Finding Your Leather Tribe

Leather can feel like a closed circle until someone hands you a map and reminds you that there’s more than one way to belong. We sit down with Graham Clark, an Australian leatherman who identifies as a daddy, to talk about his book Finding Your Leather Tribe and the real problem it solves: not just learning “how leather works,” but finding people who make your desires feel legible, welcome, and safe. 

We dig into the idea of a second coming out, first as gay, then as leather or BDSM, and why that process can still be emotional even with endless information online. Graham shares how he collected coming out stories from leathermen around the world, what he looked for, and what made some stories too painful to revisit. We also talk about why international leather culture matters, where representation is growing, and where political reality and language barriers still make visibility harder. 

Then we shift to the practical side: consent and negotiation as baseline skills, plus the nuts and bolts of building a living resource guide with bars, clubs, social groups, retailers, events, and apps. Graham explains how the website expands beyond the book and why community submissions are essential to keeping it accurate and truly global. 

To close, Ask Edge tackles a challenging question about feederism and a weight gain fetish: how to work through shame, apply risk-aware consensual kink, protect health, and cope with a society that judges bodies harshly when a fetish is visible every day. If you’ve ever wondered how community changes what you can accept about yourself, this conversation goes there. 

Subscribe for more kink and leather education, share this with a friend who’s searching for their people, and leave a review so others can find the show.

Transcript

Mature Audience Disclaimer And Welcome

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Let's talk about finding your leather truck. This podcast contains material intended for a mature audience. Before proceeding, please check your local laws and confirm that you are an adult. Welcome to Full Cow podcast about Leather Kink and PDSM. My name is Edge, my pronouns are he, him, and I'm your host. In this episode, we're going to be speaking with Graham Clark, the author of a new book called Finding Your Leather Tribe. It's a book for those who are maybe finding their way into leather, but it also I think celebrates the diversity of paths that we take to get into leather. And so I think it's a good read for anyone. We also have one ask-edge question. In fact, it's one of the most challenging questions I think I've encountered. So it's going to be a pretty interesting episode. I'm very happy with it. I hope you like it. And let's get started.

Meet Graham Clark And His Book

SPEAKER_00 1:24

And I am absolutely thrilled to have with me the author of the new book, Finding Your Leather Tribe, Graham Clark. Graham, welcome to Full Cow.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Thank you very much. It's good to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

It's good to have you here as well. Can you start by telling us your pronouns and how you identify in the community?

SPEAKER_01 1:43

My pronouns are he, him, and uh in the leather community, I identify as a daddy.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Hey daddy. Good to have you here. And uh Graham is in Australia, so we we had to schedule this very delicately to deal with the 14-hour time difference. And I appreciate you coming so early in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Oh, that's fine. I mean, it's it's 9 a.m. I've been um up since about six actually, because my partner gets up early to head off to work, and it's all but impossible to get back to sleep after that. So I've got it now for about three hours. Yeah, yeah. Some people can do it, you know, they can just fall asleep after their partner has gone. But I I've tried, but I can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

I don't blame you. So finding your leather tribe, can you start by just telling us what is this book about?

The Second Coming Out In Leather

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Uh that's a good question. Um, it is about, as the title says, um, let let's say you're um interested in leather fetish BDSM. Um you you're looking to explore um you know your potential fetish. I say potential because you may not have made up your mind at that stage, but I just wanted to kind of make it easier for you know young men who are coming through who are interested in leather to find their way, like provide them with a compass in a sense, so uh like a um voices. I wanted to showcase voices of other leather men and the journey that they they've been on, as in they've come out initially as a gay man and then they've then come out to their uh their fetish. Um and I just remember back to my own situation um way back in in the late 1980s. Um, you know, I I knew nothing and I didn't know where to get started in terms of finding out more about leather, the leather community, and so on. So yeah, I just thought it would be great to firstly showcase uh stories from leathermen around the world and their experience coming out, but also provide a resource, um, you know, uh so that like not a not a compendium, but just um some a way of uh uh whereby they can get started. You know, they can look at the social groups that are in the book and you know, pick um a social group that's um close to them and you know uh make their mind up as to whether or not they want to to go along to to this particular social group. Assuming they have one, you know, obviously not every not every um location in the world has a local leather group.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Um but yeah, it's just I wanted to, you know, give back to the leather community because I've been, you know, I've been into leather now since the late 1980s, and it's it's been amazing. And yeah, I just I thought this is how I can, you know, give my two cents worth.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Yeah, and I I'm so glad you wrote it. I I have people coming to me all the time looking for people who are beginners looking for resources, and there aren't that many books still in print. Like there are a lot of books that used to be in print, but sort of have fallen out of print. So it's great to have a new resource. Um I also love you sort of mentioned in the introduction, and you mentioned a little bit just now that this idea of a second coming out, because that was very much my experience, like yours. I came out as a gay man and then I came out as a leather man. Do you find that still happens today with everyone's access to information online or or what how do you see the leather coming out process now?

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Oh, that's interesting. Um I I I don't I'm not an expert. I mean, I go to my local um pub, uh Gay Pub, the Lead Hotel. I spend time there, especially on a Thursday night when they have spit and polish. In terms of young um gay men, um, I don't actually know very many of them, to be honest. Most of the gay men that I that I associate with at the Lead Hotel are in their you know mid to late 30s upwards. Um so it's a really interesting question. I know when I was thinking about doing this, I thought, you know, is there a need for this? Um, because you know, most people have got access to the internet nowadays, but I do meet people, uh leather men from time to time who say, Look, you know, I love what you're doing. Um, and I want to get the book, but I'm gonna wait until it comes out as a soft cover or a hard cover. So, you know, uh like we we all nowadays seem to think that most people want to read books on their Kindle, for example, but there are still a lot of people nowadays who want to have the actual physical experience of opening a book, turning the pages themselves, highlighting content in there and so on, putting in um sticky notes and all that kind of thing. So, yeah, look, in terms of the the leather community today, I I feel like I'm a little bit removed in that I don't know many young leather men when I say young, you know, under say 30. Um but yeah, I I really don't know. Um it's a it's a good question. Um, I don't know what your thoughts are.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

I mean, do well, I mean, I I I I I mean you talked about people actually wanting the physical book and and the kind of like neurodivergent, geeky gamer men who tend to be coming into leather right now are also the kind who like to actually read books. So I do think there's a place for it, despite all the sort of endless scrolling that happens online. So I think it's a valuable resource.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Yeah, I I I hope so. Um, I mean, the thing is, um, I like a challenge. So I I I looked upon this as a challenge initially um because the backstory is that um last year I had what Queen Elizabeth described as an anus herebolis. Um I was looking for work. And if do you remember she said that in um I think 1992, she was having a really bad year. So last year um I was looking for work during the first half of the year, it wasn't going very well. I felt like I was starting to go down a bit of a rabbit hole, and this project came along purely by accident. I I got onto Amazon, I was looking for something interesting to read. Amazon decided to show me, like it does, um, coming out stories. And I thought, oh, that's a bit random. It's like, why would it be showing me coming out stories? And I looked at one or two of them, and then you know, I thought, oh yeah, this is interesting, coming out stories. And then I thought, I wonder if there are any coming out stories for gay men, as in gay men who have come out, but then come out again, you know, in terms of their they've come out to their sexuality and then they need to come out to their fetish, or fetish is. Um, I know one um gay man here in Melbourne who has come out at least three times that I know of. He's he came out as a gay man, he came out as a drag queen, he's he came out as a leather man. I don't know, maybe maybe he's come out as well more than three times, but I know for sure he's come out three times. And as you and I both know, coming out, it's not just you know, you come out and that's it. It's like it's ongoing, it's it's never ending. So, you know, you sometimes you meet new people, and then it's like, okay, I need to come out to this person because I don't think they realize that I'm a gay man, but I'm also a leather man. So it's there's degrees of coming out to different people in your life, I think. Um, but yeah, in terms of the book, um I'm bringing out a soft cover later in the year. That's my plan anyway. And I'm hopeful that um, you know, if I promote it enough, um, it's a labor of love. If I promote it enough, people will start to look at it and they'll think, oh yeah, this is a really useful book. Um, you know, I I should get a copy. So, you know, we'll see. Fingers crossed.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Fingers crossed. And um, we will have information on where to get the book in the show notes. So please check that out if you'd like a copy of the book. I love that you're focusing on coming out stories because the book has a really interesting structure. It's not just here's the great knowledge of how to do leather. You really foreground a number of coming out stories. And can you tell me more about I mean, now I understand why you made that decision, but how is it trying to find all these stories? How much work was that? What was the reception? What was that process like for you?

Collecting Coming Out Stories Worldwide

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Oh, it was a huge piece of work. Um, I started looking for I basically I started stalking leather men. It's like I got onto Instagram, I got onto Facebook, um, you know, I I used uh in Instagram, I used collections. I don't know if you're familiar with collections, but you know, if you see, if you see a photo um of someone, you can you know create a collection and it can be a collaborative collection. So I could create a collection and it's a collection of photos. I can then save those photos. So what I did was I'd been using it previously to save photos of hot guys, as you do, you know, for your wank bank and all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Sure, of course.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Um, and what what I did was I decided to start creating um collections for you know Canada, for Mexico, for Germany, etc. So leather men who are based in those countries, so that I could find them um later on and you know potentially reach out to them to see if they were interested in being surveyed. Um, I thought, you know, because of the time difference, um, I would make it easier on myself and just put together a Google Sheet with um, oh, I think it ended up being 30 questions. So what I was doing was I was approaching leathermen um on Facebook and also Instagram and also referrals. I had friends of mine who said, Oh, what about such and such a person, you know, um, over in France or Germany or the UK, whatever. So I did that. I did a lot of stalking basically for all the right reasons. Sure. And some of the leathermen, interestingly enough, some of them said they didn't want to revisit that period, that time in their life when they came out because it was too traumatic. Um, I had a small number of leathermen that um made that decision, and and I respect that 100%. Um, others were like, yep, that's fine. I'm I'm definitely interested. So I sent them the link, and you know, at the beginning of the um the survey, I wanted to make sure that they did, in fact, identify as leathermen. So that was one of the first questions I asked them. I said, Do you identify as a leather man? Because I thought I don't want someone filling it in, filling in the form thinking that they might become a leather man. I want someone who's got a bit of experience. Um, so that's what I did. I sent my survey off. I ended up getting back about 30 responses. Um, I've showcased 21 of them at this stage in the book. Um, the ones that were, you know, John West rejects and all that kind of stuff, the ones that I didn't include were um because I already had some of the stories were very similar, they had a similar arc, and I thought, well, I don't want to end up repeating myself. Uh, and also some of them were not particularly well written. Um, you know, it was a bit disappointing. Some people, in their responses, I gave them ample time to kind of elaborate, but some of them were kind of yes, no. I went to my local leather bar and I'm like, okay, can you be a bit more descriptive? Can you tell me what you what you heard, what you saw, what you felt, what you smelt, and so on. So, yeah, so I've ended up with 21 stories. In fact, I've got two more that are coming uh within the next couple of months. So this project is still evolving. Um, I've finally found um uh a leather man who was married and had kids because that that was something that I was really interested in. Um they it was very hard to find leather men who hadn't just come out, you know, when in their teens as a gay man and then be come out as a leather man. I want I was looking for leathermen who may have started life as female, for example, uh, and then you know, transitioned, became male, and then decided they wanted to become um, you know, a leather man. So yeah, I it was it was very challenging um looking for you know those particular um niches. But yeah, um mostly in the book I've got gay men, men who have come out as gay and then come out as leathermen, or who are in the process of coming out as leathermen, that is. Um, but yeah, in terms of the book, I didn't just want it to be a collection of coming out stories. I thought, you know, because you'll you'll read the book and then that's it. You know, you you you won't revisit the content. And I thought, what I really want to do is provide um a companion, as it were, a guide to help you in terms of finding the information that you need. In, you know, for example, social groups, leather retailers, um uh a further reading list, you know, nonfiction books and books. Um I just wanted to kind of make it easier to come out as um a leather man. And so that's what I did. I kind of put all of this together. The first section is mostly the coming out stories, and then the second section is um information about leather bars and so on, and then towards the end, I've got information uh in part three about apps and um you know looking for uh leather, the leather community on the internet, you know, using apps like Grinder and Locked and all of those.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Yeah, and uh

International Leather Culture And Diversity Gaps

SPEAKER_00 16:51

one of the things I really uh valued about your book, because you know, so a lot of the classic books like The Leatherman's Handbook or Leather Sex by Joseph Bean are very centered in American leather culture, but you made a real effort to make sure you had quite a bit of international representation. I'm assuming that was quite intentional.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

It was very intentional. Um I thought I really want to make this relevant to as uh many leathermen as possible, not just in Australia or in the US, but you know, my focus has been North America, South America, Europe, and Australia. Um I tried to find leathermen, for example, in Africa. I thought, oh, maybe there are some leathermen who were like in Algeria or um Morocco, but I couldn't find any. I think it may be because I mean I'm just surmising here, but I'm I'm assuming that you know, being into leather, depending upon your geography, it's not going to work. Like if you live in a um, you know, a tropical location, that would be very challenging.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

I don't know, I'll say I'm in Florida. I make it work, but you know, I do have access to Western comforts that not everyone has access to. So there is that.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

But there is that, there is that. And also, you know, politically as well, I just thought, yeah, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll find um a leather man in South Africa, for example, or like I said, Morocco, Algeria. But so far I haven't found any. But you know, I've found that there's a sizable uh community of leathermen in um Argentina, Brazil, and also Colombia, which was surprising to me. I didn't think that I would find that, but I did. But yeah, it was definitely an intentional effort. I thought I want stories where as much as possible from around the world. I don't just want stories from London and New York kind of thing, because I thought that would be boring, you know, they'd all be kind of similar. Um, I want stories from, you know, the guys who are living in uh in the country, for example, in rural environments. Um so yeah, I was hoping I would get some leathermen from India as well. I tried to find them, but um it hasn't happened yet. But maybe if I bring out a new edition, you know, in the years to come, um, I'll have in the meantime been able to find more leathermen across the world.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Well, and I I know in in the book you do make a call for even more kinds of diverse leather people, like people of different uh of non-binary or trans people. Like you're really aware that that leather um isn't this cis white male American European thing, and I think that's pretty valuable. And I'm hoping people will answer your call as they discover the book.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Yeah, me too. Uh like in terms of uh the stories that I've got now, I really am hoping to increase the number of stories by the time I get to bring out the soft cover in July, August. Um, but yeah, I would really like to have more variety because, like I said, some of the stories were quite similar. Um, you know, like for example, we had stuff I had stories um about leather men who whose partner had passed away from HIV AIDS. I thought that was interesting, you know. I would have really liked to explore that more, but then the the thing was um I could didn't want the survey to be like a hundred questions because then no one's going to finish it. I thought I have to make it no more than 30 questions. And you know, a few of the leather men have asked me why I there are no questions in the survey about leather sex, and I thought, well, you know, that might be the next book. Um, but I just thought I need to draw the line somewhere. Um, and you know, I you know, I love leather sex. We all do, you know, there is it it makes makes life so much more interesting. But I thought that might just have to wait. This I'm just gonna focus on, you know, coming out as a gay man and then coming out to your fetish. But I wanted to allow for the fact that not every leather man is white, some of them are in China or you know, South Korea, Japan. There's a whole um I've surprisingly I found a number of leathermen in Japan. Um, and you know, I I look at their content and I'm like, wow, like who would have thought? Because we all think of Japan as being a very very homogenous, um, but there are leather men there. And there are leathermen in Taiwan, in Hong Kong. There are a small number I've encountered in China, but like I said, I haven't been able to get any of them to complete my survey at this stage.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

And you know, you you don't really in the book, you don't have a section on leather sex, but you really do have a you have a great section about things like consent and negotiation and and some real basic skills.

Consent And Negotiation As Basics

SPEAKER_00 22:00

To sort of operate in the leather world. Can you talk a little bit about what made you think of that or how you put that part together?

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Um I thought it was important because, you know, consent is consent. I mean, um I just thought, even though we don't, like you said, talk about leather sex, um, I wanted to, you know, make uh budding leather men aware of the fact that, you know, consent is front and center of you know being a leather man because being a leather man implies at some point you will have sex with another leather man. It's gonna happen sooner or later. Um, and you know, there are certain things you need to um, what's the word that you need to incorporate into your lifestyle as a leather man, like you know, leather sex. Do you wear leather and and have sex in leather with other leathermen um in the privacy of your own home or in a club? Um so I just wanted to, I thought it was important to talk about consent um and you know, no meaning no, that kind of thing. So yeah, I put it in there because you know, I thought, well, where else are they going to get this information? Um, you know, that they've got information in the book about leather bars, leather retailers, and I will give them some information about leather sex in general in terms of consent, but yeah, I'm not gonna um include it so much in the stories themselves.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

And the second half of the book is a list of leather shops, leather bars, leather clubs.

Building Resource Lists With Research

SPEAKER_00 23:41

How is how is it assembling that? Because there, if we think globally, there's a lot of leather bars, leather clubs. Like, how did you do that research and and what was that process like for you?

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Uh again, it was it was hard work because um you know I'm not familiar with Europe and North America. Right. In fact, I've never actually been to Folsom. Um, I've never been to IML. So I've been you know living the leather life here in Australia. Uh I have been to Europe, but not, you know, as a leather man, just there on holidays doing an Atlantis cruise years ago. Um again, I I just did a lot of research, as in I mostly did my research on Instagram and also uh Facebook. I found uh a lot of groups in Facebook. Um I didn't leather groups that is, I didn't know those groups existed until last year. Um, and also I used AI. I'm quite happy to admit that I got onto AI and I asked AI, I said, look, are there any leather bars in, you know, name a country, Germany, for example, Poland, Lithuania, whatever, you know, and sometimes it would find um leather bars. Um, and so then, you know, I'd ask it to give me um a list as a Word document and with headings and make sure you know you give me the URL so I can have a look at the website. Because you know, sometimes I I would go to a website and it was in Polish, there was no English translation or whatever, and I thought, well, I can't really use this because they're making it hard for me. It's like so like there were some leather bars that I looked at in Germany, for example, that you know, you could look at the page in English, so they made it easier for you. So I could read the page in English and make that call. Um, so yeah, I mean, it it wasn't easy. Um I I haven't been able to find any leather bars, for example, in South America. I'm sure they exist, but they're all in Spanish and I don't speak Spanish. Um, so they don't have to offer on their websites English alternatives. So I guess I had to focus on the English-speaking world. Um, but I didn't want to just focus on Europe and the US. I wanted to make it Europe, North America, South America, uh, Australia. And obviously, because I live in Australia, I've you know made sure there are leather bars in there across Australia, you know, Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Brisbane, and so on. Um so yeah, the the it was it was hard. And you know, I knew that when I was making the call, it was um early this year, I think it was, late last year, early this year, that I decided I needed to come up with 21 um stories. And I knew that some of the leather men that I had interviewed, uh surveyed would be disappointed. But I thought, well, you know, I never promised that their stories would for sure go into the book. I never made that promise. Um, so yeah, some of them were very disappointed.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Um well, and uh I will say we this podcast has listeners on every continent. And if you're listening and you're in a country that has a local leather bar that you want to share, um please contact Ram because you've you've made it clear that this is also a kind of dynamic project. Because even in the book it says, go check the website. So how are you what are you doing with the website?

Growing The Website With Community Help

SPEAKER_00 27:24

Are you continuing to grow this?

SPEAKER_01 27:27

I am definitely growing the website because um I want to make the content that's in the book, not necessarily the stories, but the information about the leather bars, leather retailers, events, etc. I've been making sure that I put those that information, like if I find out about a new uh leather social group, what I do is I put it into the book and I also put it on on the website as well. Right. So the the other day I did a um a post on social media about the uh the leather and fetish social groups information. At that stage I had something like 52 social groups and I put a post out there and I said, look, you know, if your local leather and social leather and fetish social group isn't on the list, let me know and I'll I'll add it ASAP. So yeah, the I think my my goal is that beyond the book, I want the website to become a useful resource. I don't want to replicate what Bluff are doing on their website or what Leathermen Travel, what Will is doing. I want to supplement that. So I want to because there's a lot of leather groups on Facebook, for example. There are so many of them. And I thought this, I haven't been able to find a listing anywhere of all of those groups. So I'm trying to bring that information across into my website. Um, so that people will think of the website, you know, it's they need a piece of information, you know. Are there any leather social groups in such and such a city? And then hopefully they'll think of the findingyourleather tribe.com website.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

And and so I'm assuming this is an ongoing project for you. You've talked about trying to get more stories, you've talked about maybe a new book on leather sex, you've talked about updating the website. Where do you see you going next with this? What what do you what would be the next version of this or the next thing you want to work on?

Future Editions Kickstarter And Buying Options

SPEAKER_01 29:28

Um that's the $64 million question. Um, first and foremost, I need to get a job. Okay, that's important. Sure.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Because at the moment I'm it does come in handy. At the moment, I'm living on my superannuation. So what I would like to do, uh, say within the next five years is um maybe bring out an expanded edition of the book, um, you know, incorporating more leather bars, uh, more social groups, more leather retailers, and also other um information that I haven't yet thought of. I mean, I'm hoping that once leathermen start to use the book, they'll reach out to me because I've given my contact details in the book in a number of locations. Hopefully they'll reach out to me with their suggestions and say, have you thought about doing this? You know, including a section on uh, like someone the other day mentioned to me, what about a section on um fetish photographers? And I thought, ooh, that's interesting. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, maybe I'll include that in a future edition of the book. But yeah, in terms of what we I mentioned to you before, the leather sex side of things, that's part and parcel of being a leather man in my book. So uh in my book, you know what I mean. Um no comments, but I just thought uh maybe maybe I could bring out a a a leather uh a book about leather sex, the ins and outs of leather sex, and how leather sex has changed over the years. Based on this book, I don't know if you can see this, it's gonna be back to front. Can you see this book? Leather Men Speak Out. This is a favorite of mine. Leathermen Speak Out, an anthology on leather sex. Um so yeah, he brought out this is Jack Ricardo. He brought out two editions of this book. Um, I think this the first one was 1991, the second one 1993 or 94. So I guess it would be from my point of view, it would be really interesting to bring out a book about leather sex because what I was thinking the other day is I wonder if leather sex is leather sex globally, or whether leather sex in Argentina is different to leather sex in Australia, which is different to leather sex in Germany. I don't know. It's like so I think that would be interesting to explore.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Yeah, I do think that would be interesting to explore. And and again, I like that you're really inviting the community to participate because, you know, for example, you talked about going to Pol a Polish website and not being able to speak Polish. But if people can be adding to this, then then they're expanding your limited point of view to include all these other points of views and really further represent what this tribe is. So I love that you're welcoming that and inviting people to kind of participate by contacting you.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

Absolutely. I mean, I'm not I'm not an expert. I'm I'm I you know I can't be in Europe, North America, South America. Um, you know, I I'm hoping that people will reach out to me. Leathermen will reach out to me and say, look, you know, my local leather bar is not in your book. Here are the details. And also, um, you know, my local social group isn't in your book. Um so absolutely. And I'm a great believer, by the way, in um good old Wikipedia. I've been using Wikipedia for years. Um, so that whole concept sits well with me because you know, the what do they call it, the the wisdom of the crowd. Like, you know, I it's too, it would be too hard for me to make myself an expert on you know, leather in North America, South America, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, etc. So yeah, I really want, I really, you know, strongly encourage leather men from around the world to reach out to me. If you've got an idea, a suggestion, um, you know, a um a a retailer, a local retailer that I haven't heard about, let me know. And um, you know, I'll take a look at their website, and then you know, most probably I'll end up putting them either in the book itself or on the website.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Awesome. Um Is there anything we haven't discussed yet that you really want to make sure people know about?

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Uh in terms of the book?

SPEAKER_00 34:07

In terms of anything, you've got you've got the full cow audience here. Any message you want to broadcast?

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Um just that I I had a um in terms of this project, I had a Kickstarter last year, so that's how it all started. So that's like part of my backstory. Um, I just I really didn't know how to do this. And so, you know, I someone said, Well, why don't you have a Kickstarter? So I put a Kickstarter together thinking, you know, maybe I'll get one or two people who will back me. And in the end, I ended up with 50 backers, which I was very happy about, but we didn't reach our goal, unfortunately. Um, I forget what the goal was, but it was really quite modest. Um, so that meant that because we didn't reach the goal, the financial goal, no one was out of pocket. So I didn't, you know, those people that decided to back me, you know, but it was a really interesting experience. I learned a lot about social media, about publishing, um, about you know, promoting the marketing of a concept. Um so yeah, I mean, you know, I don't regret the fact that I did this. And someone actually said to me the other day, you should have another one now that you've had one, you know, because there's no reason why you can't do it two or three times until you know you reach your target. So look, who knows? Maybe I'll have one next year. I don't know, but but um, but yeah, I I just um I find it interesting, like I said to you before, in terms of leather, because I haven't been to IML in Chicago or you know, to a leather bar in San Francisco, it often makes me wonder whether leather here in Australia is the same or is it different to leather over in uh North America?

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Yeah, it's a good question. Um speaking of this book, uh you talked about having it in a soft cover coming later in early in the summer. But if people want to buy it, is it available now? Where do they go? How do you get this?

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Um it is available now as uh a PDF or an EPUB. An EPUB is the the format that you read on on um like on a Kindle or a Nook. Um so you can you can buy on Amazon, for example. You can go to Amazon.com, Amazon.com.au or Amazon.brazil and so on. Um, but you can also buy it from my website. So um you can buy the PDF from my website, or you can buy the ePUB from my website or from the Amazon website as well. And also I've got it um available independently. So I'm not a big fan of Amazon, I'm gonna be honest. Um I thought I really need to do this because Amazon has something like 80% of the ebook market. So I've got it on Amazon and I've also got my book with um Ingram Spark, another well-known publisher, which means my book is available on um I think it's Google Books and also Apple Books as well. So yeah, there are options in the on the website. So if you go to the website, finding your leather tribe.com, and then you'll see there are buttons on there that you can click to go to the appropriate Amazon uh website, and then you can just buy the book and review me. If you buy the book on Amazon, I still don't have any reviews, but I've sold books on Amazon. It's it's quite frustrating. I mean, um, you know, I've I've read a few articles recently where people have said exactly what I've said that you know they've sold like 200 books, but they still don't have any reviews at all on Amazon. It's like people are just um too busy, I guess. Or what's in it for me, you know?

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you get the book, please do leave a review. And I will include in the show notes links to the Finding Your Leather Tribe website and to some direct like links for purchase. And I hope you'll check it out. I really enjoyed looking at the book. I thought the structure of it was really interesting, foregrounding people's stories. I love the international perspective, and I think it's a really good resource list for people who are just getting started. So please, please, everyone out there, consider checking it out. And Graham, it's just been a delight having you here. Um, when you get your second book, perhaps you'll come back.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

Absolutely. Yeah, July, August. Um, I'd love to. I would definitely love to do that.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Awesome. Well, thank you for joining us. Yeah, I hope you have a great Friday over in Australia. It's still Thursday night here in in Florida, but I hope you have a great Friday.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Okay. You're very welcome. Bye. Bye.

Ask Edge Begins A Taboo Fetish Question

SPEAKER_00 39:03

And now it's time for Ask Edge, this segment where I answer questions from all of you. If you would like to submit a question, you can email it to me at ask at fullcal.show, or even better, leave me a voicemail at speakpipe.com slash leatheredge. That's speakpipe.com slash L T H R E D G E. Both of those links are available in all the show notes, any show you look at episodes. They're all over the place because this segment could not exist without you. So please, please consider submitting a question. We

Weight Gain Fetish Shame And Community

SPEAKER_00 39:37

have one very complex question, this time from Pup CJ, who emailed and wrote, Hey Edge, so my questions are in regards to a particular fetish of mine that I don't think I've heard mentioned on your show before. I have a weight gain fetish, sometimes broadly referred to as feederism. More specifically, I identify as an encourager feeder rather than a gainer myself, meaning I really enjoy bigger men who enjoy being big and want to get bigger. This is a fetish that I've struggled to accept for a very long time and have dealt with a lot of shame, repression, and self-hatred in regards to this part of myself. I have felt in a sense that it was too taboo or extreme, even amongst the larger kink fetish community. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this and if you have any opinions or experience with this fetish at all. Secondly, I would like to ask how one might deal with fetishes on the more extreme slash taboo end of the spectrum. For example, gaining a large amount of weight is not something you can just take off when the play session is over, like a piece of gear. It is a quote, massive commitment. Please pardon the pun. Or having to deal with judgment from family, friends, and society by being a bigger person. So how might one walk that line between fantasy and reality, especially when pushing your limits is part of the driving force behind the fetish? I have so much more I'd like to ask, but I'll stop here for now. Thank you so much for all you do, Edge. I appreciate you so much and everything you do for this community. This is a really great question. First of all, I I'm very familiar with the gaining feeding fetish, and I I don't know that it's I'm I don't know where you've been hanging out on the internet, um, on the interwebs, but I've seen quite a bit of it, particularly on X, formerly known as Twitter. So it is an established fetish. It has a community, it has some breakout stars on social media who are recording their gaining journey. And I'm particularly aware of it because I had a local boy who was a gainer, and it was um not, you know, it's connected to some other fetishes. It was not just gaining big belly, it was gaining muscle, and it was also connected to his interest in chastity, which was really an interest in shrinking his cock. So this whole notion of growing bigger is sometimes connected to not just gaining weight, but also to gain muscle, and also inversely connected to shrinking cocks into nubs. So there's I I I understand why you might feel some shame, repression, and self-hatred, but that's only because um all kinks are outside the norm. And I think no matter what you're into, if you don't know that there are others into it, if you don't have a community that will help you normalize it, it feels completely shameful and self-hating, right? And that includes leather itself, it includes rubber, it includes bondage, it includes pain play, right? Like pain play. Jesus Christ, what's wrong with you? Why are you letting someone beat you up? So both the fetish you're into is real and established and has a community. I hope you find it, because when you do, you will be able to find a uh, I think release some of the feelings you have around it. And for any fetish, I think we all have to move through these feelings of shame, repression, self-hatred. And the way to do that is to find community, is to find your tribe in terms of the themes of this episode. So I hope you're able to connect with others who are into this, because I think that will help you move through some residual feelings you might have. The second

Risk Aware Kink And Health Guardrails

SPEAKER_00 43:19

question is really much more interesting, and that is um how you deal with extremeslash taboo parts of the spectrum. And I will say, I don't I don't actually think this is that extreme or that taboo. Now, granted, my name is Edge, and it's not about edging people, it's about edge play. So I'm into stuff that are even more extreme and more taboo. Um and I really want to root this in in the tools available to us as kinksters. And one of the primary tools available to us is rack, risk aware consensual kink. And that means you engage in your fetish with an awareness of the risks. For me, I have a Very large cigar fetish, and I smoke a lot of cigars. I'm aware that is not great for my health. I'm aware that I could develop certain cancers. I am willing to take that risk. I am aware of the risk, but I take it anyway. And I think it's the same situation here. If both parties are aware of the risk of weight gain, then you're fine. I will say for the local gainer I played with, I was just really I put an emphasis on making sure that he was seeing his doctor regularly, because there's nothing unhealthy about large bodies. And there's nothing inherently unhealthy about large bodies. So I was like, hey, you can gain all the weight you want, but let's I want to make sure you're doing it and staying healthy. Because if your health is being compromised, then that's something else. So I think the first thing you do with this particular fetish is make sure that the person who's gaining has access to a doctor who's doing regular lab work once or twice a year, or twice a year at least, I would think, maybe four times a year if they're on prep as well, because that's a way of making sure that their cholesterol's okay, triglycerides okay, liver's okay, kidneys okay. And as long as you're remaining healthy, then I think it's a fetish you can continue to enjoy. Now, if your health is at risk, then you really need to root yourself back into rack and decide with an awareness of that risk, what are you willing to do or not do? That's one thing. The second thing is, you know, in the context of a specific scene, if they are not interested in gaining too much weight, they can compensate with exercise the next day. So I can have a scene where you take me to an Asian buffet and you make me gorge myself on sushi and Asian food until my belly is full and distended and we're both super turned on. And you can encourage me to keep eating and have a little more and have a little more, and then we can go home and have crazy sex or whatever. And then the next day, I can have a more reasonable diet, I can go to the gym, I can work off some of those calories. Now, it is true, gainers aren't just about the scene where they're being encouraged to eat more, they're about being encouraged to gain weight. And so they can slow that process with exercise, they can control the process if they think about on the whole what their calorie intake and expenditure is, and that that allows them to kind of extend the fetish before it becomes perhaps unhealthy or unwieldy. I think

Living With Judgment When Kink Shows

SPEAKER_00 46:45

the bigger issue you're identifying is that as a society, we are judgmental of larger bodies, even when they are perfectly healthy bodies. That's something that we just have to. I mean, there's just no solution for that. You know, as a society, we're also judgmental of people in leather. We are also judgmental of people in rubber. We are also judgmental of all the people who experience kinks and fetishes. But when I'm walking around in the world in my daily life, people don't know I'm into leather unless I'm wearing leather. This is a fetish that you're constantly displaying because of the size of your body. And it's just hard. I don't have an easy answer for you except to say, um, look, as a society, we have to work on fighting against this body shaming of differently sized bodies. And I think that becomes even harder in the era of GLP1, where people are changing their shape and slimming down. And then people think, well, what why can't why are you so big? GLP1s exist. Why are you like that? What's wrong with you? That shame and judgment is common to every fetish. The difference is when you're a gainer, you are displaying your fetish at every moment of every day. And you're just gonna need a good grounding on who you are. You're gonna need to be again to be connected to that gaining feeding community so that you have support. You're gonna need to have a loving circle of people around you who understand you and accept you for who you are. And then as a science society, we just have to work at getting better. And that is not gonna happen overnight, but it can happen day by day as we begin to embrace and accept diverse bodies. So you're fetish. There's nothing strange about it. I know a lot of people who are into it. Uh it's it big in some corners of social media. Go find those people, connect with them, because I think once you have a home, once you have others who get it, who are wired like you, then a lot of the shame about it will dissipate. Um, in terms of practicing the fetish, particularly if you're a gainer, make sure you're doing it health with with without negatively impacting your health by getting regular labs done to check all your levels of everything. And then consider compensating for your scenes with exercise or something like that to kind of extend the time you're gaining. And then do your best to fight against a society which is mean. The society is just mean, period. Not just if you're a gainer, it's just mean. And I think it's mean to everyone in some way, but it's going to be mean to you in that way. Be prepared for that and connect to resources that sustain you. I hope that answers the question. That's the best answer I'm able to give you today. I do think, I did think when I got the question, I'm like, wow, this is such a good question, because there's some fetishes that are always on display. If you are a gainer, that is always on display. And it is true that this is not something the scene is over and it disappears. This is about permanent alterations to the body. Uh, and we could extend that to body modification as a fetish in general, which has some of the same implications, but not all of them.

Wrap Up Invitation And Closing Blessing

SPEAKER_00 50:02

Uh I would love to talk about this more. Maybe this will be a great episode for a future uh uh maybe this will be a great topic for a future episode of Full Cow. And uh perhaps Pup CJ, perhaps you would be willing to come on and talk about the scene and the fetish. So that's something for us to consider for now. Uh thank you very much for the question. I thought it was a really great question, and thank all of you for all the questions. Thank you, all of you who are about to send me questions, and thank you all for listening. I really, really, really value it. And that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for joining me. Please consider subscribing, or you can send feedback to edge at fullcow.show. As always, may your leather journey be blessed.