The Ones Who Disappear From Your Life

When the people you love disappear, it hurts — but it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you.

In this episode of Evolving Life, Bea shares a story about loss, self-reliance, and learning to take care of yourself when no one else does.

Transcript

Welcome to Evolving Life Podcast. In this podcast, we explore the continuously changing facets of our lives. How we adapt is the lessons we learn along the way and is the key to live in our best lives. This podcast is your source for the motivation and encouragement you need to make your evolving life exactly what you want it to be. Join me as I share the experiences, the lessons, and ideas for living an optimal life. Welcome to another episode of Evolving Life. Today, I want to talk about something that doesn't get enough space. Not in our conversation and not in our healing. The quiet ache that comes when people you love disappear. are the people who said, I got you. The ones who told you, you can count on me, always. And yet, when life cracks open, when you're in the thick of loss, or trying to recover your life in some way, or trying to rebuild your life, should I say, in some way, they are silent. They're not there. And you wonder why. Let's explore the ones who disappear in this episode. You know the ones who tell you that you're going to be there for you. The ones that tell you that I've got you. The ones who say, you're doing great. When you do see them, they will inflate your head with praise of telling you, You're doing great. You're wonderful. Everything's going to be okay. Just keep going. But then something happens and you leave them in some small way or big way. And there are no way to be found. And you're left wondering, were you dependent? What was the reason why someone would disappear from your life and say one thing to you and then do something else? And I know that as I'm saying this, or when you're watching this, you'll think that I'm talking about family, but it's not just about family. Sure, family is a part of it, but it's not just family. It's also friends. It's acquaintances. It's people that you know, that you were raised with, that have been a part of the fabric of your life, your entire life. And suddenly things change. And the timing is bad because typically most of us who are healthy or who try to be healthy psychologically, we know that we need to be independent. We know we need to stand in our own two feet. We know that we are our own best friend or, you know, our own advocate. And I 100% support that frame of mind and thought. It definitely cannot be any other way. You have to be the kind of person who is strong enough to stand on your own two feet and face your problems, whatever they are. And if you make a mistake, face the result of that mistake and build your life from there. With that being said, though, you know, we all have friends, acquaintances, or persons in our circle of influence that we depend on in small ways and some in big ways. Most of the big ones are family. The small ones are the friendship that you've gathered throughout your life. But there are times when I've said, and I'm sure you are saying, what happened? What happened to the persons that you depend on in some way? The ones who told you that they'll be there for you. The ones who try to shout that they are your biggest cheerleader, but in reality, isn't. I recorded this before and I didn't hit the right button and I have to start over again. So I'm going to tell the story over again. But it's okay. It's not a story that I cannot tell because it has stuck with me. I have a brother. He does not live in this country, the United States. He lives abroad. And we're not close. Do I wish we were, of course? How can I not? As you get older, stuff like that does come into your head. But we're not. We weren't raised together. We share the same mother and father, but we are not close. And when I was younger, we used to speak to each other. Every now and then, he would call me or I would call him. And he would say to me, it's not what he would say to me. One day he said to me, after we finished speaking on the telephone, he said, take care of yourself because no one else will. When he said that to me, I don't know why of all the things that we've talked about throughout the years, that one advice that he gave stuck with me. And I am sure that if he was sitting right in front of me right now and I were to ask him, do you remember saying that to me? he would most likely say no. But that one advice stuck with me, that one advice I've taken with me throughout the fabric of my life. I have a sister, I have a couple of sisters, but I have a sister, a younger sister that does live in the States with me. And she's going through some hard times right now. And for whatever reason, she and I have not spoken in a long time. And I found out that she was going through a hard time. So I decided to call her and she didn't enter the phone. But I decided after I hung the phone up, I said, okay, that's okay that she didn't enter the telephone. I decided to call her back. And in calling her back, I, of course, you know, gave her, left a supportive message on the telephone to her. But I repeated what my brother said to me so many years ago. Take care of yourself because no one else will. So let's bring that right back to the people who disappear from your life. You know, when people disappear from your life, you have to be the one to be strong and say, you know what, I'm going to take care of myself because no one else will. Even though you're disappointed, even though you're hurt by the fact that the people you depend on, the people you love, the people you count on isn't there, it's okay. It doesn't mean that you did something wrong. It doesn't mean that you're broken. it doesn't mean that you're not rebuilding your life or that you're rebuilding your life incorrectly. It means that it's on them and it's not on you. You just keep trying. You just keep moving. You just keep believing in yourself because in the end, you're the only person you have in your life that you can depend on. And you have to remember that. So don't stop rebuilding. Don't stop believing and just keep moving because in the end, everything, every effort you've made and everything that you're trying to accomplish will happen. And that's my message for this episode. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Evolving Podcast. you can connect with me online at evolvingpodcast.com. Otherwise, I'll see you next time.