{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":5.609,"endTime":14.249,"body":"So yeah, let's talk about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":5.609,"endTime":14.249,"body":"origins. This podcast contains"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":14.249,"endTime":17.849,"body":"material intended for a mature"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":14.249,"endTime":17.849,"body":"audience before proceeding,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":17.879,"endTime":21.059,"body":"please check your local laws and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":17.879,"endTime":21.059,"body":"confirm that you are an adult."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":38.22,"endTime":42.15,"body":"Welcome to full cow or podcast"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":38.22,"endTime":42.15,"body":"about leather kink BDSM. My name"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":42.15,"endTime":45.75,"body":"is edge and I will be your host."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":42.15,"endTime":45.75,"body":"And I'm so very grateful that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":45.75,"endTime":49.08,"body":"you have joined me for this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":45.75,"endTime":49.08,"body":"first episode, I want to start"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":49.08,"endTime":51.96,"body":"by giving you an overview of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":49.08,"endTime":51.96,"body":"what we'll be doing, each"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":51.96,"endTime":55.59,"body":"episode will have a theme, and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":51.96,"endTime":55.59,"body":"we'll explore that theme through"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":55.62,"endTime":59.04,"body":"three segments. In the first"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":55.62,"endTime":59.04,"body":"segment, I'll offer some sort of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":59.04,"endTime":62.28,"body":"story from my own leather"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":59.04,"endTime":62.28,"body":"journey as a way of providing a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":62.28,"endTime":65.13,"body":"point of entry or"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":62.28,"endTime":65.13,"body":"identification, or perhaps even"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":65.13,"endTime":68.37,"body":"a counterpoint to your own"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":65.13,"endTime":68.37,"body":"experience. But we'll also be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":68.37,"endTime":71.37,"body":"using that to think about some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":68.37,"endTime":71.37,"body":"larger lessons about the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":71.37,"endTime":75.69,"body":"community and how it operates."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":71.37,"endTime":75.69,"body":"In the second segment, I'll"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":75.69,"endTime":79.89,"body":"offer some more practical kink"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":75.69,"endTime":79.89,"body":"knowledge or leather history to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":80.4,"endTime":84.75,"body":"build or expand your base of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":80.4,"endTime":84.75,"body":"knowledge and experience. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":84.75,"endTime":87.48,"body":"then the third segment, we'll do"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":84.75,"endTime":87.48,"body":"an interview. And I feel that's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":87.48,"endTime":91.17,"body":"critically important, because"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":87.48,"endTime":91.17,"body":"the only thing I will ever be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":91.17,"endTime":95.28,"body":"offering here is my experience."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":91.17,"endTime":95.28,"body":"Now I have a lot of it. I've"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":95.28,"endTime":98.88,"body":"been in the leather community"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":95.28,"endTime":98.88,"body":"for over 30 years, but my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":98.88,"endTime":101.94,"body":"experience is limited to a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":98.88,"endTime":101.94,"body":"particular socio cultural"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":101.97,"endTime":106.89,"body":"context, and is filtered through"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":101.97,"endTime":106.89,"body":"a particular set of privileged"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":106.92,"endTime":110.67,"body":"lenses. So I'd like to bring in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":106.92,"endTime":110.67,"body":"some more voices to sort of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":110.67,"endTime":113.7,"body":"expand the context for your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":110.67,"endTime":113.7,"body":"understanding of the community,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":114.0,"endTime":117.3,"body":"and where you might find"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":114.0,"endTime":117.3,"body":"yourself in relation to it. Now,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":117.33,"endTime":120.96,"body":"I might occasionally also add in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":117.33,"endTime":120.96,"body":"some extra segments, perhaps"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":120.96,"endTime":125.16,"body":"some erotic storytimes, or some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":120.96,"endTime":125.16,"body":"meditations or some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":125.16,"endTime":128.73,"body":"affirmations. But the basic"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":125.16,"endTime":128.73,"body":"structure will be a themed"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":128.76,"endTime":133.62,"body":"episode with three segments. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":128.76,"endTime":133.62,"body":"a note about sound. I'm gonna do"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":133.62,"endTime":137.43,"body":"my very best to produce a high"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":133.62,"endTime":137.43,"body":"quality podcast but I am not in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":137.43,"endTime":142.02,"body":"a studio I am in my office slash"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":137.43,"endTime":142.02,"body":"play room. You may occasionally"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":142.02,"endTime":144.72,"body":"hear my air conditioner pump"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":142.02,"endTime":144.72,"body":"running because Florida's always"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":144.72,"endTime":148.02,"body":"hot, you may hear my cat meowing"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":144.72,"endTime":148.02,"body":"and if you listen very"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":148.02,"endTime":151.71,"body":"carefully, you may hear the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":148.02,"endTime":151.71,"body":"creak of my leather as I will be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":151.71,"endTime":155.22,"body":"recording this in Langlands. So"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":151.71,"endTime":155.22,"body":"thank you for your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":155.25,"endTime":159.51,"body":"understanding. Our theme for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":155.25,"endTime":159.51,"body":"this first episode, fittingly"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":159.51,"endTime":165.06,"body":"enough, is origins. So we're"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":159.51,"endTime":165.06,"body":"gonna start by sharing my origin"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":165.06,"endTime":168.51,"body":"story, how my leather journey"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":165.06,"endTime":168.51,"body":"started looking at three key"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":168.51,"endTime":173.19,"body":"moments that really shaped the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":168.51,"endTime":173.19,"body":"trajectory of my journey. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":173.19,"endTime":176.55,"body":"the second segment, we'll be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":173.19,"endTime":176.55,"body":"talking about the old guard,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":176.79,"endTime":180.81,"body":"which is the classic origin"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":176.79,"endTime":180.81,"body":"story of the gay male American"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":180.81,"endTime":184.32,"body":"Leather community. Finally, in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":180.81,"endTime":184.32,"body":"the third segment, we'll be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":184.32,"endTime":188.37,"body":"doing interview with Matt, who"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":184.32,"endTime":188.37,"body":"will be sharing with us his"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":188.37,"endTime":192.12,"body":"origin story in his journey of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":188.37,"endTime":192.12,"body":"submission. I think we have a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":192.12,"endTime":194.88,"body":"really great episode for you,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":192.12,"endTime":194.88,"body":"and I really hope you enjoy it."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":195.42,"endTime":196.26,"body":"And let's get started."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":201.42,"endTime":205.59,"body":"So, this is my origin story, the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":201.42,"endTime":205.59,"body":"beginning of my leather journey."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":205.59,"endTime":209.34,"body":"And what I want to share with"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":205.59,"endTime":209.34,"body":"you are three important moments"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":209.34,"endTime":213.69,"body":"three way points, which really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":209.34,"endTime":213.69,"body":"shaped the trajectory of my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":213.69,"endTime":218.97,"body":"leather path. And the first one"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":213.69,"endTime":218.97,"body":"is the first time I ever had"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":219.0,"endTime":225.51,"body":"sex. I was 17. And growing up in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":219.0,"endTime":225.51,"body":"a little city outside of New"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":225.51,"endTime":229.92,"body":"Orleans called Harahan. Tiny"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":225.51,"endTime":229.92,"body":"little suburb, literally nestled"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":229.98,"endTime":235.23,"body":"into a bend of the Mississippi"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":229.98,"endTime":235.23,"body":"River. I was a heavy child. I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":235.23,"endTime":239.1,"body":"wasn't fat, but I was definitely"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":235.23,"endTime":239.1,"body":"chubby. ashamed of my body. I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":239.1,"endTime":242.04,"body":"struggled with my body all the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":239.1,"endTime":242.04,"body":"time and around 17 I decided I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":242.04,"endTime":245.85,"body":"was going to do something about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":242.04,"endTime":245.85,"body":"it. So I started walking along"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":245.85,"endTime":248.88,"body":"the levees. New Orleans, of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":245.85,"endTime":248.88,"body":"course has an extensive levee"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":248.88,"endTime":252.78,"body":"system to protect from flooding"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":248.88,"endTime":252.78,"body":"from the river. And I lived"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":252.78,"endTime":258.3,"body":"about a mile from the river. On"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":252.78,"endTime":258.3,"body":"Sundays, I would just start"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":258.3,"endTime":262.17,"body":"walking on top of the levee. I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":258.3,"endTime":262.17,"body":"was definitely trying to change"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":262.17,"endTime":265.92,"body":"my body. But looking back on it,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":262.17,"endTime":265.92,"body":"I was also looking for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":265.92,"endTime":271.38,"body":"something, something that I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":265.92,"endTime":271.38,"body":"intuitively sensed, I would find"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":271.41,"endTime":276.06,"body":"along that levee. Now the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":271.41,"endTime":276.06,"body":"Mississippi River by the time it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":276.06,"endTime":281.76,"body":"reaches New Orleans, it is so"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":276.06,"endTime":281.76,"body":"wide and so muddy and so"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":281.79,"endTime":286.17,"body":"turbulent. It is utterly"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":281.79,"endTime":286.17,"body":"majestic. And there's a little"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":286.17,"endTime":289.53,"body":"strip of land between the river"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":286.17,"endTime":289.53,"body":"and the levee called the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":289.53,"endTime":293.4,"body":"Bhature. And it's essentially a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":289.53,"endTime":293.4,"body":"floodplain the Mississippi river"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":293.4,"endTime":297.63,"body":"rises. It floods the Batcher"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":293.4,"endTime":297.63,"body":"hits the levee but does not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":297.63,"endTime":300.24,"body":"flood the city and everyone's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":297.63,"endTime":300.24,"body":"happy and part of what it does"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":300.24,"endTime":305.19,"body":"what it does that is it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":300.24,"endTime":305.19,"body":"deposits, rich, fertile soil on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":305.19,"endTime":309.27,"body":"The Bachelor. So the patch is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":305.19,"endTime":309.27,"body":"really quite wooded, and has all"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":309.27,"endTime":313.65,"body":"these little paths. And on one"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":309.27,"endTime":313.65,"body":"Sunday in particular, I was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":313.65,"endTime":317.58,"body":"walking on this path in the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":313.65,"endTime":317.58,"body":"woods of the Batcher. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":317.58,"endTime":322.44,"body":"noticed this man, shirtless,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":317.58,"endTime":322.44,"body":"walking two dogs, beautiful"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":322.44,"endTime":326.49,"body":"hairy chest, very heavy five"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":322.44,"endTime":326.49,"body":"o'clock shadow. I followed him,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":326.55,"endTime":330.48,"body":"I can't even tell you why. But I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":326.55,"endTime":330.48,"body":"followed him. And he stood right"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":330.51,"endTime":334.41,"body":"on the bank of the Mississippi"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":330.51,"endTime":334.41,"body":"River. And he winked at me. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":334.41,"endTime":338.79,"body":"I went over. And we kissed and I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":334.41,"endTime":338.79,"body":"remember very distinctly,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":339.06,"endTime":343.41,"body":"thinking at the moment of that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":339.06,"endTime":343.41,"body":"kiss this, this is what I've"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":343.41,"endTime":346.8,"body":"been waiting for. This is right,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":343.41,"endTime":346.8,"body":"this is what I was looking for."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":347.31,"endTime":350.7,"body":"It was my first kiss with the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":347.31,"endTime":350.7,"body":"man. He took me back to his"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":350.7,"endTime":354.63,"body":"place. And before we did"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":350.7,"endTime":354.63,"body":"anything else, I insisted he"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":354.63,"endTime":359.16,"body":"tied me up, because I had had"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":354.63,"endTime":359.16,"body":"fantasies of bondage for as far"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":359.16,"endTime":362.28,"body":"back as I can remember, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":359.16,"endTime":362.28,"body":"technically, fantasies of being"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":362.28,"endTime":366.24,"body":"kidnapped and tied up. But I've"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":362.28,"endTime":366.24,"body":"had fantasies of bondage, every"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":366.24,"endTime":370.44,"body":"memory I have, as far back as I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":366.24,"endTime":370.44,"body":"go, it was there. And he was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":370.44,"endTime":373.65,"body":"able to go down the street to a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":370.44,"endTime":373.65,"body":"friend's house and borrow a pair"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":373.65,"endTime":377.58,"body":"of handcuffs. And He handcuffed"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":373.65,"endTime":377.58,"body":"me. And then he put his dick in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":377.58,"endTime":381.84,"body":"his in my mouth, I think, Whoa,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":377.58,"endTime":381.84,"body":"wow, this this is, oh, this is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":381.84,"endTime":386.52,"body":"oral sex. Oh, this is a blow"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":381.84,"endTime":386.52,"body":"job. So my very first sexual"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":386.52,"endTime":390.9,"body":"experience was a kinky sexual"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":386.52,"endTime":390.9,"body":"experience. And that was the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":390.9,"endTime":394.08,"body":"beginning for me. And there are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":390.9,"endTime":394.08,"body":"a couple of important lessons, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":394.08,"endTime":396.69,"body":"think, embedded here. Number"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":394.08,"endTime":396.69,"body":"one, this sense that I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":396.69,"endTime":402.48,"body":"intuitively knew where to go to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":396.69,"endTime":402.48,"body":"look for men. You know, public"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":402.48,"endTime":408.42,"body":"cruising is a long tradition for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":402.48,"endTime":408.42,"body":"gay men in particular. And part"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":408.42,"endTime":412.83,"body":"because we were not allowed"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":408.42,"endTime":412.83,"body":"public spaces to openly meet"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":412.83,"endTime":416.37,"body":"each other. So we had to create"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":412.83,"endTime":416.37,"body":"our own spaces and lurk through"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":416.37,"endTime":419.94,"body":"them. And I think it's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":416.37,"endTime":419.94,"body":"fascinating that somehow we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":419.94,"endTime":424.56,"body":"sense we have some internal"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":419.94,"endTime":424.56,"body":"compass that orients us to those"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":424.56,"endTime":427.41,"body":"spaces. And that's really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":424.56,"endTime":427.41,"body":"something beautiful. And the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":427.41,"endTime":430.14,"body":"other thing I want to take away"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":427.41,"endTime":430.14,"body":"from this is the fact that I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":430.2,"endTime":433.59,"body":"always knew I was kinky. I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":430.2,"endTime":433.59,"body":"always knew I wanted bondage."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":433.62,"endTime":438.45,"body":"This was not a discovery, this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":433.62,"endTime":438.45,"body":"was inherent within me. Now, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":438.45,"endTime":443.85,"body":"certainly don't recommend anyone"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":438.45,"endTime":443.85,"body":"get tied up by someone they've"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":443.85,"endTime":447.93,"body":"just met on a levee in New"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":443.85,"endTime":447.93,"body":"Orleans, not the wisest thing,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":447.93,"endTime":453.06,"body":"but I was 17 and horny, and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":447.93,"endTime":453.06,"body":"therefore also a little stupid."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":454.53,"endTime":457.98,"body":"He ended up being a really sweet"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":454.53,"endTime":457.98,"body":"guy, we played quite a bit, we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":457.98,"endTime":461.67,"body":"played quite a bit. And that was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":457.98,"endTime":461.67,"body":"my first sexual experience. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":461.67,"endTime":464.61,"body":"it was a kinky one. The last"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":461.67,"endTime":464.61,"body":"lessons to take from that is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":464.61,"endTime":468.96,"body":"that it was fairly unique, you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":464.61,"endTime":468.96,"body":"know, this was 1987 17, it was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":468.96,"endTime":476.31,"body":"1997. And I came out and came"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":468.96,"endTime":476.31,"body":"out into leather simultaneously."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":476.91,"endTime":480.15,"body":"That's pretty common these days,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":476.91,"endTime":480.15,"body":"because there's so much"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":480.15,"endTime":483.09,"body":"information available on the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":480.15,"endTime":483.09,"body":"internet that you can very learn"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":483.42,"endTime":485.97,"body":"very easily learn your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":483.42,"endTime":485.97,"body":"identities all at once and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":485.97,"endTime":489.24,"body":"express them all at once, at"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":485.97,"endTime":489.24,"body":"least in virtual spaces. But in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":489.24,"endTime":493.65,"body":"1987, we didn't have internet we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":489.24,"endTime":493.65,"body":"didn't have, we didn't have cell"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":493.65,"endTime":498.54,"body":"phones, we had lower technology"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":493.65,"endTime":498.54,"body":"with ancient. So the fact that I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":498.54,"endTime":501.66,"body":"was able to kind of have my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":498.54,"endTime":501.66,"body":"first sexual experience as a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":501.66,"endTime":505.41,"body":"kinky sexual experience is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":501.66,"endTime":505.41,"body":"fairly unique, although far more"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":505.41,"endTime":509.88,"body":"common now, that was the first"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":505.41,"endTime":509.88,"body":"moment which really began my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":509.88,"endTime":515.25,"body":"leather journey. The second I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":509.88,"endTime":515.25,"body":"was probably 19. At this point,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":515.49,"endTime":518.34,"body":"I'd kind of accepted I was gay"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":515.49,"endTime":518.34,"body":"still fairly in the closet,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":518.34,"endTime":521.73,"body":"particularly with my family. But"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":518.34,"endTime":521.73,"body":"I had discovered where the bars"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":521.73,"endTime":526.14,"body":"were in the French Quarter. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":521.73,"endTime":526.14,"body":"I had met a DJ at the bourbon"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":526.14,"endTime":530.19,"body":"pub, which is still there on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":526.14,"endTime":530.19,"body":"Bourbon Street. And he took me"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":530.22,"endTime":534.69,"body":"on a date and he was buying me a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":530.22,"endTime":534.69,"body":"lot of drinks. He was getting me"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":534.69,"endTime":538.59,"body":"drunk. And at some point during"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":534.69,"endTime":538.59,"body":"the night, we wandered past or"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":538.59,"endTime":543.15,"body":"into jewels, which was one of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":538.59,"endTime":543.15,"body":"the leather bars in New Orleans,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":543.18,"endTime":548.04,"body":"tiny little bar. I mean, you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":543.18,"endTime":548.04,"body":"could spit to the end of it."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":548.25,"endTime":553.77,"body":"Very beautifully dirty, sleazy,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":548.25,"endTime":553.77,"body":"Classic Leather bar with really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":553.77,"endTime":556.98,"body":"great music. And I insisted he"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":553.77,"endTime":556.98,"body":"leave me there and I think he"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":556.98,"endTime":559.74,"body":"was kind of done with me and he"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":556.98,"endTime":559.74,"body":"was more than happy to do so."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":559.86,"endTime":565.02,"body":"That night at that bar. I met"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":559.86,"endTime":565.02,"body":"Mark and Wally two leather men a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":565.02,"endTime":570.03,"body":"couple who instantly became not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":565.02,"endTime":570.03,"body":"just my leather parents, but my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":570.03,"endTime":574.71,"body":"gay parents as well. They took"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":570.03,"endTime":574.71,"body":"me home while he put me in a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":574.71,"endTime":577.83,"body":"pair of chaps it was my first"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":574.71,"endTime":577.83,"body":"time ever wearing leather the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":577.83,"endTime":580.62,"body":"rest of the nights kind of fuzzy"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":577.83,"endTime":580.62,"body":"because you know, I was pretty"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":580.62,"endTime":584.94,"body":"drunk. But it was the beginning"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":580.62,"endTime":584.94,"body":"of an incredible sort of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":585.06,"endTime":588.93,"body":"mentorship. Not only did mark"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":585.06,"endTime":588.93,"body":"and Wally teach me about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":588.93,"endTime":591.99,"body":"leather, they had a dungeon and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":588.93,"endTime":591.99,"body":"they would frequently host"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":591.99,"endTime":596.19,"body":"little play parties. So I got"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":591.99,"endTime":596.19,"body":"exposed to quite a bit of stuff"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":596.19,"endTime":603.6,"body":"fisting. slings, poppers some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":596.19,"endTime":603.6,"body":"Drugs, yes, bondage, leather"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":603.63,"endTime":607.14,"body":"piercing all of these things I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":603.63,"endTime":607.14,"body":"had exposure to more than that."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":607.62,"endTime":611.4,"body":"They also taught me a lot about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":607.62,"endTime":611.4,"body":"gay life. They taught me about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":611.4,"endTime":614.7,"body":"fine dining and which fork to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":611.4,"endTime":614.7,"body":"use, they were involved with the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":614.7,"endTime":618.84,"body":"gay Mardi Gras cruise in New"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":614.7,"endTime":618.84,"body":"Orleans, I got my first tuxedo"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":618.84,"endTime":622.05,"body":"and went to my first ball and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":618.84,"endTime":622.05,"body":"really learned some of the finer"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":622.05,"endTime":625.98,"body":"aspects of life. And they"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":622.05,"endTime":625.98,"body":"remained very important. In my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":625.98,"endTime":631.5,"body":"early leather life, they were my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":625.98,"endTime":631.5,"body":"gay leather parents. And what's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":631.5,"endTime":634.38,"body":"remarkable about that is, you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":631.5,"endTime":634.38,"body":"know, you hear a lot about the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":634.38,"endTime":637.68,"body":"gatekeepers in the community,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":634.38,"endTime":637.68,"body":"the ones who want to determine"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":637.68,"endTime":641.79,"body":"who is or is not allowed in or"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":637.68,"endTime":641.79,"body":"what you have to wear to count"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":641.79,"endTime":645.18,"body":"as leather. And I'm not doubting"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":641.79,"endTime":645.18,"body":"that there are those people out"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":645.18,"endTime":650.04,"body":"there. 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And not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":692.49,"endTime":696.27,"body":"in any way formalized in our"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":696.27,"endTime":699.96,"body":"community. 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And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1058.76,"endTime":1063.02,"body":"most particularly a closed NIS,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1058.76,"endTime":1063.02,"body":"they were a tight knit group, as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1063.02,"endTime":1065.78,"body":"they were in the military, they"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1063.02,"endTime":1065.78,"body":"were a structured group as they"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1065.78,"endTime":1069.08,"body":"were in the military, they were"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1065.78,"endTime":1069.08,"body":"a group with clear lines of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1069.08,"endTime":1073.01,"body":"authority as they were in the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1069.08,"endTime":1073.01,"body":"military. And a lot of the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1073.01,"endTime":1076.73,"body":"things we believe in, when it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1073.01,"endTime":1076.73,"body":"comes to leather today come out"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1076.73,"endTime":1081.62,"body":"of that old guard context. Some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1076.73,"endTime":1081.62,"body":"of it is very basic initial"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1081.62,"endTime":1086.0,"body":"coding systems have keys on the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1081.62,"endTime":1086.0,"body":"left or right. Some of it is a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1086.0,"endTime":1089.75,"body":"particular reverence for leather"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1086.0,"endTime":1089.75,"body":"and gear and how it should be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1089.75,"endTime":1093.68,"body":"treated. There were specific"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1089.75,"endTime":1093.68,"body":"rules about for example, not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1093.71,"endTime":1098.78,"body":"touching the brim of another"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1093.71,"endTime":1098.78,"body":"man's cover. And there was some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1098.78,"endTime":1102.83,"body":"sense that leather had to be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1098.78,"endTime":1102.83,"body":"earned. Now, each city sort of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1102.83,"endTime":1107.21,"body":"had its own clusters of these"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1102.83,"endTime":1107.21,"body":"groups, these men who were"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1107.21,"endTime":1111.59,"body":"formed in very tight knit bonds"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1107.21,"endTime":1111.59,"body":"that did not automatically open"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1111.59,"endTime":1114.26,"body":"themselves to outsiders, it was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1111.59,"endTime":1114.26,"body":"not just a group, you could show"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1114.26,"endTime":1117.65,"body":"up and join, you had to be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1114.26,"endTime":1117.65,"body":"introduced and you had to be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1117.98,"endTime":1122.0,"body":"vetted. There was a sense that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1117.98,"endTime":1122.0,"body":"the old guard is a little bit"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1122.0,"endTime":1125.78,"body":"like the Eleusinian mysteries,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1122.0,"endTime":1125.78,"body":"that it was a sort of secret"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1125.78,"endTime":1130.25,"body":"rite of initiation into a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1125.78,"endTime":1130.25,"body":"particularly powerful kind of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1130.25,"endTime":1135.38,"body":"erotic knowledge. That's what we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1130.25,"endTime":1135.38,"body":"do know about old guard. We also"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1135.38,"endTime":1137.84,"body":"know that hey, there are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1135.38,"endTime":1137.84,"body":"actually some old guard"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1137.84,"endTime":1141.62,"body":"Leatherman actually alive today,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1137.84,"endTime":1141.62,"body":"actually writing about the old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1141.62,"endTime":1146.6,"body":"guard today. But late in the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1141.62,"endTime":1146.6,"body":"70s, and into the 80s, as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1146.6,"endTime":1149.75,"body":"leather bars became common as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1146.6,"endTime":1149.75,"body":"the sexual revolution, and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1149.75,"endTime":1153.65,"body":"Stonewall and groups like GMs"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1149.75,"endTime":1153.65,"body":"Ma, which we're doing education"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1153.65,"endTime":1157.34,"body":"as those things emerge. The"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1153.65,"endTime":1157.34,"body":"knowledge and the skills of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1157.34,"endTime":1160.88,"body":"leather and kinky practice, were"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1157.34,"endTime":1160.88,"body":"sort of democratized and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1160.88,"endTime":1164.57,"body":"available to everyone. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1160.88,"endTime":1164.57,"body":"not sure that destroy the old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1164.57,"endTime":1167.42,"body":"guard, there's certainly a sense"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1164.57,"endTime":1167.42,"body":"that the old guard can still"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1167.42,"endTime":1171.8,"body":"exist today, because it operated"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1167.42,"endTime":1171.8,"body":"in a kind of secrecy, and it may"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1171.8,"endTime":1174.41,"body":"still be there. I've not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1171.8,"endTime":1174.41,"body":"encountered it, and I've been in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1174.41,"endTime":1177.38,"body":"the scene for over 30 years. But"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1174.41,"endTime":1177.38,"body":"I do believe there are some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1177.38,"endTime":1181.49,"body":"people who have an unbroken"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1177.38,"endTime":1181.49,"body":"lineage of Old Guard training,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1181.97,"endTime":1186.02,"body":"which is very challenging if you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1181.97,"endTime":1186.02,"body":"think about the pandemic of AIDS"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1186.02,"endTime":1189.86,"body":"and HIV in the 80s as well as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1186.02,"endTime":1189.86,"body":"the pandemic we're going"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1189.86,"endTime":1192.71,"body":"through. Now, the fact that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1189.86,"endTime":1192.71,"body":"there could have been an"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1192.71,"endTime":1196.79,"body":"unbroken chain of initiation"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1192.71,"endTime":1196.79,"body":"that kept specific Old Guard"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1196.79,"endTime":1201.32,"body":"knowledge and traditions alive"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1196.79,"endTime":1201.32,"body":"is possible. by more and more or"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1201.32,"endTime":1207.23,"body":"less likely, that's what the old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1201.32,"endTime":1207.23,"body":"guard is. So, what does it do?"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1207.89,"endTime":1211.46,"body":"Well, today part of what it does"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1207.89,"endTime":1211.46,"body":"is, many people use it to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1211.46,"endTime":1215.78,"body":"express a particular style of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1211.46,"endTime":1215.78,"body":"doing leather. That includes an"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1215.78,"endTime":1222.68,"body":"emphasis on full leather, heavy"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1215.78,"endTime":1222.68,"body":"gear, impeccable gear, but also"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1222.74,"endTime":1227.45,"body":"a lot of protocol, a lot of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1222.74,"endTime":1227.45,"body":"rules of behavior for both tops"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1227.45,"endTime":1231.35,"body":"and bottoms. That's what people"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1227.45,"endTime":1231.35,"body":"generally mean these days when"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1231.35,"endTime":1235.25,"body":"they are say they are old guard,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1231.35,"endTime":1235.25,"body":"it's unlikely. They are part of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1235.25,"endTime":1238.61,"body":"an unbroken lineage not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1235.25,"endTime":1238.61,"body":"impossible, but unlikely. But"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1238.61,"endTime":1243.41,"body":"still, some people express old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1238.61,"endTime":1243.41,"body":"Cardenas through an affinity"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1243.47,"endTime":1246.77,"body":"through their sets of principles"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1243.47,"endTime":1246.77,"body":"and behaviors and actions."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1248.03,"endTime":1250.7,"body":"But the second thing the old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1248.03,"endTime":1250.7,"body":"guard does for the community as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1250.7,"endTime":1255.65,"body":"a whole is it acts as a kind of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1250.7,"endTime":1255.65,"body":"mythology. I like to say that if"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1255.65,"endTime":1259.49,"body":"the Old Guard had not existed,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1255.65,"endTime":1259.49,"body":"we would have been forced to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1259.49,"endTime":1263.36,"body":"invent them. Because as a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1259.49,"endTime":1263.36,"body":"community transforms into a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1263.36,"endTime":1267.05,"body":"culture, it develops a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1263.36,"endTime":1267.05,"body":"mythology, particularly a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1267.05,"endTime":1271.52,"body":"mythology of its origin. Now the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1267.05,"endTime":1271.52,"body":"downside of this when it comes"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1271.52,"endTime":1274.31,"body":"to old guard in the leather"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1271.52,"endTime":1274.31,"body":"community, instead, it often"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1274.31,"endTime":1278.72,"body":"acts today as a prelapsarian"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1274.31,"endTime":1278.72,"body":"mythology. And in Christian"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1278.72,"endTime":1281.78,"body":"theology. prelapsarian is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1278.72,"endTime":1281.78,"body":"everything before the fall of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1281.78,"endTime":1285.5,"body":"man, back in the Garden of Eden"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1281.78,"endTime":1285.5,"body":"back when everything was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1285.5,"endTime":1291.53,"body":"perfect, until the fall. So you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1285.5,"endTime":1291.53,"body":"might think of the mice have the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1291.53,"endTime":1295.28,"body":"old guard as the fall of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1291.53,"endTime":1295.28,"body":"leather. And now we live in this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1295.28,"endTime":1302.12,"body":"sinful, imperfect, non utopian"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1295.28,"endTime":1302.12,"body":"leather world. I often think"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1302.36,"endTime":1306.89,"body":"that old guard acts as our"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1302.36,"endTime":1306.89,"body":"shadow, we can't get away from"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1306.89,"endTime":1311.15,"body":"it. No matter where we go. The"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1306.89,"endTime":1311.15,"body":"Old Guard is still there. It is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1311.18,"endTime":1314.81,"body":"a distorted shape of the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1311.18,"endTime":1314.81,"body":"community. It is darkly"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1314.84,"endTime":1319.91,"body":"mysterious, and it is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1314.84,"endTime":1319.91,"body":"insubstantial. And like any"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1319.91,"endTime":1325.4,"body":"shadow, it is formed from lack."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1319.91,"endTime":1325.4,"body":"So often, when people deploy Old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1325.4,"endTime":1331.25,"body":"Guard, they do it with a kind of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1325.4,"endTime":1331.25,"body":"damaging nostalgia, of a longing"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1331.25,"endTime":1335.12,"body":"for the way things used to be."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1331.25,"endTime":1335.12,"body":"And there's nothing wrong with"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1335.12,"endTime":1337.61,"body":"nostalgia and there's nothing"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1335.12,"endTime":1337.61,"body":"wrong with looking back at the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1337.61,"endTime":1342.83,"body":"past and remembering it fondly"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1337.61,"endTime":1342.83,"body":"and wanting to return to it. But"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1342.83,"endTime":1347.81,"body":"this nostalgia is the same kind"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1342.83,"endTime":1347.81,"body":"of nostalgia that operates in a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1347.81,"endTime":1353.81,"body":"maga America, make America great"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1347.81,"endTime":1353.81,"body":"again, is not that far off from"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1353.93,"endTime":1358.31,"body":"make leather, great again, it is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1353.93,"endTime":1358.31,"body":"a longing to return to an"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1358.34,"endTime":1362.66,"body":"earlier better time, that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1358.34,"endTime":1362.66,"body":"probably wasn't that much"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1362.66,"endTime":1366.2,"body":"better, not in the way we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1362.66,"endTime":1366.2,"body":"imagined it. And I think that's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1366.2,"endTime":1370.1,"body":"true for old guard too. We want"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1366.2,"endTime":1370.1,"body":"to mythologize it. And we want"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1370.1,"endTime":1374.0,"body":"to see it as this sort of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1370.1,"endTime":1374.0,"body":"utopian leather age. But I was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1374.0,"endTime":1376.4,"body":"having a conversation with a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1374.0,"endTime":1376.4,"body":"local elder here in the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1376.4,"endTime":1378.77,"body":"community and talking about old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1376.4,"endTime":1378.77,"body":"guard. And he pointed out, you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1378.77,"endTime":1382.91,"body":"know, a lot of what they did all"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1378.77,"endTime":1382.91,"body":"the secrecy and you had to be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1382.91,"endTime":1386.06,"body":"initiated and brought in by"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1382.91,"endTime":1386.06,"body":"someone who could vet you, that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1386.06,"endTime":1390.5,"body":"wasn't just about the special"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1386.06,"endTime":1390.5,"body":"esprit de corps or protecting"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1390.5,"endTime":1394.13,"body":"the sacred erotic knowledge that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1390.5,"endTime":1394.13,"body":"they contain. It was also simply"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1394.13,"endTime":1397.4,"body":"the fact that homosexuals at the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1394.13,"endTime":1397.4,"body":"time, were oppressed and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1397.4,"endTime":1401.21,"body":"persecuted. And if someone found"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1397.4,"endTime":1401.21,"body":"out you're okay, let alone"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1401.48,"endTime":1405.11,"body":"kinky, you would lose your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1401.48,"endTime":1405.11,"body":"family, you would lose your job,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1405.29,"endTime":1410.15,"body":"you would lose your home. So as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1405.29,"endTime":1410.15,"body":"much as we want to valorize, the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1410.15,"endTime":1414.05,"body":"old guard as this perfect time"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1410.15,"endTime":1414.05,"body":"of leather. And if only we could"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1414.05,"endTime":1418.16,"body":"get back to it. Wow, wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1414.05,"endTime":1418.16,"body":"things be great. Let's also keep"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1418.16,"endTime":1421.82,"body":"in mind that they were operating"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1418.16,"endTime":1421.82,"body":"at extraordinarily challenging"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1421.82,"endTime":1426.8,"body":"time for queer peoples. And it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1421.82,"endTime":1426.8,"body":"wasn't all fun and games, there"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1426.8,"endTime":1430.91,"body":"had to be elements of fear there"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1426.8,"endTime":1430.91,"body":"as well. And I think that's what"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1430.91,"endTime":1435.41,"body":"makes the nostalgia damaging,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1430.91,"endTime":1435.41,"body":"because it rejects where we are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1435.41,"endTime":1439.82,"body":"today, in favor of going"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1435.41,"endTime":1439.82,"body":"backwards. And I don't think"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1439.82,"endTime":1444.71,"body":"going backwards is ever a really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1439.82,"endTime":1444.71,"body":"good idea. A third thing that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1444.71,"endTime":1448.19,"body":"the old guard does for the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1444.71,"endTime":1448.19,"body":"community today is it really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1448.19,"endTime":1454.34,"body":"reflects people's hunger, for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1448.19,"endTime":1454.34,"body":"structure for certainty for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1454.34,"endTime":1458.45,"body":"knowing the rules for knowing"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1454.34,"endTime":1458.45,"body":"how things are supposed to be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1458.45,"endTime":1461.84,"body":"done. And part of that I think,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1458.45,"endTime":1461.84,"body":"is probably inherent in power"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1461.84,"endTime":1464.45,"body":"exchange dynamics, you know,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1461.84,"endTime":1464.45,"body":"you're a boy, you're a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1464.45,"endTime":1468.71,"body":"submissive, your slave, you want"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1464.45,"endTime":1468.71,"body":"to be told what to do. But I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1468.71,"endTime":1472.7,"body":"also think it's about how just"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1468.71,"endTime":1472.7,"body":"disorienting the journey into"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1472.7,"endTime":1476.75,"body":"kink can be. When we have so few"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1472.7,"endTime":1476.75,"body":"guides and we have so few"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1476.75,"endTime":1480.89,"body":"mentors, and making your way can"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1476.75,"endTime":1480.89,"body":"be extremely challenging. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1480.89,"endTime":1484.34,"body":"wow, wouldn't it be great if"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1480.89,"endTime":1484.34,"body":"there were a set of rules, you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1484.34,"endTime":1487.58,"body":"could read and follow and know"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1484.34,"endTime":1487.58,"body":"what the hell you were doing?"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1488.39,"endTime":1491.27,"body":"And that's part of what the Old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1488.39,"endTime":1491.27,"body":"Guard provides the sense that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1491.93,"endTime":1495.71,"body":"there's the hidden tome of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1491.93,"endTime":1495.71,"body":"knowledge, and I'm so hungry to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1495.71,"endTime":1499.43,"body":"know how I'm supposed to do"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1495.71,"endTime":1499.43,"body":"this, because I just don't know"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1499.43,"endTime":1502.4,"body":"I know I want on it, but no"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1499.43,"endTime":1502.4,"body":"one's telling me how to do it."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1503.12,"endTime":1505.91,"body":"And I think that's something as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1503.12,"endTime":1505.91,"body":"a community, we may at some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1505.91,"endTime":1508.4,"body":"point want to address, we may"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1505.91,"endTime":1508.4,"body":"want to think about people's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1508.43,"endTime":1511.97,"body":"longing for structure. And I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1508.43,"endTime":1511.97,"body":"think we do that somewhat"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1511.97,"endTime":1515.03,"body":"through leather families and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1511.97,"endTime":1515.03,"body":"through tribes. But there is a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1515.03,"endTime":1519.02,"body":"longing for structure, that also"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1515.03,"endTime":1519.02,"body":"then points back to the old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1519.02,"endTime":1519.56,"body":"guard."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1521.45,"endTime":1524.99,"body":"So there are two takeaways, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1521.45,"endTime":1524.99,"body":"hope you bring from this segment"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1524.99,"endTime":1528.53,"body":"on the old guard. The first is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1524.99,"endTime":1528.53,"body":"the actual historical knowledge"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1528.53,"endTime":1532.19,"body":"that they existed. That's where"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1528.53,"endTime":1532.19,"body":"we started, we owe our existence"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1532.19,"endTime":1535.34,"body":"to things they did, and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1532.19,"endTime":1535.34,"body":"relationships they formed and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1535.34,"endTime":1540.05,"body":"patterns of movement and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1535.34,"endTime":1540.05,"body":"styling, an activity and culture"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1540.05,"endTime":1543.68,"body":"that they made, were the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1540.05,"endTime":1543.68,"body":"embryonic seeds, which made us"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1543.68,"endTime":1546.95,"body":"today. And for that we want to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1543.68,"endTime":1546.95,"body":"take the past and we want to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1546.95,"endTime":1551.12,"body":"honor it. And we want to see"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1546.95,"endTime":1551.12,"body":"ourselves as part of that past"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1551.12,"endTime":1554.99,"body":"part of that tradition. That's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1551.12,"endTime":1554.99,"body":"the first takeaway. But the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1554.99,"endTime":1560.18,"body":"second is, let's honor the past"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1554.99,"endTime":1560.18,"body":"without trying to return to it."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1560.78,"endTime":1565.13,"body":"Let's try not to dismiss the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1560.78,"endTime":1565.13,"body":"community we have today, in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1565.13,"endTime":1568.94,"body":"favor of some community earlier"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1565.13,"endTime":1568.94,"body":"that we thought was perfect,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1569.21,"endTime":1574.22,"body":"which probably wasn't. Instead,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1569.21,"endTime":1574.22,"body":"I would like to invite you to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1574.22,"endTime":1578.06,"body":"start moving towards a new"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1574.22,"endTime":1578.06,"body":"future. And that future is the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1578.06,"endTime":1582.05,"body":"leather community as you want it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1578.06,"endTime":1582.05,"body":"to be. I don't know how old you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1582.05,"endTime":1585.02,"body":"are, I don't know how"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1582.05,"endTime":1585.02,"body":"experienced you are, I know that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1585.02,"endTime":1589.7,"body":"I am 51, going on 52. And that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1585.02,"endTime":1589.7,"body":"my time of shaping this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1589.7,"endTime":1593.51,"body":"community is certainly coming to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1589.7,"endTime":1593.51,"body":"a close. One of the reasons I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1593.51,"endTime":1596.9,"body":"did this podcast and the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1593.51,"endTime":1596.9,"body":"education I do on social media"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1596.9,"endTime":1601.61,"body":"is because I feel it's important"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1596.9,"endTime":1601.61,"body":"to me, for me to pass on what I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1601.61,"endTime":1605.57,"body":"know, because I don't know how"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1601.61,"endTime":1605.57,"body":"much time I have left. But I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1605.57,"endTime":1608.33,"body":"don't have as much time as I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1605.57,"endTime":1608.33,"body":"used to that. Sure that's for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1608.33,"endTime":1613.61,"body":"sure. So I want to encourage you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1608.33,"endTime":1613.61,"body":"where you are in this point in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1613.61,"endTime":1617.72,"body":"time to start shaping the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1613.61,"endTime":1617.72,"body":"community you want. And part of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1617.72,"endTime":1621.59,"body":"that might mean drawn from Old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1617.72,"endTime":1621.59,"body":"Guard values and principles,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1621.59,"endTime":1625.31,"body":"things like integrity, which was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1621.59,"endTime":1625.31,"body":"pretty critical, and then"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1625.31,"endTime":1629.63,"body":"operating that in your own"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1625.31,"endTime":1629.63,"body":"leather life. But it might also"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1629.66,"endTime":1634.73,"body":"mean shifting into new domains"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1629.66,"endTime":1634.73,"body":"outside of the old guard, which"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1634.73,"endTime":1639.32,"body":"would have been based on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1634.73,"endTime":1639.32,"body":"exclusivity. Instead of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1639.35,"endTime":1645.05,"body":"inclusivity. Based on closed"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1639.35,"endTime":1645.05,"body":"newness instead of openness,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1645.5,"endTime":1650.15,"body":"based on denial instead of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1645.5,"endTime":1650.15,"body":"access. And you may want a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1650.15,"endTime":1654.5,"body":"community that people can get"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1650.15,"endTime":1654.5,"body":"into. I certainly wish that for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1654.5,"endTime":1658.79,"body":"you. So when it comes to our"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1654.5,"endTime":1658.79,"body":"origins, let's remember the old"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1658.79,"endTime":1662.48,"body":"guard and honor them, and keep"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1658.79,"endTime":1662.48,"body":"them in our hearts and our"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1662.48,"endTime":1667.04,"body":"minds. But let's not try to be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1662.48,"endTime":1667.04,"body":"them. Because I think it's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1667.04,"endTime":1671.96,"body":"always a little damaging. If we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1667.04,"endTime":1671.96,"body":"allow ourselves to be trapped in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1671.96,"endTime":1677.66,"body":"a past that wasn't as perfect as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1671.96,"endTime":1677.66,"body":"it seems. And doesn't have near"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1677.66,"endTime":1682.79,"body":"the possibility of any future,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1677.66,"endTime":1682.79,"body":"particularly the future, we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1682.79,"endTime":1691.85,"body":"intentionally consciously shake."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1682.79,"endTime":1691.85,"body":"And I'm here with Matt, who is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1691.85,"endTime":1695.81,"body":"someone I absolutely adore. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1691.85,"endTime":1695.81,"body":"the truth is I don't adore a lot"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1695.81,"endTime":1698.81,"body":"of people, Matt, welcome to full"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1695.81,"endTime":1698.81,"body":"cow."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.01,"endTime":1703.1,"body":"Well, thank you. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.01,"endTime":1703.1,"body":"really great to be adored. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1703.1,"endTime":1705.62,"body":"it's great to be on your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1703.1,"endTime":1705.62,"body":"podcast. Thanks for having me."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1706.04,"endTime":1708.47,"body":"Great. Can you tell us"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1706.04,"endTime":1708.47,"body":"how you identify in the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1708.47,"endTime":1712.49,"body":"community and what your pronouns"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1708.47,"endTime":1712.49,"body":"are? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1712.7,"endTime":1721.7,"body":"so my pronouns are he. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1712.7,"endTime":1721.7,"body":"I identify as both a boy and a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1721.7,"endTime":1725.63,"body":"slave depending on context."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1726.32,"endTime":1727.73,"body":"Oh, well, that's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1726.32,"endTime":1727.73,"body":"something we're gonna have to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1727.73,"endTime":1731.27,"body":"unpack. But let's start at the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1727.73,"endTime":1731.27,"body":"beginning. This is a show about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1731.54,"endTime":1734.96,"body":"origins. So how did your journey"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1731.54,"endTime":1734.96,"body":"into submission start?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.04,"endTime":1740.6,"body":"Yeah, let's start there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.04,"endTime":1740.6,"body":"So my journey started about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.84,"endTime":1748.7,"body":"eight years ago. And it started"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.84,"endTime":1748.7,"body":"fairly randomly, actually. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.7,"endTime":1751.55,"body":"know, it's interesting, since"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.7,"endTime":1751.55,"body":"I've been out in the community"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.55,"endTime":1754.73,"body":"for several years now, I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.55,"endTime":1754.73,"body":"gotten to hear other people's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.73,"endTime":1759.56,"body":"origin stories. And I know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.73,"endTime":1759.56,"body":"a lot of people in the community"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.56,"endTime":1764.54,"body":"kind of had more inklings of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.56,"endTime":1764.54,"body":"their leanings earlier in life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.74,"endTime":1769.22,"body":"And I really didn't. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.74,"endTime":1769.22,"body":"there's some things I can kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.22,"endTime":1776.06,"body":"of put together in retrospect,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.22,"endTime":1776.06,"body":"but I was not really inclined"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.06,"endTime":1779.54,"body":"towards leather or BDSM for most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.06,"endTime":1779.54,"body":"of my adult life,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1779.57,"endTime":1781.1,"body":"what age were you when"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1779.57,"endTime":1781.1,"body":"you got your start?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1781.91,"endTime":1788.0,"body":"I was 39 years old. When I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1781.91,"endTime":1788.0,"body":"got my surfboard. I know. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.45,"endTime":1789.98,"body":"So pretty pretty late on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1790.25,"endTime":1792.53,"body":"and you said it had"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1790.25,"endTime":1792.53,"body":"happened randomly what exactly"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1792.53,"endTime":1792.89,"body":"happened?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1793.55,"endTime":1801.26,"body":"Well, so I have a very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1793.55,"endTime":1801.26,"body":"good friend of Mind who's also a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.68,"endTime":1807.74,"body":"regular play buddy, who we had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.68,"endTime":1807.74,"body":"gotten together a few times and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.25,"endTime":1815.27,"body":"had some, you know, really good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.25,"endTime":1815.27,"body":"hot vanilla sex. And, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.27,"endTime":1818.6,"body":"he was someone that I knew and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.27,"endTime":1818.6,"body":"trusted. And one night, as we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.6,"endTime":1821.39,"body":"were getting together, he asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.6,"endTime":1821.39,"body":"me if I'd be open to trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.39,"endTime":1828.98,"body":"something new. And specifically,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.39,"endTime":1828.98,"body":"he asked me if I would, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1828.98,"endTime":1835.19,"body":"know, put on a hood, and put on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1828.98,"endTime":1835.19,"body":"risk restraints, and let him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1835.19,"endTime":1840.17,"body":"kind of take control for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1835.19,"endTime":1840.17,"body":"evening. And this was something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.53,"endTime":1843.35,"body":"like I have a fairly adventurous"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.53,"endTime":1843.35,"body":"guy. I like saying yes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.35,"endTime":1846.08,"body":"things. It wasn't something that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.35,"endTime":1846.08,"body":"I had spent a lot of time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.08,"endTime":1850.64,"body":"fantasizing about. But like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.08,"endTime":1850.64,"body":"said, it was a guy I trusted."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.64,"endTime":1856.88,"body":"And I decided to say yes. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.64,"endTime":1856.88,"body":"even in that first encounter, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.88,"endTime":1860.33,"body":"was the first time I'd like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.88,"endTime":1860.33,"body":"submitted to someone and given"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1860.36,"endTime":1865.85,"body":"up that kind of control in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1860.36,"endTime":1865.85,"body":"scene before and it was like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1865.85,"endTime":1869.09,"body":"getting hit by a bolt of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1865.85,"endTime":1869.09,"body":"lightning, it was just a kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1869.09,"endTime":1870.41,"body":"a random chance event."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1870.89,"endTime":1873.2,"body":"I love that you mentioned"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1870.89,"endTime":1873.2,"body":"the word trust a couple of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1873.2,"endTime":1876.8,"body":"times. And I was wonder if you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1873.2,"endTime":1876.8,"body":"could speak a little bit about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1876.8,"endTime":1881.69,"body":"what role you feel trust plays"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1876.8,"endTime":1881.69,"body":"for your journey as a submissive"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1881.69,"endTime":1882.38,"body":"in particular."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1883.73,"endTime":1890.0,"body":"It's a good question. To"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1883.73,"endTime":1890.0,"body":"me. Trust is everything and, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.06,"endTime":1898.52,"body":"BDSM. I like to go really deep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.06,"endTime":1898.52,"body":"into BDSM scenes, I like to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.52,"endTime":1904.85,"body":"really deep into submission and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.52,"endTime":1904.85,"body":"giving up control. And to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.85,"endTime":1909.56,"body":"able to do that, I have to have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.85,"endTime":1909.56,"body":"trust and the dominant that I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1909.56,"endTime":1911.96,"body":"when I have to have trust in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1909.56,"endTime":1911.96,"body":"person I'm relinquishing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.96,"endTime":1917.99,"body":"control to by nature, I am"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.96,"endTime":1917.99,"body":"actually quite a control freak."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1918.5,"endTime":1923.27,"body":"And I desire to be in control as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1918.5,"endTime":1923.27,"body":"much as possible in my day to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1923.27,"endTime":1928.07,"body":"day and so to, to be comfortable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1923.27,"endTime":1928.07,"body":"with giving that up requires a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1928.07,"endTime":1929.0,"body":"lot of trust."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1929.12,"endTime":1932.96,"body":"And I mean, how do you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1929.12,"endTime":1932.96,"body":"trust is so critical? And but I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1932.96,"endTime":1938.36,"body":"feel like a lot of people are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1932.96,"endTime":1938.36,"body":"horny. And right, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1938.63,"endTime":1940.67,"body":"I would count myself. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1938.63,"endTime":1940.67,"body":"am."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1942.98,"endTime":1946.97,"body":"How do you figure out who"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1942.98,"endTime":1946.97,"body":"to trust or how you establish"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1946.97,"endTime":1949.79,"body":"that trust to know it's safe to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1946.97,"endTime":1949.79,"body":"let go? Because a lot of people,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1950.15,"endTime":1952.25,"body":"maybe you're starting their"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1950.15,"endTime":1952.25,"body":"journey, and they're like just"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1952.25,"endTime":1955.55,"body":"warning and they don't know who"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1952.25,"endTime":1955.55,"body":"to trust? Or how to trust? How"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1955.55,"endTime":1957.2,"body":"did that how did that operate"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1955.55,"endTime":1957.2,"body":"for you?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.52,"endTime":1962.66,"body":"I think part of it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.52,"endTime":1962.66,"body":"instinctual. I feel like one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1962.66,"endTime":1967.46,"body":"my strengths is I've always had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1962.66,"endTime":1967.46,"body":"really good instincts for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.46,"endTime":1970.55,"body":"people. When I was really first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.46,"endTime":1970.55,"body":"exploring this, I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.55,"endTime":1975.32,"body":"certainly count myself as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.55,"endTime":1975.32,"body":"person that was horny, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1976.1,"endTime":1981.11,"body":"trusted, trusted people and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1976.1,"endTime":1981.11,"body":"really one person in particular,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.89,"endTime":1987.62,"body":"probably before I had enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.89,"endTime":1987.62,"body":"information to truly trust that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.62,"endTime":1990.98,"body":"person. And the person I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.62,"endTime":1990.98,"body":"thinking about is the person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1990.98,"endTime":1996.74,"body":"that was my first sir. When I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1990.98,"endTime":1996.74,"body":"met him, we fell into a fairly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1996.74,"endTime":2001.36,"body":"serious sir boy relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1996.74,"endTime":2001.36,"body":"pretty quickly. And he was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2001.36,"endTime":2006.7,"body":"someone I, like I knew enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2001.36,"endTime":2006.7,"body":"about him to know he wasn't a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2006.7,"endTime":2010.78,"body":"serial killer. And you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2006.7,"endTime":2010.78,"body":"like, no great harm was going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.78,"endTime":2013.3,"body":"come to me, I didn't know him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.78,"endTime":2013.3,"body":"well, but he was on the edges of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.3,"endTime":2017.8,"body":"my social circle. And, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.3,"endTime":2017.8,"body":"I knew enough about him. To"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.83,"endTime":2020.74,"body":"trust him a little bit, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.83,"endTime":2020.74,"body":"probably trusted him more than I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2020.74,"endTime":2026.74,"body":"should have. Like, if I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2020.74,"endTime":2026.74,"body":"advising a younger me today, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2026.74,"endTime":2031.21,"body":"would probably advise a lot more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2026.74,"endTime":2031.21,"body":"caution than that I took at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.21,"endTime":2036.52,"body":"time. But I was horny and more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.21,"endTime":2036.52,"body":"than horny. I was discovering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.52,"endTime":2040.87,"body":"something about myself that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.52,"endTime":2040.87,"body":"really powerful. And that I felt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2041.17,"endTime":2048.94,"body":"really, really deeply drawn to."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2041.17,"endTime":2048.94,"body":"And I let that you know, kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.94,"endTime":2053.77,"body":"override my normal sense of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.94,"endTime":2053.77,"body":"caution, because I tend to be a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.73,"endTime":2059.83,"body":"cautious person. Now, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.73,"endTime":2059.83,"body":"worked out very well for me, he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2059.83,"endTime":2062.53,"body":"turned out to be someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2059.83,"endTime":2062.53,"body":"was very trustworthy. But you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.53,"endTime":2067.09,"body":"know, I certainly know other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.53,"endTime":2067.09,"body":"submissives that have not had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.09,"endTime":2068.32,"body":"that same kind of luck."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2069.25,"endTime":2071.74,"body":"Yeah, and I mean, a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2069.25,"endTime":2071.74,"body":"couple things you mentioned that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2071.74,"endTime":2075.79,"body":"really struck me besides that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2071.74,"endTime":2075.79,"body":"gut instinct, and I do think we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2075.79,"endTime":2078.97,"body":"do have to follow our gut and we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2075.79,"endTime":2078.97,"body":"get a kind of feeling when"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2078.97,"endTime":2081.97,"body":"situations aren't what they're"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2078.97,"endTime":2081.97,"body":"supposed to be. But you also"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2081.97,"endTime":2084.43,"body":"mentioned this was someone who"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2081.97,"endTime":2084.43,"body":"was already kind of within at"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2084.43,"endTime":2087.97,"body":"least the periphery of your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2084.43,"endTime":2087.97,"body":"social circle. And I think using"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2087.97,"endTime":2091.27,"body":"networks of people, that's a way"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2087.97,"endTime":2091.27,"body":"to establish some base"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2091.27,"endTime":2095.14,"body":"reliability and get a sense of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2091.27,"endTime":2095.14,"body":"who a person is so so I thought"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2095.14,"endTime":2096.91,"body":"that was a really useful point"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2095.14,"endTime":2096.91,"body":"you made as well."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2097.96,"endTime":2100.78,"body":"Yeah, I would absolutely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2097.96,"endTime":2100.78,"body":"agree with And certainly the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2100.78,"endTime":2104.02,"body":"longer I've been involved in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2100.78,"endTime":2104.02,"body":"community, and the more I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.08,"endTime":2109.36,"body":"learned, that is something that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.08,"endTime":2109.36,"body":"I now rely on quite a bit."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2109.99,"endTime":2113.29,"body":"I do want to get back to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2109.99,"endTime":2113.29,"body":"this, to the sense of what age"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2113.29,"endTime":2115.78,"body":"this will happen for you,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2113.29,"endTime":2115.78,"body":"because you it is, I think, a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2115.78,"endTime":2118.96,"body":"little unusual for, for it to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2115.78,"endTime":2118.96,"body":"happen so late in someone's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2118.96,"endTime":2122.02,"body":"life. But also, I think,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2118.96,"endTime":2122.02,"body":"historically, there used to be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2122.02,"endTime":2125.83,"body":"two coming outs, like you would"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2122.02,"endTime":2125.83,"body":"come out as gay, and then you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2125.83,"endTime":2129.46,"body":"would come out a little bit"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2125.83,"endTime":2129.46,"body":"later into leather. And so your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2129.46,"endTime":2133.15,"body":"pattern was a little more true"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2129.46,"endTime":2133.15,"body":"to the history, but certainly"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2133.15,"endTime":2136.63,"body":"not true now in the internet"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2133.15,"endTime":2136.63,"body":"age. So I'm wondering, do you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2136.63,"endTime":2140.5,"body":"feel like coming to your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2136.63,"endTime":2140.5,"body":"submission later in life? Did"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2140.5,"endTime":2143.59,"body":"that make it easier? Did it make"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2140.5,"endTime":2143.59,"body":"it harder? Did you have more"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2143.59,"endTime":2146.98,"body":"life experience? Do you feel"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2143.59,"endTime":2146.98,"body":"like Jesus Christ? Why didn't I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2146.98,"endTime":2150.49,"body":"experienced this 20 years ago?"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2146.98,"endTime":2150.49,"body":"How did that moment? How do you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2150.49,"endTime":2151.42,"body":"reflect on that?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.41,"endTime":2157.21,"body":"Yes, to a lot of those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.41,"endTime":2157.21,"body":"things. I think, I think in some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2157.21,"endTime":2161.8,"body":"ways, it made it easier, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2157.21,"endTime":2161.8,"body":"know, I was, you know, I think,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.13,"endTime":2166.36,"body":"just in general, you get to know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.13,"endTime":2166.36,"body":"yourself more as you get older,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.45,"endTime":2170.23,"body":"at the end of your 30s going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.45,"endTime":2170.23,"body":"into your 40s you know a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2170.23,"endTime":2174.73,"body":"more about yourself than you did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2170.23,"endTime":2174.73,"body":"in your 20s. In a way it made it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2174.73,"endTime":2179.08,"body":"harder, because I think people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2174.73,"endTime":2179.08,"body":"thought they already knew who I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2179.08,"endTime":2183.67,"body":"was, like, I thought that I knew"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2179.08,"endTime":2183.67,"body":"who I was. And then here I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.67,"endTime":2187.96,"body":"at, you know, 40 years old and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.67,"endTime":2187.96,"body":"a, you know, an established"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.99,"endTime":2192.61,"body":"marriage and an established"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.99,"endTime":2192.61,"body":"relationship and kind of had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.7,"endTime":2196.48,"body":"place already carved out for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.7,"endTime":2196.48,"body":"myself and my friend circle and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2196.48,"endTime":2201.46,"body":"the wider community. And coming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2196.48,"endTime":2201.46,"body":"out as a submissive and a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2201.46,"endTime":2205.87,"body":"leather boy, you know, took some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2201.46,"endTime":2205.87,"body":"getting used to for some people."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2205.9,"endTime":2208.54,"body":"Yeah. And he said a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2205.9,"endTime":2208.54,"body":"couple things I want to get back"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2208.54,"endTime":2214.51,"body":"to you. But I love your emphasis"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2208.54,"endTime":2214.51,"body":"on kind of the maturity you had"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2214.51,"endTime":2218.71,"body":"at that stage in your life. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2214.51,"endTime":2218.71,"body":"so much of stereotypical gay"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2218.71,"endTime":2221.59,"body":"culture is youth obsessed. And I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2218.71,"endTime":2221.59,"body":"do think there's this notion"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2221.59,"endTime":2227.02,"body":"that, oh, your boy, you must be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2221.59,"endTime":2227.02,"body":"in your 20s. But I so value boys"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2227.02,"endTime":2232.69,"body":"who are in their 30s 40s 50s,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2227.02,"endTime":2232.69,"body":"because they're simply so much"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2232.69,"endTime":2235.57,"body":"more aware of who they are,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2232.69,"endTime":2235.57,"body":"they're more grounded in their"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2235.57,"endTime":2239.32,"body":"life, right. And that stability,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2235.57,"endTime":2239.32,"body":"just makes it easier for me to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2239.32,"endTime":2242.71,"body":"use them. So I love that you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2239.32,"endTime":2242.71,"body":"brought that up. You also did"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2242.71,"endTime":2246.97,"body":"just mention that you're you've"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2242.71,"endTime":2246.97,"body":"been married. Before this,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2246.97,"endTime":2251.92,"body":"you're still married? Yes. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2246.97,"endTime":2251.92,"body":"I think it's common for a lot of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2251.92,"endTime":2254.56,"body":"people who were in a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2251.92,"endTime":2254.56,"body":"relationship, and then they want"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2254.56,"endTime":2258.67,"body":"to explore kink. And can you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2254.56,"endTime":2258.67,"body":"talk about how you negotiated"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2258.67,"endTime":2260.95,"body":"that with your husband? And what"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2258.67,"endTime":2260.95,"body":"that process was like?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2261.52,"endTime":2265.09,"body":"Yeah, absolutely. So I am"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2261.52,"endTime":2265.09,"body":"married, I was married. When I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2265.09,"endTime":2267.52,"body":"found this out about myself, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2265.09,"endTime":2267.52,"body":"still married I've been with my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.52,"endTime":2274.18,"body":"husband now for 18 years. Which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.52,"endTime":2274.18,"body":"is an amazing amount of time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.53,"endTime":2281.26,"body":"And we're very happily married."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.53,"endTime":2281.26,"body":"And quite honestly, I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.74,"endTime":2286.54,"body":"in many ways, the year since I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.74,"endTime":2286.54,"body":"came out as a leather boy, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2286.54,"endTime":2288.7,"body":"was really disruptive at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2286.54,"endTime":2288.7,"body":"time, and I'll get to that in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2288.7,"endTime":2292.72,"body":"second, I think had been some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2288.7,"endTime":2292.72,"body":"the best years of our marriage."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2293.32,"endTime":2295.45,"body":"And I guess it talked about that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2293.32,"endTime":2295.45,"body":"I should kind of talk about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.45,"endTime":2299.47,"body":"process we went through. So my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.45,"endTime":2299.47,"body":"husband and I have been a very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2299.47,"endTime":2303.61,"body":"long time, we've had an open"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2299.47,"endTime":2303.61,"body":"relationship pretty much since"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2303.61,"endTime":2307.3,"body":"we've been together. And that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2303.61,"endTime":2307.3,"body":"never been a problem for us. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2307.3,"endTime":2311.98,"body":"both trust each other a lot. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2307.3,"endTime":2311.98,"body":"we're very communicative. I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2311.98,"endTime":2314.98,"body":"that some, you know, guys"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2311.98,"endTime":2314.98,"body":"operating kind of don't ask,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.98,"endTime":2317.32,"body":"don't tell situation. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.98,"endTime":2317.32,"body":"whatever works for people is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2317.32,"endTime":2322.39,"body":"what works for people. For us."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2317.32,"endTime":2322.39,"body":"The openness about, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.39,"endTime":2324.7,"body":"our extracurricular activities"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.39,"endTime":2324.7,"body":"was really important. We wanted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2324.7,"endTime":2326.74,"body":"to always feel like we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2324.7,"endTime":2326.74,"body":"never keeping secrets from each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.74,"endTime":2332.83,"body":"other. And we had been in a poly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.74,"endTime":2332.83,"body":"relationship situation at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2332.83,"endTime":2336.07,"body":"very beginning. When he and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2332.83,"endTime":2336.07,"body":"got together, I had another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.07,"endTime":2339.46,"body":"boyfriend. long, complicated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.07,"endTime":2339.46,"body":"story that's not super relevant."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.61,"endTime":2342.1,"body":"I'll just mention that to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.61,"endTime":2342.1,"body":"that, you know, we've had some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.1,"endTime":2345.19,"body":"experience with that kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.1,"endTime":2345.19,"body":"situation before the fast"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.19,"endTime":2349.33,"body":"forward many years into our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.19,"endTime":2349.33,"body":"marriage. And I started"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.33,"endTime":2353.92,"body":"discovering the stuff about my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.33,"endTime":2353.92,"body":"kink inclinations, and my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.92,"endTime":2359.41,"body":"submission inclinations. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.92,"endTime":2359.41,"body":"met my first sir. And I fell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2359.41,"endTime":2362.2,"body":"very deeply in love with him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2359.41,"endTime":2362.2,"body":"with a very intense"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.2,"endTime":2368.08,"body":"relationship. Part of it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.2,"endTime":2368.08,"body":"intense. It was partially"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.08,"endTime":2372.4,"body":"intense, because I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.08,"endTime":2372.4,"body":"discovering really intense, very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.4,"endTime":2378.55,"body":"deep seated means within myself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.4,"endTime":2378.55,"body":"And my sir was feeding those and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.55,"endTime":2381.67,"body":"helping me discover these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.55,"endTime":2381.67,"body":"about myself and he was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.67,"endTime":2386.47,"body":"mentoring me and training me and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.67,"endTime":2386.47,"body":"that is a very, incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.47,"endTime":2390.28,"body":"intimate process, learning all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.47,"endTime":2390.28,"body":"these things about myself with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.31,"endTime":2394.75,"body":"him. And honestly, he knew all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.31,"endTime":2394.75,"body":"these things about myself before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2394.75,"endTime":2401.98,"body":"I did. The very first night he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2394.75,"endTime":2401.98,"body":"and I got together He told me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2401.98,"endTime":2404.74,"body":"this whole list of things that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2401.98,"endTime":2404.74,"body":"was going to happen in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.74,"endTime":2409.21,"body":"future, that I was going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.74,"endTime":2409.21,"body":"his boy, that I was going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.21,"endTime":2412.42,"body":"give up control to him that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.21,"endTime":2412.42,"body":"was going to let him hurt me,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.78,"endTime":2416.02,"body":"all of these things, keep in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.78,"endTime":2416.02,"body":"mind, I was still incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2416.02,"endTime":2416.38,"body":"new."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2416.71,"endTime":2418.69,"body":"I have to remember that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2416.71,"endTime":2418.69,"body":"because that was obviously a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2418.69,"endTime":2421.72,"body":"very effective pickup line. So"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2418.69,"endTime":2421.72,"body":"I'm just going to have to start"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2421.72,"endTime":2424.0,"body":"telling men, these are the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2421.72,"endTime":2424.0,"body":"things I'm going to do to you."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2424.0,"endTime":2426.25,"body":"And you just have to accept it."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2424.0,"endTime":2426.25,"body":"Well done. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2426.73,"endTime":2430.93,"body":"it worked. It very much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2426.73,"endTime":2430.93,"body":"worked. Let me tell you. And but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2430.93,"endTime":2432.76,"body":"you know, here's the thing in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2430.93,"endTime":2432.76,"body":"the moment when he was telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2432.76,"endTime":2435.4,"body":"me this, because it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2432.76,"endTime":2435.4,"body":"happening, like, kind of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2435.4,"endTime":2438.07,"body":"first time we got together in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2435.4,"endTime":2438.07,"body":"the scene. And I thought,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2438.13,"endTime":2441.16,"body":"everything he was saying was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2438.13,"endTime":2441.16,"body":"incredibly hot. I also thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2441.16,"endTime":2443.74,"body":"to myself, none of this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2441.16,"endTime":2443.74,"body":"actually going to happen like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2443.74,"endTime":2448.93,"body":"this is, this is fun sex talk,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2443.74,"endTime":2448.93,"body":"every single thing he told me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2448.93,"endTime":2452.47,"body":"that night, absolutely came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2448.93,"endTime":2452.47,"body":"true. And so we fell in love."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2452.74,"endTime":2459.25,"body":"And that was obviously very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2452.74,"endTime":2459.25,"body":"disruptive to my marriage. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2459.25,"endTime":2463.93,"body":"yet, here we were, and the thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2459.25,"endTime":2463.93,"body":"that I realize as this was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2463.93,"endTime":2470.2,"body":"happening, was that it was it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2463.93,"endTime":2470.2,"body":"something that I could walk away"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.2,"endTime":2474.79,"body":"from, it wasn't something I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.2,"endTime":2474.79,"body":"could give up. Because this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2476.35,"endTime":2478.6,"body":"there was no putting the genie"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2476.35,"endTime":2478.6,"body":"back in the bottle at that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.6,"endTime":2484.99,"body":"point. And so, you know, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.6,"endTime":2484.99,"body":"there was a process there, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2484.99,"endTime":2489.46,"body":"it took about a year. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2484.99,"endTime":2489.46,"body":"won't lie, it wasn't easy at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2489.46,"endTime":2496.72,"body":"all, it was not easy. We had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2489.46,"endTime":2496.72,"body":"wit a very turbulent year. There"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2496.72,"endTime":2501.1,"body":"were times when neither of us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2496.72,"endTime":2501.1,"body":"were really sure if we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2501.1,"endTime":2503.41,"body":"going to be able to figure it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2501.1,"endTime":2503.41,"body":"out, if we were going to be able"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2503.41,"endTime":2508.36,"body":"to make it if if there was room"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2503.41,"endTime":2508.36,"body":"for me to fully explore this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2508.36,"endTime":2512.26,"body":"part of myself with this other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2508.36,"endTime":2512.26,"body":"person and this power dynamic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.26,"endTime":2518.5,"body":"relationship. And, and him still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.26,"endTime":2518.5,"body":"feel secure in our marriage,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2518.5,"endTime":2522.43,"body":"that it was still important to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2518.5,"endTime":2522.43,"body":"me that he was still getting the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2522.43,"endTime":2526.96,"body":"things he needed out of it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2522.43,"endTime":2526.96,"body":"that we felt secure with each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.96,"endTime":2531.16,"body":"other because this was, this was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.96,"endTime":2531.16,"body":"a big change. It was a big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2531.16,"endTime":2534.61,"body":"change for our relationship. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2531.16,"endTime":2534.61,"body":"it was a big change for me. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2534.61,"endTime":2537.49,"body":"know, I think that's one of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2534.61,"endTime":2537.49,"body":"things about being in a long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.49,"endTime":2542.83,"body":"term relationship with someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.49,"endTime":2542.83,"body":"is that you don't really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2542.83,"endTime":2546.58,"body":"understand until you've been in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2542.83,"endTime":2546.58,"body":"one is that you know, over a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2546.58,"endTime":2551.95,"body":"long period of time, who you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2546.58,"endTime":2551.95,"body":"as individuals and that Rayleigh"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2551.98,"endTime":2556.63,"body":"that relationship changes. You,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2551.98,"endTime":2556.63,"body":"you know, 15 years into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2556.63,"endTime":2559.3,"body":"relationship, you're not the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2556.63,"endTime":2559.3,"body":"same people you were when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.3,"endTime":2563.05,"body":"met. You each have independent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.3,"endTime":2563.05,"body":"lives and you grow together, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2563.05,"endTime":2568.21,"body":"you also grow separately as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2563.05,"endTime":2568.21,"body":"individuals. And part of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2568.63,"endTime":2573.04,"body":"navigating that is figuring out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2568.63,"endTime":2573.04,"body":"how do we relate to each other,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2573.61,"endTime":2578.62,"body":"with the people we are now. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2573.61,"endTime":2578.62,"body":"know, we went to therapy. For a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.62,"endTime":2581.56,"body":"long time, we were a couples"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.62,"endTime":2581.56,"body":"counselor, we were very lucky to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.56,"endTime":2587.35,"body":"find a really great couples"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.56,"endTime":2587.35,"body":"counselor who was very poly and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.35,"endTime":2591.82,"body":"leather friendly. And we just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.35,"endTime":2591.82,"body":"did the work. Both of us were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.82,"endTime":2596.2,"body":"reluctant to close the door and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.82,"endTime":2596.2,"body":"making it work because we still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.2,"endTime":2600.31,"body":"loved each other at the at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.2,"endTime":2600.31,"body":"base of it all. I will fully"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2600.31,"endTime":2603.82,"body":"admit that I didn't handle that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2600.31,"endTime":2603.82,"body":"process in the best possible"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2603.82,"endTime":2610.36,"body":"way. Right? I wasn't. At first,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2603.82,"endTime":2610.36,"body":"I was not completely honest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2610.36,"endTime":2615.01,"body":"about what was going on with me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2610.36,"endTime":2615.01,"body":"I wasn't honest about my, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2615.01,"endTime":2621.49,"body":"depth of my feelings for my sir."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2615.01,"endTime":2621.49,"body":"And you know, when he was really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2621.52,"endTime":2624.55,"body":"he was really scared himself of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2621.52,"endTime":2624.55,"body":"just all the change that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.55,"endTime":2630.73,"body":"was bringing into our lives. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.55,"endTime":2630.73,"body":"did the work. And we kept"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2630.73,"endTime":2635.56,"body":"talking, we kept showing up for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2630.73,"endTime":2635.56,"body":"each other. And eventually, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.56,"endTime":2636.7,"body":"figured it out."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2637.63,"endTime":2639.85,"body":"Yeah, I just want to I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2637.63,"endTime":2639.85,"body":"want to mark some of the themes"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2639.85,"endTime":2643.39,"body":"I'm hearing in your answer. I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2639.85,"endTime":2643.39,"body":"mean, that you even had a kind"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2643.39,"endTime":2645.79,"body":"of because you had a sex"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2643.39,"endTime":2645.79,"body":"positive relationship. Even"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2645.79,"endTime":2649.21,"body":"before this happened. There was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2645.79,"endTime":2649.21,"body":"already this basis of honesty"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2649.21,"endTime":2652.63,"body":"around these issues. And I think"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2649.21,"endTime":2652.63,"body":"that was important. And I love"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2652.63,"endTime":2656.35,"body":"that you're really showing us a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2652.63,"endTime":2656.35,"body":"process like this just doesn't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2656.35,"endTime":2660.22,"body":"happen overnight. It was a hard,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2656.35,"endTime":2660.22,"body":"difficult process. And it was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2660.22,"endTime":2662.59,"body":"about commitment, which is what"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2660.22,"endTime":2662.59,"body":"relationships are about and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2662.59,"endTime":2666.58,"body":"certainly making use of therapy,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2662.59,"endTime":2666.58,"body":"which is a good tool for all of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2666.58,"endTime":2670.96,"body":"us on our journeys. I know my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2666.58,"endTime":2670.96,"body":"therapist would say so. I did"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2670.96,"endTime":2674.2,"body":"want to ask you so I know you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2670.96,"endTime":2674.2,"body":"had that first sir. This has not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2674.2,"endTime":2678.01,"body":"been your only sir. So you've"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2674.2,"endTime":2678.01,"body":"had you've had some beautiful"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2678.01,"endTime":2681.64,"body":"starts and some ends to those"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2678.01,"endTime":2681.64,"body":"relationships and what do you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2681.67,"endTime":2685.06,"body":"what would you say has been the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2681.67,"endTime":2685.06,"body":"roughest parts of this journey"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2685.06,"endTime":2689.98,"body":"into submission for you what has"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2685.06,"endTime":2689.98,"body":"been the stuff that really was"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2689.98,"endTime":2691.6,"body":"just hard to move through?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.88,"endTime":2700.27,"body":"When me and my first serve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.88,"endTime":2700.27,"body":"broke up, I think it was you The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2700.27,"endTime":2705.7,"body":"most brokenhearted I've ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2700.27,"endTime":2705.7,"body":"felt about a breakup in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.7,"endTime":2712.57,"body":"entire life. It was that pain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.7,"endTime":2712.57,"body":"was deep. I felt like not only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2712.57,"endTime":2720.01,"body":"had I lost this person that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2712.57,"endTime":2720.01,"body":"loved, and that had been such an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2720.01,"endTime":2725.05,"body":"incredibly influential figure in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2720.01,"endTime":2725.05,"body":"my life, but also that I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2725.05,"endTime":2730.06,"body":"losing a part of myself, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2725.05,"endTime":2730.06,"body":"know, submission and domination"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2730.06,"endTime":2737.62,"body":"is not something you can do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2730.06,"endTime":2737.62,"body":"alone. And at that point, he was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.62,"endTime":2742.57,"body":"the only person I had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.62,"endTime":2742.57,"body":"experienced that with. And so,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2742.96,"endTime":2748.54,"body":"to me, then he was my he was my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2742.96,"endTime":2748.54,"body":"only connection, he was my only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2748.54,"endTime":2751.93,"body":"pathway that I knew to those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2748.54,"endTime":2751.93,"body":"parts of myself and to be able"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.93,"endTime":2756.25,"body":"to express those parts of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.93,"endTime":2756.25,"body":"myself. And so that relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.25,"endTime":2763.66,"body":"ending felt like I had, I had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.25,"endTime":2763.66,"body":"lost all this stuff that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2763.66,"endTime":2766.51,"body":"incredibly important to me that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2763.66,"endTime":2766.51,"body":"I just discovered about myself,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2766.6,"endTime":2770.17,"body":"right. And I didn't know how to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2766.6,"endTime":2770.17,"body":"access it afterwards."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2770.95,"endTime":2773.59,"body":"Where would you say"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2770.95,"endTime":2773.59,"body":"you're in your journey right"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2773.59,"endTime":2774.01,"body":"now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2776.35,"endTime":2778.72,"body":"I'm in a kind of an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2776.35,"endTime":2778.72,"body":"interesting place in my journey."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2778.75,"endTime":2789.37,"body":"So I last year, I ended a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2778.75,"endTime":2789.37,"body":"another DS relationship that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2789.37,"endTime":2796.66,"body":"was on. I was with a master for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2789.37,"endTime":2796.66,"body":"several years. And so that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2796.66,"endTime":2802.36,"body":"hard. I'm in a place now where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2796.66,"endTime":2802.36,"body":"I'm kind of enjoying being a,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.04,"endTime":2808.6,"body":"quote unquote, single sub. For a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.04,"endTime":2808.6,"body":"little while I say, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2808.6,"endTime":2810.79,"body":"single, because obviously, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2808.6,"endTime":2810.79,"body":"still married. I'm not really."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.82,"endTime":2816.73,"body":"Sure, yeah, it is. But that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.82,"endTime":2816.73,"body":"what you want me to clarify"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.73,"endTime":2822.34,"body":"that. You know, I think I spent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.73,"endTime":2822.34,"body":"several years when I first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2822.94,"endTime":2828.58,"body":"discovered this part of myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2822.94,"endTime":2828.58,"body":"and this lifestyle, really kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2828.58,"endTime":2832.51,"body":"of searching for my dog"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2828.58,"endTime":2832.51,"body":"searching for my service"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2832.51,"endTime":2835.87,"body":"searching for my master"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2832.51,"endTime":2835.87,"body":"searching for the person whose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2835.87,"endTime":2841.18,"body":"color I would wear and have that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2835.87,"endTime":2841.18,"body":"kind of really deep, intimate,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2841.18,"endTime":2847.15,"body":"ongoing 24/7 kind of BS"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2841.18,"endTime":2847.15,"body":"relationship with, which is, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.15,"endTime":2850.21,"body":"know, what I'm ultimately"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.15,"endTime":2850.21,"body":"looking for. The thing that I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2850.21,"endTime":2856.03,"body":"kind of realized in the last"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2850.21,"endTime":2856.03,"body":"year is that you find the best"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2856.03,"endTime":2860.95,"body":"people when you stop looking."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2856.03,"endTime":2860.95,"body":"And for me, that's where I am"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2860.95,"endTime":2866.35,"body":"right now, with kind of trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2860.95,"endTime":2866.35,"body":"to find my next serious Dom,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2866.38,"endTime":2871.36,"body":"that is something I very much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2866.38,"endTime":2871.36,"body":"want to get in my life. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.02,"endTime":2878.41,"body":"instead of putting my energy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.02,"endTime":2878.41,"body":"into, like, actively seeking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2878.41,"endTime":2885.64,"body":"that person, I've been putting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2878.41,"endTime":2885.64,"body":"that energy into discovering new"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2885.64,"endTime":2891.22,"body":"parts of myself into kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2885.64,"endTime":2891.22,"body":"exploring into, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.22,"endTime":2894.73,"body":"exploring different kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.22,"endTime":2894.73,"body":"connections with different kinds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.73,"endTime":2898.51,"body":"of Dom's and trying to figure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.73,"endTime":2898.51,"body":"out what it is, I really want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.51,"endTime":2907.51,"body":"next. And enjoying, and enjoy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.51,"endTime":2907.51,"body":"the journey more than focusing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.51,"endTime":2909.01,"body":"on the destination, I think,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2909.82,"endTime":2913.93,"body":"wonderful. And if you had"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2909.82,"endTime":2913.93,"body":"one piece of advice for someone"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2914.08,"endTime":2917.17,"body":"starting their own leather"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2914.08,"endTime":2917.17,"body":"journey into submission, or into"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2917.17,"endTime":2921.04,"body":"dominance, or however you want"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2917.17,"endTime":2921.04,"body":"to pitch it, but what's your one"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2921.04,"endTime":2923.65,"body":"piece of advice for our"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2921.04,"endTime":2923.65,"body":"listeners today?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.16,"endTime":2930.1,"body":"What is my one piece of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.16,"endTime":2930.1,"body":"advice? I would say? I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.1,"endTime":2937.93,"body":"it's important to follow your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.1,"endTime":2937.93,"body":"own instincts and desires. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.93,"endTime":2944.8,"body":"think we live in in a wonderful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.93,"endTime":2944.8,"body":"age of internet connectivity,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2944.98,"endTime":2950.14,"body":"which exposes us to all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2944.98,"endTime":2950.14,"body":"information, you know, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2950.14,"endTime":2954.34,"body":"wouldn't have had any other way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2950.14,"endTime":2954.34,"body":"I think that the internet can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2954.34,"endTime":2959.89,"body":"sometimes especially for someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2954.34,"endTime":2959.89,"body":"new paint a picture of how it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2959.89,"endTime":2965.95,"body":"has to be. And I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2959.89,"endTime":2965.95,"body":"everybody's desired everybody's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2965.95,"endTime":2970.51,"body":"needs, what really drives them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2965.95,"endTime":2970.51,"body":"is different. And I think it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2970.51,"endTime":2976.6,"body":"important not to get caught up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2970.51,"endTime":2976.6,"body":"in other people's desires and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2976.6,"endTime":2981.25,"body":"expectations, but to give"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2976.6,"endTime":2981.25,"body":"yourself the freedom to really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2981.25,"endTime":2986.32,"body":"find your own path and find out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2981.25,"endTime":2986.32,"body":"what works for you uniquely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2986.32,"endTime":2991.6,"body":"because you don't have to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2986.32,"endTime":2991.6,"body":"everything on the menu to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2991.72,"endTime":2994.54,"body":"really, you know, be a leather"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2991.72,"endTime":2994.54,"body":"minority leather boy."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2996.04,"endTime":3000.45,"body":"Wonderful thing. Thank"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":2996.04,"endTime":3000.45,"body":"you so much for joining us. on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":3000.45,"endTime":3001.14,"body":"full cow,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3001.62,"endTime":3005.46,"body":"thank you very much. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3001.62,"endTime":3005.46,"body":"really enjoyed this. And, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3005.46,"endTime":3007.53,"body":"know, I hope to be able to do it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3005.46,"endTime":3007.53,"body":"again someday"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":3008.61,"endTime":3013.32,"body":"I would love and that's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":3008.61,"endTime":3013.32,"body":"our episode. Thank you so much"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":3013.32,"endTime":3016.65,"body":"for joining me. I hope you will"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":3013.32,"endTime":3016.65,"body":"join us again please consider"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":3016.65,"endTime":3021.3,"body":"subscribing. extraordinarily"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":3016.65,"endTime":3021.3,"body":"blessed"}]}