Triumph Over Trauma!
Triumph Over Trauma!
Faith and Self-Care: Deborah's Story of Recovery
What if your mental health diagnosis wasn’t entirely accurate? Join us in this compelling episode of "Triumph Over Trauma" as my cousin Deborah shares her harrowing journey through misdiagnoses and the critical discovery that changed her life. Initially diagnosed with paranoid personality disorder and schizophrenia, Deborah faced the adverse effects of inappropriate medications. It took multiple hospitalizations and a second opinion to uncover that thyroid issues were contributing to her symptoms, leading to an accurate diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Deborah's story is a powerful reminder of the importance of accurate diagnosis and the complex interplay between physical and mental health.
Managing mental health and achieving stability is a journey, and Deborah’s experience is a testimony to that. Discover how recognizing and addressing symptoms like insomnia and anxiety, and understanding the effects of hyperthyroidism and menstrual cycles on mental well-being, were pivotal in her recovery. Deborah's self-care routine, which includes Abilify, dream journaling, sound baths, yoga, meditation, and faith-rooted affirmations, has been instrumental in maintaining her mental and spiritual balance. This episode emphasizes the transformative power of self-care practices and the significance of putting oneself first to enhance mental wellness.
In our heartfelt discussion, Deborah opens up about the healing process through massage therapy and the power of spiritual grounding. The support of her family, faith, and prayer were crucial during her recovery, showcasing the immense strength found in collective support and spiritual practices. Deborah shares how integrating peace and meditation into her career as a traveling massage therapist has not only helped her return to normal life but also fostered a peaceful state of mind for her clients. Tune in to learn how therapeutic practices can transform lives and the importance of maintaining a spiritual practice for overall mental health, as we express our gratitude for these enlightening discussions and thank God for guiding us through triumph over trauma.
To book a massage with Deborah For those who live in the Southern New Hampshire, Northern Massachusetts area please use this link….. https://justrelaxnow.as.me/ Enter coupon code Triumph to receive $20 off your next massage And for those in the South Jersey area please send an email me to justrelaxnow11@gmail.com
- What is Trauma? Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. An emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, abuse, neglect or natural disaster.
- How to cope with Trauma Talk to a few trusted people, open up about your struggle, seek online support groups, read self-help books or practice small acts of self-care such as meditation, breathwork, yoga and exercise can help you regain some feeling of
2 Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto God, who always causes us to Triumph!
Hey y'all, welcome to triumph over trauma the podcast. Listen y'all. I created this podcast because, like so many other people, I've had a traumatic past. I didn't always realize how those things affected me negatively and how I even carried them into my adult life, and so I wanted to create a space where other people could come and we could have candid conversations on how you identify trauma, how do you navigate it and how you recover from traumatic experiences. If this resonates with you, then join me. I am your host and trauma survivor, ms Eve McNair. Let's get into it. Hello everybody, welcome back to Triumph Over Trauma. As you all know, we're doing a new series called your Story, and today we have with us a special guest, my cousin Deborah. Deborah, would you like to say hello?
Speaker 2:Hello everyone.
Speaker 1:Deborah is going to share an awesome story with us, one of triumph and a little bit of trauma. You know, sometimes we take for granted our mental health and how delicate it is, especially in the climate of the world that we live in today, with so much going on and with so many responsibilities that we have. Sometimes we can put ourselves on the back burner and it can affect our mental health. So Deborah is going to share her story and talk to us about how her mental health was challenged and how she's learned to triumph over the traumatic experience.
Speaker 2:Deborah, tell us what happened, okay so first, I'm going to start off by saying mental health is no joke and it can be very scary at times, and in February 2020, I experienced my first manic episode that ended up lasting for about six months. I also had a thyroid issue as well, and the combination of the two things flipped my whole world upside down. During the six months, I was in and out of the hospital about five times. I ended up going to the hospital about three times and then to a mental health facility where I stayed there for about two weeks twice. So you actually like it was like an inpatient inpatient the last two times.
Speaker 2:Okay, um, I got misdiagnosed when I first this first all started. It happened february 2020, okay, and so that was like a habit to be a nurse, yes, okay. So, on top of everything else that's going on, I decided to go crazy. It wasn't fun, but, um, at first they thought. At first, first they thought I had paranoid personality disorder, okay. Then in march, they thought I was schizophrenic, oh. So then they started giving me schizophrenic meds which didn't work out very well because I, I was schizophrenic, oh my goodness. So then they started giving me schizophrenic meds which didn't work out very well because I'm not schizophrenic.
Speaker 1:So what was it? It had an adverse reaction.
Speaker 2:I just didn't feel myself at all. I didn't feel good taking it, so I just knew I don't need this medication. I know I'm not schizophrenic. I don't need this. It's not helping me. It did you feel like?
Speaker 1:it was something else, or you just knew like, okay, whatever it is, it's not this.
Speaker 2:I knew it was. I didn't know it was something like I didn't know how bad I was, but I didn't think I knew it wasn't. I'm not schizophrenic like I could just tell. I'm not schizophrenic. I don't have compulsive thought, not compulsive thoughts like I don't hear voices and different things, like of that nature of a schizophrenic I'm not. I knew what. That wasn't me. I knew something might have been off, but I wasn't sure what okay, so they misdiagnosed you, they they get your schizophrenic meds.
Speaker 1:And then what? I stopped taking them.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was home when I stopped taking them, I stopped taking them. Were you home when you stopped taking them? Yes, I was home when I stopped taking them. I stopped treatment. I was in therapy at the time. I stopped everything Because another reason why I thought I was going through mini menopause because I could just sit and soak a shirt up with sweat without moving. I was just sitting there and I would would just soak a shirt. My shirts would be soaked. Now, was that from the thyroid? Yes, but I thought it was from.
Speaker 1:I thought I was starting menopause, like that's what I thought that's interesting that you said that, because I remember having issues with low thyroidism and my doctor told me that it can mimic depression. Okay, yeah, so it just goes to show you like something could be wrong medically. That affects you mentally.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, and having your thyroid off it increases. It doesn't make you depressed. It helped. It was helping with the manic episodes that I was having. Yes, yes, long story short, I ended up getting diagnosed as being bipolar, and that sits well with me.
Speaker 2:I got a second opinion I got a second opinion and they both said the diagnosis it it fits. It fits my symptoms, what it was I was experiencing, it fits. And what I was experiencing was intrusive thoughts, anxiety, a lot of anxiety, um, not being able to sleep. I was up, maybe I'd sleep for like two hours and then I was just up again doing stuff.
Speaker 1:Like what would you be doing?
Speaker 2:No, I was doing extra stuff. I was creating stuff, doing working on projects on Facebook. I was on Facebook talking trash to a bunch of people. It was bad. Yeah, it was bad. It wasn't just like going about my business. It was bad. It wasn't just like going about my business, I was extra.
Speaker 1:Because you know, some people are functional. They have functional mental health issues where, like you, can be functionally depressed or high-functioning depressed or high-functioning bipolar, and you know, nobody will know to look at you, because, like you said you complete different tasks, projects and things, but you said for you the things you were doing really didn't have any meaning.
Speaker 2:It had. Some of it had meaning, Like it was a point where I was pulling out pictures of my family and I was reminiscing, but other stuff it didn't have meaning, it was just me doing stuff. What did it feel?
Speaker 1:like I mean, I know at the time you didn't know that you were, I guess, away from yourself or outside of yourself. I don't know if I want to say insane, I don't like that word, but when you felt like you weren't you, what did?
Speaker 2:it feel like Scary, very, very scary, because I couldn't turn my mind off Certain thoughts that I would have. You know how you can just brush them away and think, okay, no, move on and think about something else more positive. I couldn't do that, so I would just sit and dwell and dwell and dwell in fearful thoughts.
Speaker 1:it was bad, yeah and so it sounds like you did a little bit of your own research regarding the symptoms you had, and that's how you were able to accept the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. So research symptoms you felt like, okay, these do match what I'm experiencing for the most part.
Speaker 2:Yes, the symptoms line up, so I've accepted it. I've accepted it to a certain point. It's still kind of. It's still new because it's just happened recently and I started therapy again to somewhat deal with it, to deal with the scary moments to deal with, because I also tried to commit suicide twice during the end.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I was just. My mind was just so far gone and I couldn't see a way out. I thought I killed my kids, like I. I was just so fearful they were safe, nothing, it was all in my head. Like my daughter, she got on a bus to go to New York. No, she got on a bus to go to Massachusetts, but she had to stop in New York and for some reason I was just so fearful of her getting on the bus and getting hurt. I'm not even going to describe or say what I thought was happening, but I was just so scared. I had my dad take me to pick her up to new york and drive her the rest of the way, because I wouldn't have been able to sit there for the whole hours that it had to get there like the thing, some of the things that you fear the most is what was playing in your head.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the things we would normally be concerned about, um, as parents, like I know sometimes, when, if I call my oldest and she's out, you know, with her friends and then she doesn't answer by the second ring I'm like oh my god, something happened. She's in this line, yeah you know. And she's like oh, my phone's on time you know, so things like that were going on in your head, but too like extremes like it's like.
Speaker 2:At one point I thought she was going to be a human sacrifice. Like it was bad. It was bad. My mind was going to some dark like I've never. I didn't think I could go that dark as I did and I got so low that I thought the only way I can get out of this is to kill myself. Like it's crazy, wow.
Speaker 1:So so when you try to, you have to say unabide yourself. Nowadays, okay, when you tried to self-harm, were you home at the time?
Speaker 2:Yes, I was home.
Speaker 1:Did anybody?
Speaker 2:know that you were having like suicidal ideation. It was one person, but they didn't do anything, so okay to kind of like yeah, okay, I can understand it.
Speaker 1:So that's why it's important to to also, I think, surround yourself with people, um, who are going to be concerned about your well-being as well, right, and where you can be safe with like, listen, I don't know what's going on with me, I don't know what it is. I need you to take this serious, right, and so that's why conversations like this are important, but specifically with the right people. I can look back at my own life and remember so many times where I felt like, oh my god, like it's over for me, but mainly it was like exaggerated, because I didn't have anybody to talk to. You know what I?
Speaker 2:mean.
Speaker 1:So, just piggybacking off of what you said, just having to have what sounds like two stints in the inpatient facility, having had a misdiagnosis one which you advocated for yourself because you realize, like this doesn't fit the symptoms that I'm presenting, which I want to applaud you for that, because so many times people are misdiagnosed, right or undiagnosed, and their symptoms go, you know, get worse, or their care, obviously, you know, declines, and so I'm so glad that you were able to be like hey, wait a minute, listen, I know something's going on, but what you're saying is going on is not what's going on. But how long do you think it took you overall to kind of what was your breaking point, right, and where would you say that you're at now?
Speaker 2:Okay. My breaking point was the last time I got admitted to the hospital. They injected me with something. I don't know what it was, but I could feel myself come back to my body and I was like, oh, I'm off, like something's really off, like I need something, I need to do something. This isn't good. And then I started paying attention. I haven't been sleeping, so when they took me to the inpatient facility, I asked for something to sleep and they ended up giving me Abilify, which is a medication, and I ended up taking it and I actually did sleep some and I felt better. And I'm still on Abilify to this day. I'm on a low dose of like five milligrams or five mg, so it keeps me stable, it keeps me grounded, it keeps me where I need to be.
Speaker 1:Right, wow. So you know obviously a lot of the things that you're saying. Well, it's news to me, even though you're my cousin. It's news to me because I didn't realize the scope or the magnitude of what you were going through, but it's so to me. It's so important that we take we obviously we take time to take care of ourselves and to kind of like pay attention to ourselves. Because you said, you started to realize like wait a minute, I'm not sleeping, I'm sweating through shirts and there's obviously some things going on with me medically. Were there things that you realized that happened with you medically that kind of exacerbated your symptoms? The thyroidism.
Speaker 2:Did the hyperthyroidism I had, I think one of my thyroids are enlarged and a couple glands are enlarged. One of my thyroids are enlarged and a couple glands are enlarged, so that didn't help any. And my menstrual cycle is a whole, nother issue by itself. But I have mental health issues around my mental cycle still now, Like I have some anxiety during that time. So the combination of the three being bipolar the thyroid and my menstruation.
Speaker 1:And a lack of sleep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and a lack of sleep, it was just, it was too much.
Speaker 1:So they say that there are. There's, you know, some mental health conditions that are caused, you know, by genetics, Some are environmental and some are due to trauma. Right, and a lot of the mental health issues that I experienced the anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, all of which I've been treated for all were exacerbated by the trauma that I experienced growing up, right, Just years and years of compounded trauma on top of trauma. Do you think that there was something in your past or childhood, or even in your adult life that you experienced that was traumatic, that maybe contributed to your mental health decline?
Speaker 2:I think me not taking care of myself helped to exasperate. That's how you say that right. Exasperate the problem because I didn't put myself first. But prior to this I put other people first and I wasn't doing certain things that I needed to do to keep myself mentally grounded or spiritually grounded and centered in something. I wasn't doing that I was just going about my business so now?
Speaker 1:so, with that being said, what do you do now? What are your practices now? Spiritually, emotionally, uh, physically? What do you do now to keep in addition to your medicine? What do you do now to take care of yourself?
Speaker 2:okay, so I do a lot of different things. I have a extensive routine that I do daily, so I I dream journal every morning, just about every morning. As long as I can remember my dreams, I write them down.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I do a sound bath, that's with singing bowls.
Speaker 1:Is that when they take that like it's like a wooden stick and they just like, go, yeah, go around and makes like it makes a noise.
Speaker 2:So does the noise calm you down? The noise, okay, it's a form of sound healing. It's supposed to? How to explain it? Like, each bowl vibrates to a different frequency. Oh, wow, and it depends on what frequency you're trying to match and your body can like absorb the sound in a sense and match that frequency.
Speaker 1:So, oh, wow. So when it matches the frequency, what does it do physically for you?
Speaker 2:Depending on which one it does, it heals you. Wow, I never heard of that.
Speaker 1:I've heard of sound baths, but I didn't realize that that's what they do, wow.
Speaker 2:Interesting. So you do that? Yes, I do that. I practice yoga, I do meditations and I have several affirmations and I wrote some of them down. Okay, my gifts and talents make room for me. I accept trust, honor, celebrate and own all that I am. I'm rooted and grounded in love. I was never given a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind. Yeah, first, of all.
Speaker 1:I think this is the most beautiful comeback, like for you, first of all, to be here and in your sound mind and in the process of recovering all that. We know that the enemy meant to you, know happen to you, is to me, is just outstanding. But a lot of what you said, your affirmations, are rooted in scripture right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and for me, you know, obviously, being a woman of faith, that means the world to me because despite all that I've gone through, despite all that, I felt like I had lost and how traumatized I was. I felt like there was no hope for me or help for me. But I literally found help in the Bible. I literally found help through God, through prayer, you know, through meditation, through being still so to see. You know, when you're going through something and you're experiencing your recovery, sometimes you think, oh, this only works for me. You know, this is only ideal to my recovery. But to hear you quote some of those same scriptures or use some of those same spiritual practices is like wow, it's confirmation to me. You know that, first of all, god is real and it works. You know, I love what you said about the affirmations. I love what you said that you affirmations. I love what you said that you dream journal.
Speaker 1:I journal a lot, not necessarily dream journal, but I do journal my feelings, excuse me. I do journal my feelings a lot. I do journal what I'm thinking and sometimes, when I can't put into words what I want to say to God in prayer, I'll write it down, but I find that that helps a lot, especially with having been so traumatized I'm prone to suppress, so so journaling helps me to kind of like get it out. Um, but wow, I love that. And so you do this every day, yeah.
Speaker 2:Every day.
Speaker 1:Awesome, that's awesome. So do you find that? Has there ever been a day where you missed it, or anything like that?
Speaker 2:If I miss it, I tend to do it in the evening then just to make up for it. But the only time I don't feel like doing it is around my menstruation time, to be honest with you, and that's just because I'm tired.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. So so you have now developed, in addition to your, your medicine, a spiritual practice, I like to call it. It's like spiritual hygiene, right, it's like taking care of yourself. And you know, when we hear like take care of yourself or self-care, you know sometimes, especially in our culture, we think it's just getting your hair and nails done. But it's literally like taking care of the self right. And the self is more than the body, the hair, the nails, the outer appearance. The self is the soul, it's the mind, it's the spirit, it's the emotion. So I now have adopted this thought that self-care is soul care, or soul care is the real self-care. It's the inner work, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I never thought that was important before. I don't know why I didn't think it was important. I don't. I don't know if it's just like the way I grew up. It was just like you always do for others. You kind of more acts of service, just do all of these things and performance, performance, performance. You know, um, but I never realized how important it was to take care of myself. So this is really, really profound for me. Overall, what would you take away from this experience and what would you say to somebody who may be going through something similar You're asking me about the experience, like, overall, what I'm taking from it.
Speaker 2:How's it shaped me? It's opened my eyes to the mental health world, having a firsthand experience of what it's like to literally lose your mind and then to find it again. I appreciate my peace. Now. I know how it feels to be scared out of your mind, yeah, and I appreciate having a sound mind. I truly appreciate that, like it was a time right after I had this episode, like I would just say every single day before I go to bed thank you that I have a sound mind, thank you and just say it on repeat thank you that I have a sound mind, because not everybody comes back from something like this.
Speaker 1:That's right. Some people went through what you went through and they didn't make it and it's, even though it's cliche, in your case it's 100% true. But on the opposite spectrum, because you went through that but you made it, that was the grace of God. I feel like, with all the prayers that went through with our family, like during that time, we were like, oh no, this is not happening to us, you know, this is not happening to anybody in our family. Like we bombarded heaven, we were praying, we were saying the 23rd Psalms, like grandma was not having that, you know, like everybody was just fighting for you spiritually and but I, what I like about it is you fought for yourself, you fought to come back, you know, to Finnell and and you made it and you're making it like that's, that's something to be so proud of, that's something to be hecka proud of. Like, like.
Speaker 1:I feel like, when somebody has experienced what you have, there's a power that you now hold and and there's a testament that you now have as well, to be able to say been there, done that, and this is how you know I may be able to overcome it. This is how I'm able to literally triumph over my trauma and even though you said that you can't necessarily pinpoint anything that happened traumatic in your life that may have contributed to you, this whole thing is traumatic, right Like it was traumatic for you. It was traumatic for us. It was traumatic right Like it was traumatic for you. It was traumatic for us. It was traumatic, you know, overall. And one of the things like when I researched traumatic experiences, one of the things that comes up is having a relative or being in a close relationship with somebody who suffers from a mental health disorder. So even that in itself can be traumatic to the person who's obviously going through and then to the loved ones around it.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, definitely I can understand that. I can definitely understand and see that because I drove. I didn't drive my family crazy, but I know they were on edge like what is she going to do next? What's's going to happen? But I was walking down the highway at one point with no shoes on. Oh, my goodness, like it was bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, wow. I'm just glad that you came back, I mean again to look at you, to know you. Nobody would have ever thought nobody would have ever been like she, been through that, like that's just amazing, it's just, it's just a grace of God. Well, you're doing so well. I see you on your social media is coming back to the things that you love. You're always been an awesome dancer, awesome creative person, very intellectual, very in touch with yourself, and I see that being restored on your social media pages. And I know that you are a masseuse as well, so you offer healing practices for other people, right? You want to tell us a little bit about your masseuse practice? Yes, I work as a massage therapist.
Speaker 2:I'm a traveling massage therapist. I work out of northern Massachusetts and southern New Hampshire and once a month I travel down to South Jersey to see certain clients.
Speaker 1:As a massage therapist, are you incorporating some of the experiences or some of the takeaways that you learned from this whole experience?
Speaker 2:My job is very peaceful. I enjoy it because it is peaceful. I can sit and heal people and help people to relax, help people to get into a certain state of mind, like I personally use massage for meditation Okay, because it's an easy way to get into a meditative state even for yourself when you're performing the massage.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, I can get into a meditative state that way, in the person getting the massage most people zone out. They don't realize that that's a meditative state. So it's helping them to be still without them realizing they're being still. Wow, so I incorporate and I live the peace. I guess you can say in a way yeah, wow.
Speaker 1:So it's like peace is not only who you've become, it's like your livelihood as well, like that's awesome, that's awesome. Well, I know you said you have a special treat for some of the listeners if they're interested in getting massage therapy. I'm going to read see if I have it here. I'm going to read it to make sure I get this right. Okay, so if you or someone you know are interested in booking a massage with the great Deborah, you can check out the link in the show notes. It'll be in the bottom of the show notes of this episode. Make sure to use the coupon code triumph to receive $20 off your next massage.
Speaker 1:There will be one link for those who are in New Hampshire and Northern Massachusetts and there will be another link for those who are in the South Jersey area. Well, actually it's not a link. You can just email justrelaxnow11 at gmailcom to book if you're in the south jersey area. And again, you can find this information in the um show notes of today's episodes. Well, deborah, it's literally been my pleasure sitting with you and sharing your experiences. Any last words?
Speaker 2:don't have a certain type of spiritual practice that keeps you grounded and centered, create one, so this way you can sustain your mental health as well as your spiritual health, and that's it.
Speaker 1:Thank you, awesome, awesome. Thank you again so much. I appreciate you being here. All right, guys, that's it for today. I'm going to wrap it up here. Remember thanks be unto God, who always causes us to triumph.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you.