fine. And I was not prepared for that. I thought she didn't understand, so I had to clarify what I meant. And she was like, so what? Wow, that is so sweet. It was it was beautiful. So she spent the time calming me down and placing me and being there with me in the space. And I couldn't believe I was so happy. I shared it with a lot of people, even posted. But few days, a few days after, like 2 or 3 days after. Like, we've had conversations in the morning during breakfast, she came up with questions like, Would you want me to take you to a doctor? Would you want me to take you to – Now it's processing.– to a psychologist? What will happen if I find a girl for you? Not now. After a few years. Maybe you didn't like anybody you saw so far. So she came up with things like this. And then I was like, okay, probably she hasn't understood clearly. So I helped her understand. And then the questions like, after a day or two, the questions changed and they were like, do you really want to get married? Why not just be in living, a living together relationship? And how does alimony work? Does it apply to gay marriages? And what if he cheats you? What if he hurts you? You wouldn't know anybody. And I was like, this can happen in hetero marriages as well. My sister got married like it can happen to anybody, so why not it happen here. There is a possibility always. And you can't rule out that this is how it will be. And then she's like, oh no, but I did background check for your brother-in-law, inquired about the family. But for you I can't do it. And that's why. So I felt it came from a place of love and that she was looking after me. She wanted to protect and shield and it was just the unknown that how things were. And I was like, oh, I’m not seeing anybody at the moment. And even if I say I'm not going to get married the next day, you're going to meet them. And it is important for me to, for you to accept me and my partner. And I think it gave her a bit of peace. But even like 3 or 4 months back, we were having a call and she was like, oh, I'm still praying. And I was like, what are you praying for? She's like, oh, you know, maybe one day you might change. So I, I was offended and I felt like I had to have this conversation. So I was like, so do you not accept me for who I am, then? Do you feel that I am incomplete or there is something disgusting or something wrong with me? Is that why you want me to change? And that is when she said something very beautiful. She's like, no, but I grew up in a different society, in a different environment. I'm like 60 plus and it would take me longer to come to terms with that. I'm not asking you to get married, I'm not pushing. It is just my internal thoughts and feelings that I am still processing. Because even before you were born, I've had dreams of getting you married and how to get you married. Yeah. So for me to come to terms with it, it will take me longer. Just help me, you know, just be who I am and be with me. And be patient so that we can cross this – cross this journey together. Yeah. It's it's the same. Hey, with mums, even my mum, although I came out three years back, the other day, just actually last week actually this week she had a phone call and she was like, you’ve, you’ve wasted your life. I still hope someday you marry a girl. And I was like, I blew up as well. And this is something that I always thought as well, that, listen, my friends are different. Family is different, right? And chosen family is different. So for me, the coming out was more like family because friends and chosen family, they know. I don't have to pretend anything. I'm like, I'm talking about guys and dates and everything like that that works. But with family, that's the conversation. That is the big convo. But you're right, it takes ages and ages for them to process. So where your mom was saying, you know, at least she's communicating that she's trying to process. No, because it is fair. Like even in our teens or whenever we explore our sexuality and come to terms with it at that young age, it takes us time to accept and come to terms with who we are and for them. And growing up in a certain kind of society which only ridicules and doesn't see them with respect, like having grown up, they want to protect and shield their kids. And it mostly comes from a place of love. But then there's lack of awareness which kind of clouds or blinds how they see. And it might it may take them time. So if we are patient, if we help them with more details, talk to them about it. Have conversations. I believe they will come around because after all, they are family and they look after us. They care for us. So I believe. They have this love-hate with this truth, right? They love it, but they also hate it that it's true. I feel like later when you come out in life, later, you have a power. The power to be independent, the power to have your finances ready, that you're ready for a worst case scenario. When you're young, these things are not in place. And that's where the trauma happens. Wow. That's a that's a story, right? So you came to Australia in 2024 or before? 23. It's about to be three years. Three years? Wow. So we can say that you're an immigrant. Yeah, yeah. Can I ask you that? And this is, you know, by all means, you have to. You don't have to answer if you want to move on. I'm totally fine with that. But what has happened in the recent months? It's been months only to incidents against immigrants and, you know, a certain race of immigrants. What do you think? Where is the queer South Asians stand in all of this propaganda, do you think? Are we safe? Are we? Do we need to have these conversations? Do we need to have good allies in politics? I believe we do. Because if you look at Australia. It is a land of immigrants. It only depends when people arrived. It's apart from, our indigenous brothers and sisters. Everybody else is an immigrant here. Yes, it it only matters which generation of immigrant they are. But there's this narrative that only certain section of society, certain skin tone, certain background, certain ethnicity matters, and the others don't. There is a sense of superiority that because I look a certain way, because I have certain influence, I'm superior to you, and I can choose to ignore you or treat you the wrong way. If you recall, there was an incident just this last week. Where an attack was not called a terrorist attack, by most social media platforms and the identity of the person was protected. And so much caution and care was shown. While any other incident that happens, people rush to flood the comments in social media and even in news call it an attack, a terrorist crime. Just because the person's skin color is different, just because their race is different, just because their ethnicity is different. So they feel that they have the power to judge. They have the power to question and push people away, which I feel is not fair. And people talk about if you're here, then you adapt to this culture. Then the question that I ask, have you adapted to the indigenous culture? Yes. If so, then let's talk. If not, please do your homework and then come back. Now, Mohan, For about three years, I think I've known you about two. Almost three, actually, When was that award show for Trikone? I think it was 2024. All right, so then a year-ish. A year, two years now. You do come across, like I said, in the community, people, you know, refer you as a very positive energy. And that is very important because what I realised is that, being queer and being at a certain age, we have a certain responsibility to help our fellow queers or to motivate them and to bring them to a place where they feel safe, no matter where they are, right in the mindset. And you're big on creating safe spaces, right? I see your tennis matches, right? I don't know how to play tennis, so I'm not there ever. But, what would your stance be on creating safe spaces for queer people? Queer brown people? Yeah, for me, safe spaces are important because I didn't have one growing up, and I know how important it is to have safe space where we are accepted for who we are, where we are not judged, where we are, just love and acceptance. And that I found in Trikone when when I moved here, there were a lot of spaces that I found where I could either be brown or queer, but not both. But Trikone offered me a place where lot many other people had similar lived experiences who would understand being queer, and Brown. Yeah, there's like two levels. So I wanted to when I was in a better place, I wanted to replicate that and create safe spaces for people. And there's this conception that queer people always party. They are all like, you know, yeah, but that is not true. There is a vast section of us who are like me, who are not into parties, not into alcohol. We do everything that everybody else does. Like we go to work and find meaningful connections and want quiet spaces like, or probably do something else other than parties. Because in parties you don't get to hold conversations, don't get to know the other person. And I feel that kind of is a reason why there's a lot of loneliness. This depression, because we don't have somebody whom we can consider to be our own. Or, you know, my friend, my family. This is my chosen family. I can be myself that needs time, that needs conversation. And to promote a space is why we started badminton, walks or bouldering. Any of these events that we do, the primary objective is to give people an opportunity to come together. Like we've been doing badminton for nearly a year now, and most people who come there haven't played in a long while or hadn't played at all. So the whole point is to have fun and. Connect. Can I? And after every event, we either go for lunch or dinner so that they have done something together, and then now sit and talk about it and connect. And I believe this beautiful, close knit community that has come out of it and people catch up, people do things on their own. And whenever I see that, my heart fills with happiness because you've been able to create a space like that. I've longed for a long time, wasn't available back in India, or probably was, and I was too scared to access it. And here, when I'm able to bring people together, when I'm able to give a safe space that I feel feeds my soul, and that's why I continue doing whatever I do. Nice. What stereotype about queer South Asians do you think, or do you wish could disappear? One is that not everybody parties, and - but the major one that I wanted to target is not all our stories are sad. Not all of us are in a bad stage in life, without family, without friends. There are a lot of us who are doing well in life. Yeah, there are people who are leaders in AI who create large impact, say Tim Cook, for example, or Sam Altman, what he is doing with ChatGPT and OpenAI. So there are people who have accomplished and who have done a lot of good things, and there are a lot of happy stories. It is very rare that you find sob stories in queer gatherings. It's mostly laughter and joy, and I think that is same with any hetero person as well. Like they have their moments and their relationships aren’t perfect either, and so aren’t ours. So there's this perspective that any movie that you take, any series, it's mostly with a sad, tragic end, which has probably led to shaping up certain perspectives so that I would love for it to change. And there's a friend of mine, Victor, who did a film “To Freely Flourish”, which talks about a family that accepts their kid and comes to terms with it. And now we are working on a project called“Coming Out, Coming Home”, where we want to – It's an audio podcast where we want to tell stories of culturally, linguistically diverse families accepting their kids for who they are and share how the journey has been, how their journey has shaped them. So this inspires a lot of other families to accept their kids, and they don't have to push them away. They can accept their kids for who they are, and for people to come to terms with themselves and be comfortable being themselves to their families and opening up. So that's the goal of the project. We've done two recordings so far and looking ahead and supported by City of Sydney, Trikone and various other queer organisations in Sydney. So hopefully we are able to change perspectives and probably take things forward in a positive light. Perfect. Mohan, thank you so much for coming under the brown rainbow with so much stories to tell, which I'm pretty sure that, someone listening who's struggling or trying to figure themselves out or get that safe space for them is definitely going to, you know, benefit from. All right, so there we go. Mohan, thanks for coming Under the Brown Rainbow. Thank you for creating this space for people to express and for people to share stories. It is not easy what you're doing and knowing you how much love and light you bring and all the glitter that you throw in people's life. It was a pleasure sharing this perspective and my side of story with you. Thank you for having me under the brown rainbow. Happy to dance and flourish under the brown rainbow. There you go. This episode was brought to you by Trikone Australia. We love telling queer stories, so if you have a story to tell. Do drop in the comments below what story and how we can get in touch with you. This is Kashif signing off, Under the Brown Rainbow. Make sure to like and share the video. Subscribe to our channel and make sure that you follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get our podcast from. Bye.