Wild Souls

65. Empowering Transformation: Embracing Imperfection & Authentic Confidence w/ Dom Clifton

• Cat Mansfield • Episode 65

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Dominiece Clifton is a fire starter on a mission to ignite a spark in 1,000 women entrepreneurs! As a spiritual business coach, she empowers women to turn their purpose and passions into profits by starting mission-driven businesses. Also the founder of Move And Still, she supports organizations by offering stress reduction and mindfulness services to increase well-being.

We explore the intricate dance between vulnerability + perfectionism, shedding light on how opening up about our struggles can facilitate genuine connections & spur personal growth. Dom offers profound insights in reorienting around "failure" + relinquishing control; as we unravel these themes, we underscore the necessity of vulnerability in crafting a life that's authentically ours, free from the limitations of perceived inadequacy.

Dom's story is a testament to the power of embracing imperfection + challenging our perception of "failure" so that we can create from our inherent worthiness and turn our passion into profit.

Enjoy!

Stay in touch with Dom:
https://fourpercentformula.com/
https://domrclifton.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dominiecerclifton/

Interested in being a guest on the podcast? Send me a DM :)

Follow along on instagram <3

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Holistic Hotties podcast. I'm your host, kat Mansfield. I'm a yoga and meditation teacher who's traveled around the world in search of all things healing and true. In searching for healing, in searching for truth, I uncovered the answers to all my ponderings. I grounded into peace amidst the chaos, I found myself. This podcast is about breathing life into who you already are. It's about remembering the truth of your power, the truth of your perfection. In each episode, we'll talk about the beliefs, the self-imposed limitations and the mindsets that are keeping us small, and how to cultivate safety in our bodies so that we can feel safe enough to be bigger, to take up more space and to truly and deeply love ourselves. On this journey together, day after day, we're choosing intention, we're choosing growth. We're choosing to dissolve our veils and breathe into our most authentic and thus most radiant selves. We're choosing to feel good naked let's dive in. To feel good naked, let's dive in. Hello, welcome back to another episode of Holistic Hotties Kat here.

Speaker 1:

So this week I spoke to Dom Clifton. She is a fire starter on a mission to ignite a spark in 1000 women entrepreneurs. As a spiritual business coach, she empowers women to turn their purpose and passions into profits by starting mission-driven businesses. Also, the founder of Move and Still, she supports organizations by offering stress reduction and mindfulness services to increase well-being. I loved sitting down with Dom. Her energy is infectious and her passion is palpable.

Speaker 1:

We talk about so many things diving into how to dissolve rigidity within our practices, how to reorient around failure so that we can truly create from a place of inherent worthiness and service, all the while knowing and accepting that we are on a spiritual journey and that path is not straight up and to the right. And so, in being a guide and being a coach, or in offering your service to the world, you do not need to have it all figured out. In fact, you won't. It's impossible to. So we really dive into this conversation of allowing for our journey to be one that is always teaching us and thus one that is able to offer guidance to all of those around us. So I hope you enjoy this conversation. Let's dive in. Hello, dom, welcome to the podcast. I'm so happy you're here today.

Speaker 2:

Hey Catherine, Thank you so much for having me. I'm happy that we were able to connect today.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, me too. So let's dive in. We were just talking right before we recorded and saying that this question of you know tell me a little bit about your journey and what brought you to where you are today, some of the things you had to overcome to be in the place where you're guiding other women to turn their passion into a portal for abundance. And, like we were saying, it's not you know it's not a easy question. I know it's a long journey. So just some of the things that felt like the biggest hurdles, some of the biggest lessons, the biggest things you had to overcome that you now share with your clients.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think what is like like super top of mind for me, top of heart for me, I should say right now, as the answer to that question, it's just that it is I am overcoming, like it's a it's an ever evolving journey, and so I don't I'm going to answer the question, but these are not things that I've like completely just worked through and I was, like you know, to jump in and help other people.

Speaker 2:

It's like, literally earlier today I was on the phone with my coach, like crying about just like some of the challenges of being an entrepreneur, and so as I am serving and helping other women to evolve, I am also evolving, and so it's like an ongoing journey Gosh. So I guess the way to summarize my story is that it really goes back. It's hard to tell my story without like really telling, just giving context about how I got here, and my story really starts with my conception. I won't go into all the details, but I was born to a teen mom and I've never met my biological father and so, like from a very young age there was just a lot of childhood trauma. My mom and I never talked about it. We didn't have our first like real conversation about my dad's absence until I was 30. And it was because I was turning 30. And like I needed to have answers after going my entire life without having any, and in that conversation my mom like broke down and was crying and like, had such a hard time having that conversation. And that's the first time that I understood as an adult, like, why we never talked about it. It was because she had so much like unresolved trauma and so my mom and I, for essentially my entire life, had this like unresolved trauma bond that we shared. That we just never talked about. But not having my dad as a child, it was like I didn't really know too much about it, I didn't really have the answers, but I felt like an absence, I felt that void and I didn't really know what to do with that.

Speaker 2:

You know, back in the 80s and 90s, like growing up, there wasn't therapy for children the way that it is now, and so it was just kind of like something that I learned to suppress and I just learned to like numb my emotions because there was so much that I didn't want to feel Numbing my emotions that, like food became an outlet to deal and to cope with some of the things that I was feeling. And so at a very young age, I established a very unhealthy relationship with food, started overeating around seven years old and it was just like that was the. You know, that was the beginning of a very unhealthy relationship and that followed me all the way up two and a half decades. Like I battled with overeating and emotional eating and, you know, yo-yo dieting. I went on my first diet in middle school weight loss, weight gain.

Speaker 2:

It always felt like my relationship with food always felt like this thing that I couldn't conquer. It was like this big monster standing on my back that I just couldn't get off and I always thought, man, if I could just figure this out, I can do anything. I remember having those sorts of feelings. I'm really just feeling powerless to so many other parts of my life because of this one part. I did a really good job, though, of masking a lot of, like my challenges and struggles. And so I, you know, overachieved. I excelled in school, I was in extracurriculars, and so it was like, when the curtain came down right and the show was over, like I had all this self-doubt and all this shame, guilt, unworthiness. But oh man, when the curtain went up, I just like put on an act and I just got really good with that. And so when I started like outwardly sharing my challenges in my 30s, people were surprised, because my entire life I had been like independent, high-achieving Dom who, like, did all the things.

Speaker 1:

And so I like, took off the mask right, like after you know decades.

Speaker 2:

I just got tired of wearing a mask and like pretending that I was okay, and I will say that again like it's an ever evolving journey.

Speaker 2:

I am still very much so, just like unpacking parts of myself and moving through self-doubt.

Speaker 2:

But because of my willingness in the last seven years or so to really face all of the things that I tried to numb and just not deal with for so long, I had to make a conscious choice to heal, recognizing how my stories, my limiting beliefs, were holding me back.

Speaker 2:

And so, in my 30s, it was really just a decision. There wasn't this big major life moment. It was just a space of being tired, of like feeling like I was called to be more, to do more, to have more, like having those desires on my heart and just feeling tired of holding myself back from pursuing those things. And so the space that I'm in now is just helping other women who are maybe a step or two behind me. Right, like I am, I haven't figured it all out. No one has ever, I guess all the way, figured it all out, but it's extending a hand to the version of myself that I was two, three, five years ago and like being willing to help women that can relate to that story, and so that's the work that I get to do today as a spiritual business coach.

Speaker 1:

Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing all of that and, like we said, for a difficult question, you gave such a beautifully concise and and what's the word, I guess vulnerable insight into your journey, and so thank you so much for that. I, for one, resonate with a lot of what you shared. I also struggled with my relationship to food, starting from about the same age, and, as I've done healing around that it's so interesting to see how everything's interconnected. You know, like I think for a long time I thought it was just why can't I figure out my relationship with food, like why can't I beat this? In a way, and it's like because it's connected to everything else. It's not just your relationship to food, it's it's our spiritual body, it's our emotional body, and so it's not just like, it's not one dimensional, it requires a holistic approach to healing, and with that you're uncovering so much more than you bargained for.

Speaker 1:

You know so much more than you thought, and one of the things that really sticks out to me in your journey is really the importance of vulnerability, like starting to share, cause I too, I I compensate with overachieving and being the peacekeeper and the outgoing one, and you would never know that stuff was going on, but for my whole life stuff was going on beneath the surface. So so much stuff, and so that vulnerability to start sharing with your friends or a community that you trust, or even that vulnerability of like finding a coach. It's such a huge and scary step. So can you talk a little bit more to the role that vulnerability played in your journey and in your life now?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I have people tell me that my vulnerability is a gift, like they see that in me. But, on the contrary, I feel like it's where I struggle the most because I don't like to open myself up in that way. It feels very vulnerable to like open myself up. And so just today I have a I have a new marketing coach and he's very different from any other coach that I've ever worked with. It's like he's like forcing me to let him into my soul and I'm like I don't want to right Like it feels like I'm protecting myself in this way, and I've never had a coach to demand that level of like, vulnerability and transparency with me.

Speaker 2:

And so, literally today, like we had a coaching call and this was probably the first time in the last five or six years since I've been investing in coaches that for like an hour and a half I just like cried as I processed and talked through so many things and it was like Ooh, this feels really uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:

But also I recognize that I'm like on the threshold of stepping into like a different version of myself and he's like forcing me to to be uncomfortable and like to to lean into the discomfort. And so, to answer your question. I have found that it is really hard. Like our first I would like discovery call together, we were talking about my ideal client and he was just like forcing me to go deeper on. Like you know what, what, who is your ideal client? Like, what are they feeling? And it was like every time he asked me to go deeper, it was like I was just like opening myself up right, like I'm telling you all the things that my ideal client is experiencing, but really these are all the things that I've experienced as an entrepreneur and it felt so like raw to be able to have to say, like there are.

Speaker 2:

There have been times, right, sometimes there still are times where I don't have it all figured out and I feel like this is really hard and I look around and everyone else seems to have their shit together and I'm like I don't, and my client is feeling that.

Speaker 2:

But also there have been times where I felt that you know what I mean, like so it is important, I feel like for me as a coach to allow myself to go to that space with someone else, because I recognize that like that is where the transformation happens and, as I am allowing myself to go here with my coach, it's also empowering me more as a human and as a coach to hold space for others in that way.

Speaker 2:

Because I really feel like when we allow ourselves to like take off all the mask and all the facades and all of the like identities that we've built up and just like open ourselves up in whatever way, like it can be coaching for business, it can be weight loss, like wherever you are struggling, when you allow yourself to fully be seen in that way and like invite someone in to help you and guide you in, to hold your hand.

Speaker 2:

It feels very uncomfortable because, like we've talked about, we do a really good job of building up the walls and, like the, I'm okay and you know, like this identity that we want to show to the world. But I have learned that, like, you cannot grow to the level of potentiality that you're being called to if you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable and to open up to receive that help. And so it's tough, right, it doesn't feel good to like to admit sometimes when we are struggling, but we have to in order for us to allow ourselves to be helped by a human who is sent from the universe to guide us, and so that was a really long way of saying that I feel like it's so necessary, like as a human, but also as a coach.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, and I, and that totally resonates with me. And it's funny, even this morning, for myself too, I experienced an opportunity for me to really be vulnerable with my partner about the emotions I was experiencing. And every time I come up to that crossroads, I just I feel so much of what you're saying, that that discomfort and that that urge to just like stay silent and protect yourself. It's such a protection mechanism. It's like if they don't know, then I can't feel the you know embarrassment or shame of what's really going on. Like they'll, they'll see my truest, deepest wounds and and then what? And then will they still love me, will they still think that I'm this, this infinite, amazing woman, you know? And then it's, it's such a scary crossroads to be at and then to choose to do it anyway.

Speaker 1:

Oh gosh, it's like I'm dragging myself across that threshold. I'm like, just say it and if and if you know, it's like if that person that you're sharing with were to not love you after that, it's's like they're, they're not your people, they're not your tribe, because your worthiness isn't dependent on anything. So let's, let's dive into that a little bit, just this connection between, I guess, perfectionism and these facades and these masks and our perception of then being worthy or then being lovable, like like. How does one start to first bring awareness to if they're operating in that space, and then what are some tools to start to chip away?

Speaker 2:

at that. This is such a good, great question. I have found that I have needed other people a lot of times to hold up a mirror for me when it has come to like illuminating the struggles with perfectionism. I don't always see it myself. So, whether it's a therapist, whether it's a friend, whether it's a coach, like, typically when I have had that aha moment of like oh, I'm operating this way, or like I am being too hard on myself, like I'm putting too much pressure on myself, like I'm operating in that space, like I am being too hard on myself, like I'm putting too much pressure on myself, like I'm operating in that space, it has been those vulnerable conversations with, like allowing myself to be seen enough for someone to call that out and for me to be like, oh, like I didn't realize I was doing that and so that would be my first answer.

Speaker 2:

Is that sometimes we do a really good job of putting up walls to the point where we like hide things from ourselves or like miss things with ourselves, if that makes sense. Like I am so gung ho on being this like version of myself that now I'm tricking the world, but I'm also tricking myself and I feel like I get. I have gotten lost in that space a lot the first time that so my relationship with perfectionism goes hand in hand with my relationship with failure. And the first time that I realized that I had a really crappy relationship with failure was in therapy about four years ago now. My therapist asked me we were like talking about something completely unrelated and she was like, can you tell me about your relationship to failure? And I was just like in my head thinking what does this have to do with this conversation? You're like well, I never fail.

Speaker 1:

So no.

Speaker 2:

No, literally. So I started thinking about it and that was my thought in my head of like yeah, I'm great, I've never failed before. I can't even recall anything to tell you.

Speaker 2:

And so as she just kept crying deeper into me, really struggling to recount a time. She was like you haven't failed because you are amazing at everything Like you have. You have not failed because you have quit before you like ever allowed yourself to fail. And that was again like one of the I know it was. It was like being hit by an 18 wheeler. For me that that was a huge moment of like.

Speaker 2:

All the like stories that I had built up about how amazing I was and like all of the perfectionism that I had like existed in for so long was like it's not that you're perfect, it's just that you like quit before you ever allow yourself to like go deeper into something. And so the first half of that is for anyone you probably don't know. Like. Sometimes we don't even realize the ways that we are holding ourselves back.

Speaker 2:

I think the greatest thing we can do is just allow someone that we trust into our space. That is going to look different for each of us, but like allow someone to come in right into the inner workings of you to maybe like illuminate some of the, the, the spaces where you might be missing and not seeing yourself fully and not seeing the parts of yourself that need to be, like you know, worked on a bit and then, as far as tools go, like again, this is one of those like ongoing happening things. For me, it is having people to name the spaces where I have to grow, and one of the things that was coming up today is just like well, two things were coming up today. It's we're having this conversation, like all of this is so fresh because, like I was, talking about earlier there were two things.

Speaker 2:

There was just like recognizing the amount of pressure that I have just placed on my myself my entire life. So that's like a wounded part of me that I'm still working to heal. Because I grew up with without my dad and not having a great relationship with my mom, I just like learned to depend on myself. I was also an only child, so I didn't have siblings, and so it was just like it's just me, right, and I navigated the world that way and I would let people in, but only to a certain extent, and so I have placed a lot of pressure on myself to figure things out. And it's like we are not intended as humans to operate in the world by ourselves, and so, as challenging as it is for me at this point in my life to admit that I need help, like that is the space where the universe is forcing me to like you can keep trying to do this by yourself and it is going to continue to be hard and you're going to continue to hit walls, and so a part of where I am is that I feel like I'm being forced to surrender and like that in itself is like letting go of perfectionism Cause, like if I'm convincing myself that I got it, I'm like, oh, I don't need help, like I got it. Like that is the wounded, perfectionist part of myself.

Speaker 2:

And then there's the reality of like no, you do need help. Like you don't have it all figured out. Like you do need to let people be a part of your village. You can tell people when you're having a hard time. You can tell your mom when you need help with your kids. You can show you know emotions, and so it's like taking some of the pressure that sometimes we put on ourselves off. And then the other part is just accepting right, like wherever you are in your life, just kind of accepting it and not trying to control right. Like I have been in the space of trying to control outcomes for as long as I can remember and there's so many parts of my life, from motherhood to business right now, where literally like I feel like I am up against a wall and like I don't have any answers, any solutions, and it's just like the universe is like will you will you finally release control.

Speaker 2:

So I don't know if that fully answers the question. This one is a really hard one for me. The greatest thing I can say is just like let someone in to help you with the process.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, beautiful, and I love, I love that invitation for us to evaluate or reevaluate our relationship to failure, because I do think the majority of us have have never felt safe to fail, and that is like where you start to see. It's like the tipping point, and especially if we're talking, you know, as we're talking about creators and entrepreneurs and being in this space where you're creating that sovereignty for yourself, using, you know, your passion as the fuel to do that, there is. There is that requirement of failing, and I just think that invitation for us to reevaluate our relationship with failure is such a beautiful one and profound one, because the next time you fail quote, unquote, or I guess, I guess it's also even like the next time you feel like you failed, because there are very few things any of us are actually like failing at. I'm thinking of, for example, you know, I teach yoga, and so if I'm teaching a yoga class and some classes just like, feel like they're vibing and everyone's like the breath is on point, and some classes just like, feel like they're vibing and everyone's like the breath is on point and everyone's just like yes. And then other classes, you know, you kind of feel like it fell flat or you're like you mess up your words, you say, right, when it was left, these little things happen. Your brain is just like totally on and you walk out being like that was a dumpster fire of a yoga class. You know when, in reality, like you're saying, it's like reorienting around and bring that awareness to how much pressure we put on ourselves and how much we, you know, expect ourselves to be perfect. And in that moment, like feeling like I failed and just bringing awareness to it and being like, okay, well, you messed up a couple of words. Did you fail, did, did, did.

Speaker 1:

What would fail, what would failing even look like, and actually like looking at our definition of failure, because it's in all of us, and especially the need to control or the need to.

Speaker 1:

I guess it's an attempt to create safety by knowing what's going on manipulating reality, having that sense of certainty going on manipulating reality, having that sense of certainty. If any of that resonates for you, then there's inherently going to be a fear of failure, of taking it to that place of the unknown and seeing what happens. And I'm thinking like as a creator, that line between confidence, you know, like you're saying how, you're saying like I'm good at everything Like I can do, that I'll be great at that, like confidence versus that, that protection mechanism, like you're saying that that veil or that wall, or that illusion of like I'm, I'm good at everything, I'm not failing, you know, versus a genuine confidence of I can do anything, that difference is so it's like fine line, you know. Versus a genuine confidence of I can do anything. That difference is so it's like fine line, you know, fine line difference. So can you talk a little bit about just really cultivating like a sense of safety in yourself to develop that true confidence despite failing?

Speaker 2:

So what's coming up and like what is on my heart right now. So this is where, like the somatic practitioner which I know, we can dive on with you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

It's just where, like the somatics, become really important. I have had to learn over the last like five years to be in my body when my emotions and like my mind begins to take over. And coming into my body is like what helps to ground me when I'm having those moments. And so when things are feeling overwhelmed and I don't feel confident or like I'm struggling with failure or perceived failure, like whatever it is, the most important thing that I have found is again like to come into my body and so some practices that are helpful for that, like breath work, is such a beautiful practice that just helps to ground me. Physical movement, so any sort of physical movement, whether it's yoga, going for a walk, like you know, those sorts of activity, activities are grounding. I love being outside in nature and I have found ecotherapy to be such a beautiful practice for me, psychotherapy to be such a beautiful like practice for me also, when it comes to just like coming into my body and kind of quieting the overwhelm and grounding right, like really placing my feet on the earth and just allowing myself to release that energy. And so I believe that like for us, like we typically are as a society, are very heady and then we talk about all that like perfectionism, control and like overachieving, and like anyone who can relate to any of those tendency is most likely someone who's very logical. That operates in their, in their head, versus their body, and oftentimes like for myself I found.

Speaker 2:

So I talked about my relationship with overeating Like I disconnected from my body at a very young age and so part of my healing process has been allowing myself to come back into my body, and so that is the first part of what I would offer to someone who's struggling in that way, because we have to recognize like I was.

Speaker 2:

I have been like over the last few weeks just having moments of spiraling, but then it's like when I come back into my body, it's like my higher self is now like back in control and it's like I can kind of like take control of the wheel again. But when I'm in my head, it's kind of like I'm just all over the place, and so my confidence comes from those practices I talked about. Even meditation is really helpful for me, just like bringing my higher self back online, and that's a part of coming back into my body. For me, it's just like grounding, coming back into the 3D world world and the other part of that, something that's been really helpful and my mom actually reminded me of this is like looking at the receipts. So when I'm struggling with my confidence, um, she told me a while ago to create a wins list and I was like what is?

Speaker 2:

that she's just like you have a way of forgetting all of the really amazing things that you've accomplished, because you're always so like future focused. And so, like you know, whenever this is a part of again, the recovering high achiever in me I am, it's like I have this, like this image in my head of who I want to become and like the life that I desire. And until I get to that point, it's like I am not letting up. And so sometimes that image that I've created in my head right, that vision gets in the way of all the things that I've already accomplished, and so I like do something really great. And then it's just like, okay, on to the next. Right, like, I'm still not this version of myself yet.

Speaker 2:

And again, I think this goes back to the pressure piece, right, the perfectionism piece of things. So my mom told me to start a wins list and essentially that is just like you keeping a list. It can be in a journal, it can be in notes on your phone, it can be like a document on the computer, a word doc or whatever, and you just like, right, you just write down every time you do something amazing. It can be like I won today by forcing myself out of my comfort zone and doing this thing that I would normally like back away from, or like.

Speaker 2:

I do a lot with grant writing and fundraising in my business and so, like, I'll write down the grants that I've got, or I write, you know, write down the new clients that I got, or you know, whatever, whatever the wins are. And what happens is when I'm having those moments where I'm like loathing and self-doubt and I'm like, oh, woe is me, like I cannot do this thing, I go back to my wins list and that helps to build my confidence because it's a reminder in those moments where my ego has taken over. It's like it helps me to come back online to see all the things that I've done. And so that's why I say, like, keep the receipts right, because it's easy for us to forget all of the amazing things about ourselves and all of the things that we have accomplished when we're so like focused on the next thing or kind of looking around at everyone else and what they're doing and feeling like we need to keep up with that.

Speaker 2:

And so confidence is built in evidence, right, like you build confidence by doing the thing that you are, you said you're going to do, but it can be easy to forget that when you're a goal oriented person, you're always focused on the next thing, and so those would be my pieces of advice. First, like, come back into your body, right, like get out of the egoic space, the mind, the the kind of just like floating, and come back to your body, like, come back in line with your higher self. And then, like, keep a list. So, when you have those moments because they are, they're inevitable, like they're going to come up, they come up for all of us when you have those moments where you're stuck in self-doubt or you're stuck in fear, you can already, you can look at the things that you've already accomplished and that is a that's evidence to what's possible, right, and that helps with confidence.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, such helpful tips there. And and some things I wanted to double click on are I love the conceptualizing of this idea of confidence as we're talking about it and like that true, genuine, magnetic confidence where you, you feel it, you know you attract people, where, where you know you're not trying to be anything, you're just present and that is like you're saying that is when we are in our highest self. And so it's like this, it it feels like this. You know, recipe of like confidence is in the evidence and it's that consistency of showing up for yourself and saying I'm going to do this and I, and then you do, and then it incrementally builds in that way and there's a ratio of that recipe where confidence is inherently accessible at any point when we open ourselves up to our highest self, because that's just like truth. It's truth that we are inherently worthy, and that's confidence. It's like I don't have to prove anything, I don't have to say the right thing, I don't have to do the right thing, there's no right thing, I'm just here and that's enough. And that energy emanating from you is what we feel as true confidence when we're around it or even when we experience ourselves, and so I wanted to double click on that, and we've been talking about this a lot.

Speaker 1:

It's a continuing evolution and I think that's been really humbling for me to remember, because I think when you're in this space as a spiritual business coach or just in the spiritual development space, you start to again put the pressure on yourself to get somewhere, get better, not fall into the same spirals or patterns. And then, when you're offering your teaching, how do you avoid the imposter syndrome? And how do you not even avoid? How do you work with Because there's no avoiding? How do you work with the imposter syndrome and remembering that, like the whole point is that you're going to fall back into it. The whole point is that it's going to happen again, and each time it's an invitation, but it's hard to remember that. So how do you do it?

Speaker 2:

But it's hard to remember that. So how do you do it syndrome when I didn't know myself? Well, right, and so.

Speaker 2:

I. I would feel like I was an imposter, and sometimes I was, because I was in spaces that I didn't belong in and so it had. I have had to go through a journey of self-discovery and really understanding my purpose and being very clear about who I am and like the mission that my soul is on. And even when it's scary and you know it's I'm still figuring it out. As I'm taking the step, it's like I have no doubt that I'm on the path that I'm supposed to be on. It is not necessarily right now looking the way that I expected it to look in my human mind, but I know that I'm on the right path. When I've felt most like an imposter, it was in jobs that I was forcing myself to be in. It was in relationships or friendships that I wasn't supposed to be in, and so sometimes we feel like imposters and sometimes we are.

Speaker 2:

It's because we are not in the space that we are supposed to be in, and so it's not about, like figuring out like how to overcome imposter syndrome sometimes. Sometimes it's about allowing yourself to like lean into what you are feeling, to recognize maybe I don't belong in this space, like maybe I'm trying to force myself to fit into this job and like this isn't really true and authentic to who I am. And it like, until you figure out like what you're supposed to be doing, you might go to a different job or, you know, do something different and you will continue to feel like an imposter. So self-discovery, I think, becomes such an important part of not feeling imposter syndrome, because when you know who you are, it's like no matter the space that I'm in, right, it's like I know myself enough to know who I am and like just being rooted in that is enough, even if, like right now, I can't figure out this thing that I'm doing or am. I am just so, so clear now, at this point in my life, because of all the work that I did and I continue to do, about like my soul's purpose, that it's really hard for me to feel like an imposter, right, like that doesn't mean that I don't have moments where I feel like I'm failing at this thing. And then it's frustrating, but it's like but at the end of the day, when I think about, like am I doing the thing that I'm supposed to be doing?

Speaker 2:

It's like, absolutely, maybe I need to tweak the thing a little bit. Like, maybe I need to try a different strategy, but am I on the right track? Absolutely. So that is the first thing I wanted to say about imposter syndrome. There was something else that I wanted to add. Oh oh, you asked about like just being in the spiritual or not being in the spiritual space, or just being in the coaching space, and like how do you deal with that? I think that goes back to our earlier conversation about vulnerability and just like being honest with where you are. One of the challenges that I had when I first started out as a coach is that I felt like I needed to have everything figured out to guide other people right.

Speaker 2:

And I think a lot of times we can relate to that as coaches, with whatever we are doing. It's like if I'm a health and wellness coach and I got to like pretend that I never have moments where I don't you know eat right or go, I like always hit my gym target or whatever, and it's like you're a coach, but like you're also a human. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

Like and so.

Speaker 2:

I put again so much like. All of these are themes I used to put so much pressure on myself as a coach when I started out a couple of years ago I actually started out in the nutrition and wellness space. It was like I put so much pressure on myself because I felt like, if someone's coming to me and like investing in me, I have to have all the answers, and it's like, when you think about it, that's not even really realistic. And so my greatest coaching moments then, and even still now, have been like not getting the results that I necessarily desired and being like, okay, this isn't going how I expected, but, girl, I'm about to roll up my sleeves and we're about to figure this thing out together. It's like those moments where we grow and I think that like that is where just being maybe one or two steps ahead, but like still human enough, where it's like I am in the trenches with you trying to figure this out, becomes really important. And so I don't have all the answers now.

Speaker 2:

As a business coach, I'm also learning that saying that, like naming that and being very real with myself and my client about that, is important, but also like this is where community becomes really important.

Speaker 2:

Like I had a phone call earlier today with someone that is a marketing guru Like she's she's beautiful, she's, she's so talented at what she's she, uh, has done.

Speaker 2:

You know, she has all this career experience working with really large companies and it's like as a coach, I can give you the foundational pieces of what it looks like to like build up the marketing for your business. But, again, like the reality is that I don't have all the answers because I didn't, you know, study this and it's just a lot of for me has been trial and error, and so a part of not getting stuck in imposter syndrome is like where I recognize that I am weaker, I'm pulling people in who can support me, and so that also helps with the imposter syndrome and feeling like I need to have it all figured out. It's naming like this is the foundation, but here's someone that's really good at this thing and now I don't feel like I have to have all the answers. This person might not have all the answers, but they're going to have more than me and I can just direct you to that person as a resource.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that's super helpful and what it feels like it does all kind of go together right, this vulnerability and this permission to be in our humanness. It's like, although we are in the space of guiding, yeah, it doesn't mean that by any means we're not also still being guided. You know, like we are not, yeah, we don't have all the answers and and allowing ourselves to be in that humanness and to share that, share that with whoever we're working with, share that with our coaches again goes back to that vulnerability. Like I said, and just and just like you also mentioned earlier, what's coming to me is surrendering.

Speaker 1:

You know there's so much also in the spiritual space. It feels like there's so much pressure in a way, like I said, to better yourself, to evolve, to be better than you were yesterday, and, yes, that's the goal. It's like this evolution and the graph isn't straight up and to the right. You know it goes backwards and zigzags and swirls around and eventually you end up further feeling like less, less strong, not weak, just less strong than other days. You know, and and naming that and being like that's okay. I'm also on this journey to get stronger, to notice when I'm feeling less strong and feel, even motivated to be stronger, you know, and not alone with people like you're, like you're naming, with people who feel like tribe people and, yeah, just creating that, that space for yourself to to evolve in a way that's, that's at your own pace, in whatever way that looks like.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I want to to. I love just what, everything that you just said and one of the things that I've been really having to work on, because I feel like I am a very like goal oriented person. I'm a very like type a high achiever. I'm always like aiming for. So I cannot tell you the last time I was just like okay, but just being right, Like like I'm always like there's always a goal, there's always something, and in some, some aspects that's a positive thing, because I'm always forward, moving Right.

Speaker 2:

But in some ways, it can be really challenging and detrimental. And so one day I was preparing to meditate I use the insight timer app for like my timer and I saw this quote that I wanted to share. It says if we are unduly absorbed in improving our lives, we may forget to to all together to live them. And it's by Alan Watts, and when I read that it was such a reminder and I think it's such a beautiful like thing to add to this conversation, because for, especially for those in the spiritual space, it's like we're just always like aiming to evolve and transform and to be better, and we're, you know, listening to all the self-help books and listening to all the podcasts and having all the conversations, and it's just like girl you just gotta let yourself just be a human.

Speaker 2:

And so I get stuck in this space of feeling guilty for taking those breaks, but also it's like surrender. Like today, I'm just going to surrender to where I am in this moment. So today, for me, right, instead of like pushing through when I was feeling those emotions, like I just allow myself to get outside and go for a run and just like get out in nature and not to focus on like how can I do the thing or, you know, be better. It's just like I'm just going to like be right in this moment. I'm just going to like be, and so I just want to lift that up too for all the people that can resonate with this particular part of the conversation. Like sometimes we get so focused on the goals and the achievements and the being better and you know all of these things, especially as coaches like sometimes you just gotta allow yourself to be human, like however that looks for you, like whatever surrender looks like for you in that moment yes, amen, that's so.

Speaker 1:

It's something that I am just bringing so much consciousness to in my life right now. So I have this. I also have this tendency to. It's never used to be like this, but I guess it's turned into this as I've been in the spiritual space and it's just my whole life has become about, you know, evolving. It's like the most important thing to me is like it's like healing and evolving, and so the the practices that I put in place to make that happen. You know, like prioritizing my sleep, meditating every morning, prioritizing what I put into my body, prioritizing who I choose to spend time around and how much, and like maybe I need to be alone. And I've noticed that it's it's become a little bit rigid and and what's come with that rigidity is fear of like if I don't wake up at 6 30 tomorrow and meditate, then I won't be on the same path of evolution. I'll miss, I'll miss it. I'll miss what's what I'm meant to do, or what I'm, what I'm growing towards, or what's coming for me.

Speaker 1:

You know, and it's been something I've been bringing so much consciousness to, because I was like this isn't sustainable. I don't think, actually, like it's not sustainable for me to feel fear if I don't make it to bed by 10 pm every single night so that I can wake up at 7 am and meditate. You know it's like am and meditate. You know it's like it's not sustainable and it's not coming from that place of true, like self-love. It's this coming from, then. The, the practices are coming from this place of needing to improve. You know this, this, almost the same inherent wounds that we were talking about earlier, this like, needing to achieve, needing to be, be perfect, all this pressure. It's like the same wound, but it's wearing a different costume of like, like, if I don't do this and I won't be at like spiritual enough, I won't be better. And if I'm not better than dot, dot, dot, then that's the, you know, that's the fear, and so it's been the practice to like. You're saying, allow for just more of that fluidity to be in my life and like, okay, if I'm out till midnight tonight, beautiful, it's because I'm connecting with people that I love and I'm feeling nourished by these late night conversations. And you know, or I'm out at a show and I'm dancing and it feels good and that's it feels. I feel alive, you know. Or I'm out at a show and I'm dancing and it feels good and that's it feels. I feel alive, you know, and the paradox is it's like when you're in that rigid space and maybe you're hitting all of your meditations but, like we're saying, it's coming from that place of fear, it's like you're less magnetic, you're actually blocking yourself, versus when you surrender and you're more in that space of play and allowing and and aliveness, then you'll be more magnetic because you're alive and people feel that in, the universe feels that and you're like inflated and you're joyous and you're present, coming from this place of like, I trust.

Speaker 1:

I trust that I'm meant to have fun here. I trust that I'm I'm still worthy, even if I don't meditate tomorrow. You know, I trust that I'm meant to have fun here. I trust that I'm I'm still worthy, even if I don't meditate tomorrow. You know, it's like been this very beautiful shift that has created a lot of magnetism and, you know, and put me at a place of that discomfort of like having to forego a practice because I'm, you know, cause I genuinely tuned my body and like I don't want to, so I'm not going to force myself. It's this discernment.

Speaker 2:

I love gosh, I love that response so much. I feel like we could talk forever. I so much with everything that you just said and I think that this is a part of like the evolving right. Like I think that this is a part of the journey is that at some point we start and it's like read all the books, like listen to all the things, like put all these things into place, like have this very rigid routine, like you talked about the evening routine. It's like the morning routine, the evening routine, pausing the day, and it's like you feel like you have to do all of those things. But I feel like a the consciousness, the evolving, the growing, is recognizing, kind of what you said earlier, like I am enough right, like I am where things are helpful.

Speaker 2:

I believe that they're important, like when I I look at meditations like plugging into the source right. So like for me, like getting that power right. So it's important to have a consistent routine, but it also doesn't have to be rigid, you know what I mean. Like you can kind of flow, like you said, and just allow it to be what you need in that moment. Something that's been helpful for me and something that I've had to really bring myself back to is like asking myself what do I need in this moment? Right, like it's not well in the morning, I do this thing, this thing and this thing, cause that's how I used to operate. It's like but what is my like what? But what is my mind, my body, my spirit need right now? And then just like leaning into that.

Speaker 2:

And so you said like sometimes it's community, sometimes it's laughter, like, sometimes it's just meditating, without all the affirmations and things. Like sometimes it's extra sleep and I'm going back to bed, and so when I try to allow myself moments to really like ask myself what I need and just to be okay with honoring whatever is coming up for me's very, very helpful. And I've also been trying to be more intentional about finding joy, and I feel like this plays into what you talked about, too, with like going out for dancing or like whatever brings you joy, like I have had to actively in these last like few months seek out joy, to like balance out some of the like I feel feel like masculine and feminine. Like joy seeking the joy is like leaning more into and embracing more of that feminine side of myself, whereas, like again, the masculine part of myself can be so rigid. So I just, I just love everything that you shared.

Speaker 1:

I think the two words that have been like, so forefront in my practices when it comes to dissolving that rigidity are joy and pleasure. And it's like, like you said, where is where's the joy and also where's the pleasure for me right now? And, for example, like going to yoga in the morning would be non-negotiable in the past. You know it's like you're up, you're going. It's happened before you're meditating and now I wake up, check in with my body. You know, actually, like a slow morning and quality time with my partner sounds so much more nourishing, is actually what my soul needs, not the, not the yoga practice this morning. And yoga means union.

Speaker 1:

So me being present, spending quality time with my partner, is yoga, you know. So, like looking at our practices and almost de-labeling the ones that are like good and bad, or spiritual and not spiritual, and allowing for all of our life to be the practice. Yeah, like all of the like the, the sleeping in and making pancakes being the yoga because you've tuned into your body like this is what the soul needs and that presence of like and the download and truth of like. No, this is this, is the yoga this morning versus, like you know, traditional asana. It doesn't have to be. That doesn't have to be the 15 meditation.

Speaker 1:

I agree, plugging into the source consistently is important and that can be, you know, five minutes, like later in the afternoon. It can look like so many different things than just the rigidity that we've in the parameters that we've placed around up. We can talk forever, I know. Is this inside out approach that I think you work with your clients and let's bring it into just some more tangible terms and how we can start to implement that in our own practices and to create.

Speaker 2:

so kind of going back to where we started. I love kind of like this full circle moment. We, when I talked about how, for most of my life, I struggled with like weight loss and I would always like lose weight, gain the weight and I could never figure it out and so we we talked about that I kind of like accidentally I won't eat like I stumbled into this accidentally at a space where I was just really low in my life. So it was March of 2020, right around the time that COVID was just starting to pick up. I was unemployed. I had quit my job in December of 2019.

Speaker 2:

And at the time that I quit, I was like, oh, I'm just going to take a slightly longer maternity leave, like six months, it'll be fine. And then three months later, four months later, like here comes COVID. So I was unemployed, I did not have a plan, which is why I'm so adamant as a spiritual business coach about like helping women to build a plan Cause it's like I just like walked away and then I was just like, oh shit, I had a newborn and a toddler, and so there was like that you know, uh, transition.

Speaker 2:

There was also, we are now like separated and working on divorce, but my marriage was like falling apart. So there was all of these things happening and then, like the icing on the cake, was in the fall of 2019, I started a brick and mortar natural hair salon with a friend of mine and again, like less than six months later, covid comes and like shuts everything down. And so, like I had made like a huge financial investment there, I took on most of the financial responsibility. And so when I say, like my life was falling apart, like that's how I felt, like this is, this is a low point. I don't have any answers. I don't know how to dig myself out of this. And so I just started meditating to like in hopes that spirit would just throw me a lifeline. Like here you go, girl.

Speaker 2:

So one day I was meditating and I got this intuitive whisper, this download, that said every day, for the next 90 days, focus on your mind, your body and your spirit. And I came out of that meditation I was super excited. It was just like, hmm, for some reason I could just feel like this was exciting, so I jumped right in. It was either that day or the next day I started doing this practice, and I'll talk about what that looked like. But the first two or three weeks was really hard because I had never been consistent with anything my entire life and so I really struggled with like doing this daily, like soul care practice, but eventually I kept, I kept at it, I didn't quit and I started to feel like the, the shifts that were happening, like the positive shifts that were happening as a result. So then, catherine, fast forward to the end of that 90 day period and I felt like I was like completely transformed, like all of the things that I named at the beginning of the episode. Like I started seeing those parts of myself, like those wounded parts of myself that needed healing. I started like becoming more aware of the limiting beliefs that I have been like stuck in, the subconscious beliefs, like and I physically right, like after talking about struggling with my weight, I the weight started melting off, like I lost about 15 pounds. Since then I've like lost and maintained like a 45 pound weight loss, but then it was like I wasn't even like doing anything. But what happened was when I started working on the spiritual parts of myself and like nourishing and cultivating those parts of myself, when I started nourishing my mind every single day with this daily practice, the physical then like became easier and it was just like all of the physical weight that I was holding I realized was a manifestation of, like, internal things that I was holding on to. So when I started to heal and release over that 90 days, the weight just came off as a result. And so that practice for me was about 15 minutes of mindset every day. So listening to inspirational, instructional content so you know podcasts like this, motivational videos on YouTube, like anything that's filling my mind and like positive things. That was about 15 minutes of mindset work.

Speaker 2:

I did about 15 minutes of a spiritual practice and that looked different from day to day. Some days it was meditation, some days it was going for a walk, some days it was journaling. When I think about a spiritual practice. I think about cultivating a relationship with myself and I think about cultivating a relationship with God, and that looks different for each of us, but that's what I think about. And so I did that for at least 15 minutes and then I did 30 minutes of movement daily. And so when you add all of that up, right, physical movement, any kind of physical movement when you add all of that up, it comes up to one hour.

Speaker 2:

So when I started to, I did this for four and a half years just myself, right, like I shared it with family and friends, but it was just like my daily practice. So when I started to feel led to share this out with the world, I started thinking about, like how can I share this out with people in a way that feels tangible with our very busy lives and busy schedules? And so I was like 15, 15 and 30, right, like that's one hour. And I was like what is one hour out of a 24 hour day? And it comes up to 4%. And that's where I got the 4% formula from, because it's like I'm literally asking you to give yourself 4% of your entire day, and when you hear that, you're like oh, like I can do that.

Speaker 2:

That's very tangible right, and so that practice is an hour right, and it doesn't have to be done all at the same time. Like you can split it up. You can start with, you know, nourishing yourself in the morning, however that looks, you can listen to a mindset on your car ride or in the shower, like you can be creative about how you get that time in. But what happens is when you focus consistently on nourishing all of those parts of yourself, this really beautiful cohesion begins to happen. So, whereas before it was like I would focus on the physical but like neglect my mind and spirit, or maybe I went to therapy but I wasn't nourishing my spirit and my body, when you start intentionally focusing on all of these parts of yourself, like all of these really beautiful benefits start to happen. So clarity, right, like understanding your purpose, like recognizing the limiting beliefs and stories that you need to release. You know like all of these things start to happen Stress, I started to release, stress that I was holding, I started to heal.

Speaker 2:

And so this is what I talk about when I talk about a inside out approach, because oftentimes, when we think about a goal, it's like I want to lose weight. Okay, I need to do a meal plan, I need to go work out, you know, and it's like very topical and external, but we're not addressing those internal things that you know are part of the relationship, of why we struggle with food, or we're not looking at. You know, we're like I have a goal that I want to set and then when you don't achieve that goal, you feel bad, but it's like, but you're not looking at the subconscious beliefs that are, like deeply buried, that need to be released. And so the idea here and I'll pause after this is just to really take an inside out approach. It's like you might have a goal in mind but you have to first start doing the work on yourself right, like building from the inside, so that the external just becomes a manifestation of, like all of the yumminess, the goodness that's happening internally totally and I think.

Speaker 1:

I think there's a huge just like shift happening and awareness forming around like moving from that outward in, you know, paradigm of like, like you're saying, the topical, the address, the symptoms, not the root cause. Know, I think there is a shift in awareness happening around that to this inside out approach, as you're talking about, and and I think it's so beautiful that that people have more of a tangible framework for how to implement it into the day and it doesn't have to be something that that becomes rigid, like we said. You know, it can be 15 minutes of listening to a podcast on your walk to the mailbox. You know, and then and then a walk around the neighborhood and you know, 10 minutes of breathing or anything cold plunging for three minutes. It can look like so many different things and permutations of combinations and and really like distilling it down to like how good you're willing to feel, and like how badly you desire transformation in your life and your body and and really taking that power back, it feels really empowering.

Speaker 1:

You know, is what's coming up for me is like it's, it's in my hands. You know my, my mind, my, my physical being, my emotional being, like they are my responsibility and they're in my power, you know, to my power to improve or to transform, you know, or to prioritize them, even just as simple as that's my power to prioritize them. And when you choose you, it's such a powerful message to the universe. It's like it's like I'm done coming second. You know, it's like this this protective thing, codependency, all all of the stuff interwoven, it's like I'm done coming second, like my well-being and my, my self, is a priority, you know, and that's not, that's not selfish, that's not selfish at all, and I think that that is also important to internalize, like it's it's selfless for you to put yourself first and you.

Speaker 2:

Actually, what I have found is that I show up as a better version of myself in all the spaces and all the ways because of this practice, and so it's like taking what we've been taught, especially as women, about like you put yourself last, like if there's anything left, a drop in the bucket. Right At the end of the day, you give it to yourself.

Speaker 2:

It's like when you flip that and you nourish yourself first, then you show up as a better partner, then you show up as a better mom, then you show up as a better entrepreneur or, you know, professional, then you show up as a better friend and like when you have filled right your cup yourself, like when you've poured into yourself first everyone else, everything else is just like overflow, as opposed to like, oh, I'm so like, you know, I don't have any energy, I've given everything away. Oh, I'm so like, you know, I don't have any energy, I've given everything away. And so I've actually found that it becomes way more helpful for me to have the capacity for all of the roles that I'm holding when I make time for that, like daily practice of self-care. And the last thing I want to say here is that like again, we talk so much about not being rigid, we are humans, right?

Speaker 2:

Like some days I do two out of the three. I might just like listen to you know something from my mind, and like maybe I meditate, but I didn't go walking because I started my cycle or whatever. That is like two out of three. You know, some days it's one out of three. But it's just like it's building the consistency and it's making sure that you're nourishing yourself consistent, consistently, and it's not about like hitting everything every single day, but it's like the culmination of doing these things consistently. That makes a difference.

Speaker 1:

And the intention of like, just the intention of hitting two out of three one day, you know, and maybe three or three the next day or one out of three the next day, but that intention of like I'm showing up for myself today and whatever, like meeting yourself where you are with compassion. So, Dom, I've loved this conversation. We've just scratched the surface. Will you tell people where they can find you, how they can work with you? I know you have a podcast as well how they can listen to your wisdom on the podcast.

Speaker 2:

So the first thing I was going to say is usually, when I have beautiful conversations with a host, I'll like wait until we come off to ask, but I'm like, well, if I ask on camera sheet or on audio, she has to say yes. So I would love for you to join me on the school of healing, for us to have another conversation. I have totally enjoyed just chatting with you today and it will be such an honor to have you and just learn more about your journey, if you're open to that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that'd be so fun. I would love that.

Speaker 2:

So I have a podcast, it's called the School of Healing, and I hang out there in addition to joining other folks for conversations. I am not on social media a ton, but I do have a social media presence and so I'm mostly on LinkedIn and Instagram as Dominique R Clifton. If anyone is like the conversation that we had resonated today and you're like I do need to like prioritize myself better, like I have been thinking about that, I want to start doing that. So I took that like 4% formula that I talked about and I created a 30 day challenge where it's like we build from week to week so you don't just like jump into all the things, but it's like you add the pieces of the process little by little to your routine.

Speaker 2:

And if you're interested in challenging yourself for the next 30 days and just seeing how you're feeling, like what do you have to lose, you can go to 4%formulacom and that's the number four spelled out, so F-O-U-R, percentformulacom and gain access to that download and it'll just guide you through like building out a consistent, you know self-care routine. And I want to just offer that because it has truly transformed my life. It impacts how I show up as a coach. It impacts how I show up as a mom. Like it just, it has changed me in ways that it's hard to talk about in one hour and you know, I I just want to like offer that to the world, as spirit has guided me to begin sharing that out beautiful.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for offering and thank you so much for everything you're doing in the world and your work.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for having me. This has been such a wonderful conversation after having a really crazy day today.

Speaker 1:

I hope you enjoyed that conversation. My audio in that last 15 minutes became a little wonky Just love technology over here. So if you made it to this moment right now, thank you so much for bearing with me in those last 15 minutes and I hope you enjoyed this conversation. I hope you could feel the synergy between Dom and I. I feel like so much of our journeys are similar and so much of her journey resonates with me. So many of the wounds that she is healing in this life. I'm like freaking sane. So I hope that there was something you were able to take away from this episode. If you have a moment, it means so much to me. If you subscribe to this podcast, if you left a review, it will help this message reach more people, will help this podcast grow and I will be back next week with another conversation.