Why Fear Prevents Us From Achieving What We Want

This episode of Evolving Life is the second episode in a series on the factors preventing us from achieving what we want from life. In this episode, the factor we are focusing on is fear. 

To get the things we want from life, there are factors that can stand in the way. For many of us, these factors are singular. What’s an issue for one person may not be for someone else.

Still, there may be that person who simply isn’t aware that perhaps something is standing in the way of achieving the things he or she want from life. And fear can certainly be the reason.

Transcript

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Why Fear Prevents Us From Achieving What We Want

This episode of Evolving Life is the second episode in a series on the factors preventing us from achieving what we want from life. In this episode, the factor we are focusing on is fear. 

Here we go.

Let’s recap what this series is about. I wanted to bring into our consciousness internal factors, or negative mindsets, preventing us from achieving what we want in life. 

There are two things that can stand in our way of achieving our aspirations, and I identify these two things as external and internal factors. 

These two factors can shape our lives either positively or negatively in so many ways. As an example, when we think negatively, it’s an internal factor or influence that affects our ability to make decisions and find solutions to the problems we face. And with external influences, the negative ones can distract us and prevent us from taking any steps at all. In the first episode, I used lacking the support of people we trust as an example of an external factor. I also mentioned that while external factors are important, I believe the internal ones are truly the reasons most of us cannot achieve the things we want.

If you haven’t listened to episode three, which is the first in the series, take twenty minutes more of your time and listen. In that first episode, I talked about self doubt. 

It being one of the major internal factors we face when trying to achieve most objectives.

In this episode, I want to focus on fear as the second factor. 

Fear is an emotion we all experience. Like self-doubt, having it or experiencing it is normal as long as it doesn’t define our lives and prevent us from moving towards the things we want to accomplish.

Why would we even consider self-doubt or fear as normal?

In the first episode, I said that having self doubt is normal because it basically keeps us grounded. It keeps us from developing a superior or a hubristic complex. 

We put fear in the same category and consider it normal because it is a protective instinct or emotion that’s simply doing its job of keeping us safe and away from danger. 

Unfortunately, our fears have no distinctions. It’s unable to identify when we are just trying something new or doing something different, from when we are actually in danger and need to implement our fight-or-flight or survival instinct. 

When we experience fear, it is an emotional component that eaves it entirely up to us to decide if we need to pay attention to it, or put it aside for when we truly need it.

While there are different emotional components of fear, I believe that inside of our brains, the fear we experience is the same.

Let me delve further into what I mean by fear not having any distinction in our brain. 

The fear I would experience if someone asked me to stand in a room full of hundreds of people and give a presentation does not differ from the fear someone would feel if they are afraid of spiders and suddenly there is one crawling up the person’s arm.

My heart rate would still elevate for that presentation and you can bet the heart rate of the person with the spider issue is also very high. Yeah, the spider may cause a faster reactionary response, but it’s still unadulterated fear.

Here is another example: Having fear of going to the dentist is like the fear you feel if you put on a pair of ice skates for the first time and try to glide across the ice rink or even crossing a really busy intersection.

I would really love to hear your opinion on whether you agree or disagree that all fears are alike. Visit fullrliving.com/community and share your thoughts. This is my opinion and I would love to hear yours and I’m sure others would as well.

Anyway, back to fear. There are actually three types that I’m about to explain. 

The first type is rational fear, where you are facing an imminent threat and you instinctually need to react. It would be nuts on my part to say, keep calm, think rationally, don’t panic if you are experiencing rational fear. I would be right there with you doing everything I can to survive and get to a safe place if I were to be in a position of experiencing rational fear that requires survival.

Then there is primal fear. It is programmed into our brains, meaning they are innate or hard-wired into us, again, to keep us safe. The best way to understand primal fears is to share a few examples. Think in terms of fear of falling, fear of snakes, spiders, horror movies, you get the picture. On a more serious note, loss of any kind, whether by death or separation, is considered a primal fear.

Finally, there is irrational fear. This type of fear is also used to describe phobias because it makes little sense to the rational mind and varies from person to person. Think to be afraid of going to the dentist, or afraid of shaking someone’s hands because they may catch germs.

Here is another example of what I mean when I said fear has no distinction. You cannot ask the person experiencing fear of any kind to define it. They feel it and experience it, whether it’s rational, primal, or irrational. For them, fear is fear.

When we think in terms of fear as it relates to it stopping us from achieving what we want, some may wonder how or in what way?

At least this is the question someone would ask who doesn’t let fear stand in the way.

Here are three examples of how fear paralyzes us.

Fear of Failure

It’s the reason most people don’t achieve the things they want from life. Fear at its core is having persistent irrational anxiety. And fear of failure is a perfect example.

Whether it’s failing at the goals we set, or simply failing to measure up to standards we set, or that others set. Taken to the extreme, it can take a toll on the beliefs we have in ourselves, our motivation, and our ability to accomplish what we want.

Fear of rejection

I think fear of being rejected is right up there with fear of failure. The idea of failing or being rejected imparts those same feelings of not being good enough, and experiencing the type of psychological hurt that’s hard to explain to most people. The fact of the matter is, we are all social creatures to some extent. We want to be accepted, loved, know that others appreciate and care about us. When we don’t have that, or fear not having that sense of belonging, we withdraw. We choose the familiarity of avoidance. This translates into not pursuing our goals, giving up on our dreams, of doing less than we are capable of. Because it’s easier to avoid the possibility of being rejected, or told we are not good enough. Then to accept and rebuff what other may think.

Fear of Success

Now I know, you are asking what person in their right mind would fear success?

If you really think about it, a lot of us fear the very thing we want to achieve. Success anxiety exists. I even found a name for it online. Fear of success is also called achievemephobia. It’s not so much that success is scary, but the unknown, as well as the mindset of not believing we are not capable enough, worthy enough and as a result, self-sabotage our efforts, letting opportunities pass us by, or giving up just when we are on the verge of success.

I recently read a quote by Jerry Seinfeld, the prolific actor, comedian and producer in which he said, “Fear of success is one of the new fears I’ve heard about lately. And I think it’s definitely a sign that we are running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of a barrel.” 

I don’t think fear of success is a new fear. It’s a type of fear that is finally being recognized as existing. Before we would categorize others as lazy, or wasting their talent and a bunch of other labels, we used to decide why someone isn’t where they should be in life. While there may be fundamental issues why someone isn’t at their full potential, chances are, the culprit is fear itself.

However, wouldn’t it be nice if we were all just scraping the bottom of a barrel because we wanted to delay the inevitable?

So, how do we overcome our fears to achieve the things we want from life?

Start with Acceptance

Accepting that fear is normal and having it isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you is a great first step. We shouldn’t recognize it in any other way other than we are doing something different, or reaching beyond our comfort zone. When experiencing it, we should reframe our mindset and see it as a sign that we have done something that’s allowing us to grow stronger, expanding our ability to do more, regardless of the outcome..

Another way to overcome fear and to view acceptance is to choose to be a student and not a victim of failure

The fact is, we all fall short sometimes. How we choose to see our shortcomings or the things we didn’t quite accomplish as expected is up to us. We can either choose to learn from the experience and use that knowledge to do better the next time. Or we can be debilitated by what we didn’t accomplish and dwell in that negative mind space without seeing it as the opportunity it is.

We can also choose to take small steps to reduce our fears

This is one of my favorite ways to pull myself away from fear. By taking incremental steps towards what I am trying to achieve, I can do more and overcome fearful emotions. There are a few things that happen when we move slowly towards our objectives.

We not only diminish fear, but the impact of seeing immediate results can make a difference in whether we achieve or fail, do more or less. Small steps allow us to advance steadily towards our goals.

It also builds momentum, better habits and allows us to plan better. In retrospect, see our goals as more attainable. 

There you have it. Three ways fear paralyzes us and prevents us from achieving the things we want, and three ways to strengthen our ability to overcome fear.

In getting the things we want from life, there are so many factors that can stand in the way. For many of us, these factors are singular. What’s an issue for one person may not be for someone else.

Still, there may be that person who simply isn’t aware that perhaps something is standing in the way of achieving the things he or she want from life. And perhaps fear is why.

I am doing this series because so many of us don’t realize we are personally responsible for why life is not as it should be and awareness is the first step in changing that reality.

Next week, I’m going to focus on another internal factor standing in our way. Commitment.