Marked by Deep Change

Real, permanent losses.  Lines in our faces. A new appreciation for goodness.

All are marks of having undergone deep change.

Music by Scott Holmes - A Wee Tipple 
Non Copyright Music

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Today I unexpectedly came face to face with an old grief of mine from many years ago. I had wanted more for someone and willingly went to great lengths, and it cost me dearly. I have lived with that significant loss ever since. For years I attempted to minimize its impact, always hoping that things would change, or that in some measure what was lost could be regained. But now, almost twenty years later, that loss has never been recovered. In the aftermath of all of it, I experienced what I would call deep change in a very fundamental way, and am certainly better for it as a person. Am I better off materially? Absolutely not. The reality of that loss still impacts me every single day. When discussing deep change and transformation, I want to be clear. It does not typically end in all butterflies and rainbows. There are often real losses one must live with for the rest of their lives. But it is perhaps the having to live and surrender with these losses that drive the depth of transformation. I like to think of the process of transformation, of deep change as golden threads that are woven into the very fabric of life. Or like the flow of the river. It's much easier to go with the flow than to try and push against the river. Or as an angel or a group of angels on assignment, fierce and very much for us, for our highest good, accompanying us through life, making use of every single circumstance to work for our good, no matter what, no matter if there was ill intent behind what happened to us. And when we're handed a blow that sends us reeling and knocks us down, they roll up their sleeves to do whatever it takes, even if it involves a ton of pain. Ah man, this one's gonna hurt. But we got to. She'll be better for it. It's also probably similar to what I imagine a surgeon thinks when he has a client that is going to need a surgery that will be life-altering and involves a long brutal recovery. But he knows the alternative is much worse. Our encounters with the process of change is a deeply personal experience. It takes into account our background, our experiences, our worldview, and the methods of coping we adopted, and adapts itself to what we need and how, to what we respond to best, specially ordered, so to speak. However, there are also similarities, no matter who is encountering this process of change, loss, betrayal, and rejection, tears and anger and sadness, aloneness, reflection, surrender, and learning to live in a new way, even with a limp. The tools available are limitless music, phrases, circumstances and themes, longings for healing, for mission, for love, poems, people, and sports. The list goes on and on. Anything, absolutely anything, can be used to stir us, to bring up what we haven't dealt with yet. The process of deep change can work with our beliefs, but it is certainly not limited to them. Especially when our beliefs limit our call, our ability to show up in the world. Then they are precisely what must undergo change, and our world gets turned upside down. I too am discovering deep change not only leaves its mark within, but also without. Certainly, grief plays a major role and leaves its mark in some way, even in our very mannerisms at times. But right alongside of what grief has etched into our bodies and our spirits, right alongside we are marked with things such as tenderness, attunement, surrender, purpose, and a new ability to see beyond. We are marked with courage, resilience, and a deep appreciation for what's good because we know just how horribly things can go wrong. Yeah, it's certainly not butterflies and rainbows, and there are permanent losses. But who we become and who we are able to be for those in our charge, despite everything, that's worth something.