Interlude: Body Mods

Interludes are short segments between regular episodes with no editing but WITH leather creaking. It's a chance to hear a little more about what's going on in my life. In this interlude, I share my experience with piercing and tattoos.

Transcript

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Welcome to another interlude of full cow edge talks leather and kink. Interviews are like mini episodes that take place between the episodes. They feature no editing, but they do feature. Leather creaking. So in this one, as in most of them, I want to talk about what's going on in my life. And yesterday I went to get my septum piercing stretched from a 10 to an eight. So let's think about body modification, at least my experience with it. And for people who don't know septum piercing is a piercing in the nose. If you've seen a nose ring hanging down, that's the septum and it actually goes through the skin and then through the cartilage of the nose, I have two piercings, I have my friend pierced as well, which for men who are circumcised is the little bit of skin left over from the circumcision on the underneath of the head of the penis. So unlike a PA frenum is just going through skin, it's not going through the urethra at all. And I also have two tattoos. On the left is a tribal Phoenix, and on the right is a sort of Chinese dragon. The curious thing about body modification for me is that and this happened quite by accident before most of my life. I've marked significant ages with body piercings. I got my friend pierced when I turned 30. And that was very specifically about celebrating turning 30 I got my septum pierced at 35. And that was about finishing my doctoral degree. I got my first tattoo at Phoenix on the left at 40. That was definitely about celebrating 40. And I got my second tattoo my Chinese dragon at 45, which was about celebrating turning 45 Ironically, I didn't I didn't do anything for 50. You know, at first for 50, I planned a really big birthday party, a big blowout party with like 100 friends, and then there was COVID. So instead, late for my 50th I purchased my language instead. And you're the beneficiary of that if you like the leather creaking, because that is my language it's creaking. I do like the idea of using body modifications in general, whether that's a tattoo or piercing to mark something significant. I feel like they operate really well and have historically in tribal communities operated as meaning markers. And it is worth noting that many of these practices, tattoos and piercings are slightly colonialist because as a Western white male, I am appropriating practices from tribal communities that were probably colonized or perhaps even decimated by colonization. So I want to offer some awareness of that. I do think it helps being leather folk because we are tribal as well. And we are a little bit outside Western Imperial structures of power, we are a bit of the outcast or at least I like to think so. So getting back to the topic, if you are considering a body modification, you may want to think about tying it to something important. This I think was especially true for my piercings, I'm sorry for my tattoos. Because I felt like the actual tattoo was a little bit like a receipt. The prolonged process of being under the tattoo gun is the thing it was that trial of some extended pain. It was that trial of determination and and my ability to go through that that was the significant thing. And what I get as a receipt or as a souvenir or as a reminder is this beautiful tattoo on my body? Piercing was a little bit different because you know, that's was not not as painful for as long as my experience with piercing my frenum which is my first significant piercing I got when I turned 30 the piercing itself didn't hurt that bad. You know, it's a little piece of skin. It happens very quickly. There was a lot of bleeding. I mean, my my penis was wrapped up in cotton by the time I left, the first thing I did when I got home and like jacked off because I was so aroused by by everything about it right. I felt so much closer to the leather community. I thought it was so hot. And it was really either really hot or really disgusting because there's this pile of blood and calm when I was dying. So either that completely just made you hard, or you're gonna stop listening. I got my friend, my septum. No, my friend I'm pierced at a 10 and then somewhere along the lines I don't why I decided to stretch it to an eight. Oh, God, it was so painful. That is very sensitive skin down there. And stretching, it was not fun. And my friend, it was actually, that took that took almost an entire year to heal. Because you know, it's been kind of a dirty area that's filled with bacteria. And although I did my very best to practice really good care of that piercing, it really wasn't until I did a series of baths with tea tree oil that it really healed fully. So I'm not because they didn't it didn't felt like it didn't heal at all. But it took a long time to heal fully. And I you know, I could have a ring in there, I could flip the ring behind my glands, head of my penis, it can act even as a slightly like a conquering, I don't tend to do that I have a bar which a little balls. So they're just two little metal balls, like little eyes on the bottom of my penis, mostly because you know, it doesn't get in the way of anything I want to do with my penis. So if a man swallowing it, or wherever I'm putting it inside of a man, it's not going to catch anything, it's not going to chip a tooth. And I like that it's decorative. It's not particularly functional, but it's also not obstructive. And that's what I like about my friend, my friend. My septum, you know, when you pierced that area, it's really close to the nerves that control the tear ducts or whatever. So you cry, you just it's sort of autonomic. So I did cry. When I got my septum pierced my septum healed very quickly, I want to say about six weeks. And it's you know, don't tell my friend um, but my septum is my favorite piercing. In part, I think because of the options of jewelry I can have in it. But also, because for a large part of the time, I wear a black niobium horseshoe retainer, which means I'm walking around with a piercing on my face, and no one can know. And I liked that kind of secret knowledge that it provides. But I just recently stretched it, I stretched it from a 10 to an eight didn't hurt at all. I mean, I mean, the piercing, so old, and it was probably already close to an eight just from the weight of Julie hanging off of it throughout time. And and I'm not I said, eight still looks a little tiny. So I'm probably gonna go to a six, but I'm going to wait a few months. All of this is because I've decided I'm going to start wearing my septum to work and I talked to my boss about it. And he didn't necessarily have a significant problem with it. And there are a lot of reasons I've chosen to do that I was very inspired by a friend of mine who is an engineer. And who is works with the government. I'm like, Oh my God, if he can work with the government, and the government doesn't tell him anything, maybe I can wear my piercings. So that was part of it a large part of it was also getting into my 50s and feeling like Jesus Christ, if I can't do what I want, if I can't be fully myself in all situations in my 50s, then when the hell is that going to happen? So it's really about being myself in all times in all places. And it was a little bit about being doing some self fashioning now that I'm single, sort of remaking myself in ways that I want to, because I don't have anyone to check in with and say, I don't have to say, Hey, baby, I'm thinking of stretching, what do you think I could just do whatever the hell I want. And so I'm sort of embracing that freedom. So I'm happy with the eight, I'm gonna go to a six, I don't think I'll go to a for for those who've never been Pierce, the lower the number, the thicker gauge is opposite, right? So lower, bigger, bigger, lower. And a force really big. Four is really big. But I think six might be a good place to land. And that's my plan. My experiences with tattoos for even more invested with meaning. Obviously, it took me 240 To get my first tattoo. And that's because you really, really, really do want to think very long and hard about your tattoo because it's going to be on your body practically forever, unless you get it laser removed, which is a whole different interlude. And I went with the Phoenix, because I was really in part celebrating five years of recovery from my crystal meth addiction. So it's about rising from the ashes, and also has worked into it a couple of numbers that are very special to me that are hidden within the design. And if you ever meet me, and if you ask, I'll show you, most of you because it means you've listened to my interlude. And I'm really grateful for that. The process is very interesting. So you know, I'm not a pain pig. And I didn't think I had a lot of experience with endorphins until I got tattooed. I remember it first. You know, the tattoo gun feels a little bit like Oh, like that, like a tip of a knife just sort of scraping against your skin. You're like, Okay, so that's kind of it just feels kind of annoying. That feels kind of annoying. And then as the artists continued, at some point, my endorphins kicked in, and I was like, Oh, I love you. Oh, I'm part of the universe. When we took a break. I felt like I was walking on the moon and I was loving it. endorphins are fantastic. And they're a great, great side effect of being tattooed. And maybe one of the reason people get addicted to tattoos, that's an interesting thought. The thing with endorphins is like your body only produces so much, and then you don't have anymore. So the endorphins wore off. And then I just remember being annoyed, deeply annoyed, like, Oh, my God, when is this going to end? When is this going to end. And the Phoenix was really remarkable, because my artist was a trooper, I want to say it was a 12 hour tattoo, and we did it in one sitting. And it was worth it. I was very happy with it. And what I also noticed is, you know, when I first grew a moustache, it opened the door to a whole new group of men for like before, there were men who thought I was cute, and would have sex with me. But once I had facial hair, then I became closer to hot, and people would have sex with me. Like, it just opened the door to a whole new pool. The same with a tattoo, the moment I got a tattoo, people who had never paid any attention to me, were suddenly really interested in me, it really put me in a new, a new pool of men. And that was a really lovely experience. My second tattoo was a far more challenging experience, you know, because my late husband died one week before my 45th birthday. So I didn't actually end up getting the tattoo until I think around March of 2016. And, and so it's it's both to celebrate 45. But the Dragon Tattoo is also to honor Him and to remember him. And on the underside of my arm, the dragon tail is in a figure eight, which is the infinity sign. And it's to show that I love him forever. And it also have some numbers secretly hidden into the design that are very special that I will show you, if you ask, because you've listened to my interlude. In that time, my artists who had gotten bigger, more famous, more busy, more expensive at that point. He also changed the way he works. We did that in at least two sittings, maybe three. Don't tell the Phoenix, but the dragon is my favorite tattoo. It is just, I think stunning. And, you know, in both cases, I went to my artists and asked for what I wanted. And the first time I went to tribal Phoenix because I loved the kind of boldness graphicness angularity of tribal work, but I wanted to Phoenix and he threw something together and I'm like, can you change a few things? And I was like, Yeah, okay. And it's, I mean, it's a great tattoo. But it wasn't, I don't think ever exactly what I envisioned, in part because it's really hard to marry a Phoenix with a tribal, but I still love that. When I went to my artists for the dragon, I said, Imagine a Chinese dragon. walking along the street and a dinosaur comes by and stomps it flat. I wanted something very graphic looking. Something very, would cut looking that had been threedimensional had been kind of smashed flat. And he nailed it. It is so beautiful is exactly what I wanted. And it is my favorite tattoo. I love that my tattoos kind of poke out from my arm sleeves. If I'm wearing like a polo shirt at work, which I do all the time. I love this, this sort of hint that I have this side to me. And you can see it's there. But you can't see all of it. You don't know how far the tattoo goes or what the full design is. I absolutely love that. One of the things I don't love about getting tattooed is is the shaving because obviously they got to get to the skin and having chunks of my chest shaved. For someone who likes really hairy people. That was not fun for me. There areas of the body that when you get tattooed you didn't think would like I didn't think my chest I don't think I did not imagine getting my chest tattooed will hurt because I'm like, Oh, that's a big chunk of muscle. That'll be fine. Wrong. It is extremely painful to get your chest tattooed. I don't know why. Obviously, it was the worst up on my shoulders near my collarbone because that was very thin skin. Arms. We're not too bad arms. We're not too bad. I think I'm done getting tattoos. I don't feel another one inside me. Nor do I know where I'd want to put it. Now I don't believe I would never want to touch you that I can't see. So I'm not gonna get anything on my back. I don't believe in leg tattoos that go all around the lake, particularly around the calf. Because I feel like I'm five foot seven. And I think they would just sort of cut me off at the legs and make me look shorter. So theoretically, I have thought about something across my outer thigh into my inner thigh or something like that. But I don't know maybe for 55 I do feel that one of the factors in getting my sentence stretched is that this is a sort of To lead celebration, body modification of 50. So I'm going to count this as my age 50 body modification, there was a, you know, there was a pandemic, technically, we're still in it. So I think I think I get a pass on that. And then the question becomes what happens in 2025? When I turn 55, God willing, I don't know. I don't desire any more piercings, you know, getting pierced nipples is very popular, particularly when I was in coming out leather, like everybody was getting their tits pierced when I was coming out and leather. But I have extraordinarily sensitive nipples. And my understanding is that the piercing can either make your nipples more sensitive, or it can remove sensitivity and the very thought of losing what are essentially to mean to extra sexual organs on my chest. I cannot stomach the idea. I cannot I adore my tits. So much, I would not dare put them at risk that way. So I will not get my nipples pierced. I don't want to PA it doesn't appeal to me. I can't think you know, I don't I don't want to belong or any of the other strange ones on the penis. I don't feel like adding a Jacob's ladder with my septum. I mean, my friend. Um, I think I'm done. I think I'm done with primary body modifications. But I am grateful for them. And I love them. So for those of you who have tattoos or piercings, I hope this has been kind of entertaining, and reflecting on your own experiences and what we have in common. What you found was different or what I didn't talk about that you're like, how could you not talk about blah, blah, blah, right? I love that we can have common experiences and share stories around them. For those of you who have no tattoos or piercings, well, this was my experience, you can think about it, maybe it'll inspire you, maybe it will deter you. I don't know. I will also say I do not wish that I'd gotten tattooed any sooner. I think I got tattooed exactly when I was supposed to in life. I'm very glad I did wait, that worked for me. And I am just extraordinarily happy with my body modifications. I'll be happier when my septum is at a six. And I think I'll do that for my birthday in the fall. Or I'll do it for the new year. Because they're very insistent on waiting at least six months. I think that's a little crazy. So I might also do it when I get back from Ireland. So I might do it in August. I might do it in late October. Or I might do it in January. Let's see perhaps I'll do another interlude them. That's it. For now I'm actually leaving this interlude, and going to finish up the editing and assemble the episode for the episode on dominance. It's really a delight to work on this podcast. It's a lot of work, but it is a delight. And what makes it a delight is not just me sitting in my office slash play room talking into a boom microphone with a windscreen filter. That's not the delight. The delight is all of you who give me your time, who enjoy my content, who amazingly like the sound of my voice and the creak of my leather. So thank you. Thank you for listening to this interlude. And I hope I hope life is treating you very kindly and if it is not, and I hope you remember how very strong you are. Until next time