{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":5.549,"endTime":7.709,"body":"Let's talk about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":5.549,"endTime":7.709,"body":"submission"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":12.99,"endTime":16.86,"body":"this podcast contains material"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":12.99,"endTime":16.86,"body":"intended for a mature audience."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":16.92,"endTime":20.37,"body":"Before proceeding, please check"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":16.92,"endTime":20.37,"body":"your local laws and confirm that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":20.37,"endTime":21.06,"body":"you are an adult."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":38.22,"endTime":42.57,"body":"Welcome to full cow, a podcast"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":38.22,"endTime":42.57,"body":"about leather kink and BDSM. 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The language"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":557.19,"endTime":560.58,"body":"of dominant and submissive to me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":557.19,"endTime":560.58,"body":"felt imported from the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":560.58,"endTime":563.58,"body":"heterosexual community that is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":560.58,"endTime":563.58,"body":"where I heard it growing up in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":563.58,"endTime":567.36,"body":"leather and therefore, it always"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":563.58,"endTime":567.36,"body":"feels slightly foreign to me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.51,"endTime":572.01,"body":"The second reason is that as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.51,"endTime":572.01,"body":"upper Merion, I know that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":572.01,"endTime":576.42,"body":"dominant and submissive are not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":572.01,"endTime":576.42,"body":"nouns. They are adjectives, they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":576.42,"endTime":580.77,"body":"are not states of being their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":576.42,"endTime":580.77,"body":"qualities of being. So when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":580.77,"endTime":585.27,"body":"hear them used as nouns, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":580.77,"endTime":585.27,"body":"doesn't it's not exactly nails"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":585.27,"endTime":589.62,"body":"against a chalkboard, but it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":585.27,"endTime":589.62,"body":"grates a little bit against my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":589.62,"endTime":593.73,"body":"soul. And I think there's very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":589.62,"endTime":593.73,"body":"good cause for us to hold on to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":593.73,"endTime":597.42,"body":"the fact that these are not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":593.73,"endTime":597.42,"body":"nouns these are adjectives,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":597.78,"endTime":599.97,"body":"because as adjectives they are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":597.78,"endTime":599.97,"body":"in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":600.0,"endTime":604.65,"body":"Orton modifiers to other kink"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":600.0,"endTime":604.65,"body":"identities, so you can have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":604.65,"endTime":609.42,"body":"dominant boy, you can have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":604.65,"endTime":609.42,"body":"submissive Daddy, you can have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":609.42,"endTime":612.99,"body":"dominant pup, you can have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":609.42,"endTime":612.99,"body":"submissive Mistress, I'm sure it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":612.99,"endTime":619.05,"body":"exists. If we lose sight of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":612.99,"endTime":619.05,"body":"activeness of these words, then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.05,"endTime":622.65,"body":"we are collapsing the quality of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.05,"endTime":622.65,"body":"being into the state of being."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.95,"endTime":626.67,"body":"And I think we lose something in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.95,"endTime":626.67,"body":"that. I will admit that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":626.67,"endTime":629.25,"body":"sometimes for the sake of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":626.67,"endTime":629.25,"body":"convenience and the rhythm of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":629.25,"endTime":633.51,"body":"language, I will use them as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":629.25,"endTime":633.51,"body":"nouns. But I don't like to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.51,"endTime":633.66,"body":"it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":635.04,"endTime":638.91,"body":"I'd like to make one other very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":635.04,"endTime":638.91,"body":"important note before we get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":639.24,"endTime":642.45,"body":"into the topic of submission."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":639.24,"endTime":642.45,"body":"And that is the very important"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":642.45,"endTime":648.81,"body":"observation that being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":642.45,"endTime":648.81,"body":"submissive is not being passive."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":649.35,"endTime":653.19,"body":"And this is a mythology that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":649.35,"endTime":653.19,"body":"actually sort of been baked into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":653.25,"endTime":657.0,"body":"recon, which is a huge,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":653.25,"endTime":657.0,"body":"wonderful cruising site for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":657.0,"endTime":661.11,"body":"kinky people. But the suggestion"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":657.0,"endTime":661.11,"body":"that somehow submission is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":661.11,"endTime":665.82,"body":"passivity, is utterly wrong."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":661.11,"endTime":665.82,"body":"submission is an extraordinarily"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":665.91,"endTime":670.86,"body":"active position, that you must"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":665.91,"endTime":670.86,"body":"not only be active in the scene"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":670.86,"endTime":676.62,"body":"by actively obeying, actively"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":670.86,"endTime":676.62,"body":"positioning yourself, actively"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":676.62,"endTime":680.73,"body":"responding to what your dominant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":676.62,"endTime":680.73,"body":"person is doing to you. But on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":680.73,"endTime":685.44,"body":"the inside, you must be actively"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":680.73,"endTime":685.44,"body":"choosing to submit Minute by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":685.44,"endTime":689.61,"body":"Minute, second by second. So I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":685.44,"endTime":689.61,"body":"think it's very important that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":689.61,"endTime":694.98,"body":"we hold that distinction between"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":689.61,"endTime":694.98,"body":"submission and passivity, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":694.98,"endTime":699.39,"body":"really hold on to the fact that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":694.98,"endTime":699.39,"body":"submission is a very active"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":699.39,"endTime":704.07,"body":"state of being. Now let's talk"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":699.39,"endTime":704.07,"body":"about what that state of being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":704.34,"endTime":709.68,"body":"is, as a quality of being, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":704.34,"endTime":709.68,"body":"find that submission is a psycho"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":709.68,"endTime":714.06,"body":"spatial quality. And by psycho"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":709.68,"endTime":714.06,"body":"spatial, I mean that it occupies"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":714.06,"endTime":717.96,"body":"both an inner mental landscape,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":714.06,"endTime":717.96,"body":"but also a physical space here"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":717.96,"endTime":721.5,"body":"in the three dimensional world."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":717.96,"endTime":721.5,"body":"And primarily for both of those"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":721.5,"endTime":726.93,"body":"I find it's about orientation,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":721.5,"endTime":726.93,"body":"the submissive person literally"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":727.05,"endTime":731.88,"body":"orient themselves to their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":727.05,"endTime":731.88,"body":"dominant person. You know, Sara"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":731.88,"endTime":734.64,"body":"Ahmed is a really brilliant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":731.88,"endTime":734.64,"body":"philosopher, and she has an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":734.64,"endTime":740.22,"body":"essay about fear as a turning"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":734.64,"endTime":740.22,"body":"away. But submission is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":740.22,"endTime":745.38,"body":"turning to the submissive person"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":740.22,"endTime":745.38,"body":"orienting themselves physically"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":745.41,"endTime":749.49,"body":"to their dominant person, by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":745.41,"endTime":749.49,"body":"kneeling before them, walking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":749.49,"endTime":753.69,"body":"behind them, standing to the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":749.49,"endTime":753.69,"body":"left of them, laying prostrate"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":753.69,"endTime":757.92,"body":"before them, they are constantly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":753.69,"endTime":757.92,"body":"turning towards that person"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":757.92,"endTime":763.38,"body":"physically, to orient themselves"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":757.92,"endTime":763.38,"body":"in the world. But that orienting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":763.38,"endTime":767.94,"body":"process also happens internally,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":763.38,"endTime":767.94,"body":"the dominant person is the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":767.94,"endTime":771.93,"body":"leader, the guide, the person"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":767.94,"endTime":771.93,"body":"who tells them where they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":771.93,"endTime":776.13,"body":"going, that helps them find"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":771.93,"endTime":776.13,"body":"their way. And in this, this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":776.13,"endTime":780.24,"body":"dominant person is a little bit"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":776.13,"endTime":780.24,"body":"like the guide star, the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":780.24,"endTime":784.59,"body":"submissive person can constantly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":780.24,"endTime":784.59,"body":"orient their own journey in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":784.59,"endTime":789.27,"body":"relation to the dominant person,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":784.59,"endTime":789.27,"body":"and where they are standing as a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":789.27,"endTime":793.08,"body":"psycho spatial element, I find"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":789.27,"endTime":793.08,"body":"that submission also has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":793.11,"endTime":796.92,"body":"breadth, and depth. And I want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":793.11,"endTime":796.92,"body":"to pause here a little bit,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":796.95,"endTime":801.96,"body":"because a lot of times when we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":796.95,"endTime":801.96,"body":"talk about categories that have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":803.22,"endTime":806.88,"body":"neither binary elements, or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":803.22,"endTime":806.88,"body":"somehow allow for some sort of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":806.88,"endTime":810.33,"body":"ranking, there's some sense that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":806.88,"endTime":810.33,"body":"one is better than the other. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":810.33,"endTime":813.78,"body":"that wider is better than"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":810.33,"endTime":813.78,"body":"narrower or deeper, is better"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":813.78,"endTime":818.28,"body":"than shallow. I want to really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":813.78,"endTime":818.28,"body":"resist that and not suggest that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":818.28,"endTime":822.03,"body":"one kind of submission is better"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":818.28,"endTime":822.03,"body":"than any other kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":822.03,"endTime":825.18,"body":"submission, the kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":822.03,"endTime":825.18,"body":"submission you have is the kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":825.18,"endTime":828.48,"body":"of submission you must"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":825.18,"endTime":828.48,"body":"celebrate. However, in my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":828.48,"endTime":831.6,"body":"experience, working with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":828.48,"endTime":831.6,"body":"submissive people, there is an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":831.63,"endTime":835.83,"body":"enormous breadth possible in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":831.63,"endTime":835.83,"body":"submission. And again, we're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":835.83,"endTime":838.86,"body":"talking about both in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":835.83,"endTime":838.86,"body":"physical world and in the inter"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":838.86,"endTime":842.58,"body":"mental landscape. So the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":838.86,"endTime":842.58,"body":"submission may only take place"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":842.58,"endTime":845.43,"body":"in the bedroom, or maybe not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":842.58,"endTime":845.43,"body":"even in the bedroom, maybe only"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":845.43,"endTime":849.69,"body":"in the playroom, maybe only in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":845.43,"endTime":849.69,"body":"the house, maybe only in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":849.69,"endTime":853.47,"body":"house, and certain leather"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":849.69,"endTime":853.47,"body":"spaces may be everywhere in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":853.47,"endTime":857.73,"body":"world wherever they go. So that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":853.47,"endTime":857.73,"body":"physical space has a particular"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":857.73,"endTime":861.84,"body":"breadth to it. But that also"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":857.73,"endTime":861.84,"body":"implies an inner breadth as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":861.84,"endTime":866.43,"body":"well, that the service being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":861.84,"endTime":866.43,"body":"rendered could be only sexual"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":866.49,"endTime":870.69,"body":"only for one scene only in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":866.49,"endTime":870.69,"body":"context of the relationship. It"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":870.69,"endTime":874.74,"body":"may include domestic service, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":870.69,"endTime":874.74,"body":"may include thoughtful acts of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":874.74,"endTime":879.06,"body":"service that lie far beyond what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":874.74,"endTime":879.06,"body":"we might usually consider sexual"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":879.06,"endTime":882.87,"body":"submission. That's the breadth"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":879.06,"endTime":882.87,"body":"on talking about that it can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":882.87,"endTime":887.43,"body":"cover a range of space and a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":882.87,"endTime":887.43,"body":"range of kinds of services."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":888.45,"endTime":892.62,"body":"I find that submission also has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":888.45,"endTime":892.62,"body":"extraordinary depth. There are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":892.62,"endTime":898.38,"body":"some men who can submit so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":892.62,"endTime":898.38,"body":"deeply that their ego cells seem"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":898.38,"endTime":899.94,"body":"to kind of dissolve"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.0,"endTime":903.84,"body":"into the submission itself,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.0,"endTime":903.84,"body":"there's a sense in which at that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":903.84,"endTime":909.75,"body":"moment they exist as pure being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":903.84,"endTime":909.75,"body":"an extension of their dominance"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":909.75,"endTime":915.63,"body":"will as pure submission. But the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":909.75,"endTime":915.63,"body":"thinking ego self that's usually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":915.63,"endTime":920.79,"body":"in control day by day has been"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":915.63,"endTime":920.79,"body":"completely pushed aside. It's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":920.79,"endTime":924.48,"body":"pretty extraordinary process,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":920.79,"endTime":924.48,"body":"but also can be a very dangerous"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":924.48,"endTime":927.63,"body":"process if there's not a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":924.48,"endTime":927.63,"body":"dominant person to guide them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":927.63,"endTime":932.37,"body":"back into integration. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":927.63,"endTime":932.37,"body":"that dissolution of the ego,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":932.67,"endTime":936.03,"body":"hopefully is not permanent. We"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":932.67,"endTime":936.03,"body":"want to make sure that our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.03,"endTime":940.05,"body":"submissive pupils are able to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.03,"endTime":940.05,"body":"come back to themselves. The"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":940.05,"endTime":942.93,"body":"other thing I find about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":940.05,"endTime":942.93,"body":"submission is that it's a gift."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":943.41,"endTime":947.61,"body":"And I don't mean gift as in, oh,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":943.41,"endTime":947.61,"body":"I am giving you my submission,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":947.85,"endTime":951.75,"body":"the way I would give you a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":947.85,"endTime":951.75,"body":"present, I mean, that submission"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":951.78,"endTime":956.94,"body":"is a gift in the way we speak of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":951.78,"endTime":956.94,"body":"a particular talent as in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":956.94,"endTime":962.4,"body":"gifted musician, or a gifted"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":956.94,"endTime":962.4,"body":"athlete. It is a special talent"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":962.43,"endTime":964.53,"body":"that some people are born with."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":965.76,"endTime":969.57,"body":"Like any special talent, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":965.76,"endTime":969.57,"body":"you're a gifted musician or a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":969.57,"endTime":975.63,"body":"gifted athlete, it requires"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":969.57,"endTime":975.63,"body":"practice coaching, training, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":975.63,"endTime":980.55,"body":"requires us to be sharpened and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":975.63,"endTime":980.55,"body":"developed to really maximize the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":980.55,"endTime":984.45,"body":"potential of that giftedness. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":980.55,"endTime":984.45,"body":"too, with submission, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":984.45,"endTime":987.78,"body":"requires interaction with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":984.45,"endTime":987.78,"body":"dominant peoples to really reach"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":987.81,"endTime":992.58,"body":"its full potential. And the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":987.81,"endTime":992.58,"body":"gift, I think of submission, is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":992.58,"endTime":998.76,"body":"the ability to nudge the ego"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":992.58,"endTime":998.76,"body":"aside, we are a very ego driven"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":998.76,"endTime":1002.69,"body":"people as humans. And the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":998.76,"endTime":1002.69,"body":"ability to set that side even"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1002.69,"endTime":1007.1,"body":"for the space of a scene is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1002.69,"endTime":1007.1,"body":"really extraordinary. And the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1007.1,"endTime":1010.28,"body":"extent to which people can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1007.1,"endTime":1010.28,"body":"displace their own ego to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1010.28,"endTime":1013.55,"body":"accommodate someone else's,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1010.28,"endTime":1013.55,"body":"really is a measure of how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.55,"endTime":1018.29,"body":"extraordinarily special This"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.55,"endTime":1018.29,"body":"gift is. It's also worth noting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1018.32,"endTime":1022.1,"body":"that there can at times be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1018.32,"endTime":1022.1,"body":"unhealthy behaviors that get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.1,"endTime":1026.9,"body":"tangled up with a person"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.1,"endTime":1026.9,"body":"submission, depending on their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1026.93,"endTime":1030.08,"body":"history of trauma, particularly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1026.93,"endTime":1030.08,"body":"with a family of origin, but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1030.08,"endTime":1033.92,"body":"perhaps other sorts of trauma,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1030.08,"endTime":1033.92,"body":"they can develop unhealthy,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1033.92,"endTime":1038.12,"body":"submissive, like behavior,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1033.92,"endTime":1038.12,"body":"particularly people pleasing. If"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1038.12,"endTime":1040.67,"body":"you think this is something that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1038.12,"endTime":1040.67,"body":"may describe you, then that is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1040.67,"endTime":1044.12,"body":"something best explored with a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1040.67,"endTime":1044.12,"body":"mental health professional. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1044.12,"endTime":1047.9,"body":"I would encourage you to engage"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1044.12,"endTime":1047.9,"body":"a therapist or counselor to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1047.9,"endTime":1051.05,"body":"explore the boundaries between"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1047.9,"endTime":1051.05,"body":"your people pleasing and your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1051.05,"endTime":1055.7,"body":"submission. In general, though,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1051.05,"endTime":1055.7,"body":"I would say people pleasing is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1055.7,"endTime":1059.27,"body":"about doing for others at the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1055.7,"endTime":1059.27,"body":"expense of your own needs,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.6,"endTime":1063.71,"body":"whereas submission is about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.6,"endTime":1063.71,"body":"doing for others in service of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1063.71,"endTime":1067.37,"body":"your own needs. And you can do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1063.71,"endTime":1067.37,"body":"an inner check to see which is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1067.37,"endTime":1070.31,"body":"which, if you're people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1067.37,"endTime":1070.31,"body":"pleasing, then you're probably"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1070.31,"endTime":1073.58,"body":"saying yes, when you mean no,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1070.31,"endTime":1073.58,"body":"and there will be resentments,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.58,"endTime":1077.09,"body":"there will be resistance, there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.58,"endTime":1077.09,"body":"will be some sort of negative"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1077.09,"endTime":1080.24,"body":"consequence within yourself,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1077.09,"endTime":1080.24,"body":"that you're going to have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1080.24,"endTime":1084.2,"body":"manage or not, but you will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1080.24,"endTime":1084.2,"body":"definitely feel. Whereas with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1084.2,"endTime":1088.64,"body":"submission, because the behavior"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1084.2,"endTime":1088.64,"body":"is in line with your own needs."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1088.88,"endTime":1092.09,"body":"There is joy, there is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1088.88,"endTime":1092.09,"body":"fulfillment, there's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1092.09,"endTime":1096.53,"body":"sacredness of the soul. That's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1092.09,"endTime":1096.53,"body":"perhaps one quick way to check"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1096.53,"endTime":1099.95,"body":"and see whether or not your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1096.53,"endTime":1099.95,"body":"submission may be entangled with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1099.95,"endTime":1104.36,"body":"unhealthy behaviors. And note,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1099.95,"endTime":1104.36,"body":"it's not just people pleasing. A"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1104.36,"endTime":1107.24,"body":"lot of people with histories of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1104.36,"endTime":1107.24,"body":"trauma will also develop very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1107.24,"endTime":1110.9,"body":"controlling behaviors as well,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1107.24,"endTime":1110.9,"body":"which are mechanisms of self"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1110.9,"endTime":1114.71,"body":"defense and protection. Those"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1110.9,"endTime":1114.71,"body":"can also get entangled up with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1114.71,"endTime":1117.83,"body":"your submission. And you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1114.71,"endTime":1117.83,"body":"become a very controlling"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1117.83,"endTime":1121.85,"body":"submissive in ways that are not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1117.83,"endTime":1121.85,"body":"really consistent with the truth"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1121.85,"endTime":1125.3,"body":"of who you are, or the truth of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1121.85,"endTime":1125.3,"body":"who you want to be in relation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1125.3,"endTime":1128.42,"body":"to another person. Once again,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1125.3,"endTime":1128.42,"body":"you can just look at the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.42,"endTime":1131.99,"body":"consequences of your actions and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.42,"endTime":1131.99,"body":"do an inner gut check to see"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1131.99,"endTime":1135.74,"body":"whether or not they are driven"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1131.99,"endTime":1135.74,"body":"by fear whether or not you feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1135.74,"endTime":1139.07,"body":"safe, whether or not they are in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1135.74,"endTime":1139.07,"body":"alignment in a way that brings"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1139.07,"endTime":1142.67,"body":"you joy. If they are bringing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1139.07,"endTime":1142.67,"body":"you joy, chances are they are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1142.67,"endTime":1146.6,"body":"healthy behaviors. And it never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1142.67,"endTime":1146.6,"body":"hurts to go ahead and check with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1146.6,"endTime":1149.81,"body":"a mental health professional to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1146.6,"endTime":1149.81,"body":"do a kind of submission check."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1150.32,"endTime":1154.07,"body":"But the big lesson, I think, is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1150.32,"endTime":1154.07,"body":"that submission in and of itself"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1154.1,"endTime":1158.69,"body":"is never a mental health issue."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1154.1,"endTime":1158.69,"body":"You can be extraordinarily sane,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1159.17,"endTime":1162.56,"body":"and in fact, extraordinarily"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1159.17,"endTime":1162.56,"body":"fulfilled and be a submissive"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1162.56,"endTime":1166.19,"body":"person. And the truth is that if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1162.56,"endTime":1166.19,"body":"you do have some unhealthy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1166.19,"endTime":1170.12,"body":"behaviors all tangled up with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1166.19,"endTime":1170.12,"body":"your submission, those traumas"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1170.12,"endTime":1174.98,"body":"that your experience did not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1170.12,"endTime":1174.98,"body":"cause your submission, you would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1174.98,"endTime":1177.98,"body":"probably had been submissive,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1174.98,"endTime":1177.98,"body":"whether you had experienced"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1178.01,"endTime":1183.02,"body":"trauma or not. All the trauma"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1178.01,"endTime":1183.02,"body":"did was make it more complicated"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1183.29,"endTime":1187.79,"body":"for you to live and fulfill that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1183.29,"endTime":1187.79,"body":"part of your truth. I hope you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1187.79,"endTime":1191.21,"body":"found this information useful. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1187.79,"endTime":1191.21,"body":"would invite you again to think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1191.21,"endTime":1195.83,"body":"about submission as a psycho"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1191.21,"endTime":1195.83,"body":"spatial quality. That is about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1195.89,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"orienting towards the dominant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1195.89,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"person that has a BA"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1204.71,"body":"Rap, and a depth that can be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1204.71,"body":"explored in the context of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1204.71,"endTime":1209.15,"body":"loving supportive power exchange"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1204.71,"endTime":1209.15,"body":"relationships. I would also"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1209.15,"endTime":1212.27,"body":"invite you to think about your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1209.15,"endTime":1212.27,"body":"submission as a special talent,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1212.51,"endTime":1216.41,"body":"a gift you were born with, that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1212.51,"endTime":1216.41,"body":"you're able to develop, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1216.41,"endTime":1220.01,"body":"nurture and share with the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1216.41,"endTime":1220.01,"body":"world. And along the way, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1220.01,"endTime":1223.97,"body":"invite you as well, to make sure"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1220.01,"endTime":1223.97,"body":"that your submission is clean."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1224.42,"endTime":1228.32,"body":"And it is not wrapped up with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1224.42,"endTime":1228.32,"body":"any traumas of your past, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1228.32,"endTime":1231.29,"body":"does not fold in any unhealthy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1228.32,"endTime":1231.29,"body":"behaviors."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1232.55,"endTime":1235.55,"body":"And if you would like some more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1232.55,"endTime":1235.55,"body":"resources to help you explore"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1235.55,"endTime":1238.97,"body":"your submission, the book I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1235.55,"endTime":1238.97,"body":"would recommend is slave craft"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.97,"endTime":1242.96,"body":"by Guy Baldwin. I think he does"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.97,"endTime":1242.96,"body":"a really extraordinary job at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1242.96,"endTime":1246.35,"body":"exploring submission here in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1242.96,"endTime":1246.35,"body":"context of slavery, but in ways"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1246.35,"endTime":1250.04,"body":"that I think have lessons for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1246.35,"endTime":1250.04,"body":"anyone who has some submissive"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1250.04,"endTime":1253.88,"body":"inclinations. And whatever your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1250.04,"endTime":1253.88,"body":"journey entails in relation to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1253.88,"endTime":1257.0,"body":"submission, whether that means"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1253.88,"endTime":1257.0,"body":"exploring its breadth and depth"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1257.0,"endTime":1260.84,"body":"for yourself, or as a dominant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1257.0,"endTime":1260.84,"body":"person helping someone else to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1260.84,"endTime":1265.49,"body":"explore it. I hope that it is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1260.84,"endTime":1265.49,"body":"extraordinary and fulfilling,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1265.67,"endTime":1267.2,"body":"and brings you great joy."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1271.31,"endTime":1274.43,"body":"And I am here with slave Phil"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1271.31,"endTime":1274.43,"body":"slave, Phil, welcome to full"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1274.43,"endTime":1279.11,"body":"cow. Thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1274.43,"endTime":1279.11,"body":"having me. Absolutely. For"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1279.11,"endTime":1282.41,"body":"starters, can you tell us your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1279.11,"endTime":1282.41,"body":"pronouns and how you identify in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1282.41,"endTime":1287.15,"body":"the community. So my pronouns I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1282.41,"endTime":1287.15,"body":"hate, or if there's a master"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1287.15,"endTime":1291.2,"body":"that I really respect it, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1287.15,"endTime":1291.2,"body":"I'm known as slave fill in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1291.2,"endTime":1296.06,"body":"community. Wonderful. So this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1291.2,"endTime":1296.06,"body":"an episode about submission and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1296.06,"endTime":1299.39,"body":"you identify as a slave, can you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1296.06,"endTime":1299.39,"body":"tell us a little bit about how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1299.39,"endTime":1303.23,"body":"you discovered your submission,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1299.39,"endTime":1303.23,"body":"and maybe more importantly, how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1303.23,"endTime":1304.94,"body":"you discovered you're a slave."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1305.96,"endTime":1309.92,"body":"So I think it's something I've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1305.96,"endTime":1309.92,"body":"always had, I can remember from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1309.92,"endTime":1314.72,"body":"when I was four years old,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1309.92,"endTime":1314.72,"body":"having kind of experiences and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1314.72,"endTime":1318.83,"body":"feelings of domination and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1314.72,"endTime":1318.83,"body":"submission. So kind of playing a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1318.83,"endTime":1322.1,"body":"certain game with friends where,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1318.83,"endTime":1322.1,"body":"you know, I would be in prison"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1322.1,"endTime":1326.33,"body":"somewhere, you know, so I always"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1322.1,"endTime":1326.33,"body":"had these sorts of kinds of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1326.33,"endTime":1329.78,"body":"feelings. And I used to have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1326.33,"endTime":1329.78,"body":"lots of fantasies about being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1329.78,"endTime":1332.93,"body":"submissive or in bondage. Or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1329.78,"endTime":1332.93,"body":"when I was very young, you could"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1332.93,"endTime":1335.57,"body":"call them Gunj fantasies,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1332.93,"endTime":1335.57,"body":"though, I didn't realize there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1335.57,"endTime":1338.99,"body":"was a name for it until much"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1335.57,"endTime":1338.99,"body":"later. Strangely enough, that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1338.99,"endTime":1340.55,"body":"not a fetish I really indulgent"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1341.84,"endTime":1345.47,"body":"but that was, that was how it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1341.84,"endTime":1345.47,"body":"all started. And then I think,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1345.5,"endTime":1349.01,"body":"when I was about 18, on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1345.5,"endTime":1349.01,"body":"second day, I had the internet,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1349.31,"endTime":1353.0,"body":"I was doing some searching on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1349.31,"endTime":1353.0,"body":"Yahoo. And that probably shows"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1353.0,"endTime":1354.56,"body":"my age. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1355.73,"endTime":1358.91,"body":"I found a website called the dog"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1355.73,"endTime":1358.91,"body":"house.org. And this really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1358.91,"endTime":1363.23,"body":"opened my eyes to the fact that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1358.91,"endTime":1363.23,"body":"there was a lifestyle that there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1363.23,"endTime":1366.47,"body":"was other people that did this,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1363.23,"endTime":1366.47,"body":"that I wasn't just this mad"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1366.47,"endTime":1367.07,"body":"person."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1368.21,"endTime":1371.54,"body":"And then I kind of had a few"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1368.21,"endTime":1371.54,"body":"years where I kind of, I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1371.57,"endTime":1374.12,"body":"most of us have this like a bit"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1371.57,"endTime":1374.12,"body":"of shame, I shouldn't be having"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1374.12,"endTime":1377.33,"body":"these sorts of thoughts. Try not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1374.12,"endTime":1377.33,"body":"to have them, and then they'd go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1377.33,"endTime":1381.32,"body":"too much, and that kind of ping"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1377.33,"endTime":1381.32,"body":"pong. But by the time I was, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1381.32,"endTime":1385.28,"body":"think 20, I was suddenly like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1381.32,"endTime":1385.28,"body":"must start exploring this. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1385.31,"endTime":1389.99,"body":"it's part of me. And that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1385.31,"endTime":1389.99,"body":"started a journey that I never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1389.99,"endTime":1394.91,"body":"thought I would end up where I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1389.99,"endTime":1394.91,"body":"am now and the person that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1394.91,"endTime":1398.63,"body":"have become because of it. Wow,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1394.91,"endTime":1398.63,"body":"that's fantastic. And I love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1398.96,"endTime":1401.66,"body":"first of all, that you really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1398.96,"endTime":1401.66,"body":"talked about this is goes back"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1401.66,"endTime":1403.97,"body":"as far as you can remember,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1401.66,"endTime":1403.97,"body":"because I do also believe were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1403.97,"endTime":1407.45,"body":"born kinky. And I love that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1403.97,"endTime":1407.45,"body":"entry point of the internet,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1407.45,"endTime":1410.9,"body":"because I think that's where"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1407.45,"endTime":1410.9,"body":"people are finding themselves"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1410.9,"endTime":1413.81,"body":"this day today. And that's part"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1410.9,"endTime":1413.81,"body":"of what this podcast is about,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1413.81,"endTime":1416.42,"body":"right? Like giving people entry"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1413.81,"endTime":1416.42,"body":"points. So I love that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1416.42,"endTime":1420.62,"body":"stress those two things in your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1416.42,"endTime":1420.62,"body":"story. How would you talk about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1420.65,"endTime":1424.76,"body":"submission? Like, what does it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1420.65,"endTime":1424.76,"body":"mean to you? Or how does it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1424.76,"endTime":1428.39,"body":"operate give us some sense of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1424.76,"endTime":1428.39,"body":"your philosophy of submission."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1428.78,"endTime":1432.26,"body":"So I think in terms of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1428.78,"endTime":1432.26,"body":"submission, there's a number of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1432.26,"endTime":1436.28,"body":"different things you can kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1432.26,"endTime":1436.28,"body":"talk about here. So there's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1436.31,"endTime":1438.83,"body":"power, giving up power,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1440.24,"endTime":1444.53,"body":"someone taking power, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1440.24,"endTime":1444.53,"body":"gifting power. But I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1444.53,"endTime":1448.37,"body":"there's also a very kind of this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1444.53,"endTime":1448.37,"body":"call it something from the slave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1448.37,"endTime":1452.96,"body":"Heart, you know, or master heart"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1448.37,"endTime":1452.96,"body":"that for kind of like lots of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1452.96,"endTime":1455.36,"body":"people that are really intense"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1452.96,"endTime":1455.36,"body":"in in the lifestyle such as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1455.36,"endTime":1459.08,"body":"myself, it's such an innate part"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1455.36,"endTime":1459.08,"body":"of ourselves, you can also it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1459.08,"endTime":1463.82,"body":"part of our soul. And as you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1459.08,"endTime":1463.82,"body":"kind of see these people around"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1463.82,"endTime":1466.88,"body":"the scene and stuff you start to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1463.82,"endTime":1466.88,"body":"notice there's a certain quality"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1467.3,"endTime":1469.7,"body":"that certain people have I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1467.3,"endTime":1469.7,"body":"really noticed it, for instance,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1469.7,"endTime":1474.77,"body":"in slaves, the sort of innocence"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1469.7,"endTime":1474.77,"body":"a sort of, there's a source of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1474.8,"endTime":1478.46,"body":"energy they kind of give out,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1474.8,"endTime":1478.46,"body":"then I think there's something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1478.46,"endTime":1483.02,"body":"about connection and how we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1478.46,"endTime":1483.02,"body":"connect to each other. There's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1483.05,"endTime":1486.65,"body":"the convenience, very visceral"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1483.05,"endTime":1486.65,"body":"energy between master and slave."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1486.95,"endTime":1490.19,"body":"When you're in positions of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1486.95,"endTime":1490.19,"body":"power, you know, and especially"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1490.19,"endTime":1493.37,"body":"when you're having an intense"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1490.19,"endTime":1493.37,"body":"scene or intense moment when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1493.37,"endTime":1496.07,"body":"that powers really displaying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1493.37,"endTime":1496.07,"body":"it's like there's this energy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1496.07,"endTime":1499.7,"body":"between you something greater"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1496.07,"endTime":1499.7,"body":"than what each of the individual"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1499.7,"endTime":1499.97,"body":"P"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1500.0,"endTime":1502.07,"body":"Call is kind of bringing in into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1500.0,"endTime":1502.07,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1503.179,"endTime":1507.169,"body":"And then they're sort of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1503.179,"endTime":1507.169,"body":"service. So how do you help"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1507.169,"endTime":1510.859,"body":"someone? How do you predict and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1507.169,"endTime":1510.859,"body":"make their lives better. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1510.859,"endTime":1513.259,"body":"that tends to be a very big"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1510.859,"endTime":1513.259,"body":"thing for slaves that want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1513.259,"endTime":1516.799,"body":"live this as a lifestyle. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1513.259,"endTime":1516.799,"body":"then of course, there is the sex"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1516.829,"endTime":1521.179,"body":"of all of the different fetishes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1516.829,"endTime":1521.179,"body":"that you can imagine. And for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1521.179,"endTime":1525.619,"body":"me, I need a bit of both. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1521.179,"endTime":1525.619,"body":"because this is a lifestyle, of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1525.619,"endTime":1527.389,"body":"course, the service, this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1525.619,"endTime":1527.389,"body":"very important, because you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1527.389,"endTime":1530.719,"body":"can't have sex all the time. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1527.389,"endTime":1530.719,"body":"have tried this, you can't."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1531.86,"endTime":1537.65,"body":"But then you've got the the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1531.86,"endTime":1537.65,"body":"service spirit, which is which"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1537.65,"endTime":1539.27,"body":"is really important as well."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1540.32,"endTime":1544.37,"body":"And I think a final thing is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1540.32,"endTime":1544.37,"body":"that a lot of this bit master or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1544.37,"endTime":1548.54,"body":"slave is around transformation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1544.37,"endTime":1548.54,"body":"and growth. You can't do this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1548.54,"endTime":1551.81,"body":"journey without changing and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1548.54,"endTime":1551.81,"body":"this journey changing you. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1551.81,"endTime":1555.68,"body":"if you're trying to do this to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1551.81,"endTime":1555.68,"body":"escape, or to not change, you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1555.68,"endTime":1559.1,"body":"going to get into trouble. That"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1555.68,"endTime":1559.1,"body":"this is all about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1559.58,"endTime":1564.05,"body":"transformation, growth, and a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1559.58,"endTime":1564.05,"body":"journey of discovery. Basically,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1564.29,"endTime":1566.96,"body":"I want to dig at some of that,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1564.29,"endTime":1566.96,"body":"because it was really wonderful."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1566.96,"endTime":1570.11,"body":"And you talked a lot about kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1566.96,"endTime":1570.11,"body":"of energy, whether it's the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1570.11,"endTime":1573.83,"body":"master heart, the slave Heart,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1570.11,"endTime":1573.83,"body":"the power exchange, the sense of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1573.83,"endTime":1578.96,"body":"connection. Do you feel like as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1573.83,"endTime":1578.96,"body":"a slave, do you know, when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1578.96,"endTime":1581.9,"body":"people are masters before they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1578.96,"endTime":1581.9,"body":"know like, can you look at a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1581.9,"endTime":1585.5,"body":"person and just sort of feel an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1581.9,"endTime":1585.5,"body":"energy coming off of them that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1585.5,"endTime":1588.74,"body":"they may not even realize yet? I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1585.5,"endTime":1588.74,"body":"don't think I've had that. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1588.74,"endTime":1591.41,"body":"I've definitely met a few people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1588.74,"endTime":1591.41,"body":"and gone Yes, you are a dominant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1591.41,"endTime":1595.43,"body":"or you are master, you know. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1591.41,"endTime":1595.43,"body":"I remember once having dinner"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1595.43,"endTime":1597.74,"body":"with someone, and it was the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1595.43,"endTime":1597.74,"body":"first time I'd ever met, and it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1597.74,"endTime":1600.98,"body":"was more sort of a business"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1597.74,"endTime":1600.98,"body":"meeting. But I suddenly ended I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1600.98,"endTime":1604.16,"body":"just was like, well, it's clear"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1600.98,"endTime":1604.16,"body":"that you're the dominant, who"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1604.16,"endTime":1607.31,"body":"was why it was like what he kept"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1604.16,"endTime":1607.31,"body":"on telling me to eat my dinner."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1607.91,"endTime":1609.47,"body":"Is that I was like, yes."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1611.06,"endTime":1614.93,"body":"It's pretty obvious that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1611.06,"endTime":1614.93,"body":"like being in charge. I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1614.93,"endTime":1616.7,"body":"like, and what's interesting is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1614.93,"endTime":1616.7,"body":"they let you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1618.68,"endTime":1623.48,"body":"so you can can very often kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1618.68,"endTime":1623.48,"body":"of see this in in kind of people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1623.48,"endTime":1628.01,"body":"as well. I think I think the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1623.48,"endTime":1628.01,"body":"thing to bear in mind is whether"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1628.01,"endTime":1631.55,"body":"someone that has that dominant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1628.01,"endTime":1631.55,"body":"kind of side, or that dominant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1631.94,"endTime":1636.59,"body":"energy, is this coming from the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1631.94,"endTime":1636.59,"body":"ego, or a deeper sense of self"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1636.59,"endTime":1639.86,"body":"worth, and that can be very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1636.59,"endTime":1639.86,"body":"different personalities that can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1639.86,"endTime":1643.43,"body":"between these two different"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1639.86,"endTime":1643.43,"body":"types of masters. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1643.43,"endTime":1646.61,"body":"fantastic. I talked about that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1643.43,"endTime":1646.61,"body":"in the next episode, people, so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1646.61,"endTime":1650.51,"body":"please keep listening. You also"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1646.61,"endTime":1650.51,"body":"sort of talked about seeing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1650.51,"endTime":1653.84,"body":"slaves and kind of really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1650.51,"endTime":1653.84,"body":"connecting with them in a way,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1653.87,"endTime":1657.38,"body":"can you talk a little bit about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1653.87,"endTime":1657.38,"body":"your sense of a brotherhood of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1657.38,"endTime":1661.04,"body":"slaves or a fellowship of slaves"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1657.38,"endTime":1661.04,"body":"if I was to be unrendered. About"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1661.04,"endTime":1668.72,"body":"that. So I think that, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1661.04,"endTime":1668.72,"body":"there's a lot of people that can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1668.72,"endTime":1672.35,"body":"play on the scene and like, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1668.72,"endTime":1672.35,"body":"to submit for a small amount of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1672.35,"endTime":1676.04,"body":"time. And that's perfectly fine."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1672.35,"endTime":1676.04,"body":"You know, if that is your kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1676.04,"endTime":1678.47,"body":"of gig, if that's how you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1676.04,"endTime":1678.47,"body":"fulfill your needs, that's good."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1678.8,"endTime":1682.4,"body":"There's also some of us that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1678.8,"endTime":1682.4,"body":"want this to be something a bit"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1682.4,"endTime":1687.53,"body":"more long term. And often, this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1682.4,"endTime":1687.53,"body":"has a service better. And it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1687.53,"endTime":1689.66,"body":"really interesting, when you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1687.53,"endTime":1689.66,"body":"meet up with someone, and you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1689.66,"endTime":1692.33,"body":"start talking about it, and they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1689.66,"endTime":1692.33,"body":"go, Oh, my God, I thought I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1692.33,"endTime":1696.92,"body":"the only one. Because it's can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1692.33,"endTime":1696.92,"body":"be very hard to find. And then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1696.92,"endTime":1700.55,"body":"when you do find that other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1696.92,"endTime":1700.55,"body":"person or find other people, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1700.55,"endTime":1705.05,"body":"often do want to stay in touch"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1700.55,"endTime":1705.05,"body":"in some way. Because the sort of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1705.08,"endTime":1706.1,"body":"quality"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1707.6,"endTime":1711.08,"body":"of energy, but also the sorts of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1707.6,"endTime":1711.08,"body":"things we want to talk about and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1711.08,"endTime":1713.9,"body":"the issues we have, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1711.08,"endTime":1713.9,"body":"it's like you've suddenly found"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1713.9,"endTime":1717.95,"body":"a brother that can help you with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1713.9,"endTime":1717.95,"body":"it, you know, so slowly, over"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1717.95,"endTime":1722.66,"body":"the years, I've kind of built up"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1717.95,"endTime":1722.66,"body":"a small network of people, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1722.66,"endTime":1725.63,"body":"then we can help each other out."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1722.66,"endTime":1725.63,"body":"You know, for instance,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1725.63,"endTime":1728.72,"body":"someone's got in touch with a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1725.63,"endTime":1728.72,"body":"new master, and you can kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1728.72,"endTime":1732.68,"body":"check along the network. Is this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1728.72,"endTime":1732.68,"body":"a good person or not? I love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1732.68,"endTime":1734.84,"body":"that you talked about those peer"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1732.68,"endTime":1734.84,"body":"networks, because they are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1734.84,"endTime":1738.62,"body":"critical, not just for the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1734.84,"endTime":1738.62,"body":"support, but I love that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1738.62,"endTime":1743.75,"body":"also mentioned finding people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1738.62,"endTime":1743.75,"body":"because everyone I know, their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1743.75,"endTime":1747.86,"body":"biggest problem is finding that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1743.75,"endTime":1747.86,"body":"master or finding that slave,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1747.86,"endTime":1750.68,"body":"but that's a project you started"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1747.86,"endTime":1750.68,"body":"working on. Right? Can you tell"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1750.68,"endTime":1755.84,"body":"us about that? So I have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1750.68,"endTime":1755.84,"body":"website and podcast called"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1755.87,"endTime":1760.37,"body":"master slave lifestyle.com. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1755.87,"endTime":1760.37,"body":"the entire idea of this is to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1760.37,"endTime":1763.43,"body":"educate more about the master"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1760.37,"endTime":1763.43,"body":"slave lifestyle and to help"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1763.43,"endTime":1766.91,"body":"people you know, I've had a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1763.43,"endTime":1766.91,"body":"number of challenges on my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1766.91,"endTime":1771.56,"body":"journey. And what I've wanted to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1766.91,"endTime":1771.56,"body":"do is to kind of really show"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1771.56,"endTime":1773.63,"body":"what is the reality of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1771.56,"endTime":1773.63,"body":"lifestyle? And what are the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1773.63,"endTime":1778.13,"body":"concepts and things you need to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1773.63,"endTime":1778.13,"body":"know. You know, and this is one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1778.13,"endTime":1780.92,"body":"of the ways of trying to create"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1778.13,"endTime":1780.92,"body":"a community around the master"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1780.92,"endTime":1784.97,"body":"slave like lifestyle. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1780.92,"endTime":1784.97,"body":"currently at the moment, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1784.97,"endTime":1788.27,"body":"actually working on a product"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1784.97,"endTime":1788.27,"body":"which is how can you find a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1788.27,"endTime":1791.81,"body":"master slave? So if anyone's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1788.27,"endTime":1791.81,"body":"interested for that, you can go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1791.81,"endTime":1795.26,"body":"to master slave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1791.81,"endTime":1795.26,"body":"lifestyle.com/find And you'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1795.26,"endTime":1798.65,"body":"find more information on that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1795.26,"endTime":1798.65,"body":"Yeah, and we're recording this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1798.65,"endTime":1799.97,"body":"in May but it's this epic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1800.0,"endTime":1802.64,"body":"was probably not coming out for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1800.0,"endTime":1802.64,"body":"a few months, your product may"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1802.64,"endTime":1807.14,"body":"even be even more active by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1802.64,"endTime":1807.14,"body":"then. I hope so. We hope so."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1807.92,"endTime":1811.91,"body":"Now, in addition to that you do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1807.92,"endTime":1811.91,"body":"life coaching, and particularly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1811.94,"endTime":1816.2,"body":"kinky life coaching, how did you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1811.94,"endTime":1816.2,"body":"get into that? And how does that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1816.2,"endTime":1822.38,"body":"work? And why would people want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1816.2,"endTime":1822.38,"body":"it? So, for me, I've always been"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1822.38,"endTime":1825.35,"body":"a leader at work. And at a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1822.38,"endTime":1825.35,"body":"certain point, I noticed that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1825.35,"endTime":1829.49,"body":"what I was enjoying the most was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1825.35,"endTime":1829.49,"body":"actually my one on one meetings"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1829.49,"endTime":1833.27,"body":"with people. So and it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1829.49,"endTime":1833.27,"body":"because I was helping them grow,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1833.27,"endTime":1837.23,"body":"helping their personality,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1833.27,"endTime":1837.23,"body":"development, and was actually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1837.23,"endTime":1841.28,"body":"the most joyful part of the day."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1837.23,"endTime":1841.28,"body":"And what makes it even more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1841.28,"endTime":1844.49,"body":"interesting is that at that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1841.28,"endTime":1844.49,"body":"time, I was probably working and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1844.49,"endTime":1848.45,"body":"leading the biggest project I'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1844.49,"endTime":1848.45,"body":"ever do in my career. And it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1848.45,"endTime":1851.54,"body":"really strange, I wasn't getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1848.45,"endTime":1851.54,"body":"my joy in that. So I started to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1851.54,"endTime":1856.7,"body":"focus more on personal coaching."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1851.54,"endTime":1856.7,"body":"And then, shortly after I moved"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1856.7,"endTime":1861.2,"body":"to Berlin, and broke up with my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1856.7,"endTime":1861.2,"body":"master there, I went on a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1861.2,"endTime":1865.79,"body":"workshop. And in this workshop,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1861.2,"endTime":1865.79,"body":"the idea was kind of seeded in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1865.79,"endTime":1870.29,"body":"me about why don't you merge"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1865.79,"endTime":1870.29,"body":"your coaching, and your BDSM"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1870.29,"endTime":1873.2,"body":"skills together, who seemed to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1870.29,"endTime":1873.2,"body":"have the knowledge to do both."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1873.56,"endTime":1877.91,"body":"And that is how I started to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1873.56,"endTime":1877.91,"body":"kind of go into Well, I think I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1877.91,"endTime":1880.76,"body":"should do something more here."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1877.91,"endTime":1880.76,"body":"That's also how master slave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1880.76,"endTime":1884.9,"body":"lifestyle, got him created as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1880.76,"endTime":1884.9,"body":"well. I think I did spend about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1885.29,"endTime":1888.23,"body":"probably six months fighting the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1885.29,"endTime":1888.23,"body":"idea before I kind of fully"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1888.23,"endTime":1892.7,"body":"embraced it. And sort of what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1888.23,"endTime":1892.7,"body":"what I do now is part of it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1892.7,"endTime":1895.7,"body":"helping people to find"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1892.7,"endTime":1895.7,"body":"themselves, what is their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1895.7,"endTime":1897.92,"body":"authentic selves, and what is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1895.7,"endTime":1897.92,"body":"the life that's really going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1897.92,"endTime":1901.55,"body":"give them joy, because we can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1897.92,"endTime":1901.55,"body":"have this huge pressure from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1901.55,"endTime":1906.14,"body":"mainstream society to conform."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1901.55,"endTime":1906.14,"body":"And even as gay men, and we've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1906.14,"endTime":1908.87,"body":"often had to break out of that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1906.14,"endTime":1908.87,"body":"we still fill up a lot of that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1908.87,"endTime":1911.75,"body":"pressure, we must have a certain"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1908.87,"endTime":1911.75,"body":"source of career, we must have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1911.75,"endTime":1915.86,"body":"certain source of lifestyle. For"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1911.75,"endTime":1915.86,"body":"instance, a lot of people that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1915.86,"endTime":1918.29,"body":"speak to it's like, Well, I'm a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1915.86,"endTime":1918.29,"body":"leader at work, but I also want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1918.29,"endTime":1921.59,"body":"to be a slave, how can I be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1918.29,"endTime":1921.59,"body":"both. And that's because of some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1921.59,"endTime":1923.93,"body":"of the messages we get from our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1921.59,"endTime":1923.93,"body":"culture or society tanning"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1923.93,"endTime":1928.1,"body":"because she can't be rare as you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1923.93,"endTime":1928.1,"body":"can, you can do both, I have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1928.1,"endTime":1932.42,"body":"done both. So a lot of this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1928.1,"endTime":1932.42,"body":"about building up your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1932.42,"endTime":1936.05,"body":"confidence to really understand"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1932.42,"endTime":1936.05,"body":"yourself, to understand your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1936.05,"endTime":1939.14,"body":"needs, and then to start"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1936.05,"endTime":1939.14,"body":"aligning yourself to the life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1939.14,"endTime":1943.01,"body":"you really want. And then if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1939.14,"endTime":1943.01,"body":"you're already in the BDSM"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1943.01,"endTime":1946.7,"body":"lifestyle, if your audio and the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1943.01,"endTime":1946.7,"body":"master slave, then I can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1946.7,"endTime":1949.97,"body":"actually provide coaching and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1946.7,"endTime":1949.97,"body":"help about issues that can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1949.97,"endTime":1953.3,"body":"happen inside a relationship as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1949.97,"endTime":1953.3,"body":"well. I think that's fantastic,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1953.3,"endTime":1958.97,"body":"because I see so much hunger for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1953.3,"endTime":1958.97,"body":"clarity and direction in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1958.97,"endTime":1962.09,"body":"people I encounter online. So to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1958.97,"endTime":1962.09,"body":"have someone who can work with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1962.09,"endTime":1965.27,"body":"them one on one, and really help"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1962.09,"endTime":1965.27,"body":"them figure themselves out. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1965.27,"endTime":1967.4,"body":"think that's a great service."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1965.27,"endTime":1967.4,"body":"And I'm glad you're doing it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1967.88,"endTime":1973.07,"body":"Thank you so much. So what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1967.88,"endTime":1973.07,"body":"advice would you have for anyone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1973.1,"endTime":1977.33,"body":"starting a journey into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1973.1,"endTime":1977.33,"body":"submission? So I'd say there's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1977.33,"endTime":1982.04,"body":"probably two main things. One is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1977.33,"endTime":1982.04,"body":"educate yourself. So you can do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1982.04,"endTime":1984.77,"body":"that through master slave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1982.04,"endTime":1984.77,"body":"lifestyle. But also, there's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1984.77,"endTime":1988.1,"body":"number of books out there."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1984.77,"endTime":1988.1,"body":"There's other blogs and stuff"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1988.1,"endTime":1992.0,"body":"that talk about the authentic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1988.1,"endTime":1992.0,"body":"lifestyle. But the second thing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1992.0,"endTime":1995.39,"body":"is you need to start having the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1992.0,"endTime":1995.39,"body":"experiences, it doesn't matter"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1995.39,"endTime":1999.05,"body":"how much you read, it's not the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1995.39,"endTime":1999.05,"body":"same as going through the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1999.05,"endTime":2003.37,"body":"experience yourself. So I'm not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1999.05,"endTime":2003.37,"body":"saying that you need to find a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2003.37,"endTime":2007.21,"body":"full 24/7 Master. And that is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2003.37,"endTime":2007.21,"body":"relationship but have a play"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2007.21,"endTime":2012.88,"body":"session, start off step by step."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2007.21,"endTime":2012.88,"body":"But after each experience, sit"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2012.88,"endTime":2015.91,"body":"down and take a moment to really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2012.88,"endTime":2015.91,"body":"reflect what have you learned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2015.91,"endTime":2018.46,"body":"from this? What did you like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2015.91,"endTime":2018.46,"body":"what did you not like? What is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2018.46,"endTime":2022.63,"body":"it you want to experiment next?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2018.46,"endTime":2022.63,"body":"I think there's sort of a third"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2022.63,"endTime":2026.77,"body":"negative, which is that what you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2022.63,"endTime":2026.77,"body":"might see in porn or on Twitter"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2027.01,"endTime":2031.06,"body":"is not the actual reality. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2027.01,"endTime":2031.06,"body":"you also need to have some of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2031.06,"endTime":2034.42,"body":"these experiences, to really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2031.06,"endTime":2034.42,"body":"start to understand the reality"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2034.45,"endTime":2037.57,"body":"compared to what you might have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2034.45,"endTime":2037.57,"body":"been fantasizing or seeing from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2037.6,"endTime":2041.38,"body":"from some somewhat some of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2037.6,"endTime":2041.38,"body":"content you've seen. If you are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2041.38,"endTime":2044.53,"body":"new, I would also suggest going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2041.38,"endTime":2044.53,"body":"after masters that actually like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2044.53,"endTime":2048.37,"body":"taking in new people and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2044.53,"endTime":2048.37,"body":"teaching them and helping them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2048.37,"endTime":2051.04,"body":"you'll find some people that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2048.37,"endTime":2051.04,"body":"just want to do very serious"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2051.04,"endTime":2053.71,"body":"play. And that's probably not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2051.04,"endTime":2053.71,"body":"the people for you right now."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2054.22,"endTime":2057.46,"body":"They will be eventually but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2054.22,"endTime":2057.46,"body":"start with with people that do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2057.46,"endTime":2060.97,"body":"want to kind of handhold and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2057.46,"endTime":2060.97,"body":"help people through their, let's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2060.97,"endTime":2065.05,"body":"say initial steps into slavery"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2060.97,"endTime":2065.05,"body":"or mastery or into BDSM. In"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2065.05,"endTime":2068.98,"body":"general. What a fantastic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2065.05,"endTime":2068.98,"body":"answer. And, you know, I love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2068.98,"endTime":2071.29,"body":"that you talked about that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2068.98,"endTime":2071.29,"body":"moment of reflection after"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2071.29,"endTime":2074.86,"body":"seeing because the truth is,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2071.29,"endTime":2074.86,"body":"even bad scenes can be good"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2074.86,"endTime":2077.86,"body":"because they help you figure out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2074.86,"endTime":2077.86,"body":"what you don't want or the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2077.86,"endTime":2080.35,"body":"fetishes you don't like or the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2077.86,"endTime":2080.35,"body":"people you don't want to play"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2080.35,"endTime":2083.56,"body":"with. So every experience"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2080.35,"endTime":2083.56,"body":"becomes education on helps you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2083.56,"endTime":2086.56,"body":"on that journey, even if it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2083.56,"endTime":2086.56,"body":"wasn't the best experience."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2086.77,"endTime":2090.76,"body":"Exactly. As I said at the start"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2086.77,"endTime":2090.76,"body":"this journey of let's say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2090.76,"endTime":2094.39,"body":"personal growth or change. Part"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2090.76,"endTime":2094.39,"body":"of this is by having the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2094.39,"endTime":2098.29,"body":"experiences you figure out what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2094.39,"endTime":2098.29,"body":"you want and don't want, but by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2098.29,"endTime":2099.97,"body":"having that reflecting step in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2100.0,"endTime":2103.87,"body":"And then you can be much more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2100.0,"endTime":2103.87,"body":"mindful and purposeful about it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2104.2,"endTime":2107.89,"body":"You know, in my initial, let's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2104.2,"endTime":2107.89,"body":"say 1015 years, I sort of ping"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2107.89,"endTime":2110.92,"body":"pong without really knowing what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2107.89,"endTime":2110.92,"body":"I was doing. And then I started"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2110.92,"endTime":2113.65,"body":"to get some of the wisdom to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2110.92,"endTime":2113.65,"body":"know, I needed to reflect"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2113.65,"endTime":2116.86,"body":"better. You know, a lot of you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2113.65,"endTime":2116.86,"body":"who might be new to this, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2116.86,"endTime":2119.32,"body":"can leapfrog some of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2116.86,"endTime":2119.32,"body":"mistakes I've made by just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2119.32,"endTime":2122.5,"body":"having that kind of reflection"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2119.32,"endTime":2122.5,"body":"and my mindfulness to begin"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2122.5,"endTime":2125.02,"body":"with, that's really brilliant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2122.5,"endTime":2125.02,"body":"like that, you can stop"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2125.02,"endTime":2127.99,"body":"repeating the bad scenes, if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2125.02,"endTime":2127.99,"body":"figure out what made it bad, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2127.99,"endTime":2131.41,"body":"can actually, I mean, I had, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2127.99,"endTime":2131.41,"body":"had very, I had all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2131.41,"endTime":2134.14,"body":"challenges in my journey, in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2131.41,"endTime":2134.14,"body":"part because I did not have that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2134.14,"endTime":2136.3,"body":"self reflection, I didn't have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2134.14,"endTime":2136.3,"body":"anyone to tell me any better"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2136.3,"endTime":2139.51,"body":"either. So I love that you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2136.3,"endTime":2139.51,"body":"providing people a means to kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2139.51,"endTime":2143.59,"body":"of not go through all the shit,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2139.51,"endTime":2143.59,"body":"I want. Exactly."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2145.48,"endTime":2148.3,"body":"That's fantastic. Anything else"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2145.48,"endTime":2148.3,"body":"you'd like to say to our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2148.3,"endTime":2150.94,"body":"audience or any other projects"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2148.3,"endTime":2150.94,"body":"you're working on that you want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2150.94,"endTime":2153.85,"body":"to share? Probably, there's just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2150.94,"endTime":2153.85,"body":"just one more, which is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2153.85,"endTime":2156.76,"body":"something else I'm working on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2153.85,"endTime":2156.76,"body":"with master slave lifestyle,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2156.76,"endTime":2160.36,"body":"it's actually create a support"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2156.76,"endTime":2160.36,"body":"group. So if you are more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2160.36,"endTime":2165.22,"body":"seriously in a relationship, or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2160.36,"endTime":2165.22,"body":"you're seriously looking, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2165.22,"endTime":2167.89,"body":"know, do have a lookout, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2165.22,"endTime":2167.89,"body":"that's going to be launching"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2167.89,"endTime":2171.28,"body":"very soon. And this is, so that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2167.89,"endTime":2171.28,"body":"was the dog."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2172.78,"endTime":2177.01,"body":"And, and this, this is something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2172.78,"endTime":2177.01,"body":"for people that really are in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2177.01,"endTime":2179.89,"body":"lifestyle, because I do think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2177.01,"endTime":2179.89,"body":"that we can have issues and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2179.89,"endTime":2183.13,"body":"problems which are very hard to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2179.89,"endTime":2183.13,"body":"solve. And you need a group to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2183.13,"endTime":2185.68,"body":"help you with that. And that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2183.13,"endTime":2185.68,"body":"something else that I want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2185.68,"endTime":2189.82,"body":"kind of create. And that should"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2185.68,"endTime":2189.82,"body":"be happening or has launched by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2190.09,"endTime":2193.27,"body":"the time this is a broadcast. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2190.09,"endTime":2193.27,"body":"please, please do have a look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2193.27,"endTime":2196.24,"body":"out for that. That is absolutely"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2193.27,"endTime":2196.24,"body":"brilliant. And I'm glad you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2196.24,"endTime":2198.97,"body":"doing that and creating several"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2196.24,"endTime":2198.97,"body":"points of support for people in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2198.97,"endTime":2203.44,"body":"this journey. I will for the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2198.97,"endTime":2203.44,"body":"listeners include all of slave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2203.44,"endTime":2207.82,"body":"Phil's various links and contact"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2203.44,"endTime":2207.82,"body":"info so that you can make use of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2207.82,"endTime":2211.57,"body":"his many resources and slay"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2207.82,"endTime":2211.57,"body":"Phil, I am really, really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2211.57,"endTime":2214.24,"body":"grateful to have you here today."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2211.57,"endTime":2214.24,"body":"Thank you for joining us on Fool"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2214.24,"endTime":2216.7,"body":"cow. Thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2214.24,"endTime":2216.7,"body":"having me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2220.9,"endTime":2223.93,"body":"Welcome to erotic storytime. You"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2220.9,"endTime":2223.93,"body":"know, in the first segment, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2223.93,"endTime":2227.35,"body":"shared with you my journey into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2223.93,"endTime":2227.35,"body":"submission, or more properly my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2227.35,"endTime":2230.92,"body":"journey into misrecognition. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2227.35,"endTime":2230.92,"body":"so I thought this story would be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2230.92,"endTime":2235.63,"body":"particularly appropriate. The"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2230.92,"endTime":2235.63,"body":"title of the story is you and it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2235.63,"endTime":2238.78,"body":"is the most semi"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2235.63,"endTime":2238.78,"body":"autobiographical thing I've ever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2238.78,"endTime":2243.19,"body":"written. And also, I still"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2238.78,"endTime":2243.19,"body":"believe the most powerful thing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2243.19,"endTime":2246.46,"body":"I've ever written. In fact, I've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2243.19,"endTime":2246.46,"body":"never been able to get through"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2246.46,"endTime":2250.42,"body":"reading it without crying. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2246.46,"endTime":2250.42,"body":"this will be very, very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2250.42,"endTime":2253.9,"body":"interesting recording this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2250.42,"endTime":2253.9,"body":"segment. Hey, I just wanted to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2253.9,"endTime":2257.17,"body":"insert that I am currently"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2253.9,"endTime":2257.17,"body":"editing the audio for this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2257.17,"endTime":2261.25,"body":"segment. And just to give you a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2257.17,"endTime":2261.25,"body":"heads up, yeah, I am absolutely"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2261.25,"endTime":2265.06,"body":"sobbing by the end of this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2261.25,"endTime":2265.06,"body":"story. So you know, be prepared."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2265.63,"endTime":2268.51,"body":"The story describes my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2265.63,"endTime":2268.51,"body":"evolutionary path in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2268.51,"endTime":2272.26,"body":"community, from bottom to top"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2268.51,"endTime":2272.26,"body":"from a position of relative"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2272.26,"endTime":2276.04,"body":"submission into a position of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2272.26,"endTime":2276.04,"body":"dominance. And it's also about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2276.13,"endTime":2280.81,"body":"our search for the Leatherman"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2276.13,"endTime":2280.81,"body":"capital T capital L. The one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2280.81,"endTime":2284.2,"body":"that we're always looking for,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2280.81,"endTime":2284.2,"body":"but who seems to never quite"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2284.2,"endTime":2288.04,"body":"arrive. I think it's a pretty"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2284.2,"endTime":2288.04,"body":"common evolutionary path. I know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2288.04,"endTime":2292.66,"body":"of many others who have followed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2288.04,"endTime":2292.66,"body":"this path. And for anyone who's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2292.66,"endTime":2296.17,"body":"had this transformation, this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2292.66,"endTime":2296.17,"body":"story may strike very, very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2296.17,"endTime":2300.64,"body":"close to home. For the rest of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2296.17,"endTime":2300.64,"body":"you. I hope you simply enjoy the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2300.64,"endTime":2302.32,"body":"story. Here we go."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2303.61,"endTime":2309.04,"body":"I waited for you. But you never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2303.61,"endTime":2309.04,"body":"came. You never came. So I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2309.04,"endTime":2311.89,"body":"became you instead. What else"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2309.04,"endTime":2311.89,"body":"could I do?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2313.06,"endTime":2316.66,"body":"I always knew you existed. Knew"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2313.06,"endTime":2316.66,"body":"it. From the moment my cock"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2316.66,"endTime":2320.92,"body":"first caught hard. After all, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2316.66,"endTime":2320.92,"body":"seen you all along in my mind,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2321.22,"endTime":2323.98,"body":"clad in leather armor,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2321.22,"endTime":2323.98,"body":"commanding with a look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2324.13,"endTime":2328.78,"body":"distilling all of masculinity,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2324.13,"endTime":2328.78,"body":"seducing me down to my soul. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2328.78,"endTime":2332.53,"body":"didn't know a lot about you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2328.78,"endTime":2332.53,"body":"then. But I sent you from the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2332.53,"endTime":2337.24,"body":"start. 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That counts for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2353.77,"endTime":2355.33,"body":"something, doesn't it?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2356.41,"endTime":2360.16,"body":"And then I found you. I started"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2356.41,"endTime":2360.16,"body":"reading porn and there you were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2360.19,"endTime":2364.21,"body":"in every fucking story I picked"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2360.19,"endTime":2364.21,"body":"up and so I learned your names."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2364.48,"endTime":2369.64,"body":"Daddy, sir. Boss, Master Sarge"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2364.48,"endTime":2369.64,"body":"commander. I learned you rode a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2369.64,"endTime":2372.97,"body":"bike, worked on a ranch where"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2369.64,"endTime":2372.97,"body":"the best cop and the force"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2373.06,"endTime":2376.96,"body":"trained the platoon with an iron"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2373.06,"endTime":2376.96,"body":"hand. You wielded a bullwhip"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2376.96,"endTime":2380.29,"body":"like it was an extension of you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2376.96,"endTime":2380.29,"body":"And you fucked like it was an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2380.29,"endTime":2384.37,"body":"art. So you know how jealous I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2380.29,"endTime":2384.37,"body":"was thinking all those men had"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2384.37,"endTime":2389.11,"body":"met you and written about it. Do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2384.37,"endTime":2389.11,"body":"you even care? Each word each"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2389.11,"endTime":2393.55,"body":"turn of phrase brought you into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2389.11,"endTime":2393.55,"body":"sharper focus. As I spilled load"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2393.55,"endTime":2397.96,"body":"after load in honor of you. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2393.55,"endTime":2397.96,"body":"came to know you intimately and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2397.96,"endTime":2399.97,"body":"came to know above all that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2400.0,"endTime":2404.47,"body":"I needed you. You see, I never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2400.0,"endTime":2404.47,"body":"wanted you never. That would be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2404.47,"endTime":2409.15,"body":"too easy. No, I needed you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2404.47,"endTime":2409.15,"body":"That's why I kept waiting."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2410.8,"endTime":2412.75,"body":"I knew you're out there. We're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2410.8,"endTime":2412.75,"body":"gonna Where's the proof from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2412.75,"endTime":2415.84,"body":"black and white, right? So I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2412.75,"endTime":2415.84,"body":"looked for you. I looked in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2415.84,"endTime":2419.29,"body":"every bar every weekend, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2415.84,"endTime":2419.29,"body":"looked at all the ads and all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2419.29,"endTime":2422.8,"body":"the chat rooms. Sometimes I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2419.29,"endTime":2422.8,"body":"thought I found you. But it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2422.8,"endTime":2426.73,"body":"wasn't you. It wasn't ever you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2422.8,"endTime":2426.73,"body":"They wanted to be like you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2426.76,"endTime":2430.99,"body":"perhaps even like me wanted you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2426.76,"endTime":2430.99,"body":"But they could never be you, no"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2430.99,"endTime":2435.4,"body":"matter how hard they tried. Not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2430.99,"endTime":2435.4,"body":"that they tried very hard shit."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2435.85,"endTime":2439.84,"body":"The men who use your names"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2435.85,"endTime":2439.84,"body":"fucking liars, there should be a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2439.84,"endTime":2444.85,"body":"law really, or a system or well,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2439.84,"endTime":2444.85,"body":"some kind of protection. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2444.85,"endTime":2449.8,"body":"each time I sought to ease the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2444.85,"endTime":2449.8,"body":"pain, it deepened. Each time I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2449.8,"endTime":2453.52,"body":"met one of those almost use, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2449.8,"endTime":2453.52,"body":"just made my need for you, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2453.61,"endTime":2458.02,"body":"only you that much sharper, the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2453.61,"endTime":2458.02,"body":"hunger that much more real."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2459.43,"endTime":2462.34,"body":"Still, I learned what I could"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2459.43,"endTime":2462.34,"body":"from them, because I wanted to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2462.34,"endTime":2466.27,"body":"be ready for you. I learned how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2462.34,"endTime":2466.27,"body":"to black boots Tremere machine,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2466.6,"endTime":2470.56,"body":"learn how to relax my throat"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2466.6,"endTime":2470.56,"body":"into a warm velvet hole. Learn"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2470.56,"endTime":2474.1,"body":"how to suck tits in ways that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2470.56,"endTime":2474.1,"body":"could drive men mad. Learn how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2474.1,"endTime":2477.91,"body":"to light a cigar, and how to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2474.1,"endTime":2477.91,"body":"take it smoke and ash. I learned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2477.91,"endTime":2481.3,"body":"how to offer my suffering. Even"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2477.91,"endTime":2481.3,"body":"though I learned that by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2481.3,"endTime":2486.55,"body":"offering it to dominate men who"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2481.3,"endTime":2486.55,"body":"didn't deserve it. I got hurt a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2486.55,"endTime":2491.86,"body":"lot. Usually not in very good"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2486.55,"endTime":2491.86,"body":"ways. Each time I had to tell"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2491.86,"endTime":2495.91,"body":"him to stop the scene. Every"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2491.86,"endTime":2495.91,"body":"time I had to admit it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2495.91,"endTime":2500.68,"body":"working for me. It killed some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2495.91,"endTime":2500.68,"body":"piece of my soul. Because it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2500.68,"endTime":2504.31,"body":"something I would never want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2500.68,"endTime":2504.31,"body":"do to you. That's not what boys"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2504.31,"endTime":2508.42,"body":"do. You know, they just take it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2504.31,"endTime":2508.42,"body":"So I did. And I kept playing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2508.57,"endTime":2512.44,"body":"good scenes and bad. Just so I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2508.57,"endTime":2512.44,"body":"could keep learning. I thought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2512.44,"endTime":2516.49,"body":"it was worth it. Anything would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2512.44,"endTime":2516.49,"body":"be worth it for you. If only I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2516.49,"endTime":2517.54,"body":"could be worthy of you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2518.56,"endTime":2519.91,"body":"I guess in the end I wasn't."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2520.99,"endTime":2524.38,"body":"I figured you wanted a man in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2520.99,"endTime":2524.38,"body":"leather. So I got some I wore"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2524.38,"endTime":2527.2,"body":"each piece with careful"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2524.38,"endTime":2527.2,"body":"precision wanting it to be just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2527.2,"endTime":2530.77,"body":"so thinking that if I could only"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2527.2,"endTime":2530.77,"body":"get it right you wouldn't notice"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2530.77,"endTime":2534.25,"body":"me. I looked at all the pictures"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2530.77,"endTime":2534.25,"body":"of you. They're all over the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2534.25,"endTime":2537.49,"body":"net, you know, in a million"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2534.25,"endTime":2537.49,"body":"pages in a million shots in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2537.49,"endTime":2541.87,"body":"million ways. I wanted to learn"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2537.49,"endTime":2541.87,"body":"how to dress how to stand how to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2541.87,"endTime":2545.59,"body":"carry myself in a way that would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2541.87,"endTime":2545.59,"body":"speak to you buy boots for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2545.59,"endTime":2550.06,"body":"simple combat. My chaps were bar"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2545.59,"endTime":2550.06,"body":"styled not biker, as was my vest"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2550.45,"endTime":2553.6,"body":"with my keys on the right of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2550.45,"endTime":2553.6,"body":"course. Perfect boy uniform,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2553.6,"endTime":2557.8,"body":"right. I thought if I had the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2553.6,"endTime":2557.8,"body":"right gear, if I looked right in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2557.8,"endTime":2561.19,"body":"it Well, somehow I thought it'd"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2557.8,"endTime":2561.19,"body":"be easier for you to find me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2561.58,"endTime":2566.14,"body":"And that when you did, you'd"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2561.58,"endTime":2566.14,"body":"recognize me. Welcome me. Wrong."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2567.31,"endTime":2569.44,"body":"Then I thought it was because I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2567.31,"endTime":2569.44,"body":"was too heavy. It's not that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2569.44,"endTime":2573.07,"body":"was ever technically fat. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2569.44,"endTime":2573.07,"body":"clearly I wasn't trim enough."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2573.1,"endTime":2577.63,"body":"slim enough. firm enough. If I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2573.1,"endTime":2577.63,"body":"were you'd come. The men I met"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2577.78,"endTime":2580.69,"body":"thought I was just fine. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2577.78,"endTime":2580.69,"body":"they weren't you so how can I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2580.69,"endTime":2584.65,"body":"believe them? So I lost weight."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2580.69,"endTime":2584.65,"body":"I went to the gym. I lifted a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2584.65,"endTime":2588.97,"body":"ran. Still you did not come?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2584.65,"endTime":2588.97,"body":"That made me depressed. So I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2588.97,"endTime":2593.65,"body":"gorged my weight shot back up. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2588.97,"endTime":2593.65,"body":"dieted again, you still did not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2593.65,"endTime":2598.06,"body":"come. I starved myself back into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2593.65,"endTime":2598.06,"body":"my leathers and ate my way back"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2598.06,"endTime":2600.82,"body":"out of them how many times? Fuck"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2598.06,"endTime":2600.82,"body":"off. I know."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2601.84,"endTime":2606.4,"body":"Maybe I shouldn't tell you this."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2601.84,"endTime":2606.4,"body":"But once the cut myself. No,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2606.4,"endTime":2608.89,"body":"it's not what you're thinking I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2606.4,"endTime":2608.89,"body":"didn't want to harm myself"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2608.89,"endTime":2612.1,"body":"because that's not what you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2608.89,"endTime":2612.1,"body":"about. It wasn't sick. Really."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2612.19,"endTime":2616.18,"body":"It was beautiful. I just wanted"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2612.19,"endTime":2616.18,"body":"to prove to myself that I would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2616.18,"endTime":2619.54,"body":"be ready to give you whatever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2616.18,"endTime":2619.54,"body":"you asked. Because I was willing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2619.54,"endTime":2622.6,"body":"to plead for you, you know, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2619.54,"endTime":2622.6,"body":"because those little cuts didn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2622.6,"endTime":2626.89,"body":"hurt near as bad as the cuts I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2622.6,"endTime":2626.89,"body":"had inside. I used to kitchen"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2626.89,"endTime":2631.18,"body":"knife ankles. carving the wounds"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2626.89,"endTime":2631.18,"body":"with care not too long, not too"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2631.18,"endTime":2634.3,"body":"deep. Thinking about being tied"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2631.18,"endTime":2634.3,"body":"down by you in your dark"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2634.3,"endTime":2637.66,"body":"dungeon, begging for rituals of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2634.3,"endTime":2637.66,"body":"intimate bonding."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2639.43,"endTime":2643.48,"body":"After a while, I used to wonder"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2639.43,"endTime":2643.48,"body":"why you weren't coming. I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2643.48,"endTime":2646.96,"body":"still ready. Still waiting by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2643.48,"endTime":2646.96,"body":"wondered. Maybe you found"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2646.96,"endTime":2650.53,"body":"someone else? That was certainly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2646.96,"endTime":2650.53,"body":"possible. Maybe that was you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2650.53,"endTime":2653.17,"body":"over there with the boy on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2650.53,"endTime":2653.17,"body":"leash. He looked contented"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2653.17,"endTime":2656.83,"body":"enough, that's for sure. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2653.17,"endTime":2656.83,"body":"some part of me knew that that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2656.83,"endTime":2660.25,"body":"couldn't be you. Because I know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2656.83,"endTime":2660.25,"body":"you'd have room for me in your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2660.25,"endTime":2664.84,"body":"life. Some room? Other times I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2660.25,"endTime":2664.84,"body":"worried about you it's just the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2664.84,"endTime":2669.04,"body":"way I am. I worried that maybe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2664.84,"endTime":2669.04,"body":"you were hurt or jaded or burnt"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2669.04,"endTime":2673.51,"body":"out or somehow lost in this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2669.04,"endTime":2673.51,"body":"world. Those times were the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2673.51,"endTime":2677.41,"body":"worst. Because I wanted so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2673.51,"endTime":2677.41,"body":"fucking badly to be there for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2677.41,"endTime":2681.52,"body":"you. And I felt so fucking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2677.41,"endTime":2681.52,"body":"helpless that I couldn't be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2682.69,"endTime":2686.02,"body":"what more could you want from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2682.69,"endTime":2686.02,"body":"me? Hmm, I could never be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2686.02,"endTime":2689.17,"body":"perfect enough. I can never look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2686.02,"endTime":2689.17,"body":"good enough. I could never be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2689.17,"endTime":2692.62,"body":"experienced enough or obedient"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2689.17,"endTime":2692.62,"body":"enough or submissive enough or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2692.62,"endTime":2698.68,"body":"piggie enough. I tried. I tried"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2692.62,"endTime":2698.68,"body":"with all I got in me honest. All"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2698.68,"endTime":2699.97,"body":"that yet. I knew that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2700.0,"endTime":2703.9,"body":"knew that none of that crap"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2700.0,"endTime":2703.9,"body":"really mattered. It see through"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2703.9,"endTime":2708.19,"body":"all that, that's just how you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2703.9,"endTime":2708.19,"body":"are. You'd see my hurt, and my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2708.19,"endTime":2710.47,"body":"need. That's why you'd come."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2711.61,"endTime":2715.75,"body":"But you never did. I didn't mean"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2711.61,"endTime":2715.75,"body":"to stop waiting. I didn't think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2715.75,"endTime":2720.61,"body":"I could have if I wanted to. It"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2715.75,"endTime":2720.61,"body":"just happened slowly. I'd be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2720.61,"endTime":2723.91,"body":"online and these boys would come"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2720.61,"endTime":2723.91,"body":"to me. And as often as I told"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2723.91,"endTime":2728.2,"body":"them, I'm not you. They'd still"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2723.91,"endTime":2728.2,"body":"come. I was even concerned. All"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2728.2,"endTime":2731.74,"body":"my signs were right. I was sure"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2728.2,"endTime":2731.74,"body":"all the words in my profile made"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2731.74,"endTime":2735.7,"body":"sense. And they all called for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2731.74,"endTime":2735.7,"body":"you. Why did they come to me?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2735.73,"endTime":2739.57,"body":"Couldn't they read? What did"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2735.73,"endTime":2739.57,"body":"they want from me? I don't know."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2740.29,"endTime":2743.05,"body":"I guess I was lonely then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2740.29,"endTime":2743.05,"body":"without you. And so were they."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2743.83,"endTime":2747.94,"body":"Sometimes being lonely with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2743.83,"endTime":2747.94,"body":"someone feel something like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2747.94,"endTime":2748.54,"body":"belonging."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2749.59,"endTime":2753.46,"body":"And as losses, I still felt they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2749.59,"endTime":2753.46,"body":"were even more loss more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2753.46,"endTime":2758.14,"body":"confused. I knew their hurt."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2753.46,"endTime":2758.14,"body":"It's mine. These men you see,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2758.23,"endTime":2761.32,"body":"they started coming to me and I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2758.23,"endTime":2761.32,"body":"could see they were waiting to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2761.56,"endTime":2766.45,"body":"and I knew how it hurts not have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2761.56,"endTime":2766.45,"body":"you come? So I came for them? I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2766.45,"endTime":2769.09,"body":"did for them. What you would not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2766.45,"endTime":2769.09,"body":"do for me?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2770.11,"endTime":2774.28,"body":"Maybe that makes me a better you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2770.11,"endTime":2774.28,"body":"than you are. I came to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2774.28,"endTime":2777.55,"body":"understand. I figured out that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2774.28,"endTime":2777.55,"body":"learned a lot from all those"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2777.55,"endTime":2781.39,"body":"shithead almost us. And now"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2777.55,"endTime":2781.39,"body":"maybe I could teach the hungry"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2781.39,"endTime":2784.63,"body":"others without them having to go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2781.39,"endTime":2784.63,"body":"through the crap I went through."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2785.2,"endTime":2789.19,"body":"Maybe just maybe I could come to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2785.2,"endTime":2789.19,"body":"them. And they could leave me a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2789.19,"endTime":2792.7,"body":"little wiser, a little more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2789.19,"endTime":2792.7,"body":"centered, standing just a little"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2792.7,"endTime":2796.15,"body":"taller. Without the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2792.7,"endTime":2796.15,"body":"disappointment and the tears and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2796.15,"endTime":2799.93,"body":"the frustration. Maybe that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2796.15,"endTime":2799.93,"body":"what makes me you not the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2799.93,"endTime":2803.83,"body":"leathers or the experiences or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2799.93,"endTime":2803.83,"body":"the skills or the whole fucking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2803.86,"endTime":2808.12,"body":"arbitrary look. Maybe it's just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2803.86,"endTime":2808.12,"body":"that I learned the hard way. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2808.12,"endTime":2811.57,"body":"because I care enough about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2808.12,"endTime":2811.57,"body":"others, others I hardly fucking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2811.57,"endTime":2815.59,"body":"know. To teach them the best way"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2811.57,"endTime":2815.59,"body":"I know how is that what you do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2815.59,"endTime":2818.86,"body":"to for those others who are not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2815.59,"endTime":2818.86,"body":"me?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2820.15,"endTime":2824.98,"body":"At the same time, I was still"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2820.15,"endTime":2824.98,"body":"waiting still. Sure I came for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2824.98,"endTime":2827.8,"body":"them. But after I left their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2824.98,"endTime":2827.8,"body":"beds, I would come home looking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2827.8,"endTime":2832.45,"body":"for you all the way. In fact, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2827.8,"endTime":2832.45,"body":"remember the last almost you I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2832.45,"endTime":2835.75,"body":"was careful, cautious. You only"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2832.45,"endTime":2835.75,"body":"need to be burned once to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2835.75,"endTime":2840.1,"body":"another clarifier. But it seemed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2835.75,"endTime":2840.1,"body":"okay more than okay, even the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2840.1,"endTime":2844.15,"body":"vibe was there. The hankies were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2840.1,"endTime":2844.15,"body":"properly aligned. Thinking back"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2844.15,"endTime":2846.79,"body":"though I imagine I must have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2844.15,"endTime":2846.79,"body":"crushed him with my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2846.79,"endTime":2850.63,"body":"expectations. How could anyone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2846.79,"endTime":2850.63,"body":"bear them? But I thought it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2850.63,"endTime":2855.04,"body":"us it was okay, right? It's not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2850.63,"endTime":2855.04,"body":"too much to expect you is it?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2855.91,"endTime":2859.66,"body":"And I was so sincere, you have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2855.91,"endTime":2859.66,"body":"to understand that. At first"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2859.66,"endTime":2863.32,"body":"when I got there. I thought it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2859.66,"endTime":2863.32,"body":"would work. My clock responded"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2863.32,"endTime":2867.58,"body":"to you and him and I let myself"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2863.32,"endTime":2867.58,"body":"go. I responded Body and Soul"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2867.58,"endTime":2871.45,"body":"baring both and offering, but it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2867.58,"endTime":2871.45,"body":"didn't work. as things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2871.45,"endTime":2874.36,"body":"progressed, the chemistry"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2871.45,"endTime":2874.36,"body":"fizzled as though it had run out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2874.36,"endTime":2877.81,"body":"of some vital catalysts consumed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2874.36,"endTime":2877.81,"body":"in the reaction. And my cock"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2877.81,"endTime":2883.36,"body":"failed me. Or he filled me or I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2877.81,"endTime":2883.36,"body":"feel you. I don't know. I only"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2883.36,"endTime":2888.19,"body":"know I ended it again. Not at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2883.36,"endTime":2888.19,"body":"first. I sat there going through"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2888.19,"endTime":2892.24,"body":"the motions telling myself I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2888.19,"endTime":2892.24,"body":"need to end this. No, tell him"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2892.24,"endTime":2896.86,"body":"now. No, please. Not again. You"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2892.24,"endTime":2896.86,"body":"can do it. I can't. You need to."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2896.89,"endTime":2903.25,"body":"I can't now tell him now."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2896.89,"endTime":2903.25,"body":"Finally. I did. He was angry"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2903.25,"endTime":2907.51,"body":"with me. Can you believe that?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2903.25,"endTime":2907.51,"body":"It took all the strength I had"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2907.51,"endTime":2911.59,"body":"in me to end it rang me dry in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2907.51,"endTime":2911.59,"body":"the process. And there he was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2911.59,"endTime":2916.39,"body":"angry and disappointed. The"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2911.59,"endTime":2916.39,"body":"anger could have handled but the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2916.39,"endTime":2920.05,"body":"disappointment was crashing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2916.39,"endTime":2920.05,"body":"because still thinking it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2920.05,"endTime":2926.2,"body":"you. It hurt me mortally. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2920.05,"endTime":2926.2,"body":"cried all the way home. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2926.2,"endTime":2928.51,"body":"Hope springs but maybe not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2926.2,"endTime":2928.51,"body":"eternal."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2929.68,"endTime":2933.67,"body":"Now I look in the mirror and I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2929.68,"endTime":2933.67,"body":"see you. My eyes have that same"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2933.67,"endTime":2937.42,"body":"wisdom. Did yours come through"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2933.67,"endTime":2937.42,"body":"so much hurt? Did he not come"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2937.42,"endTime":2941.53,"body":"for you? My leathers are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2937.42,"endTime":2941.53,"body":"heavier, more intense, just like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2941.53,"endTime":2945.58,"body":"me. Just like you. My boots are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2941.53,"endTime":2945.58,"body":"the ones I always imagined I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2945.58,"endTime":2949.6,"body":"would buy for you. The cigar I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2945.58,"endTime":2949.6,"body":"light now is only for myself."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2949.84,"endTime":2953.17,"body":"And now those others those"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2949.84,"endTime":2953.17,"body":"hungry others get the smoke in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2953.17,"endTime":2957.94,"body":"the ash. Now my cock finds the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2953.17,"endTime":2957.94,"body":"velvet throat coaxes it open"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2957.97,"endTime":2962.14,"body":"makes it home. Now my boots"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2957.97,"endTime":2962.14,"body":"receive the offerings of hunger,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2962.32,"endTime":2965.71,"body":"returning to them the answers"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2962.32,"endTime":2965.71,"body":"they need the same ones I always"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2965.71,"endTime":2969.34,"body":"needed. I'm you. I thought it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2965.71,"endTime":2969.34,"body":"would be hard to be you. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2969.34,"endTime":2973.15,"body":"it's not. Not for me, at least."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2969.34,"endTime":2973.15,"body":"When you've been me for as long"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2973.15,"endTime":2976.57,"body":"as I have. You know what it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2973.15,"endTime":2976.57,"body":"like, you know the doubts and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2976.57,"endTime":2980.11,"body":"the fears and the longings. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2976.57,"endTime":2980.11,"body":"easy to climb inside a head when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2980.11,"endTime":2983.92,"body":"the floor plan is the same as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2980.11,"endTime":2983.92,"body":"your own and being you just take"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2983.92,"endTime":2988.51,"body":"saying what I would need to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2983.92,"endTime":2988.51,"body":"hear. So I do just that. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2988.51,"endTime":2991.69,"body":"can see it, you know, I can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2988.51,"endTime":2991.69,"body":"watch their eyes and see"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2991.69,"endTime":2995.92,"body":"something like peace seep into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2991.69,"endTime":2995.92,"body":"them. It's pretty powerful. I'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2995.92,"endTime":2999.34,"body":"give you that. No wonder you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2995.92,"endTime":2999.34,"body":"all you are to have that kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2999.34,"endTime":2999.97,"body":"power over"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3000.0,"endTime":3000.36,"body":"him."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3001.439,"endTime":3004.859,"body":"Do I enjoy it? Yeah, I guess I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3001.439,"endTime":3004.859,"body":"mean, the comment all but that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3004.859,"endTime":3008.489,"body":"not what any of this is about is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3004.859,"endTime":3008.489,"body":"it? I enjoy being there for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3008.489,"endTime":3011.519,"body":"them, giving them what they've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3008.489,"endTime":3011.519,"body":"been endlessly looking for."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3011.519,"endTime":3015.389,"body":"Because that's what it's about."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3011.519,"endTime":3015.389,"body":"You know that. But some part of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3015.389,"endTime":3021.479,"body":"me, I'm ashamed to say is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3015.389,"endTime":3021.479,"body":"envious, bitter, angry. They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3021.479,"endTime":3024.239,"body":"don't have to wait any more."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3021.479,"endTime":3024.239,"body":"They don't have to wonder"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3024.239,"endTime":3029.489,"body":"anymore. They don't have to hurt"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3024.239,"endTime":3029.489,"body":"anymore. Why the fuck them? Why"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3029.489,"endTime":3034.979,"body":"the fuck not me? Why does it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3029.489,"endTime":3034.979,"body":"matter? I guess. I guess what's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3034.979,"endTime":3038.069,"body":"important now is that you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3034.979,"endTime":3038.069,"body":"here in me. And I've I have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3038.069,"endTime":3042.209,"body":"carry the herd around. At least"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3038.069,"endTime":3042.209,"body":"some others don't. It's not the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3042.209,"endTime":3044.969,"body":"way I'd like things to be. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3042.209,"endTime":3044.969,"body":"sometimes we don't have a whole"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3044.969,"endTime":3049.139,"body":"lot of say in that. I can't save"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3044.969,"endTime":3049.139,"body":"them all can't even save myself."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3049.439,"endTime":3050.939,"body":"But some is better than none."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3052.14,"endTime":3056.25,"body":"Still, you know what's really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3052.14,"endTime":3056.25,"body":"weird? Once I became you, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3056.25,"endTime":3059.13,"body":"think I needed you more than"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3056.25,"endTime":3059.13,"body":"ever. Even though you're nowhere"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3059.13,"endTime":3063.09,"body":"in sight. There's so much to try"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3059.13,"endTime":3063.09,"body":"to figure out just trying to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3063.09,"endTime":3067.17,"body":"find my fucking way and all this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3063.09,"endTime":3067.17,"body":"and there's no you to answer my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3067.17,"endTime":3072.84,"body":"questions, or point me the way I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3067.17,"endTime":3072.84,"body":"stumble along blindly. If you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3072.84,"endTime":3076.38,"body":"couldn't come from me, then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3072.84,"endTime":3076.38,"body":"couldn't you come now? Can you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3076.38,"endTime":3079.35,"body":"give me answers? Or if that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3076.38,"endTime":3079.35,"body":"too much to ask, can you at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3079.35,"endTime":3082.71,"body":"least help me find the answers"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3079.35,"endTime":3082.71,"body":"myself? I guess not."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3084.06,"endTime":3087.63,"body":"I stopped waiting. I hate saying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3084.06,"endTime":3087.63,"body":"that. I don't want to even"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3087.63,"endTime":3091.26,"body":"believe it. But it's true. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3087.63,"endTime":3091.26,"body":"know it now even if I haven't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3091.26,"endTime":3094.65,"body":"accepted it. It reminds me of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3091.26,"endTime":3094.65,"body":"this night at the bar. So when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3094.65,"endTime":3097.32,"body":"looked at my watch, and know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3094.65,"endTime":3097.32,"body":"that closing hour was coming"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3097.32,"endTime":3099.99,"body":"soon, but I wouldn't leave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3097.32,"endTime":3099.99,"body":"wouldn't go home, because I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3099.99,"endTime":3103.5,"body":"still thought you might walk"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3099.99,"endTime":3103.5,"body":"through that door. So I'd sit"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3103.5,"endTime":3107.19,"body":"there nursing one final beer"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3103.5,"endTime":3107.19,"body":"leaning as casually as I could"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3107.19,"endTime":3110.25,"body":"against the wall. But for whose"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3107.19,"endTime":3110.25,"body":"sake I didn't know. Looking at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3110.25,"endTime":3114.39,"body":"the door waiting. It's like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3110.25,"endTime":3114.39,"body":"that. I'm not waiting anymore."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3114.45,"endTime":3118.53,"body":"But I'm not letting go either."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3114.45,"endTime":3118.53,"body":"You still might come. I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3118.53,"endTime":3121.65,"body":"want to even say that. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3118.53,"endTime":3121.65,"body":"to say it is to believe to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3121.65,"endTime":3124.56,"body":"believe is to hope. And if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3121.65,"endTime":3124.56,"body":"there's one thing I've learned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3124.8,"endTime":3127.68,"body":"to hope is only to see that hope"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3124.8,"endTime":3127.68,"body":"die."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3128.79,"endTime":3132.3,"body":"But how could I ever stop"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3128.79,"endTime":3132.3,"body":"waiting? Especially now when I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3132.3,"endTime":3136.53,"body":"you? Wouldn't letting go of you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3132.3,"endTime":3136.53,"body":"mean letting go of myself? And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3136.53,"endTime":3140.13,"body":"where the fuck would that leave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3136.53,"endTime":3140.13,"body":"me? I don't know. It doesn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3140.13,"endTime":3142.86,"body":"make sense. I know. But But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3140.13,"endTime":3142.86,"body":"that's where I am still"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3142.86,"endTime":3146.76,"body":"confused. Only about a whole new"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3142.86,"endTime":3146.76,"body":"set of shit. Only on a whole new"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3146.76,"endTime":3147.33,"body":"path."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3149.1,"endTime":3153.63,"body":"They say you don't exist. They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3149.1,"endTime":3153.63,"body":"say no one can be you. They say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3153.63,"endTime":3158.37,"body":"maybe we're all waiting. They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3153.63,"endTime":3158.37,"body":"lie. I know because I come for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3158.37,"endTime":3162.57,"body":"some men. And I and they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3158.37,"endTime":3162.57,"body":"waiting. Why didn't you and my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3163.62,"endTime":3167.58,"body":"nevermind. It doesn't matter."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3163.62,"endTime":3167.58,"body":"Now. I'm writing this though,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3167.58,"endTime":3171.21,"body":"because I know you're out there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3167.58,"endTime":3171.21,"body":"despite what they say. I guess"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3171.24,"endTime":3174.75,"body":"I'm hoping you'll read this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3171.24,"endTime":3174.75,"body":"someday. I guess I'm hoping"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3174.75,"endTime":3178.29,"body":"these words will hurt you. I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3174.75,"endTime":3178.29,"body":"not proud of that fact. But it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3178.29,"endTime":3180.09,"body":"true. I'm sorry."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3181.17,"endTime":3184.71,"body":"I'm sorry to say all of this."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3181.17,"endTime":3184.71,"body":"And I'm sorry if my confessions"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3184.71,"endTime":3190.11,"body":"row knew it had to come out."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3184.71,"endTime":3190.11,"body":"This you see is my exorcism. If"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3190.11,"endTime":3193.26,"body":"I can't keep my hope for you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3190.11,"endTime":3193.26,"body":"alive, I can at least set it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3193.26,"endTime":3198.6,"body":"free of me born ever onwards in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3193.26,"endTime":3198.6,"body":"these lines. And maybe if I hurt"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3198.6,"endTime":3203.88,"body":"you, you'll come then maybe we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3198.6,"endTime":3203.88,"body":"can both say we're sorry. Until"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3203.88,"endTime":3207.66,"body":"then I need to be free of you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3203.88,"endTime":3207.66,"body":"So that I can be you. I know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3207.66,"endTime":3208.62,"body":"you'll understand."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3210.06,"endTime":3213.12,"body":"You know, I never expected you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3210.06,"endTime":3213.12,"body":"to love me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3214.14,"endTime":3216.36,"body":"I never want it to take up all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3214.14,"endTime":3216.36,"body":"your time."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3217.47,"endTime":3222.33,"body":"I just wanted a pair of boots to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3217.47,"endTime":3222.33,"body":"sit at and warm eyes to look up"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3222.33,"endTime":3226.8,"body":"to a confident voice to tell me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3222.33,"endTime":3226.8,"body":"it's okay."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3227.82,"endTime":3229.29,"body":"It's all gonna be okay."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3233.58,"endTime":3234.3,"body":"I told you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3235.65,"endTime":3236.94,"body":"thank you for your attention."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3241.17,"endTime":3244.17,"body":"And that's it for this episode."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3241.17,"endTime":3244.17,"body":"Thank you so much for joining me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3244.2,"endTime":3248.01,"body":"please consider subscribing or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3244.2,"endTime":3248.01,"body":"you can send feedback to edge at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3248.01,"endTime":3251.25,"body":"full Cowell dot show. As always,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3248.01,"endTime":3251.25,"body":"may your leather journey be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3251.25,"endTime":3251.76,"body":"blessed"}]}