{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":39.354,"endTime":40.614000000000004,"body":"Greetings Earthlings."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":40.854,"endTime":44.754,"body":"It's another episode of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":40.854,"endTime":44.754,"body":"Therapy Natters for you the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":44.754,"endTime":48.623999999999995,"body":"podcast series all about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":44.754,"endTime":48.623999999999995,"body":"talk therapy, psychology,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":48.623999999999995,"endTime":52.794,"body":"and mental health, with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":48.623999999999995,"endTime":52.794,"body":"questions submitted by you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":53.604,"endTime":56.334,"body":"I'm Richard Nicholls, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":53.604,"endTime":56.334,"body":"with me in the cohost chair"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":56.394000000000005,"endTime":58.944,"body":"is fellow psychotherapist"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":56.394000000000005,"endTime":58.944,"body":"and hypnotherapist"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":58.944,"endTime":60.513999999999996,"body":"also, Fiona Biddle."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":60.774,"endTime":62.009,"body":"Welcome to another episode"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":62.009,"endTime":62.549,"body":"Fiona."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":62.789,"endTime":65.399,"body":"Has life been good"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":62.789,"endTime":65.399,"body":"for you this week?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":65.589,"endTime":67.479,"body":"Life has been very"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":65.589,"endTime":67.479,"body":"good to me this week."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":67.536,"endTime":69.006,"body":"especially you said"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":67.536,"endTime":69.006,"body":"I'm in a chair."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":69.006,"endTime":70.656,"body":"When I'm sitting down"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":69.006,"endTime":70.656,"body":"life is very good."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":70.656,"endTime":72.426,"body":"When I'm standing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":70.656,"endTime":72.426,"body":"up, not so good."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":72.886,"endTime":74.146,"body":"Sore back, sore foot."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":75.166,"endTime":79.036,"body":"But when I'm in the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":75.166,"endTime":79.036,"body":"chair, life is hunky dory."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":79.54599999999999,"endTime":80.146,"body":"Cause"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":79.54599999999999,"endTime":80.146,"body":"you're cushioned"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":80.48599999999999,"endTime":82.826,"body":"Yes, I am"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":80.48599999999999,"endTime":82.826,"body":"very comfortable in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":82.826,"endTime":83.726,"body":"my little corner."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":83.932,"endTime":85.17,"body":"but your back and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":83.932,"endTime":85.17,"body":"your foot are playing up?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":85.24000000000001,"endTime":85.75,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":86.15,"endTime":87.11,"body":"Oh, sorry about that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":87.22999999999999,"endTime":89.45,"body":"Hey, ho, things happen."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":89.727,"endTime":91.167,"body":"Yes, they do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":91.497,"endTime":94.61699999999999,"body":"And it doesn't make it any"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":91.497,"endTime":94.61699999999999,"body":"easier to bear, does it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":95.757,"endTime":97.54400000000001,"body":"I remember, what's her name?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":97.631,"endTime":100.031,"body":"Oh, she presented at the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":97.631,"endTime":100.031,"body":"conference on mindfulness."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":100.061,"endTime":101.65100000000001,"body":"She's really interest"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":100.061,"endTime":101.65100000000001,"body":"quite little."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":101.83099999999999,"endTime":103.27099999999999,"body":"She was born with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":101.83099999999999,"endTime":103.27099999999999,"body":"a few disabilities"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":103.27099999999999,"endTime":104.231,"body":"and a lot of pain."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":104.441,"endTime":105.58099999999999,"body":"Joy Reeves."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":105.74199999999999,"endTime":106.822,"body":"Joy Reeves."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":106.822,"endTime":107.72200000000001,"body":"Hello to you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":108.74199999999999,"endTime":112.207,"body":"Joy had this wonderful"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":108.74199999999999,"endTime":112.207,"body":"attitude towards her chronic"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":112.207,"endTime":115.34100000000001,"body":"pain I've talked about it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":112.207,"endTime":115.34100000000001,"body":"with my clients over the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":115.34100000000001,"endTime":119.811,"body":"years in that it's a bit"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":115.34100000000001,"endTime":119.811,"body":"like holding cushions."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":120.231,"endTime":122.061,"body":"And I think of it like, you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":120.231,"endTime":122.061,"body":"know, when you're walking,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":122.511,"endTime":124.821,"body":"you've got a tray of drinks,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":122.511,"endTime":124.821,"body":"you know you're walking"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":124.821,"endTime":126.951,"body":"from the bar with a tray of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":124.821,"endTime":126.951,"body":"drinks to people and you're"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":126.951,"endTime":128.031,"body":"putting a tray drinks down."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":128.716,"endTime":131.296,"body":"It's quite easy to carry that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":128.716,"endTime":131.296,"body":"tray, but if you've got a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":131.296,"endTime":134.476,"body":"cushion under your arm at the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":131.296,"endTime":134.476,"body":"same time, it's not so easy."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":134.476,"endTime":136.936,"body":"If you're trying to carry more"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":134.476,"endTime":136.936,"body":"than one thing at once, well"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":136.936,"endTime":139.516,"body":"what if you've got a cushion"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":136.936,"endTime":139.516,"body":"under the other arm as well?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":139.696,"endTime":142.191,"body":"And what if on top of those"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":139.696,"endTime":142.191,"body":"tray of drinks, there's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":142.216,"endTime":144.466,"body":"another cushion and there's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":142.216,"endTime":144.466,"body":"another cushion on top of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":144.466,"endTime":147.856,"body":"that and you're carrying all"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":144.466,"endTime":147.856,"body":"these things and it's not"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":147.856,"endTime":149.806,"body":"just that one bit of pain"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":149.986,"endTime":150.826,"body":"that you're carrying."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":150.826,"endTime":153.826,"body":"You're also carrying the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":150.826,"endTime":153.826,"body":"fear of it getting worse."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":154.256,"endTime":155.942,"body":"the, the worries about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":154.256,"endTime":155.942,"body":"what might happen in the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":155.942,"endTime":158.37199999999999,"body":"future if things do get"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":155.942,"endTime":158.37199999999999,"body":"worse following that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":159.13899999999998,"endTime":161.059,"body":"Another thing you're carrying"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":159.13899999999998,"endTime":161.059,"body":"on top of that, which is"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":161.059,"endTime":162.259,"body":"what do people think of me?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":162.259,"endTime":164.269,"body":"Another one on top of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":162.259,"endTime":164.269,"body":"that, And you're carrying"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":164.269,"endTime":166.459,"body":"all these things and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":164.269,"endTime":166.459,"body":"you drop everything."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":166.849,"endTime":168.82899999999998,"body":"And actually you were"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":166.849,"endTime":168.82899999999998,"body":"only carrying the pain."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":169.224,"endTime":171.564,"body":"But it made you carry"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":169.224,"endTime":171.564,"body":"all these extra things"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":171.564,"endTime":173.634,"body":"as well, and I thought,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":171.564,"endTime":173.634,"body":"I like that Joy."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":173.754,"endTime":174.384,"body":"That's really good."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":174.384,"endTime":176.60399999999998,"body":"I'm gonna tell all my"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":174.384,"endTime":176.60399999999998,"body":"clients about that and do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":177.819,"endTime":179.559,"body":"It is very good,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":177.819,"endTime":179.559,"body":"although I hadn't thought"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":179.559,"endTime":181.41899999999998,"body":"about some of those before"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":179.559,"endTime":181.41899999999998,"body":"and now I've got the most"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":181.41899999999998,"endTime":182.589,"body":"my cushions I'm carrying."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":182.589,"endTime":184.629,"body":"No joking, joking aside."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":185.319,"endTime":186.789,"body":"I am aware of those things."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":186.79399999999998,"endTime":190.569,"body":"So the, the, what do people"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":186.79399999999998,"endTime":190.569,"body":"think of me, The extra, the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":190.869,"endTime":194.469,"body":"things of, I'm not walking"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":190.869,"endTime":194.469,"body":"correctly because of my"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":194.469,"endTime":196.689,"body":"foot, therefore that's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":194.469,"endTime":196.689,"body":"not good for my back."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":197.319,"endTime":200.22899999999998,"body":"My back's sore so I'm not"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":197.319,"endTime":200.22899999999998,"body":"walking, et cetera et cetera."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":200.22899999999998,"endTime":202.566,"body":"So yes, absolutely"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":200.22899999999998,"endTime":202.566,"body":"they do all pile up."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":202.566,"endTime":204.876,"body":"And then you sort of think,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":202.566,"endTime":204.876,"body":"Oh, I've got to fix that, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":205.446,"endTime":207.156,"body":"which bit do I work on first?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":207.156,"endTime":208.506,"body":"And yeah, it's complicated."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":208.83599999999998,"endTime":211.25799999999998,"body":"But anyway, all's fine."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":211.493,"endTime":211.793,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":212.408,"endTime":212.918,"body":"it's okay"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":213.263,"endTime":213.533,"body":"your foot."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":213.743,"endTime":215.69299999999998,"body":"Your foot's doing okay"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":213.743,"endTime":215.69299999999998,"body":"today cuz you're sitting"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":215.738,"endTime":218.302,"body":"as I'm sitting down"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":215.738,"endTime":218.302,"body":"and I don't have to go for"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":218.332,"endTime":221.66899999999998,"body":"a long walk up the avenue"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":218.332,"endTime":221.66899999999998,"body":"of Champagne which is what I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":221.689,"endTime":224.519,"body":"Oh yes, I did see,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":221.689,"endTime":224.519,"body":"I did see on Instagram."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":224.519,"endTime":225.599,"body":"It wasn't on your Instagram."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":225.599,"endTime":226.769,"body":"I think it was on, It must"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":227.059,"endTime":229.589,"body":"I I was too tired"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":227.059,"endTime":229.589,"body":"to put it on my Instagram."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":230.249,"endTime":231.569,"body":"It was Louise's I think."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":231.569,"endTime":231.959,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":232.19899999999998,"endTime":232.529,"body":"Well, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":232.559,"endTime":232.774,"body":"amazing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":232.774,"endTime":233.60899999999998,"body":"been yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":233.909,"endTime":235.709,"body":"I had no"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":233.909,"endTime":235.709,"body":"idea that existed"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":235.789,"endTime":237.184,"body":"It looked gorgeous."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":237.291,"endTime":239.83599999999998,"body":"Several hundred"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":237.291,"endTime":239.83599999999998,"body":"million bottles of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":239.84099999999998,"endTime":241.786,"body":"champagne under that street."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":242.416,"endTime":245.476,"body":"And the buildings"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":242.416,"endTime":245.476,"body":"on it are beautiful."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":245.963,"endTime":248.423,"body":"It's well worth doing, even"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":245.963,"endTime":248.423,"body":"if you're foot and back hurt."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":248.783,"endTime":250.753,"body":"You can always sit down and"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":248.783,"endTime":250.753,"body":"have a glass of champagne."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":251.013,"endTime":251.813,"body":"Fantastic."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":252.203,"endTime":253.333,"body":"I mean, if that's your thing,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":253.773,"endTime":255.273,"body":"It's not particularly"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":253.773,"endTime":255.273,"body":"my thing, but I'll,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":255.333,"endTime":258.397,"body":"I'll put up with it if"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":255.333,"endTime":258.397,"body":"that's what's available."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":258.487,"endTime":260.887,"body":"I'm not going into a champagne"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":258.487,"endTime":260.887,"body":"house and saying Can I have"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":260.887,"endTime":262.187,"body":"a glass of red wine please."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":262.187,"endTime":263.777,"body":"Am I?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":264.277,"endTime":265.387,"body":"A pint of real ale."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":267.165,"endTime":269.105,"body":"That would not"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":267.165,"endTime":269.105,"body":"be the done thing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":270.44,"endTime":270.79,"body":"No,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":270.90500000000003,"endTime":273.895,"body":"No, I can put up with"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":270.90500000000003,"endTime":273.895,"body":"champagne when I have to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":275.52500000000003,"endTime":276.395,"body":"It's a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":275.52500000000003,"endTime":276.395,"body":"hard life, isn't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":277.055,"endTime":277.295,"body":"tough."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":277.325,"endTime":278.055,"body":"It's tough."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":278.955,"endTime":280.27500000000003,"body":"Well, I'm glad"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":278.955,"endTime":280.27500000000003,"body":"you had a nice week."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":280.695,"endTime":281.895,"body":"You didn't miss much here."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":282.015,"endTime":284.985,"body":"It rained and that's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":282.015,"endTime":284.985,"body":"about it really."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":285.045,"endTime":286.155,"body":"It's been a bit damp,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":286.563,"endTime":287.053,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":287.218,"endTime":288.358,"body":"But you know,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":287.218,"endTime":288.358,"body":"it is what it is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":288.538,"endTime":289.218,"body":"It's October."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":289.218,"endTime":290.908,"body":"The Government's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":289.218,"endTime":290.908,"body":"been carrying on doing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":290.908,"endTime":292.178,"body":"what the government's do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":293.198,"endTime":293.318,"body":"So no."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":293.318,"endTime":295.048,"body":"Not missing anything"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":293.318,"endTime":295.048,"body":"by being away."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":295.269,"endTime":296.739,"body":"When things are a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":295.269,"endTime":296.739,"body":"bit negative, it's hard to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":296.739,"endTime":297.939,"body":"see the good perspectives."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":297.99899999999997,"endTime":298.209,"body":"You know."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":298.209,"endTime":301.239,"body":"When it's raining, it's hard"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":298.209,"endTime":301.239,"body":"to see that it's a good thing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":301.899,"endTime":303.189,"body":"But some people love the rain."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":303.389,"endTime":306.029,"body":"I've met plenty of people over"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":303.389,"endTime":306.029,"body":"the years who they've talked"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":306.029,"endTime":309.05899999999997,"body":"about their fitness or they're"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":306.029,"endTime":309.05899999999997,"body":"like going for a walk and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":309.05899999999997,"endTime":311.699,"body":"I've said, So, you know, how"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":309.05899999999997,"endTime":311.699,"body":"does the Winter affect you if"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":311.699,"endTime":312.719,"body":"you can't do that one thing?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":312.719,"endTime":313.679,"body":"And they're like, That's fine."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":313.679,"endTime":314.129,"body":"I love it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":314.459,"endTime":316.049,"body":"That's hardly anybody else"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":314.459,"endTime":316.049,"body":"about, I'll just put an"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":316.049,"endTime":317.219,"body":"umbrella up and go for a walk."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":317.219,"endTime":317.99899999999997,"body":"I love it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":318.659,"endTime":319.139,"body":"well done."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":319.139,"endTime":319.49899999999997,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":319.659,"endTime":322.829,"body":"it's extreme, To me,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":319.659,"endTime":322.829,"body":"if you get wet when you're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":322.829,"endTime":325.61899999999997,"body":"out in the rain, it's nice cuz"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":322.829,"endTime":325.61899999999997,"body":"you come home and you get dry"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":325.763,"endTime":326.113,"body":"Hm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":326.383,"endTime":328.403,"body":"As long as you can"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":326.383,"endTime":328.403,"body":"heat your house, so that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":328.403,"endTime":331.347,"body":"you're not freezing and wet,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":328.403,"endTime":331.347,"body":"but if you're out and you're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":331.367,"endTime":335.567,"body":"feeling tired or you've gone"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":331.367,"endTime":335.567,"body":"for a run and it's really"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":335.567,"endTime":338.717,"body":"unpleasant, you've got the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":335.567,"endTime":338.717,"body":"good thing to look forward"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":338.717,"endTime":341.567,"body":"to and then you can feel"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":338.717,"endTime":341.567,"body":"pleased of what you've done."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":342.556,"endTime":345.277,"body":"Yeah, sometimes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":342.556,"endTime":345.277,"body":"we have to recognize"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":345.277,"endTime":347.73699999999997,"body":"there are different ways"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":345.277,"endTime":347.73699999999997,"body":"of looking at things."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":347.914,"endTime":350.554,"body":"But when somebody tells"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":347.914,"endTime":350.554,"body":"us their stories in"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":350.554,"endTime":353.23,"body":"therapy, We've only"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":350.554,"endTime":353.23,"body":"got their side of it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":353.29,"endTime":354.84999999999997,"body":"We've only got their story."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":355.18,"endTime":358.0,"body":"And I'm, I'm not a couples"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":355.18,"endTime":358.0,"body":"counselor, so I, I don't see"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":358.0,"endTime":361.335,"body":"couples, I see individuals"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":358.0,"endTime":361.335,"body":"and people over the years,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":361.335,"endTime":363.197,"body":"have come to therapy and,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":361.335,"endTime":363.197,"body":"they'll talk about their"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":363.197,"endTime":365.177,"body":"relationship and they'll"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":363.197,"endTime":365.177,"body":"talk about their problems."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":365.807,"endTime":368.057,"body":"And deep down, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":365.807,"endTime":368.057,"body":"I'm on their side, of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":368.057,"endTime":369.167,"body":"course they're my client."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":369.497,"endTime":372.527,"body":"But deep down I know, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":369.497,"endTime":372.527,"body":"sometimes we'll talk about it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":373.817,"endTime":375.947,"body":"That if their partner was"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":373.817,"endTime":375.947,"body":"in the room, they'd have a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":375.947,"endTime":378.437,"body":"different story cuz they'd"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":375.947,"endTime":378.437,"body":"have a different perspective."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":378.914,"endTime":381.614,"body":"Because it's more"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":378.914,"endTime":381.614,"body":"than just one story."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":382.063,"endTime":383.383,"body":"This has been on my mind"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":382.063,"endTime":383.383,"body":"cause we've had some"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":383.388,"endTime":385.57,"body":"questions kind of related"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":383.388,"endTime":385.57,"body":"to this, haven't we?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":385.59999999999997,"endTime":387.90999999999997,"body":"Oh, we have, Would"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":385.59999999999997,"endTime":387.90999999999997,"body":"you like me to read one and"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":387.90999999999997,"endTime":388.69,"body":"then you read the other."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":388.83,"endTime":389.89,"body":"Okay, let's do that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":389.89,"endTime":389.98,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":389.98,"endTime":394.12,"body":"So the first one is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":389.98,"endTime":394.12,"body":"from Julie from Surrey."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":394.63,"endTime":398.62,"body":"What do you do when your"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":394.63,"endTime":398.62,"body":"reality and memory is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":398.62,"endTime":402.19,"body":"different from someone"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":398.62,"endTime":402.19,"body":"else's who has probably"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":402.19,"endTime":404.86,"body":"gaslighted you for years"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":402.19,"endTime":404.86,"body":"as a way for them to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":404.865,"endTime":406.33,"body":"deal with your reality?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":407.308,"endTime":410.098,"body":"When they talk to others in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":407.308,"endTime":410.098,"body":"front of you, they tell their"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":410.098,"endTime":411.688,"body":"truth, which isn't yours."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":412.997,"endTime":415.178,"body":"My Mother has a completely"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":412.997,"endTime":415.178,"body":"different memory of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":415.178,"endTime":418.028,"body":"helping me with my children"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":415.178,"endTime":418.028,"body":"to the memory I have."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":418.83799999999997,"endTime":421.418,"body":"I'm starting to question"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":418.83799999999997,"endTime":421.418,"body":"if I have it wrong."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":422.108,"endTime":424.418,"body":"My mother has always"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":422.108,"endTime":424.418,"body":"put her life first, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":424.568,"endTime":427.448,"body":"now she is older, has"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":424.568,"endTime":427.448,"body":"rewritten everything to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":427.448,"endTime":430.14799999999997,"body":"the point I am starting to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":427.448,"endTime":430.14799999999997,"body":"wonder if I have it wrong."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":430.988,"endTime":433.298,"body":"All my friends think"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":430.988,"endTime":433.298,"body":"she was a wonderful"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":433.298,"endTime":436.264,"body":"grandmother and mother,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":433.298,"endTime":436.264,"body":"and I know differently."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":436.564,"endTime":438.154,"body":"How do I cope with this?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":439.079,"endTime":442.61899999999997,"body":"Yeah, that's a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":439.079,"endTime":442.61899999999997,"body":"common story, isn't it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":443.24899999999997,"endTime":444.959,"body":"I hear that a lot"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":445.626,"endTime":447.186,"body":"I hope this sounds"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":445.626,"endTime":447.186,"body":"okay to you, Julie."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":447.186,"endTime":451.126,"body":"There's a lovely mixture"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":447.186,"endTime":451.126,"body":"in what you are stating"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":451.126,"endTime":452.666,"body":"there of fact and opinion."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":453.509,"endTime":456.669,"body":"so you said who has"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":453.509,"endTime":456.669,"body":"probably gaslighted you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":456.674,"endTime":459.549,"body":"for years as a way for"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":456.674,"endTime":459.549,"body":"them to deal with reality."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":460.306,"endTime":460.781,"body":"and then."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":461.164,"endTime":463.621,"body":"My mother has always"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":461.164,"endTime":463.621,"body":"put her life first, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":463.621,"endTime":465.211,"body":"now she's older, she's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":463.621,"endTime":465.211,"body":"written everything."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":465.421,"endTime":469.561,"body":"So there's a mixture of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":465.421,"endTime":469.561,"body":"opinion and writing as if"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":469.561,"endTime":473.431,"body":"fact, and if, if you were"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":469.561,"endTime":473.431,"body":"my client Julie, I'd want"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":473.436,"endTime":475.921,"body":"to be pulling all those"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":473.436,"endTime":475.921,"body":"things apart and look at"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":476.671,"endTime":480.931,"body":"what's opinion, what's fact,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":476.671,"endTime":480.931,"body":"where are we on all these"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":480.961,"endTime":484.371,"body":"continua that we've got"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":480.961,"endTime":484.371,"body":"within this, this whole thing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":484.371,"endTime":484.51099999999997,"body":"Mm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":484.937,"endTime":488.186,"body":"But generally speaking,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":484.937,"endTime":488.186,"body":"Trust your own memory,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":488.876,"endTime":489.986,"body":"but then think about it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":490.519,"endTime":491.269,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":491.269,"endTime":493.379,"body":"Cause we do distort"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":491.269,"endTime":493.379,"body":"our memories over time"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":493.899,"endTime":496.11899999999997,"body":"and everybody does."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":496.149,"endTime":502.11899999999997,"body":"Not just, not just your mother"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":496.149,"endTime":502.11899999999997,"body":"Julie, but also you We do"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":502.239,"endTime":505.409,"body":"on a daily basis, and  every"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":502.239,"endTime":505.409,"body":"time we think about something"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":505.409,"endTime":507.11899999999997,"body":"it changes ever so slightly."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":507.329,"endTime":511.55899999999997,"body":"Every time we talk about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":507.329,"endTime":511.55899999999997,"body":"an experience we've had it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":511.55899999999997,"endTime":514.649,"body":"changes ever so slightly,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":511.55899999999997,"endTime":514.649,"body":"and that's why therapy helps."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":514.979,"endTime":516.6890000000001,"body":"Cuz what we do is we get"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":514.979,"endTime":516.6890000000001,"body":"people to talk about the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":516.6890000000001,"endTime":519.2090000000001,"body":"things that have happened in"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":516.6890000000001,"endTime":519.2090000000001,"body":"the past that upset them and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":519.2090000000001,"endTime":523.0790000000001,"body":"it begins to change it ever"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":519.2090000000001,"endTime":523.0790000000001,"body":"so slightly if we help them"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":523.0790000000001,"endTime":524.489,"body":"to change it ever so slightly."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":525.943,"endTime":527.683,"body":"changing it in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":525.943,"endTime":527.683,"body":"the right direction,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":528.398,"endTime":533.4730000000001,"body":"people who are in the in their"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":528.398,"endTime":533.4730000000001,"body":"own heads can gradually change"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":533.4730000000001,"endTime":536.773,"body":"it in the wrong direction,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":533.4730000000001,"endTime":536.773,"body":"making things worse."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":537.708,"endTime":538.6080000000001,"body":"Yeah, they can."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":539.238,"endTime":542.5070000000001,"body":"And as a defense mechanism"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":539.238,"endTime":542.5070000000001,"body":"of, you know, plain old"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":542.5070000000001,"endTime":544.787,"body":"denial, probably  the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":542.5070000000001,"endTime":544.787,"body":"foundation of all the other"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":544.787,"endTime":549.49,"body":"defense mechanisms, Julie's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":544.787,"endTime":549.49,"body":"mum has to defend herself"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":550.067,"endTime":553.2170000000001,"body":"and her unconscious will"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":550.067,"endTime":553.2170000000001,"body":"do that and trick her into"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":553.2170000000001,"endTime":554.327,"body":"changing her memories."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":554.777,"endTime":555.9770000000001,"body":"Absolutely will."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":556.5110000000001,"endTime":557.831,"body":"It happens on the big things."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":557.831,"endTime":559.3610000000001,"body":"It happens on"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":557.831,"endTime":559.3610000000001,"body":"the small things."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":559.527,"endTime":560.457,"body":"And they're not lying."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":560.4870000000001,"endTime":561.2370000000001,"body":"That's the thing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":561.2370000000001,"endTime":562.407,"body":"They're not lying."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":562.8570000000001,"endTime":566.0970000000001,"body":"And it's hard to not see"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":562.8570000000001,"endTime":566.0970000000001,"body":"them as an enemy when"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":566.0970000000001,"endTime":568.494,"body":"they're clearly telling"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":566.0970000000001,"endTime":568.494,"body":"you a different truth"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":568.494,"endTime":571.1700000000001,"body":"to yours cuz their truth"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":568.494,"endTime":571.1700000000001,"body":"is a different truth."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":571.71,"endTime":573.6600000000001,"body":"There is no one"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":571.71,"endTime":573.6600000000001,"body":"truth is there."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":573.72,"endTime":575.58,"body":"It's frustrating."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":576.043,"endTime":577.153,"body":"I often think about this."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":577.6930000000001,"endTime":578.803,"body":"'Cos I laugh with my sister."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":579.767,"endTime":583.4870000000001,"body":"Every Christmas my sister used"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":579.767,"endTime":583.4870000000001,"body":"to make a joke about that one"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":583.4870000000001,"endTime":587.687,"body":"Christmas where my parents"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":583.4870000000001,"endTime":587.687,"body":"went away on a winter cruise"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":587.807,"endTime":591.7470000000001,"body":"for Christmas Day, I was 20,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":587.807,"endTime":591.7470000000001,"body":"I think, something like that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":591.7470000000001,"endTime":592.6170000000001,"body":"I was living on my own."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":592.6170000000001,"endTime":595.1790000000001,"body":"So yeah, I went and stopped"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":592.6170000000001,"endTime":595.1790000000001,"body":"with my sister I went there"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":595.1790000000001,"endTime":598.359,"body":"for Christmas Eve and left"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":595.1790000000001,"endTime":598.359,"body":"on Boxing Day Morning."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":598.599,"endTime":602.654,"body":"So I was there for a little"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":598.599,"endTime":602.654,"body":"while but every year, when"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":602.654,"endTime":604.724,"body":"my sister has joked about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":602.654,"endTime":604.724,"body":"the fact that I was a 20 year"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":604.724,"endTime":607.3040000000001,"body":"old lad who ate a lot, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":604.724,"endTime":607.3040000000001,"body":"I did eat lot in those days,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":607.3040000000001,"endTime":608.894,"body":"like 20 year old lads did."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":609.404,"endTime":611.744,"body":"Oh, I ate her out"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":609.404,"endTime":611.744,"body":"of house and home."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":612.2840000000001,"endTime":613.364,"body":"Was the little joke."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":613.4240000000001,"endTime":614.264,"body":"Cause I ate a lot."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":614.5640000000001,"endTime":616.3040000000001,"body":"Never seem to stop eating."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":616.3040000000001,"endTime":617.4440000000001,"body":"I was never full."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":617.654,"endTime":618.134,"body":"Oh well."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":618.6740000000001,"endTime":622.394,"body":"And that joke every year"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":618.6740000000001,"endTime":622.394,"body":"got told, but every year I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":622.394,"endTime":623.474,"body":"was there for an extra day."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":624.0870000000001,"endTime":626.8770000000001,"body":"And then 10 years later,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":624.0870000000001,"endTime":626.8770000000001,"body":"like, and my nephew said this?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":626.9970000000001,"endTime":628.841,"body":"Oh, was that that time"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":626.9970000000001,"endTime":628.841,"body":"that you stopped here for"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":628.841,"endTime":629.981,"body":"like a week or something?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":630.581,"endTime":633.221,"body":"No, That didn't happen."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":633.821,"endTime":635.201,"body":"And my sister's standing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":633.821,"endTime":635.201,"body":"there tapping her foot"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":635.206,"endTime":635.8910000000001,"body":"going, Yes it did."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":636.191,"endTime":636.731,"body":"Yes it did."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":636.7610000000001,"endTime":637.6310000000001,"body":"You were here all week."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":638.441,"endTime":640.0310000000001,"body":"That's not how my"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":638.441,"endTime":640.0310000000001,"body":"sister speaks at all."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":640.681,"endTime":643.706,"body":"But, she just couldn't get"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":640.681,"endTime":643.706,"body":"her head around the fact that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":643.706,"endTime":648.2660000000001,"body":"that wasn't true because she'd"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":643.706,"endTime":648.2660000000001,"body":"been telling me and others"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":648.2660000000001,"endTime":652.196,"body":"for fun having a laughs and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":648.2660000000001,"endTime":652.196,"body":"jokes until it became real."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":652.436,"endTime":655.466,"body":"Now, that's innocent"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":652.436,"endTime":655.466,"body":"and caused no problem."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":656.096,"endTime":657.8960000000001,"body":"But the reason it caused"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":656.096,"endTime":657.8960000000001,"body":"no problem is cuz me"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":657.8960000000001,"endTime":659.726,"body":"and my sister have got"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":657.8960000000001,"endTime":659.726,"body":"a good relationship."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":660.206,"endTime":664.157,"body":"If, we hadn't that could have"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":660.206,"endTime":664.157,"body":"become a difficult problem."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":665.1170000000001,"endTime":668.807,"body":"A version of reality that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":665.1170000000001,"endTime":668.807,"body":"caused a rupture within"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":668.807,"endTime":670.9670000000001,"body":"the relationship and meant"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":668.807,"endTime":670.9670000000001,"body":"that we didn't talk to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":670.9720000000001,"endTime":673.9970000000001,"body":"each other because she was"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":670.9720000000001,"endTime":673.9970000000001,"body":"always grumpy with me and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":674.5150000000001,"endTime":675.8050000000001,"body":"there was no reason for it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":676.331,"endTime":679.331,"body":"And those, those things"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":676.331,"endTime":679.331,"body":"happen, they absolutely do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":680.0120000000001,"endTime":681.782,"body":"And it's based on nothing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":682.2360000000001,"endTime":683.826,"body":"It really is based on nothing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":684.216,"endTime":685.086,"body":"Such a shame."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":685.4830000000001,"endTime":688.0930000000001,"body":"But the reasons why"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":685.4830000000001,"endTime":688.0930000000001,"body":"people perceive things in the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":688.0930000000001,"endTime":691.753,"body":"way that they perceive them"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":688.0930000000001,"endTime":691.753,"body":"which is usually going to be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":691.753,"endTime":695.976,"body":"around being defensive, being"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":691.753,"endTime":695.976,"body":"safe, keeping yourself safe."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":696.816,"endTime":698.5790000000001,"body":"So it's there all the time."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":698.999,"endTime":702.359,"body":"But as to Julie's comment"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":698.999,"endTime":702.359,"body":"of what does she do?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":702.359,"endTime":704.369,"body":"I mean, I think the first"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":702.359,"endTime":704.369,"body":"thing is step out of it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":704.494,"endTime":705.0340000000001,"body":"Oh yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":705.5210000000001,"endTime":706.451,"body":"Step away."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":707.051,"endTime":708.7610000000001,"body":"Not physically,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":707.051,"endTime":708.7610000000001,"body":"although physically,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":708.7610000000001,"endTime":709.1510000000001,"body":"You could do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":710.0210000000001,"endTime":713.5010000000001,"body":"could do, yes,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":710.0210000000001,"endTime":713.5010000000001,"body":"but step above it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":713.561,"endTime":718.0310000000001,"body":"Take a position as if you were"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":713.561,"endTime":718.0310000000001,"body":"in a helicopter looking down"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":718.0360000000001,"endTime":720.971,"body":"on it and see yourself in it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":720.971,"endTime":722.231,"body":"See your mother in it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":722.231,"endTime":724.931,"body":"See the children cuz they"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":722.231,"endTime":724.931,"body":"are a factor in this."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":725.5310000000001,"endTime":728.792,"body":"And I think there's a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":725.5310000000001,"endTime":728.792,"body":"reasonable chance you might"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":728.792,"endTime":731.118,"body":"be able to just go Ah, okay."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":731.4380000000001,"endTime":731.768,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":732.9920000000001,"endTime":734.2570000000001,"body":"That's what's going on."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":734.677,"endTime":736.657,"body":"I don't know what you're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":734.677,"endTime":736.657,"body":"gonna see from that helicopter"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":736.657,"endTime":739.147,"body":"position, cuz I'm not you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":736.657,"endTime":739.147,"body":"and I'm not in it, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":739.687,"endTime":742.657,"body":"you are very likely to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":739.687,"endTime":742.657,"body":"be able to see something."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":743.7370000000001,"endTime":746.426,"body":"I mean, gas lighting in itself"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":743.7370000000001,"endTime":746.426,"body":"is an interesting thing."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":746.4860000000001,"endTime":748.466,"body":"What did we do in the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":746.4860000000001,"endTime":748.466,"body":"world before we had"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":748.466,"endTime":749.546,"body":"the term gas lighting?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":749.546,"endTime":751.5260000000001,"body":"Cuz it's relatively"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":749.546,"endTime":751.5260000000001,"body":"recent, isn't it?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":752.144,"endTime":754.094,"body":"Cause presumably"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":752.144,"endTime":754.094,"body":"people still did it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":754.1740000000001,"endTime":755.1640000000001,"body":"Oh, I'm"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":754.1740000000001,"endTime":755.1640000000001,"body":"sure they did."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":755.254,"endTime":757.984,"body":"fact, the reason the reason"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":755.254,"endTime":757.984,"body":"the play was written was"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":757.984,"endTime":759.254,"body":"because people were doing it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":760.0740000000001,"endTime":762.0150000000001,"body":"people were"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":760.0740000000001,"endTime":762.0150000000001,"body":"manipulating others."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":762.0450000000001,"endTime":763.7700000000001,"body":"But it's a long"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":762.0450000000001,"endTime":763.7700000000001,"body":"time since the play"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":763.7700000000001,"endTime":765.09,"body":"till the word has become"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":765.44,"endTime":765.7700000000001,"body":"Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":765.95,"endTime":768.59,"body":"the, the play was"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":765.95,"endTime":768.59,"body":"early 20th Century."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":770.61,"endTime":771.0300000000001,"body":"Thirties?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":771.594,"endTime":774.2940000000001,"body":"When the houses were"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":771.594,"endTime":774.2940000000001,"body":"still lit by gas, so it you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":774.2990000000001,"endTime":775.7040000000001,"body":"know, predates electricity."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":776.3340000000001,"endTime":778.2840000000001,"body":"So, yeah, it goes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":776.3340000000001,"endTime":778.2840000000001,"body":"back a long way."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":778.344,"endTime":781.494,"body":"And there was a film made"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":778.344,"endTime":781.494,"body":"of it in the thirties, I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":781.494,"endTime":784.5600000000001,"body":"think, And it's been redone"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":781.494,"endTime":784.5600000000001,"body":"a couple of times, But"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":784.5600000000001,"endTime":786.75,"body":"yeah, people do manipulate."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":786.7800000000001,"endTime":787.62,"body":"People do lie."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":787.62,"endTime":789.5590000000001,"body":"Now, the original term"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":787.62,"endTime":789.5590000000001,"body":"for gas lighting was that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":789.5590000000001,"endTime":790.969,"body":"deliberate manipulation."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":791.2170000000001,"endTime":793.1070000000001,"body":"But I think the term nowadays,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":791.2170000000001,"endTime":793.1070000000001,"body":"the modern version of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":793.1070000000001,"endTime":796.197,"body":"Gaslight isn't just about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":793.1070000000001,"endTime":796.197,"body":"the deliberate manipulation,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":796.197,"endTime":797.3670000000001,"body":"the deliberate lies."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":797.427,"endTime":799.317,"body":"It's also about those"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":797.427,"endTime":799.317,"body":"accidental ones,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":799.317,"endTime":800.157,"body":"where they believe it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":800.697,"endTime":802.5870000000001,"body":"They genuinely"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":800.697,"endTime":802.5870000000001,"body":"believe their lies."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":803.6070000000001,"endTime":807.057,"body":"And that's not how gaslighting"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":803.6070000000001,"endTime":807.057,"body":"was originally, but it is now."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":807.207,"endTime":809.6070000000001,"body":"There is still an"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":807.207,"endTime":809.6070000000001,"body":"element of making the other"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":809.6070000000001,"endTime":813.4770000000001,"body":"person feel that they are"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":809.6070000000001,"endTime":813.4770000000001,"body":"maybe not mentally ill,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":813.4770000000001,"endTime":814.767,"body":"but wrong, isn't there?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":815.0970000000001,"endTime":817.947,"body":"There's that sort of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":815.0970000000001,"endTime":817.947,"body":"manipulation of, Oh, I've"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":818.037,"endTime":819.207,"body":"done something wrong."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":819.287,"endTime":822.902,"body":"Oh, I am wrong That's still"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":819.287,"endTime":822.902,"body":"there in the meaning isn't it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":823.4350000000001,"endTime":824.522,"body":"It's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":823.4350000000001,"endTime":824.522,"body":"not me, it's you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":824.7650000000001,"endTime":827.0690000000001,"body":"And that's what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":824.7650000000001,"endTime":827.0690000000001,"body":"her mum is doing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":827.335,"endTime":828.8050000000001,"body":"Does that mean"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":827.335,"endTime":828.8050000000001,"body":"she's malicious?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":828.955,"endTime":830.1550000000001,"body":"Does that mean she's cruel?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":830.6170000000001,"endTime":830.8870000000001,"body":"Potentially."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":830.937,"endTime":832.186,"body":"But maybe not."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":832.6030000000001,"endTime":835.599,"body":"I will just say that's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":832.6030000000001,"endTime":835.599,"body":"what Julie thinks she's doing,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":835.979,"endTime":836.9390000000001,"body":"That's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":835.979,"endTime":836.9390000000001,"body":"one perspective."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":837.149,"endTime":838.403,"body":"That's one frame of reference."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":838.667,"endTime":841.48,"body":"So, as you were saying"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":838.667,"endTime":841.48,"body":"earlier with clients we"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":841.48,"endTime":842.59,"body":"only have what they tell us."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":842.59,"endTime":844.3000000000001,"body":"Here, we've only got"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":842.59,"endTime":844.3000000000001,"body":"that snippet, so we"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":844.3000000000001,"endTime":845.643,"body":"don't absolutely know."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":845.993,"endTime":848.123,"body":"But for her to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":845.993,"endTime":848.123,"body":"say, How do I cope this?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":849.0830000000001,"endTime":852.5930000000001,"body":"Well, the answer is I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":849.0830000000001,"endTime":852.5930000000001,"body":"think depending on how"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":852.5980000000001,"endTime":856.303,"body":"confrontational you need to be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":852.5980000000001,"endTime":856.303,"body":"for it to be any use at all."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":856.663,"endTime":857.5630000000001,"body":"Sometimes it isn't."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":857.6830000000001,"endTime":858.643,"body":"Sometimes it is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":859.0930000000001,"endTime":861.643,"body":"Julie, you know your situation"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":859.0930000000001,"endTime":861.643,"body":"more than anybody else."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":861.643,"endTime":864.5830000000001,"body":"But, it comes down to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":861.643,"endTime":864.5830000000001,"body":"acceptance again, doesn't it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":864.643,"endTime":866.293,"body":"This it is what it is."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":866.7610000000001,"endTime":869.7320000000001,"body":"Who is it actually"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":866.7610000000001,"endTime":869.7320000000001,"body":"affecting to leave it as"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":869.7320000000001,"endTime":871.442,"body":"it is to just let it be?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":871.8420000000001,"endTime":875.856,"body":"It might be that it's really"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":871.8420000000001,"endTime":875.856,"body":"only affecting you, Julie."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":876.374,"endTime":878.354,"body":"in which case you might"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":876.374,"endTime":878.354,"body":"be able to just sort of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":878.384,"endTime":880.883,"body":"step away and leave it be."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":881.0630000000001,"endTime":882.8330000000001,"body":"If it's affecting your"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":881.0630000000001,"endTime":882.8330000000001,"body":"children, that might"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":882.8330000000001,"endTime":884.753,"body":"be a different matter."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":885.408,"endTime":889.5730000000001,"body":"What I hear in this"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":885.408,"endTime":889.5730000000001,"body":"short email is that Julie's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":889.5730000000001,"endTime":890.923,"body":"reality isn't being validated."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":892.738,"endTime":894.748,"body":"She isn't being validated."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":894.748,"endTime":895.768,"body":"She had a hard time."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":895.9780000000001,"endTime":899.3380000000001,"body":"She struggled at some point"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":895.9780000000001,"endTime":899.3380000000001,"body":"and she needed her mum to be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":899.3380000000001,"endTime":901.498,"body":"there for her and she wasn't."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":902.0680000000001,"endTime":904.258,"body":"But is now pretending"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":902.0680000000001,"endTime":904.258,"body":"that she was for."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":904.258,"endTime":906.928,"body":"Whatever reason,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":904.258,"endTime":906.928,"body":"and that hurts."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":906.928,"endTime":910.754,"body":"That creates a resentment"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":906.928,"endTime":910.754,"body":"an unfairness and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":910.754,"endTime":911.9540000000001,"body":"that's hard to accept."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":912.363,"endTime":913.0630000000001,"body":"It really is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":913.8860000000001,"endTime":915.7760000000001,"body":"And for it to say, How"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":913.8860000000001,"endTime":915.7760000000001,"body":"do I cope with this?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":919.524,"endTime":922.176,"body":"it could also be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":919.524,"endTime":922.176,"body":"that the mother is saying"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":922.176,"endTime":924.726,"body":"that Julie needed her when"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":922.176,"endTime":924.726,"body":"Julie actually didn't."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":925.113,"endTime":928.0880000000001,"body":"That's possible, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":925.113,"endTime":928.0880000000001,"body":"again, we  don't know."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":929.018,"endTime":933.1350000000001,"body":"But step away and think about"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":929.018,"endTime":933.1350000000001,"body":"the good things in it as well."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":933.225,"endTime":935.2950000000001,"body":"You know, what's, what's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":933.225,"endTime":935.2950000000001,"body":"your relationship like"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":935.355,"endTime":936.552,"body":"now with, your children?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":936.552,"endTime":938.532,"body":"I suspect from what you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":936.552,"endTime":938.532,"body":"said, that you've probably"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":938.532,"endTime":941.892,"body":"got a great relationship"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":938.532,"endTime":941.892,"body":"with your children and some"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":941.897,"endTime":945.0490000000001,"body":"of that will have come from"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":941.897,"endTime":945.0490000000001,"body":"how you've learned to be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":945.259,"endTime":947.764,"body":"stronger through the struggle."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":948.264,"endTime":950.3040000000001,"body":"Sometimes our parents"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":948.264,"endTime":950.3040000000001,"body":"teach us what not to do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":951.1410000000001,"endTime":951.931,"body":"I wish they hadn't."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":952.2940000000001,"endTime":954.634,"body":"I wish everybody had had"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":952.2940000000001,"endTime":954.634,"body":"good parents and it was"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":954.634,"endTime":956.1940000000001,"body":"nothing but the good stuff"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":954.634,"endTime":956.1940000000001,"body":"that was passed down."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":956.1940000000001,"endTime":957.5440000000001,"body":"But that's not"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":956.1940000000001,"endTime":957.5440000000001,"body":"always the case."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":957.5440000000001,"endTime":959.9190000000001,"body":"And If there is a generational"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":957.5440000000001,"endTime":959.9190000000001,"body":"trauma, if this goes back"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":959.9190000000001,"endTime":962.9860000000001,"body":"hundreds of years and could,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":959.9190000000001,"endTime":962.9860000000001,"body":"to be the one that's in the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":962.9860000000001,"endTime":966.2560000000001,"body":"generation now that's more"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":962.9860000000001,"endTime":966.2560000000001,"body":"aware of all of this to go,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":966.2560000000001,"endTime":968.2840000000001,"body":"Well, I'm not gonna pass"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":966.2560000000001,"endTime":968.2840000000001,"body":"this down to my children."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":968.344,"endTime":971.8240000000001,"body":"I'm gonna be a better"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":968.344,"endTime":971.8240000000001,"body":"parent than mine could be."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":972.1210000000001,"endTime":975.74,"body":"That's not easy when your"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":972.1210000000001,"endTime":975.74,"body":"only example of how the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":975.745,"endTime":977.12,"body":"parent was from a bad one."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":977.33,"endTime":977.96,"body":"Potentially,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":978.378,"endTime":982.2180000000001,"body":"But surely every"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":978.378,"endTime":982.2180000000001,"body":"parent does, well, I will"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":982.2180000000001,"endTime":983.418,"body":"take that surely away."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":983.5680000000001,"endTime":985.8480000000001,"body":"Every parent does"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":983.5680000000001,"endTime":985.8480000000001,"body":"some things wrong."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":986.2080000000001,"endTime":988.488,"body":"So every parent will"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":986.2080000000001,"endTime":988.488,"body":"teach their children"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":988.518,"endTime":990.668,"body":"at least something that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":988.518,"endTime":990.668,"body":"they could do better."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":991.3480000000001,"endTime":991.768,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":992.048,"endTime":994.248,"body":"Don't we always want"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":992.048,"endTime":994.248,"body":"more for our kids?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":994.248,"endTime":995.3280000000001,"body":"Want better for our kids?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":995.8340000000001,"endTime":998.551,"body":"But if everybody"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":995.8340000000001,"endTime":998.551,"body":"learned from the good examples"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":998.551,"endTime":1002.3760000000001,"body":"then by now, after however"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":998.551,"endTime":1002.3760000000001,"body":"many generations we've had as"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1002.3760000000001,"endTime":1004.3900000000001,"body":"human beings, we'd be perfect."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1005.11,"endTime":1007.0300000000001,"body":"But people don't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1005.11,"endTime":1007.0300000000001,"body":"do that, do they?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1007.0360000000001,"endTime":1007.196,"body":"No."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1007.8520000000001,"endTime":1009.9000000000001,"body":"cuz they've got, well,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1007.8520000000001,"endTime":1009.9000000000001,"body":"they've got their stories,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1009.9050000000001,"endTime":1012.6600000000001,"body":"they've got their traumas,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1009.9050000000001,"endTime":1012.6600000000001,"body":"and not all of their traumas"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1012.6600000000001,"endTime":1015.0,"body":"come from their bad parents."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1015.0,"endTime":1017.49,"body":"Sometimes it comes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1015.0,"endTime":1017.49,"body":"from being a refugee,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1017.7900000000001,"endTime":1020.9100000000001,"body":"from poverty, from war."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1021.63,"endTime":1023.25,"body":"There's a lot of stuff"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1021.63,"endTime":1023.25,"body":"that has gone on over the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1023.25,"endTime":1026.086,"body":"last few hundred years,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1023.25,"endTime":1026.086,"body":"even in the last hundred."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1026.403,"endTime":1027.941,"body":"And that's not that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1026.403,"endTime":1027.941,"body":"many generations,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1028.478,"endTime":1032.942,"body":"And individual traumas,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1028.478,"endTime":1032.942,"body":"individual, bad decisions."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1033.688,"endTime":1034.618,"body":"All sorts of things."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1034.738,"endTime":1036.688,"body":"So it doesn't have to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1034.738,"endTime":1036.688,"body":"be big stuff that leads"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1036.688,"endTime":1038.338,"body":"to making mistakes."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1038.338,"endTime":1042.088,"body":"But yeah, as you say, you can"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1038.338,"endTime":1042.088,"body":"learn from the mistakes of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1042.418,"endTime":1045.808,"body":"other people and that can be a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1042.418,"endTime":1045.808,"body":"good thing, as I'm pretty sure"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1045.808,"endTime":1046.948,"body":"we've said before on this."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1047.162,"endTime":1049.202,"body":"Being a perfect parent"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1047.162,"endTime":1049.202,"body":"wouldn't be a good thing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1049.612,"endTime":1052.175,"body":"because your children aren't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1049.612,"endTime":1052.175,"body":"going to grow up knowing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1052.175,"endTime":1053.225,"body":"how to deal with the world."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1053.225,"endTime":1055.165,"body":"So it's okay"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1055.165,"endTime":1056.2649999999999,"body":"We had another"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1055.165,"endTime":1056.2649999999999,"body":"question, didn't we?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1057.0839999999998,"endTime":1057.6989999999998,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1058.013,"endTime":1060.0049999999999,"body":"This was  Terry"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1058.013,"endTime":1060.0049999999999,"body":"from Sheffield."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1060.0349999999999,"endTime":1063.605,"body":"He says, I've been told"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1060.0349999999999,"endTime":1063.605,"body":"I often play the victim"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1063.665,"endTime":1065.855,"body":"and see the world in"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1063.665,"endTime":1065.855,"body":"quite negative ways."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1066.245,"endTime":1067.5649999999998,"body":"If a small thing goes wrong."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1067.5649999999998,"endTime":1069.665,"body":"It's as if everything"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1067.5649999999998,"endTime":1069.665,"body":"has fallen apart and I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1069.6699999999998,"endTime":1070.955,"body":"might as well give up."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1071.405,"endTime":1073.475,"body":"I've ended relationships"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1071.405,"endTime":1073.475,"body":"and left jobs when"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1073.475,"endTime":1074.705,"body":"probably I didn't need to."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1075.095,"endTime":1077.615,"body":"It's hard to see things from"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1075.095,"endTime":1077.615,"body":"other perspectives though."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1078.731,"endTime":1080.931,"body":"I think it might be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1078.731,"endTime":1080.931,"body":"time if we named the theory"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1080.931,"endTime":1081.984,"body":"we're talking about today."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1082.546,"endTime":1086.556,"body":"It's a simple, psychological,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1082.546,"endTime":1086.556,"body":"counseling therapy"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1086.556,"endTime":1087.9959999999999,"body":"tool called reframing."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1089.2859999999998,"endTime":1091.6009999999999,"body":"which is simply"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1089.2859999999998,"endTime":1091.6009999999999,"body":"putting something in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1091.6009999999999,"endTime":1092.3509999999999,"body":"a different frame."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1092.3509999999999,"endTime":1094.8709999999999,"body":"So if you think you've got a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1092.3509999999999,"endTime":1094.8709999999999,"body":"picture on the wall and you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1094.8709999999999,"endTime":1097.913,"body":"don't like the frame it's in,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1094.8709999999999,"endTime":1097.913,"body":"maybe a pretty picture in a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1097.913,"endTime":1102.0529999999999,"body":"black gothic frame, and you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1097.913,"endTime":1102.0529999999999,"body":"take it out and you put it in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1102.0529999999999,"endTime":1106.493,"body":"a nice, simple, plain silver"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1102.0529999999999,"endTime":1106.493,"body":"one or white one or something."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1106.943,"endTime":1108.713,"body":"You've reframed that picture."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1109.433,"endTime":1111.233,"body":"So that's what we're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1109.433,"endTime":1111.233,"body":"talking about here."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1111.233,"endTime":1114.5629999999999,"body":"We're talking about putting"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1111.233,"endTime":1114.5629999999999,"body":"a different frame around"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1114.5629999999999,"endTime":1117.983,"body":"an experience and so that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1114.5629999999999,"endTime":1117.983,"body":"you see it differently."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1118.883,"endTime":1122.0249999999999,"body":"And  as I was saying earlier,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1118.883,"endTime":1122.0249999999999,"body":"you can look at a different"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1122.03,"endTime":1126.5259999999998,"body":"perspective on almost anything"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1122.03,"endTime":1126.5259999999998,"body":"and get that different view."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1127.426,"endTime":1132.9759999999999,"body":"So what Terry is saying is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1127.426,"endTime":1132.9759999999999,"body":"that he's actually identifying"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1133.4109999999998,"endTime":1134.741,"body":"I don't know how to do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1134.741,"endTime":1134.831,"body":"this."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1135.8909999999998,"endTime":1140.206,"body":"Because he's recognizing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1135.8909999999998,"endTime":1140.206,"body":"that what he's doing helpful."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1140.378,"endTime":1144.4879999999998,"body":"He's got that idea that what"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1140.378,"endTime":1144.4879999999998,"body":"he's looking at is in the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1144.9379999999999,"endTime":1146.2179999999998,"body":"bad frame, the ugly frame."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1146.821,"endTime":1148.0549999999998,"body":"Victim frame."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1148.252,"endTime":1149.0449999999998,"body":"The victim frame."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1149.05,"endTime":1150.0649999999998,"body":"He doesn't know"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1149.05,"endTime":1150.0649999999998,"body":"how to change it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1151.3999999999999,"endTime":1153.9099999999999,"body":"And it comes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1151.3999999999999,"endTime":1153.9099999999999,"body":"from, firstly, being aware"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1153.9099999999999,"endTime":1157.8999999999999,"body":"that we do this and then"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1153.9099999999999,"endTime":1157.8999999999999,"body":"challenging the thought"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1158.56,"endTime":1161.74,"body":"that if there's something"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1158.56,"endTime":1161.74,"body":"you've experienced such as."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1162.249,"endTime":1164.259,"body":"I mean, he was talking about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1162.249,"endTime":1164.259,"body":"relationships and jobs and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1164.259,"endTime":1166.569,"body":"things like that when things"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1164.259,"endTime":1166.569,"body":"go wrong, walking away."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1166.569,"endTime":1168.596,"body":"When he, now looks at it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1166.569,"endTime":1168.596,"body":"back and goes  I didn't"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1168.596,"endTime":1169.9759999999999,"body":"really need to walk away."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1169.981,"endTime":1172.7359999999999,"body":"But in that moment, there"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1169.981,"endTime":1172.7359999999999,"body":"was no other choice cuz"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1172.7359999999999,"endTime":1173.966,"body":"the meaning to him was."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1174.596,"endTime":1175.796,"body":"This is going nowhere."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1175.9759999999999,"endTime":1177.926,"body":"I'm never gonna achieve"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1175.9759999999999,"endTime":1177.926,"body":"anything doing what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1177.926,"endTime":1178.886,"body":"I'm doing like this."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1179.186,"endTime":1180.2359999999999,"body":"I've gotta walk away."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1181.076,"endTime":1184.839,"body":"All because there was a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1181.076,"endTime":1184.839,"body":"slight argument or because,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1184.899,"endTime":1187.509,"body":"you know, a boss reprimanded"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1184.899,"endTime":1187.509,"body":"or whatever it was."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1187.509,"endTime":1191.019,"body":"And I, I often remember"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1187.509,"endTime":1191.019,"body":"back in the day."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1191.163,"endTime":1192.3629999999998,"body":"Remember the TV show Friends?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1192.368,"endTime":1194.283,"body":"Of course you remember the TV"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1192.368,"endTime":1194.283,"body":"show friends, It was popular"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1194.288,"endTime":1195.183,"body":"in the Nineties, wasn't it?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1196.393,"endTime":1197.543,"body":"Oh my."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1197.5929999999998,"endTime":1200.893,"body":"My kids, not exactly kids,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1197.5929999999998,"endTime":1200.893,"body":"but they still, if they're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1200.893,"endTime":1202.903,"body":"staying here, I'll come"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1200.893,"endTime":1202.903,"body":"down on Saturday Morning,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1202.908,"endTime":1204.763,"body":"Friends will be on guaranteed"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1205.0529999999999,"endTime":1208.273,"body":"All these years"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1205.0529999999999,"endTime":1208.273,"body":"later, they're raking it in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1208.483,"endTime":1209.743,"body":"Yeah, yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1209.743,"endTime":1210.253,"body":"They are."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1210.373,"endTime":1212.8029999999999,"body":"Well after, I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1210.373,"endTime":1212.8029999999999,"body":"dunno how far through"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1212.8029999999999,"endTime":1214.963,"body":"the series, and they did"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1212.8029999999999,"endTime":1214.963,"body":"10 series, didn't they?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1215.0629999999999,"endTime":1217.243,"body":"And it gets to sort of series"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1215.0629999999999,"endTime":1217.243,"body":"eight or something like that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1217.243,"endTime":1219.5829999999999,"body":"And Chandler has had"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1217.243,"endTime":1219.5829999999999,"body":"disastrous relationship"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1219.5829999999999,"endTime":1223.502,"body":"after disastrous relationship"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1219.5829999999999,"endTime":1223.502,"body":"and has an argument with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1223.502,"endTime":1224.962,"body":"Monica and says  Right."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1225.012,"endTime":1226.022,"body":"I better get my"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1225.012,"endTime":1226.022,"body":"stuff then, hadn't I?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1226.922,"endTime":1227.5819999999999,"body":"She's like, What?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1228.272,"endTime":1228.932,"body":"Well, that's it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1228.932,"endTime":1230.9569999999999,"body":"You know, You  don't"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1228.932,"endTime":1230.9569999999999,"body":"wanna be in a relationship"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1230.962,"endTime":1231.4969999999998,"body":"with me, do you?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1231.502,"endTime":1232.012,"body":"We've had an argument."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1232.547,"endTime":1234.9769999999999,"body":"She said, Well, that's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1232.547,"endTime":1234.9769999999999,"body":"what couples do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1235.45,"endTime":1237.28,"body":"And the the penny dropped"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1235.45,"endTime":1237.28,"body":"for the character that,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1237.3999999999999,"endTime":1241.36,"body":"Oh, oh, that's why all my"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1237.3999999999999,"endTime":1241.36,"body":"relationships have ended."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1241.36,"endTime":1245.05,"body":"It's cuz I walked away"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1241.36,"endTime":1245.05,"body":"and I didn't need to."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1245.47,"endTime":1247.3899999999999,"body":"And took him eight series"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1245.47,"endTime":1247.3899999999999,"body":"to figure that out."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1248.0729999999999,"endTime":1249.0829999999999,"body":"I know he's not alone."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1250.383,"endTime":1252.033,"body":"And that's, I think one"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1250.383,"endTime":1252.033,"body":"of the reason why the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1252.033,"endTime":1254.146,"body":"show was popular was"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1252.033,"endTime":1254.146,"body":"because people identified"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1254.146,"endTime":1255.046,"body":"with the characters."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1255.106,"endTime":1257.086,"body":"And I think a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1255.106,"endTime":1257.086,"body":"saw themselves in that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1257.086,"endTime":1260.806,"body":"character and went, Oh, it's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1257.086,"endTime":1260.806,"body":"okay to have an argument."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1261.556,"endTime":1263.5359999999998,"body":"It doesn't mean that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1261.556,"endTime":1263.5359999999998,"body":"they don't love me."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1263.566,"endTime":1265.936,"body":"It doesn't mean that my"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1263.566,"endTime":1265.936,"body":"world should fall apart"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1265.936,"endTime":1268.171,"body":"now, and I have to escape."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1268.831,"endTime":1271.117,"body":"But that's kind of what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1268.831,"endTime":1271.117,"body":"Terry was doing, by"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1271.117,"endTime":1272.107,"body":"the sound of things."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1272.107,"endTime":1276.877,"body":"And feeling like the victim"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1272.107,"endTime":1276.877,"body":"when he looks back, because"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1276.877,"endTime":1279.607,"body":"there was the slightest issue."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1280.2369999999999,"endTime":1280.937,"body":"Oh, well that's it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1280.937,"endTime":1281.797,"body":"That's the end of the world."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1281.802,"endTime":1282.187,"body":"You know."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1282.4569999999999,"endTime":1284.047,"body":"We might as well"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1282.4569999999999,"endTime":1284.047,"body":"just sell the house."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1284.407,"endTime":1284.827,"body":"Whoa."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1286.327,"endTime":1287.827,"body":"We don't need to sell"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1286.327,"endTime":1287.827,"body":"the house because"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1287.827,"endTime":1288.697,"body":"there's a leaky roof."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1288.7269999999999,"endTime":1289.7469999999998,"body":"We just fix the roof."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1289.777,"endTime":1290.377,"body":"No, no."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1290.377,"endTime":1291.7269999999999,"body":"This house is just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1290.377,"endTime":1291.7269999999999,"body":"gonna fall apart."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1291.7269999999999,"endTime":1292.627,"body":"It's just gonna fall apart."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1292.627,"endTime":1293.557,"body":"That's the next"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1292.627,"endTime":1293.557,"body":"thing that happened."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1293.557,"endTime":1296.407,"body":"Then I'll then we'll be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1293.557,"endTime":1296.407,"body":"homeless and, and then, And"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1296.412,"endTime":1297.187,"body":"then this, and then that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1297.187,"endTime":1298.4769999999999,"body":"And we catastrophize."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1299.4669999999999,"endTime":1301.657,"body":"And I know people do"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1299.4669999999999,"endTime":1301.657,"body":"those sorts of things."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1301.662,"endTime":1303.9969999999998,"body":"They do, Terry, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1301.662,"endTime":1303.9969999999998,"body":"you're not alone in that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1304.147,"endTime":1304.687,"body":"And it's great."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1304.687,"endTime":1306.397,"body":"The fact that you're writing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1304.687,"endTime":1306.397,"body":"in, here's the good thing,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1306.7569999999998,"endTime":1310.057,"body":"the fact that you're writing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1306.7569999999998,"endTime":1310.057,"body":"to us identifies the fact"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1310.057,"endTime":1311.047,"body":"that, you know it's wrong."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1312.542,"endTime":1313.982,"body":"You, you know,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1312.542,"endTime":1313.982,"body":"it's not helpful."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1314.522,"endTime":1315.692,"body":"It's, it's not helpful."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1315.722,"endTime":1318.252,"body":"I think it's likely, We"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1315.722,"endTime":1318.252,"body":"talked about racket feelings"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1318.272,"endTime":1321.242,"body":"before, it's likely that this"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1318.272,"endTime":1321.242,"body":"was helpful to you before."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1322.3519999999999,"endTime":1325.292,"body":"That maybe when you were a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1322.3519999999999,"endTime":1325.292,"body":"child, if you went into this"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1325.292,"endTime":1327.452,"body":"mode, got your needs met."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1328.172,"endTime":1329.222,"body":"But as an adult,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1330.182,"endTime":1333.992,"body":"being in this place does"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1330.182,"endTime":1333.992,"body":"not get your needs met."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1333.992,"endTime":1335.451,"body":"So, as I said, to Julie."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1336.051,"endTime":1340.8809999999999,"body":"Stepping out of it and taking"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1336.051,"endTime":1340.8809999999999,"body":"that helicopter view, seeing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1340.8809999999999,"endTime":1344.211,"body":"the bigger picture will"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1340.8809999999999,"endTime":1344.211,"body":"be really, really helpful."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1344.721,"endTime":1349.3809999999999,"body":"But just to recognize that you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1344.721,"endTime":1349.3809999999999,"body":"can, change anything around."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1349.6509999999998,"endTime":1352.921,"body":"So I've got a few examples"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1349.6509999999998,"endTime":1352.921,"body":"that I just wrote out earlier."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1353.281,"endTime":1353.581,"body":"Actually."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1353.581,"endTime":1356.625,"body":"I just used one from"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1353.581,"endTime":1356.625,"body":"my weekend in France."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1356.8629999999998,"endTime":1360.283,"body":"When I was going to meet"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1356.8629999999998,"endTime":1360.283,"body":"Greg and Louise at Dover."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1360.288,"endTime":1362.683,"body":"I got the train from"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1360.288,"endTime":1362.683,"body":"Cheltenham to London,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1363.223,"endTime":1364.453,"body":"London to Dover."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1364.723,"endTime":1366.493,"body":"And I missed the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1364.723,"endTime":1366.493,"body":"train in the middle."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1367.003,"endTime":1370.8129999999999,"body":"I had underestimated the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1367.003,"endTime":1370.8129999999999,"body":"distances at either end at"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1370.903,"endTime":1373.253,"body":"Paddington, at St Pancras."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1373.513,"endTime":1375.8229999999999,"body":"Both of the tubes were"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1373.513,"endTime":1375.8229999999999,"body":"at the other end of those"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1375.8229999999999,"endTime":1378.283,"body":"stations, so I didn't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1375.8229999999999,"endTime":1378.283,"body":"make it by the skin of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1378.283,"endTime":1379.213,"body":"my teeth, but I didn't."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1380.398,"endTime":1385.288,"body":"and I was so infuriated"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1380.398,"endTime":1385.288,"body":"and so exhausted from"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1385.288,"endTime":1386.158,"body":"trying to make it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1387.298,"endTime":1389.721,"body":"Later on, when I'd got there"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1387.298,"endTime":1389.721,"body":"and we were in the car going"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1389.721,"endTime":1393.3809999999999,"body":"to the ferry, they said very"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1389.721,"endTime":1393.3809999999999,"body":"nicely, they said that they"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1393.386,"endTime":1396.261,"body":"were happy that I had missed"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1393.386,"endTime":1396.261,"body":"the train because it gave"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1396.261,"endTime":1399.501,"body":"them an hour to walk on the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1396.261,"endTime":1399.501,"body":"White Cliffs of Dover and they"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1399.5059999999999,"endTime":1402.8909999999998,"body":"had lovely time and I was."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1402.8909999999998,"endTime":1404.6609999999998,"body":"That's really nice then."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1405.291,"endTime":1410.721,"body":"And so that's a, that's an"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1405.291,"endTime":1410.721,"body":"example of a, a reframe, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1410.841,"endTime":1412.9109999999998,"body":"some others I just wrote down."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1413.027,"endTime":1416.297,"body":"This was when I got from"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1413.027,"endTime":1416.297,"body":"a, a client who was saying,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1416.357,"endTime":1419.597,"body":"My mum is always pestering"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1416.357,"endTime":1419.597,"body":"me as to how I'm doing."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1419.9199999999998,"endTime":1423.31,"body":"Simple reframe on that is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1419.9199999999998,"endTime":1423.31,"body":"my  mum really cares that I'm"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1423.31,"endTime":1423.8799999999999,"body":"okay."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1424.018,"endTime":1424.498,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1424.8819999999998,"endTime":1426.562,"body":"So then there's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1424.8819999999998,"endTime":1426.562,"body":"another, it poured with"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1426.562,"endTime":1429.1119999999999,"body":"rain today, so I couldn't go"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1426.562,"endTime":1429.1119999999999,"body":"to the beach as I'd hoped."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1429.649,"endTime":1432.322,"body":"Change that around to the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1429.649,"endTime":1432.322,"body":"rain, meant my wife and"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1432.322,"endTime":1435.359,"body":"I visited a fascinating"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1432.322,"endTime":1435.359,"body":"museum and had a great talk"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1435.359,"endTime":1437.999,"body":"over a lovely lunch that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1435.359,"endTime":1437.999,"body":"made us connect even more."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1438.489,"endTime":1438.609,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1439.4279999999999,"endTime":1441.108,"body":"My teacher"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1439.4279999999999,"endTime":1441.108,"body":"told me I would never"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1441.108,"endTime":1442.038,"body":"amount to anything."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1443.268,"endTime":1447.078,"body":"Change that around to I can"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1443.268,"endTime":1447.078,"body":"accept the implicit challenge"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1447.078,"endTime":1448.4779999999998,"body":"and prove that teacher"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1449.358,"endTime":1449.4479999999999,"body":"wrong"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1449.898,"endTime":1449.9579999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1450.5359999999998,"endTime":1452.241,"body":"Then final"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1450.5359999999998,"endTime":1452.241,"body":"one this way around."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1452.241,"endTime":1453.321,"body":"Then I've got one"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1452.241,"endTime":1453.321,"body":"the other way around."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1453.561,"endTime":1455.511,"body":"My husband never"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1453.561,"endTime":1455.511,"body":"says he loves me."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1456.3809999999999,"endTime":1460.041,"body":"Well, perhaps that means that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1456.3809999999999,"endTime":1460.041,"body":"my husband is so secure in our"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1460.041,"endTime":1462.501,"body":"relationship that he doesn't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1460.041,"endTime":1462.501,"body":"feel a need to discuss it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1464.1209999999999,"endTime":1466.311,"body":"Doesn't necessarily mean"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1464.1209999999999,"endTime":1466.311,"body":"that, but it might mean that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1467.4009999999998,"endTime":1471.533,"body":"So can have a look, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1467.4009999999998,"endTime":1471.533,"body":"sometimes it's helpful to,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1471.6129999999998,"endTime":1473.993,"body":"to, to do these reframes a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1471.6129999999998,"endTime":1473.993,"body":"little bit the other way."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1473.993,"endTime":1477.653,"body":"So if somebody's thinking I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1473.993,"endTime":1477.653,"body":"must get top grades in every"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1477.653,"endTime":1479.273,"body":"exam or I am not good enough."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1480.1129999999998,"endTime":1481.463,"body":"You can reframe that to me."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1481.99,"endTime":1485.02,"body":"Well, I am essentially good"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1481.99,"endTime":1485.02,"body":"enough and I know that I will"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1485.0249999999999,"endTime":1487.875,"body":"do my best and so all will be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1488.85,"endTime":1491.415,"body":"So both ways"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1488.85,"endTime":1491.415,"body":"round on reframes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1491.895,"endTime":1494.5349999999999,"body":"Yeah, seeing things"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1491.895,"endTime":1494.5349999999999,"body":"from different perspectives."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1494.8049999999998,"endTime":1496.155,"body":"For some it's easy."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1496.725,"endTime":1499.155,"body":"For some it's natural because"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1496.725,"endTime":1499.155,"body":"they've been doing it all"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1499.155,"endTime":1502.485,"body":"their life because well why"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1499.155,"endTime":1502.485,"body":"wouldn't they spend a moment"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1502.485,"endTime":1504.9279999999999,"body":"to look and find different"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1502.485,"endTime":1504.9279999999999,"body":"ways of thinking and feeling"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1504.9279999999999,"endTime":1506.128,"body":"about their situations."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1507.075,"endTime":1511.8919999999998,"body":"But for some out of habit,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1507.075,"endTime":1511.8919999999998,"body":"of something they've"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1511.8919999999998,"endTime":1514.442,"body":"been doing since they"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1511.8919999999998,"endTime":1514.442,"body":"were young, they don't."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1515.417,"endTime":1517.157,"body":"It just goes straight"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1515.417,"endTime":1517.157,"body":"onto something negative."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1517.157,"endTime":1519.917,"body":"What's the worst that could"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1517.157,"endTime":1519.917,"body":"happen out of this situation?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1520.0069999999998,"endTime":1523.127,"body":"And it goes there and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1520.0069999999998,"endTime":1523.127,"body":"creates the feelings as"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1523.1319999999998,"endTime":1524.807,"body":"if the worst thing in"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1523.1319999999998,"endTime":1524.807,"body":"the world is happening."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1525.922,"endTime":1527.1219999999998,"body":"Actually it's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1525.922,"endTime":1527.1219999999998,"body":"probably nothing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1528.232,"endTime":1530.302,"body":"Or like in, in that example."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1530.692,"endTime":1533.3919999999998,"body":"Somebody pestering you,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1530.692,"endTime":1533.3919999999998,"body":"they're pestering you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1533.3919999999998,"endTime":1535.0249999999999,"body":"because they care for you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1535.272,"endTime":1536.3519999999999,"body":"They're interested in you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1537.042,"endTime":1539.412,"body":"Because they know that you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1537.042,"endTime":1539.412,"body":"have value and that you're"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1540.312,"endTime":1542.666,"body":"loveable but to say, Oh, I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1540.312,"endTime":1542.666,"body":"wish they'd leave me alone."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1543.626,"endTime":1544.886,"body":"It says something about you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1545.126,"endTime":1548.876,"body":"It says that, you know"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1545.126,"endTime":1548.876,"body":"that character likes their"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1548.876,"endTime":1550.706,"body":"own space, and I know"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1548.876,"endTime":1550.706,"body":"there's people listening"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1550.706,"endTime":1552.2359999999999,"body":"that go, Yeah, that's me."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1552.356,"endTime":1557.0359999999998,"body":"I'm, I feel pestered"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1552.356,"endTime":1557.0359999999998,"body":"by my mum, dad, next"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1557.0359999999998,"endTime":1558.086,"body":"door neighbor, whoever."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1559.119,"endTime":1560.859,"body":"Doing this doesn't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1559.119,"endTime":1560.859,"body":"necessarily take away"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1560.859,"endTime":1564.309,"body":"the first feeling, but it"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1560.859,"endTime":1564.309,"body":"puts it more into context."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1565.269,"endTime":1570.3319999999999,"body":"So it can make it easier to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1565.269,"endTime":1570.3319999999999,"body":"deal with and to move on from."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1570.8719999999998,"endTime":1573.422,"body":"And remember the Sedona"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1570.8719999999998,"endTime":1573.422,"body":"Method back in episode,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1573.6319999999998,"endTime":1575.792,"body":"I can't remember what,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1573.6319999999998,"endTime":1575.792,"body":"but Sedona Method."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1576.2749999999999,"endTime":1578.825,"body":"That can give you the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1576.2749999999999,"endTime":1578.825,"body":"opportunity to move on."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1579.095,"endTime":1580.895,"body":"And yes, I think you're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1579.095,"endTime":1580.895,"body":"quite right, Richard,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1580.8999999999999,"endTime":1584.09,"body":"that the people who are"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1580.8999999999999,"endTime":1584.09,"body":"listening, there are gonna"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1584.09,"endTime":1586.7,"body":"be some who sort of, what"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1584.09,"endTime":1586.7,"body":"are they talking about?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1586.7,"endTime":1589.31,"body":"Well, of course you do"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1586.7,"endTime":1589.31,"body":"that and there are others."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1589.76,"endTime":1590.5,"body":"What are they talking about?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1590.5,"endTime":1591.3799999999999,"body":"How on earth do you do that?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1592.445,"endTime":1593.195,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1593.894,"endTime":1596.954,"body":"And although we can say"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1593.894,"endTime":1596.954,"body":"to everybody, Hey, talk to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1596.954,"endTime":1598.004,"body":"your therapist about it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1598.394,"endTime":1600.854,"body":"Of course not everybody"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1598.394,"endTime":1600.854,"body":"can see a therapist."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1601.3909999999998,"endTime":1601.6509999999998,"body":"No."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1601.6509999999998,"endTime":1603.434,"body":"And with this one"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1601.6509999999998,"endTime":1603.434,"body":"though, you can talk"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1603.434,"endTime":1606.307,"body":"to friends, colleagues."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1606.8919999999998,"endTime":1610.5349999999999,"body":"You can say Can you just"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1606.8919999999998,"endTime":1610.5349999999999,"body":"help me to see a different"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1610.5349999999999,"endTime":1611.885,"body":"perspective on this please?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1612.485,"endTime":1613.585,"body":"Because there will be one."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1614.115,"endTime":1616.585,"body":"Or many likely"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1616.7,"endTime":1618.74,"body":"And I think that's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1616.7,"endTime":1618.74,"body":"a great way to go into it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1618.95,"endTime":1621.432,"body":"If you go into it with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1618.95,"endTime":1621.432,"body":"can you see if there's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1621.432,"endTime":1622.812,"body":"another perspective to this?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1622.8719999999998,"endTime":1624.3719999999998,"body":"Can you help me with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1622.8719999999998,"endTime":1624.3719999999998,"body":"another perspective?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1624.942,"endTime":1628.962,"body":"If you just go in there with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1624.942,"endTime":1628.962,"body":"the story out of habit and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1628.962,"endTime":1632.532,"body":"alliance and allegiance to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1628.962,"endTime":1632.532,"body":"you, friends will just be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1632.532,"endTime":1635.0819999999999,"body":"on your side all the time"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1632.532,"endTime":1635.0819999999999,"body":"because that's what we do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1635.1419999999998,"endTime":1638.3819999999998,"body":"Even if we disagree with each"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1635.1419999999998,"endTime":1638.3819999999998,"body":"other, we very rarely will go."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1639.522,"endTime":1641.1119999999999,"body":"Well, it doesn't sound"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1639.522,"endTime":1641.1119999999999,"body":"as if your mum's doing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1641.1119999999999,"endTime":1642.1319999999998,"body":"anything really wrong."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1643.042,"endTime":1643.532,"body":"What?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1643.8719999999998,"endTime":1645.3719999999998,"body":"You're supposed"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1643.8719999999998,"endTime":1645.3719999999998,"body":"to be on my side."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1645.822,"endTime":1647.0819999999999,"body":"No, we're not here"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1645.822,"endTime":1647.0819999999999,"body":"to take sides."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1647.8619999999999,"endTime":1650.022,"body":"And as a therapist we do that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1650.1219999999998,"endTime":1651.732,"body":"I, I do that all the time."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1651.822,"endTime":1653.5919999999999,"body":"People will bring stuff"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1651.822,"endTime":1653.5919999999999,"body":"in and they'll expect"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1653.597,"endTime":1654.912,"body":"me to be on their side."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1655.722,"endTime":1659.519,"body":"And I've gotta put another"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1655.722,"endTime":1659.519,"body":"perspective on it, in a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1659.519,"endTime":1661.829,"body":"way that still shows them"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1659.519,"endTime":1661.829,"body":"that I care for them."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1662.789,"endTime":1665.579,"body":"And not everybody's a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1662.789,"endTime":1665.579,"body":"therapist, so they're"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1665.579,"endTime":1666.479,"body":"not gonna do that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1667.424,"endTime":1671.291,"body":"So the easy road is just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1667.424,"endTime":1671.291,"body":"to take your story as"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1671.291,"endTime":1672.941,"body":"truth and stick with it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1672.941,"endTime":1675.341,"body":"But if you say to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1672.941,"endTime":1675.341,"body":"them, is there another"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1675.341,"endTime":1676.481,"body":"perspective to this?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1676.835,"endTime":1676.895,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1678.175,"endTime":1680.7649999999999,"body":"Am I, am I missing something?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1680.8049999999998,"endTime":1680.865,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1680.865,"endTime":1681.7859999999998,"body":"am I missing something?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1682.146,"endTime":1682.416,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1682.416,"endTime":1684.366,"body":"As opposed to am"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1682.416,"endTime":1684.366,"body":"I the asshole?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1684.7259999999999,"endTime":1686.466,"body":"Which is the, the website."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1686.556,"endTime":1688.9859999999999,"body":"And that can be quite helpful"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1686.556,"endTime":1688.9859999999999,"body":"for people to read the,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1688.9859999999999,"endTime":1691.176,"body":"am I the asshole posts."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1691.206,"endTime":1693.906,"body":"Because you can read it and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1691.206,"endTime":1693.906,"body":"go, How did you not know that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1693.9109999999998,"endTime":1695.2559999999999,"body":"you are the asshole here?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1695.636,"endTime":1696.966,"body":"Because they don't."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1697.956,"endTime":1699.716,"body":"Have you ever heard"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1697.956,"endTime":1699.716,"body":"of Am I the Asshole?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1699.716,"endTime":1701.8529999999998,"body":"I haven't, but I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1699.716,"endTime":1701.8529999999998,"body":"will be looking it up."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1702.197,"endTime":1704.147,"body":"Often it is"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1702.197,"endTime":1704.147,"body":"people that are being"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1704.147,"endTime":1706.933,"body":"gas lit or it's people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1704.147,"endTime":1706.933,"body":"where it's fairly obvious."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1706.933,"endTime":1708.383,"body":"No, your mother is"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1706.933,"endTime":1708.383,"body":"the asshole here."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1709.243,"endTime":1712.128,"body":"But a lot of the times people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1709.243,"endTime":1712.128,"body":"are telling their stories"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1712.128,"endTime":1713.898,"body":"and they don't realize"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1712.128,"endTime":1713.898,"body":"that they're doing anything"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1713.903,"endTime":1718.038,"body":"wrong because their frame"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1713.903,"endTime":1718.038,"body":"of reference is different."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1718.818,"endTime":1722.6879999999999,"body":"When somebody says, My"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1718.818,"endTime":1722.6879999999999,"body":"flatmate is constantly"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1722.693,"endTime":1726.575,"body":"telling me off or leaving"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1722.693,"endTime":1726.575,"body":"my cereal bowl in the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1726.575,"endTime":1730.325,"body":"kitchen, I'd have tidied it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1726.575,"endTime":1730.325,"body":"up eventually, but every day"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1730.325,"endTime":1733.715,"body":"they keep on at me about it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1730.325,"endTime":1733.715,"body":"and it gets on my nerves."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1733.7749999999999,"endTime":1737.5549999999998,"body":"Am I the asshole for, for, for"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1733.7749999999999,"endTime":1737.5549999999998,"body":"leaving it during the day with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1737.5549999999998,"endTime":1738.575,"body":"a little bit of cereal in it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1738.575,"endTime":1739.955,"body":"It's not doing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1738.575,"endTime":1739.955,"body":"any harm, is it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1741.0049999999999,"endTime":1743.195,"body":"Well, maybe it's not doing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1741.0049999999999,"endTime":1743.195,"body":"any harm to you, but you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1743.195,"endTime":1745.289,"body":"know, these two people have"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1743.195,"endTime":1745.289,"body":"different expectations and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1745.289,"endTime":1747.539,"body":"they've got a different"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1745.289,"endTime":1747.539,"body":"frame of reference."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1747.569,"endTime":1749.1889999999999,"body":"There's a different"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1747.569,"endTime":1749.1889999999999,"body":"frame around the bowl"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1749.489,"endTime":1750.9289999999999,"body":"on the kitchen sink."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1751.049,"endTime":1754.649,"body":"One person thinks that's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1751.049,"endTime":1754.649,"body":"fine, it's gonna, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1754.649,"endTime":1755.9189999999999,"body":"clean it up later anyway."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1755.9189999999999,"endTime":1758.8339999999998,"body":"And the other one thinks"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1755.9189999999999,"endTime":1758.8339999999998,"body":"They're walking all over me."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1758.984,"endTime":1760.0339999999999,"body":"They're taking the mick."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1760.124,"endTime":1761.714,"body":"They know I like things tidy."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1761.714,"endTime":1763.5439999999999,"body":"They're deliberately"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1761.714,"endTime":1763.5439999999999,"body":"leaving that there just to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1763.5439999999999,"endTime":1765.164,"body":"antagonize and irritate me."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1766.364,"endTime":1766.754,"body":"Nope."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1766.8139999999999,"endTime":1769.0339999999999,"body":"We're all just trying to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1766.8139999999999,"endTime":1769.0339999999999,"body":"be happy and live our life."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1770.234,"endTime":1771.764,"body":"All of us just wanna be happy."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1771.764,"endTime":1772.274,"body":"And that's it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1772.724,"endTime":1773.5939999999998,"body":"That's the answer."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1774.1799999999998,"endTime":1776.1599999999999,"body":"99 times out of a hundred"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1774.1799999999998,"endTime":1776.1599999999999,"body":"people aren't trying to be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1776.1599999999999,"endTime":1778.5919999999999,"body":"cruel to each other, I hope."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1779.5069999999998,"endTime":1780.587,"body":"I don't think that's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1779.5069999999998,"endTime":1780.587,"body":"me being naive."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1780.587,"endTime":1782.567,"body":"Maybe, maybe 99 out of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1780.587,"endTime":1782.567,"body":"hundred's a bit much,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1782.567,"endTime":1784.8319999999999,"body":"but you a, a large"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1782.567,"endTime":1784.8319999999999,"body":"proportion of the time."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1784.8319999999999,"endTime":1786.0919999999999,"body":"98.5"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1787.36,"endTime":1787.6599999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1787.72,"endTime":1788.62,"body":"I'm gonna go with that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1788.6799999999998,"endTime":1790.12,"body":"That makes a lot more sense."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1790.54,"endTime":1792.61,"body":"Yeah, humans are good."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1792.7,"endTime":1793.24,"body":"Most of us."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1794.663,"endTime":1798.143,"body":"Well, Fiona, I think we've"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1794.663,"endTime":1798.143,"body":"come to time again for"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1798.143,"endTime":1800.873,"body":"episode 30 of Therapy Natters."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1801.233,"endTime":1802.643,"body":"We've been doing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1801.233,"endTime":1802.643,"body":"this for 30 weeks."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1803.032,"endTime":1803.812,"body":"It's amazing."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1804.172,"endTime":1805.537,"body":"It seems like  just yesterday."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1806.047,"endTime":1809.167,"body":"But we thought it would be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1806.047,"endTime":1809.167,"body":"a good idea and it seems"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1809.167,"endTime":1811.7169999999999,"body":"to be from the feedback"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1809.167,"endTime":1811.7169999999999,"body":"that we've been getting,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1811.7169999999999,"endTime":1813.291,"body":"which has been positive."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1813.636,"endTime":1816.6309999999999,"body":"We, we get constant"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1813.636,"endTime":1816.6309999999999,"body":"messages of encouragement."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1816.696,"endTime":1817.686,"body":"No one said anything bad yet,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1820.041,"endTime":1822.3509999999999,"body":"Well, there was one"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1820.041,"endTime":1822.3509999999999,"body":"on, there was one on Twitter,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1822.3509999999999,"endTime":1823.581,"body":"but that was a bit strange."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1824.2859999999998,"endTime":1825.126,"body":"Oh right, okay."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1825.696,"endTime":1827.519,"body":"But you could have put a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1825.696,"endTime":1827.519,"body":"different frame around it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1828.5059999999999,"endTime":1829.096,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1829.626,"endTime":1831.752,"body":"Because it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1829.626,"endTime":1831.752,"body":"might not be about us."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1832.184,"endTime":1834.567,"body":"In fact  over the weekend,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1832.184,"endTime":1834.567,"body":"my wife was on taxi duty."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1834.567,"endTime":1836.937,"body":"She had to do some driving,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1834.567,"endTime":1836.937,"body":"take my son somewhere."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1837.177,"endTime":1839.884,"body":"And so I sat down for an"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1837.177,"endTime":1839.884,"body":"hour and went Right, ask me"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1839.884,"endTime":1841.204,"body":"anything on social media."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1841.234,"endTime":1844.924,"body":"it was an anonymous app so"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1841.234,"endTime":1844.924,"body":"somebody could say anything."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1844.924,"endTime":1846.8439999999998,"body":"They literally could"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1844.924,"endTime":1846.8439999999998,"body":"say anything and I, I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1846.8439999999998,"endTime":1847.944,"body":"wouldn't know who it was."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1848.2939999999999,"endTime":1850.6599999999999,"body":"So it gave people the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1848.2939999999999,"endTime":1850.6599999999999,"body":"opportunity to be brutal."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1851.09,"endTime":1853.34,"body":"Fortunately nobody was."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1854.3899999999999,"endTime":1855.8899999999999,"body":"Everybody just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1854.3899999999999,"endTime":1855.8899999999999,"body":"said nice things."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1856.04,"endTime":1859.28,"body":"Somebody actually said,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1856.04,"endTime":1859.28,"body":"You've saved my life, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1859.28,"endTime":1861.4099999999999,"body":"yet we've never met, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1859.28,"endTime":1861.4099999999999,"body":"you'll never know who I am."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1862.4299999999998,"endTime":1864.32,"body":"I'm like, my God."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1864.5049999999999,"endTime":1866.8149999999998,"body":"All because of making"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1864.5049999999999,"endTime":1866.8149999999998,"body":"mental health, personal"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1866.8149999999998,"endTime":1869.0349999999999,"body":"development content, a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1866.8149999999998,"endTime":1869.0349999999999,"body":"complete stranger out there"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1869.1019999999999,"endTime":1870.3319999999999,"body":"feels I've saved their life."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1870.3319999999999,"endTime":1871.742,"body":"That's, that's astonishing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1871.742,"endTime":1873.572,"body":"And I've had a few messages"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1871.742,"endTime":1873.572,"body":"like that over the years."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1873.6019999999999,"endTime":1876.0919999999999,"body":"It's, it's amazing what audio"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1873.6019999999999,"endTime":1876.0919999999999,"body":"content can do for people."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1876.782,"endTime":1879.722,"body":"But somebody, Oh, I'll read it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1876.782,"endTime":1879.722,"body":"out actually before we finish,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1879.7269999999999,"endTime":1880.8619999999999,"body":"cause it was quite funny."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1881.432,"endTime":1884.994,"body":"It was, the question was,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1881.432,"endTime":1884.994,"body":"Oh yeah, somebody submitted."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1885.174,"endTime":1887.0639999999999,"body":"If your wife was out for"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1885.174,"endTime":1887.0639999999999,"body":"a night and you and your"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1887.0639999999999,"endTime":1889.2839999999999,"body":"son were hanging out,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1887.0639999999999,"endTime":1889.2839999999999,"body":"what would you do and what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1889.2839999999999,"endTime":1890.244,"body":"takeaway would you get?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1890.694,"endTime":1894.5939999999998,"body":"And um, I put probably"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1890.694,"endTime":1894.5939999999998,"body":"watch, anime and eat pizza."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1895.3139999999999,"endTime":1899.0639999999999,"body":"And cuz that's my frame of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1895.3139999999999,"endTime":1899.0639999999999,"body":"reference, that it'd be nice"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1899.0639999999999,"endTime":1901.524,"body":"to spend some time with my son"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1899.0639999999999,"endTime":1901.524,"body":"eating pizza, watching anime."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1902.7089999999998,"endTime":1905.739,"body":"Somebody replied with a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1902.7089999999998,"endTime":1905.739,"body":"different frame of reference."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1905.769,"endTime":1908.6789999999999,"body":"Tanya, Hello Tanya, if you're"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1905.769,"endTime":1908.6789999999999,"body":"a listener to this, um,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1908.7089999999998,"endTime":1912.1589999999999,"body":"different frame of reference"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1908.7089999999998,"endTime":1912.1589999999999,"body":"cuz Tanya wrote as a reply or"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1912.1589999999999,"endTime":1915.729,"body":"better still cook something"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1912.1589999999999,"endTime":1915.729,"body":"and show him that men too can"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1915.734,"endTime":1918.129,"body":"feed their families that he's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1915.734,"endTime":1918.129,"body":"not a woman's job to cook."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1918.279,"endTime":1921.4589999999998,"body":"Maybe even give him a cooking"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1918.279,"endTime":1921.4589999999998,"body":"lesson because she'd got a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1921.4589999999998,"endTime":1922.779,"body":"different frame of reference."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1923.2659999999998,"endTime":1926.416,"body":"She had taken it that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1923.2659999999998,"endTime":1926.416,"body":"by the fact that your wife"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1926.416,"endTime":1927.778,"body":"was out, you couldn't cook."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1928.716,"endTime":1932.356,"body":"cos as far I can see I do"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1928.716,"endTime":1932.356,"body":"not know what your cooking"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1932.356,"endTime":1935.152,"body":"arrangements are at There's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1932.356,"endTime":1935.152,"body":"nothing in there to say"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1935.152,"endTime":1935.902,"body":"that you don't do it all."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1935.9769999999999,"endTime":1936.637,"body":"Yeah, I do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1936.697,"endTime":1939.427,"body":"Well, my wife will cook every"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1936.697,"endTime":1939.427,"body":"now and again, but I do it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1939.4869999999999,"endTime":1942.427,"body":"I do it because I work from"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1939.4869999999999,"endTime":1942.427,"body":"home and so I'm always home"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1942.427,"endTime":1944.647,"body":"first and years ago, we"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1942.427,"endTime":1944.647,"body":"always had the idea that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1944.647,"endTime":1946.387,"body":"whoever got home first"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1944.647,"endTime":1946.387,"body":"made the evening meal."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1946.447,"endTime":1948.817,"body":"Well, now it's me and my"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1946.447,"endTime":1948.817,"body":"wife does a workout after"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1948.817,"endTime":1951.187,"body":"work most nights with some"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1948.817,"endTime":1951.187,"body":"weights in the front room."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1951.397,"endTime":1953.347,"body":"You do that, I'll"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1951.397,"endTime":1953.347,"body":"make the evening meal."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1954.0069999999998,"endTime":1955.447,"body":"That's how it's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1954.0069999999998,"endTime":1955.447,"body":"been for years."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1955.897,"endTime":1957.7469999999998,"body":"My wife doesn't even know"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1955.897,"endTime":1957.7469999999998,"body":"how to  use the cooker."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1957.817,"endTime":1958.567,"body":"I'm joking."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1958.7469999999998,"endTime":1959.407,"body":"She doesn't listen."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1959.617,"endTime":1960.2469999999998,"body":"She doesn't listen."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1960.397,"endTime":1962.7669999999998,"body":"My wife is probably a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1960.397,"endTime":1962.7669999999998,"body":"better cook than me, but"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1962.7669999999998,"endTime":1964.887,"body":"I certainly do it more."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1964.887,"endTime":1966.157,"body":"And yeah I think I'm"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1964.887,"endTime":1966.157,"body":"quite inspirational"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1966.177,"endTime":1966.897,"body":"to  my son for that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1966.897,"endTime":1969.096,"body":"Yeah, so that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1966.897,"endTime":1969.096,"body":"was an interesting"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1969.579,"endTime":1970.609,"body":"assumption Tanya made"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1971.009,"endTime":1971.249,"body":"there"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1971.5639999999999,"endTime":1971.744,"body":"Cuz of a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1971.944,"endTime":1973.144,"body":"different frame of reference"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1973.3039999999999,"endTime":1976.119,"body":"Two pieces of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1973.3039999999999,"endTime":1976.119,"body":"information, the assumption"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1976.119,"endTime":1978.1889999999999,"body":"in the question that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1976.119,"endTime":1978.1889999999999,"body":"there would be a takeaway,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1978.879,"endTime":1981.009,"body":"and then your response"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1978.879,"endTime":1981.009,"body":"that there was takeaway."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1981.2189999999998,"endTime":1982.029,"body":"But actually you didn't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1982.029,"endTime":1982.479,"body":"say it would be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1982.479,"endTime":1982.9589999999998,"body":"takeaway"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1982.9589999999998,"endTime":1983.259,"body":"pizza."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1983.259,"endTime":1983.9389999999999,"body":"You could have cooked"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1983.9389999999999,"endTime":1984.059,"body":"it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1984.656,"endTime":1984.866,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1984.8709999999999,"endTime":1985.576,"body":"I usually do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1985.926,"endTime":1986.416,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1986.578,"endTime":1987.4779999999998,"body":"I don't make the dough."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1987.568,"endTime":1987.898,"body":"I buy"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1987.898,"endTime":1988.018,"body":"the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1988.018,"endTime":1989.9379999999999,"body":"dough, but I do roll"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1988.018,"endTime":1989.9379999999999,"body":"it out and make my"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1989.943,"endTime":1991.558,"body":"own sauce and yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1991.568,"endTime":1992.168,"body":"Yeah, I do."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1992.2179999999998,"endTime":1994.4679999999998,"body":"I do make pizza,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1992.2179999999998,"endTime":1994.4679999999998,"body":"so there you go."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1994.4679999999998,"endTime":1995.128,"body":"Thank you Tanya."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1995.4879999999998,"endTime":1996.028,"body":"Thank you for your input."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1997.048,"endTime":1999.058,"body":"Now you know that there's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1997.048,"endTime":1999.058,"body":"always another way"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1999.058,"endTime":1999.768,"body":"of looking at things."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2000.508,"endTime":2002.4879999999998,"body":"And so does everybody else"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2000.508,"endTime":2002.4879999999998,"body":"out there in listener land."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2002.638,"endTime":2005.848,"body":"So I think we'd better"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2002.638,"endTime":2005.848,"body":"go for another day, but"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2005.848,"endTime":2006.9879999999998,"body":"we'll be back next week."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2007.1979999999999,"endTime":2009.568,"body":"Please submit us some more"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2007.1979999999999,"endTime":2009.568,"body":"questions and comments."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2009.7179999999998,"endTime":2012.748,"body":"Form on the website"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2009.7179999999998,"endTime":2012.748,"body":"and there's a link to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2012.748,"endTime":2014.158,"body":"it in the show notes."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2014.158,"endTime":2016.052,"body":"Please do keep giving"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2014.158,"endTime":2016.052,"body":"the questions cause I've got"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2016.0819999999999,"endTime":2019.6119999999999,"body":"so many things on my list"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2016.0819999999999,"endTime":2019.6119999999999,"body":"of topics that I'm desperate"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2019.6119999999999,"endTime":2023.427,"body":"to get to, so we just need"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2019.6119999999999,"endTime":2023.427,"body":"question to the right topic."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2024.877,"endTime":2025.76,"body":"we'll be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2024.877,"endTime":2025.76,"body":"here long enough"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2027.451,"endTime":2027.681,"body":"yes, yes"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":2027.681,"endTime":2028.6009999999999,"body":"Lots to go."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2028.821,"endTime":2030.3909999999998,"body":"Take care everybody."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2030.3909999999998,"endTime":2031.5359999999998,"body":"See you next week"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":2032.081,"endTime":2032.501,"body":"Bye."}]}