Full Cow: Edge Talks Leather and Kink

Protocol Revisited

• Edge • Season 4 • Episode 6

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Ever wish someone handed you the map for approaching people in leather spaces without stepping on landmines? We unpack protocol as a living language—one that helps us communicate identity, negotiate consent, and feel like we belong—whether you’re navigating a bar, a dungeon, or a crowded inbox.

We start by reframing protocol from “rules for subs” to a shared system that binds everyone. Then we get practical: how to build pre-approach awareness, read the room, and use simple first contact—introductions and a handshake—to set a respectful tone. You’ll hear why theatrical submission backfires, how to extend honorifics “on credit” and assess whether they’re earned, and the safest way to approach collared folks, couples, or triads when you don’t know their internal dynamic.

We also translate those same principles into digital life. Thoughtful DMs beat “hey,” explicit photos without consent are out, and profile-reading is basic respect. On the community side, we cover play space etiquette—observing scenes, protecting space around implements, no unsolicited touch or photos—and why dungeon monitors are non-negotiable. We touch on event microcustoms, the tension between bar chatter and contest speeches, and how inclusivity and neurodiversity call for clearer signals and gentler corrections. Along the way, we share a story about the “never touch someone’s cover” custom and why small protocols can reveal who’s truly in community.

By the end, you’ll have concrete steps that turn awkwardness into invitation, and a template for creating your own personal protocol that signals values, boundaries, and openness. If this helped, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s finding their on-ramp, and leave a review to tell us the one protocol you think more people should learn.

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Ask Edge! Go to https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHREDGE to leave ask a question or leave feedback. Find Edge's other content on Instagram and Twitter. Also visit his archive of educational videos, Tchick-Tchick.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's revisit protocol. This podcast contains material intended for a mature audience. Before proceeding, please check your little laws and confirm that you are an adult. Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about Leather King and PDSM. My name is Edge, my pronouns are he him, and I'm your host. And in this episode, we are returning to the theme of season four, which is all about going back to prior episodes of this podcast and revisiting topics and perhaps looking at a little different aspect of them. And this time we're going to look at protocol. The original episode I was really happy with, and since then I've actually taught protocol as a class at three different events. And in the course of doing that, I discovered there were some aspects about protocol that I did not discuss in the original episode. And those are the aspects we're going to look at today. We're going to think about not so much the protocol that happens between two individuals, but the protocol of approach. How do you approach a dominant person? How do you approach a submissive person? And the protocol of our shared leather spaces. So instead of looking at the sort of internal private protocol, we are looking at more public manifestations of protocol and how they help regulate and guide us in interacting with each other. I think it's a great episode, so let's get started. In the original episode on protocol, part of what we talked about is how protocol is not just a set of rules for submissive to follow. Instead, it's a system of communication, a way of constantly expressing who we are to each other across places and times. As part of that, it is doubly binding. It's not simply that the submissive person has to follow these rules, these protocols. As the dominant person, I am also beholden to them. I must also follow them and I must uphold them and uphold the submissive in living through them. Protocol is something that is negotiated. It is not monolithic, it doesn't pre-exist. There's no grand single protocol. Instead, it is worked out between two individuals, two or more. That makes it quite organic. And it's also iterative. It is something we return to, we renegotiate, we rethink, and we revise. And in the end, what you have is a system of living communicative rules that shape who we are, reinforce who we are, and honor who we are. As I said, I've taught this as a class a couple of times, and I've come to realize that there are other aspects to consider when it comes to protocol, including the protocols of approach and community protocols, and that's what we're going to be focusing on today. Now, if you think about a private protocol, it is an intimate, negotiated ritual. It's about how partners communicate roles, relations, identity, intimacy, connection, even love. The more public protocol, the protocol of approach, is really more of an etiquette of first contact, our kind of social handshake. It's about how we approach dominance and submissives and couples, thruples, et cetera, things like that. There's also a community protocol, which is the collective expectations that keep bars, dungeons, play spaces, and events safe. Across all of these, protocol remains doubly binding. It's not simply a set of rules issued by one group for another group to follow. Instead, those rules ask us each to behave towards each other in certain ways. That means that protocol is also a system of meaning-making. It's not a set of commandments. And because it's about meaning-making, it shifts as our need to communicate meaning, as the meaning itself shifts. That's why it continues to grow and evolve. It is a living thing. This, of course, is another way of pushing back on the old guard mythology. We tend to hold in our notion that old guard was all about protocol and that there was a protocol that was followed. As you know from some of the recent episodes, even on the Leatherman's Handbook, that is not entirely true, that even if we were to go back to old guard days, and yes, they did have protocols, we would find diversity, locality, improvisation, not a single uniform code. And so the protocols we're looking at now, in their variety, in their evolution, in their revisionary nature, continue to sort of push back on the monolithic notion of an old guard. So while private protocols build intimacy, approach protocols are a way of building consent, and community protocols are a way of building belonging. So let's think about the protocol of approach. Now, even before we talk about approaching, let's just talk about, right? This is this is where it gets interesting because part of this is protocol, part of this is politeness, part of this is common sense. So we're going to be moving across things that are protocol, i.e., this is a rule or social expectation. It is a way of standardizing communication between two different parties. That's protocol. And then there's sort of etiquette, politeness, simple human sociality and interaction. And those lines are going to be a little bit blurry, but we're going to range across them. So if you see someone that you're interested in, even before you approach, you want to cultivate a kind of pre-approach awareness. And that starts with being present. Now, what I mean by that in part is don't be so intoxicated, don't have a mind that is so altered that you are no longer really there. It's important for you to be present as who you are in these interactions. And so, if you've had a lot to drink, if you've been doing other substances, maybe that's not the time to be approaching people. Being present is also about being present to the space, really sensing who's there and how they are interacting. And that will help you understand how you're supposed to interact within that space. That means reading the room before you move. And this, we're also kind of moving, we're crossing over into cruising. I think I have an episode on that as well, right? You read the room, and what you do is you look at who's engaged and who's available. I do this still all the time. If I see someone I'm interested in, are they with someone? And then if they're with someone, do I think they're just with a friend? And a lot of that has to do with how they position themselves towards each other, body language. Um, and it also has to do with how closely they are bound to one another. So, in my experience, if someone shows up with their friend, sooner or later each of them is going to want to go cruising and will break apart. And then you can see that, okay, well, maybe they're not a couple. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. But the fact that they're separating means that there's a greater ability to approach. So even before you approach anyone, you really want to sort of know the space. You want to be present in the space and you want to be observ- observing the people who are in the space and how they interact with each other. Now, first contact is really as simple as any meeting anyone. You introduce yourself and you offer a handshake. A handshake, not a grope, not a touching their leathers, not a touching their bare chest. Touch is earned. Touch requires consent. So you start off introducing yourself in a handshake. And that that is sort of first contact etiquette, no matter who you are, dominant, submissive, switch, whatever, and no matter who you're approaching, dominant, submissive, switch, whatever. A lot of protocol is simply being basic humans used to social interaction. And so introduce yourself with a handshake. That's sort of the generic thing, but let's really focus on approaching particular kinds of people. And I've had boys more than once ask me about the protocol of approaching a dominant person. Technically, it does not exist. There is no single protocol for anything, and there is no single standard protocol for approaching a dominant person. Now, curiously, there's a kind of historical practice that probably is a residue of our belief of what the old guard was. And that historical practice involves going up to a dominant person and asking for permission to approach. Now, I've always found this just a little bit silly because you've already approached. If you're asking me, may I approach? Well, you've already approached. So I don't I don't want to endorse that as a great practice because I find it a little um strange, at least linguistically strange. I will say though, it also is very sweet and old-fashioned. And when I have someone come up and ask, may I approach her, it tells me a lot about who they are, about the kind of formality they like to bring to leather, about the longings they have for ritual and protocol. So if you're that kind of person, if you're really into crazy into protocol, then great. Absolutely ask for permission to approach. In general, though, I don't think that it is practical because you've already approached. In general, obviously you want to wait until there is a moment where the dominant is not occupied with a submissive with a fellow person at the bar. You want to wait for that moment, and ideally you want to wait for acknowledgement. Now, this gets back to cruising, and cruising has a lot to do with eye contact. And if someone's making eye contact with you, then you have some base permission to approach. And if they give you a nod, or if you both walk to another area of the bar and make eye contact again, that is very clear permission to approach. When you do that, you want to avoid theatrical submission. You're not going to approach dominant and simply kneel before them. That is presumptuous and it is a little bit um, it's a little bit just theater, right? It's a little bit just theater. Now, it comes from a beautiful place. I'm a submissive person, I think you're a dominant person. I want to show my submission to you, but it presumes a lot, like it presumes that they're worth your submission, it presumes they're interested in your submission, and so I don't really want to suggest that. Instead, wait for a moment, wait for acknowledgement, approach, introduce yourself with a handshake. As you're interacting with a dominant person for the first time, you're gonna want to consider what you are willing to extend on credit. Because someone has to take the leap. Either as a submissive person, you're gonna have to start calling that dominant. You're interested in sir or daddy. Don't use master, that's super presumptuous, right? If you're gonna call him sir, that's a beautiful umbrella term. That's a little leap of faith. That is something you're extending on credit. You are assuming this person actually lives up to your notion of what a sir should embody. And it's okay to sort of extend that on credit. I actually always wait for a submissive to give me an honorific before I call them boy or pup or son or anything, because I don't presume that I don't presume their submission belongs to me in any way, right? And if I'm calling them boy, then I'm already sort of laying a kind of claim to their identity that I don't really have. But the moment in conversation someone calls me sir, then I feel entirely authorized to call them boy. So there's a little bit of who's gonna take that first leap? I really feel like when you're approaching, it is up for the submissive to take the first leap and call someone sir if they feel comfortable with that. Because I'm not gonna impose your submission. I'm not gonna call you boy. I find that presumptuous from me. But whoever calls whoever what first, it is still extended on credit. It's still on the assumption that that person is going to live up to your expectations of what that is. And so once you call someone sir for the first time, or if you call someone boy for the first time, then you're gonna want to watch and listen. You're gonna pay very close attention to how they behave, how they stand, how they treat you, what they say, how they say it, because you need to determine whether or not what you have extended on credit is theirs to keep. Are you going to keep calling this person sir because they act like a sir? Are you gonna keep calling this person boy because they act like a boy? So someone makes the leap and extends an honorific on credit, and then you watch and listen. In terms of approaching a submissive, a lot of it is still kind of the same. Now, I will say I rarely approach submissives. I kind of wait to be approached. Now, part of this is I'm an introvert and I hate people. So I'm more than content to just stand at the bar by myself, kind of on the edge, watching the crowd. And so I'm usually not motivated to go off and meet people because I don't like people. It's part of who I am as an introvert. Um, and that's part, that's a large part of I think why I wait for people to approach me. Um, I'm trying to remember if I've ever made the first approach on a boy. Well, you know what? I've made a first approach on some men who then turned out to be boys. So yes, I have done that on occasion. And again, the approach is the same. Like, if you're approaching a submissive, you must first treat them not as a submissive, but as a human being, that they are autonomous, that their submission belongs to themselves or to someone else, but it does not automatically belong to you. And I think I've heard a lot of stories from various submissive peoples about being in public spaces like a bar, and some dominant assuming that just because they are a submissive, that that dominant can order them around. No, obviously not. If you're approaching a submissive, treat them like a human being, treat them as autonomous, treat their submission as not yours yet, as in fact something to be earned. And that means go up, introduce yourself, handshake. Same thing, right? Treat them like a human being. And you also want to make sure that you don't really move into a command mode unless there's very clear consent given. And this is important for a couple reasons. For first of all, it's about respecting them as human beings who require consent. It's about respecting their submission and the preciousness of it. And those are very important things when we're in these sorts of spaces. So obviously, the other big thing about approaching submissives, and this is a this is a complicated rule because historically, the way I was brought up, if someone's in a collar, then they are taken, and you need to probably not approach them. Uh, if we're talking about high formal protocol, I would never simply approach someone in a collar because I don't know that I have permission to speak to them. Now, if they were there with their dominant, I might orient myself to the dominant first and then be able to talk to the submissive. But historically, if someone's in a collar, that means they are taken, they are claimed, and they are not to be approached. This has shifted radically, which is beautiful because kink leather, this is a living thing that grows and evolves. And because a lot of times people just wear collars because they like collars, or they wear collars to keep creepy people from hitting on them, or they wear collars because they and their boyfriend collared each other, and they're not even really dominant or submissive, but they both like collars, right? I can no longer assume that someone in a collar has been collared by a dominant person. I still behave the same. I still, the safest thing for me is to assume, is to assume that you are owned, you are taken, and therefore I should not be approaching you. Um there is like, I mean, we're all still human beings, right? So I can, it's not like I'm I'm not allowed to talk to you, but I certainly would not take you as an object to be pursued. So if you're approaching a dominant, wait for acknowledgement, introduce yourself, extend sir on credit, and then see if they're worth keeping that credit. If you're approaching a submissive, definitely treat them like a human being. Definitely don't assume their submission belongs to you. Definitely wait until you have some sort of consent from them before you start giving them orders or acting in a more dominant manner. And if they're collared, proceed with extreme caution because you don't know what that collar means. However, the safest approach is to assume that it means they are taken completely. Now, sometimes you'll want to approach a couple or a triad or a little cluster of very hot men in gear, right? And with polyamory, it's really hard to tell. Is this group of friends? Is this, you know, what is this? We don't know. So the nice thing is, once again, because we're humans, you can still go up and introduce yourself and give a handshake. Even in these spaces, even though we're leather people in these spaces, we're also people. And so regular politeness goes a long way. Wait for an opening, don't interrupt conversation, wait for an opening, introduce yourself, handshake. If you're approaching a couple or a triad or a cluster of hot people in leather, you want to pay attention again to the body geometry. Are they in a very closed posture, which would indicate that they want to be by themselves, that they are in their own little cluster and are not open to other people coming in. Is one of them standing behind the other, which indicates a very clear, submissive posture, and therefore you should not be talking to that person, but to the dominant. The trouble with approaching couples is that you don't know their protocol. You don't know how they communicate to each other, you don't even really know who they are to each other. Because protocol tends to be internal, private to a specific relationship, you can't know what protocol they follow. But just as I find the safest rule of thumb is if I see someone colored, don't approach. I also feel the safest rule of thumb when I'm meeting a couple where one's clearly dominant and one's clearly submissive is to orient to the dominant person. Acknowledge everyone, but I will do most of my speaking to the dominant until it's clear that the protocol of their relationship allows me to talk to all of them. And again, it's not like these are hard, fast rules. And it's not like, I mean, things shift so much and evolve in our community in beautiful ways that these rules often change quickly, I will say. I always go for the safest thing. The safest thing is always collar means you're take it. Safest thing is couple means I'm gonna talk to the dominant. It's a way of making sure that I'm least likely to offend. Because people are still people, it is also perfectly correct to ask respectfully, you know, can I speak to your boy? Can you tell me about your dynamic? I want to make sure I respect your dynamic. You can ask them about it without them, without having to pry. It's true that just respect and politeness goes really, really, really, really far. Now, one of the ways our community has evolved, of course, is that it has moved into digital spaces. And so the digital approach protocol is not entirely different from the protocol of approach in person. And it tends to really mirror it quite a bit. So, first message should be engaging, introductory, without being demanding, without assuming their dominance or their submission belongs to you. And this can get really complicated because in social media there's a very curated, crafted image. And because we are often consuming social media in states of arousal, I'll just say that, because we consume so much social media in states of arousal that we then assume that that image of that person and the person behind that image is already in the fantasy that we have in our minds, which is not true. They're actually probably just buying groceries or doing dishes or walking their dog, right? So the first approach in a DM needs to be respectful and introductory. I will say for me, one word DMs do not get answers. If it's just hello, hey, woof, wow, howdy. I just this is again because my intro, you know, introverts hate small talk. And if you start with that, then you're really starting with small talk. Hello, and then I say, hello, and then they say, How are you doing? And I say, I'm fine, how are you? And then they say, I'm doing great. I don't need all that. So if you want to approach me, I prefer messages that have something to say. They have a question they want to ask me, or they say real statement that gives me something to engage with. Again, that isn't presuming that I am their dominant, but is still a way of engaging me as a person, which will then lead to other possibilities. Definitely, definitely do not, do not begin with explicit photos or video calls from nowhere. I've had many people just send me pictures of various body parts, which is presumptuous, which is a little rude, and uh which really shows they don't know me at all. Like the last thing I'm interested in is random pictures of body parts. So don't ever do that. It's it I mean, in it because again, we're mirroring online spaces, and it would be like showing up at a bar and dropping your pants and uh doing some sort of display. No, granted, in some bars that is perfectly appropriate. But in digital spaces, let's not start with the explicit photos. The other thing about digital spaces is really respect response time. Not everyone's on social media all the time. I go through large periods where I'm I'm not paying attention to my social media at all. And so don't assume they're going to get back to you right away. And then if they don't get back to you, don't just keep sending more messages. Either wait even longer for a response or accept that they are not willing to respond to you. No communication is communication, and you should respect that. Obviously, in terms of respect as well, you don't want to be forwarding someone's DMs without consent, that discretion is part of our digital protocol. A lot of times the lives people are living on social media are in tension with their careers or with their personal lives. And so we want to be mindful of that and respectful of that, that a conversation happening in a DM is between you two, or however many are in the DM, right? It is not to be shared widely. Finally, I will also say like it's useful to actually read people's profiles before you send them a message. It is a real way of showing respect and a real way of showing an interest in engaging. So for example, I have I get messages all the time. Where are you? I'm in Fort Lauderdale. It's in my profile. It's in every single profile I have on every single platform. And it just sort of tells me that, you know, for me, I feel like people get all caught up in the images and they don't even think about the fact there's a human being behind them. And so, and so they send the inappropriate DM. And so they send a photo of their butthole, and so they send a message that assumes somehow I'm already there, sir, because they haven't even bothered to consider the fact that I'm actually human and not just image. And one way to do that is to read whatever text is in the profile. Have it in your head, be mindful of it, and be mindful of approaching a human being, which I guess is sort of right. This is this is the theme when it comes to the protocol of approach. You are approaching a human being. You are not approaching a sir, you're not approaching a master, you're not approaching a boy, you're not approaching a slave, you're not approaching a pup, you're not approaching a kitten, you're not approaching any of those things. You are approaching a human being. Act like a human being. Be polite and be respectful. And then if things align and if signals are given and received, then you can transition into roles of dominance and submission. And let me say, you know, I I said earlier, like, I, and this is especially true in in uh digital communication, I don't call anyone boy until they call me sir. And even then, several times I've asked people, is that a sir, sir, or a southern polite, sir? And more than once they've said, oh, that's a southern polite, sir. Right? So there if there are people who are raised a certain way, that you just call people sir. That is simply being polite. And it doesn't mean I want you to be my sir. So there are situations where I will absolutely even clarify whether or not they are actually calling me sir before I start treating them like a boy. Obviously, because protocol is unwritten, because it is shifting and growing and evolving, there are times we're gonna fuck it up. That's just gonna happen. And um, and that's okay. Repair and recovery is a part of moving into social spaces and moving through the community. So if someone corrects you about something because you called them boy, but they only identify as pup, don't fight them on that. Thank them, make a note of the correction, and move on. If you really fuck something up, if you've done a misstep, apologize once and move on. And no is neutral information. No is not rejection. If someone tells you no, it has nothing to do about you. Probably has more to do with what's going on in their lives. So do not take it as rejection, but do take it as a sign that it might be time to move on. You might also find that there are microcustoms within a given space, within a given bar of who hangs out in the bathroom and who hangs out at the pool table, or don't hang out at the pool table because we're playing pool. There might be other protocols that you will come to learn as you spend time in a space. Across all of these things, Part of what you'll find is that protocol turns awkwardness into invitation. Approaching anyone is scary because none of us want to get rejected. Not a single one of us want to feel rejection. It is not not a good feeling. But if we think about protocols, protocols are really a way of keeping ourselves safe. And that's true within a relationship, and it's true with the protocols of approach. It is a way of keeping us safe. And that's why eye contact, which is a sign of acknowledgement, okay, that's a sign I can approach. That's why I'm going to start off treating you like a human, because if you're not interested in me, then I'm not going to reach that point of rejection. I'm just going to be human to human and then we end it. So what could be awkward becomes a little less awkward through protocol. And getting things right isn't really about um knowing all the rules. It's about being aware of people and the context. So that's how do you approach people, both dominants, submissives, people who you don't even know if they're dominant or submissive, people in couples. Approach them like a human being. But let's think more about the protocol of leather spaces. This sort of community protocol is a little bit like our culture in motion. So the private protocol is a way of expressing who we are to each other. You're sir, I'm boy, whatever, whatever. The protocol of approach is a way of navigating the awkwardness of a first social interaction. And the community protocols are a way of expressing to each other we belong to the same community. In general, you want to observe first and act later. So if you're in a play space, watch. Do not approach anyone, watch. Later, after the play is done, after the aftercare is done, after the next day, if you're at an event, right, then you make the approach. Scenes are sacred. You never, ever, ever, ever walk into someone's scene, get in the way of someone's scene, assume you can touch the submissive in someone's scene. Never, ever, ever. A lot of this has to do with being mindful of space. And that's especially true in play spaces, because it is very easy to walk right in the way of someone's flogging, right into the way of someone's whipping. Those sorts of scenes require a lot of space, and that space is a little dynamic. Like you don't know how much space they're taking up, depending on what point of the scene you come into and where the whip or flogger is at that point in time. So being mindful of space means really keeping track of who's doing what to whom and making sure you don't cross any lines, literally, the line of the flogger, the line of the whip, the line of the paddle. But being mindful of space is also being mindful of people's personal space and really knowing when it's okay to approach and when it's not. And people will signal when it's okay to approach. And there are lots of places, if we're thinking about an event, generally speaking, there's a main gathering area, there's a lobby, there's a party, there's a bar. And those are generally neutral spaces where it's pretty okay to approach. Obviously, in all of these spaces, no unsolicited touch, no photography without permission, and in play spaces or dungeons, no noise that's going to really disrupt. And this is complicated depending on who you're playing with and how they process pain, for example, they may be making a lot of noise. Trust that there will be some sort of dungeon monitor who can help you figure out what levels are appropriate for that space. Sometimes really, really loud screaming is fine, sometimes it's not. But you may not know the answer. Dungeon monitors do. And you want to pay. Dungeon monitor is someone you always obey. And it's someone you always obey because they have they have all the power. And their responsibility is not simply to keep you safe, but to keep the space safe. And that means that everyone can enjoy it. And that's why we absolutely do anything, a dungeon monitor says. Um, you know, I will also take special note of some of the protocol at contests, because I've more than once been at contests where the MC has had to shush the crowd because they're talking so loud that we can't hear contestants give their speech. And this is really, this is interestingly, this is an effect of intersecting protocols. So there's a protocol of a leather contest where it's a show, so you're not talking, you clap when you're supposed to clap, you shout for a contestant when you want to shout, you laugh when something's funny, but you you know, but you but you're there paying attention to the stage.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So contests, there's a contest thing, and we know how to behave at a contest. But a lot of times these contests are at bars, and bars are exactly the place where you talk and you be social and you drink and you get louder because you've been drinking. And so when you have a contest in a bar, it becomes really complicated because the protocol of the bar, sociality, and the protocol of the contest, be a little quiet, conflict. I will ask, if you are at a contest and it's coming to the portion, any speaking portion with the contestants, if you are not in a place where you want to pay close attention to that, step as far away as possible, perhaps even outside the bar, to have conversation or keep conversation as quiet as possible. Bars will have their own protocol, events will have their own protocol, contests will have their own protocol. A lot of times the way we learn these is by being observational within a space and seeing how other people are interacting. It's a way of teaching us the best way to approach. Now, at events, in particular, the uh the protocol of approach that we talked about at a bar applies at events as well. So orient yourself to the dominant, don't assume that the simissive is yours to be ordered around, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. All of these things continually evolve and evolve not simply to shifting circumstances, but to shifting needs so that we might find more protocol, our protocols might become more inclusive because as a community, we're trying to become more inclusive. I think there's also needs to be a kind of understanding of the range of neurodiversity in our communities, because some neurodivergent people may struggle with public protocols because a lot of times they rely on picking up subtle social cues. And depending on your flavor of neurospiciness, you simply may not have the ability to pick up on those cues, and that can lead to a lot of missteps. I think it's important for us more than ever to be understanding and forgiving of people who have different brain structures and to make space for them. So I've certainly met some people who are very neurodivergent, and I the big thing is I don't get offended. I don't get offended. In general, I don't get offended. But I think it's important for us to continue to evolve the protocol as our community tends to evolve and as who's in it tends to evolve. Throughout all of this, you know, if we go back to the sort of private protocol between individuals, that is something you build yourself, and that really creates your own dialect of respect. It really, your personal protocol is how you communicate who you are to the world around you. So, for example, I know some submissive people who live by their own protocol and they open doors for people and they call everyone sir or ma'am, or they act fully submissive in a way that is socially acceptable, and they do that all the time. And that becomes this sort of protocol they've created that works in one-on-one relationships, that works in approach spaces, that works in community spaces. So you want to be thinking about your own protocol and how you want to live it. And part of that is going to be thinking about what makes you feel safe, valued, connected, what you want to communicate about yourself. Is it your dominance? Is it your versatility? Is it your openness to conversation? Is it the fact you're an introvert and you hate people? Think about that. And like any protocol, you're going to want to review your own personal protocol as it evolves, as you refine it. At the end of the day, protocol remains fundamentally about communication. And it is a communication that takes place beyond the verbal, that takes place in the orientation of bodies within a space, that takes place in motion, how people move through a space or move towards or away from a person. And it binds everyone. If we're all, if we have some basic, and protocol varies a lot. Varies a lot by event, by bar, by location, by region, by country, right? But to the extent that we have some common protocol of respect in the community, things like, I think it's pretty universally true, don't walk into the middle of anyone's scene, right? Because we have some common elements of protocol, it creates a shared meaning. And that's part of what binds community into community. So as you think about your own protocol, I hope you will think about what values you think about who you are, think about what's important to you, and think about how you want to move through the world in a way that expresses that all the time, that expresses that to other people, to people in the community, to people outside the community. I hopefully provided an entry ramp into various kinds of protocol. And go back and listen to if you want to hear about protocol between two people, then go back and listen to the original episode. But this time we've been thinking more about basic protocols of approach and basic protocols of communal spaces. And hopefully it gives you a place in. Because I think the one downside about protocol is if you don't know it, you feel lost and you feel like an outsider. Um so hopefully I've at least given you ways to move into the community. I'm also thinking, oh, you know, the other, here's a random piece of protocol. And this is I don't even, I don't even know if I want to call this protocol, but and this is, you know, it's so funny because I just carry around things that have been inherited, and I'm pretty sure some of them go all the way back to old guard. Not that I consider myself old guard, but obviously certain practices, certain teachings just kind of stuck across generations. And one of the ones that has stuck for me has been you, generally speaking, don't touch a person's leather. But most importantly, you never, ever touch someone's cover. I don't even know who taught me that. Um, but I recall very specifically, I was in another city uh at their local leather bar. It had a, you know, it's a city with a beautiful city with a decent leather community. I was at the leather bar sitting around a table with uh my boy and some other leather people, and this very hot guy came up and was talking to us, and I had my cover on the table, and he picked it up and put it on his head. And sorry, sorry, that was a really loud laugh, sorry. Everyone around the table, we all like jaw-dropped our eyes, giant eyes, like, oh my god, what did he just do? And and this person was oblivious because even though he was in that community space, it was clear that he hadn't found his entry ramp into the community. And I didn't say anything, I was not offended. I was I was flabbergasted, I was shocked. Everyone at the table registered some degree of shock that anyone would ever do that, which is interesting because that really reveals how deep that protocol is settled into the community, even though I don't know that it's explicitly taught anywhere. We were all shocked. I wasn't pissed, but but uh but I did instantly know, okay, this is a person who is not in the community in a way that I'm in a community, not in this community the way that I'm in this community. But it also could have just as easily been this is a person who did not have on-ramps into protocol and and therefore is in the space, but not in the community. And I guess I kind of wondered whether or not he would have wanted on-ramps, protocol on ramps. And in case there are other people like that, I'm hoping this episode gives you a place to start, because there's nothing worse than being at an event, being at a bar, being in a play space, you're wearing all the right things, but it's as though nobody sees you. That is very painful, I know. And the remedy to that is to begin to understand these unwritten communicative codes of the community so that as you enact protocol, the way you carry yourself, the way you place your body in relation to other bodies, the way you talk to other people, the way you interact with other people, the moment you can start even navigating some protocol, that helps people see you. And being seen is what means you're there. You're in, you're part of that community. And that can be deeply, deeply, deeply fulfilling. So between the last episode and this one, I'm hoping that everyone has a chance to find their own on-ramp into protocol, even as then, once they're in the community, once they know some common protocols, they begin to shape their own. And I hope that helps some of you. And that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for joining me. Please consider subscribing, or you can send feedback to edge at fullcal.show. As always, may your leather journey be blessed.