Busting Public Speaking Myths with Steve Gamlin

Have you ever struggled to connect with your audience during a speech? Or perhaps you've tried to imitate someone else's speaking style, only to feel out of place? In our conversation with Steve Gamlin, we debunk common public speaking myths and delve into finding your authentic voice.

Join us as we discuss the importance of expressing gratitude to your audience, challenge the notion of "winging it," and explore the pitfalls of copying someone else's style. Steve shares his personal journey in Toastmasters, along with valuable insights on overcoming stage fright by embracing authenticity and empathy. These qualities can empower even introverted speakers to captivate their audience.

Together, we'll explore the power of storytelling, the significance of crafting impactful opening lines, and the art of tapping into your true self on stage. We'll also debunk the myth of "imagining the audience in their underwear" and explain why it's not an effective mindset. Don't miss this enlightening conversation with Steve Gamlin as we dispel public speaking myths and guide you to discover your unique voice!

NOTABLE QUOTES
"Get out in the real world more and get hit harder. Like going back in the forge, softening up, hammering a little different direction." – Steve
"Wherever I am, I always prefer to thank the people who made it possible, thank the audience for being part of the journey, and for inviting you into their experience." – Steve
"If you are out there stealing other people's stuff, you've not yet clearly defined who you are." – Steve
"You will be more successful yourself if you do your own style." – Philip
"Don't try to be anyone else, just be yourself. The stronger you get with it you become iconic in a way." – Steve
"When people just wing it, they go way over their time. They never know exactly where they wanna end or where they even want to take the audience." – Philip
"Never leave people sad." – Steve
"Go out there as an introvert and speak because that's a superpower." – Philip
"I work the hardest to reach the people I can't see, who are sitting in the dark, who are afraid to come into the light because they don't feel they're worthy of it. They're the people I have to work the hardest to get to and I'm the most humble to reach as well, and I don't talk down to them at all because that's where I used to sit." – Steve

RESOURCES
Steve
Website: https://stevegamlin.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevegamlin/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stevegamlin/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SteveGamlin/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/SteveGamlin

Philip
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealphilipsessions

Transcript

Philip Sessions: 0:16

What is going on, guys? We'll go back to another episode of the speaking sessions podcast. We've got a familiar face here, steve Gamelin. I'm not even going to give an introduction to this guy because he is just an incredible speaker. He's a visionary. Vision boards is what he literally does and helps people really craft their vision, and he's got some really cool and exciting things that he's coming up with. And I'm really excited today because we were talking going back and forth on Facebook per usual with us and we decided we want to come on and talk about some public speaking myths. So we're going to have something a little bit different here. But, steve, i do want to give you the floor real quick. It's just kind of introduce yourself, even though you are a returning guest. We have new audience members, so I want you to introduce yourself a little bit.

Steve Gamlin: 1:05

Thank you, brother, happy to be here again. And yeah, we had one heck of a game of volleyball going back and forth over the net the other day with speaking tips and myths and stuff like that. So here we are. I've been enjoying life as a speaker for the past 18 years and also work as a coach Like you said, the visualization work division board And one of the things I love to do is help newer speakers or people who might just not have their legs under them yet, to encourage them and coach them forward and get them up on that stage, because I say, once you're up there, just like me, you're probably going to love it. And I still do after all these years.

Philip Sessions: 1:41

And the stage is such a magical place really at the end of the day, and it's amazing how, when you're practicing a speech, that 20 minutes feels like forever. And you get on stage and you're like that's all I had. 20 minutes is already up And it can be the same amount of material, but it feels like you had you filled up so much more time and time just evaporated for sure. It is very crazy, but let's go ahead and dive right into this. I'm excited to talk about this.

Philip Sessions: 2:09

We've got several myths to talk about today, and we're actually going to start with toastmasters to start with, and so the first one I really want to talk about is in toastmasters we see a lot of professionalism by the books, kind of things, and so I want us to relate what happens in toastmasters versus what happens in the real world, and there are a lot of differences between those, although toastmasters is a great source for you to start. This is not bashing on toastmasters by any means, but we want to debunk the myths and debunk the fact that sometimes toastmasters is a little misleading when it comes to public speaking. And so the first one is people will not applaud the whole way to the stage, as you'll see in toastmasters, when it's your time to speak, everybody's applauding until you get up there to start speaking. Steve, tell us a good story. I know you've got a great story about how this probably didn't happen to you on stage.

Steve Gamlin: 3:08

Yeah, that's. That's one of the things that I loved about toastmasters is basically all the members are told you're supposed to clap until the person gets all the way up, shakes the hand, takes the mic. If that's the case and begins In the real world, that doesn't happen. They announce you, they do the polite clap and then it is silent. So what I used to do when I was in toastmasters was sit way in the back and I would walk up slow and look that applause the whole way up.

Steve Gamlin: 3:36

The first time I tried that in the real world, they announced me I was way at the back of the room and they do the polite clap. All of a sudden it's death, silence and an audience staring at me saying why aren't you up there yet? And I raced. Thank God I didn't trip and fall. I raced all the way up and by the time I get up on stage or out of breath, i'm like thank you so much for having me here. I'm like already halfway through my water bottle and I haven't even said a word yet.

Steve Gamlin: 4:02

And that's when I learned it, sitting near the stage, because in the real world they don't clap all the way up there. But that was a. It was a funny lesson because I got a good humorous intro to a story out of it. But that was a lesson I learned very quickly about the differences between toastmasters And, like you said, i want to say this too we're not bashing toastmasters. I was a member for eight years. It is the greatest toolbox I've ever discovered to help you build your basic skills as a speaker.

Philip Sessions: 4:29

Yes, those basic skills for sure. And I'll add to that, like I've even been to Tenix growth conferences. So Grant Cardone, his event, he's a very well-known speaker And even then you'll hear the hype person, the person introducing them, or they'll say so then, oh yeah, keep cheering, keep cheering. They'll say these things so that you keep clapping for even a guy as big as Grant Cardone to come up there. So there's definitely it doesn't matter if you're a small player in the speaking space or you're a big player like Grant Cardone. Most people will not clap for you. So just keep that in mind, that you want to make sure you go ahead and get up there. You're right there at the stage. And the next one is be careful of the nitpickers who say this is what the book says. And so, first of all, what do we need mean by the book? And then let's go into those nitpickers.

Steve Gamlin: 5:23

Yeah, the Toastmasters manual, the very first one. It's called the Competent Communicator Manual and there are 10 basic speeches in there And it's I won't say it's kind of like speaker mad libs, but it kind of is. In a way it's the very basic structures of how to use your voice, your face, your gestures, your tone, your speed, your everything. Too many people, especially if they're new, if they are evaluating a speaker Now they don't know how experienced the speaker is, but what they do is they look at the questions and evaluation points And even if you've advanced a bit as a speaker and I'm not saying this to pat myself on the back, but I was very comfortable up there by the time my second year in And there would be people who are brand new says, oh, but the book says this. Oh, but the book says that. And I'm not a prim and proper person on the stage, i'm not robotic or anything. You know I lean, i slouch one hand in my pocket, the other hand, you know, scratching my head and I'm doing all this stuff just being me In one day. This is actually about the seventh or eighth year. This is part of why I left. A brand new person was evaluating and went down and just beat me on every single thing that the book said. And I'm sitting there just taking it just okay, okay, okay. They don't know what, they don't know.

Steve Gamlin: 6:39

A veteran member this woman was probably in her late 60s, early 70s at the time stood up. Now this never happened before. She said excuse me, but Steven is an experienced speaker. Steven exudes confidence. Steven is comfortable with his physicality in his voice. Steven is not held by the same rules that some of the newer speakers are. Thank you. And she sat down and I sat there with my eyes bugging out of the head, going, oh my gosh, you know, i was just the reason. I felt like I was in court and my lawyer just got up and just got me off you know death row or something. It was so perfect.

Steve Gamlin: 7:19

But that's when I said, look, this is not the perfect place for me to learn anymore. Get out in the real world more and get hit harder. But get hit, you know, like going back in the forge, softening up, hammering a little different direction, versus being told you're doing this wrong.

Philip Sessions: 7:36

Yeah, yeah, and you're exactly right, and I've had very similar experiences within toastmasters And one thing that I noticed for myself and other people that I've helped coach is that I don't go Yes, there are certain things by the book and I'll go with the ums and Oz. That's something that, especially toastmasters, is all oh, you gotta get rid of all of them. You gotta get rid of all the filler words. I have heard so many speakers and myself I'm doing it right now I know you've done it before where you see ums and Oz and this does sound like we're bashing toastmasters. But in toastmasters it's just something to be able to look at and point out so you can be aware of it. But in the real world people are not looking at that. Even as a public speaking coach, even you, steve, as a great speaker you're not looking at somebody saying, oh, they had six ums in that speech. That was just a terrible speech, right? You're looking in for the content and how their confidence is and what stories they're sharing. Anybody that is being more natural and not having a memorized speech is going to have those ums and Oz in there And it's not something that's going to detract from the audience and from your message. So it's okay to do that And that's what I teach clients, that's what I do it myself, and I make sure that I'm not super polished, because nobody wants to listen to somebody that's polished. They could go to university and go listen to a history lecture. They want somebody that's really polished and going to be speaking about these exact things and going through and it's all about the book. But if you're going to entrepreneur events, if you're going to these business conferences whatever conferences you're going to most these people are just giving information or sharing stories, And so you don't need to be exactly by the book. Yes, it's good to have that information, that reference for yourself, but if you're not exactly by the book, it's probably actually better. You have seen a lot of speakers that are very well known speakers that if you looked at it by the book, they would not be very good. Yeah, exactly Yeah.

Philip Sessions: 9:37

And going back to you, you know, putting your hand in your pocket, it depends if you have both hands in your pocket and you're standing there and you're just looking out of the crowd and your eyes are really big and buggy, okay, you need to get your hands out of your pocket and you start using your hands, but sometimes you walk. It's just a natural thing, especially for guys, to put a hand in a pocket. If it looks natural, it's okay. If it's something that you're doing and you start filling with your wallet or your phone in your pocket, that's a totally different story. So if you're using it for nerves, that's one thing, but if you're using it as far as expressing yourself or just in a natural, casual sense, then it's okay. So, really, just, there's a lot of gray area to it. So that's, that's just definitely another one.

Philip Sessions: 10:19

Another myth that we need to realize is that it's not all by the book. The book is great, it's there for reference, but it's not there for you to do literally everything from. Exactly, yeah. And then the last one, from the toastmasters aspect, is to say thank you to those who invited or hired you to be there.

Steve Gamlin: 10:39

Yeah, most definitely, and that is something I prefer to do when I get announced up on stage And also when I leave the stage. You know, thank you all so much for being here today. I truly enjoyed this experience and I want to thank this person for bringing me in. I used to say thank you at the end of all my speeches at toastmasters and there were one or two members When it came around for evaluation, they would always say the same thing No, no, no, it is we who should be thanking you, and I go, uh, no, when somebody's in the real world handing you a nice big check for speaking, they like to be thanked.

Steve Gamlin: 11:15

You don't have to go overboard, you don't have to gosh over people, but I'm just a person who's rooted deeply in gratitude and appreciation. So wherever I am, i always prefer to thank the people who made it possible, thank the audience for being part of the journey that day and for inviting you into their experience. I mean, i just I love to throw out the thanks at the end. It's, it's a feel good thing for me, but I also know it's appreciated.

Philip Sessions: 11:43

Yeah, yeah, and I'll agree with that for the end. I think it's beginning. That's something that you shouldn't do. In my opinion And we may differ here a little bit, but I think if you think the audience has been a Hey, thank you for being here, all this stuff It really one. It dilutes your start, and you need to have a good, solid start to get the audience engaged and interested in you. And plus, a second thing if you're thinking them at the beginning, that probably means you're a little nervous and you want to make sure you go out there with confidence.

Philip Sessions: 12:12

So I personally don't like to do it at the beginning. I do like to do at the end, like you, to thank the audience for being there and listening, thanking, of course, the host that had me come in and to pay me to speak, or whatever the opportunity looked like there. I do like to do that the end, though, because that is an important thing. You want to make sure that you give them that gratitude, give the audience the gratitude for listening to you as well. And you're right, it's the audience isn't there. Well, i shouldn't say they aren't there, because some may be there for you, but that audience didn't come only for you, so you should still thank them, unlike in Toastmasters, where they do typically thank you for the speech.

Steve Gamlin: 12:51

Yeah, and I should clarify I don't think the audience at the beginning, i think whoever introduced me and then whoever paid for me to be there, Yeah. But in there are times where I'll just say, hey, look, you know how many of you came here today because you want to be enlightened? and a couple of hands go up and said how many of you are here? because somebody who outranked you told you you had to come listen to me And you see the hit and I put my hand up for that. I'm like I'll put my hand up first because some of you might not want to be seen right now. But yeah, and that's you know. Again, opening with humor. But yeah, i should have clarified.

Philip Sessions: 13:18

I don't think the audience upfront, it's at the tail end Yeah, gotcha, gotcha, yeah, and I think that's appropriate. You know where it's appropriate at. It just depends kind of how you're introduced. You know, if you're introduced by an MC, maybe not, you're kind of going right into it because that's kind of how you're introduced, like go ahead and go. But yeah, if you're going up there and the host kind of introduces you, yeah, and then hands you the mic, that I could see that being that way for sure. So yeah, yeah. So all right, we're going to go on to the regular stuff now. We're not going into Toastmasters anymore, we're going into the real world completely. We're getting away from the book, yeah. But our next myth here is you know, still anyone's material and still their style, their material, everything. Make sure that you do that in order to be a great public speaker.

Steve Gamlin: 14:56

Sadly, i've seen it. I've seen my own stuff get ripped off before which you know it's. It's the sign of a lack of creativity. It's a sign of a lack of individuality. If you are out there stealing other people's stuff, you've not yet clearly defined who you are. It's also a very cheap move And we say it on social media, with people stealing quotes and memes and stuff like that and giving their attribution.

Steve Gamlin: 15:21

But the the most extreme example not necessarily the material, but somebody copped the style of another speaker And this happened to a dear friend of mine Gentlemen she had worked with years prior. They were in the real estate industry. He kind of went off on his own and then became a speaker and then became a coach of people in the industry. Invited her up to an event the very first event he was throwing for himself And she said he's really nice guy, i really want to support him. She drove three and a half hours with a car full of people to go support him And within 15 minutes he had emptied half the room and about 90% of the women had left.

Steve Gamlin: 15:56

He decided to adopt the style of who Tony Robbins has been over the past 15, 20 years. They were in your face very abrupt F bombs all over the place cursing like a sailor, and a truck driver had a kid And he completely went off the rails and virtually emptied the room. And my friend approached him after and said What are you doing? This is not the you that I knew. This is not the you that I drove three hours to support. What are you doing? He goes. Oh, i went to a Tony Robbins event and he was very, you know attention getting in, you know changing thought patterns and all that. I thought I'd try it. She goes, she shakes her head, she goes. That's not you. Look what you just did to this room And he thought he was doing a good thing by copying the style of somebody else, but it didn't jive with who his personality was And it was such a disconnected It was just so she said it was just offensive.

Steve Gamlin: 16:55

If you're going to Tony Robbins. You know now that's what you're going to get, which is why I don't go to Tony Robbins. I like Tony's earlier style better. Yeah personal preference. But this guy went out and tried to be a clone of Tony Robbins and it backfired on him. It hurt him financially, it hurt his reputation. Now he's lost. He doesn't know what to do next.

Philip Sessions: 17:15

Yeah, I gotta say that was a moved audience.

Steve Gamlin: 17:19

Yeah, yeah.

Philip Sessions: 17:20

Right up the door.

Steve Gamlin: 17:21

Right up to the parking lot.

Philip Sessions: 17:23

Yeah, but it's funny as actually a friend they preached a sermon at our church actually this past Sunday, as we're recording this, and he was going through and he was talking about like Oh, one more. He's like, oh, that'd be, that'd be a great, a great motivational speech. And he kind of looked at me like so for Phillip, he could do a speech on that. I had to go share with them afterwards. I'm like, yeah, it would be. You're exactly right. There's a billionaire that's written a book about it and he's doing it on stage. He didn't know that and my let did that, but it just funny. He's like, man, that'd be great. And I'm like, hey, you've got it, you've got an eye for that. Like it is great because somebody's became a bestselling author and they did that The whole. That's their speech right now. That's what they do and everything. And he's very successful. So you're right, but I definitely did not steal that from him.

Philip Sessions: 18:12

But I've definitely had some thoughts like you know, what can I do to make myself my personality on my videos and everything? And there's this one guy on TikTok and he's always just like I think something like you know, listen, listen, listen. So I forget exactly what he says, but he just has, and there's several other ones like that. They had this like certain thing that they say and I guess he'll like show something, or maybe it's like you know a picture of a woman's breast or like a video. He's like anyways, you know in other news and he'll like go on and talk about something else, but he captures your attention with things like that and clickbait essentially, and then he'll go into whatever he's going to talk about And so I'm like what can I do something like that? And then, as I think about it, i'm like Oh no, that person's doing that. I can't copy that. So it's definitely something you want to make sure that it's your own. And I get the temptation to want to do that because you see that somebody's already successful with that. But you will be more successful yourself if you do your own style.

Philip Sessions: 19:13

And that's not to say it might be similar to what somebody does. But make sure it's your own style And it's okay if it happens to be the same word or similar phrase. I would, i would. If it's a phrase, then you definitely want to make sure that it's different, because you can ask somebody that's trademarked and they're like our buddy Drew B Wilson, right, or Andrew Wistlin. Now you know, crush a day before it crushes you. If I use that, started using that, always got a trademark on it, i would get you know, i would get a find or something. So make sure that you're using phrases that are yours or not trademarked and everything, and so that's, you know, definitely a great myth for us to bust right there. Any other thoughts on that?

Steve Gamlin: 19:54

Yeah, it's funny we say the trademark, because my, the trademark I own is motivational firewood. as a speaker, as a coach and as a as an author, that's that's my brand. motivation of firewood. You got a spark in your heart. I give you information, you take action to do it. I gave you motivational firewood And I've had a few people say, oh my gosh, that's really clever, can I use that? And I'd go. you see those two little tiny letters at the end of that. They go Oh yeah, yeah. What's that mean? I go, that means you will pay me a ton of money if I catch you using it. And I laugh because I'm just I'm not a very, you know, authoritative or fighting person.

Philip Sessions: 20:28

Yeah.

Steve Gamlin: 20:29

And they just laughed and go, oh, okay, okay. And they said I'm more afraid of you making fun of me and rat me out on social media. I said that'll do. I may not stick my lawyers on you, but you will know, don't do that, i will be the hot stove. Yeah, and it's funny when you're talking about that with like Drew B's Drew B's memes and stuff And he's so brilliant with everything he creates.

Steve Gamlin: 20:49

And I just thought of this the other day, i think I had a reminder that it happened about a year ago Buddymind sent me a meme and he said Oh man, i saw this on Instagram and it made me think of you. And I looked at it and I noticed the bottom had been cropped off and I said you know why? it made you think of me. He goes, why I go? cause 12 hours ago I wrote it, designed it and put it on social media and somebody hacked off my name and my branding already. He goes. Whoa, he goes. Good call, though. That reminded me of you, right? I'm like, yeah, good call.

Steve Gamlin: 21:20

So, as a speaker, as a writer, and what you and I do, the way we craft and say when we're speaking, live, when we're writing, when we're doing Facebook lives, when we're having conversations like this, when you can dial in your voice to be the same in written in your head and what comes out of your mouth, so that your sound, your vibe, your, your style is so unique that people recognize it, you're on to something. Honor that, stay in that voice. Don't try to be Shakespearean, don't try to be Tony Robbins, don't try to be Jack Canfield, don't try to be anyone else, just be yourself. Yeah, stronger you get It's like going to the gym and building muscles the stronger you get with it. Oh man, you become iconic in a way. You become known for that, and I was joking.

Steve Gamlin: 22:14

Go look, shakespeare played on. Aristotle were philosophical, shakespeare could be comedic or tragic, and I write things like don't let people fart in your elevator. You know it's common sense stuff. Go little flare for the humor in it, but it's got a powerful message If you sit there and think about it. That's how I deliver everything And that works for me.

Philip Sessions: 22:34

Yeah, yeah, and you really have to step into that too. I mean, you spent eight years in Toastmasters and I'm sure a lot of that was you trying to build up your confidence, build up your skillset. I guess two years in, but you're still trying to build up that skillset and build up who Steve Gamelin is today and everything. So it just continues to come over time. Just like a business, just like anything, you need to continue to put the action and effort behind it and continue to craft who. You are not trying to craft something and make yourself into that. You need to craft yourself for sure. So let's go on to the next myth here, and it's do not think you can get up there and wing it with great results.

Steve Gamlin: 23:15

This one makes me crazy because I know, and you know, some of these people to or I'm not going to put their names out there I know people who say I have no idea where I'm going to go up there and say I'm just going to get up there and something will come to me. There's a danger in that, not for them, not for you and not for me. We can do that, but here's the thing We're not exactly winging it. We've got so much experience and we've honed our skills and our talent. We've developed a level of confidence that will allow us to get up there and see one thing and start riffing on that.

Steve Gamlin: 23:50

So when people say I'm going to get up there and wing it, evaluate how long they've been doing this, because they're not really winging it, and I think that's just a dangerous thing to say to newer people who think they can go up there and do it and they flame out so badly that it works the other way. They never wanna get on a stage again, and I think that's a very reckless thing for experienced people like us to say, because it lets other people think that's a valuable tool and tactic to do this. So I've always got a framework, but I'm also because I had seven years of stand-up comedy, 10 years on the radio, 18 as a speaker and 28 and a half as a professional MC and DJ. I can look around on anything going on and come up with a story like that. I'm not winging it. I'm relying upon the toolbox that I built, including eight years of Toastmasters, to be able to be in the moment without panicking like I'm looking for something.

Philip Sessions: 24:51

Exactly exactly. And the other side of that, if you don't crash and burn, what I see when people just wing it especially new people, but even experienced speakers is they go over, they go way over their time because they think, oh, i need to put this and this and this and this and this into my material and they never know exactly where they wanna end or where they even wanna take the audience, and they just start spitting all this stuff out and all of a sudden they're five, 10, 15 minutes over their time and they're not even done And it's so hard for the host to be able to reel that back in. and how do you just stop them? And eventually and I haven't experienced it firsthand, but I've heard of people just getting yanked because they went over so much on their time, or the host has had to come in and start saying something to essentially get them off the stage because of that, and so that's why you don't wanna wing it.

Philip Sessions: 25:45

And something I thought about that this is funny. you don't wanna be like Carrie Underwood. You know Carrie Underwood says Jesus, take the will. Don't be like Carrie Underwood and say, hey, jesus, take the mic, you're gonna figure it out for me.

Steve Gamlin: 25:56

Yeah, yeah.

Philip Sessions: 25:58

I feel that too many people do that, though, and I love the faith. Don't get me wrong. Obviously I'm a faithful person, steve, i know you are as well, but don't just rely on your faith and that the God's just gonna come into you and give you the right thing to say. I do believe there are times where that does happen. There's certain things that just come up and it is from God, but you still need to have something, and I think that really just comes back to you being prepared, but in the moment, something just kinda hit your heart, and I think that's good that people use their faith when they say that, not that it's all, oh yeah, that's something I thought of. That came from me, that they give that to God, but oftentimes it's like they just solely rely on God just gonna give it to you.

Philip Sessions: 26:44

It's like going up to run a marathon. You never train. You said, hey, god's got me. Sorry, god doesn't care about your marathon. If you're preaching a sermon, that's gonna be a little bit different. God will care about you preaching that sermon, but if you're going up there doing a motivational speech, you don't care about that.

Steve Gamlin: 27:04

I believe I've had some moments on stage where and a couple of them have turned into some of the most incredible moments. But there have been a few times up there where my head, i finished one thought and all of a sudden that synaptic gap turns into the Grand Canyon and I'm just looking around, i'm making eye contact, sweeping around and back, and still can't remember what I'm gonna say, and in my head I'm like God, give me something. And then I listen to my head, i go and I'm on hold. Okay, it's up to me, let me figure something out. God's got something more important to do right now than Steve, who forgot his next clever transition into something else.

Steve Gamlin: 27:40

But a couple of those moments have actually turned into some of what are now the most incredible, powerful lessons and stories that I share on stage. Because I went into a panic and then I remembered this one thing, and I hope anybody who ever has those moments on stage remembers this the audience does not know what you're supposed to say next, so whatever comes out of your mouth they assume is correct and was supposed to be there. So don't panic, because none of them are holding the script either. Just go with whatever you can remember double back if you need to, but don't bash yourself on stage, don't call yourself an idiot. Done that too. Just keep going with something.

Philip Sessions: 28:27

Yeah, exactly Just keep going.

Philip Sessions: 28:30

Yeah and I'm guilty of that where I'm like, oh man, hold on, let me go back here real quick, i forgot this point. Let me make this point up and share it with you. Unless if it's detrimental to the storyline or what exactly you're sharing, don't worry about going back. That's different. If maybe you're in a business setting, you're actually trying to share this information, that it has to be shared because it's vital. Again, it has to be vital information, for you need to go back to say, hey, i forgot this. Let me go back and reference this. But, just like Steve said, you go in there and just put it in. It doesn't have to be in the sequential order that you practiced it in. You can put it at the end, it's okay. Your audience has no clue. They don't have your script. Heck, we're talking about winging it. You don't even have a script, so what are you worried about?

Steve Gamlin: 29:18

Yeah, just plug into flow, there's always flow. Yeah, we just might not be looking at the right side of the fridge to get some when we need it, but there's always flow, and the greatest one ever. I mean literally forgot what I was gonna say and it was not a deep room, but it was a wide room, mm. And I started at one side and I scanned all the way across, making eye contact, because I just ended with something important. I could not remember what I was supposed to do next.

Steve Gamlin: 29:49

I kind of look over my shoulder at the screen. I'm like that provides zero clue at all And I don't want to hit the next slide and go, oh yeah, and then do that because that's weak. So when all the way across and all the way back could not remember, i grabbed the chair, spun it around, sat on it backwards with my elbows on the top And I said y'all mind if I take a second and explain why I became a speaker And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, they thought it was part of it And it was about a friend of mine who believed in me when I didn't got me to follow my dream.

Steve Gamlin: 30:20

He died three weeks after I achieved my dream. In the importance of having people who believe in you and listening to them when you don't believe in yourself, i made a whole audience of people cry. That's another big important lesson Never leave people sad. Yeah, what? Because I had that gap, because I froze, because I didn't know what else was supposed to say. Next, another story fell out and it turned into one of the most remembered and requested stories.

Philip Sessions: 30:48

And it's an amazing story. I love that story And you should, and Steve shared that on the last episode that he was on, so go back and watch it if you want to hear that whole story. But, steve, i want to go over here to another myth, and that is experienced speakers. Don't feel nervous.

Steve Gamlin: 31:06

I get asked that all the time, because somebody recently said I'm intimidated to follow you on stage. And I said why? And she said you're so confident. And I said, okay, i'm going to peel back the curtain here. Uh, my confidence can barely drive a car and it can't buy a beer yet. And she says don't you ever get nervous? I said, yeah, well, i only get nervous every time. Yeah, now, my nerves may not be the same as your nerves, which may not be the same as anyone else's nerves. My nerves are. Will I get the big laugh that I need in the first 90 seconds, cause I have a lot of humor in what I share And I want to make sure that I've got a good energetic connection with the audience in the first 90 seconds, and then, when I do, we're off and running. If I don't, i've got some fail safes and some fallbacks. You know recovery lines to get there. So I'm, i'm, i've got a very good batting average, but that's the part that I get nervous for. And same here I get nervous, it's.

Philip Sessions: 32:06

it's funny, cause being the speaking coach. Oh, you shouldn't be nervous, you're the one that's teaching everybody. He should be great at it.

Philip Sessions: 32:14

But, honestly, that's what makes me more nervous, because I am the speaking coach, so everybody's expecting me to be great And okay, if I don't do well, then everybody's going to judge me, which then I get my own head and I start coaching myself.

Philip Sessions: 32:24

People aren't judging you, nobody knows they're not. They're not expecting you to be that great, then I'll expect you to be perfect. So here I am, like coaching myself, but I get nervous every time and it's always getting up there on stage, and so what I always do for myself is one try and build myself up, of course, but to know exactly what those first couple of lines are that I'm going to say is it a joke, is it a question? However, i'm going to start in engage with that audience. I know what I'm going to say first, and have that, if you will, scripted, and then everything else is is something that comes from the heart, and it's things that I've thought about in the stories that I'm going to share. Those first couple of sentences are always kind of scripted for me And I know exactly what I'm going to say to help get over those nerves.

Steve Gamlin: 33:10

Yeah, You know, one thing that helps me as well is it's especially great If you know my name can be on the sign or whatever. But if there's not a picture of me as one of the speakers and I never wear a name tag at events I'll take the name tag off. I'll just go network with people and just get a feel for the things that I have in the company, the association, the theme, whatever might be going on. I'll just get a vibe Sometimes. I'll start with one of those things Hey, i just learned something amazing about you. I had a conversation over there. I'm not going to say the person's name, but boom, boom, boom. And hey, i'm really happy to be a part of this. And now you've created a bond with them. It's very real. It's not just Hey, it's great to be here, they're trying the coffee.

Steve Gamlin: 33:53

I've heard I've literally heard people during my first pause whisper very loudly holy crap, that guy was the speaker, and it makes everyone on that part of the room laugh. I'm like okay, in case any of you over there didn't hear that, you know, someone in this area just whispered very loudly when they realized I was the speaker that had been speaking to prior to the event. So you know, you're in great company and I'm happy to be here. Let's, let's rock this hour, let's have some fun, but it's, it's a great connection, cause we all know, hey, it's great to be here, you know how's?

Steve Gamlin: 34:30

everybody today and all those those kind of tired lines when you actually say something that you learned about them in the last 15 minutes.

Philip Sessions: 34:39

It shows that you care. Yeah, my favorite was morning, morning. Hey, i said morning. Oh really, come on, god. So don't be lame. Don't be lame with your introductions, but just get up there. Realize that all of us have nerves, no matter how experienced we are. Let's get on to this next myth Only extroverts make good speakers.

Steve Gamlin: 35:05

Well, i guess if I was one, i could probably give the other side of the answer for that. I spent the majority of my 10 year radio career, in the first decade of my speaking career, trying to be an extrovert, because I thought that's what I was supposed to be. And essentially what I was was a dancing monkey for the people. I was trying to be the life of the party, trying to be loud, trying to be out there, trying to be outspoken, trying to be this, this Tasmanian devil of energy and all that. And you know what It didn't fit. It's not my wiring, it's exhausting.

Steve Gamlin: 35:39

And I finally realized, at most extreme I'm an ambivert, which I believe is kind of in the middle of the two, but I'm mainly an extrovert and I'm great with that. Now, you know it, it, it. It took me a while to be comfortable in that because I thought that's not what I was supposed to be. Yeah, so I, you know I kind of felt like a Jekyll and Hyde for a while, but now I'm, i'm just me And I don't say yes to being that crazy over the top person anymore. People say, steve, we need this. I'm like, yeah, that's not me. It took years to be able to say that.

Philip Sessions: 36:14

Hmm, hmm. And it's so powerful It really goes back to some things we were talking about earlier that you have to be yourself. You can't be somebody else. And for the introverts that want to be speakers, realize there's other introverts that need you introverts to speak and be that extroverted introvert. Because, as extroverts, when we think about salespeople, well of course you can go up and speak to anybody. You're a salesperson, you're extroverted, i'm introverted. I can't go up and speak to everybody. I get nervous, i just want to stay at home, whatever that looks like for you as the introvert. So if you want to have that boldness, just realize that you can have that boldness for your fellow introverts and you can help connect with them in a way that extroverts never, ever will connect with an introvert. You have that superpower by being an introvert that will extrovert themselves to go speak on that stage.

Philip Sessions: 37:10

Yep, sometimes, to me those are the most powerful, not just an introvert in general, but people that connect with the audience and are relatable to the audience are the ones that are going to be the best speakers overall. And typically introverts have empathy and can have. You know, they feel for the audience and they've been through that and experienced all of those emotions and they can share that with that story which relates to the audience and the audience and just it clicks for them versus that extrovert that's never felt that and they're trying to talk about nerves and how you get over that and all this stuff. They're saying what they've learned. They're going back to the book. They're talking about the book. Nobody wants to hear from the book. They want to hear from the person, they want to hear from the human. So go out there as an introvert and speak, because that's a superpower.

Steve Gamlin: 38:04

Yeah, and I was just going to say that the greatest superpower in the world is authenticity. It really is knowing who you really are. And when I finally got that, i said from now on, 100%, never fail, i'm going to be the same person on stage, off stage, backstage, walking down the street or heading down the Captain Crunch Isle at the grocery store, it doesn't matter where you find me. I'm going to be the same exact person, not going to be the Dancing Monkey anymore. I'm just me, and I've had so many people say Oh my gosh, you're exactly the same as you are on stage. I hope so.

Steve Gamlin: 38:42

Yeah, i hope I am everywhere, because I've got a list of core values They're four of them right on the wall over there. They're on the wall in my office, too that I need to live by every day, no matter where I am. Those core values must be intact And I need to also express myself according to those core values. Whether we're on a call like this, on a stage in front of a thousand people, or coaching somebody through their goals, hopes, dreams, desirecoms, i've got to be the same person everywhere.

Philip Sessions: 39:10

Hmm, you're exactly right. As a Steve, i want to get to our last myth here. I think it's going to be a little bit funny, but when we think about getting on stage, the one myth that everybody always says is imagine your audience in their underwear or naked. And why is that the worst thing to do?

Steve Gamlin: 39:31

That is absolutely the worst And I used to have. Back when I started doing standup comedy and started as a speaker, i still had people telling me to do that, and one day I actually just threw it out on stage. I said, you know, i just kind of was nervous and scratching myself And I kind of had my head down. I said, yeah, when I told somebody how many of you were going to be here, they told me to just imagine the audience in the underwear And I kept trying to not make eye contact with them. I said some of you have made some very interesting choices And I just left it there. They fell out laughing And I said, good, i've successfully found a way to skewer that myth and just throw it out there, because so many people say just imagine No.

Steve Gamlin: 40:17

And I just that line became a line of views. So many times If I felt, you know, a bit of nervousness on either my part or the audience's part, as an icebreaker I lobbed that one back out there and I take my little twist on it Some of you made some very awkward choices And then we're off to the races and then we're good, We're on the same level, and that's, you know. That's the thing too, is we're in a position of authority being on a stage. Yeah, we got to remember. We're not talking down to people, we're not imagining them in a compromised position like being in their underwear or being naked. Yeah, you know, i tell people, let's look, i'm not talking down at you, other than the fact that I'm six foot two and on a four foot stage. I said we're, we're having a conversation here. I'm just taller, that's all Yeah.

Philip Sessions: 41:04

Yeah, exactly, and that's such a good point, and I know people come from a place that they want to be helpful and they want you to think that, oh, they're, they're going to be embarrassed if they're in that. So you shouldn't be embarrassed because you're on stage, but yeah, it puts you in this weird frame of mind and you may, and if you're literally thinking about people being naked or in their underwear, who knows where your mind is going, because it could be like oh man, that's a good looking people, i definitely want to see them. Or other people like I don't know about that, like we're going to be good here. So now, now you're thinking about the audience and you don't even think about your message anymore, and you're thinking about the audience in an improper way And you need to be thinking about how you can relate with them, how you can speak into them, instead of speaking at them, which really goes to what you're saying about looking down at that audience.

Philip Sessions: 41:54

And, yes, you may literally be looking down, but you're not looking down on them like they need to grovel at your feet or anything. So it definitely puts you in a in a weird position mentally, and so it's something that you shouldn't do. You should focus on serving that audience. That's something I like to think about is really serving that audience, and how is your message going to help and benefit them? And when you're focused on them, it takes a lot of those nerves off of you as well. It really goes back to what we talked about with the nerves.

Steve Gamlin: 42:22

Yeah, and that's a great attitude too is we are there as speakers to provide value, and I get asked every once in a while, steve, who's the most important person in the audience, you know, besides the person who signs your check? I'm like for me, because some people like to focus on the front, because they can see them and they're loud and maybe they've seen you before. That's why they're in the front. They're trying to be part of the show. For me, it's reaching the people in the shadows. I work the hardest to reach the people I can't see, who are sitting in the dark, who are afraid to come into the light because they don't feel they're worthy of it. They're the people I have to work the hardest to get to and I'm the most humble to reach as well, and I don't talk down to them at all because that's where I used to sit. Yeah, i want to say years, for decades of my life, that's all I felt worthy of was the shadows. So now I have a responsibility to provide as much value as possible to bring them into the light of their own potential with something that I share. So I take this very as funny, as I try to be on stage and weave humor into everything. I take it very seriously, as we all should, and it's not about ego either.

Steve Gamlin: 43:31

I met a speaker one time who said I've got more than 500 standing ovations And he was patting himself on the back the whole time. I'm like you're an arrogant douche for saying something like that. I said that in my head, not to him, because it's not for me to judge him to his face or tell him he's wrong. I got one standing ovation and I cheated to get it. I bet a friend five bucks Just to prove I could do it. I gave a ton of value to the audience and then had them stand up right before I was done and said thank you, good night. And they were clapping while they were standing, but 99.9% up until that park because I had to earn a $5 bet from my friend. Yeah, worth value, poor value, poor value, poor value, and I like that you mentioned that.

Philip Sessions: 44:12

I like that you mentioned that person in the shadows, because I think that's such an important thing. And those are the people that are trying to invest in themselves, that aren't at that space where those people in that front row. They already have the money, they already can invest in themselves, they've already been investing in themselves. But those people in the back that are just finally getting in the room, those are the people that truly need that help. Now, everybody needs help in some way, shape or form, but those people truly need that help And they're dying for that help.

Philip Sessions: 44:41

And that's what I really don't like about some of these bigger stages that you get speakers that come up there and they just pitch the whole time. So you spend a grand, just go to the event, and now you're talking about another three, four, 10 grand easy to spend on all the programs that are being pitched from stage. And I get it. You've got to make money, and that is a great way to make money from stage because you have an audience that's there to learn and it's a very specific audience. But if that's the only thing that you're focused on is, how am I going to sell and maximize the sales, that's, to me, a pretty poor place to be as a speaker.

Steve Gamlin: 45:21

Yeah, I do my best to avoid those. I prefer even when people say oh, Steve, if you can pitch your stuff, I'll wait till the very end and say look, I hope you got a bunch of value out of this. If you feel you need more or you'd like to deepen our connection, I do have programs available. Please see me afterward over at this area. Please don't come out, though, if there's another speaker on stage, because I don't want to take away their audience. So just catch me during one of the breaks. That's all. A lot of times, that's about as much as I'll say. Yeah, yeah, because I'm not. I need to make money like everybody else, and I don't get paid for every appearance. Some days it's all on whatever sales you can drum up. But my overriding, my wiring and my why make me deliver content and content and content and make connection and leave them in a better place than I found them without wondering oh, there's the pitch.

Steve Gamlin: 46:14

I never want to be one of those speakers because I've paid way too much money to see way too many of them.

Philip Sessions: 46:20

Mm-hmm. Oh, I agree, I've been in the same spot there and it's definitely put a bad and sour taste to my mouth for sure, And I know you're not one of those speakers. But, Steve, this has been awesome having you on coming to talk about myths and everything. Change it up just a little bit. It's a great thing to do. Every once in a while Let's go change it up, even though we talk about don't change it up, be yourself. But still, this has been awesome And I hope you the audience got a ton of value out of this. You definitely need to go follow Steve. So, Steve, tell us where people can follow you at to get to know you more.

Steve Gamlin: 46:54

You can find me on social media and all the major channels, And my website is stevegamlincom. G-a-m-l-i-n.

Philip Sessions: 47:02

Awesome. Well, steve, thanks again for coming on for part two. I'm sure we're gonna have many more parts to come. There's plenty of things we can talk about more. Volleyball is hit over the net, so I'm excited for you to come on once again. But thanks for coming on to bust some public speaking myths. This is the blast. Thanks so much.