No is a complete sentence

A single word can change a life. When Andi’s nonstop yeses ended in cardiac arrest, she rebuilt her world around a different answer—one that protected her health, restored her energy, and revealed who was truly in her corner. We open up about the art of saying no as a complete sentence, why urgency is often self-created, and how to educate loved ones about the real recovery costs of “just a quick outing.”

Together, we break down practical scripts for declining invitations without guilt, how to suggest low-impact alternatives, and the mindset shift that turns boundaries into care rather than conflict. Andi shares the hardest boundary she set—saying no to herself—after realizing that acts of service had become a shield against discomfort. We explore how to read your body’s signals, differentiate a fear-based no from a self-protective no, and recognize when a relationship can’t tolerate your limits. If you live with chronic illness, sensory sensitivities, or burnout, you’ll hear a blueprint for pacing, planning, and protecting recovery time.

We also dig into self-trust: why people-pleasing feels safe until it drains you, and how confidence grows from repeated, calm nos before you hit the wall. You’ll learn how to exit one-way dynamics, set early boundaries to prevent flares, and build a support circle that adjusts the plan instead of pressuring the performance. Andi points to free resources, masterclasses, and workbooks to help you practice scripts, own your story, and become proudly rooted in your truth.

Press play for grounded advice, clear language, and real examples you can use today. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the next no you’re committing to this week.

Keep your spoons close and support system closer.

Chapters

• 0:16 Setting The Stage: The Hot Seat
• 1:02 The Day Yes Became Dangerous
• 2:11 How To Say No Without Guilt
• 4:49 The Hardest No: Saying No To Self
• 6:39 Fear No Or Self-Protection No
• 10:47 Listening To Your Body’s Signals
• 13:50 Choosing Peace Over Performative Yeses
• 17:29 Do It Scared: Boundaries After Diagnosis

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:08

Welcome back to my Spoony Sisters. How are you both today? I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_01: 0:14

Also doing good.

SPEAKER_02: 0:15

We are putting Andy in the hot seat today, and I'm thrilled about this topic because Andy is stunning at Do you agree, Lynnea?

SPEAKER_00: 0:25

I would, I would definitely agree because she has mastered what we are going to talk about. So I think it's great that we're putting her in the hot seat today. And we are going to do popcorn style questions. Jen and I are going to go back and forth asking Andy different scenarios on the art of saying no. Are you ready, Jim?

SPEAKER_02: 0:44

I'm ready. I know this is something that I've struggled with. You've struggled with it too. Andy is the queen of this is how I'm going to say now. So let's jump right in. I've got my first question for you. Can you describe the moment that you realized that your previous way of saying yes to everything was a direct threat to your health?

SPEAKER_01: 1:06

Too easy. March 10th, 2020. Cardiac arrest. Bam. I died because my favorite word was yes. Change for me that day. No became a complete sentence. Noah slowed you down. Death will slow you down. The constant hamster will of I can, I will, I got it, I'll do, leads to burnout. And burnout will sit you down before you'll sit yourself down. That was my turning point, March 10th, 2020. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34

That's pretty. I mean, in a way, it's kind of cool that you re have that date because you can refer back to it and go, this is why I do what I do. This is why I say no.

SPEAKER_01: 1:44

I was literally rushing to go do something that I can't even remember what it was that I was going to do. Five years later, have no idea what I was rushing to go do, but it was super important, then I died. Recovery. I still don't remember what it was that was so important that I was rushing to go do.

SPEAKER_02: 2:03

I think that's a good point that you're bringing up because we're always in the rush to do the things. And sometimes these things that we're in in such a hurry to tackle, they don't matter.

SPEAKER_01: 2:14

They don't It's only an emergency to us. And it's only an emergency to us because we made it an emergency, not because it's legitimately an emergency. It is an emergency to us because we feel like we need to be busy doing. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 2:26

Yep. So my question for you is how do you tell somebody no, somebody in your life that you're exhausted or you're flaring, but they're pressuring you to go out because it'll make you feel better. You've been stuck inside for too long. You need to get out more. How do you how do you s tell somebody no in that situation?

SPEAKER_01: 2:47

Because we know what happens I like to paint them my accurate picture, right? And sometimes sometimes people don't want to hear the accurate picture, but I do paint them the accurate picture. I understand you would love for me to go do XYZ. And I would love to physically be able to do that with you if on the back end of that it was not gonna mean that I cannot live life for the next couple weeks because I did this with you for some hours. It becomes an education moment. Let me tell you how my body responds to this. I can't do it. And it's not that I don't want to do things like that. I would love to do it, but I gotta pace myself when I do it. I can't do last minute things. I really do need to plan how I go out and do things. The more I have those conversations, the easier my no was received. And then to my no was countered, hey, we have this low impact thing or this thing that's not gonna overstimulate you. You want to go do this with us? Sure. But we isolate ourselves when we don't allow people to be part of what's going on in our lives. We put on this really strong, I got it, I can do it. This is just my life, it's my cross to bear, I don't need any help kind of face. When they're trying to show up, so if we never acknowledge, I really do need help, I really can't do these things right now, this really will sit me down. If we never acknowledge that for our own sake, they'll continue to invite us to things we can't partake in, and then we'll continue to feel isolated on the back end, and they'll continue to receive the no as they just don't want to do. It's not that I don't want to do, it's that physically my body is not gonna recover the same. So I don't do it in a mean way. I can't do that, guys. Physically, my body's not gonna recover the same. So I love that, and I'll go and hold purses or whatever, but I can't physically do that with you and be okay next week.

SPEAKER_02: 4:41

What was the most difficult relationship or request to say no to initially? And what strategies did you use to manage that specific challenge?

SPEAKER_01: 4:51

The hardest no I ever had to tell was to myself. It was literally to me. No, you cannot keep doing all of these things. Although I physically could do those things, the hardest no I ever said was to myself. No, sit down. Sit down. No, that's not for you. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. When I sat with me to figure out why my answer was yes to everything, right? It was literally because I needed to be busy. If I wasn't busy, it forced me to sit with all of the things that I was unhappy with in my actual life. So my yeses were me using it as a distraction. Is my love language act of service? Yes. But was my love language active service and avoidance for my own things through act of service? Yes. And so for me, the hardest no I ever said was I cannot do this act of service because I know that I'm using it as a reason to not deal with my shit. When it became no, I can't because I have to deal with me. It was the hardest no I ever said. I know that they need something and I know that my act of service will help, but I can't because my focus has to be on me. And right now that may seem very selfish because I used to always help, but sometimes the helper needs help too, and I'm exhausted, and I need to take a knee for me, or I won't be able to continue to help you. And that's how I started to explain it. I have to say no to you right now. If I want to continue to be able to say yes down the road, I have to say no right now because my body needs something, and I have to listen to what my body is saying.

SPEAKER_00: 6:32

So, how can someone tell the difference between no-rooted in fear of saying no to somebody because you might hurt them? Or versus a no-rooted in self-protection?

SPEAKER_01: 6:45

Your body reacts. Can you explain it? If you can confidently say no, yes. So a safe no, you can say in conversation, no, I don't want to do that. No, I can't. And you don't feel a change in your body temperature. You don't feel anxious inside, you don't feel nauseated or your body feel icky, but you can't explain it. You're you're sitting on edge because you're afraid that your no is gonna be met with debate or response, and you're not ready or willing to have the conversation that comes after the no. Fun fact, no is a complete sentence, and you don't have to have the conversation that comes after your no. You don't. So it took me a while to realize that I don't owe you anything outside of an answer. And if you asked me a question and I gave you a direct answer and no is that direct answer, just as my yes was a direct answer. If my yes was received by you and you're skipping because I said yes, but you feel some sort of way that that exact same complete sentence, only the no variant of it, you feel some sort of way that I said no. You don't like that I try to prioritize me right now, and that makes me feel some sort of way. You can't hear no, and that makes me feel some sort of way. So I do choose me. If you can't hear my no and not take it personal, I gotta put some some distance in between you and I. Because I'm trying to protect me while I'm healing, and I'm trying to make sure that the best version of me is what you get when I say yes, and I can't be the best version of me if I say yes to everything.

SPEAKER_00: 8:17

That is such a difficult thing to go through. As someone going through healing and on the other side of healing, I still struggle with that part. So I'm glad you elaborated more for our listeners to understand it better.

SPEAKER_01: 8:31

Your body tells you. Your body tells you before you enter a conversation whether or not that's about to be a safe conversation for you. When I started listening to my body's signs before I started having conversations, it became, are you about to am I already spun up before I talk to you? It means I don't need to talk to you. Then I started to think, has it always been like this? Have I always felt like this when I talk to you, but I'm calmer when I talk to someone else? I start putting distance between me and people that were spinning me up before I even picked up my phone. Why do I feel this way? Have I ever been able to have a conversation with you that was safe? Or did I have a conversation with you where we spent an hour one upping sad, but nothing ever had resolve or support? I started to see what type of relationships I had, where are you actually adjusting my crown or are we sharing sad and staying sad? So my no became my no because I had to heal. My heart was breaking, was broken because I broke it. I broke it with all my yeses when my body was telling me no, when my mind was telling me no, when my emotions were like, no, no, no, this is not safe. My mouth said yes, my actions said yes, and I spiraled in that hamster will of yes. And then I didn't know me. I lost me in the hamster will of yes, I can do, yes, I can go, sure, I'll be. I was everybody, everything to everybody except for me, that I didn't know how to be with me when my answer started being no, and things started getting really quiet. I didn't know how to sit with me in my no.

SPEAKER_02: 10:11

There is so much freedom in that.

SPEAKER_01: 10:14

There's so much peace in that. There's so much peace in a simple I can't from a place of concern for you, genuine concern and nurture. Now I'm gonna pass on that. I choose me today, I can't. Maybe next week I'll choose anything other than, but right now I choose me because I need to. And it's not that I never needed to, I always needed to, now though I'm listening, so that I can continue to be there for you and be the best version of me for you while we're out doing the things. I have to tell you no, and I need you to understand that my no is not slathered in malice, but it is protecting my body so that I can continue to be the best me for you. I lost a lot of friends when my answer became no, and it did hurt at first, but then I realized you can't handle everything that comes with me, and I would much rather have you present because you can handle everything that comes with me versus you just be present for the fun moments because I have more of the everything that comes with me moments than I have the fun energy high peppy moments. So I let them leave. I'm not gonna chase you. I'm not gonna beg you to be the support that I need. My nose became more frequent. I stopped saying yes to the people that were not saying yes to me voluntarily. I stopped chasing the relationships that weren't chasing me. I was exhausted from saying yes and pouring into dynamics that were not reciprocal in any way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_02: 11:50

What is one piece of advice you would give to someone who's received a similar life challenging health diagnosis about immediately setting these new boundaries?

SPEAKER_01: 12:01

Do it now. Do it afraid, do it when nobody's watching, but do it. All of the things that you are scared to do, scared to try, the things that you think are stupid, that nobody will believe. We don't always have tomorrow, but we live like tomorrow is a given, right? The day that no changed my life. The day I chose me, and and I chose no is a complete sentence. And I started doing all of the things that I was afraid of, all of the things that I was waiting to do with people if they wanted to do it with me. Do it scared. I was terrified. Take the leap, take the leap in the dark, do the thing, say yes to you. Do it scared, but do it. So then you never say, I wish I would have. And you can never say they took that from me. But your what is yours is yours. What's for you, it won't pass you, but do it. And it doesn't always have to be I did it so I could tell the world. Do it because you want it to do it.

SPEAKER_00: 13:01

What role does self-trust play in being able to confidently set boundaries and say no?

SPEAKER_01: 13:08

Um, I love that. It plays a lot, it's a huge role. So we say yes to everything because we don't trust ourselves to say no, and we don't trust ourselves to respond to whatever adversity comes with our no, right? And so we say yes to everything because we're people pleasers, and that that is our way of being Switzerland. You can't be mad at me because I said yes, right? Except for when you're exhausted and you physically can't say yes, people show themselves that face value. So how dare you not say yes to me this time, right? You become the beck and call, you know, Barbara's of sure, I'll do it. You always say yes, you always say yes. Okay. So who cares for the carer? If you always say yes, who cares for the carer? Who fills the carer's cup? If the carer is always pouring? When you look at it that way, if the carer goes down and the carer can no longer be do go for everybody and everything, who then fills your cup? Who cares for you? It has to start with you. It can't start with anybody else but you. So the first no that you ever say is because you finally said yes to you. The first time you say no with no fear, it's because you finally chose you. And it is so empowering to stand in that no from a space of it's because I deserve better. And you know it. No, I can't because I deserve better. Better of me physically, better of me mentally, not better from you. I deserve better of me. The only person taking care of me in this skin suit, responsible for taking care of me, is me. Everybody else aids it, but the person that's responsible for taking care of this skin suit is me. And I live here rent-free. I pay in doctor's appointments and medications and co-pays and all of those things. I am responsible for taking care of me. And the things that are within my control is the stressors that I pick up, the relationship dynamics I continue to let go that may be triggering me or spiraling me. I can I can control those elements. So I manage my stress. I watch the dynamics I'm in. I stop saying yes to everything because I know exhaustion is real. I know my signs of burnout. I start saying no early so I don't hit my signs of burnout. And then if I need to have a conversation about I don't feel like this relationship is reciprocal, I feel like this dynamic has shifted in its one way. If you can't hear me say, I think this dynamic has shifted in a way that is no longer equal, you're not willing to compromise, and that's okay, I'll exit because I'm not going to do the power struggle where I'm losing me while you find you. My recovery will always be first. I can't help others heal if I don't prioritize making sure I stay the most healed version of me.

SPEAKER_00: 16:10

I think you might have resources out there that might help too. How can somebody rebuild confidence after being a yes person and not feel for so long and they're burning out now?

SPEAKER_01: 16:23

I have a lot of places for you to start, and I have a lot of free resources for you to start at. On my website, chronic and iconic coaching.com, there's a whole tab that has previous master classes that are free. I have books, Chronically Stressed, Redefining Fine, Finding Peace, Trauma Bonded, doing master classes, step out of your storm to teach you how to do boundaries for you. Not because boundaries are walls or because you're trying to punish people, but literally because boundaries is what helps you thrive. It is what keeps you aligned to the things that help you grow and trend in the in the positive direction is for you to be able to stand firmly in your no, but also proudly rooted in your truth. And that's a real thing. We have a problem saying no when we are not proudly rooted and anchored in what our truth is. Own your story. It's because we say no or yes to everything because people victimize our stories and then they use it against us. Own your story. I get it. I'm blind, I'm deaf, I got all kinds of invisible things going on. This body does phenomenal things, and I chose me because for a lot of years I didn't choose me. I chose everybody else and struggled with me, and I fought to find her. Choose you so you can find you and love you. You get one chance to do this most of the time. One opportunity to do you bet the best way, like literally to treat you the best way possible. We forget that and we depend on others to treat us this way. People love us based off of how we love ourselves. We teach people how to love us. We teach people how to care for us by what we tolerate. They have to learn to handle us differently as we learn to handle ourselves differently. But it starts with looking us in the mirror and going, hey, today I choose you because you deserve better and you always have deserved better. And tomorrow I'm gonna choose you for that exact same reason. And the day after that, I'm gonna choose you for the exact same reason, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, until you you are the person that you've always seen, the person you've always envisioned, but the person that was stuck in the yeses when some of them should have been no's, just so that you could breathe.

SPEAKER_02: 18:40

That's all I got. Thank you so much. I I know that there's somebody out there that just needed to hear this today. It was a good talk.

SPEAKER_01: 18:47

It was a good talk.

SPEAKER_02: 18:49

Well, if you're listening, I hope you took this all in. If you need to, listen to it again. Go find Andy on all her socials and definitely check out her books and her workbooks. My best advice is actually use them. Don't just collect them because they're pretty. You actually need to do the work and use them. I'm guilty. I'm working on that. Until next time. Don't forget your spoon.