Teaching Death Care With Heart

Death care looks “quiet” from the outside, but the work is technical, emotional, and relentless and the biggest challenge is often the one nobody admits: not having access to the training you need when a real case demands it. We sit down with Jennifer, the educator and business owner behind Mulling Mortician, to talk about how funeral service professionals actually learn, where skill gaps come from, and what it takes to close them without shame.

Jennifer Lares

• Website: Mullingmortician.com
• Tel: +1 352-509-6273
• Email: Mullingmortician@gmail.com
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-lares-a09163302

We also go behind the brand. Why “mortuary Mary Poppins” fits, how a lighter tone can humanize a profession people stereotype, and what resistance looks like in an industry with gatekeeping tendencies. Then we shift to leadership and mental health: self management, time blocking, the Eisenhower matrix, and the power of “no” as a complete sentence when your creative energy is running out.

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Transcript

Show Opening And Purpose

Voiceover 0:03

Tales from the Wild. Stories from the Heart. A journey into the mind and soul of FIDA business professionals where they share their vision for the future. And hear from a different non-profit organization every month as they create awareness of their goals and their needs. Dive into a world of untamed passion. As we join our host, Shireen Botha, for this month's episode of Friends from Wild Places.

Tanya Scotece 0:34

Wow, fascinating.

From Navy To Doctorate

Tanya Scotece 0:36

And then how, so and then when did this education piece, because it sounds like you've, I know you've shared with me personally, but for our listeners, like this piece about writing and this curious aspect about you, right? Like to learn more, do more, like your research. How did the education piece to become a moratorium instructor come about? Was that something that you thought about early on, or did that kind of evolve as you evolved within the profession?

Jennifer Lares 1:02

I would say it evolved as I did because um I decided as soon as I was able to start classes while I was in the Navy, I completed my bachelor's. And then after I had the GI Bill, so I completed my master's. And then I had a hard time with the idea of leaving money on the floor. And the thing is, I still had money I could spend. And um I'm like, ma'am, you know, I should pursue a doctorate. I should just do it because the money was there. Because mortuary school, I paid on my own. It was really hard. I worked multiple jobs. I couldn't get a job in a funeral home at the time because they had groups of male students that worked there and lived in the upstairs, right? And I remembered that struggle, and so I'm like, man, I have money that I can keep going to school, and I love learning things. So as I was working on my doctorate, I mean, let's be honest, in funeral service, that doesn't mean a whole lot. Your level of education beyond what's needed for licensure and maybe a little bit smidgy more for like a leadership role is really to be honest, where the value kind of ceases, and then after that, you're just doing it for other reasons. Well, I thought, what can I do with this doctorate? Like, where is this gonna matter? And as I was doing research and working on it, and you know, working with my mentor professor, she was like, you know, you like teaching, obviously, like within academia, it matters, right? Um, so basically, as I was working on school, I got my first teaching job was within the business acumen, and it was here in San Antonio at the Palo Alto College. And then that from there, you know, I learned course design and because you can know how to do something, but that does not mean you're able to convey that to someone else. And when you're dealing with adult learners, you have to put on an education, you have to take on educator training and education yourself, but besides be a practitioner, so there's more of an expectation, and so I I deep dived or deep dove into learning about quality matters and and how to do it and do it well and reach people where they are, and um, that's kind of what pulled me into education, and I get excited by the students because I remember being where they were, and I jokingly say I have a little bit of a vampire tendency because maybe I get a little energy from their enthusiasm because it hasn't been crushed maybe yet, and depending on this the case, but um, they're just so hungry to learn and do well, the majority, and so I find that really motivating, and I'm excited with them, and I remember that that awe of everything being new and like seeing your first embalming when you're like, holy cow, like what just happened in front of me, right? You felt like you just saw this incredible experience of change right before your eyes, and so I feel like with teaching, you get access to that experience over and over, but you also get to see the realities of what's going on out in the field, and you have your finger on the pulse of what the profession is really looking like versus what people think it's looking like, and so I just I dove in and I have enjoyed teaching ever since. I was even adjunct teaching while I was in Germany. I was still adjunct teaching in funeral service because I enjoy it that much.

Tanya Scotece 4:07

Yeah.

Why Training Access Matters

Tanya Scotece 4:08

So, and how did this mulling mortician come about? Where did that how did that evolve?

Jennifer Lares 4:13

Oh, so because I love teaching and education, um, you know, I recognize and and I still honestly I believe this 100,000 percent. You know, there are things that we want to learn that we within our work sometimes don't have access to the opportunity to learn. And what happens is um, you know, you're subject to whomever you're working with or alongside in the funeral homes. And this can impact your front-of-house abilities, but it can also impact your abilities to care for the decedents. And over the years, I would um I would notice my own shortcomings and lack of knowledge in how to do something, and I would get frustrated and disappointed in it because at the end of the day, it was the family who was not getting what they could have gotten, right? Like when you when you prepare someone and you don't know how to fix a particular trauma or discoloration, and nobody around you does, and so there they are, there's the person, and you are disappointed in the presentation already. And then when you bring the family in, they're like, Well, why is that like that, right? And there's that disappointment and just lack of access. So I was like, what if instead of you know people having to go out of their way to travel far to pay a lot of money for an educational opportunity that their firm may or may not support, um, and we'll have the excuse of, well, you're gonna be gone and we need you here. I'm like, what if I could create a way for people to have access to the learning and the information and have it apply to their clients and to their systems? Because one of the things when I was working for the Navy is well, especially the Navy, because I was working during conflict time with them, um, but then even later in the Army, I have a lot of experience on like trauma, restoration, and then I took additional training to to hone those skills. Um, had I not done that, and not the military didn't necessarily support all that. Like I did a lot of that on my own because I wanted to learn. But had I not done that, I would still hit those those walls where I wouldn't be able to tell you potentially what to do about something. And that bridge of of not knowing how to do something, that space in between where you don't know and then you learn, it can be shortened or avoided by having access to things. So Mulling Mortician, I'm like, I can create some, I don't need to roll in wealth, which I'm telling you in funeral service, I don't think anyone actually does. I think there's you are spot on, you are spot on. I mean, I love how we get vilified in like movies and whatnot, and they're like, oh, their biggest sale. I'm like, who? Who are you talking about? Like, this person is not real. It's like Santa Claus level like ridiculousness. But um, but so my goal is a sweet spot in between, right? Like, I know I need to eat and I need to be able to get replenished supplies, and I need to be able to, you know, do certain things, but what if I can make things easier to obtain? What if I can go to a site and I can teach five people at one time and we're working in their business with their cases, with their supplies, because I'm not trying to sell them fluid or anything. And it's like I can also show them a variety of ways to do things so that they don't just learn and go back and I'm like, well, that was really cool, but we don't use that filler here. Or yeah, that makeup was really neat. We don't use that here because you have that sometimes. So it's like, what if I can work with what they have and show them how to use what they already have? And then as I'm working with them, what's exciting is watching them, like watching that light bulb come on for them, whether we're doing like waterless embalming or something they've not done before or done enough to be confident in it, like certain techniques or um because you know, restoration, it's not always dramatic, right? It's not always, you know, trauma. Sometimes it's restoration from illness, sometimes it could be small things. So what if when they are able to do a small thing better, they get so excited, and I get excited and showing them. I do reports for their leadership so that they know the like the leadership knows, like, hey, here's what we did today. This person did really well with this. Um, and I continue to be available to them. So I I'm actually going to Miami this fall for the third time because a firm has me come every year and we build on whatever we did last year. And so I'm gonna be working with the same batch of people, and by now I know them really well too, and they feel comfortable enough with me that they're like, hey, I hope when you come we can learn about this. And when you go into someone else's prep room, it's kind of like you're trying to cook in their kitchen. And so if they don't respect you or they don't recognize that you know what you're talking about, and you don't go in there acting like you know all the things, like then you'll you'll establish a rapport with them because sometimes that can be hard too. If your approach is off, you know, and you're like, I'm the Molly Mortician, and you have people that call themselves like the mother of whatever. Like, can we just be honest? Like, no, you haven't birthed anything in this in this industry or in this profession. I mean, seriously, I'm sorry. If if you want to pretend you invented something, um, you know what? Kudos to you if that's what you need. I'm just trying to help people be better, maybe um benefit from some of my own nerdiness because when I'm interested in something, I go hard into re-learning as much as I can about it. So that's where my business idea came from was accessibility and honing skills and not having to wait until someone else finds it important enough to send you to a training. Because I think too, people need to kind of take control of their career and their acceleration and learning and growth. Because if you wait for the owner or the manager, then you may just be sitting there and then you may be doing good enough, and then you know it's a personal choice.

Naming The Mulling Mortician

Jennifer Lares 9:57

Okay, how did you pick the name? How did that name evolve? Mulling rotation. Probably because I I think a lot about like my research and a talk, like if I'm if I'm learning about something like right now, I'm um I'm wrapping up some research that has to do with bias and behavioral models of women in different professional environments and collaborations. So, like I've read a ton of books, and then I ponder and I pick things apart, and then um, so basically, because even when I'm not working, I'm like I'm nerding out in some capacity, and I do a lot of thinking and researching. And so um, I think I thought the mulling would be good because I'm I mean I didn't give birth to anything, but I think a lot. So I'm like, okay, we're gonna be the mulling mortician, and then my Anubis has like the thinking hand under the head because that's that's usually me. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna, and no one else has gotten this one yet. So I was like, okay, cool, I'm gonna take this and design my logo, and and there it is.

Shireen Botha 10:54

So yeah, super interesting, super interesting. This is topic is going uh, I'm learning new things

Quick Podcasting Plug And Link

Shireen Botha 11:01

all the time. So before we move on, I just want to jump in here with a little bit of uh well, you listeners, you know it's I mean, friends from wild places. This is a place where we share stories from other business owners and professionals like Jennifer. Um, it's a safe space, right? So we can show that support and people feel safe to tell their stories, their wild hearts, right? We feature nonprofits every month to try and make a difference uh or give a helpline. So, do you have a message that you want to share with the world? Or maybe you think it'll be fun to start your own talk show. Podcasting is very easy, it's inexpensive, and it is a fun way to expand your reach online. To start your own podcast, if you feel like it, why don't you follow the link in the show notes? This lets Buzz Sprout know that we sent you and it does help support the show. And remember, the team at BuzzSprout is passionate about helping you succeed, and it is a super easy, friendly platform where you can upload one time and it goes to all the live streaming platforms, so it's really simple, and that's what you need in this day and age.

Mortuary Mary Poppins Energy

Shireen Botha 12:19

So, Jennifer, people sometimes call you the mortuary Mary Poppins, talk about nicknames because of how you train others. Did it take a lot of courage to bring a lighter, more educational vibe to an industry that most people see as very stiff and cold?

Jennifer Lares 12:41

Yes, so when I have a Disney character reference, like I get mixed reactions to that, but the idea is, and I know some of the younger people are like, who's Mary Poppins, right? Um, but the idea of just popping into a place, and I literally I pack so much interesting stuff, and sometimes I'll pack things just to show them that are new within my and I come with this big suitcase, and it's like my little Mary Poppins bag, and I just start pulling out all kinds of stuff, and people get excited about it. So that's kind of where that came from because if you notice in in her character, she drops into a place that needs help with something, um, a situation, and then once it's all resolved, she just floats off, right? So I'm like, okay, that's kind of like like my my business, uh, my business structure, right? I just come in, I help you with what you need, um, and then I I don't disappear necessarily, but me and my bag, we move on to the next, whatever the next thing is. And so I thought it was nice to have kind of that light because a lot of people, you know, they think doom and gloom and you know, Vincent Price and things of that nature, and um within imagery and stuff like that. So I'm like, you know, I'm gonna make this more of a fun, um, recognizable type of um suggestion versus something really stiff and there's plenty of stiff, rigid, almost smelling like a mothball type stuff within funeral service. So it would be very easy to do that. And I'm like, you know what? No, how about we just do something a little more human and normal and don't pigeonhole yourself into this idea of being typecast?

Reception Challenges And Gatekeeping

Tanya Scotece 14:17

So how are you received in in the profession? Um, Jen, like for example, like you know, how with with your quote unquote business, right? Mulling mortation that you're able to travel across the country and even uh obviously internationally, but let's just say United States to come into funeral homes, do training. So how is it received and what are some of the challenges, if any?

Jennifer Lares 14:42

Well, it I mean it varies. There are places that are very welcoming to me, um, like where I go speak and I'll talk to I'll talk to their students or I'll talk to people like, oh yeah, like we know who you are already, and um they like my videos or whatever it is. Because I put little little video, I'm doing I just launched a new product and I've been making all these little videos about it. So I I've been working on that, and some of them are kind of funny, but um I think it's hard in general to get people to see the value because if they and themselves, like I said, if if you're within leadership and you're comfortable with how you've been doing things for however long, there's only a you know a a handful probably in the general population within funeral service that are more forward-thinking and progressive and open to things. And so those are the people, and there are people who are willing to pay to learn things, and that's another thing, because I had someone tell me, Oh, that your business won't work because funeral homes are cheap and they're not gonna pay. And you know what? Some will, and some individuals will. That's why I do on-site, I do workshops here locally too. Um, because I know that I'm not gonna serve everybody in funeral service, I know that, and that's okay, but I want to be available for the ones that will seek out learning and knowledge, and so um, you know, it's like anything else. So obviously, you know, everyone doesn't like a person necessarily. They're not, you know, you always thought you're gonna have some people that are probably not as excited about what you're doing, and I'm okay with that too. Like RuPaul says, other people's opinions of me are none of my business. And so I don't even worry about that, but um, I knew I knew going into this, um, it was gonna take a minute also because you have to demonstrate credibility and that you know what you're doing and talking about. And then you also have a gatekeeping mentality sometimes that you're come kind of working against because the idea of you showing and teaching and um demonstrating, you know, techniques and stuff, and being able to say, Hey, I learned this from so-and-so over here, or this isn't a textbook and it's super cool, or whatever, versus, oh, you know, I'm not gonna tell you how to do that because you know, you're not at a level of whatever it is, it's so stupid. So I have a you know, my early adopter is in Miami that I go see regularly. I did a workshop in New York, and for I feel like as as young as the business is, like I would count those as as wins, and the fact I have repeat, so I have references and testimonials to my work, and then I'm actually getting a lot of opportunities to speak at different events, and that's really exciting for me. Um, I like to go and and share different topics with funeral service professionals and connect with them and their students, and it's interesting how different, like when I went to New York, how the practitioners do work there, you know, like is is different than Florida. Like they have a situation there, for example, where you can be pretty much freelance and you just work with a one or more funeral homes and say, Hey, can I use your chapel for a family I'm serving on this day? And they're like, Okay, and you're like renting. It's really interesting because I didn't I don't see that so much in like Texas or other uh places where they work so independently and collaboratively at the same time. And so getting to train and and to speak at these different things has really helped enhance my own understanding of these different areas and it's been pretty interesting.

Boundaries Time And Mental Health

Shireen Botha 18:13

It's absolutely interesting, yeah. Um you talk a lot about leading with intention in a field that never stops. So, as a business owner, how do you protect your own time and mental health? And how do you teach other leaders to do the same?

Jennifer Lares 18:31

So that can be difficult, especially when it's something you're passionate about. And another thing too is if you don't manage, and we don't manage time, we manage ourselves and the time that we're given like everyone else. But if you don't if you don't take ownership of that and are not comfortable saying no to things, then you will get just drained in trying to serve and do all the things. So one of the things I do, um and like that I know this will sound terrible, but like I will I will say I am in a season of selfishness right now, and what that means is I will help you to an extent, but I don't have a lot of extra energy to just give away right now. Um, so I am comfortable saying no to things or people, and sometimes it's it's uh, you know, this is not a good time. However, if you circle back to me or not this time, maybe I can help you. Um, or it's you know, I'm not able to help you with that. Maybe you should talk to so-and-so type thing. You get people that want to um want you to help them make more money because they know you as a friend. So it's like, hey, can you can you show me how to do this? Because I don't know how to do it, but I'm charging other people for me to do it. So now I need you to show me. And I'm I mean, I I've got more, I don't have time. There's a saying I think Joel Maldonado might have put it out where it's like, I don't have time to help you make more money for my free time for you to make more money for your business. So I think understanding the value of your time and that it is not a bad thing to say no, and that no is a complete sentence, um, is very important. And um, and there's a balance there of support and availability, and then you know, trying to do things for people that you just don't have the bandwidth, because that also takes away from your creative resources and it takes away from things you want to invest in and that you feel passionate about. You know, maybe you want to do charity work, or maybe you want to do something else, and you you know, you have your family or whoever sub your supporters are, your friends and whatnot. So I think having firm bound firm but loving boundaries, clear communication, and then either time blocking, or I'm I'm always having to like reprioritize. And I have a one of the things I teach is like time, I call it self-management, right? And they have all these different techniques where you can kind of keep track of things. And I will pull out an Eisenhower matrix and do the whole non-urgent, urgent, important, not important thing. And sometimes I will have to pull that out and be like, okay, this is my list, and I'll have to put it in the right boxes before I even start on my day, because otherwise I try to do too that too much at once, and then you're not giving enough attention to the things that demand it, and also recognizing when you're tapped out. And I I've had to do that a lot with the writing for KB because my newsletter comes out every week, and I have to do podcasts for that show, but um, and because I don't do like superficial, hey, here's a story it came out, like and repeat the story, I'll look, see if it's of value, and then I'll add to it or find something. So there is a research component to my writing, and that you know, you can't call upon creativity like at will and be like, okay, great. Um you know how you sometimes your brain is just done. Like whether you've been researching and whether you've been grading, and I know the Dog Routine knows this, right? Sometimes you'll grade certain things at a certain time based on that level of freshness going on in your brain, and then other times you're like, I don't have much left in there, so I'm gonna I'm gonna do this over here because it it it's easier and it requires less mental energy. But being able to kind of recognize those things and put them in the right spots is really helpful in being intentional and how you do

New Tools For Restorative Art

Jennifer Lares 22:08

your your work.

Tanya Scotece 22:09

Yeah. Yeah. Any aspirations for you, let's say like short-term goals, long-term goals, if you are a goal type of person or anything that, you know, what are you seeking to do, whether it's education, your own business, for the funeral profession? What are some things that you want to do or be part of?

Jennifer Lares 22:27

Well, I'm working on, I've actually created uh trauma and that trauma and color correction heads that I customize are made out of silicone and they have pores and wrinkle texture, and they're less expensive than the other alternatives that practitioners have, and they're actually of better quality and that you can use whatever makeup. And so I spent a lot of time doing the research and development for those. Um, and I just launched those, and ultimately, I would love to be able to um you know sell those and have people interested in those because I also provide training and support with them. I started to create a library um for independent study, and it has restoration category and it has cosmetic application categories, and you can go in there and see different videos using different products because I have products from um predominantly frigid, Dodge, Champion. I've gotten some products from Necromedics, and then I have products from the company where I get my silicone and all my materials to make my heads. But um I I my goal is to be able to create these tools and supplies because that's where learning and continued practice can happen. So I'm trying to make those an accessible thing, and I'm also looking at creating alternatives to supply needs within our funeral service education that are either not there or so overpriced that we need to look at a better way to to create whatever that experience is using maybe different supplies. So success to me would be I would love to do more on-site events um with training with teams because I that's like my favorite. Um so if I if I had more than one um place that would call me back repeatedly to come, that would be a big, you know, is a goal. And then another would just be to get some traction probably with the house. Do you want to see one? I actually have one here if you want to see it.

Tanya Scotece 24:25

Yes, we'd love to.

Jennifer Lares 24:26

Wow, that would be so right now because I don't have inventory, I am making them to order, and they're based on my own face because I have control over ownership of that.

Shireen Botha 24:35

All right. Well, listeners, let me know. It's like a workshop.

Jennifer Lares 24:38

Look at you.

Shireen Botha 24:38

Like it's like a workshop.

Jennifer Lares 24:39

Oh, there's so much going on up here.

Silicone Head Demo And Use Cases

Jennifer Lares 24:42

Okay, yeah.

Shireen Botha 24:42

Okay, let me just move on to the media to the listeners. So, listeners, if you're just listening right now and you have no clue what's going on, um, go and check us out on YouTube so you can see what's going on in Jennifer's workshop right now. Um, she's gonna show us one of her heads, her products that she's created. Uh, let's see.

Jennifer Lares 25:02

Oh my god. So, this is one that I've made, and one of the things I'm working on is marbling the colors, so it's they're not so blocked off. But you can select different colors and trauma. So, this particular one has issues in each of the features, but it has enough left for you to be able to measure, and the texture is nice because, like I said, it has pores and wrinkles, it's a durable material, and so uh I provide care instructions, but also let and you can suture this. But let's say you are dogging it out, you are suturing it, you're beating it up. I can resurface it for you later if you need me to. Um, and I have it obviously laying flat because that's how we work on our loved ones, and it has a waterproof felt backing, so when you set it down, it's not sliding around. And I made a frame around it because if you do the cosmetic and then you want to touch or move it, I made a frame so you're not disrupting your cosmetic if when you go to manipulate it, or if you have wax or filler and you want to set it on the corner of this, it's a very um heavy-duty resin resin frame. So, this is an example of one that I made, and then like I said, I can make them in different colors, I can make them with or without trauma. If you're just a makeup artist and you want to practice color correction, you know, that you can use them for a variety of things, but I haven't juiced. I just made a couple, I'm excited about one's really gray. Oh, it had an accident. That's the that's some nice juicy trauma for you to work on.

Shireen Botha 26:28

What? That's so interesting. So Shereen, yeah.

Tanya Scotece 26:34

Yeah, so you this repair opportunity. Yeah, so Shereen, in in a few of our courses in the mortuary curriculum, like for folks going to school, one is restorative art. So I don't know if that's specifically where you are creating that for, Jen, but restorative art. So basically, this the students have to be proficient in recreating features. So in the mortuary world, we talk about the eyes, the ears, the nose, the mouth, and full reconstruction for trauma cases. So if someone had, let's say, gunshot or pathology disease or cancer or something, some type of situation, um, even suicide cases, homicide cases, as far as how can we recreate that decedent to look as natural as possible. So her, that silicone that she created, which is a novel, novel idea for the curriculum, is really helping students. And again, she said you could actually suture it so the students can practice suturing. So if they have a decedent, they can actually put those skills into practice. Jen, I'm just blown away by your level of creativity. So, I mean, are any of the companies looking to partner with you or purchase? Or I mean, what kind of thing?

Jennifer Lares 27:49

I just launched these. Um and like I said, I've been working on them because I want it it was not easy to figure out okay, what is the right silicone and what is the right way to do it? How do I create trauma without wasting product? And what's nice too is with the trauma, the margins have to be addressed, right? So you have to go around even the small details in real life that we manage, which is the edges of the skin, like the realities of some of the irregularity. They're not nice clean cuts, for example, right? And so I would love, I would love to have like a mortuary school say, Hey, I would like 10 of those, and then I could work with them on pricing, but in addition to the head, you get access to that library I mentioned that is always I'm always adding to it with the color correction and the the restorative videos. So you get access to continued resources, and I'm always available. So if you have a question or need help, I do I've done four colors before, um, but like I like the three. And what's like I said, my next um one I'm working on is gonna have more of a marbling, so it's not gonna be so defined. And so you're gonna have to learn, like um, within mortuary school and even makeup cosmetics, you have to understand what colors will counteract and neutralize these colors. Because if you just try to put foundation over it, for those who aren't familiar with make cosmetic application, if you just put foundation over a bright green, that green is gonna bleed through from underneath and it's gonna compromise your foundation. And so you have to understand the foundational elements of color theory, color correcting. And so this gives you there's not, I don't think there's anything like this in funeral service right now. The closest thing you have is a $900 head that's all gray and gray is already neutralized. So this is giving you multiple practice options from cosmetic application to working on tissue um restructuring. And so I would love if a school was like, hey, let's talk about making these because I I can make one of these and it's good quality and it is less expensive than the only alternative right now, yeah. Which is part of my whole mission, right? Accessibility. So that's what I'm working on. And when I do traveling and training, I just grab, put them in my suitcase. And right now I have a you know a few made, but uh when I do workshops, I use those and uh I bring them to a firm if they want to do training or work on them, or if they just want to have a couple in the classroom, like I you can talk to me about that, so for sure. Love

Subscribe And Closing

Jennifer Lares 30:17

that.

Shireen Botha 30:17

Tune in next week for part three of Friends from Wild Places.

Voiceover 30:22

You've been listening to Friends from Wild Places with Shireen Botha. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast from the links to catch every episode and unleash your passion.