{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1.11,"endTime":4.38,"body":"Welcome to full cow, a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1.11,"endTime":4.38,"body":"podcast about leather kink and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":4.38,"endTime":8.94,"body":"BDSM. My name is edge My"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":4.38,"endTime":8.94,"body":"pronouns are he him, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":8.94,"endTime":13.35,"body":"your host. And this is another"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":8.94,"endTime":13.35,"body":"interlude, the episode between"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":13.35,"endTime":17.7,"body":"episodes offered raw and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":13.35,"endTime":17.7,"body":"unedited, but with leather"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":17.7,"endTime":23.01,"body":"creaking. And I have to admit,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":17.7,"endTime":23.01,"body":"even though I claim this is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":23.01,"endTime":27.72,"body":"offered raw, which is fairly"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":23.01,"endTime":27.72,"body":"true, it is also true that this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":27.72,"endTime":32.97,"body":"is I think, the fourth time I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":27.72,"endTime":32.97,"body":"have started this interlude,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":33.3,"endTime":37.35,"body":"because I'm finding it very"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":33.3,"endTime":37.35,"body":"difficult to talk about this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":37.35,"endTime":40.71,"body":"topic, not because I find it a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":37.35,"endTime":40.71,"body":"difficult, I'm finding it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":40.71,"endTime":44.19,"body":"difficult to find the words,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":40.71,"endTime":44.19,"body":"right. It's not like, Oh, this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":44.19,"endTime":47.85,"body":"is something shameful or hard to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":44.19,"endTime":47.85,"body":"talk about. It's simply, I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":47.85,"endTime":50.85,"body":"trying to express something and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":47.85,"endTime":50.85,"body":"I'm stumbling. And so I keep"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":50.85,"endTime":55.32,"body":"starting over. So I'm just going"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":50.85,"endTime":55.32,"body":"to commit to keeping this tape"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":55.35,"endTime":58.77,"body":"no matter how good or bad it is,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":55.35,"endTime":58.77,"body":"that's going to be an"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":58.77,"endTime":62.4,"body":"interesting experience for you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":58.77,"endTime":62.4,"body":"as a listener, there may be a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":62.4,"endTime":67.62,"body":"lot more flubs, and a lot more"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":62.4,"endTime":67.62,"body":"pauses, because I really do want"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":67.62,"endTime":72.06,"body":"to invite you into a real time"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":67.62,"endTime":72.06,"body":"process of my thinking on this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":72.06,"endTime":77.52,"body":"topic. And that topic is the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":72.06,"endTime":77.52,"body":"fact that at this point in time,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":77.97,"endTime":82.53,"body":"I feel disconnected from my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":77.97,"endTime":82.53,"body":"leather. And to give you a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":82.53,"endTime":85.26,"body":"reference point, I'm recording"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":82.53,"endTime":85.26,"body":"this on Sunday, February"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":85.26,"endTime":91.29,"body":"26 2023. And I offer that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":85.26,"endTime":91.29,"body":"because by the time you listen"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":91.29,"endTime":94.62,"body":"to this, in the middle of March,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":91.29,"endTime":94.62,"body":"there's a very good chance I'll"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":94.62,"endTime":98.19,"body":"be in a different place. So I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":94.62,"endTime":98.19,"body":"want to really kind of route"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":98.19,"endTime":103.32,"body":"this in this moment. Now, when I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":98.19,"endTime":103.32,"body":"say I'm not connected to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":103.32,"endTime":107.28,"body":"leather, I do not mean I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":103.32,"endTime":107.28,"body":"feeling depressed, my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":107.28,"endTime":110.82,"body":"antidepressants are actually"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":107.28,"endTime":110.82,"body":"working great. My overall mood"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":110.82,"endTime":115.23,"body":"is good. And I'm extraordinarily"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":110.82,"endTime":115.23,"body":"content with my life as a whole."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":116.01,"endTime":120.12,"body":"Nor do I mean to say simply that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":116.01,"endTime":120.12,"body":"I'm not horny, you know, my sex"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":120.12,"endTime":124.14,"body":"drive can be very variable. I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":120.12,"endTime":124.14,"body":"used to that. I don't mind it,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":124.14,"endTime":128.61,"body":"it's actually a bit of a relief"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":124.14,"endTime":128.61,"body":"most of the times, but corny and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":128.61,"endTime":132.57,"body":"connected to leather are two"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":128.61,"endTime":132.57,"body":"different internal feelings that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":132.57,"endTime":136.08,"body":"are not necessarily linked"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":132.57,"endTime":136.08,"body":"together. There are times for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":136.2,"endTime":139.53,"body":"I'm 40, and not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":136.2,"endTime":139.53,"body":"feeling my leather. And there"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":139.53,"endTime":142.59,"body":"are far more times when I feel"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":139.53,"endTime":142.59,"body":"connected to my leather. But I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":142.59,"endTime":145.71,"body":"not horny. In fact, that's sort"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":142.59,"endTime":145.71,"body":"of what am I default modes"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":145.71,"endTime":150.24,"body":"connected to leather, but not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":145.71,"endTime":150.24,"body":"warranty. To give you a sense of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":150.24,"endTime":154.2,"body":"what I mean, when I say I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":150.24,"endTime":154.2,"body":"feel connected to my leather."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":154.44,"endTime":158.01,"body":"I'll give you a few examples."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":154.44,"endTime":158.01,"body":"First of all, I've not booked"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":158.04,"endTime":162.75,"body":"any leather travel at all this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":158.04,"endTime":162.75,"body":"year, not claw, not IML not any"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":162.75,"endTime":167.31,"body":"events. Because I'm just not at"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":162.75,"endTime":167.31,"body":"the moment interested in being"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":167.31,"endTime":172.05,"body":"though in those spaces. I also"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":167.31,"endTime":172.05,"body":"have a number, my own number, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":172.05,"endTime":176.19,"body":"have a couple of local boys that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":172.05,"endTime":176.19,"body":"I've been in conversation with."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":176.19,"endTime":180.15,"body":"And I've let this conversations"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":176.19,"endTime":180.15,"body":"go quiet. And it has nothing to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":180.15,"endTime":183.75,"body":"deal with those boys. It has"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":180.15,"endTime":183.75,"body":"everything to do with this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":183.75,"endTime":188.43,"body":"feeling of not being connected"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":183.75,"endTime":188.43,"body":"to my mother. And last night, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":188.43,"endTime":192.09,"body":"actually had to go to ramrod"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":188.43,"endTime":192.09,"body":"because I have to speak to the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":192.09,"endTime":195.24,"body":"bar manager because we want to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":192.09,"endTime":195.24,"body":"do a bluff event at ramrodded I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":195.24,"endTime":199.26,"body":"agate get it cleared with the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":195.24,"endTime":199.26,"body":"bar. But I didn't want to gear"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":199.26,"endTime":203.43,"body":"up I didn't want to stay for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":199.26,"endTime":203.43,"body":"cigars. So I went in tank top"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":203.43,"endTime":208.14,"body":"and shorts because we can do"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":203.43,"endTime":208.14,"body":"that in February in Florida and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":208.14,"endTime":211.26,"body":"tennis shoes and spoke to the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":208.14,"endTime":211.26,"body":"bar manager and then came back."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":212.25,"endTime":218.19,"body":"So I mean, when I say I'm not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":212.25,"endTime":218.19,"body":"feeling my leather, I mean that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":218.19,"endTime":224.04,"body":"I am not motivated to be in it."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":218.19,"endTime":224.04,"body":"And when I am in it, it feels"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":224.19,"endTime":227.19,"body":"like a piece of clothing. Right"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":224.19,"endTime":227.19,"body":"now obviously I'm wearing my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":227.22,"endTime":230.7,"body":"Langlands padded pocket Columbia"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":227.22,"endTime":230.7,"body":"jacket, because that is what's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":230.7,"endTime":234.3,"body":"generating all these beautiful"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":230.7,"endTime":234.3,"body":"creepy things. And it just feels"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":234.3,"endTime":240.09,"body":"like I'm wearing a jacket. All"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":234.3,"endTime":240.09,"body":"of this is also to say that the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":240.12,"endTime":245.25,"body":"inverse is true that often I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":240.12,"endTime":245.25,"body":"feel a special connection to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":245.25,"endTime":249.84,"body":"leather and and that operates in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":245.25,"endTime":249.84,"body":"a couple of different registers."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":249.84,"endTime":254.04,"body":"So first of all, it means that I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":249.84,"endTime":254.04,"body":"actual feel, actually feel a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":254.04,"endTime":258.66,"body":"connection to my gear. And if"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":254.04,"endTime":258.66,"body":"you've listened to my contents"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":258.66,"endTime":262.08,"body":"in general, you know, I have an"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":258.66,"endTime":262.08,"body":"on again off again relationship"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":262.08,"endTime":266.64,"body":"with things that are woowoo that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":262.08,"endTime":266.64,"body":"I both want to discount them and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":266.64,"endTime":270.33,"body":"stay rational but that I often"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":266.64,"endTime":270.33,"body":"have a part of me that's really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":270.33,"endTime":275.1,"body":"quite woowoo and my connection"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":270.33,"endTime":275.1,"body":"to my gear is part of that I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":275.22,"endTime":284.43,"body":"feel connected. There's a thread"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":275.22,"endTime":284.43,"body":"that binds that gear to me as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":284.43,"endTime":289.83,"body":"though it has a spirit and that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":284.43,"endTime":289.83,"body":"spirit comes to touch me. I come"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":289.83,"endTime":293.31,"body":"to touch it. I don't know what"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":289.83,"endTime":293.31,"body":"but I feel there's a physical"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":293.73,"endTime":298.95,"body":"connection. It's it's it's not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":293.73,"endTime":298.95,"body":"material, but it's substantial."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":298.98,"endTime":304.02,"body":"There is a physical Next to my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":298.98,"endTime":304.02,"body":"gear. But when I say that I feel"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":304.08,"endTime":308.19,"body":"most of the time connected to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":304.08,"endTime":308.19,"body":"leather, I'm also talking about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":308.22,"endTime":312.03,"body":"the larger connection to the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":308.22,"endTime":312.03,"body":"community as a whole. And I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":312.03,"endTime":316.32,"body":"don't even just mean, the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":312.03,"endTime":316.32,"body":"community as a group of people."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":316.56,"endTime":320.1,"body":"I mean, this sort of abstract"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":316.56,"endTime":320.1,"body":"sense of the community of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":320.1,"endTime":325.26,"body":"leather, which is the traditions"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":320.1,"endTime":325.26,"body":"that I respect the history that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":325.26,"endTime":330.54,"body":"I have the people that I know,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":325.26,"endTime":330.54,"body":"it is the community writ large,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":330.84,"endTime":334.59,"body":"and that when I feel connected"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":330.84,"endTime":334.59,"body":"to leather, I feel part and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":334.59,"endTime":338.04,"body":"parcel a participant in that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":334.59,"endTime":338.04,"body":"community. And that's not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":338.04,"endTime":340.14,"body":"something I feel right now."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":338.04,"endTime":340.14,"body":"Actually, it's one of the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":340.14,"endTime":343.59,"body":"reasons I'm a little quiet on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":340.14,"endTime":343.59,"body":"social media as well. I know"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":343.59,"endTime":347.04,"body":"what my next video series is, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":343.59,"endTime":347.04,"body":"want to do a deep dive on boots."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":347.34,"endTime":353.04,"body":"But I just haven't felt like"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":347.34,"endTime":353.04,"body":"starting it. I'm not concerned"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":353.07,"endTime":356.25,"body":"by any of this. There have been"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":353.07,"endTime":356.25,"body":"many points in my life where I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":356.25,"endTime":359.85,"body":"simply didn't feel connected to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":356.25,"endTime":359.85,"body":"leather. And that's one of the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":359.85,"endTime":364.26,"body":"reasons I wanted to talk about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":359.85,"endTime":364.26,"body":"it in this interlude, because I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":364.26,"endTime":368.46,"body":"have to imagine my experience is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":364.26,"endTime":368.46,"body":"not unique. And there may be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":368.55,"endTime":372.69,"body":"other people out there, maybe"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":368.55,"endTime":372.69,"body":"you right? That you may not be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":372.69,"endTime":376.89,"body":"feeling connected to leather,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":372.69,"endTime":376.89,"body":"you may feel a little distant"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":376.89,"endTime":382.02,"body":"from it, you may feel that it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":376.89,"endTime":382.02,"body":"doesn't have the same that it"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":382.02,"endTime":385.98,"body":"used to. I don't know what that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":382.02,"endTime":385.98,"body":"sound was, I told you raw and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":385.98,"endTime":392.64,"body":"unedited. Here's the good news."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":385.98,"endTime":392.64,"body":"I always reconnect with leather,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":393.24,"endTime":397.71,"body":"I have come to trust that it is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":393.24,"endTime":397.71,"body":"so integral A part of me so"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":397.71,"endTime":401.91,"body":"authentically who I am, that I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":397.71,"endTime":401.91,"body":"can go through these periods of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":401.91,"endTime":405.75,"body":"disconnection I can, I can go"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":401.91,"endTime":405.75,"body":"through periods of distance"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":406.05,"endTime":410.67,"body":"without the fear of loss. So if"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":406.05,"endTime":410.67,"body":"you're in a place in your life,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":410.67,"endTime":413.46,"body":"where you're feeling a little"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":410.67,"endTime":413.46,"body":"disconnected from leather, or"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":413.46,"endTime":418.65,"body":"kink, or BDSM, or whatever your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":413.46,"endTime":418.65,"body":"thing is, I want to give you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":418.65,"endTime":422.82,"body":"some hope that my experience at"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":418.65,"endTime":422.82,"body":"least suggests that I do return"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":422.82,"endTime":429.24,"body":"to it in time. There's a very"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":422.82,"endTime":429.24,"body":"real sense to in which I never"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":429.24,"endTime":436.5,"body":"not connected to leather. I am a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":429.24,"endTime":436.5,"body":"leather person wherever I show"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":436.5,"endTime":440.25,"body":"up in my life, even when I'm at"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":436.5,"endTime":440.25,"body":"work, or I'm at the grocery"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":440.25,"endTime":443.79,"body":"store, and I'm wearing a tank"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":440.25,"endTime":443.79,"body":"top and shorts in February,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":443.79,"endTime":447.42,"body":"because we can do that in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":443.79,"endTime":447.42,"body":"Florida. At every point in time"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":447.42,"endTime":451.74,"body":"I show up as another man because"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":447.42,"endTime":451.74,"body":"I bring the values of another"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":451.74,"endTime":456.18,"body":"person, I bring the practices of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":451.74,"endTime":456.18,"body":"another person, I bring the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":456.18,"endTime":460.59,"body":"comportment of a leopard person."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":456.18,"endTime":460.59,"body":"Everywhere I go, it's in how I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":460.59,"endTime":464.28,"body":"walk. And it's in how I carry"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":460.59,"endTime":464.28,"body":"myself. It's in how I treat"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":464.31,"endTime":468.84,"body":"others, and it's in how I speak."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":464.31,"endTime":468.84,"body":"So it's not as though I'm ever"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":469.14,"endTime":473.07,"body":"truly disconnected from it,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":469.14,"endTime":473.07,"body":"because it is an integral part"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":473.07,"endTime":476.85,"body":"of me. But I think it's a little"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":473.07,"endTime":476.85,"body":"bit I think it's a little bit"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":476.85,"endTime":481.77,"body":"like a symphony. So in honor my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":476.85,"endTime":481.77,"body":"boy, I'm gonna say the leather"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":481.77,"endTime":487.44,"body":"part of me is a bassoon. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":481.77,"endTime":487.44,"body":"right now the entire symphony is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":487.44,"endTime":490.56,"body":"playing, but the bassoons a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":487.44,"endTime":490.56,"body":"little quiet. So it's still in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":490.56,"endTime":494.58,"body":"there, it's still making the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":490.56,"endTime":494.58,"body":"music, which is my life, but so"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":494.58,"endTime":498.24,"body":"are other parts of me, the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":494.58,"endTime":498.24,"body":"recovery part of me, the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":498.24,"endTime":501.93,"body":"romantic part of me, the friend,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":498.24,"endTime":501.93,"body":"part of me, the silly part of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":501.93,"endTime":505.65,"body":"me, all the parts of me are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":501.93,"endTime":505.65,"body":"contributing themselves equally."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":506.43,"endTime":510.96,"body":"And then there will be parts of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":506.43,"endTime":510.96,"body":"my symphony of life, where the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":510.96,"endTime":515.16,"body":"bassoon becomes predominant,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":510.96,"endTime":515.16,"body":"where you can hear it, playing"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":515.16,"endTime":519.81,"body":"tively over the rest of the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":515.16,"endTime":519.81,"body":"instruments. And there are times"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":519.81,"endTime":523.62,"body":"when the bassoon has nothing to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":519.81,"endTime":523.62,"body":"play, and other instruments are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":523.62,"endTime":528.48,"body":"making the music. So that gives"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":523.62,"endTime":528.48,"body":"me a sense of both all these"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":528.48,"endTime":531.69,"body":"parts of me and how they work"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":528.48,"endTime":531.69,"body":"together. And it gives me a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":531.69,"endTime":535.83,"body":"sense that even if I don't hear"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":531.69,"endTime":535.83,"body":"leather, you don't see it. If I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":535.83,"endTime":539.4,"body":"don't feel the connection to my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":535.83,"endTime":539.4,"body":"gear or to the community. That"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":539.4,"endTime":543.03,"body":"doesn't mean it's gone. It just"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":539.4,"endTime":543.03,"body":"means that it's quiet right now."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":544.47,"endTime":549.0,"body":"I tend to believe everything"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":544.47,"endTime":549.0,"body":"happens for a reason. That is my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":549.0,"endTime":553.38,"body":"own personal belief influenced"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":549.0,"endTime":553.38,"body":"by my 12 step recovery. And so I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":553.38,"endTime":559.32,"body":"have to believe that this period"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":553.38,"endTime":559.32,"body":"of quiet has reason. I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":559.32,"endTime":562.77,"body":"know what it is, and I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":559.32,"endTime":562.77,"body":"have to know what it is. I only"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":562.77,"endTime":566.52,"body":"know this, I will return to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":562.77,"endTime":566.52,"body":"leather. It is so much a part of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":566.52,"endTime":570.39,"body":"who I am that there's no"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":566.52,"endTime":570.39,"body":"avoiding it. In the meantime,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":570.42,"endTime":573.84,"body":"I'm still focused on many parts"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":570.42,"endTime":573.84,"body":"of my life. I've been really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":573.84,"endTime":579.39,"body":"extraordinarily social upfront"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":573.84,"endTime":579.39,"body":"introvert almost to social and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":579.45,"endTime":583.17,"body":"I've been certainly enjoying"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":579.45,"endTime":583.17,"body":"that. And it's been fulfilling,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":583.35,"endTime":587.55,"body":"but it is probably displacing"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":583.35,"endTime":587.55,"body":"some overall patterns of energy"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":587.85,"endTime":592.26,"body":"that might otherwise be put into"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":587.85,"endTime":592.26,"body":"leather. I am spending a lot of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":592.26,"endTime":596.19,"body":"time with people and people who"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":592.26,"endTime":596.19,"body":"are important to me. And that is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":596.19,"endTime":599.97,"body":"beautiful and fulfilling. But"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":596.19,"endTime":599.97,"body":"again, we'll change the story"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":600.0,"endTime":601.95,"body":"Have Symphony inside."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":603.389,"endTime":606.899,"body":"Now I also know that there are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":603.389,"endTime":606.899,"body":"some contextual factors that are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":606.899,"endTime":611.729,"body":"in operation right now. I know"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":606.899,"endTime":611.729,"body":"for a fact that at the moment I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":611.729,"endTime":616.589,"body":"testosterone is low. I've simply"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":611.729,"endTime":616.589,"body":"chosen not to do anything about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":616.589,"endTime":621.089,"body":"it right now. I'll be seeing my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":616.589,"endTime":621.089,"body":"doctor in about a month, and I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":621.089,"endTime":625.559,"body":"will talk to her about it then."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":621.089,"endTime":625.559,"body":"But for the moment, I don't feel"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":625.559,"endTime":630.449,"body":"the need to do testosterone"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":625.559,"endTime":630.449,"body":"replacement therapy today. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":630.449,"endTime":634.439,"body":"in part, that's because I know"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":630.449,"endTime":634.439,"body":"that while there's probably some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":634.439,"endTime":638.429,"body":"factor some relationship between"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":634.439,"endTime":638.429,"body":"the levels of my testosterone"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":638.789,"endTime":642.779,"body":"and my connection to leather and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":638.789,"endTime":642.779,"body":"my horniness, I know from lived"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":642.779,"endTime":646.769,"body":"experience that those three"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":642.779,"endTime":646.769,"body":"things, hormones, horniness,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":646.829,"endTime":651.299,"body":"leather, are three"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":646.829,"endTime":651.299,"body":"interdependent things, that they"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":651.299,"endTime":654.269,"body":"have some impact on each other,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":651.299,"endTime":654.269,"body":"but they also have quite a bit"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":654.269,"endTime":658.919,"body":"of independence from each other."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":654.269,"endTime":658.919,"body":"So there'll be times where I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":658.919,"endTime":662.129,"body":"know my testosterone is really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":658.919,"endTime":662.129,"body":"quite healthy, but I'm still not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":662.129,"endTime":665.369,"body":"horny. Still not connected to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":662.129,"endTime":665.369,"body":"leather. And there will be times"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":665.369,"endTime":668.159,"body":"when I feel very connected to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":665.369,"endTime":668.159,"body":"leather, but I know my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":668.159,"endTime":672.179,"body":"testosterone is low. And I'm not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":668.159,"endTime":672.179,"body":"only right, these things are"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":672.179,"endTime":677.099,"body":"interrelated, but they are not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":672.179,"endTime":677.099,"body":"linearly related. It's not like"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":677.099,"endTime":680.609,"body":"one makes the it's not like, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":677.099,"endTime":680.609,"body":"if I get my testosterone, right,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":680.609,"endTime":683.519,"body":"that I will be horny that I will"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":680.609,"endTime":683.519,"body":"be into leather, it doesn't work"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":683.519,"endTime":688.829,"body":"that way. For me. A second"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":683.519,"endTime":688.829,"body":"contextual factor is the fact"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":688.829,"endTime":692.339,"body":"that I'm doing not just a lot of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":688.829,"endTime":692.339,"body":"social plans, I'm doing a lot of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":692.339,"endTime":696.179,"body":"traveling in the first part of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":692.339,"endTime":696.179,"body":"this year. And in fact, I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":696.179,"endTime":699.959,"body":"gonna be gone for what feels"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":696.179,"endTime":699.959,"body":"like most of March. That's an"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":699.959,"endTime":706.619,"body":"exaggeration, but not entirely"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":699.959,"endTime":706.619,"body":"an exaggeration. And that is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":706.619,"endTime":710.729,"body":"exhausting. For me, I am"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":706.619,"endTime":710.729,"body":"essentially a homebody home is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":710.729,"endTime":714.539,"body":"sanctuary Home is where I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":710.729,"endTime":714.539,"body":"recharge, and to be away from"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":714.539,"endTime":719.339,"body":"home and to deal with airports,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":714.539,"endTime":719.339,"body":"and packing and Ubers. And all"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":719.339,"endTime":723.599,"body":"of that can be quite tiring to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":719.339,"endTime":723.599,"body":"me. Certainly, that's one"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":723.599,"endTime":727.949,"body":"reason, I think that I've not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":723.599,"endTime":727.949,"body":"booked claw or IML, or any"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":727.949,"endTime":732.539,"body":"letter events right now, because"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":727.949,"endTime":732.539,"body":"I just can't bear the thought of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":732.539,"endTime":737.489,"body":"more travel. Another contextual"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":732.539,"endTime":737.489,"body":"factor is the fact that, you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":737.489,"endTime":741.269,"body":"know, I am being reflective"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":737.489,"endTime":741.269,"body":"about relationships and what I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":741.269,"endTime":744.629,"body":"want in relationship, and if I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":741.269,"endTime":744.629,"body":"want a relationship, and who I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":744.629,"endTime":748.649,"body":"might want a relationship with,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":744.629,"endTime":748.649,"body":"and that requires a different"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":748.649,"endTime":752.729,"body":"sort of focus in my life right"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":748.649,"endTime":752.729,"body":"now. So I'm investing energy in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":752.729,"endTime":757.349,"body":"some different places, with some"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":752.729,"endTime":757.349,"body":"people to see what will come of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":757.349,"endTime":761.069,"body":"it. That's a contextual factor"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":757.349,"endTime":761.069,"body":"as well. But again, it is not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":761.099,"endTime":765.869,"body":"the factor. So I understand that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":761.099,"endTime":765.869,"body":"there are many things going on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":765.869,"endTime":770.579,"body":"in my life, why don't we"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":765.869,"endTime":770.579,"body":"surprise everyone? You, me,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":770.609,"endTime":773.429,"body":"everyone, there's a lot of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":770.609,"endTime":773.429,"body":"things going on in our lives."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":774.029,"endTime":778.319,"body":"And I understand that some of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":774.029,"endTime":778.319,"body":"these are creating a context"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":778.319,"endTime":782.789,"body":"where I may not feel connected"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":778.319,"endTime":782.789,"body":"to leather. And, but I also"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":782.789,"endTime":786.539,"body":"understand that there's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":782.789,"endTime":786.539,"body":"something else, there's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":786.539,"endTime":790.949,"body":"something else, it's not as"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":786.539,"endTime":790.949,"body":"though, if I had a boyfriend, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":790.949,"endTime":793.859,"body":"would be connected leather, if I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":790.949,"endTime":793.859,"body":"weren't traveling with I would"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":793.859,"endTime":796.709,"body":"be connected to leather, if my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":793.859,"endTime":796.709,"body":"hormones were right, right,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":796.709,"endTime":802.109,"body":"there's no single factor. This,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":796.709,"endTime":802.109,"body":"for me is part of the sacred"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":802.109,"endTime":806.369,"body":"mystery that I connect to my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":802.109,"endTime":806.369,"body":"sexual kink, which, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":806.369,"endTime":809.639,"body":"talked about some in the episode"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":806.369,"endTime":809.639,"body":"on spirituality and really is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":809.789,"endTime":814.199,"body":"far more woowoo that I would"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":809.789,"endTime":814.199,"body":"ever want to admit that that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":814.199,"endTime":821.669,"body":"there's, there's something"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":814.199,"endTime":821.669,"body":"special, there's something holy,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":821.729,"endTime":824.999,"body":"I'm going to use that word,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":821.729,"endTime":824.999,"body":"there's something holy about"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":824.999,"endTime":831.059,"body":"leather and kink to me. And, and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":824.999,"endTime":831.059,"body":"it exists independent. It is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":831.059,"endTime":834.239,"body":"bigger than me and I touch it,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":831.059,"endTime":834.239,"body":"but it is independent of me. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":834.239,"endTime":839.279,"body":"therefore, no single factor in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":834.239,"endTime":839.279,"body":"my life can control that outcome"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":839.279,"endTime":843.599,"body":"can make that happen or not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":839.279,"endTime":843.599,"body":"happen. So while I want to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":843.599,"endTime":847.469,"body":"recognize all the contextual"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":843.599,"endTime":847.469,"body":"factors, when I want to realize"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":847.949,"endTime":850.559,"body":"all the things that could be"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":847.949,"endTime":850.559,"body":"going on that would create a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":850.559,"endTime":855.119,"body":"context where I am not connected"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":850.559,"endTime":855.119,"body":"to leather. It's something else,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":855.149,"endTime":859.109,"body":"it's the leather itself. I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":855.149,"endTime":859.109,"body":"know, it's me in relation to the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":859.109,"endTime":864.119,"body":"leather. I don't know. Here's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":859.109,"endTime":864.119,"body":"the beauty. I don't need to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":864.119,"endTime":867.809,"body":"know, I don't need to know why"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":864.119,"endTime":867.809,"body":"this is going on. And I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":867.809,"endTime":871.079,"body":"have to worry that it's a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":867.809,"endTime":871.079,"body":"permanent change. What I've"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":871.079,"endTime":874.859,"body":"learned to do is really in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":871.079,"endTime":874.859,"body":"general, that's what I do is I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":874.889,"endTime":879.389,"body":"honor where I'm at. That sounds"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":874.889,"endTime":879.389,"body":"pretty woowoo too, I understand"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":879.389,"endTime":883.799,"body":"and very kind of New Age"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":879.389,"endTime":883.799,"body":"therapy. But for me, what I have"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":883.799,"endTime":888.449,"body":"found is that if I can't change"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":883.799,"endTime":888.449,"body":"a thing, the best thing to do is"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":888.449,"endTime":892.589,"body":"sit and experience a thing. And"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":888.449,"endTime":892.589,"body":"a lot of times that means when"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":892.589,"endTime":897.119,"body":"I'm sad, I just have to feel"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":892.589,"endTime":897.119,"body":"sad. When I'm joyous. I have to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":897.119,"endTime":899.999,"body":"feel joyous right? I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":897.119,"endTime":899.999,"body":"diminish my emotions. I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":899.999,"endTime":903.569,"body":"push them to the side, I don't"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":899.999,"endTime":903.569,"body":"lock them away, because my"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":903.569,"endTime":906.809,"body":"experience is that doesn't solve"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":903.569,"endTime":906.809,"body":"anything. And then they just"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":906.809,"endTime":909.779,"body":"come back later in some horrible"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":906.809,"endTime":909.779,"body":"form, but I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":909.779,"endTime":914.249,"body":"experience them. And so I like"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":909.779,"endTime":914.249,"body":"to use the phrase, the only way"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":914.279,"endTime":918.029,"body":"out is through the only way out"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":914.279,"endTime":918.029,"body":"of something like sadness is to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":918.029,"endTime":922.169,"body":"feel all the sadness into it's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":918.029,"endTime":922.169,"body":"all been felt. There's something"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":922.169,"endTime":927.209,"body":"similar going on here, that that"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":922.169,"endTime":927.209,"body":"I don't have to be impatient"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":927.239,"endTime":930.629,"body":"about the fact that I'm not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":927.239,"endTime":930.629,"body":"connected, nor frightened or"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":930.659,"endTime":936.689,"body":"anxious. Nor do I have to spend"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":930.659,"endTime":936.689,"body":"more than the 15 to 18 minutes"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":936.689,"endTime":939.539,"body":"or so I'm going to spend in this"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":936.689,"endTime":939.539,"body":"interlude, I don't have to spend"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":939.539,"endTime":943.769,"body":"any more time than that,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":939.539,"endTime":943.769,"body":"thinking about it, I can simply"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":943.769,"endTime":947.909,"body":"be, okay, I'm not connected to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":943.769,"endTime":947.909,"body":"leather, I'm going to work on"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":947.909,"endTime":952.709,"body":"something else, I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":947.909,"endTime":952.709,"body":"watch some TV, I'm going to go"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":952.709,"endTime":958.289,"body":"dancing, I'm going to eat a"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":952.709,"endTime":958.289,"body":"delicious meal, I can simply"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":958.589,"endTime":961.769,"body":"honor it by letting it alone."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":958.589,"endTime":961.769,"body":"That's what I mean, by honoring"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":961.769,"endTime":965.699,"body":"it, I'm gonna let it the fuck"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":961.769,"endTime":965.699,"body":"alone. And I am not going to try"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":965.699,"endTime":971.009,"body":"to force it in any shape or way"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":965.699,"endTime":971.009,"body":"I'm going to let it be. Because"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":971.189,"endTime":974.669,"body":"that's the best way I can kind"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":971.189,"endTime":974.669,"body":"of respect that part of myself."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":975.809,"endTime":981.149,"body":"All of this is so deep and"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":975.809,"endTime":981.149,"body":"woowoo territory, not entirely,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":981.149,"endTime":985.229,"body":"but it's very close to the"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":981.149,"endTime":985.229,"body":"woowoo territory. The takeaway,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":985.739,"endTime":989.879,"body":"let me come back to rationality,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":985.739,"endTime":989.879,"body":"let me come back to this actual"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":989.879,"endTime":994.769,"body":"interlude. The takeaway for you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":989.879,"endTime":994.769,"body":"is, there may come points in"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":994.769,"endTime":998.309,"body":"your life, where you're not"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":994.769,"endTime":998.309,"body":"feeling it, where the gear"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":998.309,"endTime":1001.759,"body":"doesn't feel special, or you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":998.309,"endTime":1001.759,"body":"don't feel right in the gear, or"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1001.759,"endTime":1004.969,"body":"you don't want to go to an event"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1001.759,"endTime":1004.969,"body":"or go to the bar or connect with"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1004.969,"endTime":1010.219,"body":"other people. That's okay."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1004.969,"endTime":1010.219,"body":"You're certainly not alone. This"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1010.219,"endTime":1013.729,"body":"has been a regular experience of"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1010.219,"endTime":1013.729,"body":"my journey that has happened"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1013.969,"endTime":1019.849,"body":"more than once. And it happens,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1013.969,"endTime":1019.849,"body":"and it passes. And I reconnect"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1019.849,"endTime":1025.759,"body":"as passionately as ever. And if"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1019.849,"endTime":1025.759,"body":"that's happened for me, I have"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1025.759,"endTime":1031.189,"body":"to believe that will happen for"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1025.759,"endTime":1031.189,"body":"you as well. Or not. By that, I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1031.189,"endTime":1033.949,"body":"mean, you may never end up"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1031.189,"endTime":1033.949,"body":"feeling disconnected from your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1033.949,"endTime":1036.739,"body":"mother. But I think the whole"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1033.949,"endTime":1036.739,"body":"point of this interlude for me"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1036.739,"endTime":1040.699,"body":"is if you do if you're feeling"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1036.739,"endTime":1040.699,"body":"that way now, or if you feel"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1040.699,"endTime":1043.909,"body":"that way, in the future, I want"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1040.699,"endTime":1043.909,"body":"you to know you're not alone."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1044.329,"endTime":1047.869,"body":"Others have been through it."},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1044.329,"endTime":1047.869,"body":"I've been through it. I've made"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1047.869,"endTime":1051.559,"body":"it through the other side. I'm"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1047.869,"endTime":1051.559,"body":"sold on a person. And if that's"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1051.559,"endTime":1054.139,"body":"true for me, I have to believe"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1051.559,"endTime":1054.139,"body":"it's going to be true for you"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1054.139,"endTime":1059.629,"body":"too. So wherever you are in your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1054.139,"endTime":1059.629,"body":"journey, no matter how connected"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1059.629,"endTime":1064.429,"body":"you feel, physically, to your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1059.629,"endTime":1064.429,"body":"gear, to your actual friends who"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1064.429,"endTime":1067.969,"body":"are leather, to your local"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1064.429,"endTime":1067.969,"body":"community, in leather and kink"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1067.999,"endTime":1071.809,"body":"or to the larger abstract notion"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1067.999,"endTime":1071.809,"body":"of leather and kink. Wherever"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1071.809,"endTime":1075.469,"body":"you are in your connection. I"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1071.809,"endTime":1075.469,"body":"hope that you find it fulfilling"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1075.559,"endTime":1081.469,"body":"and joyous and affirming. And,"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1075.559,"endTime":1081.469,"body":"as always, I really hope your"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1081.469,"endTime":1087.019,"body":"journey and I don't I'm actually"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1081.469,"endTime":1087.019,"body":"serious about this. I really"},{"speaker":"Edge ","startTime":1087.109,"endTime":1090.139,"body":"hope your journey is blessed"}]}