Bondage

Introduction
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about leather and kink where your host, Edge (he/him), shares his 30+ years of experience in the community. For this episode we're going to think about bondage.

In the first segment, Edge shares his experience with bondage both as a bottom and as a Top. Then, in the second segment, we'll look at some basic bondage info, including safety, ropes types, and knots. Then we have a chat with Master Dart, who offer his experience with bondage and general insight into kink. As a special bonus, the episode ends with Edge reading his erotic story, "Hemp."

Related Links

• I learned shibari by reading The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori. If you're a book / written word person, you might want to check it out.
• Common ropes are hemp and MFP (multifilament polypropylene) and the knots to learn are the square knot and the lark's head knot.
• Twisted Monk makes beautiful hemp rope and has amazing how-to videos.
• Learn more about Master Dart on his website or follow him on Twitter.
• Check out one of Master Dart's recommendations, Two Knotty Boys.
• If you're interested in my stories, you can purchase The Stories of Edge in Kindle format.

Transcript

Edge : 0:05

So hey, let's talk about bondage this podcast contains material intended for a mature audience before proceeding please check your local laws and confirm that you are an adult Welcome to full cow, a podcast about leather kink and BDSM My name is edge My pronouns are he him and I am your host. As always, I'm grateful that you're joining me for yet another episode. This time we're going to talk about bondage. In the first segment, I'll share my own journey with bondage both as a bottom and at the top. And then we're going to go into some basic bondage information with a focus on safety, types of rope and some basic knots. For our third segment, we have an interview with Master dark who shares his own complicated journey with bondage, as well as some general encouragement and information for anyone looking to get into kink. And then as a bonus, I will be doing a reading of my erotic short story happen. It's quite an episode. I hope you enjoy it. And hey, let's get started. If you've listened to the first episode of this podcast, and you already know that bondage was my first love, my first came my first real entry into BDSM. In this segment, I'd like to share a little bit about what I learned from being a bondage bottom and also what I've learned, now that I'm a bondage top. First, though, critically, I think we need to differentiate between bondage and restraint. restraint is what I do when I don't want you to move because if you move the tails of the flogger are gonna wrap and that's bad. restraint is what I do when I want you to feel my domination while I'm plowing your ass in the sling. restraint is often a means to an end, bondage is an end in itself. And if you're a bondage fan, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The scene is about the bondage. Even then, bondage can have a lot of different meanings to people. For some people, it's an outward manifestation of their submission. For some people, it's a challenge, and they want to struggle and try to escape. And for some people, it's simply about experiencing a set of bodily pleasures, all of that perfectly legitimate. And even for sort of hardcore bondage people. There are kind of usually two modes, there are people who like to be tied and left alone. And there are people who like to be tied and played with some people want to be tied left alone, they float off on an inner meditative state become one with the universe, it's beautiful. Other people want to be tied and they want to be tortured, they want to be played with they want to be whatever, it's pretty important to know which of these you are, and which of these your top is because if you're into being tired and left alone, and your top starts playing with you, that's gonna be annoying as fuck. And if you're into being played wet, and your top is leaving you alone, that is going to be boring as fuck. For me, I was the bondage bottom into the physical sensations. I did start on the bottom, but I honestly don't think I really have submission in me. But you know, you can still bottom and experience all these physical pleasures through the sensations that come with bottoming. And we'll talk about the distinction between submission and bottoming in a later episode. But for me, I was the bondage bottom and I experienced quite a bit of bondage. I was really quite blessed. I mean, sleepsack, straight jackets, cages, change, shackles, handcuffs, hoods, you name it, I probably experienced it. I was so blessed on that journey. Care. The couple of things, though, that I learned, first of all, bondage can be an extraordinary mental challenge. You know, I talked about some people who like to be tired and they float off and it's all meditative. No, not me. My mind never shuts off. I have trouble falling asleep, because I cannot stop thinking. So ironically, even though as enjoying the physical sensations of being tied up, my mind was going effing crazy. Because you're trapped in your body. And that means you're trapped with your thoughts. And so that can be kind of torturous. So if you're considering moving into bondage, you might want to consider how your mind operates, how easily you meditate, how busy a thinker you are. That's not a reason not to explore bondage. You may find it's the thing that quiets the mind. Who knows. But I know for me, there was always a mental challenge. And that's a big lesson I carried forward. That bonded isn't just about the physical sensations, it's about what's going on in your head. And that's something you need to kind of manage the other set of challenges with bondage. Let's be clear. There are always physical challenges with bondage. Always Sure, there can be super comfy bondage where you just have some restraints and a chain between them. But bondage that's really bondage is going to hurt somewhere be uncomfortable somewhere. And sometimes everything's comfortable but sudden you need to pee. There's always some sort of physical issue that you have to manage. I can remember being in sleep sacks and then, okay, do I curl my fingers to make extra room? No, now my fingers are squashed, I have my fingers flat and other squashed more, there was always a constant management of trying to mitigate the physical discomfort. And the big lesson I hope you take away from that is that our fantasies are often abstracted from our bodily realities. That's just something to keep in mind. That's not a reason not to pursue your fantasy. But it's good to keep in mind that thing you fantasize about, is probably going to be more challenged physically on a sensational plane than it is in your head. So I had trouble managing the mental aspect, I was challenged by the physical aspect. Those are my takeaways, I still loved it. I gotta say, I still loved it. Part of what also I experienced is I always needed more. Now, I've been pretty upfront about having the disease of addiction being in a 12 step recovery program. And I can't tell you, if this is specific to me as an addict, or something that people generally experience, but what happened was when I was first coming out, you put a pair cheap handcuffs on me, I would get instantly hard. But then I needed more expensive handcuffs, and then I needed rope. And then I needed more rope. And then I needed a straight check. And then I needed the leather strap straight jacket. And then I need the leather padded straight jacket with the Mr. S, it just, I always needed the next level of sensation. That's not fun, because you're always chasing after something and you know what, eventually you run out of people who can give it to you. That's part of my evolutionary process, again, a topic for a future episode. And I don't know if that's specific to me, or if that will be your experience as well. But I want you to be mindful of the fact that you may discover you need more more intense, more creative, more diverse bondage as you start that journey. And if that happens, that's not a typical, that was certainly my journey. However, you know, at some point, I didn't make the transition to being a top in general, probably around the turn of Millennium and I wanted to learn how to do bondage and specifically I wanted to learn how to do Japanese rope bondage or chivari. I was fascinated by it. You know, in general, I'm kind of drawn to this Japanese aesthetic, because it's minimalist in a way that appeals to my anal retentive orderliness, it's very Marie Kondo, everything has a place. And that's also very true with Japanese rope bondage. So I found it very appealing. And you know, the other thing that's really funny and so consistent with who I am as a person, all that beautiful bondage, you see that Japanese root bondage, it looks so pretty on the front, it is an absolute mess in the back, because the knots have to go somewhere. And where the knots go, are in the back. So I love that like, oh, on the front, it looks so clean and minimal and Zen and so Japanese, you're turning around, and it's just an effing mess that is so resonant as a metaphor for parts of my life. So I made the decision to learn show hurry, and this is again, very early internet, very few resources. But I picked up the book The Art of Japanese, the seductive art of Japanese bondage by Midori, she is so fantastic. It was extraordinarily challenging for me to teach myself, because I had to translate the written word into three dimensional space. And that took a lot of practice. However, eventually I got it. And then eventually, I discovered there were some resources on the web, and that helped as well. And you know, I'm pretty decent bondage artist, I'm always a little frustrated that the ropes are never quite as neat as I want them to be. And I feel like, I'm simply not patient enough. I hate that about myself. But you know, I'm gonna put you in bondage and you're not gonna be able to move and so like, pretty nice. Some of the takeaways there have to do with if you want to learn a skill, don't always wait for class. It's fantastic. If there are classes available, I teach the bondage class here locally at leatherworks in Fort Lauderdale. It's fantastic if you can go to a class but if not, there are so many resources particularly now for you to teach yourself. Part of that is be prepared to be challenged because it can be very hard to teach yourself. And finally, what would really help is you're gonna need a partner to help you. So I hope you have a good kink buddy if you decide to teach yourself something like bondage. The other thing I discovered about myself as a rope top is that being a rope top putting someone in bondage was an extraordinaire. narrowly meditative scene for me. That's the place where my mind finally, quiet. And in general, attitudes are not really talkative, we're not really doing a lot of talking because I'm focusing on the rope, and you're being a good boy and standing there and getting tied up, what I find is that the sensation of drawing the rope through my hands, the formation of the bands of rope, paying attention to the body, thinking about where the next rep goes, listening to the body and to the rope and moving into some creative areas. All of those are extraordinarily rewarding for me. In a way that's completely different from beating someone cigar scene breath control scene. For me Pantages unique scene because it is so quiet. And I don't mean that we're not talking I mean, quiet inside me what a gift that is because of my crazy busy mind. The last thing to know about bondage in general. And this is drawing from my experience as a top and a bottom. Be warned, as long as it takes you to get into the bondage. That's at least as long as you're going to be in the bondage. So if it takes me an hour to completely mummify you, you're going to be mummified for at least an hour. If it takes me 20 minutes to put you into very restrictive rope bondage situation, you're going to be in there at least 20 minutes, the amount of time you spend in it has got to be at least equal to the effort I've put into it. Another thing to keep in mind, as we finish up this segment, I hope you will consider the mental and physical challenges that may come with any fetish you want to explore, not as a way of deterring you from exploring them, but as a way of preparing you for the reality that you're going to hopefully experience. And understanding that teaching yourself is perfectly practical. I did it, I ended up pretty good, but also very challenging. And then an understanding of the unique way that bondage, for some bottoms and for some times can be a quiet, centering, meditative connected, beautiful, intimate experience. And it's an experience, I hope you get to have. Obviously, I can't teach you bondage through a podcast, that would be extremely challenging. But I did want to offer you in this segment, some practical tips, particularly regarding safety. And I wanted to point you to some really, really excellent web resources. Before we do that, though, I want to invite you to consider bondage as a whole as a system of managing pressure. Don't think of it is making sure someone can't move. Don't think of it as tying someone up or restraining them. Put in your head, this sort of concept that it is a system for managing pressure. And that becomes pretty critical. Because there are points with too much pressure, those are the points that become problems. If there's not enough pressure, then that's not really bondage. If there's too much pressure, that's problematic as well. So you really want to think about evenly distributing pressure. The other note I want to start with before diving into some more practical things, and this is something I referenced in the first segment. Keep in mind there are many, many different kinds of bondage and many ways of being into bondage. If someone tells me they're into bondage, I mean, they're really not telling me anything at all. I need to know what kind and how. Because there are people who are into rope bondage. There are people who are into metal bondage. There are people who are into leather bondage like a straight jacket. There are people who are into rubber bondage like a sleep sack or a VAC sack. There are even people who are into wool bondage being tied up wrapped in an old army blanket. And in addition to the different kinds of sub flavors of bondage, as we talked about before, there are people who want to be tied up and left alone. And there are people who want to be tied up and played with there are also people who want really comfy bondage, and there are people who really want challenging bondage. So I have to have whole triage conversation, to really learn what kind of bondage, what does bondage mean to them? What are they like to have happen in relation to the bondage? Where's their head go in bondage? The other part of that conversation I like to have is about physical things. Do you have any joint issues? Do you have any deep vein thrombosis? Are there any circulation issues? What are your health issues that could impact the scene? And that's a conversation you want to have really before anything. Let's start with safety. The most important thing you can do is have a pair of EMT shears also called trauma shears handy in your rope or bondage kit at all times. These are extraordinarily cheap, you can find them online for maybe $10. And they look like weirdly disfigured scissors. They're sort of bent at a weird angle. They look weirdly blunt. They have little metal tab. But they're designed to cut through clothing. And that little metal tab protects the skin. They're designed for EMT trauma situations where you have to get someone out of clothing very quickly. The good news is they cut through everything. And that means they will cut through rope. They will even cut through leather restraints. And in an emergency situation, it is much cheaper to replace rope or restraints than people. So get a pair of these, keep them with your rope have them handy at all time. The next thing to consider when it comes to safety is that the biggest problem with bondage is loss of circulation, which can cause some numbing and eventually some nerve damage. So if you're the bottom, be sure to tell your top if you're experiencing any numbness. And if you're the top, you're going to want to look for discoloration of the limbs, particularly the fingers and feel them, I often just feel the fingers and when they start to turn cool, then I know that the circulation has been cut off, they'll also turn very red. toxins accumulate when the circulation is cut off, that's not great. There can be some temporary nerve damage if a nervous pinched for a while that's not great. A good thing to do is test the tightness of your ropes, the general rule of thumb Well, the general rule of Pinky is that if you can get a pinky under your ropes, they're probably okay. And just because someone's experiencing numbness doesn't mean you have to get them out of the bondage very quickly, that it's a problem. But it is something you're going to want to make sure that you're aware of. Next, I want to encourage you to never ever leave someone tied up and alone. I know it sounds like a hot scene if you want to pretend put a blindfold them on them and pretend that you left but don't actually leave them alone. Because Shit happens. And it's just not the best safety practice. Now, let's talk about the body and where the rope should go repeat after me. This is a lot more fun when I'm teaching this class in person, but still repeat after me. Never tie the crunchy bits. Okay, you didn't do that? Well, we'll try it again. Never tie the crunchy bits. Better. What are the crunchy bits? Well, the biggest one is the trachea on the neck. That's something that you don't want to put rope on if there's going to be pressure because it's you know, fairly delicate and it doesn't want to go crunch. The other crunchy bits are joints. The good news is rope really does not want to be on a joint it will slip off of most joints. And in truth we do put a lot of rope on the wrist joints. But in places that are bony, you want to be very cognizant that rope is not going to love being there. And the body's not going to love having it there. Now repeat after me. Be careful with the smushy bits. Yeah, good. What are the smushy bits, that's your organs that's all in your torso. In general, you're probably not going to end up throwing a lot of rope on the torso. And if you do, it's not really a problem at all. But it's a good practice to cultivate an awareness that there's stuff in there. And then if you're putting a lot of rope with a lot of tension on the torso, you're compressing a lot of organs. Just be aware of that. Just be mindful of it. Now, repeat after me. Go to town on the meaty bits. Yeah, anything you can work out at the gym is a good place to put rope. Biceps, forearms, pecs, fives, quads, calves. Remember that rope is a system of managing pressure and what manages pressure best is cushion. Muscle is cushion. rope wants muscle muscle wants rope. So make that connection. But a lot of rope wherever you see a lot of muscle. Now let's talk about the kinds of rope there are basically two kinds of rope. There's rope that is twisted, also called blade, and then there's rope that's braided. It's really pretty easy to tell which is which if it's twisted rope, you simply untwist it and you'll be able to see right through it. And braided it obviously looks braided. braided rope has a braided outer sheath and a stiffer inner core. twisted rope relies on strands twisted with strands twisted with strands in opposite directions. And then the frictional tension keeps them from all unwinding. It's actually kind of a fascinating process. There are also two main bonded troops now you can get all kinds of ropes and exotic fibers you can get bamboo rope. I have a hank of linen rope. This is just so beautiful. But the two main bonded troops are hemp and multifilament polypropylene. Yeah, let me try that again. multifilament polypropylene, that's a mouthful. So what we call it instead is M F P It's synthetic fiber, it's very affordable. And it's perfectly serviceable. The nice thing about MFP is it comes in every color imaginable, including camouflage, including red, white, and blue if you want to be American and patriotic. What's beautiful about that is you can match your rope to your dungeon. And how wonderfully clear is that? I prefer him because it's a natural fiber, it smells great, it feels great. And it holds not so well. Like if you're just at the end of the rope, and you could just barely get the knot with him. Hemp is so grippy it will hold that not MFP. Because it's a kind of nylon like synthetic fiber, it's a little more slippery. Hemp is also less likely to cause rope burn as you're dragging it across the body than something like MFP. But there's a huge difference in price now. I'm putting prices from pre pandemic and probably even before that, but this is the last time I checked, let's say 5678 years ago, it's a rough guide hemp $1 A foot MFP 10 cents a foot. So MFP is cheaper, comes in a wide variety of colors. It is effective, and it is pretty easy to care for and cut to different lengths. It's a good starting place. If you're just starting your rope kit. Hemp is more expensive, involves a lot of hand labor to produce beautiful, sensual natural. Not that hard to care for beautiful on the body holds beautifully. The one thing I would recommend is if you go to a local hardware store, the rope there is probably going to be really bad, because it'll probably be braided rope with a really stiff core. And that just does not feel good on the body. It doesn't tie well. It doesn't hold knots. Well, it's great if you want to strap something on the top of your car, but please don't strap it onto a person. Other thing and this may be particularly a gay male thing, I don't know. I'm just guessing. You know, the gay males we like things big. You know what I'm talking about? big and thick. And then the bigger and thicker the better. And I mean cigars, I mean, boots, I mean penises. And some people want big thick rope. big thick rope is horrible. Why? Because bondage is a system of managing pressure. big thick rope applies almost no pressure, it does not hold a knot well, either. Similarly, super, super thin rope will be more likely to cut the skin, it's a little bit too intense in pressure. However good. parachute cord is really good for cocking ballpark. But I will say that, in general, though, I would recommend that you aim for a diameter of a quarter inch or six millimeter. In terms of lengths. You know, this is something where you think God a lot of rubber is going to be really good. And particularly if you're doing Japanese bondage, the first thing you do is fold the rope in half. So you immediately cut the amount of rope you have in half. And I work on guys, right and guys have big, they're big big torsos, big chest, big arms. So you would think, Oh, let me work with 50 foot of rope because then I'm actually working with 25 feet, I have a couple of 50 foot hangs and they are unwieldy. I mean, I get caught up in the rope and trip trip myself all the time. So I don't recommend anything above 30 foot length. 25 and 30 foot lengths are really good. For tightness of the torso, you're probably going to run out of rope. That's okay, you can add rope into rope. It's a pretty easy process for something more like tying limbs 15 feet, really good size. So I would get maybe four fifteens and a couple 30s. And then you're set in your basic rope kit. Let's talk about knots. Now, I sometimes feel that people are really intimidated by bondage because they're afraid they have to learn all these complicated knots. The truth is that for most bondage, the knots are fairly simple. And that real basic thing not you need to know is the square or reef knot. You can Google this, you can learn it on your own. You may have learned it if you're at all familiar with sailing or if you were in the boy scouts or anything like that. It's a pretty simple knot. People fuck it up all the time. I fuck it up all the time. Because it's one thing to have like two pieces of rope in your hand and oh, look at this pretty square knot. But when you are trying to rotate that in three dimensions around the body, because you're upside down behind someone's wrist trying to get the knot. It's just really hard to do the three dimensional rotation in your head. So if you fuck up the square knot and you will, what you're going to end up with is called a granny knot. I'm not a huge fan of that term because I feel like you know, anything that sort of blinks feminization to somehow less, I try to resist in our culture, so let's call it a grand person not, you're probably going to end up with a grand person not. The only real problem with a grand person knot is that it slips, a square knot does not slip under tension, it gets tighter under tension, grande person not slips under tension. Here's the good news. No one cares. No one cares. If the person you're tying up really cares about the knots, put a blindfold on them, so they can't see the knots. If you make a grand person, not simply do two or three, and it's going to hold just fine. Ideally, you will master the square knot and have square knots all of your bondage. But in reality, even the best of us, I think, sometimes get the square knot a little wrong. And the best way to compensate is to do that a couple times, put in a few grand person knots. That's the main knot, you need to know for most basic bondage. There's an even simpler knot that is at the core of Japanese bondage. It's called a larks head knot. And it's really you take a loop of rope and let it flip over and then pull it through. I that's not a good description because I'm on a podcast. But if you Google it, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Super easy, not those two knots square knot and a larks head. That is about 90% of all the complicated beautiful Japanese bonded you see, there are a couple of hitches and half hitches. But those are also easy knots. Knots are not the problem knots are not the problem. The problem is developing muscle memory. Bondage is a skill, and you need to practice it. And if you don't have someone to practice on, that can be really complicated. You can certainly practice it on yourself on your legs. I've done that quite a bit. But in general, you need to practice the skill to master it. I'm going to point you to a really wonderful web resource called twisted monk. They are a company that makes really beautiful hemp rope. But they also have, I think, the best web tutorials on some really basic ties that will get you started in bondage and get you started in Japanese bondage. I'll put that link in the Episode Notes. Finally, let me say bondage should be tight. Let me repeat that bondage should be tight. It's better to have bondage that's too tight, and you have to loosen it, then bondage that isn't tight enough, because if it's not tight enough, it's not going to feel like bondage, and there's a good chance your bottom will be disappointed. I can't the rule of thumb, the rule of Pinky is can you get your pinky underneath it. But I think a lot of people are a little afraid to type on ditch tight. Don't be bondage is supposed to be tight. And the hardcore atheist of the bondage pigs like it really, really tight. That's a little overview of some bondage basics, including safety gear, you should have safety things you should look out for an introduction to the types of rope and what lengths you might want to get. And then introduction to the two knots you're going to have to learn or not learn and just put any old knot in there. And I hope that provides you a good start. The big message is that you can learn bondage, it is not complicated. The most complicated Japanese rope bondage you see is some very, very simple ties repeated with variation. And once you figure that out, once you look at that complicated tie and see, oh, that's like six lock heads, and then they do that right? Once you can deconstruct it, you can reconstruct it and it becomes really quite manageable. So don't be intimidated by bondage. Instead, give yourself a chance to explore it. And I hope that exploration is fantastic. And I'm here with Master dark master dark. Welcome to full cow.

Dart: 29:05

Thank you for having me. Absolutely. Can you start by telling us what your pronouns are and how you identify in the community? Yeah, so my pronouns are keen him. And I identify Well, I usually go by MasterCard, primarily a Dong, but I'm openly a switch. So some people have known me as a boy, as well. So wonderful. And this is an episode about bondage. So maybe you can start by telling us about your relationship to bondage. Oh, gosh, well, the relationship I have with bondage has been a very long and winding road. I can honestly say, like many peoples can. I can honestly say that, that my interest in bondage can be traced back to my early childhood, probably before I even felt my sexuality if that makes sense. As a child, I saw images depicted in in movies and cartoons and television, you know, like the the old Batman series from the 60s, you know, when things were being done by diabolical villains to the other superheroes or cowboys on Gun Smoke, where they were being tied up or held in some kind of an evil, prison like contraption, and I distinctly remember, as a child feeling things that made me draw the conclusion that I was different from my childhood peers. And that was really kind of the beginning. And then as I got older, and, you know, went through the process of, of sexual development, you know, that's when I started becoming aware of my gay feelings and my interest in men. And with that, I also had these desires that I wanted to explore bondage with men, I wanted to be tied up, and I wanted to tie them up. For a long time, I was really, really conflicted, both of being gay and, you know, with with being kinky I was, I was coming out of the closet in the 80s, which was not the easiest time to, of course, I don't know if there really is a time where it's where it's easy. But, I mean, I lived in West Hollywood, when I officially came out of the closet as gay, so I was certainly in an environment where it was supportive, and conducive to being me, but I didn't feel terribly supported being kinky. And I remember, you know, my early 20s Going into the different like bookstore, and having to sneak to the back section were down in gagged magazine was and all of the Fetish magazines, you know, a magazine that I wound up posing for several times, you know, years after, but yeah, so it just it kind of, you know, it just developed and, you know, as, as I think we're around the same age edge, you know, we didn't have the hookup possibilities from the Internet back then. So I was also relying on 976 numbers as a means of finding finding play partners and experiencing things, but it's really kind of the long the short of it. I mean, there's been all kinds of facets to my exploration of bondage, and, yeah, yeah. Are you drawn to a particular kind of bondage like some people really like rope, some people are really into metal? Or do you range across different types and styles, I go through the whole spectrum, you know, there was a time where I really had a passion for rope. And I used to actually, I was gonna know primarily for teaching like row classes at events. And, you know, my early mentors and people I looked up to in the community were rope tops. And then I got kind of burnt out on rope. And I met a lot of people that were sort of more interested in, in the artistic expression of rope. And there's, there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's all good, but I kind of lost connection with my joy of bondage in doing rope, it became more about, you know, showing off the pretty knots that you had learned. So then I started you know, going more into like, you know, leather restraints, and then you know, metal and things like ramification. And then my husband and we have this really, really fun playroom. So then I got to, you know, enjoy what you can do when you actually had your own dungeon. So, really, it I love the whole spectrum of bondage. But I love that you've, you've talked a couple times now about the kind of evolution both you're evolving, twisting road with bondage and evolving different styles of bondage. Where are you at right now? Today, like, you love tying people up to you so like to get tied up and rope knot rope Where where are we today? We are just as passionate as I was, I think when I was a little eight when I was an eight year old boy, when it when it comes to bondage. I still love playing with my husband. He's usually the one who gets put in bondage. But every once in a while, I'll tell me like, you know what, I really, really need some good bondage play. And we'll turn the tables and it really scratches the itch. And we're opening our relationship so I still we love when we bring in someone else for a bondage experience. And sometimes it's their first experience in bondage and I love living vicariously through them and learn how they feel when the shots get all stitched for the first time. So yeah, I also love that you're really pointing out that you can still be a master and like being tied up. I mean, there's a sort of beautiful physical sensation and restraint that doesn't have anything to do with being a slave per se. I always thought that I didn't realize that there were these rules that were written. I thought, we're just supposed to be who we are, you know? And, you know, just like someone told me the other day and masters never supposed to get fucked. Can you imagine? That's crazy? My prostate disagrees. I'm glad you're bringing up these rules, because one of the reasons I reached out to you is the kind of educational videos you do on Twitter that really explode this notion of rules and gatekeeping. And how did that get started for you? Like, what made you start doing that work on Twitter? Yes, so I've had I've been on Twitter actually, for a while. And I now have a nice, substantial following from from Twitter. And, you know, the most of what we post is the the play that my husband and I do and, and it's still really, really gratifying when I get, you know, direct messages from people, especially like young people who say, you know, thank you for your videos, it really makes me very, very excited to be who I am, when I see your videos. And that, to me is like what it's all about. Because, you know, we're into this because we are different, you know, really from the island of misfit toys. And I think one of the best messages that we have the older generation can give is that you need to celebrate who you are. When I started off in letter in Cancun, I think it was 30 years ago, 1992, the people that I interacted with that had the greatest impact on me, were the ones that were very encouraging, and nurturing. They held me to a very, very high standard, but they they never shamed me, you know, they never invalidated. who I was, or what my level of experience was. And what I have been noticing, now that you know, I'm of an older generation is that older generations don't like evolution, you know, they see what a younger generation is doing something different. They see it as maybe a threat that what they've done is gonna get wiped out, or some I don't know what it is, or maybe it's an ego, but I thought, No, I want to be one of those people that provided the support and the encouragement. Because leather, and kink is all about evolving. And, and, and embracing and celebrating your sense of self. And the greatest way that we can do that is is when an older generation, like supports are doing that and says and says, hey, it's, it's your game now that it doesn't need to look the way it looked with with me, it needs to look what ignites your spirit. So that's what I tried to do with those Twitter messages.

Edge : 37:54

When I love that you pointed out that you really had some great mentors. I know, I had amazing mentors when I was first getting into kink. And I do think there's a big mentorship gap. Now, I mean, you talked about these young people approaching you, like how, as a community, should we be mentoring in this digital age? Well, I mean, I'm making it up as we go along. Short, because I don't know if it was the same for you edge. But But I think we're around the same age when when, when we were getting started, it was right, in the crux of the AIDS crisis. So so a lot of that would have been our mentors were dying, you know, they were in hospice, and we were,

Dart: 38:34

you know, busy doing fundraisers just are just to get them fed. I think, if we are an older generation, we have to embrace change. We can't be threatened by it, we have to, I think we have to put our egos aside and realize that even though we may have a great deal of experience, we've never, we never stopped learning. And there's some really, really wonderful things that we can learn. When we stop and genuinely listen to someone who is new, or younger, in all of this and the way they approach it. You know, they bring they bring a completely different set of values, a completely different perspective to the table. And when you get your own ego out of it and genuinely listen to what they have to share. It's actually really, really refreshing. It can add to your own experience. So when it comes to mentoring, if you can kind of embrace that and then realize, okay, well, you probably do have something to share. So come from a place of support, and,

Edge : 39:43

you know, letting letting them know that, hey, I went through all kinds of trials and tribulations as well. And that's all okay. You're gonna be fine. Yeah, it does get better. Everyone out there. It gets better. It does. I also think there's kind of a numbers game going on. Like I do think we're about the same Ah, and when I was coming out, there weren't, there weren't 1000s of young leather people at least we didn't have the internet to find each other. And now I go on Twitter, I've got, you've got I think 37,000 Something followers, I have, like 27,000 Something followers, this sort of one on one mentoring we received, I just don't know if that's possible to scale. So do you think doing these, like videos or outreach through digital media is a way to bridge that gap? I do. You know, because one of the things that the internet provides for us is, is now you can, you can feel a certain amount of kinship from someone on the other side of the world.

Dart: 40:39

You know, that wasn't possible before. I mean, one thing I'm noticing from my own experience is like, like, for instance, I have a unique fetish for beards and mustaches, and fake ones. I don't understand where it came from. But I've had it all my life, and I absolutely fucking love it. Well, because of the internet, I've actually been able to connect with some people that share that fetish. So now, we're suddenly not limited to what's in the drop down menu, so to speak, you know, like, well, I've never heard of that cake before, like, Well, no, there's like 1000s of them out there. But what's important is to connect with someone who shares the same kind of unique content. Now you have a means of supporting each other, to add to embrace who you are, because of your uniqueness. And with the internet, I think if you put a message out there that touches someone that you've never spoken to directly, but they follow you, I think you've done your job. I love that you're stressing connection, because connection is the basis of community. So when you are reaching out and finding these people around these strange little fetishes, you get to form a community that wouldn't have been possible without the Internet? Absolutely. Do you have any tips for someone who's just getting into bondage? Let's start with someone who wants to get tied up? What tips would you give them? Well, you know, the, the, the, the main thing is to connect with someone who you can play with, you know, there's all kinds of general safety precautions that you should take. Because basically, you'll be hooking up with a stranger, and either letting him tie you up, or you're gonna be tying them up, there's always going to be an element of danger. When it comes to like forging these connections, I think that's one of the things that makes them sort of exciting. But you know, before you engage in that, you know, talk to other people, whether it's in a club or an organization, or online, ask for advice, Hey, what should I do? And they'll say, Okay, well let a friend know where you're going, possibly that this person in the community, find out what their level of experience are. And then and then when you play with them, here are some things that you might want to look for. Do they establish a safe word? Do they ask if you have any biomechanical issues, bad back or something like that? You know, ask what their level of experience is. And then you can kind of gauge well, okay, this person seems to be safe, or I think it'd be okay. You're exploring us. Trust your gut. Yeah, it will never, it will never lie to you.

Edge : 43:16

But, but I would also tell them like no matter how hungry you are, to explore something, no matter how much your sense of of arousal tries to take over, don't ever lose your sense of logic, and sensibility. And if I'm someone who wants to learn how to tie people up, what tips would you have?

Dart: 43:36

Well, the best thing to do, I think, is to is to enroll in a workshop, like if you can go to an events like say, claw or something local, you know, maybe your local other organization, you know, has little bondage clubs that meet once a week or something like that, you know, that's a good place to start. That's where you can meet some really, really sane people that just like to get together and tie each other up and have fun. There's online tutorials that you can you can go to, to naughty boys would be one of them. Twisted bunk.com has some free videos that I am in with Midori, and a couple of other well known bondage icons. It's just a good place to start, you know, where they tell you like, okay, these are some basic things with bondage that you should know. And it's I mean, it's a manual skill at some point, you actually have to do it and you have to practice. Exactly.

Edge : 44:32

And I love that for both those sets of tips. You really brought us back to community so that if you're someone thinking about getting tied up, try to get them vetted by people, you know, people in the community. And if you want to learn how to tie someone up, try to connect your local community and get that hands on education. So I mean, it all comes back to community, right? Absolutely. And do you have anything else you'd like to say to the full cow audience?

Dart: 44:59

Good as well, you know, one of the things that would have been told to me, as I explored my my love of bondage and just in being a Letter Person, there isn't a way that you have to do something. The most important thing, the most important method in exploring your path is to be you. And do not get caught up in this idea, this fundamentalist idea that your leather and kinky experience has to look like everybody else's. You know, there are guidelines that you should, you know, certainly abide by, especially when it comes to just safety and well being. But the idea that there's a set protocol and tradition that if you don't follow this, then you're not a yoga abiding by the two way. You know, that's, that's, that's false. That's oppressive. You know, that's, that's someone else projecting their ideals onto you. And don't ever lose sight of who you are wonderful at his great message. He's rich.

Edge : 46:01

And thank you so much for joining us today. Oh, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me, because it's awesome. And welcome to erotic storytime, not a lot of people know that I wrote really quite a few erotic stories in my youth, some of which were published. And you know, that's what we did back then we didn't have the internet or not much of it. We certainly didn't have apps, but we had magazines. So we, we wrote a lot of erotic fiction, and we read a lot of erotic fiction. I haven't read a story in years, in part because my life got busy and in part because I'm not sure that as a culture as queer kinky culture, we are as oriented towards reading evidenced by the fact that you're now listening to my podcast. However, if you are interested in my stories, I do have a collection of them available on Amazon in Kindle format at a very affordable price. I will include the link in the Episode Notes, what you'll find in all of my stories is that even back in the day, even when I was a young lad, I was very invested in cultural transmission. So I include a lot of very specific details in my stories. I don't just talk about boots, I talk about Wesco boots. I don't, don't just talk about gloves, I talked about Damascus gloves. Because even then I thought those details really situated. The context, not just the erotic context, but the cultural context. And as it turns out, you know, teaching people about culture through erotics really works because they get horny, and then those details get absorbed in and they connect them to being horny and we love that the story I have for you today is called HAMP, appropriately enough, given that this is the bondage episode, and it was written way back in 2003. Oh my lord, that's a long time ago. Now. It is roughly accurate, I've read through it and there are a few details I would change. You would whipstitch the ends of the rope at the very end, not at the beginning. And as it turns out, using a candle to singe hemp is a really bad idea because you just get swept all over the rope. But I have done this process I have made my own hemp It is entirely possible to do. It is incredibly labor intensive. And I think that's part of the beauty of it to have your submissive prepare a set of ropes, literally investing their time, energy and soul. And that's very much centered in this story. So it's a rough guide to what you need to do. I'm sure you can find some good guides, good guides on the internet. But let's get started with the story. And here we go. Only hemp will do sure I've tried the others MFP cotton, even nylon, but nothing and I mean nothing is like hemp. It's not simply the fact that it's the traditional rope in Japanese chivari though that certainly part of it always been something of a purist. It's also the absolute sensory engagement of hemp for both my victim and myself. The color of well used hemp mellowed from a grassy hay huge wood deep rich golden brown. The smell of it rich like fallen leaves trampled underfoot on an autumn stay. The feel of it soft and unyielding. The sight of it as it is wound again and again around a limb binding it as neatly as a package. The sound of it a subtle wish pulled against the skin. Yeah, only Hempel do. And if you were to beg to be my victim, and if I were to choose you, you would come to know him very, very well. Intimately in fact, because my rope scenes start weeks before you arrive ritual after all is the first step towards the minds erection. If I agree to accept you agree to take you into my world for time and hold you there immobile motionless subject to my rope. You would start by ordering raw hemp 100 feet of it six millimeter twisted. The instructions would be clear as would be the purpose you would be bringing to me rope that had been invested with a piece of your soul All ties that I would use to wrap you up in your own being your own time and energy. Each step would be spelled out for you. When the rope arrives whipstitch the ends, diagrams and instructions of course would be provided for you as with the extra command that should you prick your finger in the process, you should soak whatever blood seeps out into the rope. And then then you boil it, hang it to dry, boil it again, hang it to dry, boil it a third time, hang it to dry. Three times really is more than it's needed, but I never discount the power of three. The immediate hold that simple number has on a mind. Successive nights spent with the green grass smell soaked through your home. The sight of the rope hanging as you yourself might come to hanging in my hands. And then one tall black pillar of a candle lights low. You alone in the quiet of the evening singeing the ropes fine stray hairs, bringing order to its fringe of chaos, taming it and grooming it. Knowing that the smoother the rope is in the end, the happier you will be in wrapped in its embrace. Hope oil, which I may be so generous as to send you is the final step, smoothing it into the rope as it runs slippery through your fingers. Now, should I have particular design on you should I wish to turn you into more than an object at my booted feet to turn you instead into a punching bag for example, then the dyeing would start Black should you be destined to suffer pain in my hands. Blue should my cock hunger for your ass, red sugar whole Twitch for my fist, you purchase the dye and the process begins again, boiling and soaking hanging to dry three times. My favorites aesthetically are black and red. Hemp itself seems to love the black soaking it in and through. And the red when married to the golden fibres. produces not a blaring brightness, but a brooding depth. Not fire engine red but blood red sea you see before you even reach me before you show up before my door nervous and excited and hungry. I will have taken control of some piece of you. And you will hand that piece to me and so much more. The moment you arrive, dropping to your knees and presenting the rope. Of course I take it taking comes naturally to me. In fact that's why you've sought me out because you're so tired of just giving because you need someone who takes and someone who knows what to do with it once it's taken naturally you strip Can you imagine how it will feel to be naked and kneeling before me? Can you smell my leathers even now see the glint off my boots, feel the warmth of my gloves as they reach down to stroke your face? Your weight there of course as I uncoiled the rope, test your work feel for you in the strands and then only then we begin. It could be Mooney Nala or click Jaco Connie or cuckoo or Jacobi? To be sure I know these classic forms of Japanese rope bondage and appreciate them the way I appreciate the way my leather pants hugged my crotch just so but more often I improvise. No, that's not quite right. It's more accurate to say that what I do is respond to your body and to the rope. So for starters, my hands would explore your body. Not romantically and not exactly clinically, it's more a process of possibilities. How far will this arm bend up? Can your knees reach your chest? How far apart can your legs be spread? All the while I'm exploring you to through conversation. Because good pond is just a journey, you know, and I need to know where you want to go. It might be that I snuggle you into rope hood you and leave you to float on some inner stream. It might be instead that I tie you in a deceptively simple position that with time becomes increasingly painful. Don't worry, I get what I wasn't always, but you need to be coming along for the ride. Your heart, I imagine will skip a beat precisely one, even as your cock jumps. The moment I fold that rope in half the signal that I have learned what I needed to learn and so I'm ready to start. I'll lay it to the side respectfully, just long enough to take the gray bandana, mount it, perhaps soak it in my piss and tie it into your waiting and hungry mouth. As I pick the rope up again, I'll draw it through my hands, working out its kinks as I look at you more intently than ever, visualizing the first strands of rope Stark against your naked skin. And then finally, working from the bite that simple bend where the rope folds over and return fringe to itself. I start the process of transforming you. Your arm is bent up to your shoulder. The bite hangs down about a foot as I begin to wrap 1234 loops around your arm positioned exactingly so that the rope neighbors itself neatly with each pass, the rope seemed loose that you soon learn they won't remain that way. As I take up the dangling bite and wrap it over the strands that I've carefully laid just so cinching the bite into the rope, just bite your skin. Then knowing it with the rest of the rope, guess what? That army moving. It's then repositioned into your elbows in the air pointing as straight up as possible. A guide the rope under the opposite armpit, wrap it across your chest just above your pecs, back up under the armpit of your now captured arm snugging the rope even as I bend your free arm and position it in the air, a mirror to your other. Begin the rope wraps your arm again it crosses itself to tighten your bondage. The free ends returned to the little X that has been formed at the nape of your neck as the rope crossed below one pit and up from the other. A simple knot around that x completes this piece of your torture 100 feet looks like a lot of rope until you get it on a body. The rope you've brought all 100 feet already in circles your arms and chest keeping them just where the fuck I want them. At there's so much more in store so I hold out more rope rope left behind by so many other worshipful boys but the coil I choose Next is one I myself have prepped. This is a gift here if I don't tell you that still. You might feel it might feel me holding you tight and close in the twine of this hemp. Your eyes are treasure I delve them in my gaze as I pull apart the coil match the ends and stroke the rope through my hand. There's fear there just a bit but hunger to and just there. Right there is the spark of something that will become I know bliss. This time the bite is placed around your neck a loose hem collar secured with a simple half hitch. A series of these simple knots begin forming down your body until I reach your crotch with one final not just above your heart and dripping caulk the rope that goes up your ass I give it an extra tug there are no better way to say silently You are mine and more half hitches find their way up here back into the rope is married to the already existing tie at your neck. This son is the sort of Kiku the classic tortoise shell body harness, I pick up another coil of rope another one from me but this one only 50 foot and begin to slow but shore process of forming the familiar diamond pattern of ropes and circling your upper torso. To tie your torso this way is on some level meaningless. It's not like Kiku will limit your movements in itself. But I choose it boy so that your heart will peed just beneath my rope. Another 100 feet of rope. This time recoil from one of my favorite boys and one of my first this rope is my sophist but also I am sure my strongest just right for securing your legs with their masses of muscle. I guide you to the floor watching with pleasure as you wince the rope up your ass biting in that much more. Your ass firmly grounded your arm secure and helpless your legs stretched out before you I continue. I started the feet bite hanging free loops placed neatly around your ankles bite cinched across and nodded. I run the rope up to just below your knee and repeat the careful looping and tight cinching always the cinching a punctuation mark to each piece of the emerging rope work. One more grouping just above your knees and this part of the hole is complete more rope. I draw your knees up until they kiss my ropes criss crossing your chest. A cow hitch down at the ropes of your ankles secures the Biden leaves me to weave with the bitter ends, the working ends of the rope. My hands move definitely now driven by the rope itself, its knee to enclose you more and more completely. I work the ropes from the diamonds across your torso and down to your legs and back again and again. And again. When it's done, your legs are firmly knitted to your chest. Your arms are essentially behind your neck and a classic position of submission as though I were a cop cuffing it's done. I stepped back to admire my work working my stiff cock out of my leather pants to stroke it appreciatively. You haven't yet tested your bonds but you will. You haven't yet felt the pain of this position, the stress it will cause on your back. But you will. So I said and I Wait, your eyes look to me questioningly. I know the question and I speak the answer. Nah, son. This is just the start stewing that for a bit. We got lots more to do. audibly, a sigh escapes around the gag as I watch you sink into the embrace of the ropes. Yeah, we've got lots more to do. And that's it for this episode of full power. Thank you so much for joining me and if you've enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing. Make your leather journey. Always be blessed.