Events

Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about leather and kink where your host, Edge (he/him), shares his 30+ years of experience in the community. This time we're covering leather events

Edge starts by talking about his history attending leather events and then offers some tips for going to your first event. Then we talk to "leather adjacent" Ricky about his own experiences going to events.

Also, note... One thing I should have talked about as a cost saving measure for events is staying somewhere other than the host hotel. That has upsides and downsides. You can save money and you can get away from the boisterousness of the event but at the same time there's nothing sweeter than getting in an elevator and going up to your room when you're done.

Transcript

Edge : 0:05

Let's talk about events. This podcast contains material intended for a mature audience. Before proceeding, please check your local laws and confirm that you are an adult. Welcome to full cow, a podcast about leather kink and BDSM. My name is edge My pronouns are he him, and I am your host. And we are talking about events, specifically leather events. As usual, we'll start by sharing my own experience at attending different events. Before I offer some practical tips for attending your first event, then we're going to have conversation with Ricky, as he shares his own experiences in going to different events, as well as helping to put on events at events. I know that's a lot of events. But it's also a lot of fun. I think it's a great episode. So let's get started. Historically, I've not actually gone to many events. And I think a lot of people find that surprising, because they think I'm the kind of other man who would go to a lot of events. But there have been a couple of reasons for that. First, I've almost always been in a long distance relationship. And part of what that means is that all of my travel time, and all of my travel money has historically gone to seeing my partner. But it's also true that I can be very uncomfortable in large groups. And I used to categorize that as social anxiety. And I now understand that I'm very much an introvert. And I'll talk about that a little bit later in this segment. But I feel like I've gone to every one of the major US weather events, at least once. My first event was mid atlantic leather, and this was the late 1900s. I'm not going to use the magical year of 1995 this year. This time, I'm instead going to say that it was probably 1997. I do know that I had a mustache at that point. It was a handlebar mustache to the nose, post 1995. And I do believe was before the millennium. And back then Mid Atlantic leather was a smaller event. You know, we think about all these big, huge major events. They didn't start big and huge. They started small, and then more and more people went every year. So I went to mar when it still felt manageable. And I can't even guess how many people were actually there. I can only tell you it was at that hotel, I think on Dupont Circle. Don't quote me on that. But it felt very manageable. And I had a good time. You know, at the time I was living in New Jersey. So I was very much part of that larger Northeastern community. And I was there with a lot of friends and I saw a lot of friends. I went to IML for the first time in the year 2000 That when I'm very sure about the date, finally. And I want to help a vendor. There was a vendor in Connecticut called another creations. Two guys ran it and they were super hot and super into cigars and bondage and breath control. And we had connected and and that was sort of my ticket to IML. So my first experience of IML was exhausting. Now, if you've not been a vendor, let me tell you what being a vendor is. It means being on your feet the entire day. So I spent a lot of time standing, helping people. I didn't actually enjoy a lot of the event because of that because by the time the vendor Mark closed, I was pretty tired. But I did get a very good sense of IML and what it was. Then I've also been to Folsom in San Francisco once I went with my mentor Thor, who I discussed in the episode on cigars. And he's lived in San Francisco a large part of his life. So he was able to really show me around. We went to Butler's uniforms, and I got I think that's where I got my San Francisco uniform from. And, you know, Folsom was a little overwhelming even then it was fortunately we went really early to kind of enjoy the street. But it got really crowded. And I got really over that. We were staying at the Best Western on Harrison. I don't know if that's still infamous but it was at the time and there were they had smoking rooms which was starting to become rarer, but as Superman we were quite appreciative of that. And we both had friends in California so I was able to see a lot of friends In the event that I probably Oh, and I've been to smoke out ones, and I don't love smoke out. I know a lot of people do. But for me smoke out when I went and that would have been 2016. And when I went to that, and 16 smoke out was mostly standing around a pool. And if you didn't get up really early and get a seat by the pool, you were standing around the pool. I will say I saw friends I hadn't seen in decades at smokeout, and that part was great. I'll also admit that at the time I was dating a really super hot Leather Cigar man has so much leather, it's ridiculous. name's Tom, Australian living in London, some of you may know him, still a dear friend, but at the time we were dating, we were supposed to meet at smoke out and he was unable to make it. So my smoke out experience was influenced a little bit by the fact that the man I was dating wasn't there. However, Tom and I did manage to go to my first claw together and close the event. I've gone to the most I think I've been there at least three times, maybe four. And I'm talking about classic claw in Cleveland. I love I think it's a fantastic event. The reasons I love cloud number one, the cigar deck. Very few. I mean, excluding smoke out very few events have really nice dedicated smoking spaces. There was nothing at that like that at IML you're just be outside the hotel. And I'm not sure what the story is at MSL right now. But I know it's Washington DC in January and probably not a lot of fun to be outside a claw. They block out one entire deck of the parking garage at the hotel. And it has converted into a beautiful cigar space with sofas and chairs and tables, but also play equipment. And because the hotel staff isn't allowed in there, you're allowed to play in there. It is a beautiful cigar space. Now, the thing I love about claw is that it has classes and that means there's always something to do. You can always drop it on a class or you can do the speed dating, you can shop the vendor market, you can go to a party. I feel like there were a lot of options for me. In fact, one of the things people love about smokeout is like there's nothing to do you make your own plans with friends, or we're gonna go see the Hoover Dam, we're gonna go see a show on the Strip. That didn't work for me because I'm not great at being social in that way. IML is really all about contest. So you do all the contest stuff. But if you're not into the contest, there's a large, not a lot to do, claw. There was always something I loved that. Now the downside about claw is that at least the ones I've been to, there was no central hotel lobby. And that means there was no one place to see everyone. And that wasn't fun. IML all about the lobby, ma l all about the lobby, a claw, no lobby. I've also recently been to what they're now calling leather getaway, which was originally claw. But in Los Angeles. I had a great time at that event. And I'm looking forward to attending it again in about three weeks. There are a lot of events I would like to make as well, one day, I would love to get to dark lands. Maybe Folsom Europe, I'm not sure about that one. I might go to Dory at some point, that would be nice. You know, I am starting to do more leather events. But I'm still not entirely sure how many I want to do, because it does require a certain budget. Historically, I'll return to the point that events have been very challenging for me. And this might surprise people but events intimidate me. Because I know I am walking into a lobby filled with hot men in gear in hot gear, with their hot partners, living their hot lives. Often, I am afraid of reliving High School dynamics at an event. And in high school. I was never one of the cool kids. I was the weird, chubby kid. And so my fear always with an event is that I'm going to walk in and feel outside less than I'm going to compare and despair. Then a long time I thought, oh, that's just the sort of social anxiety and certainly that's part of it. And that's also related to my issues around self esteem and trauma from bullying. All of that's at play, right. But I've also learned thanks to my ex ex Eric who was local who was a true extrovert. I've learned that I'm an introvert. Now. I think there might be a lot of definitions for Word introvert means I will tell you, it does not mean shy. For me, what it means is that on any given morning, I wake up with a certain amount of social energy. And when that energy is spent, I'm done. I have to be away from people, I have to be by myself and I have to recharge. Now if I know I'm going to do something, I can like a party, I can budget my social energy to make sure I have enough for the party. But it also means very rarely, if you ask me to something last minute, am I going to be interested because oh my god, I didn't budget for that, am I going to have the energy am I going to run out so I am about making plans, and then budgeting energy to the plants. Recently, I've started since IML. This past year, I've started really enjoying events. Because through a series of changes in my life, I've learned to become very intentional about my social activities at events. This is the strategy that has worked for me. And what that meant is before IML, I went to IML. This year 2022. Before IML, I reached out to certain people that I knew were going to be there. And I said, I would like to get together with you can we set a date at a time. And we did so because the problem with events, you know, people will see you online and oh, you're going to this event? Oh, I hope to see you Oh, I can't wait to see you. And then you don't see them. Because when you get there, there's all these people, there's all this stuff to do the chance of just sort of randomly bumping into each other is not nearly as good as you think it might be. So I've learned to become very intentional. I can tell you, right now, as record this on Saturday, November 5, a scant less than three weeks away from leather getaway slash la claw, I can tell you that if you're not on my calendar, right now, there's a very small chance that we're going to be able to meet. I have plans all Thursday with a wonderful boy, I have plans to see the boy who changed my life on Friday. I have plans to see this great guy from San Diego on Saturday, I have dinner plans, I have brunch plans, I have a lot of intentional activities already set. This may not work for everyone, but it works for me. Because I know there are certain people I want to spend time with, I know they're going to be at the event. And I want to make sure that happens. But I also try to balance that with being able to be at the event. So my schedule is not completely booked, I find it useful to have some free time to let me talk to that hot guy. I didn't notice him before. Oh, I didn't know you're gonna be here. Let's get together. Let's go have coffee. Right now, I want a little bit of spontaneous, I want a little bit of new. But I want to balance that with making and investing in the relationships that are significant to me. Events are important to us as a community, in part because bars are dying. Part of why bars are dying is because everyone's online, everyone's on social media, and everyone's on apps. Because of that we're no longer so much local communities as much as we are national or global communities. So many of these events, I am meeting people that I've talked to sometimes for decades online. And this is our first actual meeting. And that's why I want to be super intentional. Because this is the one chance for me to meet these people I've been talking with. And I think that's largely true. More and more. The magic Avenue event is that all the people we've been chatting with online, who live all over the country, they're probably going to be at some event. And if we're at that event with them, we can finally meet. And it is a low stakes meeting. I'm not getting on a plane and flying to another city to meet someone for the first time, just to discover that we really don't have any in person chemistry. No one is getting on a plane and flying to me just to discover it's not really going to work out. Instead, we are both getting on planes we are meeting at an event and if it doesn't work out, we're at the event. You can spend time meeting other people. So the stakes are so much lower. cost a little bit higher because we're both paying for the event. But I feel like the emotional costs for me it just feels a lot safer. I'm starting to think about my 2023 travel for events. At this point. There's a tiny chance I'm going to the Dublin leather weekend. I think it's called in late January. I had such great time in Dublin this summer. I would love to return it going it's going to depend a little bit on my work schedule. I am hoping to go to club 2023 I'm waiting for them to launch information on the hotel on reservations 2023 is tough because claw is Easter weekend. So is Easter Berlin. So is smokeout. That's three major events one weekend, that's going to divvy up the fetishists in Kingston, right. So if I don't go to cloth, and I love cloth, if I don't go to cloth, I might consider smoke out. You know why? Because everyone I know who goes to smoke health finds a boy or a partner. I'm overstating that a lot. But a couple of very significant people in my life, met partners, masters, daddies, boys, the ultimate smoke out, I'm like, Oh, there's the trick, go to smoke out. So maybe Dublin, definitely either clot or smoke out, I don't think I'm gonna do IML because that will be the next month. And it's very expensive to do two major event trips back to back. And then I'm not sure I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything. Mid to late 2023. Probably I will return to the LA claw event letter get away in 2023 as well. Assuming I have as good a time this year, as I did last year. I don't know what else. I'm certainly open to options and explorations. I will say this year, I also went to mates in Provincetown, and had a fantastic time. So I would consider that as well. If I were to able to travel again with my wonderful traveling companion that I had such a good time with. Beyond that, I don't know. I like claw, I would like to keep it a regular part of my schedule. I also want to explore new events. So I'm looking for good balance. And I'm looking into that my budget. This is something I'll talk about in the other segment. But keep in mind each of these weekends for me, based on how I like to travel, how much gear I like to bring the fact that I don't like sharing space as an introvert. So I need a hotel room by myself. Based on all those factors. Each of these events is at least $1,000, at least between airfare, hotel Ubers, food, cat sitter Ubers, to the hotel, Uber to the airport, all of that all adds up. So my overall budget for the year is fractionated. And I'm only gonna be able to vote so much to letter events. So I'm trying to balance once I love and once I want to check out. If you have an event you think I should check out, let me know, if you're going to any of these events. If you see me, please let me know. Say hello, I'm fairly friendly. I'll also add that historically, when I went to other events, people would kind of recognize me because I had a lot of photos online. But it always be look familiar Have we met before, and I didn't, I knew we hadn't met before, because I'm very good at remembering faces. And I kind of suspected they just seen my pictures. That's historically, recently, since IML. People have been coming up to me, I follow your Twitter, I listened to your podcast, I liked your Instagram. Oh my god, it has felt so amazing and wonderful. To actually connect with people one on one, give them a big hug. And thank them for liking my contact content and for following me. So that's been a fairly new phenomenon for me, and one that I absolutely love. So if you see me in an event, don't be shy, come up, say hello, get a big hug, I get a really good hugs. And I hope you're able to find events that you can afford that you can attend. And I hope that they're good, enriching experiences for you. Because I do think they're great places to find the community. And to make new community community that means something to you, friends, who were dear to you that you will return each year to see. And that is a wonderful part about this leather journey. Leather events can be an incredible way to participate in the community. At the same time that can be incredibly intimidating, whether it's your first event or your 400th. So in this segment, I want to share some tips for attending leather events. Now the first step, particularly if you've never been to one is to set the intent to attend an event and to set that intent with a full commitment of your being. Because it's very easy to put it off for another year or think it's too expensive or think it's too far away or think you won't fit in or think you won't have fun. We are great at providing rationalizations when we have even the slightest fragment of fear. So I want to invite you instead to commit with your whole being to attending that first event. And then the next step is to find an event. There are certainly major national and international events including Mid Atlantic leather in January in Washington, DC. International Mr. Leather in May in Chicago, there's dark lands, there's fulsome Europe, there's Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco claw in Cleveland, Mr. International rubber, international Ms. Leather. There's a wide variety of these national events, and any of those could be good targets for you. But also consider their number of regional events that may be closer to you. And this means both a smaller event which can make it more manageable, and an event that you might be able to drive to, which can make it more affordable. Recently, I went to mates leather weekend in Provincetown, I had a fantastic time. It wasn't a huge event. But you really got a sense that you could see everyone there was a lot of people still, there's a lot of things to do still in Provincetown was beautiful. So I had a great time. Do some pre planning, I'm already thinking about the events I want to attend during the next year. So think far in the future, so that you give yourself a lot of time to plan and prepare. And I will say, you can actually just Google leather events calendar of leather events. And when I tried that a lot of my local or close to local events popped up as well as some of the major ones. I think there used to be a kind of master calendar. But that really hasn't gone through, I have not been able to find a shred of it. So if you're able to locate that, let me know so I can add it into the show notes. Planning ahead means marshaling resources as well. Events are not cheap. And often it's not the event itself, that's expensive. But when you combine travel, hotel, food, all of that tends to add up. So it's going to be important for you to plan ahead so that you can begin to prepare a budget. Now, I'm at an age where I like to travel in comfort, I like to bring a lot of gear with me, I don't want to share a hotel room, I generally budget around $1,000 for an event that would last a long weekend. That is a lot of money. But that's part of why I'm also planning a year in advance not only to save, but so that I don't over commit myself to too many events. The good news is there are any number of cost saving measures you can use to attend an event. Besides regional events that you might be able to drive to some of the major national events you may be able to drive to. And if you have friends that can go with you even better, because they can split the cost of the gas, and they can help you with the driving. Finding roommates for the hotel is a great strategy, you can probably fit up to four people in a hotel room, and that significantly decreases the cost of attending. Also, keep in mind that at least some events if you volunteer at the event, you can get a free or reduced registration, further reducing your costs. And then consider stacking your hotel room with snacks and pop tarts and bread and sandwich needs so that you can do a lot of eating in your hotel room, saving the cost of meals out. So there are ways to reduce the overall cost that can adjust it to the budget that you're comfortable with. In terms of packing, I like to bring obviously a lot of gear my preferred airline is southwest here domestic in the United States, because you get two checked bags for free and that allows you to bring a lot of gear. In general, if you are flying another airline or if you don't want to necessarily check bags, the rule of thumb is to wear good bulkiest items. So if you're bringing a leather jacket to the event where the leather jacket on the plane if you are bringing tall boots to the event, where the tall boots on the plane, if you're packing, the trick is to take your toeless boots and shove them full of everything T shirts, socks, jockstraps gloves, hankies. Anything small goes inside of boots, and then pile in as much gear as you can. Don't feel like you need to have a lot of gear to fit in at an event, particularly the larger events but also the regional ones. They are very, very good at being open and welcoming and inclusive. Generally speaking, they are fairly safe spaces, generally speaking, and you will find a broad spectrum of people there from people in full gear to people just in street clothes. So don't feel like you need a certain kind of gear to go to an event. Don't let any gatekeepers tell you anything different. Wear what makes you feel sexy. And I've seen some really fantastic. We weird, but wonderfully weird combinations at events. And those people are living their joyful life and I love it. And it may not be what I'm attracted to, but I see them and I recognize them. And I welcomed them to the event. Events are great because you find others like yourself. And I don't just mean kinky others like yourself, I mean people into that weird fetish you have people with that weird aesthetic you have, you will find others and you'll connect with them. And that's amazing. So you pack whatever gear makes you feel hot, you wear your bulkiest stuff, and you get to the hotel, obviously, step one, check in, complete the registration for the event, and then settle in, I like to unpack all of my leather, I'll go down outside the hotel and have a pipe. And then what a lot of people do is they lay in snacks. So even if you're not going to be eating in your hotel room, you might want to get some bottles of water, some protein bars, granola bars, chips, I usually load up a few Diet Cokes in the mini fridge in the room. And then I like a little something sweet at night. So like cookies, or little cakes or something because I get cravings for sweet things like at night. And I get back to my hotel room and I have a Diet Coke. And I have my sweet thing and it's delicious. Now, presumably, before you've attended the event, you've checked out the website, you've checked out the information, you have some sense of what you can do, in different events provide different options. You know, one of the reasons I love claw in Cleveland is that it offers classes. And that's a great chance for you to explore new fetishes and connect to others who are also exploring that new fetish. Other events like international Mr. Leather is very much around the contests, you may want to make sure you attend the contest things. The other thing that you can do at just about any event is shop. Particularly the major national events have all of the major leather fetish kink vendors. And that's fantastic because you get to try things on. So even if you don't have the money right now to buy that leather uniform shirt you want, you can try it on, you can try it on several different vendors, find the one you like, know that it's the quality you want, know what size you are and what fits and then save up for it. Because otherwise we're shopping online and shopping online is it's fine, but you're never quite sure of the quality of the hide the weight of the leather, the feel of it, and particularly the fit. And I will tell you some manufacturers I have found run a little small in their sizes, so can be surprising. But by going to an event and going to the vendor market, you get to try everything on and make a wish list. Even if you don't end up buying anything there. fingermark markets are also really a great place to meet other people, they're one of the gathering spots of any event. Because you just wander around the market, you say hello to people, you chat with vendors. And it's a great way to feel connected to the event as a whole. I will say that for me, as an introvert, it's very important for me to manage my energy at an event. And that means I know that at any point in time, it is okay for me to leave and go back to my room. I don't have to do everything. I don't have to do everything at the event. I'm probably in a different city, maybe it's a city I've never been to, I might want to go off site and actually explore the city. Those are important ways for me to manage my energy. And then connected with that is to make sure you practice exquisite self care. That means make sure you sleep at least a little bit every night. Make sure you eat at least a little bit every day. Make sure you take a shower, every couple of days at least, it's about making sure that you take good physical care of yourself because events can be fairly physical physically demanding, because there's so much to do, and so many people to see and you want to do it all and you want to see them all. So making sure you take the time to take care of yourself is very important. Beyond that, I want to really invite you to at least connect with one person at an event. I promise you there is someone there that can be a friend to you. And you might find them at the puppy Mosh you might find them at a particular at the adult baby booth at the vendor Mart. You might find them the fisting class you might find them in the cigar smoking area, but you will find them and that becomes the core connection that allows them you allows it you to attend the next event even easier because your friends gonna be there you come back next year, you make another friend. You come back the year after that and before you know it, you have a small group of friends that you get to see every year at the event. I do feel like events are a wonderful way to be fully who we are in a very public space that still feels fairly safe. Because we are gathered on Moss, there is safety in numbers as we are surrounded by our fellow gangsters. That's not to say that you're going to have a perfectly wonderful time at events. People can be mean, people can be cruel people can be gatekeepers, keep people can judge and Mark. But I really don't think that represents the best of the community, or the best of any event. And while you might have some poor experiences, I really think that you can find a way to enjoy almost any event. Part of that is by thinking very intentionally about what you want out of the event. If you'd like dancing, almost all the events have dance parties connected to them, You Can Dance, if you want to have sex, there's a very good chance you will be able to have sex in the main event Hotel. If you want to meet people, you can do that. If you want to learn new things, you can do that. Coming into the event, knowing what you want, can help you find it. Because if you really want to connect to people, but you're cruising and looking for sex, there's a disconnect, right? So be intentional. This has been particularly successful for me recently. Because even for me, events can be intimidating, I still feel like I'm going to walk in, and I'm going to be judged, and I'm going to be less than I've been doing leather for over 30 years, I'm pretty good at it at this point. And I still feel I'm going to walk in, I'm going to be judged, and I'm going to be less than what I've learned to do is to be very intentional about setting social plans with people. So I'm going to have coffee with this friend, going to dinner with that one, I'm going to brunch with another because that allows me to have a structure of joy and connection, that mitigate some of the fear from not having anything to do. And I try also not to be too scheduled. Because I still want spontaneous encounters, I still want to explore the event. I don't want all of my time booked. As an introvert, that's a particularly important strategy for me not only being able to leave the event, but even before I go, being very intentional about what I want out of it, and planning that and structuring that in. Now, hopefully with all of this, you will have a super fantastic time at the event. But the last thing you need to be aware of is what we call event drop. So you go for this weekend, you're surrounded by kinky people, you're surrounded by people who are like you, you're surrounded by people who see you recognize you validate you, and then you go home, and you're back to your normal life. And you're back surrounded by people who don't see you don't recognize you perhaps don't accept you. And what comes is depression, there is a significant drop in your mood, or can be a significant drop in your mood after an event that can last several days. That's just something to be aware of. The other thing to keep in mind with events is that unfortunately, they generate a lot of FOMO a lot of fear of missing out. When I go on Facebook, on any event weekend, I'm usually not at the event, I'm usually looking all my friends who are at the event. And therefore I feel left out unwanted not one of the cool kids less than all of those feelings. And the truth is, I can have those same feelings at the event. Because I'll be at the vendor Mart and wondering if all the cool kids are in the cigar area. Or I'll be at the cigar area and wonder if all the cool kids are at a class. So to mitigate that FOMO I first of all, remind myself that I'm being selective about the events I choose to attend. And I try to be happy for my friends who are able to go to events themselves. And then to prevent FOMO at the event, or try to be very present to the moment. I don't spend a lot of time on my phone. I try to interact with people as authentically as I can, which can be challenging. And that allows me to be there in that moment. And if you're there in that moment, then you're not missing out. And if you're not missing out, you don't have the fear of missing out. I have almost always had a really great time at events. And so they really want to invite you to explore it is one aspect of entering into and participating in the community. I think there are opportunities for growth and connection and joy at almost any event. And I hope you find an event that works for you. And I hope you have a really really, really fantastic time. Please help me welcome to full Kyle, Ricky Ricky. Thank you for joining us

Unknown: 34:59

today. You're having me?

Edge : 35:01

Absolutely. Can you start by telling us your pronouns and how you identify in the community? Sure.

Unknown: 35:06

My name is Ricky, my pronouns are he him? I identify myself as leather, Jason kingster.

Edge : 35:15

Leather adjacent, what a great way to put it. This is an episode about events. Can you tell us about your first leather event and how that happened and what that was like,

Unknown: 35:26

I probably didn't even know I was a letter event. When I first did anything, um, I met a bunch of leather people through a Burning Man Group. And then out of nowhere, they're like, well, we'll go to ego Come on, come with us. And that's kind of how I started going to the eagle, the eagle la little bar. And that's how I started meeting all of these people.

Edge : 35:54

And from there, what would you consider your first official leather event?

Unknown: 35:58

A big one, I would have to say I tried to go to MHL. But pandemic was stopping me. And then the actual big one would probably be claw LA. Last year,

Edge : 36:13

and what was that experience like?

Unknown: 36:14

Um, so that has somewhat background to tell. Since I'm with pastels, LA, and we're the clown that goes around and create events, to fundraise for charity events. So we were doing we were doing seven parties out of a three day weekend, with night parties, after parties, sweet parties in parties everywhere, party all day all night long. Well, being part of I SEOs is nice, because you do start helping out instantly, right. But on the other hand, doing seven parties, some in the afternoon, some of the nice, I'm in the after party nighttime, till six in the morning, gets draining. But also, it was a very different experience than I expected. But it was it was my pleasure to be able to help out to set up everything the slings the petition to create a Vaseline Alley in the back, you know, all of that kind of make the experience very different. But, I mean, I never got to see two avatars play space. That's how much work we were trying to throw into. But it was it was it was worth it.

Edge : 37:34

It doesn't sound like

Unknown: 37:39

people who know me would know I play enough. Work enough. And the play spaces is of course, it's extra. It'd be nice to see it. I think this coming year, actually, in 20 Something days, we'll get to do it all over again. Less is less than, like God, it's only retail. Oh, God. Wonderful. We are working very hard towards it.

Edge : 38:03

Can you give us a little bit of an insight for groups that are putting on an event at an event? What sort of things do you have to think about in terms of coordinating with the main event organizers or safety or supplies? What sort of things have y'all been?

Unknown: 38:21

Well, I'm one of the core members that I'm not one of the leading or founding members of the group. But I'm pretty much involved in a lot of the setup a lot of the discussion of how we're going to do it. I think part of why pastels la did very well in the last quality that was we were very true to ourselves. We know that we are some sexy kinky people to just enjoy the sex positive environment and that's how we all come together and created the space. I think we know that music is one very important part we I think Leo and another DJ of ours carry did an amazing job of facilitating the people but on the other hand Lazarus le like to have some instigator like myself to start the party to put it in a in the layman term way. Once the party there's some movement going on, and everybody kind of just either joining or they're realize oh, there is actually an alley in the back let me go one venture out and see what's happening. And how the party goes is like you know, people go venture and then they come back and then some more they go grab another drink, they go back and you know just enjoying themselves and in a very non judgmental way that just be happy. There is just the fun everywhere. There You can be really there on the dance floor. But you can also be right where the sling is. But also, there's also the back that you'd be like, Okay, well, I don't see your face. But if that's what you like, enjoy that. I'm, I think that's part of why it caters to a wide variety of people. And it's just fun in general.

Edge : 40:20

So I'm hearing have a variety of spaces for people who have different things from going to circulate. I'm hearing, have music, have drinks. And critically, I think for any sex party, you're right, like everyone just wants to stand around. And it takes someone to start and assembling as soon as someone starts and they feel like everybody has. Yeah, I

Unknown: 40:39

think I think for me, part of it is you still see the crowd kind of just a little bit more hands standoffish. But at some point, you know that they've gotten enough drinks in their, in their belly, you know that they are ready because you know, their hands are really circling just around the genitals. And it's just like someone somehow just need to take the lead and be like, Hey, by the way, you're ready, we're here, kind of like kind of that deal and and you know, Lego better to say it, we've done it at a lot of different parties. We've done it at Coin LA, we've done it at some Palm Springs, pool parties. It's it's a very interesting phenomenon, seeing people kind of just, oh, that's happening. I'm gonna get there. And boom, all of a sudden, you know, within 1015 minutes you've got you get that water while people in that play space. It's, it's it's an easy, easy way for you to do it. But it's necessary.

Edge : 41:42

Sounds like fun. Would you say that clause your favorite leather event? Are there other big letter events you've been to? And what was that like for you?

Unknown: 41:52

So since last claw la we also did dark lens out in on top in Belgium. That one is for me, it was mind blowing. background story I'm also burner I go to Burning Man and and understand the magnitude of 100,000 people to flock into a city and do all that for a week. But the magnitude of the event at dark lens was mind blowing because the first thing you walk into is a 6000 locker locker room. And it was it was just Whoa. And whoa, and you keep walking, there's boy and keep walking, there's more. And not only that is that that is just the appetizer of it. And then you go through the dance floor they have, they have fireworks, they have water features, they have lights, they have good music, it's all of that but on the other hand, you keep going there is play space, there's different kinky play space, there is a fishing area, there's a pissing area that got a mezzanine on the top that you know you got there. And when people are like so

Edge : 43:10

ready to be like, Ah,

Unknown: 43:12

it's it's it's another dimension that that I've never seen until then. And also. Also the people are just so very nice. There's also the differences of kings that that I have not been exposed to. You know, you have the robber people you have the uniform people you have The Letter People you also have circuit people but also there are puppies, there are bears but then one that I've never I've never seen before was like one night towards the end of the it was a last night. The music was coming down and I started hearing a cat meowing in the background. I I turned to my partner, I'm 21 I'm like hey, do you just hear a cat? He's like, You're crazy. Like, why would there be again? I'm like, okay, maybe I'm just too much and this is the end of the party and I am just having too much fun. Lo and behold when the party was dead silence There's this guy legs up on the on the rail and he's just I don't know it was he or she or it because I believe that he or she identify as a Katy because the that's where the male is coming from just getting railed and in having as much fun as he was. I was like okay, well, there is another thing that I've never heard of, and I've never exposed to and there it is.

Edge : 44:51

It's good to keep in mind the critter community is a lot more than just pops. You described herself as leather adjacent and has that issue for you in going to the sort of leather events, have you ever felt excluded or out of place? Or how welcoming Have you found them.

Unknown: 45:10

Um, the reason I identify as litter Jason, I always say, I do not have a title, I'm not a title holder. And I at this point where my life is, I am not intending to, to run for title in that sort. Um, but however, I do enjoy the wearing leather, of course, but also I think I look good at them, that are part of the house also think the smell, the texture of it, the feel of it, it's something that I really like, and I resonate very well with it. Rolling around with little people, for me is is not a difficult task. I think. I I tried to start everything with a smile. And that makes everything easier. And later people are not very different from any other people or any other groups of people. Because bottom line is we we were all marginalized at one point. And the idea of banding together as a group, being a, a more effective voice, or whatever, to me is important. And, and that's just how the group was very welcoming. For me, at least for myself. Most of my friends that in the either in the letter world or the the extension of the kink world, everybody was just as friendly as you could possibly find out in the whole wide world.

Edge : 46:50

I love that tip to smile, because I feel like if you're at one of these events, it can be you can be terrified because it can be so intimidating. But when you smile, you're instantly approachable. And I never smiles that's a great, I would never think of that tip it wouldn't occur to me. Do you have other tips based on your experience for people going to an event for the first time? Maybe things to pack or things you make sure you should do? Or what would you recommend to someone who's thinking about going to their first big leather event.

Unknown: 47:20

Um, big first big literary event, like the episodes that you've done before, you know what little pieces to start, right start with those couple pieces, mix and match all of them, where whatever that you feel the most comfortable. For me, that's, that's one of the most important part. The day that I'm looking at the mirror and I walk into the closet is like, well, there are days that it is freezing, but all I want to wear is a harness, there are days that is hot, to to the balls, and I would just want it to have that this that is sticking on my body and not breathable, just so tight that I'm like, I know I'm going to sweat too much underneath this. But that's what you feel like where that. Bring that. That is the things that you want to be with, you know, try something new. When you're at a local bar, go, go go to a big literary event with the stuff that you're the most comfortable with. Were the most comfortable letter pair of boots that you can have. Although there's no leather boots that's comfortable. Bring things that you feel sexy in. Not everything that I wear. I always feels like the end but you know, bring those couple ones that at that time at the weight that you're in, and we're how big your arms is. Were that one that you feel sexy. To me, I think yeah, comfortable is is is the key word for me.

Edge : 48:52

I love that tip about boots because at an event you stand a lot, like there's not a lot of seating at Airventure walking around the market. You're walking around the lobby. So make sure your boots are comfortable because you're standing.

Unknown: 49:10

But also you know how maybe sometimes when you go to tea dance, you don't need the booze you just need comfortable running shoes at your tea dance but go back to your night events with boots. That way you know you get your feet some rest. It is always nice to get it all mixed in together. So you're not awfully in boots, but you know to everybody's taste. Some people just wear boots all day long. My partner Esteban he wants to wear his boots all day long. And I'm like, I don't know how you deal with it. But yeah, running shoes is a good alternative at some time.

Edge : 49:43

I always bring a pair of tennis shoes in case I want to run out to dinner or certainly for being on the plane. I do think it's important to have that extra little change to give your feet a rest. Are there any events you've heard about that you would love to attend Sunday? Is there anything on your bucket list? for events

Unknown: 50:02

right now, definitely ml leather. I have heard of it. Apparently I have bought tickets. I bought a book the room I did the whole nine yards. But pandemic happened? It, it stopped me from going. And then the last one, I think, was it canceled or whatever it might have happened. But

Edge : 50:28

it was filled with Delta, nobody went to it. So we're about to go void.

Unknown: 50:31

Right. So so never made it. So that would be one that I would definitely want it to go. But also that's that's one of the events that's right around my birthday.

Edge : 50:43

So what's your birthday?

Unknown: 50:47

January 24?

Edge : 50:49

Oh, wow, what a great way to celebrate your birthday, though, to go to great big events that you've wanted to and got prevented to go into before? Are you going in 2023

Unknown: 50:59

There is currently a lot of traveling plans being either planned already or renew it is going to happen and we got to spend some time and you know, having a corporate job. vacation days are limited. Yeah,

Edge : 51:17

I will say attendee that some of the really bigger events are kind of on holiday weekends, like IML is ever Memorial Day. That's one free day or or claw LA's on Thanksgiving. That's one free day, because I do think that question of time off from work is something you need to consider.

Unknown: 51:35

But one thing is because Mark is happening and dark lens is already booked. So yeah, it's going to be a little bit of traveling next year. So that's why ml might have to wait for another year,

Edge : 51:52

do you feel like dark lands is something you'd love to get back to every year? Um,

Unknown: 51:59

start lens has is very, very, very attractive package, it is really an event for anyone and everyone because it's just everything is there. And, um, I'd always love to travel in Europe, because you know, I have not spent enough time in that continent. So yeah, I wouldn't say every year but this year we are maybe we're going to take break for two, three years. Birdman is another thing that I tried to go every year. So it was like, well, there's the time there, there's a time here, really need to budget all of that.

Edge : 52:41

It is about budgeting. And it is about planning ahead and thinking about what are you doing in 2023. At this point, I will say you know, Darklands is, is really coming up as an event. I mean, I barely heard of it a couple years ago. And now people are talking about it all the time, because it's so excellent the way you described it, that there's something for everyone, that it's a huge space and it's a comfortable space and it's a welcoming space. So I put it on my radar I hope to get there someday so thanks for sharing about dark lands Yeah, yeah, of

Unknown: 53:12

course we've we've heard of it from from a bunch of La people that hey, they went in there came back they're like this is something that you gotta go this is very different from anything that we have here. And for me reference point, I only have Folsom and Folsom is a wonderful street fair, but is a definitely very different environment when it's out there in Belgium.

Edge : 53:38

I'm sure is there anything else you'd like to share with our audience about events, many tips guidelines, plugs for upcoming things.

Unknown: 53:48

I would say I don't have any tips or guidelines but I always tell people you know what, just try to go up smile talk to people, you know if if they don't respond well sure move on. And I mean this just life right? And I do I do suggest people to go to local events. When there's a call la you know, you don't have to be going to the whole event if you're living in the you know, elements entity and go to a night go to two days go to a class or something like that, that that you know, if you're interested, try to see if you really like it. You don't have to throw yourself in and commit on a four day weekend and booked the room and whatnot. You could but it's not necessary. But also claw LA is coming up again, like you said two weeks. Passes. La once again is throwing in a lot of different parties. Tune in we're gonna have some interesting things for everybody. We're about to start the marketing

Edge : 54:59

of All of it sounds exciting. Unfortunately, this won't actually come out until December. So I hope everyone checked out those parties because they sound great. Oh, I forgot about it. That's my fault. Don't worry about it. So Ricky, I am so thrilled to have this conversation with you. I love particularly the way you talked about leather. People are just human, and you should just go up and talk to them. And it shouldn't be a scary thing. I think that's a beautiful takeaway for people from this interview.

Unknown: 55:28

Listen, even if they don't smile, they're also nice people. They just, you know, they just don't smile.

Edge : 55:35

I don't smile, but I'm a nice person.

Unknown: 55:40

You're a fantastic person.

Edge : 55:42

Oh my god. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you so much for joining us on Fool cow. Thanks a lot. Thank you. And that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for joining me, please consider subscribing or you can send feedback to edge at forecast dot show. As always, may your leather journey be blessed