Incels pt 2 - for the 90%

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay, so welcome back to the second episode of Incels, where, like I said, I'm gonna give um a slightly more theoretical approach to um the previous episode on these kind of three toxic men and the characters that were involved in this story. Um, obviously, this is kind of like a second parter, and it might not make a lot of sense if you haven't listened to the first episode. So, by all means, go back and listen to that first. I'll try and make this make sense without context of the other episode, but I don't think that it will. So, anyway, I wanted to base my analysis on a book. Um, so I've chosen five types of people who can ruin your life, identifying and dealing with narcissists, sociopaths, and other types. Um, now this book first came to my attention on another podcast, Red Femme, and I thought, oh, I swear I heard that title before, and it seems quite interesting. So I started reading it. Um, and I have been careful not to do this, and I don't think that I have to just read a piece of literature and then project it onto my own situation for the sake of finding things. But it three personality types really, really, really stood out to me. So basically, a very quick premise of the book as a whole. Um, throughout the book, um, which is by Bill Eddy, he identifies five types of people, five types of personality disorders that can disrupt your life. Um, the first one being the narcissist, a person who is extremely self-centered and craves admiration. They lack normal empathy or interpersonal skills and they react badly to criticism, so they can manipulate, belittle, exploit or even abuse others. The second type is those with borderline personality disorder because they're intense and unstable in their relationships. They've got an intense fear of abandonment and they're prone to sudden mood swings. The third type is those with antisocial personality disorder or sociopathy, people who tend to disregard rules and others' rights, they may be deceitful, aggressive, or even criminal, and how this kind of comes on a spectrum of people who are antisocial in a really, really mini and vindictive and dangerous way, and then those who are just kind of like con men. Um, the fourth being paranoid personality disorder, people who are distrustful and suspicious of others and think there are threats where there are none, and the fifth one being histrionic personality disorder, people who are emotional and attention speaking. But the first one, but the ones that I'm interested in are the first three. So the narcissist, borderline personality disorder, and the antisocial personality disorder. So basically, in this uh book, um, Bill Eddy suggests that it's a combination of two things that will make a person particularly dangerous in your life, and that is if they have a personality disorder, and what he um coins the term, what he identifies as high conflict personalities. So people who are prone to having a lot of conflict in their life, and people who seek conflict with others. Um and he basically identifies high conflict personality disorder as something within itself. Um, people who have a tendency to blame others, so people have who have a tendency to find a scapegoat in situations, I suppose instead of looking at the bigger pick picture or situational factors, people who tend to scapegoat as well, people who tend to add act badly and then blame their actions or other actions on a particular person, people who think in extremes, which is really interesting. So people who see people as either all good or all bad, you know, we're in a Disney movie, and there's just good people and bad people, and you're in one camp or you're in the other, they kind of don't see people as complex characters like the rest of us. They act emotionally rather than logically, and they escalate conflict instead of resolving it. They want it to go on and on and on for various reasons. And in this book, um, Bill Eddy said that it's the combination of being a high conflict personality and having a personality disorder that ultimately results in the personality type that is just going to ruin your life. Because he says, you know, you could have narcissistic personality disorder, but have it in a more convert kind of way that is going to affect other people less. Um, you could have borderline personality disorder and perhaps be more recluse or something, I don't know. I'm not a psychologist, but he says it's the combination of having high conflict personality disorder and a personality disorder, particularly because then what happens is that the individual will be preoccupied with finding a target of blame. And this is when one of these individuals will ruin your life when they have decided that you are their target of blame. Remember, high conflict personalities they see people as either all good or all bad. So if you're in the bad camp and they want to blame you for something, you know, that's that's it, they're kind of gonna go after you. Um so basically, to come back to my own kind of story that I went through in the last podcast episode. There were various people, um, various individuals, unusual character, unusual character types that I went through in that episode, and how they'd kind of like escalated this these dramas in my life and how they'd come about. Now, some of them I think had personality disorders, some of them I don't. I think they're just toxic. Some pit toxic sometimes people are just a bit toxic because there's a clash or because of how they were brought up, something in their personality that isn't a disorder, and that's just that. So the people who I don't think have a personality disorder, the first kind of guy that I went over was Andrew, who I said was basically just a misogynist, a pervert, a sex pest, a bit of a liar, you know, he was a rotten apple in a fruit basket at the end of the day, you know, he was went around groping women, telling lies that affected people's lives. Really, really toxic behaviour that I don't want to like diminish the effect that that has on people, particularly myself, obviously. But I don't think he had a personality disorder, I just think he was a misogynist, um, which could be a combination of many things. It could have been his upbringing. He will he was from Zimbabwe. Um, like I don't want to, you know, target all Zimbabweans. I know a couple of really nice Zimbabwean guys, um, but even they said to me a few years ago, like, um, oh, there's a particular tribe in Zimbabwe where they tend to be more misogynistic. You know, I think he was maybe kind of like a little bit like a kid in the candy shop being in Japan because, you know, there's this expat culture where people sleep around, and he probably wasn't the kind of guy to really get those opportunities beforehand. So I do think he's toxic, a manipulator, a liar, but I don't think he's got a personality disorder, I just think he's a bad egg. Um, and the other people who I don't think have personality disorders are on the whole, though there is one exception, the women who were kind of like pitted against me. You know, again, even though they're women in a kind of similar way, I just think they're products of their environment. I think, you know, um were probably not just brought up, but in their early adult years, probably were around people, particularly other women, who were very different to myself and my friends and the people who I grew up around. Women who were probably very competitive with each other, very jealous of one another. They were gossips, you know. I think they were just a different kettle of fish to me, you know, things like intersexual competition, gossip, bitching, all of that, you know, it's not my vibe and it's not anything that I'm accustomed to. But I think those women, you know, I just think they probably were in communities where that was more normalized. Um, so maybe an element of it came from a perspective of protection when you're kind of used to life being hard or everything always being a bit of a fight. I don't know. But anyway, they're the people who I don't think had a personality disorder. I just think they were bad eggs, toxic people, and also, you know, for the women, like I said in the last episode, possibly just quite easily manipulated, um, possibly because they're slightly less intelligent, and I don't mean that in a really harsh way, but you get my drift. The people, however, who I do think have personalities from those stories is um Javier, the guy who um was a complete psychopath and a complete narcissist. Jamie, the guy who tried to cheat on his wife and then deny it with this fake anime account and all that. I think he's a sociopath. And one, only one, of the women who attacked me on their behalf when these men recruited these armies against me, um, which um I'll give her the name Chelsea, one of these girls who started attacking me. Um, I think she had borderline personality disorder, um, and I'll explain why later on. So, like I said in the last episode, there was a really kind of um obvious kind of four-step. I now kind of see this as kind of textbook when women are abused and when they speak out, formation that both of these situations took with um Javier and Jamie, even though they probably like to think they're quite different from each other, they're the exact same. And the formation that this took that um both situations took was this that a man abuses a woman, a woman therefore speaks out, then a man recruits an army army with smear campaigns and pathologizes the woman in order to discredit her, and then the community, primarily of other women, unfortunately, attack and abuse the woman as well. And I do think, you know, a lot of this kind of a lot of the attacks by other women, they were based on a kind of pre-existing envy and competitiveness, and this, you know, I just want to take someone down a peg or put them in line, this kind of nastiness between other women that I think just kind of exists in patriarchal structures where women are pitted against each other. So I'm gonna run through each of the personality disorders that I think these people have, and remember that this comes into play with being um a high conflict personality as well. Um, and I'm obviously based my analysis and everything that I've read in five types of people who can ruin your life. Um so, first and foremost, these people um are gonna have an a combination of a personality disorder and a high conflict personality type, a HCP. And people with personality disorders, um, as highlighted in the book by Bill Eddy, have interpersonal um function, a lack of self-awareness, and rarely or never change their behaviour. And then people with these high conflict personalities are preoccupied with a target of blame. Basically, they're always looking for a scapegoat, they're always looking for someone to bully, they're always looking for someone to blame all their problems on, and they'll go through their life and for different durations, they'll have a different person who's their target of blame, you know. I don't know for how long, for every year of their life, every six months, every two years. And basically, you just don't want to be that person because all of their kind of like social dysfunction, really, or all of their nastiness will be projected onto you. So the first character type that I'm gonna go through is Jamie, who I think is a sociopath. Um, and a sociopath is different to a psychopath in the sense that it's more kind of learnt behaviour. I always think that kind of Javier's um nastiness as a psychopath, that really came like from the heart, from the core, whereas Jamie is a sociopath, it really came from the head. It was really calculated. So, what makes a sociopath a sociopath? So, a sociopath will um have routine violations of social norms, and that can be kind of criminal, or it can be just social etiquette, that kind of thing. So, things like cheating, you know, this guy was cheating on his wife, um, told lies, frequently manipulated people, pitted people against each other, that kind of thing. Deceitful, like I said, this guy was cheating on his wife on the run up to his wedding. Um, he communicated with me in a really deceitful and manipulative way. I've seen him do it with other people in the past, but you know, just kind of a very seedy character, and they have a drive to dominate others, which I definitely recognise in Jamie. You know, he's I think some men kind of like to dominate others by being kind of more conventionally masculine, like there'll be this big hegemonic masculinity kind of like patriarchal figures, whereas I think people like Jamie, men like Jamie, it's more kind of they're more domineering in by using mind games, they have to always have the upper hand, they have to be a step ahead of everyone. They kind of see life as a game as of chess, and people are like chess pieces in life, you know. They might have more respect for the queen than for the prawns, but at the end of the day, they'll play with anything, and they see people as chess pieces in the game of life, so they don't have remorse or feelings for others in the same way. You know, people don't have value like they would to a normal person because life is just a game of chess to them, it's just a game, and you're just a piece along the way. So this can result in things like constant lying, taking risks and conning people. I mean, he took a risk by messaging other women on the run-up to his wedding that I, you know, I think was quite a big affair as well. Um, conning people, he definitely tried to con me by kind of luring me in and then pulling away. And then constant lying, I mean, gosh knows how many lies this guy told to you know get to me and then cover up what he'd done. Dramatic stories of victimization. Um, so I think so. Jamie in particular was kind of a bit of an underdog, nerdy, dare I even say, incel type. Um, that definitely feeds into this. You know, when you think of a sociopath or a toxic person, it's real easy to just think of someone who's kind of like a more of a villain stereotype. But quite often these manipulative people they do have this kind of like weaker side to themselves because then that becomes part of the manipulation within itself to kind of get you to kind of look over them, I guess, um, and kind of think that they're the victim in situations that they've created. Um, they can be cruel, cruel sociopaths or psycho- sorry, they can be cruel psychopaths or just sociopaths. By that, um, what he means in the book is that some sociopaths are like con men, you know, like think Matilda's dad selling dodgy cars kind of thing, like people who are just after money, stuff like that. Or they can be really, really, really nasty with it. It depends where they lie on the spectrum. They have a heightened ability to manipulate, which I mean I saw in Jamie countless times. He always had to have the upper hand, you know, he would do things like if this is a really, really mundane example, but it's a really easy way for me to give a quick example. I remember standing outside um a shop drinking beer in Japan, and he went in and brought my friend, who was a guy, there were three of us standing there, a beer, and then this guy who we didn't know went, Hey, that's not fair, because I was like, What? He hadn't brought me one, so then the guy went back in to buy a beer for me, and he laughed because he was like, Oh, I knew he'd go and buy you one if I didn't. Um but so things like that, that like they're not nasty examples, but it's constant. Like he's constantly in charge of the room, he's constantly playing with people, he's constantly controlling other people's behaviour. And what you've got to consider with mundane examples like that is that if someone's like that all the time, every time you meet them in every room, then as soon as tensions rise, they're still going to want that upper hand, and they've probably kind of been controlling you long enough now to have it. Um, they will usually have negative advocates, such as friends and family, who will defend them and blame you. You know, these people have been like sociopaths, they've been manipulating people and getting people on their team. Remember, they see people if they've got high conflict personalities as well, they see people as either all good or all bad. And high conflict personalities are obsessed with finding targets of blame. So this is gonna be like, you know, the epitome of finding a mob to go after one person. Um they often target people, and um Bill Eddie says that most people do everything they can to avoid going to court, but antisocials often enjoy bringing court actions on others because the process itself's itself gives them a chance to make their victims feel dominated. So it's this idea of just always, always, always wanting to have the upper hand, always wanting to have the power, never quite letting go of someone. Um, because the person, you know, an argument never finishes unless they know that they've won, kind of thing. Um, they put other people in dangerous situations and dangerous positions, which with the Jamie scenario, I can certainly see that he did by getting women to fight his battles. Um, you know, I can kind of imagine how he would have done that as well by playing on their ego and getting them to kind of like go after me as a target of blame. Um, but obviously, you know, these women are really easily manipulated by this guy, but they're nothing to him, you know, he's just kind of like pushing them in front of the bus, so to speak. Um lack of remorse and enjoyed hurting people because they just see people as an opportunity to play games. Um, but what makes them quite different from Sochio Pass is that they don't harm you on purpose, it's all about power. That's the most important thing. It's all about getting what they want out of life and always holding the upper hand. Um, you know, and they could be after anything, they could be after social prestige, they could be after money, they could be after a certain positionality, it could be anything, but it's all to do with power. And what I found quite interesting in the book is that 74% of sociopaths are male. So the next personality type, and I won't go into as much detail on this one just because I have a podcast episode on narcissism, and I feel like it's spoken at it's I feel like it's spoken about a lot um recently in the media, particularly social media, though I do think there is this, I do think it's just um a term that people have heard and adopted not really knowing what it means most of the time because it is a personality disorder, it is really, really horrific, particularly if you meet a malignant narcissist, or like Bill Eddie points out in the book, a narcissist who also has um a high conflict personality as well. Um, you know, I think a lot of people on social media they want to call their ex a narcissist just because they're their ex essentially, but they don't really fully comprehend what one is. So a narcissist, um, you know, they feel superior and entitled. They're constantly after admiration, but as we as we know, it's a bit of a like a harder outer shell for the softness in the middle because they need this constant admiration. Because they can't pull it from within. There's no kind of like um, there's no self-esteem coming from within, coming from the core. So they have to get it externally from without. They never really have authentic relationships because, quite similar to sociopaths, they just use people for their own gain, but they're even more incompetent at intimacy or genuine human relationships than a sociopath because it's just not in their core. Um, if their weakness is exposed, which is coined as a narcissistic injury, they'll either erupt in rage immediately, or they'll seek revenge, they'll plot against you. So you can see how this ties into the high conflict personality, and um, they'll always seek revenge for rejection, such as by I don't know, framing it that actually it was them who rejected you, or by triangulating people against you, or smear something like that. And um there's loads of kind of tactics that are commonly used by narcissists, things like gaslighting people, withholding information so they hold the power, triangulating people against one another, creating smear campaigns when you speak out, this love bomb di devaluation system in their romantic situations, using things like the silent treatment, particularly when you try and hold them accountable, being passive, aggressive, etc. etc. So they're they're the two guys in this situation who I think I have, um, who I think have personality disorders. Jamie, who I think is a sociopath, and Javier, who I think is a psychopath or a narcissist. And like I said before, with sociopaths, it really comes um from the head. Everything, life is a game, it's all calculated, they have to always hold the power, and they're very manipulative just to get what they want, but they don't really have at the forefront of their mind to hurt people, they're not as kind of like villainous or vindictive or nasty as narcissists in that sense, it's more that they've just always got to have what they want, and you know, there's a disregard for what happens to you or your feelings in that process, um, but it's really at the core more about them getting what they want, whereas with narcissists or psychopaths, it's really it comes from the heart, and you know, they are abusive, they do want to actively hurt people just for the sake of it, even if they're a malignant narcissist. The third type of personality disorder that I think somebody had is um borderline personality disorder. So, like I've already um said, when these women were um kind of pithed against me to bully me for speaking out, numerous women attacked me, you know, um but I don't think they all had personality disorders. Even the very first women, if you, you know, um go back to the first episode, the first one who attacked me, you know, it was really immature, it was really nasty, aiming stuff at me on social media, you know, me getting information out of me, which she was very, very good at. I actually had a friend who told me way before the draw even started, you know, this girl's very was always very good at getting gossip out of her, very good at getting information out of me, would then just feed it back to the guys I was said something about in a way that I knew that she was doing without evidence. I mean, really, really, really like immature, nasty, like nasty schoolgirl behaviour. I don't know her well enough to know if she's got a personality disorder. I don't think she's got a personality disorder. I just think you know, some people are bad eggs. I think there's an element of kind of like just stupidity with her as well, to be completely honest. Um, like I said, there was this four-step um kind of routine that happened that, you know, from like reading about or talking to other women and stuff like that, I do now think it's completely textbook for women when they're abused by men or when they speak out about misogyny, which is step one, a man abuses a woman. Step two, the woman speaks out. Step three, a man recruits an army with smear campaigns and pathologizes the woman in order to discredit her. And then step four, at the end, you know, you end up with the community attacking the woman as well, primarily of other women due to socio-political factors under patriarchy. Um, but then you end up with the victim being re-victimised and bullied for speaking out as opposed to the original perpetrator facing the consequences. So that's the four-step kind of textbook routine that I've identified that happens to women when they speak out about abuse more generally. So, like I said, both times I was attacked by women for speaking out. I think most women were just gossips, you know, just people accustomed to drama. I don't think they necessarily had personality disorders. I just think they're from a different walk of life to me. I do, however, think this one girl who was there when I spoke out about Jamie does have a personality disorder, and I think she's got borderline personality disorder. The reason I think, well, I'll go through why I think she was the only one who attacked me who it wasn't just her being manipulated by a man, I do think she generally had a personality disorder. Um, so I think she had borderline personality disorder, which is known for people who have intense and unstable relationships. I know she was constantly in an on-off relationship with her partner. I don't want to read into other aspects of her life because that seems unfair. But you know, certainly from what I saw in the brief time, very brief time that I knew her. Um, she was very intense when I first met her, but then also very passive aggressive, which I think she probably thinks I didn't recognise, but I'm not stupid. You just choose not to have drama sometimes. A fear of abandonment, which came up kind of obviously when Jamie pitted her against me. She's like, What? What? You know, she really, really lost her shit. Um, and sudden mood swings, you know, when she was pitted against me, she was the one where really the most emotion was in it. Um, and like is pointed out in the book, it's the combination of having a personality disorder, such as borderline personality disorder, and being a high conflict personality disorder, which primarily um encompasses being preoccupied with targets of blame, always having a scapegoat, someone to hate, someone to blame for everything, you know. And she was that personality type through and through. Um, on the few occasions I did have a conversation with her, which was always in a group, you know, it was always gossiping or bitching about another woman in the group. There was always, you know, someone to blame everything on, even though we had numerous other topics of conversation we could talk about, which wouldn't involve, you know, gossiping about someone or throwing someone else under the bus. So the main reason that I think this person has borderline personality disorder, um, let's name her Chelsea for argument's sakes. Um, again, I'm keeping everyone anonymous, is that obviously people with borderline personality disorders are known for their unstable relationships, and their unstable relationships are basically based in extreme idolisation and then devaluation. Now, when I first met this woman, she really, really, really idolized me. You know, she said, Oh, everyone should just listen to Sean, and really was like taken aback by things like you know, listening to aspects of my life, things like that. Was really, if anything, quite flattering in a way. But then, and you know, I'm not completely stupid, even before Jamie bitted her against me, I could sense this kind of like um shift in her feelings towards me as there was more passive aggressive comments, more eye rolls, more kind of like, oh, listen to her comments, like passive aggressive compliments, like, oh yeah, whenever you um I don't know, contribute in the group chat, it's like oh listen to her, and oh like you know, when people are just passive aggressive and they think they're getting away with it, it's like we all we all know we just choose an easy life, but then that was the process of devaluation, which I think really was the shift from admiration to jealousy to envy to hate. Um, because you know, you know, people always say envy is one of the most nastiest things you can deal with, and it often starts off as admiration. So I think that was the process of devaluation, which anyone can feel jealousy, but it was the intensity of it that I think um would count as idolisation and devaluation, which is why I think she's got borderline personality disorder. Um, unstable self-image is also part of borderline personality disorder. Like I said, I met this woman through a feminist group and she knew absolutely nothing about feminism whatsoever. You know, people with borderline personality disorder, so almost like a child going to the dressing room to try on different hats to decide who they're going to be when they're older. They don't know themselves, so they look outwardly. They have an unstable self-image because they're always trying on different characters and different personas. It comes across very artificial because, well, because it is very artificial. Um and I think kind of feminism and then getting attached to me through feminism was just part of that borderline personality. I don't know myself, so I need a self-image. Um, they tend to be very impulsive, people with borderline personality disorder. And this woman, you know, I don't know loads about her life, but she did tell me that she used to take cocaine, probably still does, and that she had a history of an eating disorder, specifically bulimia, which is all to do with control. Um, so I think that le uh leads into the impulsivity that is part of personality, the borderline personality disorder. Um emotional instability, like I said, when she thought I wasn't her best friend all of a sudden when Jamie had pitted her against me. She exploded, created a fake account, started to insult me, was really like couldn't get over it. Um, which for someone you'd met twice was very, very, very intense. I think I'd literally met her like two or three times. This wasn't somebody I'd known for even a year or seen a handful of times. We'd never socialized one-on-one. We'd never even text one-on-one, you know. Very, very intense and emotional for someone I barely knew. Um, they have a chronic emptiness. I don't know much about that. Intense anger, which I could definitely see in her outburst at me when she started attacking me for whatever unknown reason, part of the devaluation. They tend to have instability in jobs and relationships. I don't think she does have a lot of kind of security in that sense. Um, this is a big one. They tend to intensely focus on one person early on, um, and then the relationship will blow up, so they'll probably focus on someone else, which I mean was her personality down to a T. She I could really feel that she'd got this attachment to me. Um, I don't know why. I don't know if she wanted to be associated with me for some reason, whether she thought she could, I don't know, be part of certain groups or get a certain social standing, or whether it was more to do with identity due to that like unstable self-image, but she very, very intensely focused on me, which I have seen in people with borderline personality disorder in the past, a few years ago. Um, they would do things like spread rumours, assault, file lawsuits, or call the police for things that aren't true. Um, I mean she made up, I think her and Jamie between them made up low end of crap about them. One thing I said in the previous episode that I weren't gonna well I wasn't gonna mention any smear campaigns because you know it wouldn't be fair on me at the end of the day to have to air them out and add more fuel to their fire. But once, but then I thought afterwards, one smear campaign that I will um tell people about because I think it's just quite a good example of how smear campaigns work, is that and I know this came from Jamie, but then it was this girl, Chelsea, who attacked me. She'd go, she'd message me and she'd go, You're drinking now, you're drinking now. All you do is drink, you've got a drinking problem, you've got a drinking problem. I mean, obviously, I don't have a drinking problem. I do like a glass of wine, you know. Sometimes when she'd message me going, You're drinking now, I'd think, I'm not, but it sounds like quite a nice idea, probably to help with the stress of you. Um, but that's a perfect example of a smear campaign. I think it's used quite a lot because obviously, just like with a pathologization, it's a really, really quick and easy way to discredit anything that I then say. And you know, I'm not going to give credit to the smear campaign then by fighting against it. But A, obviously, I don't drink, else I won't be able to get up and go to work every morning. I have friends who have exes who are alcoholics and things like that, and they're like, you know, just absolute nonsense. But also, you know, it's clearly been used to discredit me. Um, and it's just kind of a little bit textbook at the end of the day as well. Um, they'll try to persuade others to turn against you. I know that this woman started to message other people in my life, and obviously, she had the connection with Jamie. I've become by this point like a target of blame, but not just for her, she has to kind of like find ammunition by finding other people. Um, this was a really interesting one. They get close quick and they don't have ordinary boundaries. I think this is for many reasons, but I think because they have this instability, they don't have any genuine friendships or relationships in their lives, and that's why to then compensate anyone who they do meet as a potential new friend, they'll try and speed on the relationship in an artificial sense because you kind of have to compensate for the loneliness. You know, for most people, you don't really regard someone as a friend until you've known someone for at least a year, you've really got to know them, you've clicked with them. That's a big one as well. You're probably quite similar to them, you've clicked with them, you've had conversations one-on-one, you know, in person and through text, you're not just always part of a group because that's a completely different type of social dynamic. But for people with borderline personality disorder, they like to gradually and subtly kind of erode your boundaries and find out things about you. I mean, when this woman started attacking me, the things that she knew about me was just disturbing. Um, really, you know, I think some of it classed as stalking and that she'd gone out of her way to find it out, but other things were just like because she'd got this kind of attachment and this obsession with me. If I'd ever mentioned something in passing, she'd absorb the information. Um, he literally writes in the book that you'll be dragged down to their level, which is true. It's really, really hard when you're being attacked to not want to just kind of like fight back, but then you do end up just kind of being dragged into this vacuum of just dysfunction and drama and fighting. Um, and like I said previously, people with borderline personality disorder, they have a fear of abandonment, abandonment. So anything that makes them feel abandoned. This is what um Bill Eddie says in the book, anything that makes them feel abandoned, such as someone not liking them, you're not really someone's friend or something like that, anything like that will be met with a really, really intense anger. And obviously, I felt that when she kind of became Jamie's puppet, but also acted of her own accord, and you know, started bullying me um through social media, and you know, it got really nasty. Um, I think it got physical as well. There was, you know, she created a fake account, um, and it was all kind of like jealous, nasty, competitive comments as well. You're weak. Um, my house is better than your shit, fat piggy, calling me fat, telling me I look like someone from east tenders, you know, you name it. Really, really kind of like an intense explosion. So that's my theoretical analysis of my previous episode on incels. Like I've said before, I don't think everybody involved in this drama has a personality disorder. I think some people are just rotten eggs. Some people it's probably circumstance, some people are just a bit more accustomed to the drama. But Javier, obviously a psychopath. I think he has narcissistic personality disorder. Jamie, obviously a sociopath, um, with all of these head games and kind of like cunning me into like with this stupid anime story and then denying it and making me the target of blame for speaking out. And um this third individual, Chelsea, this woman who I think has borderline personality disorder. Like I said, a lot of women were approached by these men to kind of like attack me and silence me as part of that four-point process for daring to speak out. Most women were obviously like, leave me alone, I don't want the drama, that's this is absurd. And also we're probably intelligent enough to see the bigger picture. Like, what's happening here, mate? You know, I'm not fighting your battles for you. Who are you trying to silence? I think most people, you know, I think 80% of people approach had that response, but you do get these individuals, particularly, you know, men like this, they know how to um play on people's ego as well, um, and pit women against each other because they're used to it. Um, so I think most women involved, if that was the case, possibly a bit more dysfunctional, dysfunctional and accustomed to drama, but also, you know, played with by these men, but this particular woman, due to her intensity with me, and the fact that, you know, she kind of thought that we were friends when we weren't, and then had this big explosion when we'd really met two or three times, you know, as opposed to just distance or anything normal. I think she had borderline personality disorder. So, um, recommend the book by all means, it's very, very interesting. Five types of people who can ruin your life. Like I said, I was reading it anyway, so I don't think I've kind of like projected onto a situation. I have thought about this a lot before making the episode because it would be really easy for me to go, oh, this is what's going on in my life, and then I've read this book, so project it onto it, but I don't think I have done that, you know. I do read a lot. Um, and what's really interesting in the book is that you know, it can seem very like sometimes when you read books on personality disorders and things like that, they can seem really kind of like bleak because it's a bit like, oh, these horrible people are out in the world, and it's nothing you can do and you won't know until it's who late to it, too late to know who it is. In this book, though, however, Bill Eddie does give a lot of thorough explanations but as also practical advice, um, which obviously I don't have time to really reiterate all of it, but one thing that he says is that in the early days of meeting people, you should do what he calls, and I think he calls it the 90% rule. And that is that at least 90% of people don't have a personality disorder, and they don't have high conflict personalities either. So they're not seeking a target of blame, and they don't have a personality disorder. Therefore, in the early days, when you meet someone, you should do what he calls the 90% rule, which is in that if they do anything and you think to yourself, 90% of people wouldn't do that. So, say in the first six months, the first year, when you're getting to know someone that is going to be quite close in particular, but even you know, a stranger asking for a favour on the street, that kind of thing, because you do hear of these, you know, horrific stories like Ted Bundy and things like that, don't you? If somebody does something you think, oh, 90% of people wouldn't have done that, then that's your first red flag. And if there's more than one or two, you should probably um do a runner, so to speak. Um, so anyway, yeah, that's my rundown on personality disorders. Um, 90% of people probably. Don't have personality disorders, so if somebody does something that's a bit odd in the beginning, that's your kind of um clue to keep your distance. Um yeah, so that's thank you very much for listening, and that's my episode on personality disorders.