135. The Quiet Power of Healing, Identity, and Coming Home to Yourself (Soreya James)

What happens when life asks you to let go of an old identity and become someone entirely new?

In Episode 135 of The Quiet Warrior Podcast, Serena sits down with Soreya James to explore healing, identity, introversion, trauma, nervous system safety, and the quiet courage it takes to come home to yourself.

Soreya shares the powerful story behind changing her name after surviving childhood trauma, and how reclaiming her identity became an act of liberation, healing, and rebirth. Together, Serena and Soreya explore the layers of conditioning that cause so many people — especially introverts and quiet achievers — to shut down, stay small, and hide aspects of themselves in order to feel safe.

This conversation also dives into:

• The relationship between introversion, conditioning, and nervous system safety
• Why many high-performing people are exhausted by the noise and pressure of modern visibility culture
• The healing power of silence, stillness, and softer forms of leadership
• How authenticity can become a quiet form of magnetism
• Why “less is more” for introverted entrepreneurs and creatives
• The difference between being seen and performing visibility
• Soreya’s transformational book Metamorphosis and the journey of reinvention after burnout, loss, and major life transitions

This episode is a gentle but powerful reminder that you do not need to become louder to make an impact. Sometimes the quietest light is the one that helps people feel safest enough to heal.

Key Takeaways

• Healing often begins when we stop performing and start listening inward
• Safety is foundational for self-expression and authentic visibility
• Introversion can be both innate and shaped by conditioning and lived experiences
• Quiet, grounded presence can be more powerful than loud visibility
• Silence and stillness can create the space needed for transformation
• Becoming who you truly are is an inward journey, not an external performance

About Soreya James

Soreya James is a private rehabilitation guide providing bespoke rehabilitation immersions for high-performing individuals under sustained pressure. Her work supports leaders, creatives, and professionals experiencing burnout, addiction patterns, emotional overload, health collapse, or loss of meaning despite outward success.

With over 25 years of experience across somatic therapy, breathwork, meditation, and embodied psychology, Soreya works at the level of nervous system regulation and deep transformation rather than surface-level symptom management.

Soreya is also the author of Metamorphosis: A Map to Midlife, Menopause and the Mind.

Get Coached by Serena

If you’re an introverted woman leader ready to become more visible and influential without performing extroversion, I invite you to apply for a SEEN Executive Calibration. 45 minutes via Zoom. Diagnostic, not selling. Root causes, not symptoms.

Apply HERE.

Work with Serena Low at serenalow.com.au. 

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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome. Today's guest is Soraya James, a private rehabilitation guide providing bespoke rehabilitation immersions for high-performing individuals under sustained pressure. Her work supports leaders, creatives, and professionals experiencing burnout, addiction patterns, health collapse, emotional overload, or loss of meaning despite outward success. With over 25 years of experience across traumatic therapy, breath work, meditation, and embodied psychology, Sureya works at the level of system regulation rather than symptom management. She's the author of Metamorphosis, a map to midlife, menopause and the mind, reawakening women, and chocolate for consciousness. Welcome, Sorea James, to the Quiet Warrior Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

Thank you so much, Serena. That's such a lovely introduction.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

I am so excited to speak with you.

Extrovert Assumptions And Real Energy

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Now, the first thing you said when we first spoke was that people often assume that you're an extrovert. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

Yes. I guess it comes from, you know, being quite uh a what I call a radiant woman. You know, there's a lot of life and light inside of me. So often when I walk into spaces, um, you know, I'm one of these people that can light up a room and and and talk with anyone and kind of fit in really effortlessly into any given situation. So I guess because of that, people then make the assumption that I'm incredibly social and very outward and extroverted. And at times I can be, um, but the complete opposite is actually more true. So um I do feel like I I do have a healthy balance of the two, but I probably sway more into the introvert than extrovert, with which is interesting because not many people in that know me would say that or understand that about me. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Do you think that has changed over time?

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Yeah, absolutely. You know, as a maturing woman um on the timeline of my life, um I I might prefer more quiet, more serenity, um more peaceful spaces. I like living on my own. So yes, it definitely has changed over time. And it's been a slow evolution, actually, um, as life is.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Yeah.

Changing A Name After Trauma

SPEAKER_01 2:43

When we first spoke, you told me a story about changing your name and what that meant for you. Could you talk us through that?

SPEAKER_03 2:53

Yeah, absolutely. So I was um actually born Cherie Carberry, which when I say that it feels so foreign to me. Cherie Michelle Carberry, I'm like, who is that? Um beautiful name, you know, Cherie's a beautiful name, and my parents chose that name for me, so very blessed. Um but I was the I don't know, I don't know what language to really put to it, but I was um the subject of childhood sexual abuse within my family, so a grandparent um on the Carberry side, and it took me many, many, many years to heal that um, you know, that childhood trauma. And around the age of 28, I was going through a very big awakening in my life and also training in the work that I do now. And I had a an experience where uh with a teacher of mine in India who put his hand on my on my shoulder and looked in my eyes, and he said, That brings it makes me emotional when I think about it. He said, You are sure, you are surya, you are surya. And I looked at him and I said, What does that mean? And he said, You are the light. Surya is when the the sun beams at the highest point of the sky and it beams its radiant light. And so for the rest of the time that I was there on the ashram, I was called Guru Surya Kore, which means the the one who brings light to the dark. And that name felt so real for me, so true for me. And I began to embody the name. Um I don't know how many years ago that was 28, 38, 25 years ago. And then I went through another training as well, several years later, um, through my Kundalini Yoga teacher training, and I wasn't naming myself Surya in the Western world at that time, but my teacher that gifted me my spiritual name in that lineage said to me, Your spiritual name is Surya. And I thought to receive that name from two different lineages, neither of them knew. I remember that day sitting across from him and I just burst into tears, and I he helped me understand what receiving a name like that meant, um, and that it was a real honor and privilege. So I went through a process over those coming years of really embodying the name and and and inviting people to, you know, to call me Surreya because in the West I couldn't pronounce Surya, and I certainly didn't want to go by Guru Surya. Um, so it took a couple of years for people to get used to, and then I changed it by deep hole. And I remember on that day the the difference in how I felt around what had happened to me as a childhood by releasing my my family name and taking on this, you know, it's a vibration. Um so it was a really, really pertinent time for me. And I and then I spoke with my father because I wanted to honor, you know, the paternal lineage in our family, and I asked him if he would how he would feel if I took his first name as my last name, and he was honored. So that's how Saraya James was born, um, like a rebirth. And then I changed it by depuller, and over the years, you know, all of the passports and everything's been changed. So Shari Kabri doesn't really exist at all anywhere, not in my body, not my being. No one ever calls me that anymore. It's you know, it's been a long time. So it was it was a shift in identity based on you know, really leaving the past behind and starting, starting fresh, but still honoring the family names from my father's first name. So that's a long-winded story, but it it needed to be you know done justice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Thank you for sharing that. I love your story so much. Not many people have the opportunity or the reason as deep as yours to change a name, to embody a new identity and to let go and allow someone else to emerge. I think things happen in our lives for a reason. And in your particular case, even though it might have taken two teachers to confirm that path and that new identity for you, it is still an act of courage. And we're speaking at the time when the lunar new year is about to begin. So we're leaving the year of the snake, a lot of shedding, a lot of transitions. We're moving into the year of the horse. So this feels quite significant as well.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

Yeah, it really is.

Forgiveness As A Release

SPEAKER_03 7:57

And one of the other things that was really um pertinent around that time was it was I was pregnant with my son, seven months pregnant. Um, so there you go, 22 years ago. And I'd actually visited my grandfather uh at the rest home because I knew he was, you know, close to to death, uh, to passing away, I should say. And I confronted him and let him know that that even though I didn't condone what he did to us, or several of us, that um that I forgave him. And in that moment of saying those words to him, the the freedom that I felt at the level of my soul was so incredible. And I knew that this gift was what I was giving to my son, and that it would be a gift for many women in the future to be able to, you know, look into the eyes or at least work surrogately, which is you know how I work with a lot of my clients, to release that burden that um that is placed upon us and and the pain and suffering that we carry. And so, yeah, to then be given that name is like aha, this makes sense, you know. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

A gift of light, a gift of radiance, bringing light into darkness.

SPEAKER_04 9:11

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

And when a light comes into the darkness, the contrast and the hope that it brings. I think that is life-changing. We don't even have to be a very big light. You can be a tiny little candle that's flickering, and the contrast would still be evident.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, just a little spark of light lights up a room, doesn't it? It does. Yeah. In fact, if you think about like a flood light or those, you know, huge, big beaming lights, they're overbearing. So sometimes that little flicker of a candlelight is actually more warming and feels more safe and comforting to come closer to than you know a big bombier. So it's an interesting metaphor to use, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Yes. I'm glad you mentioned safety because I think when one has been through that kind of a trauma, safety would be at the top of our minds all the time. Our bodies would have come through that survival state. We would be thinking, how do I stay safe? What do I need to do? We are how do I protect myself? How do I make sure something like this doesn't happen again? So safety away from the spotlight, but in the gentle, maybe supportive glow of something more like a candle and more like the kind of work you do. And I'm glad you mentioned the surrogate aspect because not everyone is ready to confront, to deal with, to look in the face of that kind of um that kind of interaction that takes another level.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Yeah, and you know, there's also not many people that um can even communicate with those closest to them. You know, so many of us are really shut down from all sorts of interactions and miscommunications and you know deeper traumas as well. Like just to talk to your mother or your your child or your partner or a friend and have a confrontation is often really difficult for people, let alone you know the the magnitude of what some people go through as well. So, yeah, the surrogacy work is really, really powerful.

Why We Shut Down With Loved Ones

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Let's talk about what it's like to be shut down. What is it that keeps us from having open, honest, healthy communication with other people, especially with loved ones?

SPEAKER_03 11:49

Well, that's I think it's a mixture of things. For me personally, it's you know the conditioning. It's like we're growing we grew up in this particular family home, and one parent had you know all these aspects, and then the other parent had all these aspects, and so you're playing out in this field of consciousness, and then you know the siblings, and you learn very quickly as a as a small child, um what is what is right, what is wrong, what is good, what is bad, what is appropriate, and and then you know, we are communicated to from that viewpoint or from that projection or that judgment to behave in a certain way, which then just slowly creates the layers, layer upon layer upon layer, and that then brings us into our life, you know. And so by the time we're a teenager, we've even before that, but certainly into our teen years and our early 20s, we've created these identities based on what we've been told, how we've been treated. And it's not just in a family home, it's you know, as you know, it's beyond that into the schoolyard and our teachers and our sports teachers and our you know, all the people that have influence in our life. So unless we have an awareness or we grow up in a family where our main sort of foundation is that it's okay to speak up, it's okay to be big, it's okay to be boisterous, it's okay to be whatever, you know, be you, then 99% of humanity are shut down in some way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

So we are representing a perhaps a diluted version of ourselves in order to survive, to get along, to fit in and to belong.

SPEAKER_03 13:45

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. A facade or a or a veil of some sort.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Facade, a veil, a mask. And then we layer on top of that that some of us are introverted as well. So by nature, we are quieter, we don't use our voices a lot, or we use it very selectively. So then how does that impact? How does it become a problem?

SPEAKER_03 14:10

So the question I ask when you say that, Serena, is are we introverts because we've been shut down so much so that we are that you know the guard is is thick. Or is it by nature? Is it that we were actually born with this particular nature within us? So, yeah, natural nurture. So that question sits there for me, and I have you know worked with enough people now that I have points of view on both sides. But can you repeat the question again so I can be more um precise when I listen?

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Well, we were talking about people being shut down because of all the layers we've taken on from conditioning. And then I said, you know, on top of that, we have the other layers that some of us are introverted as well, which then led to the nature versus nurture perspective. So I'm thinking that maybe it's both. It could be nature, it could be nurture, it's you know, aspects of both. So I may be born to be an observer, to be a listener, to be quieter by nature. I don't speak unless I'm ready, and unless I have a fully formed thought. But at the same time, if I've also grown up in um an upbringing where I'm not encouraged to speak up, I'm punished for speaking up and challenging things, then yes, I would be even more introverted. Because then to me, staying quiet is safety.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

Yes, absolutely. And I feel that there's a third piece as well, is that children are mimics. So if children are growing up in families or communities where the parents are both quiet, also, that have grown up with parents that were quiet, with parents that were quiet, you know, then that is going to continue through the generations. And that's not always the case. Um, I'm thinking about my little three-year-old niece, she is very outgoing, very big personality, very um bright, bright, bright light.

SPEAKER_04 16:22

And yet neither of her parents are that way.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

So I feel like it's a combination of all of it in a sense, you know, and it's also like well, the DNA of all the generations within us as well.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Yeah. That's a fascinating topic. How far back do we go?

SPEAKER_03 16:43

How far back do we go? The yogis say seven generations, but how do we really know? True. Has it actually been tested? Can they can they say that we have this many in our system that we have 70 million twelve 17 trillion cells? I mean, how how do they actually know? Yeah, I guess you know, the the past life um journey that some people take, it's like, yeah, okay, we can look back through the timeline, but definitely know that we hold generational trauma, but how far back?

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

Yeah.

Visibility For Introverts In Business

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Let's talk about the introvert in business. So, an introverted entrepreneur, a creative person, we have all these aspects of ourselves. We have something to say, we have a purpose, we have exciting ideas we want to share with the world. But then how do we do that and still stay under the radar? Because you know, we talked about spotlights and candles early on, and the introvert doesn't like being in the spotlight.

SPEAKER_03 17:50

Yes, this is something that I'm navigating at the moment. Um, because you know, someone that wants to share your work and what we call in New Zealand your mahi, which is to be in service and reach the people that that need you know your support. It's like you have to, and you know, my work is mostly on referrals, but you also have to, at some point in the evolution of your of your career, be seen. So I've tried it all. I've been on main stages teaching, I've spoken at network events, I've been invited to speak on large stages, I've worked independently, I've run retreats, I've done the whole lot. And at times I can be the big, bright, beaming light, and other times it's just would be sit back. What's happening now for me personally, and I feel like for us that um, you know, don't want to be in the spotlight, is that there's a trust aspect that's beginning to happen. I don't want to be on any social media at all. I don't have an email database, I'm not interested in hustling or um, you know, trying because it feels really fake. So there's a trust exercise that I feel goes on that as you continue to be more of your true self and just do the work quietly, life is going to support us. I honestly believe that. And I do my work very quietly at home now, and the opportunities that are coming to me, you know, just from having conversations or um meeting the right person at the right time, are much more valid and what's the word meaningful than if I was to go out and put something across Instagram or Facebook. And you know, I'm finding that just a few clients is more than enough than reaching the masses, it doesn't have to be loud, I don't need to be famous, so yeah, as as you know, more introverted types, it's it's actually less is more I love that. And and the the world, I'm speaking for the world, me and lots of people I know are tired of the noise at the moment, being sold to, being pitched at, being you know, drop dropping into your DMs with all the same kind of messaging. And and actually I did put something up on social media just a week ago and I said everything seems the same, everybody's jumping on the same bandwagon trying to sell something. I'm wondering where the authenticity and transparency is. And um, yeah, it was an interesting responses. So it's almost like I'm for us, it's it's leaning back and opening our hearts even wider, and then just seeing who is attracted to this energy, this quiet, humble, softer, safer energy.

SPEAKER_04 21:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

I would say that kind of energy would be very attractive right about now.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

It is such uh it's so counterintuitive. But when you experience it, it is so restful. It's like you have a huge sigh of relief finally.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Not someone who is talking at you, someone who's maybe not even talking very much. But just there holding you the surrogate you were talking about. And you can just rest. And I think that's the thing we're missing.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

The rest. Yeah.

Silence That Regulates The Body

SPEAKER_03 22:15

It's that parasympathetic nervous system recognizing each other and the softening. Often with my clients, I'll hold a lot of silence and it's uncomfortable for them. And yet I just sit and and you notice their their their whole body relax and then the breath shift and then the softening and then the almost trepidation of what's gonna come up through through this space. And I just sit and wait. And often I might just say, it's okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:56

It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

Or you know, sometimes that word can be a little bit bypass. Like, you know, a lot of people are using it at the moment as a more of a spiritual bypass. So you know, sometimes it's just a little bit of eye contact and a leaning forward and a hand on the heart, and more gestures as opposed to and and waiting, waiting for them to you know come out of themselves. It's beautiful, it's beautiful to witness.

SPEAKER_04 23:26

And yeah, there's not enough of that. Yeah. Yes.

Metamorphosis And Midlife Reinvention

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Which brings me to the question of metamorphosis. Your book, your program. Tell us about that.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Oh I actually just got the book uh in the in the mail the other day. It was it was beautiful. I opened it up and I was like, there it is in printed form. So it's in digital form at the moment, but it was in printed form and it was quite the like, wow. Um Metamorphosis was born last year when I was in Thailand, and I was going through quite a shift myself from empty nesting and and kind of re-identifying, you know, where what now that I solo parented for 20 years, so it's a big gap, very big space, and so kind of a reinvention. And whilst I was in Thailand, I went through a couple of um really big experiences, including dengue fever, which you know I was close to not being here anymore. So to go through that experience was really huge, and the book was born off the back of that of you know, if if life is this short and if there is something that brings us this close to death, what do you want to do? How do you want to live? And all of a sudden, this writing started to happen around all the experiences that I'd had in my life. I've had a really big life, really big life, and it it brought me into this wider perspective where I started to observe life quite differently and noticing the darkness and the light, which is really very polarized in Thailand. Um, and so this this book or these words that started pouring was literally the metamorphic experience of you know, here's a seed, and whether it's you know from the time we are conceived or the time that a relationship ends, or a time that you know um a significant thing happens in our life, there's a seed that's planted to start something new, and we need to incubate that seed, you know, any new idea or thing that happens is like we can't rush into it impulsively. So we have to allow that incubation time to happen, which is you know my real life experience when I was in Thailand. That's what was happening. Um and that's the cocoon, and and it's only when we go into that darkness or that or that that incubation period that we start to really see the cracks and the light coming from our inside, and um you know it there's a process of evolution for that, and then once you know these cracks are kind of sealed with gold or or opened very gently, then the freedom comes, and so everything, every tool and bit of work that I've done over 35 years kind of came to fruition in this one piece of work, um, along with a teaching memoir. So it was it was in real time of what was happening to me on these islands that um really was about Mother Nature healing us as opposed to needing anything outside of ourselves to resource from her, from the elements of her, and and yeah, it's a teaching memoir, it has music, it has breath work, it has meditations, it has beautiful reflections and moments of um you know my life and and how that can reflect with yours. And it and it is a journey of you know, the the more mature woman, so the perimenopausal menopausal woman, if you like. There's a lot of chatter about that online at the moment. Um yeah, and then it just sort of naturally came into digital form, which it suits more because it's an it's an evolving journey, and um and it really reflects life, and it's it's being written up as a as a screen adaptation at the moment as well. So I don't know where it will go, but it was a beautiful experience to you know to put it on paper, so to speak, and that's been being received really well. It's yeah, kind of feels like life, my life's work, but incredibly inspirational. Yeah, feel a little vulnerable talking about it, but it's it's beautiful, it's really beautiful, like a butterfly is.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Yes, yes. Now I'll make sure to have the um to link to that in the show notes for the listeners.

Be True And Go Inward

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Now if there is one thing you would want people to take away from the conversation today, what would that be?

SPEAKER_04 28:46

That's such a bad question. The words that are coming up are be true to who you to who you really are. True to who you really are.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

You know, even if that's not known right now, be willing and courageous to go on the search. And it's an inner search. Teachers will show up along the way, you know, the old saying when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. But it's so worth it, it's so worth taking that journey inward to find out who you are at the essence, you know, and at the level of your soul. It's not easy, but it's really necessary in these times, and it's really worth it to come back home to the south.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Thank you for today's conversation about the power of the light, about the power of quiet voices, about coming back to ourselves, coming home to ourselves. I get the image of coming full circle. Because when we are shut down, there are aspects of ourselves that close off and become inaccessible. But from listening to you, I also sense that it's important to sit in that non-clarity when we are figuring things out. We're not very sure what the next step is or what where the path is going to lead, to actually be still and be okay with that. Just as when you are with your clients, creating that stillness and that space for people to just rest, to just pause, to not be seeking and expecting answers immediately, but to allow time, to allow wisdom, to allow the answers to come.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

So thank you very much, Suria, for coming on the Quiet Warrior podcast today.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Thank you, Serena. It's been absolutely lovely. Really, really, really enjoyed our time.

Invitation To Work Together

SPEAKER_01 30:47

If you're a senior professional woman ready to be visible and to get promoted without having to perform extroversion, book a private Zoom call with me at Serenalo.com.au. See you on the next episode. High-performing introverts with leadership ambition don't lack competence. What many of them lack is a psychologically safe and sustainable pathway to visibility and leadership. If you're successful on paper, but still feel unseen, overextended, or quietly stuck at the same level despite everything you've achieved, the scene executive calibration was designed for you. It helps identify the deeper patterns that may be affecting how you communicate, advocate for yourself, lead, and show up professionally. You'll find the link in the show notes.