Mind Control

Can you imagine having the power to control someone's mind? What if you could unlock the erotic potential of brainwashing and hypnosis in your kink play? Join me, Edge, in this hypnotic episode of Full Cow, where I share my personal experiences with mind control, brainwashing, and the pursuit of realness in this unique fetish. 

We'll dive into the intricacies of hypnosis, debunking common myths and misconceptions, and exploring how it can create powerful sensations and experiences in kink play. From inductions and deepening to planting suggestions, you'll get a basic overview of this fascinating practice. in Ask Edge, I'll discuss the challenges of navigating scene tone and community conflict within the leather community, and share tools and strategies for resolving drama and fostering healthy communication. 

Finally, a small hypnotic induction for you. Let's journey together as we explore the concept of creating a safe, inner space to connect with your ideal kinky self. We'll discuss the power of visualization and the importance of getting to know and growing closer to this inner part of your identity. Whether you're an experienced mind control enthusiast or just starting to explore the possibilities, this episode offers an in-depth look at the erotic allure of brainwashing and the power of the mind in kink play. Don't miss this hypnotic experience!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Let's talk about Mind Control. This podcast contains material intended for a mature audience. For proceeding, please check your local laws and confirm that you are an adult. Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about leather kink and BDSM. My name is Edge, my pronouns are he, him, and I am your host. This time, we're going to be talking about Mind Control.

Speaker 1: 0:50

Now some of you may have heard this episode before. Originally I planned it as the first episode of this second season, but after publishing it I decided it needed some edits and so I took it down. It is now returned in its fully edited and complete form. So, as always, we'll start with sharing my experience with hypnosis, brainwashing and mind control, before going into an overview, basic introduction of hypnosis and what it can do. Then we're going to have the Ask Edge segment where I answer questions from you before a special treat, a sort of experimental meditation slash, hypnotic trance that I hope you'll really enjoy. I'm very happy with the episode.

Speaker 1: 1:39

Finally, and so let's get started, If you are deeply on the inside of my world, or perhaps if you've read my recon profile at precisely the right moment, then you would know that I have three interrelated core fetishes, And these are not the usual fetishes that are very central to me, like leather boots, gloves, cigars. No, when I talk about them as core fetishes, I mean they are dominant in my erotic fantasy life and they are persistent and they are very deeply rooted in my erotic imaginary. So, as far back as my memory can take me, these three core fetishes were there. One of them is brainwashing, and I don't mean that I want to brainwash someone.

Speaker 2: 2:31

I mean.

Speaker 1: 2:32

I want to be brainwashed, and of course that can seem very strange, since now I identify as a dominant top, but I like to say hey, if you're a slave and you want to make your perfect master, you can brainwash me into that. So the fantasies are independent of my overall kink identity or my sexual positioning. They operate no matter whether I'm identifying as a top or a bottom, whether I'm identifying as dominant or attempting to be submissive.

Speaker 1: 3:00

They do have certain things in common as well. First of all, all three of these fetishes involve me essentially not being there, and that's certainly something I like to discuss in therapy. I'm doubly related in part to my issues around sexual intimacy and perhaps some lingering shame around gay sex. I think they're also all related to my disease of addiction, which for me has a biological basis, that's an actual short in the wiring of my brain, and for me the disease of addiction is also very much about not being there. It's about getting away from myself. Much as these core fetishes are, however, i also want to acknowledge something affirming about them, something that I can celebrate in the erotic universe, and that is they are all three very much about very real power. Not play acting, not role playing, not playing along, not playing at all, but real power. You know, i'm reminded of one of my childhood memories. I was very young and I wanted a gun for Christmas. I'm sorry if this part's a little triggering for some people, but I did want a gun for Christmas.

Speaker 1: 4:20

My parents got me a plastic pistol and I was furious, furious because I wanted a real gun. I think I eventually got a BB gun. That desire for the realness of a thing is very deeply rooted in me and applies as well to this brainwashing fantasy. I don't want to pretend I'm being brainwashed. I want to be brainwashed And I'll develop some of the complications of that in a moment. Now I think this fantasy is also related to what I was exposed to in pop culture growing up. I think it was related to a lot of things like the Batman, the campy Batman show and the times Batman or Robin would have been kidnapped and programmed. It's related to Return to Which Mountain, which was a Disney movie from my era, and a lot of these cultural imaginaries, these plots around heroes who were taken and controlled by some evil mastermind. Those sank very deeply into me Why? Because there was also usually bondage involved and kidnapping involved. There were a lot of things, that sort of pressed buttons inside of me And so, with that shaping as soon as I came out very early I can't tell you when I started pursuing brainwashing, but it was very early. I want to say at the time I was still using IRC, internet Relay Chat, which is an ancient sort of command line way of chatting with others. Certainly, i want to say that one of the rooms I was frequently in on America Online was M4M Hypno. I'm pretty sure that existed And there were some early sites to connect with hypnotists and I did those as well. So I pursued it very early on, but not with amazing success.

Speaker 1: 6:18

The primary field in which you can pursue issues around mind controls through the use of hypnosis, which we'll talk about a lot more in the next segment, and hypnosis never super duper worked for me for a number of reasons. So, first of all, in my fantasy of being brainwashed, i am brainwashed even though I try to fight it, or I am brainwashed without even knowing it's happening super hot, right? Well, the problem is that hypnosis, if you resist it, it's not going to work. With hypnosis, you kind of have to buy into what's happening in order for its work. So you have to both cooperate.

Speaker 1: 6:57

You can use resistance against a person to some extent, but you have to cooperate with the suggestions and you have to kind of know it's happening. There's also an issue of trust. You really have to trust the hypnotist And I have trust issues. To start with, i don't think I ever developed a really great bond early on with any of the hypnotists I experienced And I tried hypnosis every way you could imagine. Then remember this is early internet. We didn't have video chat, but I did it through text chat. I did it in person.

Speaker 1: 7:29

I did it on the phone And it was hot and it was erotic, but it wasn't real. Now, another reason I have troubles with hypnosis is because of my super busy, over analytical monkey mind. That's the mind that allows me to create all these educational videos that have these insights on leather and kink and BDSM, because I'm always thinking about it, I'm always analyzing it and therefore I'm able to come these sort of digested results that I can share with others. It's great when you're thinking about sort of the psycho dynamics of cigar play. It is deadly when you're trying to let go and be present and simply give into a hypnotic trance instead of trying to analyze every single word that's being said Health, health, health.

Speaker 1: 8:19

I went pursuing hypnosis and it didn't work And that became this pattern where I would pursue mind control or brainwashing, figure out it was impossible, impossible the way I desired it, and then stop and then go pursue it, and then stop, and then go pursue it and then stop. In fact, my three core fetishes tend to cycle up and down. They rise to the surface and I explore, investigate and enjoy them and then at a certain point I realized they're never really going to give me what I need and they sink down below into my subconscious.

Speaker 1: 8:54

But they always return and the brainwashing one is always returned as well. I was also quite hesitant to really lean into brainwashing for much of my life because for much of my life I've been partnered and I was always conscious of the fact that if this worked it would have some pretty profound impacts on my relationships. Now all of my relationships have been open, so I was certainly not violating any of the terms of my relationships. But I was certainly aware that if I was actually brainwashed it would probably not be good for my partner and no doubt that led to a certain hesitancy and holding back. For a while I gave up on hypnosis, brainwashing, mind control. I had heard about neurolinguistic programming, which I thought was super fascinating, and I don't know that I've ever fully experienced it yet and in fact I tried not to learn much about it so that hopefully I won't see it happening. More recently, sometime this past year, i found myself single. I found that fantasy rising to the surface, those desires becoming present again and I thought, hey, now is a chance for me to go for it and to really lean in. And I will say I connected with a super wonderful hypnotist. We connected sexually on many levels and he was really good and I felt like there were changes happening. I felt like things were possible. I'm not entirely sure what happened, except to say that at some point the dynamic fizzled out. It was a really fantastic experience and quite thrilling, and now I'm in a place where the hypnosis desires are submerging a little bit. In fact, right now I'm in a place of flow, libido.

Speaker 1: 10:42

In general, i do want to acknowledge that real, actual brainwashing is possible, but it's not fun, right? So Stockholm syndrome is a thing. So I could show up at someone's place or they could quote unquote kidnap me, use sleep deprivation, sensory deprivation, random pain, random pleasure. They could so disorient me that eventually I would believe anything they said. That is an actual technique. That's used in hostage situations, but also in some cults. The other version of brainwashing in cults has to do with the kind of love bombing and isolation from family and friends and the sense that only we understand you, they'll never get you, they're not your family, etc. Etc. Etc. Those are not really fun.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Now it sounds hot, i'm going to be brainwashed in a basement or the course of two months, but I am grounded enough to know that if I were actually to experience it I would not enjoy it, i would not enjoy it, i'd be pretty sad, and I don't want to pursue things that make me sad. I also recognize that that form of quote unquote, real brainwashing, that form of programming, is logistically crazy. Now we entertain this fantasy of being programmed as whatever, as a perfect drone, perfect slave, being programmed as a perfect master. Yes, if you're a slave with brainwashing skills, you could program me to be your perfect master. We hold these fantasies, but we have to recognize that the logistics of holding someone hostage for several months and making sure they're sleep deprived Well, you know, you're going to be a little sleep deprived too if you're making sure they're sleep deprived The sheer logistics of them are implausible, is what I would say.

Speaker 1: 12:41

Now I do find people online who seek all of these things to various levels. Certainly many of us simply enjoying the fantasy and get off on the fantasy. They're still a part of me that very much desires the reality, but that's balanced by the bulk of experience I have in pursuing this, which says you know what It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen the way you imagine it. For all forms of brainwashing, if you resist, it's probably not going to work. For all forms of brainwashing you have to kind of be at least a partially active participant. So all of my fantasies of me being brainwashed without me knowing or me fighting it and losing those are not practically realistic. So I'm balancing this experienced knowledge that I carry with me of what can and can happen against this core erotic imaginary that asserts the possibilities right, and I try to negotiate those in my interactions around this. It's not something.

Speaker 1: 13:46

I'm actively pursuing right now. Now I will also note a beautiful thing about brainwashing is it's so it really overlaps with mindfuck because theoretically, i've already been brainwashed. How do I know If I've been perfectly brainwashed? I would not even know it. I may be being brainwashed right now. I don't know. How would I know? So there is a sense in which I can activate this sort of mindfuck element to enjoy the erotics of it without even really knowing whether or not it's real, while holding on to this notion that guess what it's not really real.

Speaker 1: 14:25

For now I'm content to simply be pursuing some of my other nonsexual passionate interests. But having said that, i know that brainwashing is a recurrent core fantasy, particularly because the other two I have abandoned for specific reasons. Maybe I'll get to that in some other podcast. I doubt it because it's very intimate knowledge. I have had to cut the other two out of my life.

Speaker 1: 14:51

So of the three, the one that remains is brainwashing. Now I also like to believe that it is receding, that it is becoming more submerged more often, not simply because I've looked and looked and never found it, not simply because I accept that the way I imagine it is completely unrealistic, but hopefully because I've worked on being more present in sex, more intimate, that I'm ready to be with myself and myself in a scene that I have a strong foundation to my recovery from addiction. So to the extent that that fantasy was about not being me or not being there, just not being there, i like to think that I've done a lot of the work to make it okay for me to be there, and that is my broadly speaking experience with brainwashing And I'll be really curious to see if it ever does happen, if it is secretly real in some way.

Speaker 1: 15:51

I never imagined I'm wondering if any of you will notice, my interest is very specifically in brainwashing, but the broader field when it comes to issues of mind control is probably the fetish of hypnosis. Hypnosis has an extraordinarily large and active fetish community and it's interesting in the way it intersects many other fetishes. So there are people into rubber drone hypnosis, there are people into sport jock hypnosis, there are people into cigar hypnosis and so on. It has its own convention called HypnoCon. It has some very active chat areas across different social media. So it is a wonderful diverse community with a lot of sub-communities within it.

Speaker 1: 16:44

Now let me say from the outset that I am not trained in hypnosis, and you will find many people online who are actual certified hypnotherapists, who have actually gone to school for this, but then also practice it in their kink play. That is not me. That is not what I'm here for. What I want to share with you is a very broad general outline, a preliminary introduction to hypnosis based on my decades of experience, and a lot of this has been being the subject. But, of course, because of my analytical mind, which interferes with the hypnotic trance, i'm always paying attention to what the hypnotist is doing and how. So this is the accumulated experience and knowledge I want to share with you, but take it for what it is, which is one person's experience and a starting point for your own knowledge and investigations. So if you've ever done any sort of meditation, hypnosis is going to seem very familiar. It is very similar to meditation, particularly guided meditation. It's a relaxed state of awareness and that means the subconscious mind is more accessible, and it's that accessibility that allows a lot of wonderful things to happen. So think of hypnosis as a kind of relaxed focus. It is a wonderfully diverse tool for play. It can be used to create time, dilation, bondage, orgasm, intensification or detensification. You can use it to work with pain limits. You can do post-hypnotic suggestions. You can deepen submission. You can sensitize body parts like tits. You can desensitize body parts like cocks. You can alter behaviors, such as dress. You can control body functions And you can change perceptions of body, attitude and emotions.

Speaker 1: 18:44

That being said, there are some things that hypnosis can't do, and you know, hypnosis is really unique in the way that it circulates widely in culture. So we think we know some things about it, but, as often the case, what circulates in culture, particularly popular culture, is not especially true. So one of the things that will not happen is you cannot be hypnotized against your will. Actually, all hypnosis is really self-hypnosis. Some people can be hypnotized without knowing it, often referred to as stealth hypnosis. But generally speaking, if you don't want to be hypnotized, then you can't be hypnotized. So you cannot be hypnotized against your will, no matter what you might have seen on any given TV show.

Speaker 1: 19:33

There's also a myth that, once hypnotized, you lose your will and will do anything you're told. Actually, you can't be made to do something that goes against your core beliefs and values. You'll either reject the suggestion or wake up. So There will be no clucking chickens today. However, there are some people who are very submissive, who can be led down a path into doing things against their core beliefs and values. That's a very slow journey and a risky one that needs to be taken with a great deal of trust and communication and intimacy. Also, many people, if the thing they are asked to do is deep at their fantasy level, they can and will do things that they would not do while they're awake. That's one of the great things about hypnosis It gives you an excuse to act on the things that are already inside of you. You can be the pig you want to be because you were hypnotized or whatever.

Speaker 1: 20:34

There's another myth out there that you can become stuck in hypnosis. No, it's actually an incredibly natural state. At the very worst you'll probably fall asleep and wake up. Naturally It's also untrue that in hypnosis you're asleep or unconscious or unaware. Actually, you're just relaxed and focused. You remain very aware. With deep hypnosis you can become totally unaware and forget what has happened. But again, that is a special skill that some people have. Or a very long journey over time and repeated sessions.

Speaker 1: 21:11

Some people think that getting aroused under hypnosis is a bad thing. No, it is incredibly possible and extraordinarily enjoyable. The only problem that can come with that is if you're so focused on your arousal that you stop focusing on the hypnotist. Certainly, a big popular culture myth is that you will reveal all your secrets when under hypnosis. No, you actually only reveal what you want to reveal. Finally, i think there's some sense in some circles that if you are hypnotized, you must be weak-minded. Again, hypnosis is a very natural state, so it's available to everyone. Intelligent people in particular tend to be very imaginative, which can be extraordinarily useful in hypnosis.

Speaker 1: 21:58

Let's talk about hypnosis basics. Generally speaking, all hypnotic sessions are going to begin with an induction, which is the process that creates a trance state. The most common kind of induction uses deep breathing and then a progressive relaxation of the body, either from the feet on up or from the head on down. But there are zillions of inductions that use a variety of techniques and even some nonverbal methods. And that's great news, because if you try out hypnosis and the induction being used on you just isn't effective, there's probably another kind of induction that would work really well for you.

Speaker 1: 22:38

Once a subject is in the trance state from the induction, the hypnotists will usually do some deepening, trying to get them deeper into trance. As with the induction, there are a number of methods to do this, though most of them will involve downward imagery, such as taking an elevator down or, most classically, walking down a set of steps. Once the subject is in that deeper trance state, then the hypnotists can begin planting suggestions. Now, if this is a situation where there's a goal to work long term or have repeated sessions, then usually one of the first suggestions is a trigger that will return the subject to trance, something like sleep now or, very classically, your color is ready. There can be many suggestions in one session, though it's probably wise to limit them to one to three at most, just so there's a lot of time available to reinforce them, because these things don't tend to stick instantly. One of the great things about hypnosis is repetition. Repetition makes things stickier and means you can have more fun hypnotic sessions.

Speaker 1: 23:51

Now, before the hypnotist ends a trance or a session involving a series of trances, there's probably going to be some housekeeping. The hypnotist will probably explicitly review the suggestions that will remain in effect following the trance and then declare that all the other suggestions will expire upon wake up, because you want to avert any unwanted or unexpected spillover and side effects, so you make it clear what's going to stay and what can go away. The hypnotist will probably be explicit that all post-hypnotic suggestions and triggers will only work when issued, said texted, by the hypnotist and not when the subject might hear them from others or see them on TV, etc. You want to prevent a subject from projecting post-hypnotic suggestions onto unintended parties or situations. And then, finally, you're going to want to remove all suggestions and triggers which should not remain in effect And after that it's time to wake up.

Speaker 1: 24:51

This is sort of the reverse of an induction. It's in a process of having someone come out of the trance. Usually there will be something like a count of five and during that there will be a progressive waking and feeling, good feelings. There might be a good time there to implant some suggestions that you won't remember the trance, and slowly you wake them up until they are awake and fully refreshed. After that, if you've planned the triggers, you're going to want to test them right, because you may need to go back and reinforce them. And the testing is really fantastic for the subject if it works, because it's like, oh my god, this really happened. My arm is really floating in the air, what the hell. And that creates buy-in and trust and excitement and a lot of erotic energy For a lot of hypnosis.

Speaker 1: 25:39

It's all about the post-hypnotic suggestions. These are behaviors, thoughts or attitudes that the hypnotist suggests to the subject and the subject's subconscious mind accepts and adopts. So when tied to a trigger word and not all of them are, but if they're tied to a trigger word then they can be activated outside the trance. In making these, it's really useful to use positive statements. So you wouldn't want to say you don't want to disobey me. You say instead, you want to obey. It feels good to obey, doesn't it? So you want to phrase things that prompt a yes answer. You also want to start with some really easy post-hypnotic suggestions, particularly if this is the first time working with a subject or if you're the first time working with the hypnotist. You want to make things that are easy to make true, because when they work it reinforces that trust and confidence and then makes it easier to go further and deeper. For some of the larger post-hypnotic suggestions, i think it's useful to move in baby steps.

Speaker 1: 26:45

You can't take total control with one suggestion, nor can you just instantly radically alter behavior. So it's a good idea to start small and move incrementally across many sessions. The more sessions you have, the better. So, for example, if I wanted to hypnotize someone to get into cigars, i would start with having them notice men smoking. It's pretty easy. It's like if you tell someone to notice people with a broken arm, suddenly everyone has a broken arm. Notice cigars. You're going to see cigars. Then I might have them start looking at cigar porn on the web Pretty easy, because it's horny, people like to get horny and it's easy to find. Then I might have them just walk into a cigar store. Then I might have them buy a cigar but not smoke it. Right, step by step by step, moving very slowly, so that each one both is easy to achieve and then reinforces what's come before.

Speaker 1: 27:43

For all post-hypnotic suggestions, they're not permanent. They need to be reinforced frequently in trance, and more trances the better. The more reinforcement the better. Now, one of the holy grails of post-hypnotic suggestions is amnesia, which is completely forgetting what happened in the trance. Some subjects are really gifted and can just do it, but for a lot of people it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of sessions And the key to getting amnesia to work is to remember that the memory never goes away. Instead, you focus on a suggestion that the memory, it's not important, they don't have to pay attention to it. One of the classic suggestions is forget to remember, remember to forget, forget to remember, remember to forget. If hypnosis is a scene you want to explore, here are some things to keep in mind. Trust and chemistry are critically important and that will need to be built.

Speaker 1: 28:45

But it requires that kind of initial connection with a hypnotist And if it's not there, you may not go under trance at all, but that's okay. You may need to try out many different hypnotists. You may need to talk to many hypnotists and subjects about expectations and experiences And it's a little bit like finding a therapist The first therapist you find you may not connect with and just doesn't feel right. You've got to try a few. The same thing with hypnotists. It requires a lot of talking. It's a sense, that connection and that chemistry where you feel that you can let go And it's worth looking for. I think for hypnotists from my experience on the bottom, it's really important to understand what the bottom wants with mind control. So a lot of bottoms have unrealistic expectations like me. But even beyond that, it's a way to start getting inside their head.

Speaker 1: 29:39

A lot of the work of hypnosis takes place outside the trance. It's very next door to mindfuck. So there's a lot of planting seeds before you even get to the trance. So it's good to set goals and have those conversations about what you want before the scene even starts. As always, you want to move in really baby steps, not just in terms of the suggestions you make, but really more generally. I think hypnosis works best when it is a long term scene. If you want to create real change in yourself or in another person, it will require repeated trances to establish trust and to plant and reinforce suggestions.

Speaker 1: 30:25

Hypnosis can be experienced in so many different ways. You can do it in person, you can do it on the phone, you can do it through texting or chat and you can do it through video chat. I think it's usually best in person for both the hypnotist and the subject, because you can so attune to the smallest flickers of the body to adjust things and because you can feel that energetic connection that allows for trust and trance to happen. In terms of the dangers in the short term, they're relatively few. That's because you're going to snap out of the trance. If your mind has any problems with what's happening, you will simply wake up and say, hey, this isn't working for me, let's talk about it. Or hey, this isn't working for me, i need to go.

Speaker 1: 31:10

However, there is some risk for abuse and emotional abuse in the hypnosis scene. In my experience, it's pretty rare. However, there are some subjects who are natural subjects who go under quickly, deeply, for anyone. They're at particular risk for abuse because you don't know whether or not you have a good hypnotist. I don't mean good as in good at what they're doing. I mean good as in ethical. Now the good news is that, as a community, the hypnosis community is fairly well connected. If you ask around or if you talk to others, if you ask them, if you can talk to people, if they put under, you're going to get good feedback on who to avoid and who to connect with.

Speaker 1: 31:57

Now, if you do have a bad experience, you might want to consider the hair of the dog that bit you. So if you can find a hypnotist you do trust, or if you can use self-hypnosis, then you can undo what the bad hypnotist did. Now I don't know of any really bad situations where people were deeply harmed, but I'm pretty sure they exist. I just don't have personal knowledge of them. The truth is they're a good hypnotist and bad hypnotists, not just in terms of their abilities, but also in terms of their innate interests and desires, just as there are good dominance and bad dominance, and good submissives and bad submissives. It's going to take a lot of conversation, a lot of sorting, a lot of sifting and a little trusting of your gut to figure out, but overall it's a pretty safe scene to explore And if this is an interest of yours, i encourage you to explore it.

Speaker 1: 32:51

And if you are a dominant type person, i encourage you to think about how it can be incorporated into other aspects of your play. Using it to help someone with their pain limits, for example, or as part of an edging scene, can really add another dimension that might be worth exploring. I generally think hypnosis is a lot of fun, and that's what play is supposed to be. We're supposed to be having fun. I still want to be brainwashed Put that out there. But ultimately, hypnosis is a beautiful, wonderful fetish to explore that has so many connections to all the other kinds of play that we do.

Speaker 1: 33:32

Ask Edge is my opportunity to answer questions from all of you, and I would like to invite you to contribute your questions about anything at all. King Glor why I'm as a person, or my opinions on just about anything, and you can do that by either sending me an email at ask at fullcalshow or, even better, leave me a voicemail on SpeakPipe at speakpipecom. Slash leatheredge, lthredge, and that information is available in the show notes. We have two questions today, and the first one is from David in KC.

Speaker 2: 34:13

Hi Edge, this is David in KC. My question has to do with the tone of the scene that you're doing and whether or not it changes in mood as it plays out. So, for example, i might start the scene wanting my Dom to be very nurturing and cuddly And then halfway through I'll just want him to treat me like I'm absolutely scum. So I've wondered if you've noticed, either in your Dom practice or any of your submissives, if you've noticed a big change in desire for the tone of the scene as it goes out. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1: 34:52

One of the most common changes in tone I might have in a scene is towards the light and towards levity. So there have been lots of scenes where I do something wrong or someone farts at the wrong time and we look at each other and we just laugh. So I think it is important to recognize that scenes are not always all serious. After all, we are supposed to be having fun. In terms of your question specifically, i want to draw attention to something you said, which is there are times where you want your Dom to start off maybe gentle and then get really mean, and so then is the tone of the scene really changing? if you all have discussed that, that's what you want, the tone of the scene is that change. I find it challenging, without prior discussion, to change that tone in the scene, because I'm always afraid I'm going to overstep a boundary, overstep a line, go a little too far. So I'm unlikely to go from lighter to heavier, lighter to more serious if that's not been discussed beforehand. I'm more likely to go the opposite direction. If I start off really heavy because that's what someone wanted, but I can see they're not really responding to that, i might pull back to find a level that they're comfortable with. But oftentimes I'd more likely just stop and ask hey, how's this working? Let's have a moment and check in with each other.

Speaker 1: 36:27

So the rapid change or the evolutionary change in the scene I think is most possible with someone you've played with multiple times. So I have to really know someone and be able to know what their body and mental and verbal clues are. That can then allow me and give me permission to go darker, go heavier, whatever, because if I'm playing with someone new, i can't simply go based on the reaction of their genitals, because genitals are not real reliable indicators of how turned on someone is or how much pleasure they're experiencing. So to get back to your original question, that switching in mood is certainly possible. A lot of times it's the eruption of levity because we're having fun and it's a joyful thing.

Speaker 1: 37:15

But in terms of really moving towards something heavier from light, that's something I have to have either discussed beforehand or it's something that I have to know the person and their mind so well that I have to know their headspace so well that I know when I have permission to do that. And it certainly sounds like you're good at communicating that and that desire for that shift to the dominant person you're playing with, And that's what it's really all about. We are beautiful seen in terms of communication, like kinksters are really good at communicating, and I think that's part of what makes kink so special and so much fun. And our second question comes from Jim in St Louis.

Speaker 3: 37:55

Hi Edg. This is Jim in St Louis. I had kind of an odd question, i think, something that we just don't discuss in the community How do you deal with the drama within the leather community? Be right here. Look forward to your answer, let me know And thank you for the podcast. It's incredible.

Speaker 1: 38:17

Well, for starters, i think we need to really think about what we mean by the word drama And I am taking that as a code word for conflict And if we understand that conflict is a natural part of communities, that's a beginning for us. Every community is made up with people who have some things in common That's what makes it a community but have some things not in common And that's what's going to cause conflict. And as much as we want to imagine a world without conflict, i do think conflict in general can be productive, because it can move communities forward. It can help them grow and evolve and stop them from being stagnant. So I think we want to be thoughtful when we discuss questions of drama, because often what's causing the drama, the conflict, are issues of incredible importance that people feel passionate about, and if we start from that perspective, then we might be able to approach them more meaningfully and more gently.

Speaker 1: 39:19

I will say that personally, i'm in 12 step recovery. I come from a 12 step experience And I have a complete toolbox for dealing with drama, chaos, conflict, and so I'm not necessarily here to promote those tools, as much as to say that it's entirely possible to participate in a community without getting sucked into drama and conflict without causing it And, in fact, trying instead to be someone who, in some ways, sort of tries to resolve it or negotiate it. Not that I expect anyone to step into the middle of drama and conflict. I think, if I were to take my 12 step experience and translate it to a more general audience, part of it has a lot to do. First of all, i always have to examine my part. Have I done anything to cause this drama? Have I done anything to add to the situation? Are there privileges that I'm invisible to, that could be activated in this situation? I have to stop. Before I do anything, i have to stop. I can't participate in the drama. I have to stop And I have to look inside myself and think about what's my part. And if I have a part or whatever my part is because in a 12 step context you always have some part in what's going on then I have to hold myself accountable for that and fix what I can.

Speaker 1: 40:42

So, in general, if there's drama in the community, the first thing to do is not get sucked into Facebook comment wars or Twitter fights, instead to stop and really be reflective about what's going on and what role you have to play in it. And then also, kind of as part of that, it's about identifying what's the core issue and why you are triggered, why they are triggered, what's going on, what matters to people, and then really be thoughtful about that and where you stand on the issue and why you stand on the issue. I think the second component if I were to take my 12 step experience and translate it generally is being really empathetic. I tend to be extraordinarily empathetic. I always try to understand another person's position. That doesn't mean I have to agree with it, it doesn't mean I have to accept it, but I can give them the right and freedom to have it And I can try my best to understand how they got to it, where they came from.

Speaker 1: 41:37

And I think with those two tools we may not eliminate drama because, again, it is a productive conflict that can help the community to evolve and move forward and be more responsive to its members. But it's a way of minimizing the damage from quote unquote drama, because drama doesn't have to be drama. If we are able to approach things from civility and talk to each other and understand each other's differences. We can have conflict without this notion, this emotional exacerbation that comes with the term drama, we can simply have heated conversations. The truth is, though, we are all individuals, and as individuals, we have different sets of tools in our toolkit for interpersonal relations and for communication, and so there will always be people who are doing the best they can, but they don't have very good tools, and so what is produced looks like this emotional explosion that we might code as drama, and so, even if I can't resolve that, and even if I can't have this rational, civil conversation with them because they don't have a complete set of tools which probably isn't their fault then the very least I can do is not add to the drama. That is something I can always do. I can choose to not add to the drama. So I hope that's a start of an answer for you that for me, it has a lot to do with understanding what drama is and how people get invested in it and what matters to people. Looking at my part, and then trying to understand them, and trying to understand that we can have a conversation if we don't agree, and then I can detach lovingly if there's a situation that just feels irresolvable to me.

Speaker 1: 43:31

I certainly encourage everyone to work the 12 steps. It's an incredible way of creating a toolkit for life. It is a plan for living. Unfortunately, if you're not at risk of death because of addiction or alcoholism, then you're probably not going to be motivated to do all the work. So mixed blessing for me there. I have great toolkit, but the only way to get it is because if I don't have it, i'm going to die Fun. But the good news is that I don't really get sucked into drama because it's detrimental to me. It's detrimental to my mental health. So I make sure I use those tools as much as possible, and I hope that that has given you some insight on the tools you have available to you and how you might use them as well.

Speaker 1: 44:14

So thanks again for those questions. This segment cannot exist without you, and so if you like the podcast, if you want to be a part of this, please send me questions so that I have something to answer every month. Hopefully you will. I'm so grateful for all of you for listening. I'm going to be even more grateful for you if you contribute. On more than one occasion I've had someone comment on my social media that my voice would be perfect for hypnosis and I thought, hey, this is the place to give those people exactly what they want. So we're going to do a short hypnotic trance Now. If hypnosis is not an interest of yours, then I invite you instead to consider this a brief meditation.

Speaker 1: 45:06

To be fully transparent, our entire goal here is to get you in touch with your inner kinky self. That's it. No secret suggestions, no hidden agenda. Simply a short relaxing time where you can really get in touch and grow closer to who you are as a kinky person. That being said, in an abundance of caution, i would ask you to not listen to this if you are driving, operating heavy machinery, if you're at work or if you're basically any place where you can't fall asleep. Instead, i would ask you to find a safe, comfortable place where you will not be disturbed, and now would be a good time to either hit pause or skip this segment. If you are not in such a place, great, i'm so glad you were able to find a place where you are safe and where you will be undisturbed.

Speaker 1: 45:58

Take a moment to get comfortable. All we're going to do is focus on relaxing. That's what this is really about Simply relaxing, because the truth is we all need to relax Now. To do that, i'm going to ask you to focus on my voice and to focus on your breathing. You will be taking deep breaths on counts of four, breathing in through your nose for four, holding for four, and then breathing out through your mouth for a count of four. Ready In two, three, four. Hold two, three, four out two, three, four in two, three, four. Hold two, three, four out two three, four, very good.

Speaker 1: 47:05

Simply continue to breathe very deeply, feeling the air fill your lungs as your body begins to unwind from all the stresses of your life, as you begin to relax, finding yourself more and more relaxed with every deep breath. Now I would like for you to imagine a staircase headed down with 10 steps. This may be a staircase that looks familiar to you, perhaps one in your home, or one from your past, or maybe one you've never seen before. But as it comes into focus in your mind, it's important that you notice every detail of these stairs the way they are constructed, the material, the color, the banister, if there is one or isn't one. Picture it all very clearly in your mind's eye as you continue to breathe deeply. Now you will walk down these stairs, one at a time, becoming more relaxed with each step, allowing yourself to move downwards into deeper relaxation, starting with 10., 9. Relaxing more. 8. Continuing to breathe very deeply, 7., 6., 5. Deeper and deeper. 4. Down and down. 3. So deeply relaxed, 2. 1. Wonderful, you're doing so, very good.

Speaker 1: 49:06

Now that you are so deeply relaxed, i want you to picture a door, and again, it may be a door that looks familiar to you, or it may be a door that you've never seen. As it comes into focus in your mind's eye, pay attention to every detail The handle, the hinges, the construction, the material, the color. Imagine running your hand against the door, feeling its surface and its temperature. Picture it very clearly so that it becomes perfectly real in your mind. Good, very, very good. Now, behind this door is a very special place. It is a place that no one can enter without your permission. It is perfectly safe because it exists only in your mind And you can go there any time You need to get in touch with yourself, you need to feel safe Or you need to recharge. One of the magical things about this place is you won't know what it looks like until you open the door. It may be so familiar and so comforting, but it may be entirely new and exciting for you. So I want you to continue to breathe deeply and then reach out, open the door and step through. Good, very good. Take a moment to look around this space. Feel free to walk around and explore it. Feel very comfortable and very safe.

Speaker 1: 50:54

Now that you are here. Now, i'd like you to invite someone very special into this space. I would like for you to invite your ideal kinky self. I want you to imagine what you would look like, what you would be wearing, how you would be standing, your ideal kinky self materializing here in this very safe space, as you continue to breathe very deeply and as you remain very relaxed. I'm going to give you a few moments to have a conversation with your kinky self. You may ask your kinky self any questions you have, or your kinky self may have wisdom, guidance and insight to provide to you. It is time to connect to that place, that person, that part of you that is very sacred and very real. You may start that conversation now. Thank you, wonderful. You are doing so very, very good.

Speaker 1: 53:04

It's going to be time for us to leave this space soon, so I want you to take a moment to thank your kinky self for spending time with you And then say goodbye to your kinky self, who will simply fade away. All the insights and all the conversation you had will stay with you when you leave this space And you can return to this very special place whenever you want, by simply breathing deeply, walking down that particular set of stairs to find that very special door, to open it and walk through and find yourself here once again to invite in your kinky self and to spend time with that inner part of you, to get to know that inner part of you and to grow closer to it and to move closer to becoming it. This is a power that you have, that you can access whenever you need, and that's so wonderful, isn't it To be know this part of you, to have access to it in a place that is so sacred, so entirely safe, wonderful. Now I need you to find the door again, open it, step back through, knowing that it locks behind you, that only you can open it. You find yourself once again at the bottom of that very particular staircase And in a moment you're going to start walking up it. Take a moment for another deep breath and begin walking up the staircase with one, two, three beginning to wake, four, five, bringing with you the memories of this experience. Six, seven, feeling more refreshed and energized. Eight, nine, ten awake.

Speaker 1: 55:24

I hope that was a good experience for you. I have no way of knowing how well it worked for you, but I would invite you to contact me at edge at fullcalshow or ask at fullcalshow if you have feedback And, in particular, if you enjoyed this enough to need or want more of these sorts of segments. I'm very grateful that you trusted me to even begin this journey. Whether it was good for you or bad, i really appreciate your attention because you have a life, you have things you could be doing, and it means a lot to me that you decided to spend this time listening to me. So thank you, and that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for joining me. Please consider subscribing, sending feedback to edge at fullcalshow, as always. May your leather journey be blessed.