The Power of Respect and Effective Communication for Top Performers with Justin Rogers

What does it mean to become a high-performing individual? Join me as I chat with Justin Rogers, an entrepreneur who is on a mission to help men live a life without regrets. In our conversation, Justin shares the core principles of his 'High-Performance Men' group and provides valuable insights on balancing life's commitments while prioritizing personal well-being.
 
 We delve deep into the holistic concept of being a 'High-Performance Man,' going beyond financial success to explore the significance of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional capabilities. Tune in to discover how cultivating a strong mindset, investing in personal growth, and maintaining unwavering dedication are crucial for achieving your goals. We'll also explore the importance of celebrating small victories and identifying tasks that truly add value to your life, building your 'mental bank.'
 
 The episode concludes with a discussion on effective communication in marriage and the power of respect in relationships. Justin introduces 'Win 21,' a strategy designed to help individuals develop new habits in just 21 days. We also explore the momentum generated by taking immediate action instead of procrastination. Don't miss out on this conversation that will reshape your perspective on high performance. Take a listen and let us know your thoughts. I assure you, it's a conversation you won't want to miss.
 
 NOTABLE QUOTES
 "I love seeing people win. God blesses us with skills and things in life. I think we ought to honor that and share those things with other people." – Justin
 "A high-performance man is somebody that shows up, someone who's physically capable, and ought to be mentally capable." – Justin
 "We're constantly getting inundated with so much and our mind has to be strong, otherwise at some point we're gonna snap in some way and we could deteriorate a relationship instantly because of the way we react to that If we don't have our mindset right." – Philip
 "The only thing we really can pay attention to is this moment, right here, that we're in." – Justin
 "Celebrate the wins, the small wins." – Justin
 "Really high-performance people do is they set up themselves to win." – Justin
 "I can control the effort, you can control the effort, but we can't control the outcome." – Philip
 "If you set your metrics up to be things that you can control, and then you can win in your personal life and in your business life, you go home with a winning mindset." – Justine
 "The best way to start winning is to do some winning." – Justine
 "Just be honest and communicate about everything." – Philip
 "Communication is a huge, huge, huge tool that most people aren't very good at articulating." – Justine
 "There's a difference for me between listening and hearing." – Justine
 "I get myself in more trouble because I continue just to talk rather than just shutting up and listening." – Philip
 "When you give them 60 seconds and you can pour out your heart and soul in a 60-second window, you've got a big opportunity of hooking that person and building a relationship." – Justin
 "Taking action now leads to so much momentum in your life." – Justin
 "Everything that I've ever gotten in life was on the other side of some kind of action I took." – Philip
 
 RESOURCES
 Justin
 Website: https://www.bekingdommen.com/
 Instagram: https://instagram.com/justin_rogers_official?igshid=ZDdkNTZiNTM=
 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100014151394122
 
 Philip
 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en
 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions
 Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/
 Facebook: https

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:15

Hey guys, thanks for being a part of the podcast here. If you do want to see the video version of the podcast, head over to YouTube there so you can see me, as well as every guest that comes on here, and you can see us live in an action. Have you ever struggled with communicating with your spouse? If you just said no, i know that you're lying, and in today's episode we are going to dive into that a little bit. And I wanted to introduce my friend, local to me, justin Rogers. He has love for helping people win with clarity and simplicity. He has a lot of experience as a high producing real estate professional entrepreneur, commercial construction project manager, real estate development and people builder. More recently, he has started a group for building up men called high performance men, designed to help men create better habits. And today we're going to dive into habits, into relationships, with communication. But first, justin, i want to give it back to you real quick just to tell us a little bit more about yourself.

Speaker 2: 1:25

Yeah, what's up, man? So thanks for having me on. You know I've been doing this thing called life I guess after college, for about 15, 16 years. All of it's been involved in pretty much high performance entrepreneurship, real estate, construction and development.

Speaker 2: 1:40

First company I went to work for out of college was a $53 billion a year company, and so, being around a lot of those people, i got to learn a lot about what it means to be high performance person, and so now what I try to do is I want to help people. I want to help people win, right, i want to see people win. I took that and I applied a lot of those same concepts that I learned in those business days to my entrepreneurship career and real estate and that kind of stuff, and so that's what I love doing. I love seeing people win. I think that there's enough space out there where we all should have an opportunity. You know, i'd say we get to live this life one time, right, we get to do it once, and so I think we should pay attention to that, and then, as God blesses us with skills and things in life, i think we ought to honor that and share those things with other people.

Speaker 1: 2:22

Yeah, i completely agree there, And a lot of times I live the philosophy of if it's something that's been put on my mind and in my heart, that's something that I need to go pursue, or at least look at it and see and try it a little bit, and if it works, great. If it doesn't work, then OK, i'll move on to the next thing. But I like to live a life where I've at least attempted something, because it's disheartening and you hear a lot of old people. That's their regret, not about the things that they they did, it was about the things that they didn't do, the things that they wish they would have tried and not worried about what other people thought about them. And so that's just important for me to not go to my deathbed if you will thinking, wow, i wish I would have done that, i wish I would have tried that, and yeah, i think you're right.

Speaker 2: 3:10

You know that kind of ties back to the idea that we get to do this thing one time and we're all going to lay on our deathbed Right, a lot of people that I know. I mean, i've experienced that in my own personal life with my parents. I've lost both of them and had a lot of death in our family and that kind of stuff, and so I've seen people reach the end and it always encourages me, you know, and reminds me of what can I do, or what am I capable of, or like what you just said. I love that. It's like what did God make us to do? Right? What did God make you to do? What does God put on your heart and your mind?

Speaker 2: 3:37

And then a lot of times we die with that And I don't want to do that And that's another reason I left. helping people win and doing what I'm doing with the high performance men is because I don't want to. I think there's a lot. I think people leave a lot on the table in life out of fear and anxiety and all that kind of stuff, and I think we live it too short when we reach the end of things.

Speaker 1: 3:58

Yeah, i completely agree, and there's been years where I've definitely left too much on the table.

Speaker 1: 4:04

Sometimes I feel like I'm still leaving too much on the table.

Speaker 1: 4:06

There's definitely a lot of things to juggle that I've picked up off the table and start juggling them, and there's things that are still there And I know eventually I will get to them, or I hope to get to them, and that's the plan as well to get some of those things that it's just not that season of life right now. We talked a little offline about the struggle of having a younger kid and you've got to deal with dad duty at that point, versus, whenever they get a little bit older, you can kind of let them go do their thing, or they just kind of ignore you completely, from what I hear. So you've got to do your own thing at that point, and so I know that time will come for sure. But I wanted to dive in a little bit more man like. So tell me a little bit more about what this looks like, like high performance man What does that exactly mean? Because we hear about performance coaches and all this stuff, but what does that mean to you?

Speaker 2: 4:57

Sure. So I think it means something different to me. I'm doing something a little bit different in the space than I think a lot of people do, because high performance to me isn't necessarily related to your paycheck, right? I think a lot of times we put that box first. One of the coaching boxes, basically, is what I call them I use that reference a lot toolboxes, opinion boxes and these boxes. So basically we coach on mental, physical, spiritual, emotional and financial principles.

Speaker 2: 5:22

But I find a lot of times we think high performance man, we think that they've got to be successful and we define that typically related to the dollar, which I think that's a dangerous thing. We put that money box right up front. I mean we put it right up front all the time in order to go man, that guy is successful, he's winning in life. To be honest with you, i know a lot of really wealthy people who are miserable or have been miserable. They get to the end of the road and and even I mean I've done some cool things and done some things and made some money and spent some money and been miserable myself, and so to me, a high performance man means something totally different And that's what I'm trying to get people to understand with themselves and look in the mirror and see. You know that God created something great within you, right, god created something great within me, and a lot of times we set that aside for that dollar box or for some other version of success. But to me, a high performance man is somebody that shows up, right. A high performance man is someone who's physically capable, right, i think that I don't think everybody's got to be jacked like a bodybuilder, but I think that every man should be able to go cut wood. Every man ought to be able to hold his own in a fist fight. I think that every man ought to be physically capable. That's a piece of the puzzle. That also same thing mentally, right. I know that in today's world and things I struggle with is mental stuff. You know we don't exercise our brain And so a high performance man ought to be mentally capable to navigate the challenges of life. You know anxiety, pressure, the money box, being married, having a small kid, having more kids, running a business, starting a business, working a job, all the things We deal with so much stress and anxiety that we never really pour into building this. And even me, physically, you know I've been physically great physical shape before, but been terrible right here. So I think part of high performance man is mentally capable.

Speaker 2: 7:08

And then another big piece of the box too. I always say when's the last time you got in God's word? Right, and they're like well, never, i'm like okay. So you know, maybe that's not the direction for everybody and I understand that, but for me I look at the Bible as kind of like the cheat code of life. Right, it's not really about rules. There's a lot of really good knowledge, wisdom and information in there about relationships and finances and our physical body and our spiritual body, and so a high performance man is spiritually connected. He spends time studying God's word, one of the we teach on biblical principles and two of those things that come together and they remind me of this.

Speaker 2: 7:45

The high performance man essentially is someone who sharpens their sword and strengthens their shield Right, and I use those references because in life, when we're going through life, we have tools that we need to access, but a lot of times we don't spend time building those tools. It could be the mental sword for negotiation or business strategy, or being able to make hard choices in business. It could be being able to have a tough conversation with our spouse or in business, right, that's a sword, a tool that we should sharpen, strengthening our shield. So what that means is being able to put up the defense against distractions, right, because the world that we live in is so full of distractions. I mean they're coming left, right. Tv, that's by, new car, new truck, new shirt, new clothes, new, this new that we're comparing ourselves to other people. So a high performance man essentially strip, sharpens his sword, strengthens his shield and pays attention to himself mentally, physically and spiritually.

Speaker 1: 9:32

And obviously the foundation. There is the spiritual aspect, god within all of that. But what I kept hearing over and over again was really that mindset which I wrote a book Mindset Over Motivation, because that's what I found out as well. I had the fitness down. Fitness was excellent. I was going to church. I wouldn't say I was the best in the best spiritual health, if you will, but it definitely wasn't lacking. It wasn't in a bad spot either. So I would say, you know, maybe like six to eight somewhere in there, we'll just call it somewhere on the higher side, but not a 10 for sure. Fitness was definitely the top, but the mindset.

Speaker 1: 10:11

Once I started doing my bodybuilding show, that's where that mindset really kicked in And I realized how much the mindset played a role in all of that, because I'd had times before where, oh, i'm going to do this fitness show and I wouldn't, and oh, i'm going to do this one and I wouldn't. I think I had three that I tried before I finally and I paid for a coach, which there's a whole another lesson within that that once you start paying some money you're going to actually make something happen rather than make an excuse because the times for that I never paid for a coach So it was kind of like, oh okay, it's not a big deal. But my mindset behind it was like I was dead set, i'm going to do this no matter what. And, yes, that money did help there. But when I had that mental shift and I started applying that not just to fitness but other aspects of life, my life started changing drastically. And I'm sure you hear it in your circles too, i hear it in mine a lot about how important mindset is to every single role And I truly believe, as the man, as the leader of the household, that you have to be mentally strong because it's tough.

Speaker 1: 11:17

Your wife, in most I'll say most situations not all situations or wherever you want to lay this at that the man is typically the one that's more logical And that's where that mindset comes in.

Speaker 1: 11:32

You have to be strong mentally to be able to look and take that emotion in.

Speaker 1: 11:37

And, as a mentor of mine said, like when people are like throwing stuff at you, you catch it, you look at it and then you put it down And if you need to acknowledge it, maybe you acknowledge it, but you look at it and that's kind of your acknowledgement, like I see what you're saying and then you go ahead and put it down, because a lot of times those emotions and everything are distractions.

Speaker 1: 11:55

But as a man, if you don't have the mental faculties in place, if you've not trained yourself up, that is a difficult thing to do. You might be able to do it once or twice, but if that continues to happen time and time again and it's not just your spouse, it can be your kids, it can be from the nine to five, or the entrepreneur world. And we know this phone. We stay on our phone all the time. We're constantly getting inundated with so much and our mind has to be strong, otherwise at some point we're gonna snap in some way and we could deteriorate a relationship instantly because of the way we react to that If we don't have our mindset right.

Speaker 2: 12:32

Yeah, 100%. I mean, the most powerful muscle in our body is our mind, and a lot of people they say a lot of things happen between the six inches of your ears, right, and it's so true, and I can relate to that in my whole life, thinking about mindset and how a lot of our life we spend our whole, we spend it tearing our mindset down right. One of the things I was pondering about today and I haven't made a post about it yet, but I will is talking about how men are. We typically spend time tearing each other down right.

Speaker 2: 12:58

I've always been in a conundrum about men giving each other a hard time. We should be supporting each other, we should be high-fiving each other, but you ever have anybody come to you when you're doing something awesome, you're doing something great, and they're hating on you, right, and it's like we beat ourselves up inside of our mind, and then we take somebody's opinion like that, and then we continue to beat ourselves up. I've found that a lot of times inside of our brain, we create stories that aren't even real. Yet We worry about yesterday and tomorrow. If we worry about what somebody said or what people think, and then it just.

Speaker 2: 13:32

It's all right here, though, but if we have the strength and the mental capacity to go, you know that doesn't matter, and then you know what Tomorrow isn't real.

Speaker 2: 13:41

The only thing we really can pay attention to is this moment, right here, that we're in, and there's a lot of power in that. You know, because, as a dad, a lot of times I call it mental money right, and I say we have a brain bank, so, and we're spending that mental money all day long. We're spending it at work, we're spending it in the gym, we're spending it yelling at people at red lights and traffic, we're spending it making a choice on what's for supper, right, which is the hardest decision in any household, america, and so when we're out of mental money, we don't have it left to give our child or give our wife or whatever that looks like, and so a lot of times, as a man, i find that we're not good at protecting our mindset in that mental bank account, because we're just pouring it out all day on, typically a lot of things that are distractions in life.

Speaker 1: 14:24

Yeah, those distractions can really take away from that bank And that's such a good thing. And I know one guy in particular I can think of that. He and his wife have talked through this and it's like she just picks dinner, she does certain things at the house, because he's like, look, i'm thinking all day you've got to do this for me. I just can't think about that. It's just too much energy for me And you think, like that's kind of weird, like really it takes mental energy to decide on what to eat. But it really does, because you're having to keep in mind okay, what do I want to eat? How hungry am I? What do they want to eat? What do we have already, what we're going to eat later, what's actually here at the house so we can actually cook something.

Speaker 1: 15:05

There's so much that goes into that And it really does take away from that bank. And I like that you call it a mental bank because it's so true. We always take withdrawals out of it. So how do we actually add to that bank? So there's, let's just go with that, I'll go very broad and then maybe we'll dive in a little bit from there. But how do we add to this mental bank?

Speaker 2: 15:27

Yeah, so one of the things that I've found from being around a couple of mentors of mine who are billionaires, right And I've learned that there's a big difference in the mindset of millionaires and billionaires. One of the things that they all talk about and you hear this on a lot of podcasts is winning right, the small wins, which is why I just released that saying win 21.

Speaker 2: 15:43

And I love talking about people winning. One of the greatest tools that I have found to help add back into the brain bank is to celebrate things right. So celebrate the wins, the small wins. But a lot of times, you know, when I'm coaching men or mentor men and I ask them this question or anybody really I say, hey, what does it take for you to win the day? And they're like So that's a good question, you know? and they think, man, i had to do a good job, i had to go to work today, and I'm like well, that's out of your control. You know, for me, what I love to help people realize is winning the day.

Speaker 2: 16:15

If you identify tasks that you want to achieve that add value to your life, that costs $0 and have nothing to do with your paycheck every night when you lay down and you go to bed, you can go. Man, i won the day right. And it could be like for me a couple of minor. I do oil pulling in the morning. I get physical every day. I love to take a cold shower because the hot nature is probably why I'm sweating out. I love to spend time quality time with my wife and my child, and those probably and I love to read every day, learn and write right. So if I do those things every single day, when I lay down, at the end of the day I get to go.

Speaker 2: 16:49

Man, justin Rodgers won the day, and what's interesting about that is none of those really have anything directly to do with business tasks or a paycheck or income, which kind of ties back to what we were talking about in the beginning how a lot of times we put that middle box or that financial box right up front. Where's the middle box? Well, we run out of our middle money because we're not pouring back into our brain bank, right? So that's one of the things I've discovered that really high performance people do is they set up themselves to win regardless of that financial bucket or that financial box, and they do that by identifying those small tasks.

Speaker 2: 17:26

That takes them to win the day, and everybody's tasks are different. Sometimes it's just, hey, i want to take a 20 minute walk, or hey, i want to take a 20 minute walk. Or hey, i want to read a little bit in a book, or hey, i want to listen to classical music, or hey, i want to eat a sandwich every day, or whatever it may be, that adds value to your life, that doesn't take away from your life but is still free and really doesn't have anything to do with a paycheck. But there are things that you can control, right? Everybody loves to win.

Speaker 1: 17:49

Yeah, exactly, and just to throw some business in there and I've done this myself where I'm going to put down a task list for the day and then one of them might be I want to get one sell the day. Well, selling somebody besides going and asking for the sale, is out of my control. I can't just close somebody because it's on my task list Now. If I wanted now, if that was really a goal for me, then I could go what I really should do, rather than say I'm going to make one sell, because what I really need to do is make X amount of calls or X amount of offers that day in order to get an actual sale. So that's what I really should do.

Speaker 1: 18:26

And it's more on the effort than the outcome that we should focus on, which is a key thing, because I can control the effort, you can control the effort, but we can't control the outcome, unless it's something that we're literally doing ourselves. But when it comes to something like that with business, with trying to get a sell, you can't control how many sales you're going to get today. In a way, with an asterisk, you can control the inputs, which is putting in that work, making those sales calls, and eventually you can get to the amount of sales that you want to get. But you need to do that based on the effort, not the outcome, as setting your goal.

Speaker 2: 19:05

I mean of course reverse engineer.

Speaker 1: 19:06

There's all sorts of stuff with that. There's asterisks everywhere. I feel like I could put.

Speaker 2: 19:11

Yeah, no, there are asterisks to all that, but I agree with you. The concept is I have what I call what's called time block right here on my desk And on that time block it has those metrics by which I measure my business today and it has the number of phone calls and the appointments to set and that kind of stuff. And that came from a mentor of mine who literally is the owner of a very large mortgage company in the United States. And the point of that again, like you just said, are things that I can control. Right, you can't control somebody to call you and buy a house, or you can't.

Speaker 2: 19:42

There are things, like you said, there's asterisks and there's improving your closing ratio and all that kind of stuff. And, at the end of the day, if you set your metrics up to be things that you can control, and then you can win in your personal life and in your business life, you go home with a winning mindset, you get to close out the day as a winner instead of comparing yourself to things you just can't control. And so time back to the mindset, like we set ourselves up for failure by setting an expectation that's totally without Or outside of our control, and that's when we're pouring out, we're pouring out, we're pouring out, we're putting out the mental money, and so that's one big thing that I've learned that adds a lot of value to putting money back into my brain bank is setting yourself up to win the day, right.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Yeah, and when you win that day, then your mindset just gets so much better and the way you talk to yourself, you start holding yourself up better, you're more confident, and that's the importance behind that and why you want to make sure you win that day. And I love that you're doing this win 21 that's coming up here in July. That will be awesome. I'm looking forward to being a part of that. I don't know if you're calling it a challenge program, which you call it exactly there, but the win 21.

Speaker 2: 20:54

Yeah, the win 21. So I came up with that. I've been wanting to come up with something And, like I said, man, i just love giving back and I'm super thankful for the things that God's done in my life And I want to share them with people. Right, we live in a world that's full of pain, stress and anxiety. I see that I see people hurt. You know, you go to Walmart, you go to Lowe's, you talk to people and they're just, they're full of hurt, right? So I really want to see people win, and so God has been laying this thing on my heart for a while to create something or come up with something that helps people win.

Speaker 2: 21:22

That's simple, right, simple. I love. I'm a simple person, i love simplicity, and so, instead of making it some sort of crazy thing that you've got to do for a certain period of time, it's like, hey, let's identify those tasks for you, for each individual person, to add value to your life, and do them for 21 days. And there's a reason behind that too. And it's scientifically proven that it takes 21 days to start a new habit. Right, it takes 21 days to if you can quit smoking for 21 days, you can. You can kick it. If you can quit drinking for 21 days, you can kick it. If you can go for a walk for 21 days, you can get it. You could do 20 pushups for 21 days, you can. You can start to knock out some pushups, and so it's. It shifts inside of our mind after about 21 days And so I want to see people win.

Speaker 2: 22:08

And you're right, it starts July 15th. There's a Facebook group for that. It's not really a challenge group, it's more of a more of an offering that I just want to encourage people to step up to the plate and realize that if they start doing some winning Ed Malette says this and I love it. He says the best way to start winning is to do some winning.

Speaker 1: 22:26

Right.

Speaker 2: 22:26

So how? how do you take somebody that you know isn't crushing it in a business or isn't crushing it in the gym, and how do they start winning? Right, that's a question a lot of people ask. So like, how can I win? And it's like, okay, let's figure that out Right? What is it that adds value to your life? Simple, simple, that you can do for 21 days. And if we can start to set people up on a daily winning mindset and then they win for 21 days and they feel like a winner, brother, that's that could make some, some impact, you know.

Speaker 1: 22:56

Yeah, for sure, for sure. And speaking of like impact and making some changes, i think a lot of us have heard of 75 Hard, which is a, a program designed around mindset to help you with your mindset. And of course there's the two workouts a day, drink a gallon of water, and there's these things that it seems to be very regimented and you have to do it every single day, and that is a drastic change, especially if you have not been going to the gym, let alone now you're having to go and work out twice, one being outside. So now your spouse is probably thinking that you're crazy and everything. So how do we go about? if we're trying to create a new habit? It doesn't have to be 75 hard, it doesn't have to be win 21. It could simply be I'm going to go for a walk every day, or I'm going to start drinking a gallon of water, or whatever you decide this habit's going to be.

Speaker 1: 23:46

How do you go about communicating that with your spouse? Because something drastic is like 75 hard. I've had this issue personally, or I've had to have a lot of conversations with my wife, because it does take up a lot of time in your day And it does put. I don't want to call it a dent, but it does put a strain on the relationship, because now it's like, because now I have to eat super clean, i'm working out twice a day at different times, and there's all these constraints that now I have and my wife being loving and caring and supporting a sport of a me. She feels like she has to do part of that now. Not the workouts, but now she has to watch what she eats and all these other things. So how do you communicate with your spouse on building a new habit?

Speaker 2: 24:31

Yeah, you know that's an interesting topic. I think communication with your spouse in general is a tough topic. You know, we're just all made so different. It's funny And my wife will see this and she'll be like, yeah, how do you communicate with your spouse? You're right And you're 100% correct. When we want to start something new, when you want to start a business or you want to take a walk or you want to change some health habits, how do you navigate that with your wife? and being that communication is tough.

Speaker 2: 24:53

Anyway, one of the one of the greatest things I've found for me and my wife is just to be honest. Right, i think simple communication starts with honesty, right? So I was going to start something new with my wife. She's going to want to know why. But we're a lot of times we're ashamed, right, and that that's a problem in our communication with our spouses. We, we want to put ourselves in a box. I'm speaking for myself personally about when I've wanted to do something or start something new. I just kind of hide in this box and behind this thing And I don't want to tell my wife hey, babe, you know I want to do this because I feel fat in my swimming trunks. Nobody wants to say that. But when we, when we get honest, we're like hey, babe, you know what? That's a prime example.

Speaker 2: 25:35

We had a conversation today about Doritos in our household. Okay, right, so I don't eat Doritos. Not a chip fan, we've never been a chip chip people. We don't. We don't eat that kind of stuff. And so we're, we've unpacked from a trip and there's this bag of Doritos, right. And so we're we're always striving to be better in our health and our mindset and all these things. And I see this thing of Doritos sitting on the counter and I'm like babe, we're not Doritos. People Like what is this? What is this, you know? I just like, oh well, matty likes them, matty's our daughter. I'm like I know she may like them, but we're not, we're not. We don't buy snacks because I'll eat them. I'll eat them If you, if we buy Oreos, if I have brownies sitting around, if I have Doritos sitting around, i'd weigh 300 pounds and not in a good way.

Speaker 2: 26:16

And so it's about communication. So what we did? we had a conversation about it. Um, i told her I didn't understand. Right, that's a tough one about how to communicate those kind of things with your spouse, but I really think it just starts with simple honesty And I think that that would go a long way with the spousal communication If we were just honest with each other. Because another thing I found too in relationships, speaking for myself, is pain. Right, there's a lot of, there's a lot of hard conversations we need to have with our spouse about mindset, about physical self, about spiritual self, about money self that we just we don't ever have And those things compounded huge problems in our relationship over time. That's why people end up 50, 60 years old getting a divorce. Yeah, it's communication.

Speaker 1: 26:58

Yeah, oh yeah. Communication is huge And that's helped out my relationship with my wife as well. For us to talk about it, i mean me coming out here to the shed, that's where I come. So I'm in a shed right now, outside of the house, obviously, and I come out here to this podcast and really just explaining to her. And she doesn't care to know all the details about the business, which that's fine, but I try and tell her about, like, what this is doing.

Speaker 1: 27:23

You know who I'm going to talk to, and try and let her know several times instead of just like all right, i'm going out, like I try and let her know in advance, at least the day of, and usually I try and do like a day or two before as well, but I know she's not going to remember my schedule. To let her know like Hey, by the way, I'm going out this evening, and we started doing that now. Like Hey, what are you doing? And then, oh, what are you doing, like? and sometimes she'll ask me and so. But we've been talking And now I know if she's asking me, rather than being the brain dead man that I usually am, i'm like Oh, she's asking. That probably means because we live across street from her mom, so she probably wants to go to her mom's house And so I just say, yeah, no, it's fine, i can do it in the house. Or Oh, no, i've got this Like it's at this time. If you want to go now, go ahead, i'll take care of our daughter, get her ready for bed and everything. So we make those compromises, but it's because we talk through that. And same thing with the dishes Well, cooking and dishes She does the cooking, i do the dishes. It's not a Oh well, that's a woman's job, all of it's a woman's job. No, we've communicated, this is what we're going to do. Or if there's times where I cook, then she does the dishes. Or if there's things going on, sometimes one of us does both, or whatever, but we communicate that ahead of time.

Speaker 1: 28:35

And, yeah, that honesty is so important. And it goes back to what you kind of talked about earlier. We imagine our mind, all these bad things that are going to go on, and I think, as men, we think, oh, crap, man, what's my wife going to say now? Oh, she's going to, she's going to kill me for this. And when you just say it up front, like, yeah, it sucks in the moment, but she's just like kind of over it. At least that's been my experience, where you tell her she's a little upset but she's definitely been more upset if I just try and ignore it and try to act like it's not going to happen, and then she finds out and then I've got to explain it to her, she's like way more pissed than even I imagine. But when I just tell her like Hey, this happened or I need to do this, then she's she's cool about it. So, yeah, just be honest and communicate about everything.

Speaker 2: 29:22

Yeah, i mean communication with your spouse is tough and um, and that honesty piece I mean, we we do, we live. I know spouses who are afraid to see each other and make it Right. That's how. That's how shaded they lives their lives, and that's a dangerous place to be, i think, in a marriage where you're supposed to be intimate with each other, And I think communication is an intimate tool that we underutilize. You know, and you could probably talk about that, because whether it's in your marriage or between friends or on a podcast or business, communication is a huge, huge, huge tool that most people aren't very good at articulating. And I find that in sales and sales coaching or when somebody will pitch me on like Facebook messenger, somebody sends me a pitch and I'm like, man, that's bad bro, like that's bad, yeah, there's a whole idea behind that, but yeah, the whole spousal thing. Man, that's a tough one, but I think you're right, you know, just having that conversation and having that transparency and then just getting it out of the way.

Speaker 2: 30:18

One thing that me and my wife do to benefit our lives, as we're both busy and doing things we have a business meeting, we have it on our calendar, so for Wednesdays at eight o'clock in the evening, right? So every week we have our own business meeting, and I use that because I'm a business guy and I just I can relate to it. But we sit down and we talk about just like we would if we were to have a company meeting. Right, we talk about our schedules for the week, we talk about the schedules for the upcoming weekend, we talk about money coming in, we talk about money going out, we talk about my business, we talk about our business, we talk about her business, we talk about all the things and we have notepads and we have a conversation. We talk about what's for dinner in that business meeting. Hey, what groceries do we have for the next three or four days? Okay, hey, where will you be? Hey, what time will we be cooking? Hey, what time will we do this?

Speaker 2: 31:08

And so, because we used to be so busy, we would get so frustrated because she didn't know what I was doing, i didn't know what she was doing, and so we were just disconnected. And so I wanted to learn how to reduce and eliminate frustrations in life, right, and so that was one of them. Right, set up a business meeting with your wife And man. I'm telling you, that has been a huge, huge value add. Piece of advice that I got from a mentor about how to like if you're an entrepreneur and you're a business guy, you should have a business meeting with your spouse every week.

Speaker 1: 31:41

Yeah, an entrepreneur or not, you really should anyways, because that it's such an important thing. Man, from us talking about finances and us talking about just schedules, and we don't go too far out because I'm the one that has the crazy schedule. My wife's more of a homebody, so normally she's not going out. So I have started planning that myself where every other Saturday normally I'll do podcast and do coaching calls And every other Saturday I blocked out where I don't get booked with that, and every once in a while I might schedule something manually, just because of what's going on with everybody's schedule or if I need to get something in, whatever, i'll talk to her about that. But otherwise, like you know, this is what we do And I make sure to block out that time because I know she's not going to block it out. But, based on our interactions and how things have gone, i've realized okay, i need to be able to give her that time And it is unfair that I take every single Saturday morning in a way, even though we go spend time afterwards. So I've done that as well.

Speaker 1: 32:41

So men are even women that are listening to this right now. If your spouse is not completely on board, listen in, because that's a big part of communication is listening to what they're complaining about, listening to those strife, those things that really get under their skin and annoy them, and do something about it yourself. You don't have to completely have a discussion with them, like I never told my wife that, hey, i'm blocking out every other Saturday so that you can have that time. I just started doing it And now all of a sudden I'm available where she can go do whatever she wants every other Saturday and I take care of our daughter or I take care of things around the house and helping her around the house, so you can do that as well. And that is a form of communication, because you listened in to what their needs were. Because oftentimes Justin, you know this from sales you have to listen to what people really want. They're not going to tell you exactly what they want because they don't know how to express it completely. Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2: 33:41

You know, you got to learn how to articulate the right questions, right, and then you have to listen in it And I always, you know, i don't know where this came from, but I came up with this idea. There's a difference for me between listening and hearing. So if I say like, if I'm like, hey, y'all listen up, it doesn't really carry any weight. It's like talking to anybody. But if my wife knows this and my daughter knows this too, i'm like hey, i need y'all to hear me, i need you to hear what I'm about to say. They're like okay, let me pause the TV, let me put my phone down, let me what you got, what you gonna say. And so again, just communicating. Okay, hey, guys, as a family, when dad and my wife knows this, like I said, when I say, hey, y'all listen up, it's not as important. But if I go, hey, hey, hey, i need y'all to hear me, They go, oh, okay, this is going to be important or it matters, and so again, but that's a communication strategy right.

Speaker 2: 34:32

About letting them know how I communicate. And then a huge thing too is you're right, you got to listen. And I don't know. you know we can talk a lot, but in sales, a lot of people talk themselves out of the sale, and so I find that true. in marriage, too, or relationships. it's like just be quiet for a minute, just listen, it's okay. You know, everybody's going to have a chance to have something to say. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:00

So many people and I feel I get myself a more trouble because I continue just to talk rather than just shutting up and listening And then I also get myself in trouble. So I'm curious if your wife has a tactic for you, because maybe you're like me where you start watching TV or you get into something and you're just like you don't hear anything. Everything around you is just totally tuned out And my wife will still go out and have a full conversation with me. I don't hear anything, and then she gets mad at me but she never made sure she got my attention. So is there anything that like your wife does to kind of help out with making sure that she has your attention before she goes off talking forever?

Speaker 2: 35:39

So yes, and we kind of have that conversation because I've had the same thing.

Speaker 1: 35:42

So and I haven't two by four. I don't want to hear this one.

Speaker 2: 35:50

So if, like, i'm good at doing one thing at a time and doing it well, i'm not really good at doing 14 different things. And so what's funny is is when my wife wants to tell me a big long story, and so if I'm, i don't play on my phone. I don't have any games on my phone. Usually, if I'm on my phone and there's a reason, it's an email, a text message, a business thing or someone marketing something or whatever. So she knows that if I'm looking at my phone, i'm not listening to her, you know. And so one of the things that we had to start in our communication is just to be honest with each other. So if I, if I start pouring a story into her and she can look, she can look at me and go, i can't hear you right now, you know. And that ties back to how we say I need you to hear me.

Speaker 2: 36:29

Yeah, and our communication strategy. And I can do the same thing If I'm doing something. It could be, it could be watching the truck or watching a show, or changing a pool filter or whatever and I could go babe, i can't hear you right now. I know you want me to hear. You wait till I'm done doing and then we'll sit down and I can hear you. And another thing somebody taught me a long time ago in sales is you say this listen, i want to give you the time and the attention that you deserve, so just give me 10 minutes, you know, because it's a respect thing. It's like, okay, i respect you enough to where, if you give me 10 more minutes, i can sit down and pay you the attention that you deserve.

Speaker 1: 37:08

Yeah, man, it goes back to what my mentor talked about. You know, you catch the ball, you look at it, you address how you need to and you set it down. Essentially And I love that analogy because you can you can look at it. You catch the ball, someone throwing a baseball at you, you catch it, you look at it. All right, cool, thank you, hold on, let me get back to it. I'm going to put it down here. I'm not just going to go throw it away. I'm putting it down and I'll get to it. And that's so important in.

Speaker 1: 37:35

We oftentimes think and I'm guilty of this and another plenty of us that are guilty of this were what I have to say is so important You need to listen to me right now, but that your significant other's time is important as well, and what they're doing. They might want to get through it, and you and I are like on this that we want to complete something before we go on to something else. It's hard to halfway do something, and especially like a car mechanic we'll use that as a good example If you're halfway through tearing out an engine, but you're going to forget where you're at if you stop and go do something else, unless you get to a point that you know, okay, i'm at this point here and you can definitively say that, but if you're halfway through tightening up a screw and you're like, oh, gotta go, and then you come back and you're like, oh, and you just keep going, well, you could totally mess up that engine if you don't have something completely done. So make sure you get to a point that you can stop and communicate that with your spouse, cause that is such an important thing that we don't do, and it doesn't have to be a spouse, it could be work, relationship, whatever kind of relationship. Communicate and let them know that, hey, give me one minute or five minutes or whatever it is, let me finish this up and let them know what you're trying to do too.

Speaker 1: 38:46

Don't just say, oh, give me five minutes, i'm guilty of that. Oh, give me a minute. Well, a minute to me, i could really be in 10 minutes. They're thinking. they're thinking 10 seconds especially children, that's the worst one. Oh, give me a minute. 10 seconds later, are you done? You done, you done, no. And then it's like 15 minutes later You're set because you said a minute and here you are, 15 minutes later.

Speaker 1: 39:09

So make sure you say what you're trying to get done with as well.

Speaker 2: 39:13

You know that's a huge thing. That's a strategy that I learned in sales and door to door stuff and knocking on businesses. It's like, okay, people are usually busy and they don't want to talk to you anyway, especially if you're interrupting their day. And so one of the things that I've learned and that I teach people in the sales strategies and when we, when we get into those kinds of things and coaching, is don't ask them, as now is a good time. ask them if they have 60 seconds and then give them 60 seconds, like what you just said. don't give them the 10 minute version.

Speaker 2: 39:43

One of the things I learned, like having to try and have conversations with some very wealthy people about investing in development projects and real estate projects. Listen, they're running a thousand miles an hour. They get a thousand phone calls a day. They don't want to be bothered, but everybody gets on the phone or gets in the conversation. They just jump straight into the pitch Hey, i'm the best this. Hey, i'm the greatest that. Well, if you go Hey, man, you got 60 seconds I could talk to you about an opportunity. Well, they never. they don't hear that very often. They're like yeah, go.

Speaker 2: 40:09

When you give them 60 seconds and you can pour out your heart and soul in a 60 second window, you got a big opportunity of hooking that person and building a relationship outside of a lot of people, simply because you gave them the respect that they wanted just by asking them that question. So that's a good part with your spouse too. You know, hey, is now a good time to do this? No, it's not. That's not a good time. I'm busy, i'm hot, i'm aggravated.

Speaker 1: 40:36

You know, yeah, I know that all too well. man, That's coming close to home. Did you hear a conversation here lately?

Speaker 2: 40:42

No, man, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:48

Well, Justin, man, this has been awesome. I want to get to our last question here real quick, and I'm always curious to see what my guests that I bring on have to say about this. But if you can only share one message for the rest of your life, what would that message be?

Speaker 2: 41:03

Take action right. So I learned that years ago the number one thing that if I could get anybody to do, or get anybody here, would be do it, do something about it. Don't wait. don't get perfection paralysis, Don't chew on it too much. If you want to start getting in better shape and you hear this podcast or you hear this right now get off your high end, go for a walk. We don't wait for a Monday, Don't wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow turns into never. So taking action now leads to so much momentum in your life. That'd be the one thing that if I could tell anybody or get anybody to understand something simple to make a difference in their life would just be go do it and do it now.

Speaker 1: 41:42

Love it, man, and everything that I've ever gotten in life was on the other side of some kind of action I took. Yeah, so make sure you're going to take an action. But, justin, man, this has been awesome. I loved the conversation where we went Talk about men, talking about our spouse or relationships, and communication So many good and important things that we, especially as men.

Speaker 1: 42:03

I'll say that because I like to say that I need to be hit over the head by a two, by four in order to understand Yeah, so sometimes it takes a lot for it to get through our thick heads, but this was an awesome conversation And if people want to learn more about the win 21, want to learn more or just follow you and see what you got going on because you've got a lot going on Where's the best place for them to reach out to you?

Speaker 2: 42:27

Yeah, the easiest place to reach me and all my social media links is beatkingdomencom. I got all my social links on there YouTube, instagram, facebook. You can read about that When 21,. There's a link at the top of the page that goes straight to when 21 and the free content for that. So if you want to hit me up, it's beat Kingdom in and I appreciate you having me. Oh man, i love what you're doing. It's a it's a fun space and it's fun to see entrepreneurs, especially in our local community. You know, out here doing things. That's what gets me excited is you know you're? you're doing something like what I just said. Do something right.

Speaker 1: 42:58

You're doing it.

Speaker 2: 42:59

And that that just gets me worked up, man. So I'm proud of you and I appreciate you having me all.

Speaker 1: 43:03

Awesome. Thanks, man. I appreciate that. I appreciate you coming on the show as well.

Speaker 2: 43:08

Cool man.

Speaker 1: 43:10

I appreciate it. Thank you for listening to another episode of the speaking sessions podcast. If you got anything out of this episode, make sure to leave us a review and share it with a friend. If there's anything you would like to hear on the podcast, please let me know. Shoot me a DM with your question or topic you want me to cover and I'll make sure to cover it on a future episode. So with that, have a healthy and blessed day.