Interlude: Resist

Interludes are short segments between regular episodes with no editing but WITH leather creaking. It's a chance to hear a little more about what's going on in my life. This time it's trauma responses, visibility, and resistance. But hey, there's also a lighter note. Check out this kinky puzzle book from my friend boy paul:

• Quips and Chains

Transcript

Activism and Resistance in Leather Community

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Full Cow , a podcast about leather kink and BDSM . My name is Edge , my pronouns are he , him , and I'm your host . And this is another interlude in the episode between episodes offered raw and unedited , but with Langlitz , leather creaking and I have good news on that front . You know I've mentioned before that as my Langlitz jacket breaks in , it's getting a little less creaky . However , I have deposits placed at Langlitz now for new items , including a Sidewinder jacket , so I'm hoping there will be new creakiness about 10 months from now . So in this episode I want to think about activism and resistance .

Speaker 1 0:43

These are topics that have been very much on my mind lately and in general , I've been watching myself go through a trauma response in the last week . Specifically , I have moved between fight , flight and freeze . So in terms of freeze , I've been very disconnected this week . I've just not really been texting as much . I've not wanted to be around people as much . I've been hunkering down a little bit more and practicing self-care . In terms of flight , well , I've already looked into the possibility of citizenship in Italy through my great-grandmother . I don't think it will work because it looks like she had my grandfather after she got naturalized as a US citizen . Great job , mary Montalbano . Why would you do that to me ? I have also looked at the possibility of immigrating to Canada . I need to take an English test so that I can get into the skilled worker pool . So I am thinking about flight , but in the meantime I'm thinking about fight .

Speaker 1 1:50

I'm thinking about ways in which I can resist , and mainly that means being more queer , being more leather , being more visible . That means I'm diving back into my social media and doing even more videos , and I'm thinking about softening these boundaries I tend to keep between my social media presence and some other parts of my life . I'm not quite sure about that , I'm still thinking and reflecting on it , but I'm thinking about softening those boundaries a little bit to increase my visibility . I am also considering wearing leather more often in my daily life and there are a couple of reasons I haven't done that . In part . Leather for me is very sacred and therefore I don it when I'm entering sacred spaces the playroom , the bar , the leather event and I don't know if I want it to become mundane , but I do think there is power in visibility and a kind of activism . Now , along with that , I am thinking about buying a gun , for my own self-defense , of course , but if I'm going to be more publicly visible in leather , more obviously queer , I want to make sure that I'm able to protect myself .

Speaker 1 3:11

None of this , none of this , is good news , and it's a little sad that that's where I'm at in my life right now and perhaps that's where we are as a world right now . But it is what it is and I've not made firm decisions about any of this . I am still processing through my trauma response and working out who I want to be in this new world . Because it feels to me like a new world . It feels like there's a change . It feels like what was is not what's going to be , and I have to decide who I'm going to be , and I don't like a lot of what I'm doing so far .

Speaker 1 3:53

My heart is hardening a little bit . I am more distrustful of people that I see around , like when I am out running errands . I am more distrustful of people and I'm less likely to be kind . None of those things I think are good things , nor are they who I want to be , but at the moment it's who I have to be . But I'm thinking instead about being a little bit more strategic , about my visibility as an act of resistance , and it's important for me to acknowledge that . Sorry , this is unedited , I had to clear my throat , I hope that wasn't too jarring . It's important to realize that I am able to be more visible . I am able to be more visible in the real world and in social media because of the package of privilege I carry with me . You know , I've just finished up the video series on communication on my social media and the next series I'm going to be doing is about a concept I've been bandying about quite recently , leather privilege , and I have to check . I'm sure someone else probably has talked about leather privilege . Someone with less privilege has probably talked about leather privilege , and I want to really lift their voice up and not steal the term from them . Hold on , I'm going to clear my voice again there . At least I got away from the microphone .

Speaker 1 5:12

The notion of leather privilege for me is bound up with other kinds of privilege . Well , I'll just sort of talk about it , writ large right Like . Leather privilege for me means access to leather people , access to leather spaces , access to leather gear and access to leather experiences , and I have quite a bit of leather privilege right Like I can text former IMLs . I can text people who own leather manufacturing or leather clothing companies , leather stores those people I have access to , direct access to . I have access to leather spaces . Not only can I walk into any bar , but I have the resources to go to most events that I want to go to . Actually , if I put my mind to it , I could go to any event I wanted to , but I also have access to leather parties that most people don't have access to , to leather play events that most people don't have access to . I have extraordinary access to leather gear and I have access to leather experience . Not only do I have a lot of experience , but if I wanted to learn how to do X , I would very rapidly find a teacher who knows X .

Speaker 1 6:24

I'm excited for this video series . I will say I think it's going to be a really good one and pretty timely , so I hope you will find it . Oh goodness , so I'm recording this on Monday , november 11th , because it's a holiday . This will come out on Friday . Yes , so the podcast is coming out fairly contemporaneously to the video series .

Speaker 1 6:45

The point about leather privilege is the reason I have it is that I have all this other privilege . Obviously , primarily , I have a lot of economic privilege socioeconomic privilege because I have the financial resources to buy a lot of leather , to get more langlets , to go to leather events . Those require financial resources . But there are complicated packages of privilege involved here , including pretty privilege and body privilege and able-bodiedness , and urban privilege and Western privilege , and I could go on and I will go on in the video series . But the point I want to make here is that for me , what allows me to be more visible in leather , what allows me to flex my leather privilege , is the fact that I carry so many other privileges , and this is a way of saying that part of why I'm moving into resisting through visibility , through outspokenness , through just spokenness let's not even talk about outspokenness .

Speaker 1 7:50

The reason I am moving into resistance through visibility and spokenness is because people with less privilege than me can't . It is more dangerous for them and I don't think it is without danger for me , which is why I'm thinking about buying a gun , of all things . I don't think it's without danger for me , but I have a package of privilege that gives me a little bit more protection than people who are less privileged in terms of socioeconomic status , in terms of age , in terms of able-bodiedness , in terms of neurotypicalness , all the things right , all the things I like to say I have the only privileges I don't have . I'm sure there's more , but the two privileges I feel like I don't have . First of all , I'm not straight , because that's pretty high privilege , and I'm not six foot or taller , which is also a kind of privilege that relates to different kinds of body privilege . But the rest of the privileges that I'm aware of I carry around in my privilege backpack and that makes me able to say things other people couldn't say without putting themselves in danger . It makes me able to be places where other people couldn't be without putting themselves in danger , and I am very cognizant of that .

Speaker 1 9:11

All of this came out of the keynote I gave at the Glue event in Houston put on by the Misfits , and this interlude was originally planned to be a reproduction of that keynote speech . It's a little , you know , my keynote speaking is a little bit different from my podcasting . The voice is a little more animated instead of this soothing podcast voice that people are apparently very fond of . So it would have been a little bit of a shoehorning to move that keynote into the interlude and recent events pushed me in another direction , but there will probably be an interlude down the line about that will reproduce the keynote . But the point is that in the keynote I was thinking about leather privilege and especially who gets to fit into the leather community , who gets the privilege of fitting , and as part of that I talked about how the history of our community is a history of building spaces where we fit , and the people who did that were the white , cis , urban , rich , gay men specifically men , because they had the privilege that made them space builders . Right , starting a bar , opening a bar takes a lot of resources , takes a lot of privilege to open a bar , and so the leaders , the ones who were making space for leather , were using their privilege .

Speaker 1 10:46

Now the other thing I say in the keynote is I could give up . If I could wave a magic wand and give up all of my leather privilege , what would happen is someone who looks exactly like me would step into it . Some new , pretty privileged , body-privileged , able-bodied , neurotypical , cis , white , urban , western , gay , socioeconomically privileged male would become the next edge . So giving up privilege doesn't change anything . I'm very aware of that . I could give up my privilege and nothing would change . The system would just notch down to the next person in line in the privilege parade .

Speaker 1 11:32

The way for me to try to create change is to use the privilege I have to create space for other people , for other voices , to listen to them and believe what they say , and to speak with them , next to them , to give them places to speak , to make space , literally make space at the bar for them , make sure there's room next to me for them to lean next to me , and so that has cultivated in me this awareness that at this moment in time , I am privileged to be able to have resistance through visibility and through spokenness in ways that other people do not , and that I need to exercise my privilege to make leather queerer , to make queer more visible , to make queer more spoken and outspoken . Yeah , probably something like that . Now , at the same time , I'm still also considering my flight response . This is a perfect time for me to fall in love with a handsome Irish-German-Spanish somewhere in the EU . Please , gentleman , and marry him and live the fairytale fantasy of leaving this country and having this grand adventure , this last grand adventure of my life , of a married life , but a married life in another country , and that's just a fantasy , as much as I'm exploring flight and as much as I probably at some point will take the English test and put my name in the pool for Canada because I think that's the easiest post for me to aim for , as much as I am imagining flight , I also realize if I had a husband in another country , like immigrations are not easy period , and spousal immigration is not going to be easy , so it's not an easy solution . There are no easy solutions for me at this moment and so as much as I consider the fantasy of flight , the truth is I'm probably going to do a little bit more fight than flight . I'm going to do a little bit more resist than run . We'll see . I'm working my way through that and will be , I think , for a little while . I don't know that I will be quote unquote , back to myself , for I'm not sure when , I'm really not sure when , and actually I'm not sure which self I am coming back to , that I don't really know who I am or who I'm going to be . When this trauma response subsides , I might be a little more aggressively queer , I might be in general a little less trusting . I don't like that , but it might be necessary Because , even with all my privilege , an increase in my visibility could risk being hurt . There could be consequences to that , but I'm really trying to think about whether or not the potential consequences are worth what could be gained by making things a little more visible . Now there are other forms of activism . There are other forms of resistance which are even more active , which are even more resistant .

Speaker 1 15:02

I've thought about doing a podcast episode all about activism . Actually , you know , I've been getting my podcast topics from ChatGPT because it's actually pretty handy if you ask the right questions , and that was one of the topics ChatGPT had suggested an episode on activism . So that may come . That may come . I am now heavily thinking there will be a season four of the podcast because the anecdotal feedback I receive from people is that it's necessary . So there may be an activism episode next season . There may be a next season . We'll see . I'm still figuring things out .

Speaker 1 15:42

I'm sharing all of this because I imagine many of you not all of you , because I have to imagine I have listeners of all around the world in my podcast , but also of all political persuasions . I'm imagining that many of you are also experiencing your trauma responses and I think one of the powerful things for me was to name it a trauma response and to see that what I was doing was fight , flight or freeze . That was really powerful for me . So I hope , in sharing my experience , it gives you some perspective on what you're going through and then perhaps some tools to cope with it , a chance for you to reflect on who you want to be in the world . That is the world that is now and that's the interlude part of this

Leather Gift Ideas and Reflections

Speaker 1 16:28

, you know .

Speaker 1 16:28

I also want to give a quick plug . I have a friend , boy Paul , who's a really great boy , lives to be under a pair of boots , very , very boot-focused , but in general just a good boy . He's a good boy . You're a good boy , paul , Good boy . He has written a book called Quips and Chains , which is a book of leather word puzzles and there are anagrams and ladder puzzles and word searches and I've been doing the jumbles because they're really cute . There's a little cartoon and a little kind of punny thing and then I like the jumbling and it requires my mind to focus on something else .

Speaker 1 17:09

So , as we are approaching a season that is traditionally a season of gift giving for many peoples , I think it makes a great gift because it's affordable . It's a kink gift that's affordable and most kink gifts are not affordable . New pair of boots , box of cigars , a leather uniform those things are expensive . But if you have someone kinky in your life , particularly if they like doing any sort of word puzzles , I think it makes a great gift and I will be placing information about that in the show notes , so please check it out . Beyond that I am going to be .

Speaker 1 17:44

Next episode is our season finale . We've made it through another season of Full Cow , so I'm looking forward to that and in the meantime , I hope that , in the wake of what's happened , that you find yourself in a place as best place as you can be . I don't know that I can wish anything more than that , but that's what I will wish , and just know that I'm going to be more visible . I'm just working out the . I'm working out the . I'm trying to calibrate my visibility versus the risk I feel I might be facing and I might flee . If I fall in love with someone in another country , I will gladly flee , but that doesn't mean I'll stop doing this . This work is important and , I think , probably more important than when I started it , so I think I'm going to continue doing it and I'm going to continue doing it for you and with that I hope your leather journey is amazing .