{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":39.686,"endTime":41.456,"body":"All right there"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":39.686,"endTime":41.456,"body":"you fantastic folk."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":41.576,"endTime":45.206,"body":"It's Therapy Natters time"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":41.576,"endTime":45.206,"body":"again, the weekly podcast"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":45.206,"endTime":48.596000000000004,"body":"series presented by two"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":45.206,"endTime":48.596000000000004,"body":"psychotherapists who love"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":48.601,"endTime":51.745999999999995,"body":"letting random strangers"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":48.601,"endTime":51.745999999999995,"body":"hear our nattering about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":51.745999999999995,"endTime":53.456,"body":"all things therapy."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":53.846000000000004,"endTime":56.396,"body":"But instead of 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change"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":120.87800000000001,"endTime":124.02799999999999,"body":"so much to anonymize"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":124.02799999999999,"endTime":126.30799999999999,"body":"everything that you just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":124.02799999999999,"endTime":126.30799999999999,"body":"wouldn't end up having"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":126.30799999999999,"endTime":127.53800000000001,"body":"any conversations at all."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":127.53800000000001,"endTime":128.738,"body":"It would be just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":127.53800000000001,"endTime":128.738,"body":"too much effort."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":129.158,"endTime":129.758,"body":"I've tried."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":130.538,"endTime":132.12800000000001,"body":"To think, oh I want to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":130.538,"endTime":132.12800000000001,"body":"talk about my day, but"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":132.12800000000001,"endTime":133.598,"body":"I need to make it all"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":132.12800000000001,"endTime":133.598,"body":"completely anonymous."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":133.598,"endTime":134.468,"body":"How am I gonna do that?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":134.558,"endTime":137.798,"body":"Um, I just don't."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":138.498,"endTime":140.508,"body":"Take it to supervision if"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":138.498,"endTime":140.508,"body":"I need to talk about it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":140.898,"endTime":141.318,"body":"Yes?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":141.318,"endTime":142.038,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":142.177,"endTime":145.657,"body":"Yeah, that, that round the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":142.177,"endTime":145.657,"body":"dinner table after work thing,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":145.963,"endTime":148.623,"body":"you could 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said,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":173.643,"endTime":175.053,"body":"you've had a nice day."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":175.63299999999998,"endTime":178.09799999999998,"body":"Well, a day innit"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":175.63299999999998,"endTime":178.09799999999998,"body":"as a therapist"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":178.118,"endTime":178.808,"body":"bland, isn't it?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":178.808,"endTime":181.463,"body":"The responses are just,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":178.808,"endTime":181.463,"body":"they've got no content"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":181.463,"endTime":183.32299999999998,"body":"to them cuz you can't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":181.463,"endTime":183.32299999999998,"body":"give the content."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":183.726,"endTime":187.36599999999999,"body":"Yes, and, and I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":183.726,"endTime":187.36599999999999,"body":"think there might have 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honest."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":229.976,"endTime":231.76999999999998,"body":"We've had a tricky"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":229.976,"endTime":231.76999999999998,"body":"couple of years."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":231.79999999999998,"endTime":232.43,"body":"Clients."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":232.60999999999999,"endTime":236.09,"body":"I do remember, you know,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":232.60999999999999,"endTime":236.09,"body":"five, 10 years ago people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":236.09,"endTime":238.7,"body":"came to me for therapy at the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":236.09,"endTime":238.7,"body":"beginning of their problems"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":239.23999999999998,"endTime":243.26,"body":"and lately they're coming 10"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":239.23999999999998,"endTime":243.26,"body":"years into their problems and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":243.26,"endTime":247.512,"body":"they're more deep seated, more"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":243.26,"endTime":247.512,"body":"problematic, which is a real"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":247.512,"endTime":248.59199999999998,"body":"shame that we finding lately."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":248.862,"endTime":252.012,"body":"But the last couple of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":248.862,"endTime":252.012,"body":"weeks I've had a few"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":252.012,"endTime":254.56199999999998,"body":"clients that are spacing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":252.012,"endTime":254.56199999999998,"body":"the sessions further apart,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":254.652,"endTime":258.097,"body":"starting to feel a little"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":254.652,"endTime":258.097,"body":"bit better despite a lot"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":258.097,"endTime":260.077,"body":"of the difficulties that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":258.097,"endTime":260.077,"body":"are going on in the world."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":260.16700000000003,"endTime":263.257,"body":"And that might mean I can"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":260.16700000000003,"endTime":263.257,"body":"start looking on my waiting"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":263.257,"endTime":267.361,"body":"list for, for clients that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":263.257,"endTime":267.361,"body":"inquired about therapy a year"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":267.361,"endTime":272.411,"body":"ago and said, when could I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":267.361,"endTime":272.411,"body":"see you and I had to say, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":272.411,"endTime":276.272,"body":"hello, if you're all listening"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":272.411,"endTime":276.272,"body":"I had to say, I cannot tell"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":276.272,"endTime":277.232,"body":"you when I could see you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":277.232,"endTime":279.902,"body":"It could be anywhere between"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":277.232,"endTime":279.902,"body":"six months and six years."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":279.962,"endTime":282.332,"body":"Just, I don't know when I'm"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":279.962,"endTime":282.332,"body":"gonna have time available."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":282.332,"endTime":284.552,"body":"Do you really want to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":282.332,"endTime":284.552,"body":"go on my waiting list?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":285.092,"endTime":287.352,"body":"And so many said,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":285.092,"endTime":287.352,"body":"yeah, I'll wait."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":288.032,"endTime":288.86199999999997,"body":"Oh, no."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":289.592,"endTime":291.392,"body":"Now I feel guilty"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":289.592,"endTime":291.392,"body":"if I don't see you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":291.977,"endTime":294.622,"body":"But that's not my choice."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":294.712,"endTime":297.202,"body":"They made that decision"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":294.712,"endTime":297.202,"body":"that says, No, I'll wait."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":297.262,"endTime":297.98199999999997,"body":"It's, it's fine."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":297.98199999999997,"endTime":298.372,"body":"I'll wait."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":298.522,"endTime":300.802,"body":"Having said that, sometimes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":298.522,"endTime":300.802,"body":"I do message people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":300.807,"endTime":302.48199999999997,"body":"and go, you're coming"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":300.807,"endTime":302.48199999999997,"body":"to the top of my list."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":302.692,"endTime":304.492,"body":"I just wondered if you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":302.692,"endTime":304.492,"body":"still want to see me."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":304.492,"endTime":305.752,"body":"And they go, oh, actually, no."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":305.752,"endTime":307.882,"body":"I, I found another"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":305.752,"endTime":307.882,"body":"therapist who is local"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":308.152,"endTime":309.302,"body":"and I'm doing alright."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":309.342,"endTime":310.189,"body":"I'm doing alright."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":310.209,"endTime":313.05899999999997,"body":"But if I'm, if I want to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":310.209,"endTime":313.05899999999997,"body":"change therapists, then"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":313.05899999999997,"endTime":314.289,"body":"maybe I'll reach out to you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":315.039,"endTime":315.459,"body":"Great."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":315.464,"endTime":316.389,"body":"That's fantastic."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":316.394,"endTime":317.199,"body":"Take action."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":317.664,"endTime":319.74899999999997,"body":"And there is such"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":317.664,"endTime":319.74899999999997,"body":"a thing as um, people"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":319.779,"endTime":322.029,"body":"getting better when they're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":319.779,"endTime":322.029,"body":"on a waiting list anyway."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":322.239,"endTime":323.899,"body":"That's a known phenomenon."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":323.99899999999997,"endTime":325.954,"body":"So just the, the step of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":326.314,"endTime":329.129,"body":"having taken some action"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":326.314,"endTime":329.129,"body":"that you know is going to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":329.459,"endTime":330.86899999999997,"body":"take effect at some point."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":331.026,"endTime":331.32599999999996,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":331.986,"endTime":332.766,"body":"Creates hope."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":333.026,"endTime":336.216,"body":"And that's I mean, it's not"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":333.026,"endTime":336.216,"body":"a placebo hope or is it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":336.216,"endTime":337.506,"body":"Depends how you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":336.216,"endTime":337.506,"body":"define placebo."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":337.506,"endTime":338.616,"body":"It's something that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":337.506,"endTime":338.616,"body":"gets you better."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":338.676,"endTime":339.246,"body":"was just going to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":339.246,"endTime":339.606,"body":"say it"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":339.606,"endTime":342.396,"body":"links, I was just gonna say"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":339.606,"endTime":342.396,"body":"it links into the placebo"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":342.396,"endTime":345.116,"body":"effect, but yeah, it's,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":342.396,"endTime":345.116,"body":"there's something about"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":345.626,"endTime":347.586,"body":"taking action isn't there?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":347.812,"endTime":348.442,"body":"that helps."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":348.95799999999997,"endTime":350.638,"body":"and I must admit,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":348.95799999999997,"endTime":350.638,"body":"I'm finding it a lot easier"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":350.638,"endTime":354.793,"body":"these last few years to be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":350.638,"endTime":354.793,"body":"able to say No to inquiries."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":355.27299999999997,"endTime":357.343,"body":"I remember, I think we spoke"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":355.27299999999997,"endTime":357.343,"body":"about this in the burnout"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":357.343,"endTime":358.363,"body":"episode the other week."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":358.96299999999997,"endTime":361.483,"body":"I used to say yes to everybody"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":358.96299999999997,"endTime":361.483,"body":"because I'm starting up a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":361.883,"endTime":365.263,"body":"business, so I can't say No"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":361.883,"endTime":365.263,"body":"oh, do you do home visits?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":365.382,"endTime":366.912,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":367.392,"endTime":367.932,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":368.202,"endTime":369.972,"body":"I'll just do, I'll do that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":368.202,"endTime":369.972,"body":"then and I'll spend most"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":369.972,"endTime":373.062,"body":"of my time driving about,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":369.972,"endTime":373.062,"body":"but I saved on rent, but"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":373.512,"endTime":374.772,"body":"paid in petrol fumes,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":375.174,"endTime":375.664,"body":"yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":375.664,"endTime":377.144,"body":"And of course there is,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":375.664,"endTime":377.144,"body":"so there is something"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":377.144,"endTime":379.084,"body":"about therapists."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":379.084,"endTime":381.424,"body":"Most, most people go"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":379.084,"endTime":381.424,"body":"into therapy because"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":381.424,"endTime":383.404,"body":"they want to help others."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":384.21999999999997,"endTime":387.74,"body":"So it does tend to go"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":384.21999999999997,"endTime":387.74,"body":"with the territory."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":388.11899999999997,"endTime":388.419,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":388.689,"endTime":389.379,"body":"You care."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":390.039,"endTime":391.86899999999997,"body":"We care for others and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":390.039,"endTime":391.86899999999997,"body":"we want to help them."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":392.529,"endTime":396.579,"body":"I guess problems occur when"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":392.529,"endTime":396.579,"body":"people care a bit too much"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":396.961,"endTime":399.601,"body":"If their sense of self is"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":396.961,"endTime":399.601,"body":"based around making sure"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":399.601,"endTime":403.378,"body":"other people are okay,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":399.601,"endTime":403.378,"body":"then that can be painful."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":403.828,"endTime":405.665,"body":"And we've had a few"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":403.828,"endTime":405.665,"body":"questions like that from"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":405.665,"endTime":407.255,"body":"listeners over the months."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":407.315,"endTime":409.985,"body":"And certainly I've had clients"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":407.315,"endTime":409.985,"body":"over the years that, you know,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":409.99,"endTime":413.22499999999997,"body":"that's their biggest issue,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":409.99,"endTime":413.22499999999997,"body":"that they're people pleasers."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":413.915,"endTime":416.015,"body":"That's, it's a,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":413.915,"endTime":416.015,"body":"it's a big issue."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":416.015,"endTime":416.795,"body":"It really is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":417.365,"endTime":419.405,"body":"We had a question last"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":417.365,"endTime":419.405,"body":"week sent to us, actually."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":419.745,"endTime":420.545,"body":"Shall I read it out?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":421.245,"endTime":422.085,"body":"Let's have a look."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":422.835,"endTime":424.965,"body":"It was from"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":422.835,"endTime":424.965,"body":"Heather from Luton."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":425.025,"endTime":425.565,"body":"Hello Heather."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":426.015,"endTime":428.865,"body":"Heather says, I listened"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":426.015,"endTime":428.865,"body":"to a recent episode where"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":428.865,"endTime":430.875,"body":"you mentioned not feeling"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":428.865,"endTime":430.875,"body":"guilty about having to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":430.88,"endTime":433.215,"body":"cancel a night out at the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":430.88,"endTime":433.215,"body":"last minute and would love"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":433.215,"endTime":434.53499999999997,"body":"to know how to do that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":435.075,"endTime":437.625,"body":"I've always been a people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":435.075,"endTime":437.625,"body":"pleaser, and the idea of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":437.63,"endTime":440.685,"body":"putting my needs first"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":437.63,"endTime":440.685,"body":"if it means someone else"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":440.685,"endTime":443.685,"body":"feeling disappointed in"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":440.685,"endTime":443.685,"body":"me seems just impossible."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":443.955,"endTime":445.425,"body":"Where do I start?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":446.068,"endTime":449.008,"body":"well, you're starting Heather,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":446.068,"endTime":449.008,"body":"cuz you, you're acknowledging"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":449.008,"endTime":452.971,"body":"it, acknowledging that it's a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":449.008,"endTime":452.971,"body":"problem and recognizing, oh,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":453.331,"endTime":455.131,"body":"not everybody's like this."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":455.941,"endTime":459.51099999999997,"body":"And that comes from listening"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":455.941,"endTime":459.51099999999997,"body":"to these sorts of episodes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":459.51099999999997,"endTime":461.791,"body":"and chatting to people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":459.51099999999997,"endTime":461.791,"body":"and realizing, oh, there"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":461.796,"endTime":462.721,"body":"is a choice is there?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":462.721,"endTime":464.041,"body":"I didn't know I had a choice."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":464.041,"endTime":465.625,"body":"I thought I had"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":464.041,"endTime":465.625,"body":"to people please"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":466.465,"endTime":467.965,"body":"I think, well, how long's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":466.465,"endTime":467.965,"body":"that been going on?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":468.065,"endTime":468.815,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":469.085,"endTime":472.805,"body":"I'd also like to challenge"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":469.085,"endTime":472.805,"body":"this, the little bit of here."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":473.505,"endTime":477.20799999999997,"body":"In me, she says, and the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":473.505,"endTime":477.20799999999997,"body":"idea of putting my needs"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":477.20799999999997,"endTime":481.798,"body":"first, if it means someone"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":477.20799999999997,"endTime":481.798,"body":"feeling disappointed In Me."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":482.278,"endTime":487.081,"body":"If she just left out the In"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":482.278,"endTime":487.081,"body":"Me if she just not said, just"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":487.081,"endTime":488.551,"body":"said feeling disappointed."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":489.391,"endTime":491.341,"body":"That actually is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":489.391,"endTime":491.341,"body":"quite different."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":492.165,"endTime":493.815,"body":"Other people's disappointment."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":494.515,"endTime":497.815,"body":"It's, yeah, it's sort of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":494.515,"endTime":497.815,"body":"uncontrollable in a sense."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":497.865,"endTime":499.72499999999997,"body":"You can't make sure"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":497.865,"endTime":499.72499999999997,"body":"everybody's happy all"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":499.72499999999997,"endTime":503.128,"body":"the time,  however much"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":499.72499999999997,"endTime":503.128,"body":"you try, but when you are"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":503.133,"endTime":506.038,"body":"worried that they're going"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":503.133,"endTime":506.038,"body":"to be disappointed in you."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":506.738,"endTime":508.568,"body":"That's a whole extra"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":506.738,"endTime":508.568,"body":"step, isn't it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":509.268,"endTime":509.598,"body":"Mm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":510.298,"endTime":512.323,"body":"So there's something"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":510.298,"endTime":512.323,"body":"going on here, Heather."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":513.023,"endTime":516.113,"body":"You seem to be worried about"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":513.023,"endTime":516.113,"body":"what people think of you,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":516.118,"endTime":517.943,"body":"and we've discussed that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":516.118,"endTime":517.943,"body":"before several times at"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":517.943,"endTime":520.763,"body":"least about the fact that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":517.943,"endTime":520.763,"body":"everybody is concerned about"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":520.763,"endTime":521.963,"body":"what other people think."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":522.533,"endTime":525.413,"body":"I was reading a book the other"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":522.533,"endTime":525.413,"body":"day and there was a line in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":525.413,"endTime":529.653,"body":"it that said, Everybody is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":525.413,"endTime":529.653,"body":"trying to be a better person"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":529.658,"endTime":531.273,"body":"unless they are narcissistic."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":531.9730000000001,"endTime":534.053,"body":"I thought, oh, that's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":531.9730000000001,"endTime":534.053,"body":"an interesting one."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":534.313,"endTime":536.863,"body":"Everybody's trying to be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":534.313,"endTime":536.863,"body":"a better person unless"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":536.868,"endTime":537.8530000000001,"body":"they're narcissistic."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":538.553,"endTime":540.743,"body":"I sort of tried to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":538.553,"endTime":540.743,"body":"think Is that true?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":541.433,"endTime":542.873,"body":"And I think it"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":541.433,"endTime":542.873,"body":"probably is actually."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":542.9330000000001,"endTime":546.243,"body":"That we are all trying to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":542.9330000000001,"endTime":546.243,"body":"do our best and part of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":546.248,"endTime":549.6220000000001,"body":"that, trying to do our best"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":546.248,"endTime":549.6220000000001,"body":"is not upset other people."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":549.6220000000001,"endTime":552.7220000000001,"body":"Most people do not want"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":549.6220000000001,"endTime":552.7220000000001,"body":"to upset other people, and"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":552.7220000000001,"endTime":553.772,"body":"that's how it should be."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":554.042,"endTime":557.7620000000001,"body":"But clearly it can go too"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":554.042,"endTime":557.7620000000001,"body":"far, as you were saying,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":558.027,"endTime":560.547,"body":"if that's what drives you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":561.2470000000001,"endTime":562.787,"body":"mm Yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":562.817,"endTime":566.3370000000001,"body":"And by the sound of things,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":562.817,"endTime":566.3370000000001,"body":"that's what drives Heather."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":566.4870000000001,"endTime":570.3570000000001,"body":"Making sure that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":566.4870000000001,"endTime":570.3570000000001,"body":"other people are okay."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":570.9770000000001,"endTime":574.3470000000001,"body":"And that's, that's not"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":570.9770000000001,"endTime":574.3470000000001,"body":"a recipe for success."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":575.047,"endTime":579.1270000000001,"body":"If saying yes to other people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":575.047,"endTime":579.1270000000001,"body":"means saying no to yourself."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":579.817,"endTime":581.1070000000001,"body":"Every now and again,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":579.817,"endTime":581.1070000000001,"body":"it's not gonna do any"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":581.1070000000001,"endTime":583.37,"body":"harm cause it's good to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":581.1070000000001,"endTime":583.37,"body":"be part of a community."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":583.46,"endTime":585.32,"body":"It's good to be selfless."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":585.83,"endTime":588.8900000000001,"body":"But it's okay to be selfish."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":589.3100000000001,"endTime":592.88,"body":"It's okay to put your"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":589.3100000000001,"endTime":592.88,"body":"needs first and say,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":593.5300000000001,"endTime":594.98,"body":"actually no, not today."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":595.38,"endTime":597.4100000000001,"body":"Actually, no, I'm not able"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":595.38,"endTime":597.4100000000001,"body":"to babysit you at the last"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":597.4100000000001,"endTime":599.9000000000001,"body":"minute because I was really"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":597.4100000000001,"endTime":599.9000000000001,"body":"looking forward to watching"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":599.9050000000001,"endTime":603.11,"body":"Harry Potter with this bottle"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":599.9050000000001,"endTime":603.11,"body":"of Lambrini or whatever"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":603.62,"endTime":604.5500000000001,"body":"somebody's plans were."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":606.005,"endTime":608.705,"body":"That's a very"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":606.005,"endTime":608.705,"body":"interesting scenario"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":608.705,"endTime":611.225,"body":"you've just created there"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":608.705,"endTime":611.225,"body":"for us to visualize."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":611.35,"endTime":612.4200000000001,"body":"Can you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":611.35,"endTime":612.4200000000001,"body":"still get Lambrini?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":612.44,"endTime":612.97,"body":"I don't know."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":614.643,"endTime":619.383,"body":"But it goes to show this,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":614.643,"endTime":619.383,"body":"this need to people 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that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":663.053,"endTime":666.533,"body":"And the others sort"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":663.053,"endTime":666.533,"body":"of go, oh, okay then"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":667.2330000000001,"endTime":669.2130000000001,"body":"Yeah, I didn't"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":667.2330000000001,"endTime":669.2130000000001,"body":"know we were allowed"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":669.2130000000001,"endTime":670.533,"body":"to say no to people."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":671.043,"endTime":671.7030000000001,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":671.763,"endTime":672.153,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":672.2130000000001,"endTime":672.6030000000001,"body":"You are."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":673.303,"endTime":674.3230000000001,"body":"Heather, you are."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":674.6830000000001,"endTime":675.793,"body":"Everybody is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":676.0930000000001,"endTime":680.72,"body":"But if you've got these,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":676.0930000000001,"endTime":680.72,"body":"these, these schemas, these"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":680.72,"endTime":685.7,"body":"scripts, this process running"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":680.72,"endTime":685.7,"body":"through you that says Well, I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":685.7800000000001,"endTime":688.855,"body":"can't disappoint other people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":685.7800000000001,"endTime":688.855,"body":"cuz then they won't like me."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":688.855,"endTime":690.625,"body":"Then they might reject"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":688.855,"endTime":690.625,"body":"me and that's the worst"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":690.625,"endTime":691.495,"body":"thing in the world."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":691.6450000000001,"endTime":692.5150000000001,"body":"Yeah, of course 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the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":715.4000000000001,"endTime":719.606,"body":"awareness of what's going on"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":720.1460000000001,"endTime":723.8190000000001,"body":"to then change the action, I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":720.1460000000001,"endTime":723.8190000000001,"body":"suppose that's the difference."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":724.1690000000001,"endTime":727.5590000000001,"body":"In previous episodes we've"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":724.1690000000001,"endTime":727.5590000000001,"body":"mentioned a form of therapy"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":727.5590000000001,"endTime":729.029,"body":"called Transactional Analysis."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":729.729,"endTime":732.3820000000001,"body":"And there's a couple of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":729.729,"endTime":732.3820000000001,"body":"theories from that that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":732.3820000000001,"endTime":735.2320000000001,"body":"we can mention today,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":732.3820000000001,"endTime":735.2320000000001,"body":"which goes along with it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":735.2320000000001,"endTime":737.479,"body":"And the first is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":735.2320000000001,"endTime":737.479,"body":"the idea of drivers."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":737.9290000000001,"endTime":742.4820000000001,"body":"And there are half dozen or"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":737.9290000000001,"endTime":742.4820000000001,"body":"so drivers defined within"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":742.542,"endTime":748.726,"body":"TA and one of them is Please"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":742.542,"endTime":748.726,"body":"others, which we've obviously"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":748.772,"endTime":751.466,"body":"discussed, but let's go"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":748.772,"endTime":751.466,"body":"through the others as well."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":751.6080000000001,"endTime":755.268,"body":"Because some listeners will"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":751.6080000000001,"endTime":755.268,"body":"be familiar with these."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":755.9680000000001,"endTime":758.008,"body":"They are, Be perfect."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":758.668,"endTime":759.778,"body":"Try hard."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":760.168,"endTime":761.0980000000001,"body":"Work hard."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":761.488,"endTime":762.3580000000001,"body":"Be strong."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":762.898,"endTime":763.7080000000001,"body":"And hurry up."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":764.408,"endTime":766.5980000000001,"body":"Now, I, I know"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":764.408,"endTime":766.5980000000001,"body":"personally, I've got a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":766.5980000000001,"endTime":768.038,"body":"strong hurry up driver."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":768.248,"endTime":772.984,"body":"I get very frustrated with"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":768.248,"endTime":772.984,"body":"myself if I'm not getting"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":772.984,"endTime":775.504,"body":"on with something, not all"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":772.984,"endTime":775.504,"body":"the time, I'm perfectly"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":775.504,"endTime":778.7230000000001,"body":"capable of letting go,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":775.504,"endTime":778.7230000000001,"body":"relaxing, chilling out."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":779.4440000000001,"endTime":781.604,"body":"But I sort of hurry"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":779.4440000000001,"endTime":781.604,"body":"up to do that  even"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":781.604,"endTime":782.4440000000001,"body":"when I'm doing that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":782.504,"endTime":784.1840000000001,"body":"Oh, let's get on"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":782.504,"endTime":784.1840000000001,"body":"with relaxing."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":784.884,"endTime":785.874,"body":"But the hurry up drive."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":785.874,"endTime":788.5440000000001,"body":"I mean, I was playing bridge"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":785.874,"endTime":788.5440000000001,"body":"the other day and the people I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":788.5440000000001,"endTime":791.724,"body":"was with were very slow and oh"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":788.5440000000001,"endTime":791.724,"body":"God, it was driving me nuts."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":792.469,"endTime":793.349,"body":"I want to get on with it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":793.5490000000001,"endTime":793.979,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":794.0490000000001,"endTime":798.344,"body":"That's done me a lot"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":794.0490000000001,"endTime":798.344,"body":"of favors in work terms."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":798.749,"endTime":800.0390000000001,"body":"Because I get things done."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":800.4390000000001,"endTime":802.119,"body":"But it can be a problem."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":802.119,"endTime":806.349,"body":"All of these things can be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":802.119,"endTime":806.349,"body":"good and can be problematic"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":807.129,"endTime":808.1790000000001,"body":"if they become so,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":808.879,"endTime":809.4490000000001,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":809.8950000000001,"endTime":812.505,"body":"Okay, so let's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":809.8950000000001,"endTime":812.505,"body":"go in the reverse order"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":812.505,"endTime":814.625,"body":"we've already done, Please"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":812.505,"endTime":814.625,"body":"others,  then hurry up."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":814.625,"endTime":816.335,"body":"I've talked about, do"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":814.625,"endTime":816.335,"body":"you have anything to add"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":816.34,"endTime":817.8950000000001,"body":"on the hurry up driver?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":818.595,"endTime":821.2620000000001,"body":"It's not"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":818.595,"endTime":821.2620000000001,"body":"something that I live by."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":821.812,"endTime":824.5980000000001,"body":"The please others"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":821.812,"endTime":824.5980000000001,"body":"thing I lived by that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":824.5980000000001,"endTime":825.798,"body":"for a very long time."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":826.095,"endTime":828.9250000000001,"body":"The hurry up thing, nah,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":826.095,"endTime":828.9250000000001,"body":"that's not something I'm,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":828.9250000000001,"endTime":830.215,"body":"that's not in my awareness."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":830.215,"endTime":833.1550000000001,"body":"I must admit it might be now"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":830.215,"endTime":833.1550000000001,"body":"when I speak with clients and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":833.1600000000001,"endTime":834.715,"body":"see what's going on with them."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":835.4150000000001,"endTime":838.253,"body":"There's a Latin"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":835.4150000000001,"endTime":838.253,"body":"phrase, Festina lente."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":838.3130000000001,"endTime":842.6030000000001,"body":"Which is usually translated"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":838.3130000000001,"endTime":842.6030000000001,"body":"as more haste, less speed."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":843.263,"endTime":845.1830000000001,"body":"But, it actually"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":843.263,"endTime":845.1830000000001,"body":"means hurry up slowly."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":845.614,"endTime":849.094,"body":"And I if Yeah, that's, I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":845.614,"endTime":849.094,"body":"think that's sort of what"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":849.094,"endTime":850.654,"body":"I like to think I do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":850.744,"endTime":852.124,"body":"I hurry up slowly."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":852.6020000000001,"endTime":854.6070000000001,"body":"think, I think people,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":852.6020000000001,"endTime":854.6070000000001,"body":"people will either get that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":854.6070000000001,"endTime":855.567,"body":"or they don't get that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":856.267,"endTime":856.777,"body":"yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":857.1270000000001,"endTime":858.7170000000001,"body":"Be strong"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":857.1270000000001,"endTime":858.7170000000001,"body":"is the next one."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":859.417,"endTime":862.726,"body":"Being strong is generally"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":859.417,"endTime":862.726,"body":"a better thing to think"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":862.726,"endTime":864.479,"body":"about being than being weak."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":864.479,"endTime":867.7080000000001,"body":"But it's, again, it's when"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":864.479,"endTime":867.7080000000001,"body":"it's taken to extremes."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":867.755,"endTime":870.6590000000001,"body":"And when it's big"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":867.755,"endTime":870.6590000000001,"body":"boys don't cry."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":870.879,"endTime":873.652,"body":"Keep a stiff upper lip,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":870.879,"endTime":873.652,"body":"don't talk about it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":873.711,"endTime":877.6700000000001,"body":"Be strong for other"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":873.711,"endTime":877.6700000000001,"body":"people and you must show"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":877.6700000000001,"endTime":878.84,"body":"no sign of weakness."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":879.38,"endTime":883.22,"body":"Those things, we can easily"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":879.38,"endTime":883.22,"body":"see how that can be a problem."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":883.9200000000001,"endTime":884.2800000000001,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":884.98,"endTime":890.0500000000001,"body":"I'd like to redefine what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":884.98,"endTime":890.0500000000001,"body":"it means to be strong."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":890.75,"endTime":893.9100000000001,"body":"Because to me, if we"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":890.75,"endTime":893.9100000000001,"body":"live in a culture that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":893.9100000000001,"endTime":897.6500000000001,"body":"tends to, not accept"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":893.9100000000001,"endTime":897.6500000000001,"body":"people for showing their"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":897.6500000000001,"endTime":899.0,"body":"emotions, especially men."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":899.7,"endTime":902.82,"body":"Then it's quite a strong"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":899.7,"endTime":902.82,"body":"thing to show those emotions."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":903.5200000000001,"endTime":908.24,"body":"To listen to a story that a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":903.5200000000001,"endTime":908.24,"body":"friend is telling you about"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":908.45,"endTime":911.3900000000001,"body":"something they're going"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":908.45,"endTime":911.3900000000001,"body":"through and be touched by it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":912.09,"endTime":914.25,"body":"And, and get teary eyed."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":914.95,"endTime":917.8000000000001,"body":"That shows, I think,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":914.95,"endTime":917.8000000000001,"body":"great strength."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":917.83,"endTime":921.4100000000001,"body":"It's not a weakness to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":917.83,"endTime":921.4100000000001,"body":"show empathy, but, you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":921.4100000000001,"endTime":923.4100000000001,"body":"know, I'm a therapist, so"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":921.4100000000001,"endTime":923.4100000000001,"body":"I, I, I think, and feel"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":923.4100000000001,"endTime":925.85,"body":"slightly differently to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":923.4100000000001,"endTime":925.85,"body":"the, to some cultural norms."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":925.85,"endTime":927.61,"body":"But we need to change"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":925.85,"endTime":927.61,"body":"the norms, I think"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":927.6500000000001,"endTime":929.345,"body":"I think we are"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":927.6500000000001,"endTime":929.345,"body":"changing them, aren't we?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":929.6750000000001,"endTime":933.811,"body":"I think things are, are bit by"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":929.6750000000001,"endTime":933.811,"body":"bit again on, I'm a  celebrity"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":933.816,"endTime":939.44,"body":"was talking about how as a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":933.816,"endTime":939.44,"body":"child they never got shown any"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":939.5300000000001,"endTime":946.69,"body":"love and, The person said that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":939.5300000000001,"endTime":946.69,"body":"his mother said to his father,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":947.32,"endTime":948.6700000000001,"body":"you never say I love you."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":949.4200000000001,"endTime":952.0600000000001,"body":"And the father's response"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":949.4200000000001,"endTime":952.0600000000001,"body":"was, well, I'm here, aren't I?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":952.695,"endTime":956.1450000000001,"body":"And then one of the other"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":952.695,"endTime":956.1450000000001,"body":"people in the jungle said,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":956.835,"endTime":958.3950000000001,"body":"but it's different these days."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":959.0550000000001,"endTime":961.335,"body":"We tell our children all"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":959.0550000000001,"endTime":961.335,"body":"the time, we love them."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":962.0350000000001,"endTime":965.455,"body":"And that is considered now"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":962.0350000000001,"endTime":965.455,"body":"to be a strong thing to do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":965.855,"endTime":970.451,"body":"And there's so much"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":965.855,"endTime":970.451,"body":"encouragement to talk"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":970.6310000000001,"endTime":971.9970000000001,"body":"that that goes on."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":971.9970000000001,"endTime":974.176,"body":"So I think it is shifting"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":971.9970000000001,"endTime":974.176,"body":"and that's a really,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":974.3860000000001,"endTime":975.1160000000001,"body":"really good thing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":975.466,"endTime":977.311,"body":"As long as there's"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":975.466,"endTime":977.311,"body":"not a pushback from the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":977.311,"endTime":979.6740000000001,"body":"people with the beliefs"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":977.311,"endTime":979.6740000000001,"body":"on the other side, cuz"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":979.6740000000001,"endTime":980.6840000000001,"body":"we do tend to see that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":980.734,"endTime":983.404,"body":"Because it means"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":980.734,"endTime":983.404,"body":"challenging who they are."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":983.7940000000001,"endTime":986.134,"body":"If somebody is what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":983.7940000000001,"endTime":986.134,"body":"they define as strong,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":986.134,"endTime":989.614,"body":"which is, I don't need"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":986.134,"endTime":989.614,"body":"to use the word love."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":990.214,"endTime":991.864,"body":"I show my love in other ways."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":991.894,"endTime":995.984,"body":"Just my presence, me"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":991.894,"endTime":995.984,"body":"going to work, me stopping"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":995.984,"endTime":998.234,"body":"up late to finish this"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":995.984,"endTime":998.234,"body":"project or whatever it is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":998.234,"endTime":1001.0840000000001,"body":"That's how I show love and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":998.234,"endTime":1001.0840000000001,"body":"everybody should know that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1001.9240000000001,"endTime":1005.354,"body":"Rather than challenge that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1001.9240000000001,"endTime":1005.354,"body":"and go, Oh, the people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1005.354,"endTime":1007.004,"body":"around me haven't known"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1005.354,"endTime":1007.004,"body":"that I've loved them"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1007.004,"endTime":1008.144,"body":"cause I've not shown them."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1008.3240000000001,"endTime":1010.754,"body":"And realize that, admit"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1008.3240000000001,"endTime":1010.754,"body":"that, and go, okay, I need"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1010.754,"endTime":1011.654,"body":"to do something about that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1012.354,"endTime":1014.4540000000001,"body":"Because of a defense mechanism"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1012.354,"endTime":1014.4540000000001,"body":"they dig the heels in and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1014.4540000000001,"endTime":1018.984,"body":"go, now I'm gonna go further"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1014.4540000000001,"endTime":1018.984,"body":"into my existing beliefs."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1019.764,"endTime":1021.144,"body":"And we do see that pushback."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1021.144,"endTime":1023.004,"body":"I dunno how long it'll"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1021.144,"endTime":1023.004,"body":"go on for maybe another"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1023.004,"endTime":1026.034,"body":"generation, but certainly"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1023.004,"endTime":1026.034,"body":"another decade, I think."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1026.734,"endTime":1027.424,"body":"We'll get there."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1027.484,"endTime":1028.234,"body":"We'll get there."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1028.789,"endTime":1031.039,"body":"There's also"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1028.789,"endTime":1031.039,"body":"this context dependent"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1031.229,"endTime":1032.581,"body":"strength in this way."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1032.581,"endTime":1034.885,"body":"People who are in the"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1032.581,"endTime":1034.885,"body":"military for example."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1035.008,"endTime":1037.598,"body":"They don't need to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1035.008,"endTime":1037.598,"body":"be  uh, the sort of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1037.598,"endTime":1039.008,"body":"soft, strong they need."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1039.248,"endTime":1042.443,"body":"They need the strong, strong"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1039.248,"endTime":1042.443,"body":"to be able to do what they"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1042.443,"endTime":1046.567,"body":"need to do and to withstand"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1042.443,"endTime":1046.567,"body":"what they have to withstand."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1047.062,"endTime":1050.962,"body":"And I've worked with"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1047.062,"endTime":1050.962,"body":"ex-military people and I'm"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1050.962,"endTime":1054.27,"body":"certainly not going to be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1050.962,"endTime":1054.27,"body":"pushing at those belief"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1054.27,"endTime":1057.3,"body":"systems because, well,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1054.27,"endTime":1057.3,"body":"they would just walk out."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1058.0,"endTime":1058.54,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1058.6599999999999,"endTime":1060.24,"body":"Cause you're not in"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1058.6599999999999,"endTime":1060.24,"body":"their frame of reference."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1060.385,"endTime":1061.405,"body":"there are other ways."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1062.105,"endTime":1062.435,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1062.835,"endTime":1065.115,"body":"Now again, I think"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1062.835,"endTime":1065.115,"body":"most people would think"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1065.205,"endTime":1068.475,"body":"working hard generally is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1065.205,"endTime":1068.475,"body":"a fairly good thing to do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1069.175,"endTime":1070.945,"body":"But again, it can be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1069.175,"endTime":1070.945,"body":"too much, can't it?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1071.645,"endTime":1071.885,"body":"If it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1072.1699999999998,"endTime":1073.8799999999999,"body":"There's always"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1072.1699999999998,"endTime":1073.8799999999999,"body":"a balance, isn't there?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1073.925,"endTime":1074.945,"body":"There's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1073.925,"endTime":1074.945,"body":"always a balance."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1075.81,"endTime":1076.11,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1076.605,"endTime":1076.8149999999998,"body":"Oh."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1076.8149999999998,"endTime":1079.32,"body":"Just to say if people are"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1076.8149999999998,"endTime":1079.32,"body":"interested in this, you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1079.325,"endTime":1085.4199999999998,"body":"can just google TA drivers"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1079.325,"endTime":1085.4199999999998,"body":"questionnaire and you'll"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1085.4199999999998,"endTime":1088.24,"body":"find questionnaires online"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1085.4199999999998,"endTime":1088.24,"body":"that you can just do in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1088.24,"endTime":1090.7949999999998,"body":"a matter of minutes and"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1088.24,"endTime":1090.7949999999998,"body":"it'll tell you where you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1090.7949999999998,"endTime":1092.768,"body":"score  on these drivers."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1092.9479999999999,"endTime":1093.588,"body":"It's good fun."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1093.9379999999999,"endTime":1094.9679999999998,"body":"Oh, that'd"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1093.9379999999999,"endTime":1094.9679999999998,"body":"be interesting."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1094.973,"endTime":1095.118,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1095.3129999999999,"endTime":1095.523,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1095.783,"endTime":1097.623,"body":"It gives you marks"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1095.783,"endTime":1097.623,"body":"out of five, I think."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1098.3229999999999,"endTime":1099.993,"body":"And if you, if you're"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1098.3229999999999,"endTime":1099.993,"body":"currently seeing a therapist,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1100.633,"endTime":1104.503,"body":"You can take that into them"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1100.633,"endTime":1104.503,"body":"and go, I did this, cuz"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1104.503,"endTime":1106.543,"body":"those sorts of questionnaires"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1104.503,"endTime":1106.543,"body":"are gonna be far better at"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1106.543,"endTime":1109.0629999999999,"body":"helping you figure out who"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1106.543,"endTime":1109.0629999999999,"body":"you are and what's going on"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1109.123,"endTime":1113.533,"body":"with you than you know which"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1109.123,"endTime":1113.533,"body":"Muppet character you are"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1113.743,"endTime":1115.6029999999998,"body":"from some of those surveys."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1116.293,"endTime":1117.193,"body":"Don't take that in."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1117.893,"endTime":1119.3029999999999,"body":"That's just data mining."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1119.441,"endTime":1121.95,"body":"My, my kids sent"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1119.441,"endTime":1121.95,"body":"me through one the other"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1121.955,"endTime":1125.203,"body":"day cuz they, one of them"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1121.955,"endTime":1125.203,"body":"had, had come across this"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1125.263,"endTime":1128.531,"body":"questionnaire that determined"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1125.263,"endTime":1128.531,"body":"what your animal was."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1128.9479999999999,"endTime":1130.8519999999999,"body":"And they were doing it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1130.8519999999999,"endTime":1134.482,"body":"And one was a, well, two,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1130.8519999999999,"endTime":1134.482,"body":"two of my four were dolphins."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1134.482,"endTime":1135.202,"body":"One was."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1135.902,"endTime":1139.5919999999999,"body":"A koala, and I can't"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1135.902,"endTime":1139.5919999999999,"body":"remember what the other"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1139.5919999999999,"endTime":1143.3719999999998,"body":"one was, but the, the,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1139.5919999999999,"endTime":1143.3719999999998,"body":"you get a motto as to what"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1143.3719999999998,"endTime":1144.992,"body":"you are with your animal."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1145.3519999999999,"endTime":1147.062,"body":"And all the mottoes"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1145.3519999999999,"endTime":1147.062,"body":"just worked."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1147.062,"endTime":1152.012,"body":"So I did it myself, and"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1147.062,"endTime":1152.012,"body":"it was pure Jungian typing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1152.6119999999999,"endTime":1155.292,"body":"but leading to giving you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1152.6119999999999,"endTime":1155.292,"body":"an animal and a motto."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1155.562,"endTime":1159.432,"body":"So I'm a seahorse,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1155.562,"endTime":1159.432,"body":"and my motto is, let's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1159.432,"endTime":1160.182,"body":"think about this."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1160.368,"endTime":1162.168,"body":"And I thought,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1160.368,"endTime":1162.168,"body":"Ooh, that's okay."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1162.868,"endTime":1165.998,"body":"I can't remember what else"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1162.868,"endTime":1165.998,"body":"being a seahorse meant, but"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1166.423,"endTime":1168.143,"body":"I bet I'd"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1166.423,"endTime":1168.143,"body":"be some sort of dog."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1168.3529999999998,"endTime":1169.703,"body":"Some sort of floppy eared."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1169.703,"endTime":1173.3129999999999,"body":"Hello, I love"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1169.703,"endTime":1173.3129999999999,"body":"you .Sort of dog."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1173.703,"endTime":1174.8129999999999,"body":"I'd be a Labrador."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1174.903,"endTime":1175.3529999999998,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1175.533,"endTime":1176.523,"body":"Golden retriever maybe."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1177.223,"endTime":1178.183,"body":"But yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1178.288,"endTime":1179.128,"body":"I'd be a beagle."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1179.548,"endTime":1180.6879999999999,"body":"I'd be a bouncy beagle."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1180.733,"endTime":1181.963,"body":"Be careful with these."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1182.023,"endTime":1183.283,"body":"Yes, yes, you would."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1183.8229999999999,"endTime":1185.291,"body":"We have to be a bit"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1183.8229999999999,"endTime":1185.291,"body":"careful with these things."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1185.291,"endTime":1187.451,"body":"As you say, you don't want"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1185.291,"endTime":1187.451,"body":"to be doing click bait"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1187.451,"endTime":1191.171,"body":"things, but this was um,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1187.451,"endTime":1191.171,"body":"Jungian um, It was okay."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1191.531,"endTime":1194.981,"body":"But yeah, so you can find"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1191.531,"endTime":1194.981,"body":"out what your drivers are."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1194.981,"endTime":1198.041,"body":"So work hard I think is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1194.981,"endTime":1198.041,"body":"fairly self-explanatory as"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1198.041,"endTime":1198.971,"body":"to where that can go wrong."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1199.781,"endTime":1200.741,"body":"Try hard."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1201.158,"endTime":1205.211,"body":"Now, try hard is a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1201.158,"endTime":1205.211,"body":"really interesting one."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1205.9109999999998,"endTime":1209.211,"body":"Any NLPers amongst you out"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1205.9109999999998,"endTime":1209.211,"body":"there will say there is no"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1209.211,"endTime":1211.071,"body":"such thing as try only do."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1211.6109999999999,"endTime":1211.821,"body":"I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1212.571,"endTime":1213.501,"body":"Do or do not."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1213.591,"endTime":1214.701,"body":"There is no try."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1214.701,"endTime":1218.551,"body":"yes, I'd dispute that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1214.701,"endTime":1218.551,"body":"because you can try to do"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1218.551,"endTime":1222.001,"body":"all sorts of things and it"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1218.551,"endTime":1222.001,"body":"works or it doesn't work, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1222.001,"endTime":1223.8909999999998,"body":"you've still tried anyway."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1224.335,"endTime":1227.485,"body":"But when people are constantly"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1224.335,"endTime":1227.485,"body":"told, for example, I, I know"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1227.485,"endTime":1231.3819999999998,"body":"of somebody who throughout"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1227.485,"endTime":1231.3819999999998,"body":"school the reports said"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1231.463,"endTime":1237.0539999999999,"body":"X should try harder, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1231.463,"endTime":1237.0539999999999,"body":"X was trying their best"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1237.234,"endTime":1240.744,"body":"all the time that there"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1237.234,"endTime":1240.744,"body":"was undiagnosed dyslexia"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1240.744,"endTime":1244.761,"body":"going on, and this person"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1240.744,"endTime":1244.761,"body":"was trying, trying, trying"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1245.511,"endTime":1247.491,"body":"and not getting anywhere."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1248.181,"endTime":1251.1209999999999,"body":"But they are still, they're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1248.181,"endTime":1251.1209999999999,"body":"doing absolutely fine, but"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1251.1209999999999,"endTime":1255.571,"body":"they are still really a trier"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1251.1209999999999,"endTime":1255.571,"body":"because that's part of their"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1255.571,"endTime":1257.731,"body":"DNA almost is I've got to try"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1258.431,"endTime":1258.8509999999999,"body":"Mm."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1259.551,"endTime":1261.831,"body":"Because of the comparisons"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1259.551,"endTime":1261.831,"body":"they did when they were young."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1262.416,"endTime":1264.426,"body":"That saw that, well,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1262.416,"endTime":1264.426,"body":"everybody else seems to be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1264.966,"endTime":1268.326,"body":"finding life or this subject"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1264.966,"endTime":1268.326,"body":"or this topic quite easy."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1268.926,"endTime":1271.326,"body":"I'd better try harder so"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1268.926,"endTime":1271.326,"body":"I can keep up with them."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1271.416,"endTime":1273.066,"body":"And they just had a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1271.416,"endTime":1273.066,"body":"different learning style"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1273.096,"endTime":1273.2359999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1273.886,"endTime":1278.056,"body":"So the try hard can"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1273.886,"endTime":1278.056,"body":"definitely be problematic."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1278.056,"endTime":1282.166,"body":"But also, again, on that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1278.056,"endTime":1282.166,"body":"talking about balance"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1282.412,"endTime":1285.012,"body":"I suggested the Sedona"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1282.412,"endTime":1285.012,"body":"technique which we"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1285.432,"endTime":1287.682,"body":"covered ages ago on this."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1288.089,"endTime":1291.33,"body":"Well I suggested that to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1288.089,"endTime":1291.33,"body":"a client and they came"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1291.33,"endTime":1293.9099999999999,"body":"back the next week and"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1291.33,"endTime":1293.9099999999999,"body":"said, I, I tried that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1293.9099999999999,"endTime":1294.57,"body":"It didn't work."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1295.26,"endTime":1297.1499999999999,"body":"I said, how many"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1295.26,"endTime":1297.1499999999999,"body":"times did you do it?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1297.8999999999999,"endTime":1298.8999999999999,"body":"I just did it once."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1299.25,"endTime":1302.1299999999999,"body":"Well, how, how many things"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1299.25,"endTime":1302.1299999999999,"body":"you have ever learned in"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1302.1299999999999,"endTime":1304.5,"body":"your life do you learn"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1302.1299999999999,"endTime":1304.5,"body":"after doing it once?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1304.84,"endTime":1308.24,"body":"And some people"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1304.84,"endTime":1308.24,"body":"have this, this schema of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1308.3719999999998,"endTime":1310.442,"body":"if something doesn't work,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1308.3719999999998,"endTime":1310.442,"body":"first time, I just give up."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1310.972,"endTime":1314.4089999999999,"body":"I remember when my wife bought"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1310.972,"endTime":1314.4089999999999,"body":"some hair straighteners, some"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1314.4089999999999,"endTime":1316.989,"body":"ceramic hair straighteners,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1314.4089999999999,"endTime":1316.989,"body":"this was probably 20"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1316.989,"endTime":1318.999,"body":"years ago, but she bought"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1316.989,"endTime":1318.999,"body":"these hair straighteners"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1319.749,"endTime":1322.539,"body":"and somebody complimented"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1319.749,"endTime":1322.539,"body":"her hair and said, oh"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1322.539,"endTime":1323.559,"body":"wow, that looks amazing."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1324.009,"endTime":1325.809,"body":"She said, oh yeah, I spend"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1324.009,"endTime":1325.809,"body":"a bit of time in the morning"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1325.8139999999999,"endTime":1328.029,"body":"just straightening it with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1325.8139999999999,"endTime":1328.029,"body":"these ceramic straighteners"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1328.509,"endTime":1330.3139999999999,"body":"and this lady said, I'm"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1328.509,"endTime":1330.3139999999999,"body":"gonna get some of those."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1331.154,"endTime":1333.489,"body":"Came in to work a week"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1331.154,"endTime":1333.489,"body":"later and, and hair was"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1333.489,"endTime":1335.9489999999998,"body":"all frizzy and just as"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1333.489,"endTime":1335.9489999999998,"body":"curly as it normally is,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1335.9489999999998,"endTime":1337.899,"body":"and went those, those hair"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1335.9489999999998,"endTime":1337.899,"body":"straighteners didn't work."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1338.539,"endTime":1341.6799999999998,"body":"My wife said Well, are"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1338.539,"endTime":1341.6799999999998,"body":"you sure they were on?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1341.77,"endTime":1342.01,"body":"Oh yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1342.01,"endTime":1343.0,"body":"They were definitely hot."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1343.7,"endTime":1346.233,"body":"And my wife said, well,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1343.7,"endTime":1346.233,"body":"I know they work and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1346.293,"endTime":1347.643,"body":"show me how you did it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1348.385,"endTime":1352.0729999999999,"body":"And literally all she did is"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1348.385,"endTime":1352.0729999999999,"body":"just combed her hair with,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1352.0729999999999,"endTime":1352.913,"body":"with the straighteners."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1353.3029999999999,"endTime":1354.143,"body":"Just very quickly."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1354.5929999999998,"endTime":1355.763,"body":"Took her five seconds."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1355.763,"endTime":1357.8529999999998,"body":"As if she was just brushing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1355.763,"endTime":1357.8529999999998,"body":"her hair with the straightners"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1358.283,"endTime":1361.703,"body":"and said, look it, I did that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1358.283,"endTime":1361.703,"body":"and it's still just as curly."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1361.7079999999999,"endTime":1362.5729999999999,"body":"My wife went, Ah, no."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1362.5729999999999,"endTime":1364.0,"body":"You've gotta spend a"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1362.5729999999999,"endTime":1364.0,"body":"bit more time on it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1364.0,"endTime":1364.33,"body":"That's all."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1364.33,"endTime":1365.1399999999999,"body":"Just go slower."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1365.35,"endTime":1366.37,"body":"Just go slower with it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1367.07,"endTime":1370.06,"body":"Because she didn't know,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1367.07,"endTime":1370.06,"body":"even though it sounds"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1370.175,"endTime":1371.165,"body":"like common sense."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1371.865,"endTime":1374.895,"body":"But it's not common sense"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1371.865,"endTime":1374.895,"body":"unless somebody shows you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1374.895,"endTime":1377.445,"body":"You don't know what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1374.895,"endTime":1377.445,"body":"you don't know."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1378.225,"endTime":1379.7849999999999,"body":"And it's okay to go, I dunno."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1380.0549999999998,"endTime":1381.825,"body":"And learn from others."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1382.5249999999999,"endTime":1382.885,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1383.389,"endTime":1384.589,"body":"And that's what these"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1383.389,"endTime":1384.589,"body":"episodes are about."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1384.589,"endTime":1385.239,"body":"That's why we're here"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1385.509,"endTime":1387.119,"body":"yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1387.658,"endTime":1389.6879999999999,"body":"And then the final one."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1390.278,"endTime":1392.758,"body":"On this is Be perfect."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1393.274,"endTime":1396.154,"body":"Well, I don't think there's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1393.274,"endTime":1396.154,"body":"much of a balance on that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1396.1589999999999,"endTime":1397.384,"body":"one is the really, because."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1398.134,"endTime":1401.491,"body":"And it does tie in of course,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1398.134,"endTime":1401.491,"body":"cuz you be perfect without,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1401.6409999999998,"endTime":1404.441,"body":"well you perfect, but you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1401.6409999999998,"endTime":1404.441,"body":"can't aim for perfection"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1404.441,"endTime":1407.591,"body":"without trying hard, without"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1404.441,"endTime":1407.591,"body":"working hard, etcetera."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1407.591,"endTime":1410.473,"body":"And what's perfect"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1407.591,"endTime":1410.473,"body":"anyway, I mean, who"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1410.473,"endTime":1411.998,"body":"defines what perfect is"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1412.186,"endTime":1413.682,"body":"there's no such thing"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1413.827,"endTime":1416.397,"body":"I often use, um,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1413.827,"endTime":1416.397,"body":"examples from sport when I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1416.402,"endTime":1418.047,"body":"work with perfectionists."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1418.254,"endTime":1419.604,"body":"Say take a golfer?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1420.1979999999999,"endTime":1423.0529999999999,"body":"You'd think that getting a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1420.1979999999999,"endTime":1423.0529999999999,"body":"hole in one would be perfect."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1423.4879999999998,"endTime":1427.2179999999998,"body":"But even then, they  say,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1423.4879999999998,"endTime":1427.2179999999998,"body":"oh, actually something"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1427.2179999999998,"endTime":1429.588,"body":"wasn't quite right with"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1427.2179999999998,"endTime":1429.588,"body":"the way that it went, or"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1429.588,"endTime":1430.9679999999998,"body":"there was luck involved, or"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1431.127,"endTime":1432.5069999999998,"body":"mm The wind"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1431.127,"endTime":1432.5069999999998,"body":"was just, just blew."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1432.537,"endTime":1433.347,"body":"I actually sent"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1433.347,"endTime":1433.527,"body":"it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1434.177,"endTime":1435.147,"body":"slightly wrong and the wind"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1435.24,"endTime":1437.857,"body":"golfers, most golfers"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1435.24,"endTime":1437.857,"body":"never get a hole in one."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1437.962,"endTime":1440.733,"body":"but those, those, professional"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1437.962,"endTime":1440.733,"body":"golfers might have had,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1441.003,"endTime":1444.3029999999999,"body":"might have several in their"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1441.003,"endTime":1444.3029999999999,"body":"careers, but that's how"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1444.3029999999999,"endTime":1445.533,"body":"often you get perfection."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1446.406,"endTime":1447.696,"body":"And also"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1446.406,"endTime":1447.696,"body":"that they play"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1447.696,"endTime":1448.176,"body":"a lot more"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1449.492,"endTime":1449.6419999999998,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1450.087,"endTime":1451.437,"body":"they"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1450.087,"endTime":1451.437,"body":"increase the chances"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1452.1219999999998,"endTime":1455.097,"body":"And then in gymnastics"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1452.1219999999998,"endTime":1455.097,"body":"and ice skating, when people"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1455.097,"endTime":1458.607,"body":"started getting perfect marks,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1455.097,"endTime":1458.607,"body":"they changed the marking"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1458.6119999999999,"endTime":1461.7269999999999,"body":"scheme because they recognized"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1458.6119999999999,"endTime":1461.7269999999999,"body":"that even though it was"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1461.7269999999999,"endTime":1463.197,"body":"perfect, it wasn't perfect,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1463.947,"endTime":1465.6119999999999,"body":"cuz there's always"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1463.947,"endTime":1465.6119999999999,"body":"something you can do better."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1465.782,"endTime":1470.0169999999998,"body":"If you look at the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1465.782,"endTime":1470.0169999999998,"body":"videos of what won Gold 40"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1470.0169999999998,"endTime":1473.317,"body":"years ago and compare it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1470.0169999999998,"endTime":1473.317,"body":"to what wins gold now, it"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1473.317,"endTime":1475.2669999999998,"body":"is drastically different."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1476.935,"endTime":1478.405,"body":"I mean, some of"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1476.935,"endTime":1478.405,"body":"that's the equipment"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1478.471,"endTime":1478.866,"body":"yeah it is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1478.8709999999999,"endTime":1480.126,"body":"Some of it is the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1478.8709999999999,"endTime":1480.126,"body":"equipment, yes."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1480.186,"endTime":1481.686,"body":"But there's also the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1482.099,"endTime":1485.639,"body":"That could be me approach"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1482.099,"endTime":1485.639,"body":"of somebody watching"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1485.639,"endTime":1488.249,"body":"somebody do something and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1485.639,"endTime":1488.249,"body":"go, oh, I'm gonna try that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1488.249,"endTime":1489.389,"body":"And it just lifts the bar."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1489.389,"endTime":1490.739,"body":"Just raises the bar."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1491.039,"endTime":1494.6689999999999,"body":"There will be a limit to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1491.039,"endTime":1494.6689999999999,"body":"what a human can do, and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1494.839,"endTime":1499.616,"body":"I, I think it's fine to,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1494.839,"endTime":1499.616,"body":"to wonder Can I do better?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1500.316,"endTime":1500.946,"body":"Well, it depends."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1500.946,"endTime":1502.926,"body":"Depends how you define"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1500.946,"endTime":1502.926,"body":"better, doesn't it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1503.8709999999999,"endTime":1506.231,"body":"And it's okay sometimes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1503.8709999999999,"endTime":1506.231,"body":"to go, no, this is"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1506.241,"endTime":1506.421,"body":"good"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1506.451,"endTime":1506.841,"body":"enough."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1507.481,"endTime":1510.181,"body":"So I think with, with"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1507.481,"endTime":1510.181,"body":"this one, anybody who, who"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1510.421,"endTime":1513.301,"body":"gets a high score on that one"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1510.421,"endTime":1513.301,"body":"or is immediately relating"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1513.301,"endTime":1515.431,"body":"to it, that's something"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1513.301,"endTime":1515.431,"body":"to really think about."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1515.628,"endTime":1517.038,"body":"What is this about for you?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1517.038,"endTime":1518.628,"body":"What's it saying about you?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1518.657,"endTime":1520.0069999999998,"body":"What choices do you have?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1520.607,"endTime":1521.677,"body":"Where is it coming from?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1522.077,"endTime":1523.0069999999998,"body":"So there's a lot going"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1523.0069999999998,"endTime":1523.787,"body":"on with these."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1524.597,"endTime":1524.9569999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1525.137,"endTime":1526.187,"body":"There's a lot going on with"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1526.187,"endTime":1527.387,"body":"these drivers."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1528.2569999999998,"endTime":1528.587,"body":"yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1529.577,"endTime":1529.877,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1530.327,"endTime":1533.327,"body":"And then there's another"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1530.327,"endTime":1533.327,"body":"theory within TA that links"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1533.327,"endTime":1536.7469999999998,"body":"in somewhat, which I think"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1533.327,"endTime":1536.7469999999998,"body":"we've got time to go through."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1536.752,"endTime":1538.067,"body":"Have we or do we not?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1538.437,"endTime":1539.5169999999998,"body":"Depends how"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1538.437,"endTime":1539.5169999999998,"body":"much time you want to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1539.5169999999998,"endTime":1540.4769999999999,"body":"spend talking about it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1540.4769999999999,"endTime":1542.067,"body":"Cause we can come back"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1540.4769999999999,"endTime":1542.067,"body":"to this next time."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1542.45,"endTime":1542.57,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1542.575,"endTime":1543.4099999999999,"body":"Should we do that?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1544.0069999999998,"endTime":1544.4569999999999,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1544.687,"endTime":1546.197,"body":"there's quite,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1544.687,"endTime":1546.197,"body":"there's quite a lot there."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1546.197,"endTime":1546.677,"body":"So,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1547.377,"endTime":1549.657,"body":"I think we should"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1547.377,"endTime":1549.657,"body":"come back to it next week."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1550.037,"endTime":1550.337,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1550.337,"endTime":1552.827,"body":"So just to summarize"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1550.337,"endTime":1552.827,"body":"those drivers, again,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1553.4569999999999,"endTime":1555.827,"body":"really encourage you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1553.4569999999999,"endTime":1555.827,"body":"to just Google that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1555.897,"endTime":1560.204,"body":"TA drivers questionnaire"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1555.897,"endTime":1560.204,"body":"and you'll find it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1560.2939999999999,"endTime":1562.874,"body":"And find out where you"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1560.2939999999999,"endTime":1562.874,"body":"are on a scale of one"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1562.874,"endTime":1564.134,"body":"to five, usually be."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1564.704,"endTime":1569.264,"body":"And whether you are driven to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1564.704,"endTime":1569.264,"body":"be perfect, to try hard, to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1569.264,"endTime":1573.254,"body":"work hard, to be strong, to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1569.264,"endTime":1573.254,"body":"hurry up, to please others."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1573.693,"endTime":1575.883,"body":"We talked about balance it's"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1573.693,"endTime":1575.883,"body":"probably being, if it's a"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1576.213,"endTime":1580.233,"body":"five point scale, somewhere"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1576.213,"endTime":1580.233,"body":"about two or three on those"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1580.233,"endTime":1581.5829999999999,"body":"with, with most of these."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1582.013,"endTime":1585.003,"body":"I would be worried if"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1582.013,"endTime":1585.003,"body":"people were a one on please"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1585.008,"endTime":1587.493,"body":"others, for example, or"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1585.008,"endTime":1587.493,"body":"try hard or work hard."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1588.003,"endTime":1591.0629999999999,"body":"This again, as we said,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1588.003,"endTime":1591.0629999999999,"body":"we want some balance."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1591.0629999999999,"endTime":1595.8329999999999,"body":"These are not bad things,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1591.0629999999999,"endTime":1595.8329999999999,"body":"but a five on Be perfect."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1595.895,"endTime":1598.8719999999998,"body":"Well, I was smiling as I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1595.895,"endTime":1598.8719999999998,"body":"said it, but . Need to, need"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1598.8719999999998,"endTime":1600.952,"body":"to be looking at that, if"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1601.012,"endTime":1601.402,"body":"Mm."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1601.6119999999999,"endTime":1604.502,"body":"Yeah, it, it's good to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1601.6119999999999,"endTime":1604.502,"body":"challenge all of these"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1604.502,"endTime":1608.1319999999998,"body":"things, and like we say,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1604.502,"endTime":1608.1319999999998,"body":"look at where it comes from."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1608.462,"endTime":1610.712,"body":"If you've been doing"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1608.462,"endTime":1610.712,"body":"something all your life."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1611.232,"endTime":1614.472,"body":"Who said that was a good"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1611.232,"endTime":1614.472,"body":"idea was that from parents,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1614.502,"endTime":1616.932,"body":"from school teachers."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1617.562,"endTime":1619.714,"body":"We've gotta bear in mind"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1617.562,"endTime":1619.714,"body":"when we are little, when"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1619.714,"endTime":1621.724,"body":"we are very young, up to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1619.714,"endTime":1621.724,"body":"the age of five, we don't"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1621.724,"endTime":1624.214,"body":"really know ourselves yet."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1624.274,"endTime":1627.8139999999999,"body":"We take all of our cues from"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1624.274,"endTime":1627.8139999999999,"body":"those that are around us"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1628.174,"endTime":1630.5539999999999,"body":"and we want to please them."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1631.254,"endTime":1633.3239999999998,"body":"I think it just goes back"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1631.254,"endTime":1633.3239999999998,"body":"to being right at the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1633.3239999999998,"endTime":1634.914,"body":"start, learning to walk."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1634.944,"endTime":1637.524,"body":"I'm not saying it's a bad"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1634.944,"endTime":1637.524,"body":"thing to, to praise your"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1637.524,"endTime":1639.924,"body":"child for working hard"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1637.524,"endTime":1639.924,"body":"and saying, oh, well done."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1640.164,"endTime":1642.744,"body":"But yeah, the simplest of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1640.164,"endTime":1642.744,"body":"things to a child is gonna"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1642.744,"endTime":1645.174,"body":"bring a great big smile"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1642.744,"endTime":1645.174,"body":"to its parents' faces."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1646.014,"endTime":1651.0739999999998,"body":"If for some reason that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1646.014,"endTime":1651.0739999999998,"body":"gets locked in or no,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1651.3139999999999,"endTime":1653.0539999999999,"body":"it's not a problem for"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1651.3139999999999,"endTime":1653.0539999999999,"body":"it to get locked in."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1653.0839999999998,"endTime":1656.364,"body":"I think the issues happen as"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1653.0839999999998,"endTime":1656.364,"body":"the child starts to grow and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1656.3909999999998,"endTime":1659.214,"body":"they're figuring themselves"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1656.3909999999998,"endTime":1659.214,"body":"out, that they don't find"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1659.214,"endTime":1663.234,"body":"that balance of, oh, I like"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1659.214,"endTime":1663.234,"body":"other people to be pleased"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1663.234,"endTime":1665.274,"body":"with me, but I don't need it."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1665.5439999999999,"endTime":1668.0939999999998,"body":"I'm still good enough anyway."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1668.634,"endTime":1670.7189999999998,"body":"And if you don't have the,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1668.634,"endTime":1670.7189999999998,"body":"I'm good enough anyway."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1671.364,"endTime":1676.495,"body":"Mantra as a feeling that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1671.364,"endTime":1676.495,"body":"runs through you, then we are"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1676.5,"endTime":1678.474,"body":"gonna get stuck in the, I just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1676.5,"endTime":1678.474,"body":"need to make sure everybody"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1678.474,"endTime":1682.864,"body":"else is okay and pleased"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1678.474,"endTime":1682.864,"body":"with me approach, which there"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1682.864,"endTime":1685.894,"body":"is not a recipe for success"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1682.864,"endTime":1685.894,"body":"anywhere built around that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1686.5939999999998,"endTime":1688.634,"body":"So just going back"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1686.5939999999998,"endTime":1688.634,"body":"to Heather's question, which"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1688.634,"endTime":1692.5639999999999,"body":"was really, she's identified"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1688.634,"endTime":1692.5639999999999,"body":"what, what her driver"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1692.569,"endTime":1695.5639999999999,"body":"is, although she probably"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1692.569,"endTime":1695.5639999999999,"body":"didn't realize it in that"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1695.5639999999999,"endTime":1698.3239999999998,"body":"context, but she's identified"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1695.5639999999999,"endTime":1698.3239999999998,"body":"what it is and she said,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1698.3239999999998,"endTime":1699.464,"body":"what can she do about it?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1699.884,"endTime":1703.004,"body":"Well, it's, as you say,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1699.884,"endTime":1703.004,"body":"challenge yourself."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1703.724,"endTime":1704.234,"body":"Think"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1704.444,"endTime":1704.5639999999999,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1705.264,"endTime":1706.494,"body":"each situation."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1706.494,"endTime":1707.7839999999999,"body":"Think what?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1707.8439999999998,"endTime":1708.654,"body":"What is this?"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1708.864,"endTime":1709.7939999999999,"body":"What can I do?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1710.644,"endTime":1713.6989999999998,"body":"And it might mean"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1710.644,"endTime":1713.6989999999998,"body":"going back and thinking"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1713.6989999999998,"endTime":1715.649,"body":"about some interactions"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1713.6989999999998,"endTime":1715.649,"body":"you've had with other"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1715.649,"endTime":1717.4489999999998,"body":"people and thinking, well,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1715.649,"endTime":1717.4489999999998,"body":"how could I handle that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1717.4489999999998,"endTime":1718.499,"body":"differently next time?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1719.099,"endTime":1722.279,"body":"Because learning comes from"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1719.099,"endTime":1722.279,"body":"the repetition of these"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1722.279,"endTime":1727.049,"body":"experiences and yes, what"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1722.279,"endTime":1727.049,"body":"might take five minutes to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1727.0539999999999,"endTime":1730.829,"body":"get your head around when you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1727.0539999999999,"endTime":1730.829,"body":"think, what do I want to say?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1730.829,"endTime":1732.809,"body":"How do I want to handle this?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1732.839,"endTime":1734.999,"body":"That is still respectful"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1732.839,"endTime":1734.999,"body":"for both of us here."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1735.749,"endTime":1737.6689999999999,"body":"That might take five minutes"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1735.749,"endTime":1737.6689999999999,"body":"to get your head around."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1738.374,"endTime":1740.2939999999999,"body":"Well, you don't have five"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1738.374,"endTime":1740.2939999999999,"body":"minutes when somebody says,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1740.2939999999999,"endTime":1743.3239999999998,"body":"can you babysit for me"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1740.2939999999999,"endTime":1743.3239999999998,"body":"tomorrow night or tonight?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1743.3239999999998,"endTime":1743.714,"body":"Or, what are"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1743.779,"endTime":1743.9389999999999,"body":"are"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1743.9389999999999,"endTime":1743.9399999999998,"body":"you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1743.945,"endTime":1744.445,"body":"doing later?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1745.254,"endTime":1747.744,"body":"Eventually though that five"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1745.254,"endTime":1747.744,"body":"minutes of conversation with"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1747.744,"endTime":1750.894,"body":"yourself that says, how do I"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1747.744,"endTime":1750.894,"body":"best handle this respectfully?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1751.0439999999999,"endTime":1753.144,"body":"Turns into four minutes,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1751.0439999999999,"endTime":1753.144,"body":"turns into three minutes,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1753.149,"endTime":1753.954,"body":"two minutes, one minute"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1753.989,"endTime":1755.1689999999999,"body":"turns into an instant"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1755.944,"endTime":1757.864,"body":"unconscious"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1755.944,"endTime":1757.864,"body":"process that is just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1758.3339999999998,"endTime":1759.244,"body":"instinctive for you."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1759.934,"endTime":1762.634,"body":"But that takes repetition, but"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1759.934,"endTime":1762.634,"body":"it doesn't always have to be"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1762.634,"endTime":1763.954,"body":"repetition in the real world."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1764.3139999999999,"endTime":1767.0439999999999,"body":"You've had these experiences"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1764.3139999999999,"endTime":1767.0439999999999,"body":"in the past, think about them"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1767.0439999999999,"endTime":1768.874,"body":"and think about how you would"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1767.0439999999999,"endTime":1768.874,"body":"handle them differently."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1768.874,"endTime":1770.964,"body":"We do this  as"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1768.874,"endTime":1770.964,"body":"therapists all the time."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1771.264,"endTime":1775.404,"body":"Ask our clients to go back"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1771.264,"endTime":1775.404,"body":"and, and re-experience"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1775.704,"endTime":1778.944,"body":"an event, but handling"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1775.704,"endTime":1778.944,"body":"it in a different way the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1778.9489999999998,"endTime":1780.0539999999999,"body":"way that they want to."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1780.744,"endTime":1782.934,"body":"So that when they go and do"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1780.744,"endTime":1782.934,"body":"it for real, the brain says,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1782.9489999999998,"endTime":1783.039,"body":"oh,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1783.354,"endTime":1783.894,"body":"familiar."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1784.5939999999998,"endTime":1787.0539999999999,"body":"And it leads them in a,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1784.5939999999998,"endTime":1787.0539999999999,"body":"nudges them in a slightly"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1787.0539999999999,"endTime":1788.0739999999998,"body":"different direction."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1788.809,"endTime":1789.559,"body":"That can be done."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1789.6789999999999,"endTime":1791.629,"body":"That can be done just"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1789.6789999999999,"endTime":1791.629,"body":"going to bed, closing your"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1791.629,"endTime":1793.549,"body":"eyes, and staring at the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1791.629,"endTime":1793.549,"body":"ceiling and daydreaming."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1794.059,"endTime":1796.039,"body":"That might be all you"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1794.059,"endTime":1796.039,"body":"need to do sometimes,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1796.039,"endTime":1798.4389999999999,"body":"let alone put it into"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1796.039,"endTime":1798.4389999999999,"body":"practice in the real world."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1799.039,"endTime":1801.1989999999998,"body":"So there's lots you can"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1799.039,"endTime":1801.1989999999998,"body":"do, but it means doing it."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1801.899,"endTime":1802.4689999999998,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1802.4689999999998,"endTime":1804.329,"body":"And going back to what I"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1802.4689999999998,"endTime":1804.329,"body":"was saying about the Sedona"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1804.329,"endTime":1807.7189999999998,"body":"method, you can practice"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1804.329,"endTime":1807.7189999999998,"body":"that or anything like that."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1807.839,"endTime":1810.269,"body":"Just keep practicing,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1807.839,"endTime":1810.269,"body":"practicing, practicing."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1810.269,"endTime":1811.9189999999999,"body":"It doesn't have to be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1810.269,"endTime":1811.9189999999999,"body":"on anything particular,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1812.4289999999999,"endTime":1813.4189999999999,"body":"just practice."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1813.879,"endTime":1816.1,"body":"So it, it all ties"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1813.879,"endTime":1816.1,"body":"together that you."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1816.292,"endTime":1817.567,"body":"learn, a different"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1816.292,"endTime":1817.567,"body":"way of being."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1818.2669999999998,"endTime":1821.5069999999998,"body":"And you can always say to"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1818.2669999999998,"endTime":1821.5069999999998,"body":"somebody, you know, I really,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1821.5069999999998,"endTime":1824.297,"body":"really don't want to be"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1821.5069999999998,"endTime":1824.297,"body":"for you to be disappointed"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1824.302,"endTime":1828.9569999999999,"body":"in me, but on this"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1824.302,"endTime":1828.9569999999999,"body":"occasion I need to say no."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1829.657,"endTime":1834.2469999999998,"body":"And they're very, very likely,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1829.657,"endTime":1834.2469999999998,"body":"hopefully very likely to say,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1834.4569999999999,"endTime":1836.0169999999998,"body":"oh, completely understand."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1836.0169999999998,"endTime":1837.9669999999999,"body":"Yes, yes, you're"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1836.0169999999998,"endTime":1837.9669999999999,"body":"right to do that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1838.667,"endTime":1838.9969999999998,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1839.117,"endTime":1841.937,"body":"And possibly if you don't"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1839.117,"endTime":1841.937,"body":"have friends with that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1841.937,"endTime":1843.947,"body":"level of respect for you,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1841.937,"endTime":1843.947,"body":"you might need new friends."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1844.647,"endTime":1847.137,"body":"As a therapist, I try to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1844.647,"endTime":1847.137,"body":"look inside the minds of"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1847.137,"endTime":1849.117,"body":"their friends and go, well,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1847.137,"endTime":1849.117,"body":"they seem to have some"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1849.117,"endTime":1850.2269999999999,"body":"insecurities going on there."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1850.2269999999999,"endTime":1851.337,"body":"This is more about them."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1851.7569999999998,"endTime":1854.2849999999999,"body":"But I dunno how many times"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1851.7569999999998,"endTime":1854.2849999999999,"body":"you can keep doing that"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1854.2849999999999,"endTime":1855.5449999999998,"body":"before people become toxic."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1855.5449999999998,"endTime":1859.245,"body":"But that's, that's different"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1855.5449999999998,"endTime":1859.245,"body":"for every individual"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1859.395,"endTime":1860.445,"body":"circumstance, isn't it?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1860.445,"endTime":1861.2549999999999,"body":"Absolutely is."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1862.0049999999999,"endTime":1864.225,"body":"Well, hey, Fiona, we've"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1862.0049999999999,"endTime":1864.225,"body":"nattered some what haven't we,"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1864.48,"endTime":1865.1699999999998,"body":"we have indeed."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1865.87,"endTime":1866.3799999999999,"body":"Yes,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1866.3799999999999,"endTime":1867.95,"body":"and we've definitely"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1866.3799999999999,"endTime":1867.95,"body":"got more to natter about,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1867.97,"endTime":1869.35,"body":"about this, so I think"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1867.97,"endTime":1869.35,"body":"we're gonna return to"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1869.35,"endTime":1870.365,"body":"this topic next week."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1870.74,"endTime":1874.1,"body":"Yes, we can move on"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1870.74,"endTime":1874.1,"body":"a slightly different theme"},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1874.1,"endTime":1875.78,"body":"from within TA that links in."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1875.84,"endTime":1876.77,"body":"So let's do that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1876.8799999999999,"endTime":1877.78,"body":"We shall do that."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1877.78,"endTime":1878.77,"body":"We shall revisit this."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1879.22,"endTime":1882.82,"body":"All right then You beautiful"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1879.22,"endTime":1882.82,"body":"people have a a lovely week."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1882.85,"endTime":1884.83,"body":"If you need anything,"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1882.85,"endTime":1884.83,"body":"you know where we are."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1884.83,"endTime":1887.23,"body":"There's a link in the"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1884.83,"endTime":1887.23,"body":"show notes to a form on"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1887.235,"endTime":1889.4199999999998,"body":"the website where you can"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1887.235,"endTime":1889.4199999999998,"body":"submit some questions."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1889.6599999999999,"endTime":1892.6699999999998,"body":"Fire away at us and"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1889.6599999999999,"endTime":1892.6699999999998,"body":"we will natter natter"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1892.6899999999998,"endTime":1894.1,"body":"and natter some more."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1894.37,"endTime":1894.9099999999999,"body":"Okay?"},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1895.1799999999998,"endTime":1896.3,"body":"Have a super week everyone."},{"speaker":"Richard","startTime":1896.73,"endTime":1897.6399999999999,"body":"Take care all."},{"speaker":"Fiona","startTime":1897.695,"endTime":1898.115,"body":"Bye."}]}