The Healing Power of Art After Loss

A heartfelt conversation with Dr. Phil as he shares his journey after losing his partner Nicole to suicide and how this tragedy led him to create healing through art therapy and community support.

Phil Bulone

• Tel: +1 813-601-1688
• Website: https://www.philblmhc.com/
• Email: pbulone3@gmail.com
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/phil-bulone-phd-lmhc-atr-bc-8b860b7/

• Adventurous beginnings – Phil and Nicole were soulmates who went skydiving on their first date and traveled extensively together
• The unexpected tragedy – Nicole died by suicide at 33 during a stressful holiday period
• Processing grief minute by minute – Phil found support through family, colleagues, and immersing himself in art therapy education
• Art as healing – Creating artwork provided a way to process trauma and experience somatic release
• LOSS program (Local Outreach to Suicide Survivors) – Phil now works with the only state-funded program of its kind in Florida
• Importance of survivor connections – Finding others who have experienced similar loss provides crucial support

Join us as we support Mental Health America Southeast Florida this month!

If you've lost someone to suicide, consider reaching out to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP.org) to find support groups in your area. Connection with others who understand is where the healing "magic" happens.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Phil's Story
• 1:36 Life with Nicole: Soulmates and Adventures
• 5:14 The Night Everything Changed
• 9:42 Processing Grief Through Art Therapy
• 16:57 LOSS: Supporting Suicide Survivors
• 25:41 Resources for Those Left Behind

Transcript

Voiceover: 0:03

Tales from the wild, stories from the heart. A journey into the mind and soul of fired up business professionals, where they share their vision for the future and hear from a different non-profit organization every month as they create awareness of their goals and their needs. Dive into a world of untamed passion as we join our host, Shireen Botha, for this month's episode of Friends from Wild Places.

Tanya Scotece: 0:35

And your work now, phil, it's just, I mean, amazing as far as you know, in the community in Florida.

Tanya Scotece: 0:42

But do you mind walking us through the journey with Nicole, as far as you know, in the community in Florida, but do you mind walking us through the journey with with Nicole, as far as you know, just your journey with her, what you know? Because for our listeners out there you know some of them are listening to us monthly and we kind of reference different things but I'd like them to hear directly from you your journey with Nicole and how it allowed you to go into this different line of work and not so much different but an added layer to what you were already doing. Right, you're already serving community, already in education and already in giving back. But if you don't mind just walking us through the journey, because you know suicide is just a very sensitive topic for many people. So many of us have had loved ones or friends or family that have died by suicide. So can you just walk us through the journey with Nicole and, you know, share with us as much as you feel comfortable.

Shireen Botha: 1:35

Thank you.

Phil Bulone: 1:37

Yeah, yeah, I mean. So, yeah, nicole and I actually worked together at the school, at the college where I was mentioning earlier. She was in student services on the online division and I was on the on-ground and, like you said, yeah, I think what kind of brought us together too was a common, a common focus on, you know, serving others and just also being curious, just being, um, curious creatures of the world. You know, like we just we really do feel like we were soulmates in a certain certain perspective, even though that's like a term thrown around a lot right, but like we really did believe it. You know, um complimented each other so well.

Phil Bulone: 2:22

Um, in particular, you know, like I like to kind of talk about Nicole being, you know, she was like a risk taker. We went to, we went on, first date was skydiving, so like who really does that right? And you know, even though it was my idea because it was like my 40th birthday and I wanted to do something like, you know, milestone, she clearly was, you know, a wild woman and a risk taker. She had been a couple of times before. So the minute she heard that, like she kind of went all out and planned it, and so I thought that that was kind of an appropriate way to sort of whatever I talk about Nicole and our journeys start off like that, because she was, she was a wild woman, you know, um, we, um, we traveled a lot together too.

Phil Bulone: 3:07

We actually went to South Africa. It was one of her favorite places. Um, yeah, um, I remember she, when we, when we arrived there the first night and, um, we were listening to, like you know, the waves crashing and everything in Cape Town, and she's like I could live here like, oh, me too, so very adventurous. So we were very adventurous. You know, these are the kind of things too that, like, when you hear about Nicole and I and it's like you're kind of like, well, what happened?

Phil Bulone: 3:38

Because, like you were, you know, you guys were full of life and you she was 33 at the time and I was 40. So we were together for seven years. So, like you know, she was in her 30s, just full of life and soulmates again, it's, you know, it's hard to kind of think back to of all of the. I don't want to necessarily say good times, but you know, when I describe her it's kind of like I'm outside of myself, because then it's like so unbelievable that she was in so much psychic pain that was so invisible that you know, I couldn't see that, or her or her family or friends couldn't see that as well.

Phil Bulone: 4:29

But but, um, but yeah, um, we were soulmates and um we lived. We lived a full and exciting and adventurous life together yeah, yeah and and the journey.

Tanya Scotece: 4:44

So, as far as you know, together, you know, very adventurous girl, young, vibrant um soulmates as you described. And then, um, do you mind sharing with us the you know, the you know what happened around that christmas time, that period that literally like was just kind of um unexpected, right out of the blue. It wasn't something that you had seen. Her friends, family, what, what did what did that time period actually like unfold for for you and your family?

Phil Bulone: 5:15

yeah, yeah, so, um, but that time period was really stressful, especially for Nicole. Um, she, she had gone actually back to school for nursing. She had changed jobs because, again, I remember, like the school we worked for had closed down so that, you know, pivoted both of us in kind of career directions at the time, and so she was going through a lot of stress going through school and, you know, stress at work as well. And then we both had to work on Christmas Eve day, which is, you know, generally stressful, but you know, people have to work on Christmas Eve day and there's always like stress, you know, around the holidays, maybe added stress. But she hadn't been sleeping actually for on and off for about two weeks. So I had learned afterwards how important sleep is, especially when folks are, you know, really really stressed out or, um, you know, it really changes your brain and you could like start hearing voices even, or, like it went into like a brief psychotic episode, so, um, so she wasn't really sleeping.

Phil Bulone: 6:22

Now she was on some antidepressant medicine which I had come to find out she wasn't taking. So there's sort of an indicator. You know, lots of times when we talk about suicide it's never just one thing, but it's this puzzle that you're never going to have all of the pieces. But you know, as survivors and the bereaved, you you know we do go through a process of kind of putting together some of the pieces, even though we're not we're going to have all of them. You know, come up with some of sort of maybe the reasons why, um and um. One of the things is nicole did struggle with, uh, substance use, alcohol in particular. She never really got help for that. So she's been.

Phil Bulone: 7:03

She was drinking a lot during those couple of weeks and especially that night, and she was diagnosed with ADHD adult ADHD at one point and was taking Adderall. And she wasn't abusing Adderall because we all were kind of aware of that and autopsies didn't show any indication that she was. However, she did use Adderall to help her focus. She kind of was very aware of that. Sometimes when she'd go to the grocery store she'd be like, oh babe, I have to take Adderall. It's like, okay, well, to focus. So you could tell she kind of had a hypersensitivity to her or sort of maybe even like an insecurity or a way of relying on Adderall sometimes to focus when she thought she was had to really focus on things Right.

Phil Bulone: 7:53

So that night on the 23rd of December it was really late and she was wanting to do like get ahead of some of her work that she knew she had to complete the next day.

Phil Bulone: 8:03

So she had brought home these, like you know, a computer screen for the laptop, so she could have a couple of the screens to work faster.

Phil Bulone: 8:10

And she was drinking a lot that night, a lot, a lot, and then she had taken Adderall real late, and then at one point, about 10, 10, 11 o'clock, she was trying to put these computers together so she could start working, and we just couldn't get the computer screens to work.

Phil Bulone: 8:28

And so she did go into a bit of a rage that night and kind of carried on and was making a scene outside and was just real ragey, you know, about not being able to have the computers working, and so, like one thing led to another, and it was, like you know, trying to help just de-escalate, come to bed, just come to bed, and just lots of slamming doors and just try to de-escalate her. And it wasn't, you know, it wasn't, though you know, anything that was out of the norm, because when she was drinking and she could rage like that, and you know, most times she would, you know, just come back to bed, or pretty much. You know, clearly, every other time she would just sleep it off. But not, not the case this time. So I went to bed and then I actually found her the next morning and she, she actually hanged herself from the computer courts.

Tanya Scotece: 9:25

Wow, wow, wow next morning and she, she actually hanged herself from the computer courts. Wow, wow, wow. It's just the story I I've you've shared um you know, I've heard the story but, every time I hear it, dr phil, it just it's. It just brings back just those raw emotions yeah yeah and um, did she leave a note? Was there a note left or anything?

Phil Bulone: 9:42

so she didn't leave a note. No, she didn't leave me a text, it was like a 201 am and I found her at seven o'clock. Basically am and um. It said love you xo. And that was the way she would sign, like you know, greeting cards to me or whatever. Right, it was like love you xo. So so yeah, and interestingly enough, now that I'm into this work with suicide loss and post-prevention work, you have come to learn that actually only 20% of those who really die by suicide leave a note. So it's not a whole.

Phil Bulone: 10:13

yeah, it's not like a large, a large sort of percentage and so many times, even when someone leaves a note, I've noticed and observed it doesn't really make much of a yeah it doesn't.

Tanya Scotece: 10:26

It doesn't solve the uh, doesn't solve the, the questions that we have, as you know, as families and uh those left behind. So what was that? So I mean first of all, just you know, I mean we. So we so appreciate you just going there with us, as far as you know, helping us understand what you're doing now and your work. So from that moment so that was Christmas Eve. Then, right, the Christmas.

Phil Bulone: 10:50

Eve. Early Christmas Eve morning. Yeah, okay.

Tanya Scotece: 10:54

And and then, from that point on, how did you like what happened? Like, how did? How do you? How do you get through the day? What was that? What was it like, minute by minute?

Phil Bulone: 11:04

I mean, yeah, like we, we talk about that like second, but we say minute by minute, then we're like second by second. Yeah, you know, it's like it's so true, it's literally second by second. Yeah.

Voiceover: 11:15

You know, I was very grateful.

Phil Bulone: 11:22

I mean grateful. I have a supportive family, my own family as well as, um, nicole's family, you know and throughout this whole process, you know they've been very supportive, so I'm very grateful for that. So, um, yeah, and at the time I was also working with a really great team and we were really close. So, um, I just did a lot of reaching out, you know, in that sense, and being around people helped me at first. Yeah, so it was. It was minute by minute.

Phil Bulone: 11:51

I did go to some therapy at first, but but for me, diving into school right away and kind of, you know, serendipitously or whatever, however, we want to sort of say that it, being a program that was specifically for therapy, was the best therapy for me. Now, I spent a lot of money on a degree, but it was worth it, because I don't think I could have gotten that kind of of of sort of therapeutic experience even if I just went to a therapist, let's say, a couple of times a week even, or you know. However, that works, but for me to immerse myself into. That is really what I personally needed.

Tanya Scotece: 12:45

Right, right, having this pivot, can you walk our listeners through? Just a general overview of your master's thesis, for this degree was dedicated to Nicole.

Phil Bulone: 12:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I did was I mean, I actually so it was. It was primarily an art therapy degree, so, you know, I focused on on making art about my experience of losing Nicole. So it was about, you know, a little bit, almost, let's say, about three years worth of work. So I created a body of work that, as I was noticing, was really documenting my path, like visually, from the moment I found Nicole until about three years later. So it was really powerful. And I also noticed, though, that, instinctively, I was actually making art before I even started the art therapy program, probably because of my background in design, and that just that became.

Phil Bulone: 13:51

I came more familiar with the fact that that was my language, like creating was my language, and to express all of the all of the trauma and the grief and the loss so because like I, I instinctively was just, even even when you start, when he and some folks might actually do this too like, even just starting off with like oh, I gotta arrange the pictures for you know, the photos for the, for the, for the funeral, right, it was like I was doing it in such a way that I was creating a story and I was bringing in other images from magazines, and so I literally, like, was creating a collage and I didn't even know it. You know, it was my first way of like processing, right, um, and then I kind of got into more, you know, more in-depth artistic expressions, um, very early on. So, yeah, it chronicled my journey. That was what my thesis was.

Tanya Scotece: 14:46

Yeah, and if you don't mind, just if you just real brief share with the listeners as far as the how, the art that first came out of you was very raw, right? Those like can you just walk us through that just from the actual momentum.

Phil Bulone: 15:02

Yeah, I mean they were very raw, they were somewhat primitive, you know, I think part of that too was just, you know, clearly, dealing with my own trauma and how it could be even like pre-verbal when there's just no words Right.

Phil Bulone: 15:15

So, yeah, they were really raw.

Phil Bulone: 15:18

I used a lot of found objects actually, I used, like wood and I was creating sculptures and I feel like that also helped me ground myself, at first by using objects and a lot of more like three-dimensional artwork, so that expressed a lot of the rawness, and then just by so that expressed a lot of the rawness, and then just by abstracting a lot of the um images that I had in my mind about finding nicole, I mean, because clearly that was that was kind of the first sort of um part of this that I was processing with the, with the intensive, intrusive, you know, images and um, abstracting them so I could see them in a different way, from a different perspective, as well as just the process of creating and using the materials allowed me to sort of transfer all of that torment and trauma into something else.

Phil Bulone: 16:16

Not that it really ever goes away, but it did softened it, it did take the charge out. There was one point in um about february. Yeah, when I was was creating some pieces and I I physically felt um a release in my body wow, that's so powerful, so like both powerful and empowering to you.

Tanya Scotece: 16:45

Wow, so like a somatic release, yeah an absolute somatic release yeah. Good.

Phil Bulone: 16:52

Yeah, and other people could do it in other ways, you know, whether writing or exercising and things like that but for me it was really about creating the art you know and the meaning out of it.

Shireen Botha: 17:04

I'm going to pop in here because I have a few questions of my own just to confirm the thesis and your art show. But before we continue, I just want to add a little bit of a buzzsprout ad here. So, listeners, friends from Wild Places, I'm sure you all know, but for the newbies, it is a place to share stories, like Phil and from other business owners as well, and professionals. It is a safe space for them. So we also feature nonprofits every month to try and make a difference or give a helpline to someone in need. To try and make a difference or give a helpline to someone in need. So do you have a message you want to share with the world? Or maybe you think it'll just be fun to have your own talk show?

Shireen Botha: 17:49

Podcasting is an easy, inexpensive and fun way to expand your reach online. To start your own podcast, follow the link in the show notes. This lets Buzzsprout know we sent you and it does help support the show. Remember, the team at buzzsprout is passionate about helping you succeed. Tanya and I use this platform to grow our network. We find that networking is super important in growing businesses, um, and growing, as I said, your reach. So, uh, we really love Browse Sprout and what it does for us.

Shireen Botha: 18:30

Um, but yes, phil, you know, first of all, I that was the first time I'd actually heard the story of Nicole, so I was a little bit taken back. Um, so when you talk about well, when Tanya talks about thesis and your art, are you referring to your art show that's called a step ahead of my tormented mind, or is that something different? And if that is something different, would you like to share a little bit more about that? Because I had a look at it and I'm absolutely in awe of your art. I think it's beautiful, um, and so expressive, but, yeah, so please let us know, is it's, is it the same thing that Tanya's talking about or was it something else?

Phil Bulone: 19:20

Yeah, it's relatively the same. Most of the pieces that I had made for my thesis are in the art show. Now the thesis was a bit more academic, so there was more of a methodical know, a methodical, clearly, you know a methodical way of doing it, and not every piece is up from. My thesis is in the art show because I, you know, I focus on qualitative research and so I did a lot of like um, um, sort of smaller pieces that then led to a bigger piece.

Phil Bulone: 19:58

So really, the what's in the world of art therapy would be a response art. So I'd make, like I'd make a piece of art and then I would respond to it. So it kind of builds in its meaning. So not all of that is in the show. The art show just sort of like the final pieces, and then there's a few others in the art show that I had made after I had graduated. So it's not 100% the same. My master's thesis in the art show, but the master's thesis basically was the inspiration for the art show, and the art show was showed in Southeast Florida at Mental Health America and that's also where I work. So yeah, I was honored for them to allow me to have it shown there in one of their galleries.

Shireen Botha: 20:49

Yeah, your art is amazing. Is there a place that people can access it to go and actually see it? Do you have a link or anything of the sort?

Phil Bulone: 20:59

Not yet, but I'm working on that. Yeah, I'd like on that, yeah.

Shireen Botha: 21:02

I'd like to share that art, I mean it is beautiful and it's very expressive and moving.

Phil Bulone: 21:08

Yeah.

Shireen Botha: 21:11

So tell us a little bit more about LOSS and what LOSS does for the community.

Phil Bulone: 21:18

Yeah, so I'm very grateful to be a part of LAW. So I guess, as I mentioned, local outreach to suicide survivors and, in particular, suicide loss survivors. So it's the only program of its kind that's funded in the state of Florida. But originally it was started a couple of about 30, 30 years ago by a gentleman named Dr Frank Campbell and he was a social worker and you know, as I understand, he had experienced a suicide in his life when he was younger and he had done some research in the area and it showed that, you know, as he progressed in his career, he had done some research and it showed that for those who've been left behind or lost a loved one to suicide, it would take about four and a half years for someone to reach out for help and because of all the stigma and all of the things around, the unique sort of experience we actually say unique experience of losing someone to suicide or shortly after kind of like as alongside first responders to help create connection and deliver resources. So a lot of I think a lot of what sort of started out grassroots were like in communities where maybe they didn't have a lot of access to mental health or access to like services within law enforcement, finding um focused on, like human services and things like that, but um. So I think that's how, why that was like really the need, and then it started to grow. But um, as it grew over the decades, um, the, the l in in local, really becomes important.

Phil Bulone: 23:19

So each one of these teams, in whatever county or jurisdiction that you may reside in, are very, very different. So, in Broward County, which is just outside of Miami and basically greater Fort Lauderdale, that's the county we serve, and it's an urban population of about 2 million people. So we really work closely with law enforcement and their victim advocates within the law enforcement agency. So, when they do get called out to a suicide, they'll work on their protocols to help us get out there to be with the family right away, and if not right away, then shortly after. And we may do a lot of home visits, but that's our primary role is to connect with folks right away Rather than after.

Phil Bulone: 24:01

And we may do a lot of home visits, but that's our primary role is to connect with folks right away, rather than four and a half years matter of really minutes or hours or days. To really, though, make those that have been left behind or have had experience, you know, left behind or have had experience alone to just show up and give them permission really to talk about suicide, because even you know, as a person who's lost a loved one to suicide, it might be the first time they might even say the word suicide and it's such a hard word to clearly even just enter your mind, let alone speak. So by us showing up, it just gives them permission. Make them not feel alone, give them a little bit sense of hope because right now you know, at that moment, clearly your world has completely changed in so many profound ways and if you could give a piece of advice to somebody that has lost somebody through suicide but does not have a community or nonprofit like Lost to reach out to.

Shireen Botha: 25:10

I'm hoping that now we've given the helpline to someone like that in that position, but what is that piece of advice that you would give them right now, if they're listening?

Phil Bulone: 25:21

Yeah, I mean clearly look to see if you have a lost team in your area, more than I won't, because it still hasn't necessarily gained the momentum to be organized within different areas. So it's very again, sort of grassroots still, sort of grassroots still. But I would say, find ways to connect with other survivors, and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, or AFSPorg, has on their website a link where you could even just plug in your zip code and it'll show you where there will be some support groups for suicide loss survivors. You know, whether they're peer support groups or run by a clinician, most are really peer. That's really where the magic comes from. That's what I would say would be like one of the first steps. Clearly, getting help from a therapist one-on-one is important. What I've learned personally, as well as my observations of others, you know meeting with you know hundreds of survivors in the last few years, you know, has been meeting with someone else who's gone through a similar experience. That's really what helps the most.

Shireen Botha: 26:34

Tune in next week for part three of Friends from Wild Places.

Voiceover: 26:40

You've been listening to Friends from Wild Places with Shireen Botha. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast from the links to catch every episode and unleash your passion.