Fostering Self-Worth: Embracing Adversity with Rocky Garza

What happens when you're on the brink of marriage and decide to embark on a new career? Join us as we chat with Rocky Garza, a Texas-born entrepreneur who shares his riveting journey of self-discovery, finding the courage to challenge self-imposed narratives, and helping others to do the same. Listen in as Rocky shares how the stories we tell ourselves can either empower or limit us.

Rocky shares insights on balancing career and family, unveiling his wife's entrepreneurial journey and how they navigated the tumultuous waters of change together. Dive into transforming your life with affirmations, conquering self-doubt, and discovering personal value with these invaluable tips!

We close out our conversation by delving into the importance of recognizing our worth and overcoming adversity. Rocky's inspiring wisdom encourages us to focus on our unique qualities and use them for good in the world, reminding us that our experiences, both good and bad, make us who we are and should be celebrated. Don't miss out on this heartening conversation with Rocky Garza as we explore the journey to self-worth, authenticity, and the power of turning adversity into a stepping stone toward success.

NOTABLE QUOTES
"We said to each other early on in our marriage, if we're going to build a life we deeply believe in, then it's going to always have to be you and me against the world, never you against me or me against you, because we're not going to make it if we do that." – Rocky
"If you only put 50% in, that means you're leaving half of yourself on the table.” –  Philip
“I believe affirmations are wildly important because they begin to reset the dialogue by which we are having with ourselves, which changes the outcome of our actions." – Rocky
"I believe affirmations represent who we are. Goals represent what we are doing because of who we are." – Rocky
“Well, I'm extremely generous. It means that I can give not just my money, but I can give my time."  – Rocky
“I write [six key factors about my character] down every day, not because I need to hope to believe they will come true, but because I believe deeply in my soul that they are true.” – Rocky
"If I am who I say that I am, then my actions must follow suit with who I am, and for me, affirmations represent who I am.” – Rocky
“If I can't look at myself in the mirror and make a claim about what I believe to be good and true about who I am, how in the world do I expect my performance to be the sole justification for my worth and value as a person? It's not going to work.”  – Rocky
“The greatest communicators in the world are those who have the capacity to carry vulnerability in their hand and show it to others and invite them in to participate with them.”  – Rocky
“Why do I want to listen to me? Why do I want to hear from me? What's the thing about me that I really believe is worth sharing?”  – Rocky
“Vulnerability requires two things: it requires an invitation and it requires proximity.” – Rocky
“Great leaders stay just far enough ahead of me that they're willing to cut the branches down so that I don't trip but close enough to me that they can reach back and grab my hand when I need it.” – Rocky
“People are going to learn so much more from you speaking on your failures than they are necessarily your victories.” – Philip

RESOURCES
Rocky
Website: https://rockygarza.com/ 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rockygarza 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rockygarza/ 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rockygarza/ 

Philip
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealphilipsessions

Transcript

Philip Sessions: 0:18

What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Speaking Sessions podcast. And today I've got Rocky Garza on. He is an author, a podcaster and speaker, a truth teller, a change maker and a belief creator, and he is also a husband, a father of two cute children and a confidence maker. And today we're going to talk about how you overcome the stories that you tell yourself and that other people tell themselves. But before we get into that, rocky, tell us a little bit more about yourself.

Rocky Garza: 0:51

Yeah, yeah, well, I appreciate it. Thanks so much for having me on, phillip. It's great to be here. Yeah, so I mean I grew up in Texas mostly. I was born in Kansas but I moved here about a week into my life.

Rocky Garza: 1:01

So I've been in Texas ever since then, lived all over the state of Texas, went to a bunch of schools for a graduate of high school and really have kind of spent my whole life in this pursuit of understanding who I am. Where is my place in the world? What does that mean? How do I see that inner interchanging with other people? I mean, early on for me growing up, you know, I was always the kid that I learned really quickly to survive. I could outthink you, outtalk you out with you, out, communicate to you. I could find a place where I belong because I could make myself known in a really short amount of time.

Rocky Garza: 1:31

Now, you know, hindsight says you look back, did anybody really know me or was I really just kind of making a bunch of stuff up? And you know, probably the latter is true, but in the moment that's where you kind of refine those things and those skills. And so not graduated college, I was a director at a summer camp for a couple years. I was a pastor at a church for a few years. My wife and I started our entrepreneur journey back in 2010. So about 13, 14 years ago as a wedding photographer, and we did that full time together for about four or five years. And then I've been doing this for almost the last decade speaking, coaching, doing workshops and really just trying to help. What we say now is I just really try to help high achievers get out of their own way.

Philip Sessions: 2:05

Nice, and so is your wife still doing that same business and you just kind of split off to your own thing, or no, we found out we were shooting about 40 weddings a year and about half of those were destination.

Rocky Garza: 2:15

So we'd spend 20, you know 20 weekends a year. We'd be traveling someplace to shoot someplace, and then we'd you know 20, 20 of them here locally in Texas. And we just got to a place. We found out we were pregnant with our son, ezra, and we thought do we really want to shoot 40 weddings a year and have kids? You know, in no way.

Rocky Garza: 2:28

And so really my wife because she's amazing said if you could do anything, what would you want to do? And I didn't say this eloquently then, phillip, but I like to believe that I did. I said something along the lines of I could become an expert at anything. I'd want to be a people expert, like if I could really hone in my skills in any area. I'd want to do that. If I could take my life experience, plus, you know, eight years of deeply caring for people, plus, you know, eight years of entrepreneurship, I could jam all that together. How can I help individuals uncover and discover again to your point of what we kicked it off here the stories that we tell ourselves, so that we understand the freedom that comes from, from living a life that's that's vulnerable.

Philip Sessions: 3:02

Man and that's such good insight. I love, I love the, the, what you're talking about there, the eloquence. Yeah, I'm sure when you first started out you're probably like, yeah, I'm just going to help some people with something.

Rocky Garza: 3:12

Like, yeah, yeah, that's that's very much how it goes. You're like I think I'm going to. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to take my life and I'm going to take some experience. I'm going to sell people on that thing. That I can do, you know, because there's like so it's so convoluted until you really, until you really get to a place to dive into it. But yeah, absolutely.

Philip Sessions: 3:26

Oh for sure, man. But that's really cool that she decided to do that and it's it's funny that I had a similar experience there. So in my full time job at the time, well, I was doing independent contract work. And then the next position, I was getting ready to get married and the next job was looking to be I live in Greenville, south Carolina. It was going to be in Chattanooga, tennessee, so about six hours away and basically working six or seven days a week and probably come back maybe every six weeks for a weekend. And I thought, you know, this probably isn't a good idea to get married and then basically be on the road for all this time. And so I kind of like you were, except for you were getting ready to have a kid you're like, yeah, let's, let's change this up. Yeah, that would definitely be difficult, for sure, to try and balance both.

Rocky Garza: 4:13

And then it really yeah. Yeah, we were like there's no, we don't want to do, we don't want to do that. And so I pursued this and my wife did a little more photography and then she started her own business about five years ago. And she said, because she was originally an architect and an interior designer by trade out of college and did that for her first a couple of years right out of school, and then we started our own businesses and so she had actually owns her own interior design architecture firm now.

Philip Sessions: 4:35

Nice, and so I know we weren't planning on going this route, but I like to ask these questions. I think, as entrepreneurs and as speakers, figure out these stories and having this background and understanding, like, what, what did that look like for the marriage side of things, cause that's definitely a difficult thing Trying to step out of the your I'll call it random just because it was something new entrepreneur journey, while your wife also, like you know, lost this whole business that you all were doing together and now you're kind of separated with that and getting the kid in there. All of these things are just changing the how that looked like from the marriage?

Rocky Garza: 5:11

Yeah, great, yeah, great question. So you know, for us we got really fortunate as I look back at the period in my life when we were wedding photographers that five years didn't really have anything to do with photography and it had everything to do with us figuring out who we were and the kind of people in the marriage we wanted to have. We both spent multiple years in counseling, individually as well as together. I led for about three and a half years, every six months I led a recovery group from the church we were at at the time, and I mean in the pursuit of clarity and reconciliation, just as a human has always been something I've been passionate about, something I've always pursued and so I think for us, really, what set us up, I believe, to be able to make that transition in a way that was doable and didn't ruin our relationship, was that we had spent the last three, four, five years doing nothing. We had no kids. We worked, you know we shot weddings on Saturdays and we had engagement shoots and editing during the week, but I mean, we have us pretty much on our schedule. You know we spent four to five years deep diving into who we were individually, both of us in therapy, both of us in couples, counseling and in deep community, unraveling the stories told to us, when we tell ourselves we want our marriage to be so, when we got to a point to where we begin to make some of these bigger decisions do we keep the business or do we close it down? Do we have kids or do we not? Do we start a new business or another business? Do we buy a house or sell a house? Do we buy a car? You know we all the things that happen when you're newly married or into marriage or in a partnership, for that matter.

Rocky Garza: 6:35

I believe the reason we were able to weather it and we still have been. We've been married 14 years, we've got two kids, we've had multiple businesses, we're still both entrepreneurs and own our own companies and have teams that we lead and I think the reason is because we said to each other early on in our marriage I remember looking at my wife and I remember her and I having this dialogue and we said, if we're going to build a life we deeply believe in, then it's going to always have to be you and me against the world, never you against me or me against you, because we're not going to make it if we do that, and we had some mentors in our life at the time. They told us that was their motto in their marriages you and me against the world. So I think now for us, you know a lot of therapy, a lot of counseling, a lot of deep work, a lot of undercovering things in us, but I think, most importantly, the constant reminder that it's that my wife and I tell each other all the time hey, baby, it's you and me against the world. We're not bad, we're not battling each other, we're not fighting each other. We're here to do this thing together, and so we've always been.

Rocky Garza: 7:34

Really, we're both kind of big risk takers, so I think that's worked in our favor. We don't. Neither one of us is very conservative when it comes to the way that we look at things and an opportunity where both like, yeah, let's do it. See what happened. So I think that definitely helps us. But but honestly, like if I believe, if you want to have a great relationship, partnership, marriage, whatever it looks like for you you got to have two individuals who are showing up 100%, 100%. If you're going to build a relationship, that's 100%. I don't think it happens because I'm 50 and she's 50, and collectively we make up 100. That's, that's. That's never going to work.

Philip Sessions: 8:18

Yeah, help if I went off mute, Anyways. So I completely agree with you there that if you only put 50% in, that means you're leaving half of yourself on the table. And a lot of times we think that, oh, I'll meet you in the middle. No, that's not it at all. You have to know and hopefully you, you are both coming towards each other that you technically will meet in the middle. But if you just go to the middle and then hope that they come to the middle, I mean your marriage is going to, yeah, and what I think what I think you live a really great example like how often have we been taught or been told that relationships are?

Rocky Garza: 8:52

you come 50 and I'll come 50 and then we'll meet in the middle and we'll be okay, like I don't. I can't think of anything in my life that I have deeply believed that was worth pursuing, that I said you know what hell? I'll meet you in the middle. Now I mean nothing that has ever been great in my life. If I thought you know what I'll do half and then see what happens. I doesn't. That doesn't work. Like how about? How about we make a decision as a couple that we're going to be together, be in it together and pursue whatever we pursue together. There is no middle. It's you and me against the world and we're next to each other, no matter what happens, where we go and what we do. And I think for us it is. That has been a huge catalyst and a huge factor that has allowed us to continue to build a life that we love.

Philip Sessions: 9:31

Oh yeah, I think a great analogy too, because a lot of times if you're like trying to meet a friend, like hey, let's just meet in the middle, like to either get lunch or get coffee or something, there's never a good spot. That's literally in the middle. Somebody always has to go a little bit further and somebody travels a little bit less, so think about that.

Rocky Garza: 9:48

But why would we? If you meet in the middle, you always end up going to a place that neither of you want to go. Yeah, good restaurants are where I'm at, or the good restaurants are where you're at. So why don't we make a decision? Let's do it together, no matter what.

Philip Sessions: 9:59

Exactly I like that, and so so, going back just real quick, wrapping up the marriage there, I see a lot of that is like communication being that big thing that happens there, that you both communicate with each other. And there was another thing I was thinking and we got sidetracked with that great conversation, so maybe it'll come back to me, but really that communication was a big thing and that y'all really did to make sure that everything was there, and then I think y'all had you know told each other the same story.

Philip Sessions: 10:31

Y'all had a story together. Like you know, we're here against the world.

Philip Sessions: 10:34

So it was a story we're telling each other which really leads into what we're going to talk about here, where we tell our own selves this story A lot of times that man, I just don't know if I can do this. Oh, I don't know if I'm good enough, and I had to talk my clients do this a lot of times. When it comes to do they have a story worth sharing, should they even be up there speaking on stage? Should they be speaking in front of people? Like, who am I?

Philip Sessions: 10:58

I don't have this rags riches story, I haven't overcome a lot of stuff, I haven't become a gazillionaire or anything like that. I haven't ran 20 businesses all at one time and investing in another 15 and then a real estate portfolio and all these things. Like who am I to be in front of people? And so that's a story that we tell ourselves a lot of time, especially speaking, but really just anything in life we tend to tell ourselves that. So I would love for you to kind of dissect that a little bit about how the entrepreneur and business owner starts to tell them these stories that really tear them down rather than lifting them up.

Rocky Garza: 11:38

Yeah, I think it's a great point. So, and there's really two ways we can do this. So I'm going to kind of lay the framework for how I believe doubt, fear, obstacle in security kind of creeps into our life and then really from there, I believe this framework we're going to have can both be applied to an individual, so it can be applied to fill up the human being. It can also be applied to your organization or your business, so your company and they can also be applied just in general, especially as parents. I began to apply thinking about I'm the person telling stories to my kids about who they are, and then you be. Then it's like you just incepted your own thoughts and then it gets too crazy. So, but I think we can use as a framework, right, and all three of those areas. So the to me, the framework works like this there are two narratives that play at our life all the time. I mean, there are two stories constantly running in every single day. The first is the stories that were told to us about us. Okay, this is from the moment you were born up until current moment, right now. What are the stories that have been in our currently being told to you about you.

Rocky Garza: 12:35

A few things about these stories. Number one we cannot control them. I cannot control the things told to me about me. Number two the these stories tend to be a greater reflection of the storyteller than they are of the main character of the story. Okay, and it's really important as we begin to unpack these that we recognize that. But the stories told to us about us tend to follow the language that is very definitive. Things that say I, you always fill up, you never fill up your, so fill up your two T O O, your two, you're not enough, you're. Any language that drives us to the extreme of having too much of something or never having enough of something, tend to be the stories told to us about us that get locked into our brain, that we tend to hold on to and they have room and they consistently whisper to us over and over and over and over. That's that's stories Number one.

Rocky Garza: 13:29

The second stories that are at play are the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Okay, these are the stories that we are saying that Philip is talking to Philip, and when Philip talks to Philip he says things that might mirror or reflect the stories that were told to him about him. I believe, upon the intersection of these two stories creates an opportunity for fear, doubt, obstacle and insecurity to begin to arise in our life, because we are taking something that we've heard about us, we are taking something we have said to ourselves about us and it has become a lower case T truth in our life because we are believing it to be true. And so I believe one step one is what stories were told to you about you? Step two what stories do you tell yourself about yourself that match?

Rocky Garza: 14:18

Step three, upon that intersection, what is the lower case T truth? And I say lower case T meaning it's probably not true, but we believe that it is comes out and that typically is. That leads to a fear, doubt, obstacle and security. The only way we can unravel those stories, however, is not by trying to change the things he will say about us, and that's where most of us spend all of our energy, as opposed to how do I change the stories that I'm telling myself about myself. So I believe affirmations are wildly important, because it begins to reset the dialogue by which we are having with ourself, which changes the outcome of our actions, because we are consistently rewriting a new story about who we are today.

Philip Sessions: 15:04

And you mentioned affirmations there. I know that I've struggled with that sometimes and there I am telling a truth, right?

Rocky Garza: 15:11

There we go.

Philip Sessions: 15:11

Lower case T truth. But I've definitely had this, had struggles with. Saying affirmations to myself is like, okay, I am a millionaire, I am the best looking guy out there, like some of these things that are way out, there are not a truth at the moment, or whatever the situation may be. How do we go about saying these off, saying these affirmations to ourselves that can become truth? Because, like, if I've only made $10,000 a year and I say I am a millionaire, thinking that if I say this over and over again which is usually what said like, say something and it will become true, well, if only ever made $10,000, it's hard for me to believe that. So how do we start saying these affirmations to start having that capital T truth? Yeah, great great question.

Rocky Garza: 15:58

So, number one, I think we need to redefine what we are going to say an affirmation is, and then we need to then define what these other things are we're saying. So what I heard you describe just then is I'm a millionaire, I'm a millionaire, you're someone to speak it into existence, so it'll happen. I heard you. I wouldn't call that an affirmation, I would crawl. I would call that a manifestation. You're trying to manifest something, you're just putting something out there. That's not true, believing that if you say it enough, your actions will follow suit. Okay, and I think that's awesome. I got no, no knocks on manifestations. However, the way that I describe affirmations is, I believe they are a cousin to goals, goals and affirmations, or cousins. And here's what I mean. I have six affirmations that I write down into my journal every single day. I write them down six same six things. I write them down every day. These are not things that I hope will come true. These, I believe, are six truths, not about what I do. These are six truths about who I am. See, I believe affirmations represent who we are. Goals represent what we are doing because of who we are. So let me give you an example Six things I write down every day. Number one I am a loving and intentional husband and father. That is true. I am that person. I am a loving and intentional husband and father, doesn't? I don't have to do anything because that's who I am. Number two I am abundantly wealthy and extremely generous. That is true, doesn't matter how much money I have, doesn't matter what I do. This morning I got up, I got online, I was working. I'm going to slap channel with some of my friends in the neighborhood and one of our friends who's recently separated text or message in the channel and she said a tree fell, a tree limb fell out of my yard, out of my tree. It's in my neighbor's yard. I don't know what to do. I need it to be in my yard, but I'm gone. Can someone help me? Well, you know what I'm extremely generous. You know what that means. It means that I can give not just my money, but I can give my time. I packed it up and I went down the street and I chopped up a tree and 10 minutes later, she's good to go Right, because that's who I am. Number three I do hard things for the most good. I write that down every day, because I believe more person who's willing to do hard things for the most good. It's who I am. Number four I'm healthy and fit and make wise choices. You know what it goes to my head every time I go to the Mexican restaurant and they bring out them bullet chips. I say to myself Rocky, you're healthy and fit and you make wise choices. You're 40, put the chips down. You know what I'm saying.

Rocky Garza: 18:25

Number five I write down I'm a wise businessman who helps create wealth for others. Because that's who I am. I am a wise business, but I don't write business man. I stole a little line from Jay-Z. I say I'm a wise business man who creates wealth for others. And number six I write down every day God is good, god loves me, I love God and I am good.

Rocky Garza: 18:46

See, those six things don't represent my goals. Those six things don't represent things that I really hope will come true someday. Those six things represent six key factors about the character and nature of the human being and the man that I am, and so I write those down every day, not because I need to hope, to believe they will come true, because I believe deeply in my soul, convictionally, that they are true. And I want to remind myself what is true about who I am. I also write down 10 goals every day. Some are short term They'll be accomplished in the next six months. Some are longterm it's going to take me 60 years to accomplish. But those 10 things I write down for me are markers about what I'm going to do today, because of the things I wrote down about who I am, and so that's how I leverage and use affirmations.

Rocky Garza: 19:30

Do I write them down?

Rocky Garza: 19:31

Sometimes twice a day? Yep, do I repeat them back to myself in my head? Yes, when I am frustrated with my kids, when I get angry and I yell and I got to go back and I think it's their fault. They're seven years old, they didn't do what I said. I'm the dad. Pick up your room. Why are you not listening to me?

Rocky Garza: 19:44

And I get frustrated and I say some things I don't want to say. I have an attitude I don't want to have. I have to be able to look myself in the mirror and say you're a loving, intentional husband and father and you do hard things for the most good. So you go back into your son's room, you sit on the bed next to him, you look him in the face and you say son, I'm very sorry, I should not have been frustrated with you, and I was, and so I apologize. But, more importantly, will you forgive me? And I say that more often times and I really want to, phillip, I have to apologize to my kids and my wife more often than I would hope that I would. But I know that I'm not perfect and it's not an excuse for me to have a bad attitude. Let's be very clear about that. However, if I am who I say that I am, then my actions must follow suit with who I am, and for me, affirmations represent who I am.

Philip Sessions: 20:41

Man, that was great. First of all, thank you for sharing all that and I appreciate you sharing the distinction there is. I've definitely struggled with that, like okay affirmations and it's always yeah, I agree with you, it's what at least what I've heard and based on what you helped describe there, it's more of a manifestation. So I definitely like that distinction there. Manifestation is you speaking something into existence. Affirmation is you speaking about who you are as a being, and maybe you can answer this a little bit too, because I would think some of those like, for example, what you use, you know I am a loving father and husband, and maybe you're not quite that yet. Maybe you're like an okay father and husband, but you want to be a loving, you want to be a great father and husband. Is that something you still could have as an affirmation?

Rocky Garza: 21:35

Is that totally yeah? Yeah, because I would say this to every dad Every father is a loving and intentional father inside. Your actions may not yet represent it, because you haven't done the work that needs to be done as an individual to be able to express yourself as a loving, intentional husband and father. I understand that it takes a lot of work. I'm working on myself daily, constantly, and I am. I am. I am nowhere near perfect. No, no client has ever hired me because of my expertise. They have only ever hired me because of my experience, and that's that's because it's a daily practice. I'm good, I help, I, you know my. I I tell, I tell people what they say. What do you do for a living? I say I help high achievers get out of their own way. Oh, what does that mean? But when's the last time you were in your own way? Three times today? Welcome to the game. Yep, me too. So how then do we? We got to come back to some fundamental truths, then, that are about who I am, not about my actions and my perfections. And let me be clear I'm not knocking performance. I'm not saying that actions are not valuable. As a matter of fact, daily action might be the most valuable thing that we're going to do on a regular basis, right? However, if that's not backed by some conventional truth, I believe that I'm just going to be doing it so that somebody else says that I'm awesome. And then what's the point? Cause I, at the end of the day, listen, I like you, philip, but if you don't think I'm awesome, I'm going to hang up this call when we're done and I'm still going to go upstairs and get my daughter ready for bed and I'm going to leave my son again home from gymnastics and then I'm going to talk to my wife tonight and I'm going to go to bed and I'm going to wake up and I'm going to play pickleball at 530 in the morning. Now, do I hope? Do I hope that Philip leaves this call and says yo, I like that dude, we got to do something together, of course. Who died? If anybody says they don't, they're full of shit, yes, they do.

Rocky Garza: 23:20

Every one of us wants somebody else, another human being, to say you're good, you're valuable. In the last 15 years, there's three things. I found every human being. I've never met a person who doesn't want these three things. Number one every person in the world wants to know they're unique. They want to know there's something about them that is unlike anybody else in the world. Number two they want that uniqueness to be both confirmed and affirmed. And the reason I make a distinction is every person wants to know their uniqueness is confirmed meaning someone else thinks it's true and affirmed that that truth is good. Everybody does. And number three, every person I've ever met wants to use that uniqueness for good in the world somehow, some way, which means every one of us cares what somebody thinks.

Rocky Garza: 24:55

Every one of us wants somebody to love us. Every one of us wants to belong somewhere. Every one of us wants to know that we matter. Maybe it's not all frufru for everybody, maybe it's not all emotional for everybody, maybe it's not all woo woo for everybody. I get that. I have in-laws, I have parents, I have old school grandparents. They don't give a shit about what I do and they say but they always say but what do you do, for people pay you to talk to them. That's weird, I know it's weird, grandma, don't worry about it. Nonetheless, right. Nonetheless, our ability to be able to say, if I can't look at myself in the mirror and make a claim about what I believe to be good and true about who I am. How in the world do I expect my performance to be the sole thing, that somebody I've never met, that my performance is going to be the sole justification for my worth and value as a person? It's not going to work. It's just simply not going to work.

Philip Sessions: 25:51

Yeah, yeah, you're right about that. I couldn't help with Chuckle when you said your grandma was saying like, so you help, help them, you talk to them, is the same thing. For me, it's like, okay, yeah, I help people speak better. I'm like, okay, that's kind of weird, but there's people out there that need and want that help to get better at speaking. But it is funny when people like don't really care to have that service. That is like that's kind of bizarre. Yeah, I always go back to an example when I was in Charleston with the horse carriage rides down there very historic town and there's literally a person because of city ordinance they have to have somebody clean up the horse pee and poop and that's literally their business is cleaning up the horse pee and poop after all these carriage rides. It's like you can have a business out of anything. That's right.

Rocky Garza: 26:38

That's right. Yeah, I have a good friend of mine who his whole business is. He cleans chicken houses that he lives in Arkansas and while the chicken farms are and he cleans the chicken house. Here's what's even better. Not only does he get paid to clean the chicken house, he then takes the chicken shit out of the chicken house and he takes that and then makes it fertilizer and then sells that afterward. So he gets paid twice. And, like I'm telling you, if that dude can make money doing that, bro, we can make money doing anything else that we want. Let's be honest.

Philip Sessions: 27:05

Exactly, exactly, man. So I know we've been talking a lot about, like you know, making sure we understand, about, like you know what, what internal dialogues going on, affirmations versus manifestation. But let's talk to this person right now, this, this business owner, this entrepreneur that says, man, I really want to get on stage, I really want to speak, but they're getting inside their own head, they don't think they have that value. What would you say to that person right now to help them get out of their own way?

Rocky Garza: 27:35

Yeah, great, great question. So there's two things I think we got to be able to pull apart here. You know, you know you should know by now if I got to break everything down. I can't just give you a clear answer here.

Philip Sessions: 27:43

I like it, man. It's great, it's great.

Rocky Garza: 27:44

Like, like you know, we got to put, we got to pull it apart. So if someone says to them, so look in the mirror, they go. I just don't even know what. I would get on stage and say one number one why would anyone want to hear from me? And two, if they did, what story do I have that is unique and dynamic enough that people would want to hear it? So I think it comes down to number one.

Rocky Garza: 28:00

Let's answer the first question why would someone want you to be on stage? Why would someone pay you to be on stage? And I think we have to start there by going. What is something that is true about you? That when you step on stage, you give me the opportunity to see, and I believe the greatest communicators in the world are those who have the capacity to carry vulnerability in their hand and show it to others and invite them in to participate with them. So why would anyone want to listen to me? If you're not willing to show individuals who you are, I'll tell you they don't want to listen to you, because I can hear whatever I want to hear on YouTube. I don't need to hear it from you on a stage. However, I don't care how effective you are on YouTube.

Rocky Garza: 28:43

What you can't get when you have a human on a stage looking at other humans is someone who's willing to walk on stage with vulnerability in their hand. What I mean by that is someone who's willing to walk on stage and invite someone into a conversation in an environment where they are willing to engage with a personal experience about their life that they believe you can relate to. That's what someone wants to hear from you on stage. It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter really how eloquent you are. It doesn't matter if you have the ability to use your voice at a high rate of speed to get people in, so they have to really pay attention. And when the moment is right, you get your voice lower and slow, so they really have to. It doesn't matter. That's not what's important. It definitely helps, but that's not what's important. Are you willing to create an invitation to allow someone in?

Rocky Garza: 29:23

So the reason you struggle with answering the question why would anyone want to hear from me I believe is because you haven't answered the question. Why do I want to hear from me? And we haven't allowed ourselves yet to identify. Well, what's the thing that I believe is worth saying about who I am, because if we don't identify that you're right, nobody else wants to listen to it either. So I think we got to start there. Why do I want to listen to me? Why do I Like, why do I want to hear from me? Right, what's the thing about me that I really believe is worth sharing?

Rocky Garza: 29:58

Second part of your question is and how do we really unravel and uncover that story? Great, great question. Start by asking yourself what stories have you been telling yourself that aren't true, and what is the truth in that story? And then how can we start building off that? There's a podcast I used to listen to a long time ago, a speaker's podcast, and they always end the podcast by saying if you want to speak, speak. Just a reminder, folks, if you want to speak, speak. A lot of us, a lot of us, need to start speaking to ourselves in a new way before we decide we're going to get on the stage and speak to somebody else.

Philip Sessions: 30:33

Again a good, I mean just a mic drop right there. On that, I could not agree with you more that we really need to figure out those two things. One, why maybe I'm getting I might begin this a little wrong. Why do I want to be on stage in the first place? Right, that was number one. And then, and then number two what stories am I telling myself?

Philip Sessions: 30:57

And share those things and really just being vulnerable, because you're right, and you must be listening to some of my videos, not just kidding, but but that's stuff that I talk about because I'm like we got to focus on your story, we got to focus on your message before we worry about all this vocal variety, tonality, using your hands, walking across the stage, all of these things. That's not the thing that's important. Yes, it will help, yes, it makes your speaking more effective, but if you can't even capture somebody with a story, it doesn't matter how well you speak, it's gonna fall on deaf ears because people aren't interested, because they don't feel that you're there. And, like I said, like having your vulnerability in your hand as well, wow, I mean when you think about it, like in your hand, it's just exposed, it's out there. You can't go, put it in your pocket. You're not gonna pull it out of your pocket or anything like that. It's just in your hand. And you're right. You have to show that.

Philip Sessions: 31:55

And the person that is vulnerable first is often the person that people look up to and they admire the fact that they're willing to put themselves out there and even get Get it crushed, get that vulnerability crushed, their soul almost crushed. But the funny thing is, as humans good humans at least we're never gonna crush somebody that's being vulnerable. We're gonna listen to them, we're gonna feel for them, we're gonna be there with them and really lift them up. And too often we're afraid of that and that's when you don't get lifted up and you don't really help anybody, because you're not putting yourself out first, you're not going to a hundred percent to them, you're trying to meet them in the middle and hope that they come to you. That's never gonna work out on stage. It's never. It's it's you know it's, it's.

Rocky Garza: 32:47

I couldn't agree with you more, philip. It's never going to work in the vulnerability requires two things it requires invitation and it requires proximity. It requires an invitation to say do you want to join me in this place in my life? And Proximity, meaning that we get close enough, sometimes physically High enough proximity that I'm willing to really see you, know you and trust you. And so, again, before we can take that to the world, we have to be able to do that with ourselves.

Rocky Garza: 33:14

When's the last time you invited yourself to have a conversation with yourself about what you were really thinking?

Rocky Garza: 33:19

When's the last time that you were willing to slow down and be quiet long enough to hear from yourself in such a way that you actually felt like you were close to yourself? Right, I'm telling you it sounds really weird and it kind of is but go get in front of a mirror, look at yourself in the eyes. I would bet, if you're listening right now, you haven't look. You haven't stopped to look at your own eyes, to actually see what it is that you're doing, the stories You're telling in a really long time, and that alone, that alone creates vulnerability. And that may just be the first step you need to take, to begin to see and discover and understand what message it is that you have, what it is that you've experienced and what it is that you can bring to the world hmm, and Sharing those experiences that you have is what helps you connect as well that vulnerability, but also those Experiences, because what you've done and you know this is a coach too it's not about being 10, 20, 30 steps ahead of somebody.

Philip Sessions: 34:16

It's literally being one step ahead of somebody because you can teach somebody to take that one step. Okay, maybe they'll pass you up because they got that one step, and then boom, they've taken a leap, ten more steps forward, and that's okay. But in that moment you are teaching people to get to the next step, and that's all it takes. And too often, when we're going to get on that stage, we think we need to be that person that is way ahead of everybody in the audience. And, first of all, if you're at a big conference, most likely there's gonna be people that aren't struggling or don't need that advice or that story that you're sharing, and that's okay. But you're there for that select group of people that you can reach and so you have to share that story Because you're where they want to be.

Rocky Garza: 35:05

I Totally agree. I think that some of the greatest leaders in the world recognize that they're not great leaders because they have already Found the answer to my problem. They are great leaders because they stay just far enough ahead of me that they're willing to cut the branches down so that I don't trip, but close enough to me they can reach back and grab my hand when I need it hmm, and Andy Presella has mentioned this, it was in relation to stories.

Philip Sessions: 35:28

But one thing he says that, like you know, people Like to see that you're just like them but you're just like one step ahead of them and that you're just a little bit ahead of them, just like you said.

Philip Sessions: 35:40

Like they're you know, cutting down the trees, cutting down the grass and being right there ready to grab them, you're not so far out of reach that they can't relate to you and that's the thing. And so, if you all know Andy, for Zella he's got like a nine-figure business, ten figure, I don't know. He's doing very well for himself with one of many businesses that he has, and so let's say he was your business mentor, it would be difficult to relate to him. But if you have a six-figure business and you're talking with somebody that's in a low seven-figure business, you're gonna be able to relate with them a lot more than somebody it's got a nine or ten figure business or a Warren Buffett who's got so much money. So it's not about being the ultimate, the greatest, it's about just being a little bit better than the people that you're speaking to. So, no matter where you're at, you can speak to an audience and help them out.

Rocky Garza: 36:32

That's right, there's always. There's always somebody willing to listen. You just got to determine whether or not you want to say it.

Philip Sessions: 36:36

Exactly so. Let's take a little bit of shift here. So now we've gotten people hopefully over the fact that they feel like they're not good enough that they're. They've been in their head and hopefully we're getting them out of their head, but maybe they still just lack a little bit of confidence. What would you tell them to help boost their confidence up? To go on out there and start speaking more and more, yep, yep.

Rocky Garza: 37:01

Great question. You know, I think on this and I'm gonna keep it as simple as I can when you make a decision and you believe a very simple statement, I believe everything else will begin to cascade and fall in place. That simple statement is I would just want you to be able to look in the mirror and I want you to say to yourself that you are good. So many things in our life, we have experiences, we have pain, we have trauma, we've been through survival, we've we've seen, we've seen hurt, and we believe that it's only the success that is going to allow people to want to hear what it is that we have to say, when the reality is that it's actually all of the things that we have experienced over the course of our life, that's actually what creates and makes us who we are.

Rocky Garza: 37:53

All the things that you've experienced, good and bad, those are all the things that make us worthy and valuable. And so, if you're thinking right now, man, I really want to speak. I want to be a speaker, but I'm not sure. Start with this simple truth that you are good. Work on that truth every day. Find ways to communicate what makes you good. I'm not talking about worthy in the eyes of others. I'm saying in your soul what do you know makes you good? When you can land on that and you can come up with a couple stories that prove and show how that's the case, that amidst all of the chaos you are good, amazing things begin to happen.

Philip Sessions: 38:37

Man. So true, and something I thought about, as you said that was you know you could talk about success, success, success and that's great and you do need to show some of that. But just like we ourselves, when we fail, we learn from that failure. People are gonna learn so much more from you speaking on your failures than they are necessarily your victories. Yes, you should still show some of those, because if all you talk about is every failure you ever had, people might question you a little bit. But talking on those failures and teaching around those failures as stories of Overcoming and learning from them is gonna be so much more powerful than.

Philip Sessions: 39:20

Yeah, you know I invested in this business and then all sudden it went from six figures eight figures and it was great. You know we had no troubles, like nobody's gonna get anything out of that. But if you talk about those struggles along the way, along that journey, that's I mean, first of all, they're gonna learn, but secondly, it's gonna be relatable, because everybody knows you're saying a bunch of BS there. If you're acting like nothing bad happened, that's right.

Rocky Garza: 39:43

It's like right things right, and you being able to communicate to me and tell me what happened actually shows me all the good things that are true, yeah.

Philip Sessions: 39:53

Hmm, so true, rocky man, this has been, this has been really awesome. I do want to get to our last question here, and I think it's gonna be a good one too, based on everything else that you have shared. But if you could only share one message for the rest of your life, what would that message be?

Rocky Garza: 40:10

Yeah, the single message would be hey guys, back to what we said earlier. If I could share one message the rest of my life, it would be that you are worthy and valuable. You are worthy of putting in the work to make sure that you can uncover the lies and the fears that you believe, to see the good, true, beautiful things about who you are. That you are unique, it is true and it is good, and there is a place in the world for you to create impact on the lives of others Because of your uniqueness and your goodness and I may have lied.

Philip Sessions: 40:42

I'm gonna ask you a little bit deeper on this. So what makes you, what made you decide to start sharing that message Specifically? I think this will help tie in all that we talked about on this episode.

Rocky Garza: 40:55

Yeah you know I have been. I'm 40 years old this year and I've spent the last. I know people say you spent 40 years. You didn't really cuz you were young, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I've spent the last time, I Don't know the last 40 years trying to figure out where I belong.

Rocky Garza: 41:10

Philip, I was in the last 40 years trying to determine why did my parents get divorced and I was young? Why did my mom get married five times? Why did I go to 13 schools? Why did I live with my grandparents? My mom lived five streets away the whole time. Why did I always have broken relationships? Why did my first good relationship was she cheating on me and I had a broken engagement. And I could go on and on, and on and on.

Rocky Garza: 41:29

I spent my whole life trying to pursue am I good, am I worthy? Am I valuable? Is it doesn't matter? Is there anything good that I can bring to the world? Because it seems that every place I'm involved, something terrible falls apart.

Rocky Garza: 41:40

And so in that pursuit, I have consistently found that the more work that I do to uncover who I am, the more goodness that I find. The less work that I do to uncover who I am, the more BS I find that everybody else wants me to believe about who I am. I'm not trying to tell you that I'm fake. I'm not trying to tell you can just make up who you are.

Rocky Garza: 41:57

There's, it's, something deep core inside of who we are that is founded by the way we see and have experienced life early on in our life. But uncovering the goodness and what that is has given me a level of clarity and freedom and connection with other people that I can't even begin to describe to you Then. So I've made a commitment in my life and I'm going to spend the rest of my life Helping other people do that, helping high achievers get out of their own way. Most of us have enough grit in us to get to some place, decent and valuable, but I believe every human being desires something significantly more than decent and valuable. But to get there, I believe we all need help. I want to spend the rest of my life helping us uncover what those things are, seeing the goodness about us, the things that make us worthy and valuable and unique, and figuring out how we can bring that to the world.

Philip Sessions: 42:42

Hey, another mic drop right there. But if people want to Get to know you more, they want help with that, coaching or just following you on social media. Where's the best place for them to find you? Yeah?

Rocky Garza: 42:55

great question. So there's not a lot of bald guys out there with big eyebrows named Rocky. So you can Google me or you can just go to Instagram. It's just at Rocky Garza. Every other thing out there is just at Rocky Garza. Instagram, facebook, linkedin, tiktok I'm out there, I'm on all of them. Easiest way just shoot me a DM on Instagram. You can just shoot me the word coaching. You know it'll get you taken care of. We'll get you set up with some more information. I send a text message about every day, monday through Friday, called the Daily Rock. It's a way to challenge, encourage, motivate you. You can get that to link in my bio from Instagram, as well as a weekly podcast called the weekly rock, where we take a big concept and break it down in five minutes or less every Monday morning. So any of those things are great ways to connect. Anything that I can do to care for your, serve you and I would be, I'd be honored.

Philip Sessions: 43:35

Nice and I like those little puns there. The Daily Rock in the weekly rock, that's awesome. But Rocky man, appreciate you coming on and sharing so much value. I know the audience got a lot out of this. Guys make sure to follow Rocky and Share this episode because this is a great one with tons of nuggets within it. But thanks again for coming on the show. Yep, absolutely. Thanks for having me feel. Appreciate it, you.