Internal Factors Preventing Us From Achieving What We Want

This episode of Evolving Life is the first in a series on the factors preventing us from achieving what we want. In this episode, we are going to focus on one negative or the internal factor - self-doubt. 

Transcript

Factors That Influence Our Lives, our success and failures

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This episode of Evolving Life is the first in a series on the factors preventing us from achieving what we want. In this episode, we are going to focus on one negative or the internal factor - self-doubt. 

Here we go.

I just published a post on my website fullrliving.com on overcoming our weakness to achieve our life goals. When I was writing the post, I thought it would be a perfect topic for evolving life as a follow up to my first episode on not giving up. 

If you haven’t listened to the first episode, when you have a chance, take a listen. In that first episode, I talked about why it’s important to not give up and how not believing in ourselves is tied to the reason most of us give up so easily when trying to achieve our goals.

When I was writing the blog post, I decided I want to delve into the reasons I wrote about in the post, in Evolving Life. It also led me to ask a question. What’s the difference between those who are successful or on track to achieving their goals and those who are not even close and they’ve been working at it for years? 

Follow-up questions: What are successful people doing differently? What is their mindset? Why is it so hard for some, yet seems so much easier for others?

Of course, the answer to these questions varies because we are all unique with our own individual experiences and reasons we are struggling or not. But here is the thing: I believe there are specific reasons some people achieve success with what they want to accomplish and others don’t or are struggling to make progress.

 I want to explore these reasons because of something else I said in the first episode. That it’s easy to blame outside influences. 

Let’s talk about what I mean by outside influences?

It could be a lack of money, because let’s face it, we need it to accomplish most things. 

It could be the right tools. Depending on what you are trying to do, having the right tools matters. For example, it’s kind of hard to start a business online if you don’t have a computer and access to the internet, right?

What about the support of friends and family?  How many of us try to do something, whether it’s starting a business or going back to school and someone we know tells us directly or implicitly that it’s a stupid idea?

These are just three examples. Can there be more? You bet, but these three are pretty on-point and I’m sure you get the idea.  

Now, I’m not saying that these external influences are not, or shouldn’t, be a factor when we have objectives. They can be, depending on which one you identify with. But here is another thing. In reality, the internal thoughts and beliefs or our negative mindset, outweighs the external ones.

When we can overcome internal influences, aka negative mindset, we overcome the external ones. Finding money creatively, finding the right tools, telling the naysayers that what they think doesn’t matter.

I want to highlight these internal influences or negative mindset because bringing them into our consciousness can make a difference in our lives. Highlighting them can help us face the hard truth that perhaps this is why?

This is why I keep starting and stopping

This is why I keep coming up with excuses

This is why I’m in a job I hate

This is why I let others talk down to me

This is why?

Our mindset can change the trajectory of our lives. It can help us achieve the things we want to achieve and it can keep us from achieving a single thing. Imagine that. What we think, how we think, is like ants slowly moving towards their objective. It’s a slow process, but they get there. When it comes to what we think, it’s a cumulative process that shapes our lives.

So you have goals you want to achieve, the business you want to start, the degree you want to earn, you want to claim the distinction of achievement, something we all want. 

But for you, it’s not happening. Right now you are laying in bed, or on a train to work, or sitting in traffic, wondering why things aren’t working out as you plan, 

It’s time to step back and try a different approach. Ask yourself, What’s holding you back? What’s going on in your head? Could it be that internal negative influences are playing a part in your lack of achievement?

So what are these internal influences, and how will you know if you are experiencing them?

I wish I could say that knowing is easy and there is a tried-and-true method for knowing if you are a victim of these internal influences. The truth is, it’s difficult. It takes a lot of effort for people like you and me to reflect and be true to ourselves. You need to be willing to step back and acknowledge and accept the bad which comes with the good.

I can share these influences and highlight them for you. But you have to do the hard part and admit, and accept, and move in another direction.

So here are the first two. Come back next week for more.

Have you ever heard of or experience self-doubt?

I think self doubt plays a major role not only in what we achieve but don’t achieve. Referring to my first episode, could it be that self-doubt is why we don’t believe in ourselves and what we want to accomplish?

Think about it, when you doubt yourself, it’s because of negative thoughts you are having about things like your abilities, what you are feeling, your emotions. It’s a roller coaster ride you put yourself on that’s on a loop. It’s a vicious, continuous cycle of believing you are not good enough, period. 

I love this quote by William Shakespeare 

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might win by fearing to attempt.

I just think most of us do attempt, we just start off on shaky ground by questioning our ability to implement the how, what, where, when process of achieving what we want.

It’s time to get off that roller coaster and take aways doubts power. Let’s start by sharing one fact and 4 steps for overcoming self-doubt.

The fact is, self-doubt is normal - Yes, you heard that right. Having a little bit of doubt keeps you from being conceited, arrogant, and pompous. And if slight doubt doesn’t prevent you from taking steps towards your goals, it means you are confident in your efforts and decisions.

While feeling a little doubt is normal and may even be healthy, what’s not healthy is when we hold on to the doubts and let them dictate our lives.

Self Compassion

The first step to overcoming self-doubt is practicing self compassion

The reality is you are a human who isn’t perfect because none of us are. When you take doubts to the extreme, you are saying I don’t want to screw up; I don’t want to make a mistake. But, it’s okay to make mistakes, because mistakes are how we become better. It’s how we grow and become the best version of ourselves. Embrace the possibility that you may fail or have failed. If you are worried about failing, tell yourself it’s okay if I fail. It means you will know what not to do the next time. If you’ve failed. Then think about what you’ve learned from the experience. Try again. This time, apply what you learned from your past failure.

Don’t be your harshest critic

In reality, we are our harshest critic. In our eyes, our efforts were flawed. One of the best way to stop you from condemning your efforts is to think in terms of a friend or acquaintance. If a friend comes to you and asks you to critique his or her efforts, would you condemn them, even if you know they could have done a better job? Would you launch into a speech about how he or she suck and could have, should have, done this or that? 

No, you wouldn’t. You would be kind, consolable, tell the friend what they did right, and tactfully share what could be better. Try this tactic with yourself, too.

Don’t Compare Yourself With Others

You know, that thing we all love to do. Compare ourselves.

We all experience things differently. Just because a friend, an acquaintance, a business competitor is doing better than you, it doesn’t make your efforts a lesser value. Instead of looking at other people’s accomplishments, focus on you. You can only control your journey and your efforts. Use the success of others as a motivation, not as discouragement.

Finally, consider getting professional help

If you find that your effort alone is not helping and excessive doubts are preventing you from moving forward and accomplishing the things you want to accomplish, then it’s time to seek a professional. 

Two things to keep in mind here. First, I am a big proponent of getting professional help when you need it because no one can be 100%, 100% of the time. No one is perfect, and if speaking with someone about your inability to believe in and trust yourself is what you need to do, then do it. 

Second, it doesn’t have to be a shrink. Professional help also means a coach, a mentor, anyone who’ve been there and accomplished a lot and has the life experience, the skills to guide you and motivate you to achieve the results you want.

I’m going to conclude by paraphrasing a quote by Jesse Owens. Because to get beyond our internal negative influences, it takes effort. He once said, We all have dreams, but in order to make dreams a reality it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self discipline and effort to make it happen. It’s your life, so make it happen.

Next week, we are going to continue with the series and focus on another internal negative influence. Fear.