Is Perfectionism Your Roadblock?

In this episode of Evolving Life, the 4th in the series, we are going to explore a trait that exists in 30% of what is considered average people and 80% of those classified as gifted. Perfectionism. 

With this trait, it’s not about achieving excellence, it’s a negative state of being that’s holding you back from reaching your full potential.

Transcript

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Is Perfectionism Your Roadblock?

In this episode of Evolving Life, we are going to explore a trait that exists in 30% of what is considered average people and 80% of those classified as gifted. 

During my research for this episode, when I read about the percentage between average and gifted who have this tendency, I immediately thought that this mindset, this trait exists in more than 30% of us average people. 

So I want to start this episode with an admonition that I believe we are all gifted. We all have superior talents or capabilities. But most of us mask our innate gifts with factors such as the ones mention in this series. 

Think about it, how can we unearth what we are truly capable of, what our gifts are, if we doubt ourselves, have fears that keep us from reaching our full potential? Or because of other factors in our lives. Many of us have this perfectionist mindset that makes us believe everything must be perfect in order to move from point A to Point B.

Perfectionism is one of the main reason some people don’t make progress in life and being gifted has very little to do with it.

With that in mind, let’s expose these common traits and perhaps help to finally move towards making things happen.

Here we go…

Let’s start with what I mean when I say we are all gifted. For me, being gifted is a relative term, because book smart doesn’t mean a single thing. To excel in the ability to reason and judge and think, which is considered the definition of what gifted is, can be a beautiful thing.

 Yes, to be gifted may mean having an uncanny ability to solve a math problem quickly. Or science and biology may be like a walk in the park. But, let’s not forget the quote I shared in the last episode from Calvin Coolidge. Let me share a part of it again: 

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.” 

The fact is, you could be a gifted genus who graduated from Harvard with a 4.0 GPA, and can still have an average job struggling to get by, or worst, having achieved nothing at all in life.

To me, and I would love to know if you agree, gifted people are those who, despite their circumstances, can achieve their life goals and become what they were meant to be.

My intention here is not to put down the geniuses of this world. I, Like most, am in awe of them. I’ve read that Jeff Bezos scored high on a standard IQ test and only wanted to hire the best and brightest to work at Amazon, which contributed to its success. 

The point I’m trying to make is that genius and gifted are not always the formula for success. 

To make my point, I want to mention a few successful people who’ve achieved so much. But, if you hear about their origins, you would have never thought they would have achieved what they’ve achieved. 

Let’s start with Thomas Edison. I don’t need to tell you who he is. But I will share anyway. He invented the incandescent light bulb, the phonograph, and the motion picture camera. Imagine a world without a telephone today! Just as a side thought!

Did you know his teachers thought he was too stupid to learn anything? That they fired him from his first two jobs for not being productive? Yet, somehow, he invented life-changing devices that are the cornerstone of our lives today. 

What about the late Sidney Poitier? The first African American to break the color barrier in the US motion picture industry. He opened the door for generations of African American actors and actresses. 

But, when he first attempted to audition for the American Negro Theatre, they laughed at him because of his poor reading skills and heavy accent. The director told him to not waste their time and to go wash dishes.

Chances are my sharing these two examples. Your thoughts gravitated towards persistence. I agree their persistence helped them to achieve what they wanted. But, as I said from the onset that my intention here is to share that genius or gifted is relative. Imagine if Sidney Poitier had decided that he would not audition again because his accent and reading skills were not as it should be? And thought he had to have the skills from the start in order to succeed?

Then and now there are those with this very mindset. It’s not perfect, so why bother?

When you strive for excellence, you are working towards developing your life by making better decisions, learning from your experiences, and separating yourself from negative factors that can influence you. 

In other words, always focusing on improving, continuously. 

When you have a perfectionist mindset, on the other hand, it’s not about achieving excellence, it’s a negative state of being that’s holding you back from reaching your full potential.

The reality is, adapting a perfectionist mindset creates a barricade that’s hard to surpass. 

See if you recognize these two roadblocks:

Roadblock #1: Not starting

Let’s use starting a graphic design business as an example.

You want to start a business as a Graphic Designer; you have the talent. It’s clear in the work you’ve done in the past. However, you know that for your business to succeed; you need clients. But you are not the social type. You need to put yourself and your talent out there to achieve your business goals.

Knowing this, you walk away from the idea of starting the business because you are not the type of person willing to reach out to strangers. Perhaps you tried it once, and it was uncomfortable for you.

What would Sidney Poitier do? Or Thomas Edison? Let’s just use Sidney Poitier as the example. That director laughed at him and told him to go wash dishes? Did he? Yes, he did. But he also worked diligently on improving his reading skills. He also believed wholeheartedly that the written word held the key to a better life for him and spent every moment he had reading newspapers, listening to the radio, and repeating words over and over again.

Again, this eludes to persistence, but again, I want you to refocus your thoughts and consider perfectionism. He could have chosen another career path and say to hell with acting.

I’m no good at it anyway, so why bother? But that’s not what he did. And that’s should not be the mindset of the person wanting to start a business but feels apprehension because he or she cannot put themselves out there.

Unfortunately for many of us, that is exactly what we do when we feel our efforts may be futile or not working out as planned. We abandon them.

In reality, there are no futile efforts, just a fixed mindset that’s standing in the way.

Here is another roadblock: Not finishing what you start

Why would we start something, invest our time, and not follow through? There is an underlying reason: For many of us, it’s fear of being judged. 

I talked about fear in Episode 4, which is the second in this series.

If you haven’t listened to it, it may be worth your time to take 20 minutes and listen and hear all about fear and how it keeps you from getting what you want.

Let’s go back to the graphic design business. Graphic design is a creative visual process. Your skills and ability are right there to be judged or critiqued. Chances are the person wishing to start such a business is already being praised by family and friends. 

However, what happens if instead of starting the business there are thoughts about clients telling you your work was not good enough? Or your mind dwells on scenarios why the business would fail, such as not have enough clients? Or, because you don’t have the right resources? Support? 

All of this is a perfectionist mindset that prevents you from either not starting or starting and not finishing.

Instead of facing the potential of experiencing these issues, you just abandon your efforts or prolong starting. In your head, it’s better be to judge for having tried than to be judged as having failed. Why bother even starting, you tell yourself.

Okay, so I’m sure you recognize these two symptoms of perfectionism. If there are others you want to share, you can share them at Fullrliving.com/community. Your experience or thoughts can help others overcome their perfectionist mindset.

So how do you end or lessen a perfectionist's mindset?

I think there are two definitive ways to do it. One way requires looking within yourself, and realizing what this tendency is and embracing yourself despite it. The next is even harder, especially if you are the type of person who wants to see major progress when trying to achieve a goal.

I’m going to elaborate on both.

Become self-aware of this tendency and incorporating self-compassion into your life despite the tendency can alter a perfectionist mindset.

As pervasive as it is, many of us aren’t even aware that this tendency exists within us. If you want to see if this is the nexus that’s holding you back, then start your process of awareness with pen and paper or right on your phone or computer.

I’m going to ask five questions. If you answer yes to all five of them, then you have a perfectionist mindset issue.

Ready? 

Here they are:

1. Are you afraid of failing and what others may think?
2. Do you hate when events don’t go according to the way you plan?
3. Do you need to feel in control 100% of the Time?
4. Does everything have to be in place before you can start a project?
5. Do you hate when others view your work as average, or just adequate?

These five questions are not your only indicator, but it’s a great place to start. I’m sure you can think of other questions to ask yourself that can help you evaluate your stance on perfectionism.

That’s the awareness portion of this first step now for the part that requires compassion after the awareness.

Compassion happens when regardless of knowing that your answers are all yes to the above questions, that you can step back and remember that no one is perfect. We all have fears of failing. No one likes when things don’t go according to plan.

I know it will not be easy, but it’s time to stop kicking yourself for wanting everything to be perfect. Instead, just accept this perfectionist mindset that you have and work on creating balance despite it. 

You are aware of the mindset. Now use the awareness as a stepping-stone for figuring out how to create a balance despite it. 

Perhaps not kicking yourself for your perfectionist mindset is understanding why you feel this way, and dealing with true underlying issue. 

As an example, maybe you need everything to be perfect because of something that was said to you as a child. Such as you can’t do something because you don’t know how, or you are not smart enough, capable enough.

Whatever the reason or the circumstance, it’s time to come to grips with it and put it where it belongs, behind you, not in front of you, stopping you from achieving the things you want in life.

The other way is to take small steps

This is going to be a hard step to take because most of us want to see our accomplishments quickly and not just small ones, but big ones. 

Sometimes when we want to accomplish something, we throw ourselves at it with abandon from the start. For many of us, what happens after a while is we burn out. In the last episode, I mention staying committed even when your motivation wanes.

 One way to stay committed, to not allow perfectionism to invade your efforts, is to take small steps that show your achievements gradually. You may not see immediate big results, but when we can see our accomplishments unfold gradually, it’s easier to not let negative traits like perfectionism interfere with our efforts.

When you stop trying to accomplish everything now and instead pursue goals incrementally, you see the path to your achievement more clearly as progress happens. Also, when there are setbacks, you are less likely to abandon your efforts.

Here is another reason for taking small steps. It increases your confidence and your motivation. When we feel confident in what we are doing, we tend to not want to deviate.

While I believe the two approaches I just mention are effective ways to offset a perfectionist mindset, there are others to keep in mind. For instance, it will help tremendously to focus on the positives when thoughts creep into your mind that you can do better or do more.

You can also work on realistic thinking. Which simply is reinforcing thoughts such as nobody is perfect, or all I can do is my best. 

Remember, there is always an off switch to having a perfectionist mindset. You just have to use it.

I’m going to end with a quote that represents exactly what I hope you take from this episode. Its author is unknown, but it so represents the message I want to deliver this week.

Here is the quote:

I will be patient with myself as I develop into the person I am meant to be. Being perfect is not the goal. Continuing to grow in a positive direction is the goal.

Next week in part 5 of the series we are going to put a spotlight on lacking focus. Another factor preventing us from achieving what we want.

I would love to hear your thought on this episode and on the series. Visit fullrliving.com/community to share and join our community. Let’s evolve together.

See you next week!