137. What's Wrong vs. What's Strong: A Strengths-Based Approach to Career and Caregiving | Rosemary Gattuso

What if the career that looked right on paper was quietly draining you — and the one you almost overlooked turned out to be exactly where you were meant to be?

Family mediator and restorative justice practitioner Rosemary Gattuso joins Serena to share the pivotal moment she walked away from legal practice and into mediation — not out of failure, but out of a growing self-awareness that law amplified her weaknesses, while mediation brought her natural strengths to life.

This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt slightly out of place in their career, struggled with an inner critic that just won't quieten, or found themselves caring for someone they love while quietly losing pieces of themselves in the process.

Rosemary introduces her signature what's wrong vs. what's strong framework — a deceptively simple lens that cuts through self-judgement and reorients how we think about mistakes, setbacks and personal growth. When we see a misstep through the "what's wrong" lens, we spiral into shame. When we shift to "what's strong," the same moment becomes a question: What have I learned? What could I do differently?

She also opens up about a deeply personal chapter — caring full-time for both ageing parents — and the conflicting emotions that rarely get named: love and resentment, devotion and grief, gratitude and guilt. Her upcoming second book offers language and tools for navigating exactly that.

In this episode:

• Why aligning your career with your strengths changes more than just your work
• How to become your own internal mediator and shift out of chronic self-criticism
• The emotional contradictions of caregiving — and how to hold them with compassion
• Practical advice for quiet achievers whose deep analysis tips into overthinking
• How to know when you're out of balance — and what to do about it

Resources Mentioned:

Rosemary's first book, It's Not You, It's Me, is available at her website https://www.rosemarygattuso.com and online.

Carer Gateway - an Australian Government program providing free services and support for carers.

Work with Serena

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Work with Serena Low at serenalow.com.au. 

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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Background

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome. My guest today is Rosemary Catuso, a dedicated professional in the field of alternate dispute resolution, specializing in family mediation and restorative justice practices. In her role as a family dispute resolution practitioner, she has guided numerous families through separation with a focus on respect and the well-being of children. Rosemary actively contributes to various restorative justice panels for government agencies. Her academic achievements include a robust record in undergraduate and postgraduate studies encompassing law, couples and family therapy, and family dispute resolution. Actively engaging with the community, Rosemary conducts workshops and information sessions on trauma-informed living and strengths-based practices. These sessions, held in high schools, businesses, and with mental health practitioners, aim to enhance resilience and encourage mindful introspection. Welcome, Rosemary Gattusso to the Quiet Warrior Podcast. Thank you, Serena. It's great to be here. I've been looking forward to this chat. Me

Leaving Law For Mediation

SPEAKER_01 1:16

too. Let's start at the very beginning with your professional journey. Tell us a bit about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Yeah, and I guess as you mentioned in the bio, I do initially have a legal uh background. And I'm not alone in being the first person to study law and not actually practice it. Um, and that was really how my my journey started. And it was really because I had to uh finish the college of law, and the college of law is part of the practical um training of becoming uh a solicitor and being registered, and that's where I was introduced to mediation. I had no idea what alternative dispute resolution was or mediation was before then, and it was the compulsory topic that most other students really hated. And for me, it was the first time that I really felt comfortable in the role, and it really resonated with me. And I knew at that point that that's what I needed to pursue. And so from then on, uh I basically went into roles that were more into alternative dispute resolution and trying to get experience to then become a mediator. And I always wanted to work with families, so being a family mediator was just a logical thing for me uh to do, and then um I eventually got there. Uh, and that also, I guess, is where my interest in human behavior and the reasons behind the way people respond to adversity. That's where it really started and led me to begin to explore what it means to be trauma-informed and also the reasons why people respond in certain ways.

Why Mediation Fits Some People

SPEAKER_01 3:03

What do you think it is about mediation and alternate dispute resolution that attracts you?

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Well, I think for starters, the it's more aligned with my characteristics and personality because I'm not a defender. I'm not someone who will naturally attack and it is very quick-witted in that moment, because in the legal setting, uh, that's what it demands. Not all the time, but even just that way of thinking. And but whereas when you're in mediation or alternative dispute resolution, uh, it's more of an open um space where both parties' views are respected and important. And it's not necessarily about one person winning over the other, it's about how they can work together so that they can both live with the outcome rather than an outcome being imposed on them. And then for my role, my role is to listen, to not take sides, to help guide the conversation. And those sort of skills are more aligned with my personality as well. So they they highlighted my strengths rather than my weaknesses. Being a solicitor highlighted my weaknesses.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

I'm glad you said that because there must be a lot of young lawyers as well as people who are considering their career options, students at school. And if law is one of their choices, they may have received different kinds of advice from other people who have some connection with the legal system. And they may have been told that, you know, you need to have a certain kind of personality. Maybe you need to be very confident, very quick on your feet, you know, very, very quick at answering and making things up on the spot and having a response always. So it's good to hear you mention that it's also important to notice and be aware of your own personality and your own strengths and to align those with your career choice.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Yes. And in fact, once I did take that step and, you know, became a mediator, it wasn't just my uh professional life that grew, but even my my personal life, my personal development, because it's all connected. You know, if you're in a job where you're consistently reminded of your weaknesses and what you're doing wrong and how you need to improve or how you should be like someone else, uh, it's quite damaging for your sense of self. It doesn't allow that growth. Whereas when you're in an environment doing a role that supports your strengths and helps them to grow and flourish and encourages you to believe in yourself, then your your sense of self grows and your confidence grows and your comfort with yourself.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Yes. I'm glad you mentioned the the way the personal and the professional, they move in parallel, they move in tandem. And we can't exclude one of them from consideration and say, oh, right now I'm focusing on my professional development and I don't have to think about what's happening at home or what happens outside of the nine to five because they're actually intertwined. We are one whole being and we have all these different aspects to us. So that's really important what you just stressed there. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_02 6:24

Oh, thank you. Yeah, it was it's a really um big moment for me or a big point for me because I can see uh quite an obvious change in my sense of self and my confidence and my ability to believe in myself once the role I was I was in helped me to see my own strengths. It gave me evidence of my strengths that perhaps I hadn't seen before because my previous jobs ignored them.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

So, what you're saying is then it's also important to go into a job with a sense of intention, not just taking whatever's available, but also being very mindful of what kind of work, what kind of environment makes me feel energized, what kind of environment allows me to use more of my strengths. And so there is that sense of taking charge and being responsible for the way our career unfolds, even at an early stage. Because I believe you were in law, in the practice of law for quite a short time, and most of your energies after that have been focused on the dispute resolution side of things. Yeah, that's correct.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

That's right.

What’s Wrong Versus What’s Strong

SPEAKER_01 7:37

So talk to us more about the strengths-based approach. I know you you told me in our initial interview that you frame it as what's wrong versus what's wrong. And that really impressed me and stuck with me. So can you talk us through that?

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Yes, sure. And I guess that's also part of the reason why I really love the strength-based approach and the language that's used in that theory and that approach by classifying all our thoughts, feelings, and actions as coming under what's wrong or what's wrong. Because you're right, once you hear that, it's hard to forget it. And even if, you know, maybe you're not um putting it in action, you can still hear it all the time in your head in terms of, oh, I was just all going down the path of what's wrong in that moment on you know, something very trivial. It's and it and it's really that awareness that uh helps that personal growth as well, not necessarily, you know, being positive, because when you hear what's wrong and what's wrong, you could say, well, it's about being positive, you know, looking at the strengths. But the way that I see it, it's really about learning from the times that we did go down the what's wrong path. I mean, look at my example of my own career. I had to get to where I didn't want to be, to realize. I mean, I thought that that was going to be my career. And then when I got there, I realized that actually that's not for me. It highlights my weaknesses. Although at that time I would never have um I guess articulated it that way. Um, but that's what was happening. But unless I had actually taken that step and gone down the path of what's not for me, I wouldn't have gone, I wouldn't get to where I am now. So I guess it's all part of finding out because you know, there's a lot of uh talk there of about um, you know, having a purposeful job and something that highlights your skills, and but actually getting there in reality is part of the challenge. But firstly, because we need money to survive, so sometimes we have to just take what is available and and what's easy and what's going to support us. But then the next step is then, well, when we do have that luxury of being able to sit back and say, well, where do I really want to put my energy and resources? Sometimes we get it wrong.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

So that that's part of the journey.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

What I'm hearing is there is a necessary role for that polarity, the contrast between the mistakes, the regrets versus the lessons that we usually learn on reflecting and looking back, hindsight being 2020. So at the time when we're going through it, we have no idea of how it's going to turn out. We don't know it's for the best, and the best only comes when we are looking back on it years later. That's what I've picked up from what you just shared there.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

That's right. And then if we apply the strengths-based approach to it, then when we are going down and viewing life through what's the what's wrong lens, we will interpret things that don't go well as a mistake. You know, and that will lead to a lot of shame, embarrassment, guilt, anger, frustration, you name it, anything sort of, you know, aligned to that. But when we can be a little bit more strength-based with ourselves, then the mistake becomes a learning opportunity. And then we're able to see, well, what are the benefits? What have I learned? What could I have done differently as a result, you know, of what would previously be seen as a mistake. And sometimes we have missed learn learning opportunities because we're simply not ready to have that growth yet or to see it that way. But yeah, that's really what strikes me as one of the biggest differences in the strengths-based approach in terms of being down the path of what's wrong and what's wrong in terms of mistakes.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

That is so encouraging to hear. What I'm hearing is have compassion and have grace for yourself, because none of us has got a manual or any kind of clue as to what we should be doing at every moment of the way. And so we are experimenting, we're trying things out, we're doing our best, we're making decisions as we go based on whatever information we have. And sometimes those lead to open doors, and sometimes the door gets shut. And then you it's what you said about the shame, the embarrassment. And I can relate to that personally because I was in law for 11 years. And when I left that, I too went through that, all those emotions that you just mentioned. And it's as well as thinking, was it a mistake? You know, should I regret this years from now? Have I done the wrong thing and all that? And we will always be second-guessing and trying to figure out whether we have done the right thing or the wrong thing, but there's no way we can actually know that in the present. So I think also alongside with the compassion and grace, there's also an element of trust that we have to trust ourselves, we have to trust life, we have to trust the process and give it time, you know, to unfold and to show us what's meant for our highest good.

Becoming Your Own Inner Mediator

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Yes, and and in order to do that, one of the things that I suggest is that we be our own mediator when we're reflecting, because when we're not, we're in judgment mode, and then we get into overthinking and self-criticism mode. But when we're in the mediator mode, we're independent, we're neutral, we don't take sides, we don't give a judgment. It's really just um, you know, almost being a witness to what's what's happened, or just being non-judgmental. So that's one part of it is how can we be our own mediator in our self-talk? And and that can also help um, I guess, transform that negative self-talk into uh reflection that can then result into uh increased resilience and and personal growth. But the reality is that a lot of our ability to do that is dependent on the view that we have of ourselves. So if the view that we have of ourselves is closer to what's wrong, then it's going to be harder for us to go through this uh reflection process that then leads to growth and increased resilience. And when our set uh our view of ourselves is closer to what's strong, then logically it's going to be easier for us to get into that reflection mode and see our own strengths and consequently build on our resilience.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

I see this as very pertinent for our quiet achievers and introverts who are listening to this, because a lot of us are already introspective by nature. We love reflecting, we love journaling, we love pondering. But I think what you just said there, there there is that fine line between doing all that in a healthy, holistic way and then tipping over, and it becomes too much. It becomes overthinking, it becomes the self-judgment, the self-criticism, which then leads to that shame and embarrassment. So what you're saying is reflection that is a strength space, it's more useful. So when we reflect, to take that into consideration, not to criticize ourselves, but to look for the learnings, to look for the opportunities, to look for what went well with it. Is that right?

SPEAKER_02 15:29

That's right. That's right. Uh but at the same time, sometimes we need that what's wrong uh process to help us get there.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Because there's a lot to be learned from uh looking at what we're actually doing or what we did and then what we didn't do. Because when we went, when we go down the path of what's wrong, we haven't gone down the path of what's strong. You know, we haven't taken that uh perspective. And that's that's where there's opportunity uh for growth. And it's sometimes it's not about always being on the path of what's strong, but how quickly we can get there and how how much we can actually uh reflect and learn and take on and use in the future once we are there.

unknown 16:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

So to the reflection, we would then add, what can I do differently next time? What can I do better next time? Which then puts us into that position of having agency, having control, and having an intention to act differently the next time. So that makes us more solution focused and gives us hope as well.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

That's right. And then it's we move from being a victim to being a survivor to being empowered in making our decisions and taking control of our environment, our situation, however we, whatever circumstances we have come across, um we're able to position ourselves uh in a in a better spot in terms of the impacts that adversity can have on our overall well-being and quality of life. It's really about uh quality of life. And sometimes what I like to do is look at celebrities or people I know or have heard of or read about who have overcome adversity and read their stories and see, you know, what was their approach. And more often than not, there's a mixture of the good and the bad, you know, or maybe they had to go rock bottom before they were then able to overcome and not go back or not go back to that uh extent. And it's almost like uh the quality of our thoughts can be a form of addiction, you know. So we might have a tendency to go down the negative or go down the what's wrong path because that's what we were taught. That's what our experience showed us we had to do, that became our default, and and then that's how we survived life. So then it's it's a habit. And so then if that was uh a sort of addiction to something physical, we know that it takes time to undo that, and sometimes we don't get it right the first time, and and we need to draw on whatever supports all different types, you know, um, emotional, physical, spiritual, whatever works to get over that addiction. And I think the the our thought processes uh, you know, could be looked at in this in the same way and with the same approach and the same compassion as well that we would give to someone who you know had some kind of um substance abuse.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Okay. So what you said is that the quality of our thoughts is something we need to pay more attention to, to be aware of those thoughts, what kind of thoughts they are, whether they are true, whether they are leading us in a certain direction that's going to be more empowering, or whether it's going to lead us away from and thus perhaps deplete us or undermine us. So that's a great point. And that leads me to ask you about your book.

The Book Tool For Adversity

SPEAKER_01 19:28

You've written a book called It's Not You, It's Me. What is this book about? Who is it for? What was your intention in writing it?

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Well, uh, when I wrote that book, it was really a reflection of what I noticed in the way people managed adversity through a strength-based lens and a physical tool that sort of evolved um in that process and in my in my work to help name what's happening and what's not happening. So when we're uh when our thoughts, feelings, and actions are close going down the path of what's wrong, then we're moving away from what's what's wrong. Uh and I mean what's wrong can look like judgment, criticism, um, you know, being victim, focusing on the past. There's a whole lot, and you can you can come up with your own. It doesn't have to be fixed like what's in my book. And then the opposite is the what's strong side, where we're not being judgmental, we're showing understanding. We're not showing criticism, we're showing respect. We're not sort of more stuck in the past, we've got a more present and future focus. And what I noticed in the mediation rooms is that I might have two similar families with very similar circumstances but vastly different outcomes. And the main difference was the perspective that whether or not the the dominant lens was what's wrong or what's strong. And that's uh really how this book was was born. And it's about sharing this uh strength-based approach and ways to use uh that that theory in day-to-day life. So there's several uh reflection tasks throughout the book that build on each of the concepts because it's not just about you know using what's wrong and what's wrong to classify what's happening. You know, I also look at what are our thoughts, feelings, and actions in relation to ourselves and in relation to others, anyone around us, our external, anything external to us. It could be a situation, an event, um, a place. And so the the book is is really uh about these observations and ways for readers to then put in place these concepts in their own scenarios, their own circumstances through the reflection tasks.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Right. So I'll make sure to have the link to the book in the Notes for our readers. And so that is the first book. And I understand you've just published another one as well.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

Well, yeah, it's not out yet, but it'll be out hopefully by end of May, June this year. Yes. And what is your second book about?

Caring Roles And Identity Shifts

SPEAKER_02 22:16

So the second book is about being a carer and how and it provides a way for carers to name uh what's happening in their experience, but from an emotional perspective. Because, you know, I am a carer uh and for for both of my uh my aging parents, and what I noticed is that in my thoughts about my role and even my interactions with my parents, that sometimes they came under what's wrong, and sometimes they came under what's strong, and that when they came under what's wrong, there was a tendency to derail the situation and and even just for me to be overwhelmed and um burnt out, and then I guess for my parents to then pick that up because of the way that I would be interacting uh with them, or even just in terms of their own ability, you know. But whereas when it's more down the path of what's strong, it's more empowering, it's more collaborative, uh, and it just feels a lot uh lighter. Uh, there's much better outcomes in terms of the quality of the care and as well as my own um reflective process. But I mean, the fact is being a carer can be quite challenging and every day is different. So you can't necessarily always be on the path of what's strong. And again, it's learning from the times that you weren't. Because what I found is for carers, when we are going down the path of what's strong or what's wrong, sorry, and that becomes the dominant path, then it's a valuable clue to help us, you know, look at well, what what what has changed or what needs to be changed in this situation because it's it's not working the way it is. So uh and and also to be on the path of what's wrong with people who are uh dependent on you, you know, is is quite uh harmful. It's not pleasant. And sometimes it's easier not to, sometimes it's easier to go down on that path, but it's about taking it all as a clue, as a clue to uh how balanced the situation is or how out of balance the situation is, and that something needs to change, and whether or not that change is um getting more support or engaging in other services or or taking a break or delegating or outsourcing, you know, there's lots of options there, but here it's about using which path is dominating, which lens, what's wrong or what's strong, as a clue to how much imbalance or out of balance I am.

Handling Conflicting Carer Emotions

SPEAKER_01 25:17

On a day-to-day basis, how do you manage the contradictory emotions? Because I can imagine that based on what you just said about whether we're using the lens of what's wrong and what's strong. But on top of that, our own physical state, our own season of health that we are in, um, all the other commitments and responsibilities that are going on in our lives, and then you're balancing that with active care. How do you manage your emotions?

SPEAKER_02 25:48

Yeah, well, that's really what the book is about. And I look at um this idea of the contradictions that are present in caring, where you can feel devotion towards someone and the situation, but then at the same time feel resentment. Yes. You know, or feel um and you know, guilty, but also feel love.

unknown 26:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

You know, or feel gratitude, but also be grieving. And so uh it's I I guess really about um being open and honest about the situation uh in terms of you know what's possible and and what's not possible um or physically possible from uh you know from that perspective. But again, it goes back to awareness. Once you have that awareness of, you know, this is this is really challenging, and I don't normally re- I'm not normally that reactive. So what is it about the scenario? Uh have I taken on too much? You know, is it time for a change? Is it time uh for a break, you know, and noticing, I mean, it's it's one of the ways that I can tell how much in balance or out of balance uh I am is about the quality of my thoughts, my interactions with myself and also with others and the way that I talk about being a carer. Because some days it's it's more positive, some days uh it's not. And I think for me, part of it, what helped in balancing these emotions, these contradicting emotions, because they're always present. It's more about what's the impact on the quality of life, my quality of life, and also the quality of care. So the first thing that was for me was able to relieve a bit of that stress was for me to accept that I am a carer. Because there was a point in time where I was still, you know, probably full-time carer, but then people would say to me, Oh, what do you do? And I would say, I'm a mediator. And the caring was just wasn't mentioned, or it was minimized, or I just didn't talk about it much. And then I noticed that at the point in time where I accepted, actually, no, I am a carer, and this is my job, and everything else is sort of outside that, and uh or you know, after after hours, then I can do other things. Um, that was uh a big turning point for me. I mean, it sounds very trivial, but it also reflected that I had accepted that that is my role, that is my choice. This is how what I've decided to do now. And so then how can I uh then sit and feel resentment or feel anger or feel guilt? I mean, I still feel I still can feel them, but some days they're just not as not as heavy because I know. Well, I've chosen this and I've accepted that at this point in time this is my role.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

And I don't say I'm I'm a family mediator. You know, I say, well, first I'm a Kira. That was a big change for me.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Yes, yes, and that's a change I really want to acknowledge and highlight for the benefit of those who are listening, because it's not easy when you have built a professional practice and a professional identity to then accept that right now something else is taking priority. And we can know that intellectually, but also feel inside ourselves all these turmoil of emotions, contradictory emotions like what you mentioned earlier, the guilt, the resentment, the regret, the you know, all sorts of things. And you can have that going on with being high functioning, with being a really good human being, and still have these emotions. So I think for those who are listening who may be going through something similar, it's really helpful to hear you say that it is possible to experience that duality of emotions, to be very honest with ourselves, to allow ourselves to express that this is how I feel right now. And maybe I need help with this, maybe I need boundaries over there, maybe I need some kind of support, some alternatives. And to be able to articulate that, I think is a great advantage. And it's something I think people who are carers would appreciate hearing from you that this is something it's okay for them to talk about, and it's okay for them to say, to name those emotions, even if they are difficult emotions because others might judge us or we might judge ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Yes, and yeah, that's a good point because it's given language to the experience that isn't always spoken about.

SPEAKER_04 31:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

Or they might be a little bit of shame around it. And I guess what I'm saying is this is what happened, this is the reality of being a carer that on a daily, um, you know, on a daily basis, you can feel contradictions, contradicting emotions about your role, about the situation, about the people that you care for. But it's really about using that, firstly, as clues to your experience and what you need as well, um, but also knowing um that you know sometimes there come there comes a time where it's not just about accepting the role, but also accepting when maybe it's time to end or it's going to change drastically as well. And that's where we look at well, what is really, what are these contradictions saying about the impact of this role on the quality of life for everyone? Because if you have a stressed carer, you're going to have uh a stressed, um, vulnerable person that you're caring for.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

That is true. That is true. And that is such a good point to raise because we tend to get very binary in our thinking when it comes to certain aspects of life, like it's right for this person to be cared for this way, but then forgetting to balance out what are the needs of other people who are involved, such as the one who is doing the bulk of the caring. And then where do other people fit in and not have to worry about how are other people outside of the family going to judge? How do we as a family stay together and have a holistic and practical and sustainable way of taking care of this caring situation? So, what you are sharing here is so, so helpful, Rosemary, for all the people who are carers, who are listening and who are feeling some of that conflicting emotion and wondering whether it's even okay for them to name it and to say that they have limits and to ask that those limits be respected. So I think this is a kind of self-leadership as well, what you're advocating here.

Boundaries And Who You Tell

SPEAKER_02 33:34

Yes, that's right. And sometimes that's you know, about putting up boundaries and whether or not that's boundaries in relation in relation to the role itself, in relation to the thoughts that I'm having about myself in the in the role, because sometimes we need to put boundaries up for ourselves to stop things sort of um escalating, or um physical boundaries in terms of delegating things and and getting more help. But another um point actually that uh has come up is also how much carers do then give give to other people in terms of um, I guess more the details of their role. And this is also part of the dilemma because carers need to vent sometimes, and carers sometimes don't get the acknowledgement that perhaps they might want or need, or so it's easy for carers to then vent to their friends, families, neighbours, whoever it is, about their role. And if the person they're sharing to, maybe vents a bit of a harsh word, it's more about sharing, the person they're sharing, sharing this information with isn't a carer and doesn't have that experience or understand, then uh I guess it might not get the the response or the support that that individual carer needs in that moment. And it's also about using discretion with how much we share and with who. Yes. That's I guess what I've learned. And it actually, a friend of mine who's um cared for both her parents who had both passed away now. One of the things she said to me is you don't have to tell everyone the details of what's happening because when I did, I regretted it because it just caused more stress for her. And I didn't understand it then, but now I do, because the other people looking on who aren't carers will tell you that you're doing too much, or you need to delegate, or you need to do and without knowing your scenario, or it might be too heavy for them. Yes, and they won't know, or they'll have an opinion, and so I think also it's also about putting up boundaries with people who instead of supporting you, they'll show you what's wrong in the situation, or what you're doing wrong, or what you need to change. Yes, or maybe don't and also being a carer means you have a relationship generally, that you have a good relationship with the person you're caring for. Uh, and you know, unfortunately, not everyone does have good quality relationships with their parents, with their siblings, with whoever it is. So the opportunity to be a carer just wouldn't, it wouldn't be on the table because there isn't that relationship. And that's not to be judgmental, but that's just how it works. Why would you prioritize the life of another if you didn't care for them deeply? So then if you as a carer are sharing details uh with someone who doesn't have a similar, you know, um bond or relationship with their, you know, loved ones, parents, whoever it is, then um that can also result in a challenging response. Because that that can, you know, well, I wouldn't do that for my parents. Why are you doing it for yours? And whether or not it's said or not, but that can be uh that can come out in the response. So that's yet one of the things putting up boundaries or being mindful of who you share things with, because if they're not able to hold and hold the space and hold you, then it's uh it's it you might regret it. And it will cause unnecessary stress where the idea is to connect with people who can support you, who can um help, and whether or not that's professionals who you know there's carer gateway. Um, each state in in Australia has um, you know, an agency where that that supports carers, and that's one way, or connecting with other carers, whether or not that's in communities, in nursing homes, in service providers, or just family and friends that you know.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Yes. So, in other words, be very mindful, be very discerning in who you tell your troubles to, because yes, you as a carer will need someone to whom it's safe to share with some, you know, some intimate details, some frustrations that only you can understand and someone with a similar lived experience can understand. So choose that listener carefully, make sure they are a safe person, make sure they are trustworthy, a person of integrity, that you can say things safely to and would hold that space and be and treat it confidentially too, because you don't want that stuff to be bouncing around all around the neighborhood, for instance, and then it comes back and it affects other people as well as yourself. So, yes, there's a lot of wisdom

Introvert Takeaways And Closing

SPEAKER_01 38:58

in there. So, what is one thing you would like our listeners today, who are predominantly introverts and quiet achievers, to take away from this conversation?

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Well, I guess a big thing for introverts is this um tendency to analyze things and quietly analyze things, which isn't a problem. I guess the problem is when this analysis goes down the path of what's wrong, that's where we can get stuck. So it's more about the awareness of the quality of our own analysis. Is it going down the path of what's wrong or what's wrong? And when it doesn't, then how can we flip that? Or what's that showing us? Um what can we learn from that?

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Beautiful. So starting with a philosophy of what's wrong versus what's strong, looking for the clues, trusting the process, allowing ourselves to find the learning opportunities, and also extending compassion and grace and trust. Because all of this none of us, you know, chooses our circumstances intentionally, especially when it's something as heavy, as caregiving full-time, and the identity shifts that come with it, as well as the conflicting emotions. So, what you've just led us through is a wonderful, very healthy and sustainable lens, I think, for us to start thinking about and approaching how to manage and navigate this season of our lives, which also affects other people. So thank you so much, Rosemary, for sharing your wisdom with us today. Thank you. It's been lovely chatting. And I'll make sure to have all the links to your social media, to your books, and to your website in the show notes for our listeners. If you're a quiet woman leader who wants to be seen without having to perform extroversion, I'm offering a 30-minute executive diagnostic call, book yours at seretalo.com.au. See you on the next episode. High-performing introverts with leadership ambition don't lack competence. What many of them lack is a psychologically safe and sustainable pathway to visibility and leadership. If you're successful on paper, but still feel unseen, overextended, or quietly stuck at the same level despite everything you've achieved, the scene executive calibration was designed for you. It helps identify the deeper patterns that may be affecting how you communicate, advocate for yourself, lead, and show up professionally. You'll find the link in the show notes.