Confronting Anxiety Through Prayers and Poetry featuring Amiya Phillips

This episode features our conversation with Amiya Phillips, which was live-streamed on April 13, 2026 during National Poetry Month.

Amiya Phillips is the author of the recently self-published poetry book "The Heart of the Mat", which showcases her wrestle with anxiety and how God's divine presence steps in. She has also had other pieces of her work included in the 2016 autumn publication of "A Celebration of Poets." Amiya is a native of Springfield, MA, and graduated from Worcester State University in December of 2021 with a degree in Psychology. She is currently working on obtaining her Master's of Social Work so she can work with diverse communities to improve their mental health.

Released in July of 2025, The Heart of the Mat is an unfiltered collection of Christian poems. It highlights the spiritual wrestling between anxiety and faith. Through soul-searching, heartfelt reflections, Amiya Phillips invites readers into her inner struggles, where weakness meets God's perfection. This book explores the emotional and spiritual connection we have with God. In wrestling, the center of the mat is where the real action happens. That’s where Amiya finds herself, face-to-face with anxiety, round after round. But she’s not alone. This book is a reminder that even in our most difficult battles, God is always near.

The Heart of the Mat provides:

• Affirmations about how God's love helps us to heal and conquer our challenges
• Praise breaks - uplifting scriptural verses and prayers
• A bonus interview with a Christian mental health therapist
• A reminder that God's faith will continue to "order our steps", regardless of the struggles we face

The Heart of the Mat is available for purchase on Amazon. 

Read more on Amiya Phillips in this article from Bold Journey.

Mentioned during this episode:

Olive Tree Books 'N Voices, a Black woman-owned bookstore based in Springfield, MA: https://olivetreebooksonline.com/

Check out our interview with Dr. Latoya Bosworth, who is also mentioned during this episode!

Find Olive Tree Books 'N Voices on Instagram: @olivetreebooksnvoices

Find Amiya Phillips on Instagram: @amiyaphillips.author

Find Black Writers Read on Instagram: @blackwritersread

Find Black Writers Read online: https://blackwritersread.com/

Support Black Writers Read on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/blackwritersread

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

The ideal reader, when I was writing it, um, I was thinking young adults because I feel like this conversation is just so important for young people, specifically like young adult Christians who may, you know, have grown in these spaces where you're told, you know, you're not supposed to be anxious, you're not supposed to cry, these aren't normal feelings, you know, these aren't whatever, right? These aren't accepted in church spaces. So really just helping um Christian young adults to see that, like, hey, these feelings are real and God helps us through all of that. Um, but I realize over time that like anxiety, everybody has some sort of uh battle or wrestle with anxiety or mental health um struggles. And so I this book ideally is for young adults, it's for you know children who might be maybe a little more immature to handle the topics in here, um regular adults, like middle-aged, older adults. I did a book sign-in at my church a few months ago, and after that, I got a lot of feedback from people of all ages, people twice my age, three times my age, you know, being like, hey, my daughter, she has wrestled with anxiety. I read this book would really be good for her, or hey, I have wrestled with anxiety, or my mom, my dad, or my daughter. Um, and so I definitely had people from all walks of life really appreciate the book and the vulnerability of it and talking about anxiety um in Christian spaces, right? In church and you know, secular spaces. Um, and so I think the ideal reader would really be anybody who has had um struggles with mental health or anybody who knows somebody who has had struggles with mental health.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Hello and welcome to Black Writers Read. My name is Nicole Young Martin, and I'm the founder, producer, and host of this podcast. Thank you for tuning in for episode 23 of season six of the series. Launched on Juneteenth of 2020, Black Writers Read was created as a platform to showcase, celebrate, and honor the words, work, and traditions of Black writers from across the country, across genres, across experiences, and across the African diaspora. Black Writers Read is a behind-the-scenes conversation into the craft and what it means to create as a black author in today's society. Since starting the series during the summer of 2020, we've hosted over 100 authors representing 15 plus genres from six countries and 28 states. This episode features our conversation with Amaya Phillips, which was live streamed on April 13, 2026, during National Poetry Month. Amaya Phillips is the author of the recently self-published poetry book, The Heart of the Mat, which showcases her wrestle with anxiety and how God's divine presence steps in. She has also had other pieces of her work included in the 2016 autumn publication of A Celebration of Poets. Amaya is a native of Springfield, Massachusetts, and graduated from Worcester State University in December of 2021 with a degree in psychology. She is currently working on obtaining her master's of social work so she can work with diverse communities to improve their mental health. During this episode, we talked about The Heart of the Mat, the spiritual wrestling with anxiety, and how God always shows up. Released in July of 2025, The Heart of the Mat is an unfiltered collection of Christian poems. It highlights the spiritual wrestling between anxiety and faith. Through soul-searching, heartfelt reflections, Amaya Phillips invites readers into her inner struggles where weakness meets God's perfection. This book explores the emotional and spiritual connection we have with God. In wrestling, the center of the mat is where the real action happens. That's where Amaya finds herself face to face with anxiety, round after round, that she's not alone. This book is a reminder that even in our most difficult battles, God is always near. The Heart of the Mat provides affirmations about how God's love helps us to heal and conquer our challenges, praise breaks, uplifting spiritual verses and prayers, a bonus interview with a Christian mental health therapist, and a reminder that God's faith will continue to order our steps regardless of the struggles we face. The Heart of the Mat is available for purchase via Amazon and on Amaya's website at www.wordsbyamaya.net. That is www.net. I always love having an opportunity to speak with an author who lives near me and is in my backyard. I've known about Amaya for some time, and we actually did an event together, which we talked a little bit about during this episode. Actually, myself, Amaya Phillips, and Dr. Bosworth, who was on a recent episode, go back and listen to it. Um, we all did an event with Olive Tree Books, which is based in Springfield. And I will be sure to put their link in the show notes as Olive Tree Books is owned by a black woman. Love the bookstore, and I love its story. So please be sure to look them up and also to support them. One of the things that I love about our conversation is how rich it is. It's a short conversation. It's shorter than many of the conversations I've had on the podcast. There's so much we talk about. We talk about the industry, we talk about self-publishing, we also talk about poetry as a genre, and we also talk about the importance of us, especially as black folks, making sure that we find time to marry our religious and spiritual journey with our own mental health. So, so so important. So, so important. I hope that you take this opportunity to really listen and dive deep into this episode and then share it with someone else and also purchase the book. I also love, I want to make sure I put this in, because many of our conversations, of course, are about craft, which targets a lot of other authors and emerging writers. This episode targets authors, emerging writers, and also it targets readers because we talk a lot about why she wrote this book and who she wrote it for. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode, and I hope that you'll enjoy our conversation as much as I did.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Good evening, everybody. Thank you for that beautiful introduction. And so I will be reading. This is from round one, who told you that? So technically chapter one. Yes, so go ahead, happy reading, and I'm excited to come back and chat. Thank you. So this first poem is called Thorn in the Flesh. Dear Anxiety, I can't see you, but I feel you badly. I can't hear you, but I know you far too well. There are not enough mindfulness exercises or enough magnesium gummies that can make me feel any better. For me, each of those mechanisms is equivalent to a placebo. Your weight on my heart is something I can't wait to get rid of. I just don't know how. What's even the problem this time? I can't say. You don't have a face, not a scent, just pressure. I can't tell which direction you're coming from, but you need to find your way out quickly. I want to sleep, but you're pulling to keep my eyelids open. You're treating my heart as a drum set, and my brain is overstimulated with nothing and everything at the same time. You anxiety are the thorn in my flesh. Someone please save me before this gets any worse. Sincerely, just a girl who feels stuck. So that's thorn in the flesh, and then now I'm gonna read the battle is his burden, which coincides with thorn in the flesh, which we can talk about what that really means later. The battle is his burden. It's because of you, Lord, I won't let this battle win. It's because of you, Lord, this battle isn't winning. I know you give your toughest battles to your strongest warriors. There were times I felt like I was playing tug of war with anxiety, and the rope was about to slip away from my hands. But right before that could happen, you stood in front of me, tugging the rope just hard enough for me to win the battle. So that was the battle is his burden. And so now I'm going to read two more poems from round two, aka chapter two, um, which is called Tears in a Bottle. And so the title of this poem is called Restless. I would be lying if I said I wasn't anxious. I cannot think about anything else besides the future. It feels like every awful, awful thought is invading my mind, and it's just not fair. It's like an uncomfortable itch that I cannot seem to fight off. No one knows how to help me. I'm tired, I'm so tired. I know it's not just me feeling like this. So that was restless, and then the next one is tests, trials, and tribulations. Oh my, which coincides with restless. I was being tested. My free will guided me to bubble in the answer I thought was best. The self-doubt was real. I kept going back and forth with my answer. Thought that scratching out one answer and changing it to another one and another one would confuse my teacher. But he was watching it play out the whole time. He knew what I was going to do before I did. There was no one else around me. I was not able to observe their faces to see if they were equally as torn as I was. I was not able to sneak a wandering eye over to their tests. I could not quislet my way out of this one. My only choice was to look forward to the tests in front of me. I turned in my tests and tears flooded my eyes. I did not know how I did, but I stayed faithful and left the rest to him. The teacher wrote my score in red ink, leaving a reminder of the blood, sweat, and tears he sacrificed for his children, I mean students. The grade that I received wasn't numerical like I expected, nor was there a letter grade. Instead, it read, Well done, I love you. So that was Tests, Trials, and Tribulations. And now the last two poems I'm gonna read are from round three called The Lord's Purpose Prevails. And so let me just get to it. And so this poem is called The Quiet One. Silence is what is emitted from her mouth. She says nothing as everything else says every as everything else says anything and everything to her. She takes in their breaths of negativity, trying their hardest not to exhale them back into the world. She's not sure if it's the darkness or the tight hold around her mind. Whichever it is, she can't seem to escape from it. And then this is the last poem I'll be reading. This coincides with the quiet one, which I just read, and this is called Lord, what was I made for? She wasn't made to fit in. She wasn't made to be put into a box, she wasn't made to conform to the space that lies within. She was told it that it was a rarity to not want to compromise her values for a four-sided box that others were used to occupying. She wasn't made for suffering in spaces where she wasn't called, which allowed her to reject calls from the world because she wasn't made to answer to anyone except God. Sometimes she felt as if she owed everyone some sort of reasoning for her actions. She didn't. She and her lord knew she did not. She was scared people would judge her as if she didn't explain herself. But only God could really judge her. Her values did not include other people's comfort. When she walked, she stirred earthquakes and spaces that had not ever been shaken. However, her walls stand firm and continue to protect her from the world. She was not made to conform, for she knew she was made for transformation, set apart for a reason. God made her to fulfill a God-given purpose, for it reads in Ephesians 2 10 that for we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. You see, none of us were created by accident. We were made to stand firmly in God's purpose and not be easily swayed by the harsh winds of the world. I pray that this touches someone. I pray that you know that you are made for a special purpose. Though I cannot tell you what that specific specific purpose is, I know someone who can. And so you do, so do you. And that is the poems.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Yes. So I want to start off tonight by saying thank you for writing. Yes, absolutely. And the biggest reason for that is, and this is something that um Amaya and I talked about off air before we came on, is I appreciate that you, and I have questions about that, that you combine your personal and professional duties as you know, someone who is very religious, and also someone who is a mental healthcare practitioner into one. And there are so many people, so many sectors, and also so many cultures that believe they can't coexist. And I feel like they should. Also, too, the other thing that I love about your work is how to put this. It's a very beautiful accountability journey that I've noticed with some like Christian writings, they don't necessarily do. It's all, it's either all or nothing on God, and that yes, I walk in his footsteps, but I don't I don't exist as a person. And what I love about your writing is that, and I hope this makes sense, that it that God is a partner in your work and that you do exist as yourself. It's not, you know, yes, God is our creator, however, I am my own being and I have some autonomy in terms of the life that I live. And so I'm like, I'm grateful that you have chosen the mental health profession as your, you know, your path for work, because we do have so many people who are grappling with I need both, but I'm growing up in a situation in a culture where I'm being shamed for needing both. And also, too, within the black and African American communities in many like African immigrant communities where it's like therapy is bad. And I'm just like, why? Like, I, but also I'm someone, you know, I've always had my mental health struggles. I have like I'm of a lineage of women who struggle with mental health issues, and so it just feels like it's a part of the daily work. So long or short of it is, thank you for writing, given the ways that your lives intersect. Like we need more people like you writing.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Thank you. Yeah, I definitely with this book, I feel like God is definitely, I think he's really everything savior, um, healer. Like he definitely has the power to do to do all of it. Um, I feel like when it comes to mental health, my struggles with anxiety and just being anxious, he's I think the biggest thing that he's shown me is that he may not always, you know, fix the situation or fix the problem just like that. Like some person may be healed from anxiety and never you know have it again. Other people, he shows, and I'm one of those people that you know he can work through that. So while it might not be an immediate, oh God, I need I need to take this away. That's you know, as many times as you can pray that prayer, he may not do it not out of spite or you know, anything like that, but just to show you that, you know, he can, he's always there through those moments and he's always there in the in the darkest valleys. And he walks through those journeys and those dark times with us. That's not always an immediate kind of like, oh, I I got it, like I'm gonna just take it away. Some people, yeah, but in a lot of cases that's not really the case. And so I wanted to focus with this book on like God when He's when He's in it, like when He's at, um, when He's really just seeing us down and out, um, just walking with us through that journey of anxiety or whatever it may be for whoever, um, and just really just meeting people where they are and helping them get to where they need to go, but not focusing on the end spot, but really just being in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Nice. So this is a great way to segue into questions. So today's conversation is gonna start a little bit differently than how we traditionally start on Black Writers Read. So for folks who are joining us, I typically hold this question towards the end. But this question I think will help frame the conversation really nicely. I would like to start by asking today's guest, Amaya, why they write. So, prior to having our guest on the podcast, we ask each of them why they write. And here's what you offered. I write to express my feelings and to pour my heart out when I can't vocalize it. I also write to express the feelings of God's love and his peace. To be an author in this time is utterly important. In a world where we're seeing people being critiqued for expressing themselves, it is crucial to be a voice on certain topics and allow others to relate to our words. As someone, you might hear that I live two houses from the train tracks, um, as someone who did not use to express their feelings to others, sharing my work with others has been one of the most vulnerable things that I've done. I wanted to share my work in words to allow others not to feel alone in their similar feelings and to give words to what they may not be able to voice. So here's the question: What first inspired you to write, and why has poetry become your vessel to deliver your message?

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah, so I started writing when I was, I was probably like first, second grade, but in terms of relating to poetry and writing about emotions and stuff, that started when I was in high school at that point, mental health was just starting to become a thing that people talked about openly and like friend group settings and family settings or the black community in general. I think it was still new at that point. Um, when I was facing moments of anxiety or sadness or anger, I didn't know how to really vocalize it to people. I didn't know how to put it out there in words. Um, you know, I was just usually the quote unquote strong friend, like always happy, which is true for the most part. But, you know, in those times when, you know, going through times of sadness or being anxious, I just didn't know how to really communicate it. And so I felt like writing poetry was one of the main ways that I could really just get those feelings and thoughts. I feel like with poetry, there's such like a beautiful thing about vulnerability. And I feel like poetry was really what helped capture those moments of just uh anxious, being anxious and vulnerability. I read a lot of Maya Angelo growing up, and so I think. That also was an inspiration to like, oh, like she said this so profound and so pretty. Like that sounds nice. And so I think readings like that. Um, I grew up listening to Kendrick Lamar, people like Sia, and just hearing how like lyrics and words could just go together so pretty to just talk about feelings and stuff. I feel like those were big inspirations too. And so it was like, okay, like let me try. Um, but yeah, I think those all like wrapped in one probably is what helped the most.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Your work integrates religion, psychology, and social work in your own mental health journey. Why is it important to you that these topics intersect? And how does poetry allow for these very unique conversations to happen?

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Yeah, I feel like regarding religion and mental health and psychology, I feel like a lot of the times the conversation, it's like people out there that can't coexist. Like it's either one or the other, like you're either Christian or you're anxious, like they can't coexist. When really, when we're we're human beings, we're going to have natural human emotions like being sad, being angry. Jesus himself had multiple different emotions uh we see throughout in the Bible. And though I feel like it's important to really show people that like we're human and those conversations have to really coexist together so that we can get to a better spot. Um, you know, praying, journaling, whatever it may be, like it's important for Christians and whatever, you know, whoever to really just be able to accept those emotions and not like, oh, I'm not supposed to go through this, I'm not supposed to have this, but it's important to kind of sit in it, identify it, and work through it. Where um, as opposed to kind of brushing it off, I feel like to another point within the black community and religion, I feel like those two really like a lot of people act like they can't coexist when really it's like you need God, you need, you know, to have somebody to look to to get you through those dark times. Um, and I feel like poetry helps bring out those, those vulnerabilities to light and just really writing out those true hardcore, raw emotions. In the Bible, in the book of Psalms, there's so many beautiful words expressed by, you know, people like David, who are just really confessing to God. It's like, hey, I'm going through it right now. These are my emotions. And it was just so beautiful because instead of hiding it, he's like going to God. And the thing with, you know, God, like, he knows our emotions, anyways. So when it comes to the conversation of, well, we're not supposed to talk about it, we're not supposed to do this, it's like he already knows that you're anxious, he knows that you're sad, he knows that you're going through this. So I feel like we just do a disservice to us, to ourselves, trying to hide that. And so I think poetry is really like a confession, it's a vulnerable moment, and it's just so pretty. Um, and it's just really just being honest with yourself, being honest with God, being honest with whoever else ends up reading the work and just laying it all out at the table.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Yes, and also with poetry, because poetry was one of my first writing genres, poetry too, is very short and concise. And so while some people may think writing in that short form is easy because it's like, oh, it's just only a few words. But I'm like, but you have to pack so much into so few words. So I a lot of times when it comes to poetry and that conciseness, like the challenge of, oh, I gotta pack this in like a hundred words or less. Yeah. And I think the beauty, yeah, and I think the beauty too that comes in poetry is because you can mix a little bit of personal, a little bit of vulnerable, and then also to a lot of the symbolism and metaphors so that people, and this is one of the other things too that I liked what you did with the book, especially when you change narrators because you did a lot of first and second person, is that the reader can see themselves in the work as well.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Right. Absolutely. I'm glad that that was in there. Yeah, that that delivered to people and that reads people.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Yeah. So, what is the origin story of the heart of the mat? Why this title and why this poetry collection right now?

SPEAKER_00 26:32

So, a lot of these poems were written when I was in high school, about to graduate, um, when I was in college, also about to graduate, or just going through the hustle and bustle of getting assignments done while working, while maintaining a social life, and just anxious moments in that. Um, and then with college graduation, there's a lot of poems from around that time. It's like, oh my gosh, I'm about to leave my friends, FOMO, like all these different things. And then there's poems from after I graduated from college. And it's just also sitting in those moments of anxiety. I wrote a lot of poems, like two, three, four in the morning. And I had like a tab on my notes app, because that's where I would write the poems all on my phone. And so I would have a tab on my notes app, um, poems about anxiety. And then I think it's around 2021, 2022 is when I started getting um closer to God. So I had poems about him, and I had the same thing, like poems about God, and that was another tab. Um, and originally when I started working on the poetry book, I was thinking, okay, I'll do like poems about anxiety. Like that'll be one chapter, and then the next chapter would be poems about God. So it'll be chapter one, chapter two, and then that's it. And then God woke me up and he was like, hey, like this is not, you know, that's not your testimony. Like, and so it's more of really, I wanted to showcase that wrestle of, you know, having those anxious thoughts and not knowing what was to come, and then God meeting me where I'm at, and then going back to like, okay, I'm anxious, and then God's like, I'm here. And then it's thoughts like, I'm anxious, and then God's like, I'm still here. So I really wanted to showcase that wrestle between the two of how God has met me, you know, where I'm at. And that was definitely where that started. Uh, regarding the title of The Heart of the Mat, I went to two or three different titles. Um, and I really was just trying to find like something that had to do with wrestling. I really wanted wrestling to be the theme. So I was like, okay, like wrestling mat, what's what's like I just looked up different wrestling terminology because I do not watch the sports. So I was like, okay, like what can we do? And so I read that the heart of the mat has to do with like the most action happening at the focal point, like the center of the mat, at the heart of the mat. And so I was like, okay, like in my wrestle with anxiety, the most action is taking place at the heart of the mat because that's where God is meeting me and he's doing, you know, all of his, he's doing his big one, uh, if you will. And so I feel like in this middle, yeah, in the middle of the wrestling match between me and anxiety, and God's coming in the center, and he's really just helping me, and he's staying, helping me stay grounded and just really just taking over, pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

Can you share a little bit more in terms of the writing process? When it came to writing the poems that are a part of the Heart of the Mat, what came first? Your own words or the specific Bible passage you cite along with the work? And then how did you select the poems that went into the collection?

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Yeah, I would say definitely what came first was my own words. So I just wrote and wrote and wrote. Um, the poems about God, some of those I did, I would just also wrote and wrote and wrote, and then I would go into scripture and being like, okay, I feel like there's a scripture verse here that ties into this poem. And then there are some poems that are centered on scripture verses, so they kind of go back and forth. But definitely for most of them, it was definitely the words that came first. And then once I started getting closer to God, praying more, reading more scripture, and spending time in the word, um, I kind of went back to certain poems and like, yeah, filled in some things, tweaked different titles, like throw it in the flesh. That's um, that's from the Bible. Um, Tears in a Bottle, that's also um related to a Bible verse. So it's like really going back and getting deep in scripture and reading that is what helped. But definitely for the most part, it was like the words, just putting them on the paper, just getting those thoughts out, and just taking them from like being stuck in my head to really being out and then this add-in for the most part.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

The heart of the mat is a self-published endeavor, which for folks, because for the longest time, and I want to put this out here before I pose the question, for the longest time, people didn't respect the self-published hustle. And I'm so glad that it has become such a pivotal part of the conversation. It's like self-published and traditional publishing can coexist. So much so that there are pretty prominent authors who either started as self-published publishers and became very successful, traditional, or flipped. So Kennedy Ryan, the romance author, is one of them. Um, and I've talked, I have not had her on yet. I would love to have her on. Um I've talked, I've talked about her on the series. Um, Victoria Christopher Murray is one who started self-publishing and is now a successful traditional publisher. Then I've had folks on who and Cher Therese, Cher Therese, she's a romance author. I believe she's self mostly self-published. Um, and then there's authors who went traditional to self-published, Reese Ryan, romance author. So I love that the conversation has changed. It's not self-publishing, it's no longer, oh, you couldn't get published, so you're doing it this way. Self-publishing is now a very active choice, and a lot of people are making this particular choice. So, can you talk about the process of going from idea to finished product and who else did you involve in this process and why?

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Yeah, so I when I first first started the idea of publishing a book, I was really thinking about a children's book. I wanted to write a children's book. Um, I have the manuscript. That'll maybe that'll be out at some point. I don't know. But um, I started with the manuscript on talking about a girl who writes and she does that to express her emotions. I wanted to have that book for children so they could see, like, okay, I don't have to throw a tantrum, I don't have to crash out, I can write, I can read, I can do just you know, um, sharing different coping strategies that can help students or kids in general. And then I started working with a my writing mentor, Renee Jihad. Um, and she also has a few books of her own, a few poetry books. And when we were going back and forth with the manuscript, she was like, I feel like I don't try to go back, but somehow we ended up changing from a children's book and having that manuscript to just really working with having a poetry book um for people of many different ages. I was thinking mainly young adults, but I feel like this book does apply to all ages, which we could, I know that's yeah, we'll talk about that. Um but yeah, we were working through the poems and we were selecting different ones that kind of related to um the you know the whole purpose of the book. So going through those notes in my phone, poems about anxiety, poems about God, most of them did make it into the collection. There are some that I just left out, but I really wanted to focus on the ones that were kind of really just deep, really vulnerable. Even in the moment, I was like, I don't know if this is too real. Um, I just it needed to be in there. And so we chose poems based off that. And we were we'd zoom um video chat um a few times throughout the month, and we would just kind of just go really tweak the poems, not too much. I didn't want to tweak them a lot, but just tweaking them to make a little more sense to readers because what made sense to me when I was writing them, just making sure that the you know average person is like, okay, I can understand, I can relate. And so she helped me a lot with formatting. So making sure the margins were right, making sure the sizing was good, making sure all of that was um presentable, looking good. And so then I went on this website called Fiverr. I found somebody who proofreads, does editing, um, things like that. And I also found somebody to do a book cover design. And so they sent their work to me. And then me and Miss Renee kind of went in um Canva, Canva Pro, and we kind of tweaked some things just a little bit. And same with the person who did the proofreading and the editing, just looking through the manuscript, and we just kept looking through, kept looking through. Um and we published through Amazon KDP. So before you publish, they give you um proof copies of the book. So I went through like five or six different copies of that, making sure everything looks right, making sure the spine was good, everything was centered, and that the interior itself was good. So just finding those like last few edits, um it's kind of just a lot of it's a lot of editing, a lot of formatting for sure when it comes to self-publishing a book. And then we ended up, um, it was published July of last year. And so after going through all the rigorous steps of formatting, editing, adding commas, taking out commas, um, that's what led it to publication. And even before that, um I was like, okay, I kind of want some prayers in there, some scriptures that can also relate to these poems, help people kind of, you know, have some prayers in their back pocket. And once I was kind of close to done, um I feel like God was like, there needs to be, there needs to be a little more. Miss Renee was saying it too, but I was like, girl, I'm tired. But then I feel like God was like, there needs to be more. And so it's like he dropped the idea of putting um meeting with a Christian mental health therapist, uh, Mrs. Zeta Govan. And so I was like, I just feel like there needs to be some sort of interview in the back. And so I met up with her, asked her if she was, you know, willing, and we did a Zoom interview. And so, yeah, I put that in the back of the book for people to read, and where we talk about misconceptions with anxiety, um, seeking a therapist, why it's important, and things like that. And so after that, then we yeah, the editing, the formatting, all of that, and it was able to be published. And yeah, so Renee Jihad was a really huge help in this process. Like I would have been so lost if she was not there. Um, the people from Fiverr, um, definitely Mrs. Zeta Govon. And I also had um I had a few people do like a little beta reading. So I had one of the ladies, Miss Ella from my church, she beta read, because she also is an author herself. Um, and then I had Regine Jackson, who's an author and poet, write a few words for the back of the book. Um, my pastor, Dehaji Wright, also, you know, I had him read a few poems and he wrote um a little bit up to put on the back of the book. And then lastly, my parents also contributed to and they put a little words to for the back of the book. Um, so yeah, there's definitely a lot of hands. I've had friends beta read also, family members before it was put out. Um, and so yeah, there's definitely a lot of contributions for sure.

SPEAKER_01 38:16

Which I want to shout out your parents because I had an opportunity to meet your parents, and like they are like your biggest cheerleaders, absolutely, and people don't realize like how much community is so important in this process because yes, writing can be very solitary, but the business of writing, getting the book done, it takes a village. And I just love like at the Nikki Giovanni event at um All Tree Books and Voices, talking with your mom and your dad, like just the stories they shared, how much they respect you as an author is huge. So I feel like they respect you not only because you're their child, but they really respect your hustle.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

Absolutely. They um I used to talk about becoming an author and writing my own book for years before this was even an idea. And so I feel like they definitely, yeah, they were there throughout the whole journey of me becoming an author, me talking about it, and you know, get into it to the point where we can literally hold it now. Um, it's great. And so I think they definitely saw it coming for a while. So to be able to actually have it, like a physical copy of it with their names on it, is it's nice.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

Yeah, that is really cool. So I want to add a question that I did not send you before, and I think this is really important to kind of talk about, and then I have a couple more questions left. So in your reading, you mentioned that there are some poems that relate to others and unique titles for poems. So can you talk a little bit about how those poems connect and then why those particular poems connect?

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Yeah, so with the first two, let me go. So in round one, who told you that? And I said round one, aka chapter one, because all the rounds, round one, round two, round three, those are all really chapters, but I wanted to keep because it I guess with wrestling matches, there's three different rounds. And so I wanted to keep it with that themes, like round one, who told you that, round two, and so forth. Um, but yeah, Thorn in the Flesh. So that one had to do with, you know, talking to anxiety, which originally it was just when I wrote it, it was talking about anxiety. But my writing mentor, uh, Miss Renee, she was really, she's big on personification and really like talking to these things. And so she helped me to kind of tweak that a little bit. But um, yeah, with this poem, it's really talking to anxiety. Um, you know, I can't see you, I feel you, um, and that sort of stuff. And then the next poem, The Battle is His Burden, um, it's kind of yeah, they go together because that one is anxiety, talking to it. Um, and then this one is about Jesus and those burdens like anxiety, where he doesn't let us, you know, lose the battle because it really it's not ours, it's his. And so, you know, Jesus, he never loses any battles. So when it comes to anxiety, depression, things like that, it's really has to do with him kind of swooping in and really just meeting us where we are and helping us with, you know, for me, the battle with anxiety. So it's kind of like talking to anxiety and then talking about God and how he really comes through in that battle.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Nice. Thank you for that. The heart and speaking of, there's a great segue into this question. The heart of the mat is deeply personal and a special testament to possibilities of integrating a spiritual or religious practice with mental health care. I really appreciate the metaphor of the wrestling match, as there will always be a winner and a loser, along with a coach supporting each competitor on the mat. Who is your ideal reader of the heart of the mat, given all of that and why? Especially now that I have the little nugget of you originally wanted to write a children's book.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely a lot of changes. But I the ideal reader, when I was writing it, um, I was thinking young adults, because I feel like this conversation is just so important for young people, specifically like young adult Christians who may, you know, have grown in these spaces where you're told, you know, you're not supposed to be anxious, you're not supposed to cry, these aren't normal feelings, you know, these aren't whatever, right? These aren't accepted in church spaces. So really just helping um Christian young adults to see that, like, hey, these feelings are real and God helps us through all of that. Um, but I realize over time that like anxiety, everybody has some sort of uh battle or wrestle with anxiety or mental health um struggles. And so I this book ideally is for young adults, it's for you know children who might be maybe a little more immature to handle the topics in here. Um regular adults like middle-age, older adults. I did a book sign-in at my church a few months ago, and after that, I got a lot of feedback from people of all ages, people twice my age, three times my age, you know, being like, hey, my daughter, she has wrestled with anxiety. I read this book would really be good for her, or hey, I have wrestled with anxiety, or my mom, my dad, or my daughter. Um, and so I definitely had people from all walks of life really appreciate the book and the vulnerability of it and talking about anxiety. Society, um, in Christian spaces, right? In church and you know, secular spaces. Um, and so I think the ideal reader would really be anybody who has had um struggles with mental health, or anybody who knows somebody who has had struggles with mental health.

SPEAKER_01 44:16

What did you learn about yourself while working on the heart of the mat?

SPEAKER_00 44:21

I think one of the biggest things I learned is that I don't totally suck at making decisions. I feel like a lot of the time I get decision fatigue. And with writing a book, there's so many little things that you really have to decide on when it comes to the cover or even choosing who's gonna do your cover. Like I, with the the children's book manuscript, back when I was working on that, I just got so overwhelmed, and it's still what it is, a manuscript. And so now with the heart of the mat, I feel like I learned that okay, I can make hard decisions because of something that needs to happen. I feel like with this book, I really took it as an assignment from God who's like, God's like, listen, like this is this is mine. Like, I'm I'm putting this book through you to spread to the masses. And so I felt like I had to really make those hard decisions on the cover designer, the format, the actual cover design, the the font, um, which poems went in. And so while that those are things that are usually for me a struggle, and then I get overwhelmed and kind of just stop um and crash. I feel like this book and you know, God has really challenged me to get to the point to like, okay, what's it gonna be? Um, and I really learned the importance of asking for help and not holding back and being like, hey, would you be able to interview for this book and not having those thoughts of like, oh, they're probably busy, or they maybe they don't, but really just putting myself out there. Um, that's another thing I learned is how to put myself out there in different spaces, even when it feels um not natural or it's feels like, oh man, like I don't know, like I kind of want to chill today, but really just like I learned how to kind of do it anyways, really. So just going into different spaces and really just connecting with community, which is fun. And so I think those are to be the big things that I've learned with writing the book.

SPEAKER_01 46:29

And lastly, what is next for you and how can a Black Writers read community support you on this journey?

SPEAKER_00 46:36

Yeah, so at some point, I definitely do want that children's book to become published. I am in school now, um, second year social work student, and so that is taking up some time. So I graduate next year. So maybe within the next few years, I would say I definitely do see a children's book come in with a similar type of topic. Um when I was setting up for the book sign-in, it was in um one of the rooms in the church where they usually do children's church. So while that was ending, a lot of the kids were like coming to the table, like, you wrote a book? Oh my gosh, what's it about? Oh, there's stickers. Oh, so it's like, I was like, oh, that would be just so nice. That really kind of emphasized it even more and pushed, like, enforced it. It's like, okay, a children's book would be nice to be next up. But yeah, definitely within the next few years. Um, and definitely what's up next, next, just finishing school and just yeah, seeing what happens after that. We'll continue to work in mental health spaces and just continuing to put myself out there, different vendor and opportunities, different spaces, and talking about you know the importance of mental health and being vulnerable and how God's God meets us where we are. Um, and as far as you know, black writers read community, definitely, if you guys have are willing to, you know, shoot a follow. I am on Instagram, I am on TikTok at Amaya Phillips.author. Um, and so yeah, the book is available. It's on Amazon, it's on TikTok shop. It is, and I do have a website too, which was mentioned words by Maya.net. So yeah, and definitely just you know, sharing if um posts, anything like that, um, are helpful too. Just spreading the word.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

And review the book, review the book, review the book. When you buy it, go back to the site that you bought. And because the thing also, too, not only does it help the algorithms for people who read and like similar books, my understanding is the importance of reviews to keep it in print.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

So y'all reviews do help. Reviews do help a lot. Another thing, too. I also am working on doing like a book sign-in at Barnes and at a Barnes and Noble. Um, so I'm just waiting to hear back from them. But yeah, definitely a lot of things coming. I'm staying busy for sure, but I feel like with poetry, um, I feel like there's just such wonderful conversations come out of it regarding, you know, like I said, people talking about their own mental health struggles and what's going on in their lives. And it just really helps people to become vulnerable and to really like sit with themselves and also share with others and kind of create that community, a space of networking, a space of really just support, building support systems. And so hopefully, with the next few endeavors, that that can continue to happen.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

Yeah, and I also want to shout out Ray Jean Jackson. I love that she had an opportunity to be a part of this book. She was on Black Writers Read, maybe was this season three? For folks who are watching and who are new, I'm now in season six. So keeping up with the platform like offhand, I'm like, that, that, that, what? And Amaia is my 100 and one guest. So I'm like, where was Rachine on? So if folks are interested in hearing Rajine's episode, I will you can either watch it or I'll put a link to listen because also it's available on the audio podcast in the description box from where you are watching from for folks who are watching from YouTube. Um, also, two past episodes are available at my YouTube channel, Nicole Young Martin, and also wherever you get your podcast, so you can listen to the the wealth of authors that I've had on. I've had on all types of folks. And your, I wish I had it handy, but here it is. I do. Um another Christian author I had on was it last season? That I would love folks to find this and read it along with Harder Than Mat. I want to shout out Latanya or her book, Found Her, Finding Me. This is actually a journal for women. Um, another Christian author. Um, I think these books pair really nicely together. So, yes. So, Maya, thank you so much for being on, and thank you so much for starting your week with us, given that it is a Monday night.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

Yes, no, I've I've had fun. This is great. Thank you so much for having me on here. I feel so like special, like to be a part of Black Writers Read. This is great. Um, I'm yeah, thank you for anybody who is watching. I really appreciate the support. And yeah, this has been great. Listen, I was I wasn't doing too much, I was just doing a little Mtel prep here and there. So I was like, okay, I'm ready, I'm ready to talk and chat. And yeah, so this was this was great, great way to spend a Monday.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

Yes, and I also want to shout out, speaking of which, by the way, I given that this podcast started and grew in the Western Mass region, I will always have a spot for Western Mass writers on here. I want to also shout out another very special person from the community who did your photo, your headshot, Leonard Underwood, who is an amazing photographer.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Yes, me and Lenny, we go way back. Oh my gosh, because he did my pictures for my senior photos. He did so literally, it's crazy. Yeah, he did those, and he was doing, he did everybody just about that. I know is sweet 16. Like he's uh he's everywhere, and so I and he he also goes, uh we go to the same church, and so I reached out to him. I was like, Lenny, I have this book coming out. Can we do like a book launch photo shoot? And he was down, and so we did that, and we were we were chatting for like hours and hours about the book, about Springfield, about Western Mass, and just it was nice to be able to catch up with him. And he's just he's very very professional, like, oh my gosh, like Lenny, Lenny's a guy, he's but he's a OG, like he's been doing photography for years, and so it's really nice to just be able to see him like really get into his craft, and he's just he's just yeah, he's great.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

Yeah, the spring, the Springfield community is so so special. Like I I live, I for folks and for you, I live in Windsor by the airport in Connecticut, but we we hit the Western Mass border to where I I I still work and create in Western Mass, and it's still, and I've been in the region almost 20 years, and it's a very special place, so much so like Springfield. I joke about this. Springfield reminds me so much of the east side of Detroit, and and that I say with so much, okay, my cohorts are finally barking. Um, because they've been quiet this whole time. I I say this with so much love and affection because the east side of Detroit, and I'm from the west side of Detroit, so this is a lot. Eastsiders hustle in a very special way, and they gather around community in a very special way. And every time I'm in Springfield, I'm like, yo, like it feels like home. So Springfield is a very special place in Western Mass.

SPEAKER_00 54:45

Absolutely. Yeah, the community, especially like within the arts community, too. It's it's not hidden, but it's like not talked about a lot. I think it's growing more. We're seeing more poets come to light, we're seeing more artists, songwriters, singers, dancers. I think those spaces are like really developing more so now.

SPEAKER_01 55:08

Graphic artists, um, visual artists, painters, which we did lose. Um someone very important to our community a couple of days ago, um, Rosemary Tracy Woods, who was the founder of um Art for the Soul Gallery in downtown Springfield. She recently passed. So we we have, oh my god, the co-host. Sorry, I don't know if you hear my dogs parking. They want to be a part too. They're like, it's they do, they do, and they've been quiet this whole time, and they're like, oh, mom's ending the podcast. Woo!

SPEAKER_00 55:42

And I'm like, something, something sparked them.

SPEAKER_01 55:44

That is so cute. But Springfield, it's a very it's a very special place, and I hope that people come here for more than just the basketball hall of fame, more than just comedy shows at Mass Mutual Center, and more than just a pass-through to get to the biggie. Springfield is not that far from the biggie.

SPEAKER_00 56:06

So absolutely, yeah. There's so much, there's a lot of room for community, and yeah, people really like each other regarding like uh artsy space. I feel like. Um, but even in general, I feel like you know, there's a want for more community, there's a want for more sense of belonging. And so I feel like slowly but surely, it's definitely it's it's coming, it's coming.

SPEAKER_01 56:37

Thank you so much for joining us for this episode of Black Riders Read. Black Riders Read is available on all platforms. Please be sure to subscribe to Black Riders Read wherever you listen to your podcasts to receive each new episode once they are released. And after you've listened to this episode and subscribed to the podcast, I would appreciate so very much if you could also leave a review as your feedback helps me to curate the series and it helps others to find us. I hope that you are so moved and encouraged to take your support of Black Writers Read one step further and join us on Patreon. Thank you for championing this work and helping to sustain this award winning, independently produced virtual platform. To learn more, please visit BlackWritersRead.com. Thanks again for your support and for ensuring that Black Writers continue to matter.