Unmasking the False Self

Ever feel like you're wearing a mask, exhausted from performing, pleasing, or playing small? That’s your false self talking—and this episode is about gently unmasking it without guilt. The false self isn’t evil; it’s who you had to become to survive. But what helped you then is draining you now—especially in your walk with God. Join your host, Michele Kus, as we explore how true spiritual maturity isn’t about becoming a shinier version of yourself, but about unbecoming everything you’re not. Through story, scriptures, and a guided meditation, we’ll thank those old protective patterns and then let them go. Because the real you—the one God already loves and adores—isn’t lost. The real you is hidden with Christ, waiting to be revealed.

Chapters

• 0:00 Happy Friday!
• 1:23 Today's Kus Word
• 3:00 What Is the False Self?
• 13:42 Guided Meditation
• 19:25 Wrap-Up

Transcript

Michele: 0:00

It's Friday, April 11th, and this is Today's Kus Word. It's Friday, baby, and you know what that means: Time to drop another Friday freedom bomb. I'm Michele Kus, your spiritual growth coach, and this is your weekly Kus Word to launch you into your weekend with some truth, some grace and some holy fire. Let's get into it. Hello, happy Friday. Yes, you heard that right. We are switching from a Monday through Friday format to a weekly format. This show is going to release a new episode every Friday morning, and the good news is it will be longer than five minutes. So, instead of five minutes a day, five days a week, which was a little bit much for me to keep up with, we're going to do one day a week, on Fridays, but it's going to be as long as it needs to be. So there you go. You won't need to feel behind or like you need to catch up if you miss a day here or there because it's only going to be releasing once a week, on Friday. Think of it as your Friday freedom bomb. See what I did there. It's Kus Word, freedom bomb. Okay, moving on. So here is Today's Kus Word. The real you isn't missing. It's just waiting to be revealed. What if the parts of you that you're ashamed of aren't actually failures but survival instincts? What if this false self isn't something that God is angry about or disappointed about, but it's just something that he wants to heal? What if spiritual maturity isn't about becoming someone else, but it's finally becoming who you've always been in God's eyes? What if the false self isn't something to beat down, but something to release, so the real you can shine through? So, as we have been exploring the topics of personality and emotional intelligence, it seems appropriate to talk about the false self. Is this something that you've heard of? So today's episode is all about unmasking the false self, not with guilt, but with gentleness. So we're going to explore how grace invites us out of our protective personas and into the freedom of who we truly are in Christ. So you might be asking what is the false self? Well, I'm glad you asked. This is not a topic that we talk very much about in church, that's for sure.

Michele: 3:13

So the false self is the version of you that you created, maybe without you even realizing it, in order to feel safe or loved or accepted. It might be the achiever, it might be the perfectionist, it might be the helper, it might be the peacemaker. It might be the performer. It's the you that shows up when you're not sure the real you will be enough. The false self, as you can probably guess by the words, is someone who isn't you. Think of it as a mask that's covering up parts of the real you.

Michele: 4:01

So the false self is an identity that we have built to feel safe or seen or in control, and it's not all bad. This false self helped you to navigate real wounds or real or perceived threats in your environment. This false self is the part of us that learn to perform, protect or please in order to feel safe, accepted or significant. So you didn't invent the false self to be rebellious; you invented it to survive. It's a survival tactic. Maybe you had to perform or achieve to win parental approval. Maybe you had to hide your light so as to not stand out too much. Maybe you had to please others because you believed a lie somewhere along the line that they wouldn't love you otherwise. There are infinite reasons why we create a false self, and the problem is that if we don't recognize these patterns and heal them, we bring them right into our relationship with God and we think that we have to achieve to win His approval or please Him, in order to gain His love, etc. We bring the false self right into our relationship with God, and nothing could be further from the truth. We don't have to achieve to win His approval, we don't have to say or do anything special to gain his love, and so these are things that we want to notice and address. And remember

Michele: 5:56

The false self is not a lie. It's just not the whole truth about who we are. The false self is a version of you, but it's not the truest you. It's more like a mask, or you can think of like the fig leaf. It's like a temporary protection, like Adam and Eve in the garden trying to hide under those ridiculous fig leaves because they didn't feel safe anymore. So here's the grace, though the false self formed for a reason. Maybe it was how you coped, or maybe it was how you got through a tough situation when you were a kid.

Michele: 6:41

The false self isn't evil, it's not even sinful, it's just adaptive. The false self is not a villain, it's just a survival strategy. But it's also exhausting. Can I get an amen on that? So you weren't made to live in that version of yourself forever. That's why emotional and spiritual maturity, it doesn't mean that we beat that false self into submission or condemn ourselves for having it. It just means that we begin to recognize it and, yes, even thank it for what it tried to do for us and then release it. So we are not here to crush the false self. We are here to gently uncover the real you that's already hidden in Christ, and recognizing our patterns, without judging them, is a sign of emotional intelligence and emotional maturity.

Michele: 7:50

So these things start with awareness, without shame. So it's not about fixing the false self and beating yourself up for having one. It's just about revealing the real you. So, instead of judging or condemning yourself, if you're realizing oh my gosh, I have this in my life, which, by the way, we all do! Instead of judging or condemning yourself, just get curious and ask yourself huh, I wonder why I felt the need to create this false self in order to survive? Maybe I had some childhood wounds, maybe I had some trauma, maybe I had some roles that I felt I needed to play. Whatever it is, it's better to just be curious about it rather than beating yourself up about it. So what messages did that false self believe? Maybe it believed I'm only loved when I succeed, I'm only praised when I get straight A's in school, it's safer to stay small and hidden versus shining my light, or it's not safe to show emotion. I mean, there are like infinite messages and lies that could be the basis for creating a false self.

Michele: 9:14

So the false self is like a mask. It's like a mask that we forgot that we had on. We get so used to it we don't even realize it's there anymore, but it's making it hard to breathe. If there's one thing that 2020 taught all of us, it's that masks don't breathe well. That thing just gets sticky and sweaty and filled with bacteria and uncomfortable. And the same is true of our false self. Well, I'm not sure about the bacteria part, but you get what I'm saying.

Michele: 9:52

So are there times you've been performing or protecting or pretending? What part of you feels like a performance right now and not the real you? So emotional and spiritual maturity means we no longer need the mask in order to feel secure with ourselves, with others or with God. So the truest thing about you is not what you've done to survive, but who God says you are. Paul tells us in Colossians 3:3, For you died. You died, remember, he dead. We already talked about that on a previous episode. And your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Hidden doesn't mean that you're missing. Hidden means that you're protected. The real you is already secure and loved and alive.

Michele: 10:53

So the invitation of grace is not become someone better. The invitation of grace is come out of hiding. You remember the story all the way back in Genesis, when Adam and Eve were hiding under those ridiculous fig leaves and God came looking for them, not in anger but because they weren't where they belonged. God's heart was to bring them out of hiding, and that has always been his heart for us as well. And in verse 10, Paul adds this: Put on your new nature and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.

Michele: 11:41

So this isn't about becoming someone else. It's about returning to who you've always been, before the wounding, before the trauma, before the masks, before the hustle, before any of that. And let's take a look at 2 Corinthians 3, verse 18, which Paul says this: We all with unveiled faces are looking, as in a mirror, at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image, from glory to glory. Healing from the false self is all about unveiling. You are not trying to become someone new. You're letting the real you rise to the surface. You're not becoming someone else. You're becoming more you. You're becoming the you that God dreamed of before the world began.

Michele: 12:46

So here are a few questions you can just gently ask yourself: Where am I performing right now instead of resting? What mask do I wear when I'm not sure I'm enough? And what would it look like to let grace reveal the real me? So here's the best part: You don't have to manufacture a better version of yourself. You don't have to shame the false self away or even condemn yourself for having it. You can just love it into surrender, because the Holy Spirit is already doing the work. We are just agreeing and cooperating with the work that he's already doing.

Michele: 13:41

So I'm going to lead you in a short meditation and we are going to address this false self. So I want you to take a deep breath in and let it out, and just close your eyes gently and imagine Jesus sitting across from you in your room. He's looking right in your eyes. Now I want you to picture yourself holding your false self in your hands, as if it's a mask, the mask that you wear to feel accepted or loved or in control. Look down at that mask with compassion, even smile at it. You know that that mask tried to help you. It worked so hard for you.

Michele: 15:05

As you hold this mask in your hands, you can hear Jesus say this to you: That version of you helped you survive, so let's thank her, let's thank him. And you can say this: Thank you for helping me survive and adapt to situations in my past. You can rest now, though, because I'm safe. As you hold this mask in your hands, hear Jesus say this to you: Child, masks don't breathe well, so let's let that part of you go. You both have smiles on your faces, and slowly you hand your mask to Jesus, and he smiles at you, not because you're finally fixed, but because he sees the face that he created underneath. You're face to face with Jesus, eye to eye. Let him gaze at your unmasked face with love and celebration. He is overjoyed in this moment because this is the you that he dreamed up before the foundation of the world. Now hear Jesus say: Welcome back. You've always been mine. God is not trying to shame your mask off. He's just gently lifting it, not to expose you but to reveal you.

Michele: 17:21

Unmasking isn't about embarrassment, it's about exhale. It's about breathing freely again. It's about coming home to your God-created self. Breathe. And now you can wiggle your fingers and toes. Come back here, open your eyes, welcome back. You're not becoming someone else. You're becoming more you, the you hidden with Christ, the you made in glory, the you that the world is waiting for. You see, the false self hides, but Jesus reveals. The false self performs, but Jesus invites and welcomes. The false self clings, but Jesus frees. The false self fears, but Jesus loves unconditionally and is a safe place. The real you isn't missing. It's just waiting to be revealed.

Michele: 18:59

Maybe this journey of spiritual formation isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's more about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so that you can freely be the you that you were meant to be in the first place. Remember God doesn't love some future version of you. He loves the real you already hidden with Christ, just waiting to be fully revealed. All right, that's what I got for you today.

Michele: 19:31

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and if you did, please share it with a friend who might find it encouraging. And remember you can come back to this message anytime and listen to it again whenever you feel that old, pesky, false self trying to rear its head. Remember you don't need its protection anymore. And remember you can send me a text message. There is a link down in the show notes that says Text Michele, just tap on that link with your phone and send me a text message. Let me know how this is hitting you. And remember to follow my other podcast called New Creation Meditations. That's a podcast where I drop one meditation every Monday morning and it just helps you get in the right headspace as you launch into your work week. So don't miss it. Just remember Monday meditation. Thanks so much for joining me today and I will see you again next Friday for another Kus Word. Until then, have a great week.