Crafting Memorable Speeches for Profound Connections with Sheral Devaughn

Dive into the transformative world of communication coaching with Sheral Devaughn, our esteemed word whisperer. In this episode, we explore the landscape of the speaking industry, discovering the power of personal narratives and authentic delivery to captivate and move audiences. Sheral's insights, adorned with automotive metaphors, reveal that while our communication style serves as a versatile vehicle, it's the personal touch in our story that resonates profoundly.

Wondering how to forge genuine connections with any audience, big or small? We unveil the magic of infusing vulnerability into our public persona, creating beacons that draw people in. This episode transcends mere talking; it's about authentically striking chords that echo in the hearts of listeners. From dissecting the elements that make speeches memorable to emphasizing the impact of unscripted, genuine moments, we illuminate the path to profound connections that inspire action. Join Sheral and me as we navigate the realms of leadership, crisis management, and business communication, offering strategies to amplify your impact and engage in meaningful dialogues. Tune in to refine your dialogue skills, elevate your communication game, and foster connections that transcend time.

NOTABLE QUOTES
"There's any kind of competition, two people can have the same message but will impact different people with that same message." – Philip
"Connection is the key thing when it comes to communication." – Philip
"The best conversation you can have when you're looking at a diverse audience is to listen." – Sheral
"When you take that extra 10 [or] 15 seconds and just be quiet, they're going to fill in that gap again. You're going to hear different things, where you can ask more questions and gather more information." – Sheral
“People are so afraid of silence and they're just going to continue to talk to fill in that silence." – Philip
"People want to be heard and you're giving them that platform to share their voice." – Sheral
“If you're giving a speech on a stage in front of 10,000 people, you're not going to connect to every single one of them. Speak as if you're speaking to one person.” – Sheral
“Be you. They'll come to you, they'll find you and those are the best people you want anyway.” – Sheral
“When they show behind-the-scenes or less polished content, that tends to be the content that does way better than anything polished. People want to know who you are.” – Philip
“We're running a race, but we're all at different mile markers.” – Sheral
“You don't have to have all that flash and that polish talk.” – Sheral
“Everybody's style is going to be different. That's the beauty of it.” – Sheral
“You have to have your message delivered in such a way that people not only hear it but they understand it and they're receptive to it.” – Sheral
“Know your situation, know your audience, know where they are, what their headspace is, and what language they're open to hearing.” – Sheral
“Communicating is the number one piece that you can have when you're in business. If you don't have that nailed down, you're not going to get the success that you're looking for.” – Sheral
“Teachers can be taught too.” – Sheral
“People want to be valued.” – Sheral

RESOURCES
Sheral
Website: https://speakingwithsher.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/speakingwithsher/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/speakingwithsher
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/c3specialties

Philip
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealphilipsessions

Transcript

Philip Sessions: 0:15

What's up guys? Welcome back to another episode of the speaking sessions podcast. We are in for a treat today because we got Cheryl Devon here, who is the word whisperer. She is a three time number one rated radio show host, podcast host, keynote speaker and professional MC, amazon bestselling author and Magazine contributor. She has spoken to global audiences and has voiced commercials and marketing pieces nationwide. She is the founder of speaking with chair. That's right. Another speaking communication coach.

Philip Sessions: 0:53

Who knows how long this is going to be. She is a communication strategy in consultation service, using customized techniques to connect your voice and your message to your ideal audience, and she has created the messaging to launch celebrity cosmetic lines and has narrated number one bestselling books. But today we're going to talk about the importance of coaching in general. We're going to talk more specifically about why speaking and communication coaching should be at the top of your list when it comes to getting a coach over business sales marketing. All of that and through this episode our goal is to share with you exactly why you need to look into a speaking or communication coach. The Cheryl welcome to the show. It's been a long time coming to get you on, but we're finally getting you on.

Sheral Devaughn: 1:49

I'm really excited about the conversation we're going to have tonight. It is we are way overdue and I love the fact that you've got two people In the communication industry in the space and we're not competing, we're not, we're not anything, we're just having that conversation and sharing where we come from, our experiences and what we find works. I can't wait to hear some of your thoughts on some of the topics we're going to be going through.

Philip Sessions: 2:18

Yeah, and I know we've talked a little bit offline about this actually a lot offline about a lot of these things and really just going back and forth with this but really is all about abundance, and I think th at's the first thing I can think of. For us to really talk about is the fact that you mentioned how we're both speaking coaches in the communication space, all that stuff. Yet we don't feel like there is this conflict, if you will, or there's any kind of competition, because when we think about speaking, two people can have the same message but will impact different people with that same message. S o I would I would like to start off with that, like what are your thoughts on that? Because we see people that are motivational speakers, like Tony Robbins or Ed Milet, and those two actually I believe Ed learned a lot from Tony, and so they have very similar Messages and very similar styles, yet they impact completely different people. So let's start right there with how your message doesn't have to be completely different than anybody else's on the world, and why is that?

Sheral Devaughn: 3:23

Well, I think the best way to sum it up would be to give an example. You and I know a lot of people in the automotive industry, a lot of people, and let's, let's take I've got an old beater of an SUV 2006 Nissan XTERRA, with, you know, coming up on 300,000 miles on her, and I won't give her up for any reason. I'm gonna drive her until she dies. My husband will sit back and say why, why not get you know Porsche SUV? Why not get you know Mercedes SUV? What have you? And they're both going to get me where I need to be. You know they, they both drive, they both have a lot of similar features. Maybe one is a little fancier than the other. For me, though, I don't want the fancy. I want something that's going to take me down to the river and get all dirty, that I can, you know, toss an 18 foot kayak up on top and and I'm not worried about it getting scratched up the Porsche or the you know Mercedes or whatever SUV that's. For me, that's. That's a little too fancy.

Sheral Devaughn: 4:41

Now we're delivering the same, the same thing. It takes you on your ride, it gets you to the same locations, it can do a lot of the same things, but we each need a little bit of a different, a different right. We're looking for a different vehicle, if you will. Same message, different vehicle.

Sheral Devaughn: 5:00

And I think that's what makes you know people like Tony Robbins and Ed Milet, where they're sharing similar conversations but it's a completely different off audience it's. It's what the person, the vehicle, it's the different vehicle that they're looking for and it's got a different personality than Tony does they have. They have that, that almost you know. I won't say identical, because they are a little different, but it's a different drive and you've got to take into account that not everybody wants to drive that same vehicle and that's how, how messaging and communication and speaking is same destination. We're all going to get there, but you want to drive something a little bit different and that's why you know there's there's so many different varieties. That's why you and I can sit at the same table and not have to worry.

Philip Sessions: 5:54

Yeah, I agree with you there and I think it's a great explanation. For sure, with the vehicles, and we all want to drive a different vehicle, even if it is to the same destination. I think of Grant Cardone as well. He's super flashy. That's not somebody I'm really into. As I've gotten more into business, I realize more and more why he's the way. He is very voiceless and everything, because you have to have a lot of attention in order for people to want to do business with you. But that's a whole different thing. But he's still super flashy. So some people love that. They love the jets, they love the Rolls Royces, which is, ironically, vehicles there and everything.

Philip Sessions: 6:31

But then, but what I always talk about too, is our background. Our personal story is something that's going to help us relate, obviously right here Well, obviously, to some people not the woke people out there, which they're probably not listening to this that you are a woman and I'm a man, a male, female, here. So we have that automatic difference right there. But, of course, how we grew up and everything like that, just our background differences, make for us to have a story that then connects with the audience, which we talked about this offline as well. That connection is the key thing when it comes to communication, and so we talk about the different vehicles.

Philip Sessions: 7:12

But how do we use our different vehicles then to connect with our audience? I think that's something that we all struggle with. From time to time, we come to a new audience, maybe a little bit unfamiliar audience, and we need to figure out or they're really diverse as well. Sometimes, especially, you go to these maybe board meetings and everybody's got a little bit different personality, even though they work for the same company, but you need to get a majority of them bought in to what you want them to buy into. So how would you go about making sure that you can connect with a somewhat diverse audience.

Sheral Devaughn: 7:47

When I go into a situation like you just described, the best thing that I can do shut up and listen. Let's face it, people love to talk, they love to have a platform where someone takes an interest in them, and so it's not going to take more than a few questions. I think the best conversation you can have when you're looking at a diverse audience, listen, listen to everything and listen for the patterns, the commonalities. Commonalities is one of the biggest things that you need to look into if you want to be successful in any endeavor. Find the commonalities for connection. So I'd walk into a room like that, ask a few questions and let the person talk.

Sheral Devaughn: 8:37

The other thing that is, it's just normal for human behavior is people don't feel comfortable with the silence. If you can just, like I said, shut up and listen, they'll finish speaking and thinking okay, now the other person's going to jump in and jump over the top of me and they're going to verbally puke themselves all over me. That's the best way that I can call it. When you take that extra minute maybe not a full minute, but take an extra 10, 15 seconds and just be quiet they're going to fill in that gap again. You're going to hear different things, where you can ask more questions and gather more information. You could be in a room full of 100 people. You'll get 10 different conversations and you'll start picking up on the commonalities and you'll see exactly what it is that that group is looking for. You'll be able to figure out a lot easier how you can best serve them and solve their problem. Listen and ask questions.

Philip Sessions: 9:45

Yeah, that is so great. I know I've done that with coaching before and sometimes by accident that's actually happened, because the client will say something and they'll kind of ask a question, and then I'm like I'm really thinking about it and not trying to purposely put the pause in there so they'll start talking again. But then I'm like, okay, they just said this, how should I respond to this? I'm like genuinely thinking and then all of a sudden they just start talking some more and because they started talking more, it actually opened up to what they were actually looking for, because I was missing something, but I didn't know how to necessarily address it or what question to ask to get out the information I needed. But I just had this feeling like I'm really missing something. What am I missing here? Trying to think a little bit and needing that time, and then they just started talking more and they're like, oh, there it is. It's just funny, and it doesn't have to be 10 or 15 seconds, literally two or three seconds.

Philip Sessions: 10:39

And I know that seems like no time at all. But when it's a pause and I do this going into work sometimes too, or I'm listening to a podcast and the podcast host will pause for like one or two seconds, I'm like wait, am I about to get a call that I get a text Like did it go on pause, what happened? And I'm already thinking about that, let alone when you're in front of somebody and you pause like that. You're right, people are so afraid of silence and they're just going to continue to talk to fill in that silence.

Sheral Devaughn: 11:08

They will, and if you don't get your questions that are going through your head answered that's when you come back with a question and it's simple you just sit back and say, may I first ask permission, Could I ask you a question? And usually they're like yeah sure, you know it opens everything up. Say you mentioned this. Could you explain that a little bit better? I don't quite understand what you mean by that. They're going to jump in, they're happy to share with you and explain it, because people want to be heard and you're giving them that platform to share their voice.

Philip Sessions: 11:46

You're so right. People love to be heard and that's their favorite thing. Their favorite subject is them to hear themselves to talk about themselves. So the more that you can get them talking about themselves, the better, which, in turn, is how you're going to be going to be able to connect with them, because now you're armed with a lot more information beforehand. So we've kind of been more on this whole like intimate room where you can really go in and ask questions. But when it comes to an audience where maybe it's over 10 or 20, whatever that number is where you really just can't have that intimate, almost one-on-one conversation to get to know people, how would you go about connecting with the audience then?

Sheral Devaughn: 12:27

At that point you speak to your own story, your own strengths and your own vulnerabilities. So if, let's say, you're on a speech or you're giving a talk, you're on a stage in front of 10,000 people and I've had that happen before how do you connect to 10,000 people? Well, you're not going to connect to every single one of them. Speak as if you're speaking to one person. Who is that person that you would most want to connect? And picture that person in your mind. Come up with a name I mean, we talk about doing the who's your ideal avatar, but actually think of them and speak to them. And then, toward the end, your call to action is to invite them to connect with you, whether it's hey, come see me at the back of the room at the autograph table, I'd love to hear more of your story or here's a free gift that I'd like to invite you to do.

Sheral Devaughn: 13:28

You'll get the people that are your best people, the ones that resonate with what you're saying, just purely from there, and it may not be in that moment. They may wait a day or two, they may wait a month or two Heck, in some cases they may wait a year or two just to see what you're doing, but you've resonated and connected. It's like social media Not everybody is going to comment or like, but they're paying attention. Just keep speaking to what you know. They'll show up and you won't have to work so hard at all. Right, who am I connecting to? What do I need to do? No, be you. They'll come to you, they'll find you and those are the best people you want anyway.

Philip Sessions: 14:12

Yeah, it makes me think of these buzzwords that we use nowadays on social media vulnerability, authenticity, like being your true self, and while these are all great things, they aren't just buzzwords. At the end of the day, and if you are just trying to pour yourself out and just be super vulnerable and authentic, it's going to come off as rehearsed and it's going to come off.

Philip Sessions: 14:38

Yeah, and nobody wants that Like, people just want you to be raw and real, and I've heard Andy Frazella and Edmai Lett and some of the other really popular social media people that are also great business owners too, talk about the fact that when they show kind of the behind the scenes or it's less polished content, that that tends to be the content that does way better than anything polished. And in my opinion, that's because people want to see that. They want to know who you are. They don't want to just know something. Yes, they want to learn that. They're at that event or that workshop or whatever it is that you're speaking at, to learn from you. But they were learning from you. They're not learning from anybody, because we talk about this offline that I just bought a course from Simon Sinek on communication and presenting and I'm like this was all basic stuff, but I also just wanted to kind of see how he did his digital course as I build out one and everything.

Philip Sessions: 15:38

But a lot of stuff that he was talking about was just super basic, but it wasn't really relatable either, because he was just kind of giving facts and here's how this goes and so, as you're presenting yourself, present yourself, be yourself, and so I guess he was being kind of authentic, he was being himself on there, but that's, I mean, it's just kind of a side note, but really just being yourself is the most important thing and how you truly do end up connecting with your audience and really your ideal people that you want to speak with versus oh, I'm gonna is. I'm not really a car guy. I may work at a manufacturer, but I'm a car guy. So if I talked about, oh, we got the car and the v6 versus a v8 engine oh, it's so great. All the car people are like this guy's an idiot. Why would he bring up v6? First of all, like they're gonna show it.

Philip Sessions: 16:25

I'm not a car guy, but if I sort of try to talk car stuff, the people that actually car people are going to realize right away that I'm a fake. So just be you and people will realize that, hey, you're the real deal for that area.

Sheral Devaughn: 16:38

Talk about what you know. You don't have to know everything, you don't have to be, you know, the grand bedazzler of speakers. Just, people don't need perfect, they need real people and they want to know that you've been there where they are and you found a way to make it through. They want to hear how you did it and see if it works for them, and that's that's what they connect to. They want somebody that that's real, you know, speak, speak to what you know. Don't don't blither, don't throw out 50 million facts. You know, hey, I, I fell down. I, you know, I did this. I made a complete idiot of myself here. Here's what I did to get through it. Here's some steps you could take to get through it as well, because ultimately, we're we're running a race, but we're all at different mile markers, and so you get.

Sheral Devaughn: 17:32

You get the people that want the basic stuff that you spoke about with Simon Sinek. Simon Sinek, you know, because they don't know they're at mile marker zero or one or two, whereas you know, you and I, maybe we're at mile marker 53. And so we don't need to start back there. We'll find, we'll find the other places to go, but we're all running that same race. So I don't you know, I don't discount somebody like like Simon doing something like that. I think there's a need for it. It's just not our need, and that's where we go back to. Who's our audience? Who are we attempting to connect with in that moment? And I'm sure he's got, you know, programs that are out of this world. You're going to pay for those, but it's it's a different experience level. So he's got a little something going for everybody.

Philip Sessions: 18:24

Yeah, for sure, which is, you know, a totally different route. We can go there, but you mentioned about you don't have to be the the razzle dazzle the most sparkly shiny speaker, which is something that I think holds a lot of people back.

Philip Sessions: 18:38

When it comes to speaking, whether it be in front of two people, 10, 10,000 people, they feel like they need to be this super polished speaker.

Philip Sessions: 18:48

And I would say, in my opinion, toastmasters has kind of made it seem that way, cause that's, I mean, and it to me it's more of a formal structure when it comes to that and it's more for corporations and those formal presentations.

Philip Sessions: 19:03

So the Toastmasters is amazing overall, but I feel like sometimes people end up getting into that and then they feel like they have to have everything down exactly right according to the book. But you've been in the speaker circuit and you've seen a lot of speakers and I saw I'm curious about your opinion, but I've noticed that there are a lot of speakers that are on social media and you see they're getting paid big bucks, that they're like hey, oh my gosh, this is an amazing speaker. And then you look at them especially from a structured perspective, that they're not that great of a speaker from it. Well, more from a technical perspective, they're really not that great of a speaker. And then even then like I guess us being speaking coaches maybe a little bit more biased and we pick out some of these things too, but they just don't seem to be like super great. Yet there's a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, this is the most amazing speaker ever. It's like where, how?

Sheral Devaughn: 20:00

sometimes Well, for what we just talked about, it's that connection piece. You know, I never went through the Toastmaster route. It was way too structured for me and they were more concerned about form and gestures rather than content. But when, when you're speaking the thing that I always tell my clients, or like when I'm doing speaker, the breakthrough speaker mastery bootcamp that I do I always tell the attendees that it's not the, it's not the polish. How many times do you have a conversation? When you, let's say, you're in the grocery store or you know you're sitting in the line at Starbucks inside, when you just have a pickup conversation, how often are you sitting around worried about? Are my gestures correct? What's my technique? Did I pause in the right spot? Did I? Did I have proper usage of the space I'm allotted? What You're having, a conversation and that's the big thing you have to remember is you don't have to have all that flash and that that polish. Are you connecting and whom are you connecting with? I guarantee you, when I was doing the three morning shows, that went to number one I wasn't worried about. Did I have the radio voice going on? Did I hit exactly at that top of the hour for this break? Did I have these three specific things? No, I was having a conversation with the listener. You know, just just chatting away, just talking, and that's what connects it's.

Sheral Devaughn: 21:42

We tend to forget, as speakers and as coaches, that, yes, this is a business, but it's a people business. We're in the business of having better conversations with people. And how does that happen? It doesn't happen with you know. I I walked over to stage left and I paused for three seconds and I made eye contact with the second person in the third row. No, it doesn't have to be perfect, it has to be meaningful, and a lot of times the people you connect with won't even necessarily remember all the things you said, but they remember how they felt and they want to know more and they want to feel more like that. And it's you know they're, they're borrowing your belief in yourself. Why? Why are we worried about all the structure? Just have a conversation, get out there and get messy.

Philip Sessions: 22:38

Yeah, but I think that's a scary thing and really that's the entrepreneur life. We just figure it out as we go. As the old saying goes, you build a parachute on the way down, you just jump and then build a parachute on the way down. Most people want to have the parachute, they want to know where they're going to land, they want to know how high the plane is, they want to know the temperature, they want to know all these things before they take off, and while having some kind of structure is great and is helpful, you're right, you just have to go take off and just connect.

Sheral Devaughn: 23:11

I mean nobody worries about whether or not they have a parachute or they have the specs for the plane or anything. When you're sitting in line at the grocery store and just chit chatting with somebody or sitting, you know you're in a diner or whatever. You overhear somebody. You're in an airport, for that matter, and you just strike up a conversation. You're not worried about all of those technical things. You're just, at the end of the day, you're just trying to have a connection and that's the bottom line with speaking is you're just having a conversation. Keep it, you know. Keep it focused on that one other person that you're looking to connect with. Like I said, I don't care if it's 10 people, if it's 10,000, I want to connect with one person and have a conversation and have it mean something to somebody, have it mean something to me on top of it. That's what it comes down to, and your style, everybody's style is going to be different. It really is. That's the beauty of it.

Sheral Devaughn: 24:15

It's like Baskin Robbins when it comes to communication is pick your flavor, what works, what works for you, and you're going to have people that agree with you 100%. Yes, mint, chocolate chip is the greatest flavor ever. And then you're going to get those people? Are you crazy? It's chocolate, you know. Whatever those aren't your people. Well, they might come in because they like the chocolate chips in that mint chocolate chip, because they're chocolate lovers, and you know, that's how you start building out and going from there. Maybe they're not the perfect one, but they're still in the ballpark and you can still have a conversation with them and find commonalities because you both like the chocolate. It's just again back to that vehicle. How do you like that chocolate delivered? Do you like it as those little specks of chocolate chip in your mint ice cream or do you want just full blown? Give me all the chocolate. You know, that's what it comes down to and that's how I look at speaking.

Philip Sessions: 25:19

Yeah, and that's really the better way is just to connect. Yes, some structure helps, but at the end of the day I've seen speakers that they are phenomenal when they are prepared, when they have their structure together and especially when you look more technical with the OMS than the OZ, there's none. And then you get them to have a conversation and you hear all the time they're having like think they're tripping over their words. They don't know how to connect or have a normal conversation, but they just went from being this amazing speaker. So then you come over here and have a conversation and you have a lot more conversations than you do speaking engagements, where you're just speaking to people. There's a lot of times where you have a back and forth, like we're having right now, and to me that is more important than being this super polished and structured and well put together speaker.

Philip Sessions: 26:13

So learning how just to connect is so important and I know the audience has been waiting for us to bash on all the other types of coaching. I'm just kidding, we're not going to bash on that, but I would love for us to dive into the different types of coaching and I know we talk again about this offline and I've had this come up, where people are like oh, I want to do sales coaching before they come to me about speaking, oh, I want to do business coaching before they come to me about speaking, they want to do marketing coaching. Or you know, get a marketing person before they come to me about speaking. And of course we're a little biased because we are in the speaking communication space. But why do you think that speaking and communication and learning those skills is by far more important than learning sales, business, marketing, you name it, all of these other coaching type of skills that you can learn from a coach?

Sheral Devaughn: 27:13

I think, first and foremost, I think there's there's no reason why we can't do it in tandem with with some of these other ones. If you want to get a business coach, make sure you get a speaking coach too.

Philip Sessions: 27:23

Oh, come on now, cheryl. Don't, don't, don't be easy on them like this. No, no, no, no, I'm just kidding If you can if you can't.

Sheral Devaughn: 27:29

But the reason that I feel that a speaking coach is probably the most important coach you can get, starting out, is, quite honestly, if you can't get your message out in a way that's received, it doesn't matter. You can have the greatest product or service in the world, you can be the most brilliantly organized business person in the world, but if nobody's listening you aren't getting any attraction. And just because a person can open their mouth and say words or write a word down, maybe it's spelled right, maybe it's not. If you can text an emoji, that isn't necessarily communication. You have to have your message delivered in such a way that people not only hear it but they understand it and they're receptive to it, and it's it should be the easiest thing in the world to communicate and connect, and yet nobody knows how to do it properly anymore. I mean it changes all the time between the, the generational gaps, or between the, the different socio economic tears where you live regionally. I mean I could go just in the town that I live in. In the city that I live in, I can go to different areas and what I may say in one area, somebody two blocks over isn't going to understand what the heck I'm talking about, and so you have to be aware of the different nuances and and the different styles of heck. Even the time of the day makes a difference in how you you communicate and connect.

Sheral Devaughn: 29:12

The example I like to use because you know I've got a goofy podcast out there that cocktails and conspiracies and I'm talking about Bigfoot and bourbon and things you know, just all kinds of crazy things If I were to come up to you, say, on Monday morning 9 am, and want to share with you my latest Bigfoot sighting experience I've not had a Bigfoot sighting experience but I'd like to have one. But let's say I'm sharing with you something that happened Are you going to be more open to that conversation about Bigfoot at 9 am on a Monday when you're just getting rolling, or are you gonna be more open to that Same conversation, exact same conversation but you're more open to it, say, thursday after work, happy hour? Where are you gonna be more receptive to that conversation? Yeah, Thursday.

Sheral Devaughn: 30:07

Exactly so it all comes down. I mean, there's all those little tiny pieces that go into connecting and communicating Same exact verbiage that you're using, but know your situation, know your audience, know where they are and what their headspace is and what language they're open to hearing. If you don't know all of those things, like I said, you could be selling the arc of the covenant, and if nobody knows what the heck you're doing, they don't care, it's lost on them. It doesn't matter that you found the fountain of youth If you don't know how to communicate it in such a way where they're like, oh my gosh, that's exactly what I needed this whole time and you're doomed to fail.

Philip Sessions: 30:57

Yeah, and you talk about that and actually makes me think about potential client I'm working on right now that works at a university. I was following up with the connection I had that is in the university space as well. It's one of her colleagues and I was like, hey, we messaged Monday or Tuesday or emailed back and forth Monday or Tuesday and I was following up on Thursday and then she happens to go to church with me, so we were talking on Sunday and she was just thanking her for that and she's like, oh yeah, usually Thursday and Friday in the academia world is when everybody's getting ready for the next week, so they're doing a lot of work, so they're not looking at their emails and everything. And so just depending on what industry I mean, there's all sorts of factors when is a good time to do certain things and when is a good time not to do that, which really just goes. I mean we could go off on a sales tangent there with followup. You have to just continue to follow up, but learning the different ways that people communicate.

Philip Sessions: 31:53

And another good example would be like with my wife. I'm a morning person, our daughter is a morning person, my wife is not, so usually I'm already up probably for like an hour or two before my wife gets up, and so I'm already ready to go. I'm already a morning person, I've already been up for a while and she's just like leave me alone, I don't wanna talk, and I'm like, well, why not? And so sometimes I do get a little excited, but I have to remember, hey, she's not ready to talk at all because she's not a morning person and she just woke up. So we do need to keep in mind when people are receptive to those things, to talking about different subjects based on time of day, time of week, whatever, maybe goes on.

Sheral Devaughn: 32:34

What makes them receptive? Figuring it out? I mean it's funny that you say that, because my husband and I we've been married for 31 plus years and he still has this difficulty in understanding A. I'm not a morning person. Now, I did morning radio for 20 plus years, but I am not naturally a morning person. I don't function when I first wake up and if I don't have at least a half a cup of coffee in my system, you should just steer clear of me. And he forgets that sometimes. So it's okay.

Sheral Devaughn: 33:09

What makes you receptive to hearing someone else's message too? For me, give me 20 minutes and at least a half a cup of coffee and then we'll go from there. I mean, you can take this so many different ways. The spouse who goes out and makes a big splurge purchase and then is looking for the best time to break the news to the other half. You look for the different things to make them more receptive to what you're presenting, and I think a lot of new business owners well, even established business holders they forget that owners.

Sheral Devaughn: 33:44

They forget that piece about. I've got everything in place, I've got great systems and processes, I've got the best product ever Great. But if nobody's listening and you haven't figured out the way to communicate and when to communicate doesn't matter, it's wasted on them and you're not gonna have the growth and the scale and the success that you're looking for. So that's why I think that speaking is the number one. Well, communicating, whether it's written or verbal, is the number one piece that you can have when you're in business. If you don't have that nailed down, you're not going to get the success that you're looking for.

Philip Sessions: 34:31

Yeah, and so talking to that business leader, that they probably get some kind of team, whether it be executive team or just be, that they just have some people working for them. What are maybe like one or two tips that you would give them to help their communication get better?

Sheral Devaughn: 34:48

Don't talk at them, talk to them. Talk to your team. Your team is assembled for a reason. You wouldn't have them in that circle if they didn't come to the table with some serious skills and serious abilities. Value that A lot of.

Sheral Devaughn: 35:07

There's a big difference between being a boss and a leader, and I think we've all heard it before that the boss tells you what to do. They don't ask you what your input is. How would you do it? They don't. I see this a lot right now with companies that are. They're frustrated because they don't know how to motivate some of the younger generations millennials and zenials and I've never seen an issue with it. They don't have the same experience that older generations have, but we didn't either when we started. They do have a lot of creativity and a lot of great ideas, and they are gonna stumble and fall along the way. I think the best way to communicate with a team as a leader is give them a basic outline and structure of what you want, ask for how they would like to get it done, and it doesn't have to be done your way or no way. It just has to be done and you may learn something in the process. Teachers can be taught too.

Sheral Devaughn: 36:12

When I was growing up, I had both the silent generation and the boomers for me. Now, my experience is a little different as a Gen X because, quite honestly, we were left to the wild. We were feral and we had to raise ourselves. But we went through a lot of different huge learning curve because we went from everything was analog to suddenly we're digital. There's a lot of technology, the internet came around more for us Gaming systems, computers, cell phones, all of these different things Heck, the microwave was a huge deal for me growing up.

Sheral Devaughn: 36:50

So we watch all these different changes Now they don't happen. They didn't happen from all the big, experienced people. You had to have some of these younger, creative people that needed a platform. They needed to have their voice heard too. So I guess the biggest thing is, as a leader, if you want effective, successful communication with your team, give them an ear, let them have a voice. You don't have to do it all the same way, but there's gotta be that openness for looking at new ways and new ideas, because there's a reason it's called a team. Everyone should get to play, and that's, I think, the piece that's been missing for quite some time now.

Philip Sessions: 37:36

Yeah, and then changing it from just being your employees or people that work there to being your team is a huge thing, especially with this younger generation. They wanna feel bought in, they wanna feel like they're a part of something, not just I'm here, I'm a number, and unfortunately these big corporations really just turn you into a number. And for the older generations, I really think there's vision is a thing that every generation needs to see. The older generation, they don't really need to see as much vision. You just tell me, do this thing so I can know, I can see, okay, I need to do this thing and I produce this result. Cool, I'm good with that.

Philip Sessions: 38:15

As we get into younger generations, they need to see the vision of where the company's going, what their part is within that company. They can't just be told what to do. There are times and I get that and it's a tough balance for leaders to be able to communicate the vision but then also communicating hey, at this point we just need to do that and I would love to get your input on that and then I'll kind of put my input. How do we kind of balance that, that communication between hey, here's the vision of the company I just wanna talk to you about where we're going, and then you need to just get this done. And how do we say that a tactful way, because there just are times, an emergency time, whenever we're at a stop in production, whatever. That is where it's. Just get this done now, but you don't wanna come off as demanding completely, so how would you go about communicating something more along those lines?

Sheral Devaughn: 39:09

It comes down to what I said before with commonalities and valuation of the individual. You know, we talked about how we just talked about how older generations will look at the new ones coming in. Well, they don't have the experience, they don't whatever. But we're seeing a lot of young leaders now that have older generations as their employees and they don't value the experiences that they bring to the table and the structure there I think there's. It has to come down to finding that commonality.

Sheral Devaughn: 39:47

If you're in crunch time and something just needs to get done and somebody is too busy off on a vision, or how do I fit into this? At that point you just say, hey, listen, we've got a problem and I understand that the vision is going to be important and we need we need to discuss that and sit down. But right now we just have to have a, we have to put this fire out quickly, and so I need you to use your creativity, or I need you to use your experience to find that quick solution and then, once we get that fire put out, then let's sit down and figure out a bigger picture game plan so we don't have to worry about this again. But right now we just need to buckle down together and find a way together again. Notice, I said together find a way together to put this fire out now, before it gets out of control, and so it just comes down to the way you presented.

Sheral Devaughn: 40:50

Not, hey, I need you to just, I need you to just shut up and do it this way, because we got to get this done. No, I, we have a situation, we have a crisis here, and I need your ideas for how to put it out quickly, one that will work within the framework of what we've got. Give me a solution, give me a quick bandage solution to put out this fire, and then we can sit down after it's handled and come up with a big game picture. I want to hear your ideas and your strategy for a long-term solution after we get this put out. So we've got, we got this real quick thing, and then I want I value you and want to hear what your idea is for later, so we don't have to worry about this situation again, and I think that's that would be the best way to handle a scenario like that.

Philip Sessions: 41:40

Yeah, I like that and I was going to say on a similar manner yeah, make sure that you're going in. And hey, essentially look, I know I'm being very direct here right now we just need to handle this and then afterwards we'll talk about it and we'll work through a way to make sure this doesn't happen again. Whether we don't have a system or a process or whatever it may be, we'll figure out what we need to do to make sure we can mitigate any kind of issues like this. I like how you said that, and it really comes down to not being forceful or demanding about something, but coming at it in a way that you share that urgency of what's needed right now and talk about let's get this done immediately and then next steps Is there there always? Is that time to say something?

Sheral Devaughn: 42:27

There's very few times that ever happened, where you just right now and then go like, yeah, no, I mean, it comes down to as long as, as you're communicating, hey, I value your input and I think you're smart enough to give me some solutions. So I need the quick short term to put this fire out. And then I want I value you and your knowledge or your ideas enough I want to hear how you think we should fix this later on, but that's a conversation after we put this fire out. You know, right now I just need your, your ideas, your expertise, your knowledge for a quick down and dirty. So you're still, you're still get showing them that, hey, I value you, I know what you bring to the table.

Sheral Devaughn: 43:14

I need your help in putting out this fire, but we got to do it differently than we normally would. We don't have the time for it. So, just, you know, rapid fire me, your, your creative ideas, your experience, you know your. I don't need the vision, I just need a boom, a one and done and let's, and then we can figure out the long term afterward. So that's, that's the way I would handle that.

Philip Sessions: 43:38

I like that and you're really showing them, that are expressing to them that you do value them, that you need them there and by saying you need them, that shows that they are valuable, which makes them just want to work even harder for you and make sure that we can get through this problem. It's a beautiful way to communicate that. Unfortunately, a lot of leaders don't think about it.

Sheral Devaughn: 44:01

And they don't understand why they're not getting the performance that they need. You know everybody wants to feel valued, everybody wants to have a voice, and people will cut you so much more slack and will work to understand your viewpoint so long as they feel valued.

Philip Sessions: 44:21

And we hear it all the time that people don't leave jobs, they leave managers and they leave leaders. So you've got to value your people. I mean we're we're not in a place right now. I know we, we talk about this in the workforce how people don't want to work. People are lazy. They're not and they're not. They're just tired of being tired.

Sheral Devaughn: 44:46

They're tired of the way it's always been, that that, you know, chew you up and spit you out mentality. People want to be valued. They're tired of not being valued. And it doesn't matter the age group, you know, it doesn't. All demographics are tired of being chewed up and spit out. It's just like you know. It's like going to the DMV. How many of us really want to be at the DMV waiting, you know, for them to call number 83. You're, you're, nothing more than that, and they don't care. They don't care, you get. You wait until your number 83 is called and you get up and they go. Well, you don't have everything we need. Next, how does that I mean? How does that make you feel it's the same way in business. That's exactly how you know businesses are oftentimes treating their, their employees, or heck how how we treat some of our personal relationships. People need to be valued.

Philip Sessions: 45:44

Yes, and the more you value them, they feel like they're being compensated for that. And too often businesses want to just throw money at people. Money is the bare minimum. Yes, you need to meet a certain threshold for people to be comfortable on their lifestyle. But people and I've been this same way with jobs before where I have not left a company because of other aspects of that that company yes, I could have left for an extra 10, 20 or 30 grand a year, but I didn't because there was culture there or I had more flexibility with my work life balance. I had better insurance, which for millennials and stuff insurance is not as big of a deal. Young people is not as big of a deal, but as you get older and you get a family, it becomes more and more of a prevalent thing. And and I find this funny with companies, they'll, they'll do that which just shows communication is terrible. You got a 20 year old, oh, but you know, the health insurance here is just amazing. I'm 20. I'm invincible, I'm not going to die.

Sheral Devaughn: 46:52

Those are the benefits they're looking for right now.

Philip Sessions: 46:55

You have to know your audience what's important, you know yeah.

Sheral Devaughn: 47:00

And then we just came full circle to why communication, why having a communication, a messaging, a speaking coach is the most important thing you can do as a business owner. Because you know you're not going to be able to bring in that younger workforce if you're not offering them the right benefits. And by benefits it doesn't necessarily mean your pension plan or your your insurance, you know, your health insurance. That's not. That's not what's important to a 20, something right now.

Philip Sessions: 47:33

Yeah, and it does, and also doesn't mean you need to have different benefit plans for different age brackets either. It just means don't talk about stupid health insurance, a 20 year old. Talk more about the compensation plan. Talk about the vision of where they could be at in five or 10 years, things like that, or even two years, because when you're 20, two years is a really long time. You get to be 30 or 40 years old. That's not a long time at all. So talk about that plan, that vision. It goes back to vision and then you have communicating with your audience the way they want to be communicated to the best way to find out what's going to be on board.

Sheral Devaughn: 48:09

Ask them, ask them a question. So what? What are you looking to get out of this? What would you, what would you like to have if? If you're going to work here at this company, what? What are some things that you would love to to see? What would, what would be important to you? Yeah, again, you've just asked what's important to them. You just showed that they're valuable. Their opinion, their, their needs are valuable too, and then you figure out if there is a way to compromise or or find that commonality and give that to them. You, you don't have to guess what's going to be important to them.

Philip Sessions: 48:46

You just asked they're going to tell you, actually, I've got a great scenario on that where we had a guy he was actually already doing all the work but we were going through the formality of interviewing everybody for this particular position and when we asked him, hey, literally, what makes you want to interview for this position Money we're like what? Like? Okay, that's kind of weird. We kind of like all right, well, you know anything else, try to bring it up. And he's like I mean really really just money. And the thing was this the position he was in would have more overtime, which meant more money than the position that he was interviewing for. So it's like okay, I feel like you just interviewed just to interview, because we were not going to have near as much overtime in this position. So, one, to benefit him, we ended up not actually accepting him as somebody for this position. But two, it also let us know that his only drive to be in this position was money. So there was nothing else there.

Philip Sessions: 49:45

And but we asked that question what has you interested in this position? And you can say the same thing what has you interested in our company? It's a great opening question to see where they're at, because it may be the same thing? Oh, salary, what's? Probably somebody you don't want to have, because as soon as they find something with more money, they're gone. So those are just an easy example for you there. Just to make sure you ask questions, yeah, to get to know them, and that's the biggest part of communication is asking questions and seeing what people say. So, going back to all the way at the beginning, listen to what your audience or the individual that you're speaking with has to say, and that's what makes you a great communicator. But besides just asking questions, you can also look at what Cheryl's doing. So, cheryl, let us know where you're at, where we can follow you and get to know you more and work with you.

Sheral Devaughn: 50:43

I'm not hard to find. You can find me all over social media at Speaking with Cher on Facebook and Instagram, you can find me Cheryl Devon, and it's a. It's a funny spelling, that's why I go by Cher S-H-E-R. But if you go to Speaking with Cher LinkedIn, instagram, facebook you'll find me there. I've got the website Speaking with Cher S-H-E-Rcom. You can email me. Heck, if you want to text me, we'll give you the phone number. I'm not shy, so I answer all of my own emails and I'll pick up the phone and text you or call you back any of it. So I'm easy to find.

Philip Sessions: 51:26

Love it Well, cher, this was great, or Cheryl, whatever.

Sheral Devaughn: 51:30

This is great.

Philip Sessions: 51:31

This is great to have you on here to talk about communication. Obviously, we both love talking about that. We coach on that and everything. So if y'all want to reach out to Cheryl because you like what she had to say, definitely do that. I recommend following her. She has some amazing content. But, cheryl, it was great to finally get you on this podcast.

Sheral Devaughn: 51:54

We were overdue for this conversation. My friend, definitely. I love watching where you're coming from and what you're doing. I get ideas from you and several others. Hopefully you can say the same with me and we'll just keep elevating the game and making communication more effective for more people.

Philip Sessions: 52:16

Yeah, there's a lot of people out there that need help with it. So we've got a tough fight ahead of us, but we're going to make it happen.

Sheral Devaughn: 52:23

Absolutely, absolutely. Just one person at a time.

Philip Sessions: 52:27

All right guys, make sure that you like and subscribe to the podcast here if you're on YouTube and remember your message matters.