A Culture of Trust through Transparent Leadership with Christopher Salem

Step into the world of impactful business communication with Christopher Salem, a seasoned mentor and speaker. Discover how public speaking can revolutionize your approach to engaging audiences, regardless of your personality type. Uncover practical rapport-building strategies that transform listeners into valuable business connections, as Christopher shares insights on connecting authentically with your audience's challenges.

Explore the nuances of leadership communication, delving into the power of non-verbal cues and authenticity in every interaction. Learn how to harness body language and tone to enhance your leadership presence, whether on stage or in the boardroom. Christopher also emphasizes the importance of transparency and consistency within teams, offering strategies for fostering trust and accountability. Join us for an enlightening episode as Christopher shares wisdom on effective communication, leadership, and the transformative power of empathy.

NOTABLE QUOTES
"Speaking is the number one platform to grow and scale a business. It is the number one funnel." – Christopher
"You're speaking to the challenge, you're speaking to the results that the audience may be seeking. Everything else that you do is going to be a byproduct of that." – Christopher
"That's what I love about speaking, you really can build a rapport and the cool thing is, it's not just with one person, it's with multiple people." – Philip
"A great speaker has the ability to adapt to the energy and to adapt to what in that moment is really most important." – Christopher
"Train yourself to speak from your heart, not from your head." – Christopher
"Find stories that relate [to] them. Using those stories is how you can manipulate your message to be able to connect with that audience." – Philip
”Every leader can control communication [between] himself and others.” – Christopher
“A great leader has to be transparent about your strengths, and your weaknesses.” – Christopher
“I had to learn how to think differently, not from the past, nor in the future, where fear resides, but in the moment, from intention.” – Christopher
“Challenges and obstacles are a good thing. I can't grow and expand without them.” – Christopher
“I don't have to tell people how, when, or why to do it. My example will do that for me.” – Christopher
“It's about filling your cup up first to spill onto others. You can't give from an empty cup.” – Christopher
“Intention is the present moment.” – Philip 
“The most effective and winning teams are the ones that communicate at a high level, through consistency.” – Christopher
“You are a product of your environment but it is your responsibility, nobody else is, as an adult, to do something about it.” – Christopher
“When people feel included, they're more likely to open up and be more transparent.” – Christopher
“Transparency and consistency are the two things that you need as a leader to build that culture that you want to build.”  – Philip
“Give without expectation, receive without resistance.” – Christopher

RESOURCES

Christopher
Website: https://christophersalem.com/
Email: chris@christophersalem.com; chris@sustainablesuccess.net
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisrsalem/ 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christophersalem/ 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/christophersalemprofessional/ 

Philip
Digital Course: https://www.speakingsessions.com/digital-course
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealphilipsessions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:16

What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Speaking Sessions podcast. I've got Christopher Salem here. He is a trusted advisor, mentoring business leaders and businesses to build a winning team environment and cultivate valuable customer experiences and increase their revenue and net profit margin. He is a phenomenal speaker. We've had a couple of conversations now and I know he's been on a lot of stages, and today we're going to talk about how to really build that winning team, but of course, we have to talk about speaking as well, so we're going to be talking about that within here also. But, christopher, welcome to the show. Glad to have you here.

Speaker 2: 0:57

Bill, thank you so much for having me A pleasure to be here.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Yeah. So I know we're talking offline really quickly that you were like, yeah, I just got back from a speaking engagement and all these leads come in. I got to follow up with them and everything and talking with some of my network and just people that have thought about getting a speaking and they talked to me about that and they just wonder, like, how is speaking really that beneficial? And that, right, there is the reason why. So, before we get into talking about building these teams, I would love to hear your thoughts, with your vast amount of experience and stage exposure, of how important getting on stage and speaking is for you and your business.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Well, I mean, philip, it is. It is very important to me, speaking is the number one platform to grow and scale a business, regardless if you're a solo or you are an owner of a company where you have employees, doesn't matter what size it is. It's very important and you're not speaking just to generate revenue. The primary reason is you're looking to make a difference in your industry. You're looking to create an impact that can help others to help themselves, whether if it's personally, something in their team or in their organization, or just in the industry in general. The results in terms of revenue are going to be a byproduct of that value that you give them Now. When you have the ability now to speak on a frequent basis, whether if it's in person, at leading industry B2B conferences, b2c conferences, entrepreneurial events, corporations direct that consistency is what's going to generate leads. So for me, it is the number one funnel for business out there, compared to other types of platforms, because you have the ability to create impact, build rapport and connect with other human beings, one to many. So by the time when you have that one-on-one conversation, you've already got that rapport established. It's now taking it now one-on-one, to now cultivate what are the challenges that they have that could be better. What are the results they seek that they don't have, and more or less, you have the ability to close more business that way.

Speaker 2: 3:10

And here's the thing you don't have to be a great salesperson like you think you are. You don't even have to be an extrovert in order to do this. Matter of fact, some of the best people who do this are slightly introverted. Why? Because they ask questions and they engage better with the audience. It's not the person where. It's all about them talking about how great they are, it's about the audience. So for me, hopefully, that answers the question. Speaking has just been profound in my business and without it I wouldn't be where I am today with it.

Speaker 1: 3:42

Yeah, and I like that you made sure to emphasize that it was about the impact, not the income. And with growing a business, really, when we focus on how much more impact can we create, that's what makes our business grow versus how much more revenue can we get in. Of course, they tend to go together. As you're creating more impact, you create more income for your business and for yourself. But, yeah, really focusing on that impact is such an important thing, and you mentioned also that it's one of the best platforms to really get your message and yourself out there. Can you clarify what you mean by that? I'm pretty sure I know what you mean, but just for anybody that maybe is unsure Well, see again, it's not about you.

Speaker 2: 4:22

I mean, you might have a story, you might have a great product, you might have a great service, but that's not why people are there. People are there because perhaps you're going to be sharing some information and insights from that experience, from your story, from things that you do know about that can help them solve a challenge or make something better or lead them to the results they seek. Every person on this earth has a challenge in some way, whether if it's personal, whether it's on their team that they lead, or in their business or industry. How can you help it to make it better? So you're speaking to the challenge, you're speaking to the results that, overall, that audience may be seeking. Everything else that you do is going to be a byproduct of that.

Speaker 2: 5:10

So when you're able now to gain that trust and that report people want to now know, can you potentially help me with this challenge and for the results I seek? I don't have to talk about my product, I don't have to talk about my service. That alone will come up on the back end when I've reached that point where I've built that report, when now I can connect the dots for them to say, okay, here's your challenge. Here's the results. You see, if you were to do this, this and this, would you be open for suggesting? Yes, if I were to show you how, through this, this and this things that I can offer and provide to connect the dots, to solve your challenge, to create these results. I want to scale of one to ten. How important would that be, with where you take action on that and when they give you the answer?

Speaker 1: 5:59

the next step is Leading to a set man and that's what I love about speaking as well you really can build a report and the cool thing is it's not just with the one person, it's with multiple people. And especially when you go into a company, it's even better because what's the show when you getting paid to go into the company? Sometimes it's just for that one off speaking engagement and then it can turn into more than that. So it's really almost a. It's a lower committal For a business when it's like, hey, we're gonna have you come in and speak, give us some great information, great value on something that we're working on as a business, and then from there, oh man, we really like you a lot, everybody really like to now on the back and you start talking about that and usually through that. So I love to hear, like your tactics On this, of how you kind of go in to the company maybe you're doing a speech and how, on the back end, you're able to end up doing more work for them because of that.

Speaker 2: 6:57

Yeah, I mean all starts even before the talk. You know I whether, if I already talk to the individual, but I try to get as much intelligence as I possibly can. What I do is I I try to identify what's going on in their industry, what's going on with their organization, capture that information. Hopefully I can talk, have a conversation with the person that asked me to come and speak, which often I do. They wouldn't be able to hire me and bring me in if they didn't. We didn't have that conversation. So I try to get an idea of their personality, about what's again, what's really important to them and with that information now I can now craft a title to the talk, a description. What are the learning objectives? Are key takeaways that are specific, clear and concise to what that challenge is that can be better, to the results they see. What story or stories can now I draw upon from my experience that closely align with their situation, to the values that are exemplified by that company and the people involved, including my own. And that's how I have to show up when I speak.

Speaker 2: 8:05

Now that also may change when I come into that room. I might walk into that room, pick up on the energy and go, holy cow, I'm gonna have to probably scrap everything I prepared for the talk on cuz. Now I gotta adapt to what's happening in the room. Maybe I had a conversation with a few people, something came up and it's like I got a pivot. And a great speaker has that ability to do that, to adapt to the energy and to adapt to what in that moment is really most important.

Speaker 2: 8:35

And when you're able to do that, you're able to read, you know, connect with them on those shared values based upon building that relatability, and that they feel like you understand them, even though you don't really personally know them at that point. That's what establishes that report. And when they come up and talk to you afterwards and you build that further report, I can set a meeting to talk to them more one on one, to continue establishing and building upon that report where it's at, and then, more likely, that's going to lead to a better relationship, allowing me to know what's even more important to them, to solidify what I already knew and to connect the dots to help them, you know, make the challenge better and provide the results that they see. That's me. That recipe is worked time and time again with great success. Doesn't mean you're gonna bet a thousand, but nonetheless, for me it's worked very well and I've Taught this to many people that have looked at speaking as a way to make. That doesn't mean you have to be a professional speaker to do that.

Speaker 1: 9:36

Yeah, man, and this is gonna be a little bit of a side tangent when you talk about that going in there where you had this idea you're gonna do this, but then you felt the energy of that room. You saw that what you had ready Was not gonna work in, and I've seen speakers that well, there's, I guess, two sides of what. I've seen speakers where they come in and like the room is just like no energy, just silent, like they try and tell a joke and it just Fails until another one and it fails and they'll literally be like, wow, this is a tough room and I might get a little chuckle like haha, like, but but it really you're kind of failing as speaker in my mind if you're having to resort to something like that. I mean, there, I've been there, it happens for sure to us. But then you have the other side, like the new speaker that I've had to help out With this time and time again, because they want to have like literally everything right now, let me, let me get my notes out here and just have my notes with me a whole time and they want to have paragraphs of stuff and I'm always like, no, if you're gonna have notes and needs to be bullet points.

Speaker 1: 10:39

So I'd love, especially with your experience, to kind of talk to this. I think this is important thing that a lot of speakers, especially it's beginning and maybe even intermediate that have it had a lot of experience don't understand how do one kind of go into it prepared without literally having everything written down but to how do we make that pivot in the moment without completely changing everything is that does sound. It does sounds scary. I was going to this.

Speaker 1: 11:06

I had this game plan and now, so I can't use like any of the game plan, although, course, I'm still gonna talk on the one message. So how do we do that?

Speaker 2: 11:15

One of the things that you have to be able to help train yourself is to speak from your heart, not from your head. When you speak from your head, you're gonna sound scripted, you're gonna follow the game plan that you came in with, from the slides that you may share, or perhaps that you might have memorized certain things verbatim to share. But when you can speak from the heart, it's just more natural, so that when we have to pivot, you can kind of immediately go. Well, I was gonna talk about this story, but now that I picked up the energy in the room, I put this other story I think is gonna be better suited. When I can speak from the heart doesn't mean that it's gonna come out the same way that I've shared it in the past. It might come out a completely different way, but it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2: 11:57

People are not gonna remember the actual words that you said. Matter fact, when you look at communication effective communication 55% of effective communication is in your body language. I'm using my hands, I'm making eye contact, I'm I'm open to you. Right now. 38% isn't in the tonality of my voice either. I'm going to lower my voice if the room is more calm. If it's more kind of fired up, it might elevate, and then only 7% is in your words.

Speaker 2: 12:29

See, people are always going to remember how you, how they felt after they left. People Process things and make decisions from their feelings, from their emotions, and that's the key. So, if you can speak from the heart, you're going to be more relatable, more You're going to be a person that's going to feel like the other people in the audience, that you understand them. So it's having an outline, not don't script everything out. Have an outline what you're going to talk about and just know when you have to pivot. You can inter, interject one story for another, maybe drop something you were going to say to add this, because this, this is something you picked up. So it's having an outline. So, in this case, what I'm about to say might shock a lot of speakers. It's not. You're not here to be Ultra prepared. You're here to be prepared, but not ultra prepared. It's better to be slightly under prepared in this case, so that you are more likely to speak from here.

Speaker 1: 14:19

Than here. Hmm, yeah, especially what I think you go in these teams now. If you're like at these massive Conferences and you're paid, handsome lady, go speak at them. Yeah, you're probably gonna be pretty scripted. This is the speech you do. And somebody I can think of is like Ed Milet or Russell Brunson. I've seen them both a Couple of times speak and it's like literally the same message. And Jesse Itzler is another one I can think of and they change it, maybe just a little bit, but it's very little changing, but it's the same thing. But they're there really just to inspire and whatever their message is for that's what they're there for. They're not going into a small company to really help get them and catapult them to the next level, or whatever.

Speaker 2: 15:03

Yeah, it's a different type of thing, because you're doing keynote, right yeah? Exactly you know is more about the overall theme. It's about, you know, inspiring them with stories and to kind of set the tone for the other speakers that will be Siloed in specific areas that they're going to give you know Realistic things that relate to their, to the, to that audience situation. It's more educational. So, yeah, there's a difference between breakouts, workshops, fireside chats than it would be with a Keynote type of deliver.

Speaker 1: 15:38

Yeah, yeah. So I glad you also established that too, because I think a lot of times we think of more on that Keynote side. I've got to be this is it? This is my speech, and while it's great to have something that you can fall back on, you're right in, and I'm glad you brought up the stories too, because that's a lot of what I'll talk about is we've got to have stories.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Okay, who's your audience? Let's find stories that relate with them. That you know Maybe it points back to us and who we are. That can roll, but it's about relating with them, not saying, oh yeah, I've been through that before and now I'm the hero and I can be the hero for you. Like, no, they need to be the hero, but using those stories is how you can manipulate your message to be able to connect with that audience, and it's such an important thing.

Speaker 1: 16:20

But let's let's go ahead and flip the script here. So, hey, obviously you we were talking about you or our speakers going in and doing workshops or just speaking in general, but let's talk about the leader of a team. I think this is something that's often overlooked and I know I've been a part of teams in my corporate life where, like this, leader is not leading well at all or they're just not connecting. And probably the easiest one for most to understand is hey, we want to raise oh well, here's your 3%. Like, really, that's all we got.

Speaker 1: 16:52

And and now it's not always the leader's fault. They're kind of given some of this, but there's a lot of times I see there's really no sympathy. Well, that's what it is, and they don't try and like, relate with them or help them understand more of the bigger picture and stuff like that. So, as a leader, how can we use speaking and communication to help us build up our team Reporters? So maybe let's, let's just go right just down to the team and then we can build out based on company, what, what kind of go from there?

Speaker 2: 17:22

So so important. You know, there there are five things that we can control each and every day as human beings. So every leader or aspiring leaders should take note of this. We can control our communication to ourself and others, and I'll explain what that is our behavior, our attitude, our Emotions and our actions. So when we look at communication, if we are going to be effectively Communicate to another human being as a leader, to a subordinate, we have to be able to be effectively communicate to ourselves. There are different styles of communication. There are people that are passive communicators, aggressive communicators, a combination of both.

Speaker 2: 18:02

I am Personally, in my recovering passive aggressive. That's what I learned growing up as a child, and I took that into my teens and into my adult life until I had to Realize that was not working for me. It was working against me as a leader and, as a result, I had to Rewire or reprogram the way I think in order to change my communication. But that had to start with myself. See, the reality is most communication is based on assumption and speculation. People just assume and speculate things about each other, and this is why expectations to all fall through the cracks. This is why we have disengagement, why we have resentment, why we have people that are pointing the finger, and so on and so on. We have to learn how to be specific, clear and concise with ourselves. I have to be able to look at myself, you know. Am I speaking for myself, limiting beliefs, or am I speaking from my inner champion? That is, not those limiting beliefs, so it's either my inner critic or my inner champion. But when I can get very clear on speaking for my inner Champion, I'm more likely now in time to be able to communicate to other human being or people in general In an assertive way. In an assertive way is being specific, clear and concise. That means there is very little to no room for assumption and speculation. And If I am the sender or the receiver of the communication, it does not matter. I'm responsible for it because I can't control another human being. I can't control what they're going to perceive what I say. But if I clarify that and be specific, clear and concise, ask further questions, that's all I can do to Offset or eliminate being so, they would assume and speculate. They'll have everything in a very clear way to either answer or address. So I think every great leader has to lead themselves transparent leadership, being transparent about your, your strengths, your weaknesses. Learning how to get you know, to improve your communication from inside, from your inner critic to your inner champion.

Speaker 2: 20:08

And Learning to shift away from being passive, which are often yes people, and they're often people that operate from a self-limiting belief that they require validation from other people Because I didn't get it growing up in their childhood that was me, I didn't get it from my father. And then there's the aggressive people that have a tendency of talking down to people, have a hard time Delegating their perfectionists. I had that because I got that from my mother. So I had to learn how to think differently from not in the past, in the future, which fear resides, but in the moment, from intention. So I had to learn how to think from intentions, not expectations, because intentions are in the moment, expectations are in the past and future. I can't control the past in the future. I can control what I do now, in the moment.

Speaker 2: 20:56

So when I did that, my communication improved and when I was able to be assertive, I got better responses in time from people based upon that, and then, if I align my behavior with that, it's sort of wonderful. My attitude changed from things happening for me, not to me. Challenges and obstacles are a good thing. I can't grow and expand without them, instead of resisting them and pointing the finger, complaining, gossiping. So.

Speaker 2: 21:25

And then when I learned how to respond to situations of people not react I could do that.

Speaker 2: 21:31

Even though I might be angry, I didn't react from it. I would take a breath and respond from a positive emotion, or I would remove myself if I required to be in a better state to respond, and I did that with emails. And by doing that and then taking massive action to the priorities that matter, I can now show up as a leader to be a better example of that. I don't have to tell people how, when or why to do it. My example will do that for me, and then I could be more resourceful to empower people to do for themselves. That's what every great leader does. They lead daily from example and being resourceful, not telling people what to do or why to do or how to do it. They share versus tell, and because of if they use empathy and kindness rather than pleasing and enabling, they have a tendency of getting more out of their people through that example, that daily, consistent example, and being resourceful. It's about filling your cup up first to spill on to others. You can't give from an empty cup.

Speaker 1: 22:31

Wow, so many nuggets there.

Speaker 2: 22:33

Yeah, I know there was a lot of information there, but I had a packet in because it's when you said that question I kind of. I want to give them as a detailed response as they possibly can.

Speaker 1: 22:44

And I appreciate you doing that, one of the things I was thinking about in there. You talk about changing your mindset. I was going to ask that and you kind of laid that out and it reminds me when I was younger and you'll probably be like you're still pretty young, but when I was younger I had such a short fuse. Stupid little things like my phone not working would piss me off like more than anything.

Speaker 2: 23:05

That was probably the strangely the last thing I had anger issues growing up in my early and throughout my twenties. Oh, believe me, I know.

Speaker 1: 23:15

Yeah, and of course people were at first, but it was funny, is like that was the last thing, is like just this thing should be working right now. It's not that I just like it gets so mad and people that don't know me from like 10, 15 years ago, they don't realize that I had that short fuse at one point and it took intentional action to make that change. And that's what you're really saying. At the end of the day, if you want to change, you need to decide what's that new thing you want to be and be intentional about that. And you mentioned that as well, about being intentional when you're looking at somebody, what's their intention behind what they said or what they did? Because that's the present, right now and what gets us in trouble and you mentioned this as well, which I'm just man that was gold right there that we are.

Speaker 1: 24:00

Expectations are both past and future, and because of the expectation of what we thought they were going to do, that's what we assume is what they meant by that.

Speaker 1: 24:11

So we really need to focus in on what was the intention by that at this present moment and not think about, okay, well, in the past, when they've done certain things like this, this is what they meant.

Speaker 1: 24:22

So it's got to be what they mean now, like, because that's not all the time that could be still the same case, but sometimes it does change, and so I like that, that the intention is the present moment.

Speaker 1: 24:33

And then, of course, there at the end, where he talked about filling your cup up and letting the overflow fill into other people, which really just means we got to. We have to build ourselves up and continue to do that, and as leaders, as men since we're both men on here and as I mean or even speakers, but but leaders and men we have huge responsibilities in our lives, and if we're just constantly pouring out and never filling ourselves up, we're going to be empty very quickly and those around us are going to end up being empty as well. And so we really have to continue to build ourselves up in different ways, whether it be getting around other great people that are on a similar path as us, or reading books, being on podcasts, listening to podcasts, stuff like that but we really have to continue bringing into ourselves so that the excess can flow over rather than just pouring out of ourselves. I love that.

Speaker 2: 25:28

Absolutely Love how you summed that all up.

Speaker 1: 25:31

Yeah, yeah, and so I mean this. This all sounds great, but from a tactical perspective, what can we do as a leader to really start developing our culture and just be a little bit more specific? Maybe we've let's just say we've been kind of leading this team and we want to make a change with the culture. So the culture's already set, we've been on this team for a while, but we've decided. You know what? I went? I went to one of Christopher's great workshops. He told me that I needed to make some changes If I really want to develop the culture. What can I do as a leader to start doing that and not have the team feel like it's just a flavor of the month?

Speaker 2: 26:12

Absolutely Well. It starts with awareness and, again, your consistency with your, your example and your resourcefulness every day. That's all you can control. I can't control what someone's going to do with that but it's also being consistent with the communication. It's not about telling people that you have to do, it's, it's sharing. We could have a daily huddle where we have 10 minutes and we might maybe mention something in there in that daily huddle for a minute we might get you know, have more inclusion.

Speaker 2: 26:40

People feel psychologically safe. When people feel psychologically safe, they're more likely to open up. They might realize that after a year you don't want to know something. Boss. What All this time I really didn't understand this, this and this. And you thought I did. I was afraid to say something because fearing that you might think I'm stupid and competent and then you would fire me.

Speaker 2: 27:04

The truth is that is widespread in almost every organization and every industry, because people don't feel psychologically safe. And psychologically safe is not about pleasing and enabling. That doesn't help anybody. That's codependency. It's through empathy and kindness that when we empower someone, somebody can feel more comfortable. Now to say I don't understand this. So when you can now include people in through huddles, that communication elevates, and now people are more likely to be more receptive by sharing amongst each other peer to peer and vice versa. To start now putting into play what can they do to improve their communication? How can they now take more accountability for their role in duties to step up and a great team knows that they compliment each other's roles. We're not dependent on each other's roles. So communication has got to be, it has to elevate to a level they've never imagined. For that to happen, the most effective and winning teams are the ones that communicate at a high level, but it's through that consistency.

Speaker 2: 28:13

So I wouldn't have a problem through my resource, unless sharing what my morning routine is, what is my evening routine. But why are you sharing this? I'm sharing this and regardless of my title, because these are the things that have helped me to overcome my shortcomings or my limiting beliefs, for allowing me to look at situations in a healthy versus an unhealthy way, how to respond versus react. I don't know if it'll be the same for you, but hey, if what you're doing isn't working, I figured I'd share this and maybe you take whatever I shared and do what you like with it. So it's a daily routine that I would share how I get up at a certain time, I meditate, I journal. Not everybody's gonna get it, but some people will start to pick up on that and start to do things for themselves. Because it's the people that when they learn through other people's example and resourcefulness and they become accountable for their role in duties and life and in their career and they start being consistent, then they can be an example for others and it becomes contagious. And this is what can then lead to building a better, healthier, more robust workplace environment.

Speaker 2: 29:23

And is it impossible? No, is it easy? No, but can it be done? Yes, over time. If the commitment to the process is from the top down, if it's only you know start at a certain level, well you might have some success. But if people feel like the management above is not on board and they're not in cohesion with what your specific team is doing, it may not be sustainable. So this is important that we gotta have patience. We have to trust the process, that you can only control the five things that you can with yourself. You can't control the same five things in other people, but it starts with you. You gotta be, you gotta show up to be the example and be a resource and communicate that through daily huddles, communicate it through email correspondence and be resourceful. So hopefully that rubs off on people in a good way to take action to improve their skills, their development over these different role and duties that they have in their jobs or in their businesses.

Speaker 1: 30:33

Yeah, man, so many more good points there. And this reminds me of a business workshop that I was at and this is for trades, people and stuff and they were talking about how they were working with this company and this company was going through and they were like, all right, we're gonna start wearing uniforms, do all this, we're gonna have this dress code and whatnot. And everybody was like, all right, all right, we'll get on board. And then the owner of the company said, yeah, all of y'all are gonna do that, except for me. And then they were telling us so like you can imagine this too that the air in the room, I mean it just went silent.

Speaker 1: 31:10

You know the way everybody felt, like I mean, really, we were on board, we were ready to go, and then you, as the leader, said, y'all are gonna do that, but not me, that's not my standard, that's y'all's standard. Like how can you just do that as a leader? And this is really what you were talking about. That's obviously something to help us understand this more. But when you don't do the things that you're saying, that you're gonna do that others should do, others won't do it as well, and then, or maybe they will, but they're looking outside, they're looking at, indeed they're looking anywhere they can to get out of that situation as fast as possible.

Speaker 2: 31:47

You're exactly right, phil. I mean, think about, like, if somebody says something that seems like hey, that's a good way to, we should probably look at that, that sounds really good. But then their behavior, their attitude, their emotions and their action contradict that. It's confusing. That's how I grew up. I would have my dad would say something, but all those other four things would contradict what he said. So I grew up constantly confused and you know, no coincidence, why I became a codependent and why I became angry and why I reacted to life in situations rather than respond. I had to redo the way I think.

Speaker 2: 32:26

But so I always say I always share with people, no matter what has been done to you, whether if it was not your fault or not, doesn't matter if it was not your fault or not. You are a product of your environment. You know when you come into this world. But it is your responsibility. Nobody else is, as an adult, to do something about it. It's not your boss's job, it's not your CEO's job. It's your job. So it's creating this awareness that you know through, like information sessions, like how you and I are talking here on your show or bringing somebody like you in to share with them about this and then see how that rubs off on people. Are people willing to commit, to take responsibility for themselves and then help each other? You know, by being more consistent with this so they could start to see the change. These things are evident.

Speaker 2: 33:17

You look at some companies like Zappos is an ideal example. Zappos, when they were formed, before they were owned by Amazon, they started off exactly from that type of culture from the beginning. And now, and you look at it, there's no coincidences why Zappos usually has a pretty high retention rate. Number two, they're ranked top five for customer service year after year. And it's not about the service, it's about the experience that they create, which is a byproduct of that psychologically safe workspace that they have. And Amazon, thank God, was smart enough to say, well, this is working, we're not going to stir the pot with our culture and mess anything up. You know, and thank God, they didn't do that. So they lot, they allowed Zappos to operate, as is, yeah, they. Why they're still very successful? Because it's not about women's shoes or shoes that people Like the company, because of how they make them feel. It's about the experience there. If you look at their slogan, it's about putting up a smile on someone's face each and every day. It's not about shoes.

Speaker 1: 34:27

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. And and you know I'm glad you brought this up again, I was gonna bring this up the psychological safety thing. When I first started hearing about this and it maybe had been at the time when I heard of it. I'm like that sounds, for lack of a better word. Like us, we'll see.

Speaker 1: 34:42

Like you, know, why are we talking about this, like, really, come on, like I'm not a wimp over here, but when I started looking into it more, doing some research and reading on it, I I realized that psychological safety is something that can happen so easily. In an Example and this is one that I mean I think it'll take a long time We'll change it, but what happens when you are just a professional at a corporation and senior management comes by, he felt like you got to sit up straight, you got to make sure you're clean, you're doing your work, or like the boss comes by, you act differently when that senior executive comes by, or even your boss, and that's just gonna be a natural thing. Is Gonna be very difficult for that to ever go away. But that's essentially what psychological safety is.

Speaker 1: 35:34

If you are feeling like you can't come forth about something or you have to change the way you talk in front of somebody or how you act, how you work, that is essentially, on a very elementary level, what psychological safety is. And so People can feel unsafe Psychologically very quickly based on how a leadership and how a manager Acts towards them or how they treat their team. And so can you give us some tips on that, because I think even just and more like the, the low-level things that we wouldn't think, like, oh, that's creating a Psychologically unsafe Environment, because I think this is an important thing that we need to understand as leaders well, it comes down to, again, the communication.

Speaker 2: 36:22

But a lot of times communication is very is based on assumption, speculation. It's not consistent and there's a division. People feel divided. Some people feel divided from their own Superior, the person they work for it could be upper management, like you know. So upper management does one thing or says one thing and then they do another. So what you know, their behavior, their attitude, their emotions and their actions contradict one another. Those are the signals that that that that people pick up on that. They don't feel like they can trust anybody. And so this, and what's the natural tendency with people? It's survival of the fittest. They're going to shut down, they're gonna not say anything. It's just like a turtle when it feels to threaten or fear, it's gonna go inside its shell. That's what happens, and this could be the same for a manager. But nobody wants to just to expose their weaknesses. God forbid that. That might mean that they're weak.

Speaker 2: 37:15

But when you could create transparency in the workplace, that if I'm a CEO and I get up there and say, hey, you know, here's what we're embarking on, but you want to know something? I had a hard time doing this. You know why? Because I'm a, I have ADHD. I bet you none of you never know that and the thing that is true about me. By the way, I have ADHD. Now a lot of people would say Chris people, why are you admitting that? Well, because I want to put that out there, to let you know that this is something that has impacted Me in the past with my communication, my behavior, my attitude, my emotions, and it worked against me. But I'm being transparent because I've done everything over the last 25 years To offset the symptoms through a daily routine. It allows my mind to be calm in the moment and that helps to now Reduce the, the, the, the negative things that are byproduct of that ADHD. I'm able to tap into the positive side of ADHD, which is the innovation, the creativity side of my mind.

Speaker 2: 38:20

Now, what if a CEO is sharing that and you're sitting there going what most people are gonna feel? Well, there, I have something similar to that too. They're gonna feel like I feel. I feel like I'm one in one with that person, like they're not. They're not here. They might be here title wise, but we're the same. And when people feel included, they're more likely now to open up and be more transparent.

Speaker 2: 38:45

But we can only get better when we can admit what we have to improve on. When we try to hide things, nothing improves. So when you can, when you can create this exclusivity inside of an organization, starting with yourself and then your team and then so on, that's if you you know again, because you can't control what other people are gonna do. You can only control what you can do Through your example and resourcefulness. That is what rubs off.

Speaker 2: 39:09

I've had people on social media reach out to me after four or five years I've been following your posts that I don't even know who they are. They don't even know me personally, but they were like I just want to let you know. You've helped me, to help myself. It was because of the consistency with my posting. Was it once a week, once every month, every day? So the power of discipline and consistency, owning your role in duties and in striving to get better of the things you can get better at, and knowing that you're not gonna be Graded everything that's okay, but that consistency is what really rubs off on people to start owning their own Situations, to start making those changes. That's what builds a winning team culture. Unfortunately, philip, still a lot of organizations don't not understand that they're still checking boxes off and not actually Trusting the process and willing to invest in the time and resources that to make those changes over time.

Speaker 1: 40:17

Yeah, and it is sad, and sometimes they even put the resources and the time into doing it, to do the training, and Then it falls off from there.

Speaker 2: 40:26

It was really.

Speaker 1: 40:28

Yeah, yeah, which really is the consistent part, because then it becomes the flavor of the month, which is the thing that every employee is waiting for. Okay, when are they gonna stop? But you just have to be consistent over time and this goes in with our life as well, not just as a leader, just as a person. If we are not consistent on the things that we want to do or want people to know us for or being, then they're never gonna know that. But if you, consistently, are doing the same thing over and over again, people will Eventually recognize you for that thing. And so if I could kind of summarize what you were saying for Leaders and I would love to hear, like, maybe, just like, this is what you need to do to build that culture. I know there's obviously a lot that goes into it, yeah, but based on what I was hearing, it's really transparency and consistency are the two things that you need as a leader to build that culture that you want to build.

Speaker 2: 41:23

Yeah, and again that in you being the example, if I'm disciplined, meaning that I get, I come into work At a certain time, I do certain things to prepare for, to be ready to, for success. You know, in knowing that, that there are gonna be things that are gonna work. Could I be going through a challenge? But now how I'm up, how I'm now responding to the challenge, not reacting to it when people observe that that's rubbing off on them in a positive way, maybe, maybe I can do it, I can do that and they start to see now that all these things that are happening Are not happening to them or happening for them. This is how we change your culture. It's one person at a time. This is why I'll give. I'll give it another analogy to make it make so. This will make it stick better.

Speaker 2: 42:12

It's like New Year's resolutions. Why do most New Year's resolutions fall through? Let's say, somebody wants to lose 30 pounds. The reason is because that person's going. I want to lose 30 pounds. That means I got to do this type of exercise and I got to do these types of things, blah. So they're already consumed, overwhelmed, all the things that they have to do to lose the 30 pounds.

Speaker 2: 42:32

And Then what's the natural tendency? When people become overwhelmed, fear comes in, they get anxiety and then they escape, and then they just go. They. Then they revert back to the same old bad habits For comfort. That's why it doesn't work. Same thing with what people do in the workplace. It's taking one thing at a time. What's one thing I can change that's gonna serve me to fill my cup and make it improve. And if I do it for 30 days, I'm gonna keep doing it, but then I'm gonna add another thing, and it's just one thing at a time. Over time, that begins to now becomes to be embedded at the subconscious level. It's just like a daily routine of habit. New habits those are the things where change starts to happen and when people start observing that they can start doing that for themselves, especially if you're communicating it on a consistent basis by sharing. Daily huddles are key for that.

Speaker 1: 43:29

Man, that is great and I like that summarization. You're right just focus on one thing at a time, be consistent with that, be transparent and eventually that culture will start to change, and I think that's the biggest thing. We want it to change. Now. It's not gonna change in an instance. It's gonna take time, just like it took time for it to get worse and worse and worse. So you finally said I need to make a change. It's the same thing. Now you gotta go backwards oh, really going forwards, but you have to get rid of the badness, of that bad culture, until it starts to become a good culture, and then it will accelerate over time. But be transparent, be consistent. Do one daily thing until you start stacking more and more things that you can do, but don't do 500 things at once, because you're gonna be overwhelmed, everybody's gonna be confused and it's just not gonna be good. This has been awesome. I wanna go to our last question here, and that is if you could only share one message for the rest of your life, what would that message be?

Speaker 2: 44:32

Oh well, here's the thing. It's a quote and I'll share it and it's something I live my life by each and every day. But don't just hear it as a quote. Hear it as something that, if you let it sink in and look at it every day, and let it sink in every day, put it in, write it down and put it in your mirror where you, when you're getting dressed in the morning, and look at it every day, give without expectation, receive without resistance. Now, what that means is, when I give without expectation, I'm not just doing for people Like. I'll give you an example.

Speaker 2: 45:08

I was speaking in Indianapolis recently and I was going out for dinner by myself because I figured at this point I wanted to kind of I've been on for all day, I've spoken twice. I just wanted to be by myself because I wanted to kind of just decompress, relax, and there was a homeless man that came up to me and I knew exactly what he was gonna do. He was gonna ask me for money and typically most people would do one or two things. They would just say no, I don't have any money, or just not look at them and walk the other way, or they would just gave him money. Now, either one, it's not gonna help him. Now somebody would say, well, wait a minute. Yeah, if you gave him money, that would help him. No, that's not gonna help him, because all I'm doing is just enabling him, pleasing him temporarily so he might get a meal, just to at least keep warm up his belly, or something like that. Yeah, so in some level it's kind of good, but it's still gonna enable him, because all he's gonna keep doing is begging, begging, begging and not doing anything to rise out of that bad situation that he's in.

Speaker 2: 46:14

What I decided to do is I had a conversation with him. I started talking with him. He wasn't mentally ill to the point where because if somebody's mentally ill, it's gonna be irrational You're not gonna be able to have a conversation. This man was still coherent, where he understood what I was saying, and I began to look into his eyes and I can see the pain and I can see the hardship that he had and why he was on the streets. And I asked him when was the last time that you felt you had success in your life? And he looked at me like and I saw a tear in his eye Like nobody ever asked him that Nobody ever asked him that. And he said I did have success when I was young, but I fell into drugs and alcohol, lost my family and the addiction just took me down a bad road. He goes. Good news is I'm not on drugs anymore, but I can't seem to get out of this. I can't find work. I've been out of work for so long. Nobody wants to hire me. And I look at the way I look. I'm missing teeth. I shower if I'm lucky once a month. And I looked at him. I said you're thinking about all your problems. What are the good things that are happening in your life? And I just had this conversation and I won't go into the whole story. But what I did is by asking him questions, I ended up buying him that meal on the promise Doesn't mean he was gonna do it on the promise. He was gonna do one thing tomorrow, not to ask for money for food, but he was gonna do something to earn that money to buy himself a meal. And he again had a tear in his eye and he goes, bless you.

Speaker 2: 48:16

So where I'm going with this is getting back to the give, without expectation. It's about empathy and kindness, not pleasing and enabling. That's why I'm not a big fan of nonprofits, even though I have one. Nonprofits just enable the problem they just give, give, give here's. They're not helping people to help themselves. That's not helping people. When I can be an example and a resource from it being the kind I can inspire people to do for themselves, I don't have to do it for them. That's what giving without expectations.

Speaker 2: 48:47

And when you receive, when it comes back to you like a boomerang, not from the source you gave to, but from anywhere, as long as it serves me in a positive and healthy way, I will not resist. I gladly accept it. I don't care if I find a penny on the ground, I gladly pick it up and I'm grateful for that penny in my pocket. And when I can receive I can fill my cup again. To continue giving without expectation.

Speaker 2: 49:17

Most people give but give to please and enable others. And oftentimes they're doing it not necessarily because they I'm not saying they don't do it for a good deed, they are but sometimes they're doing it but they don't realize is to satisfy their own self-limity belief. If I give to this person, it'll validate that I'm a good person. That's not why you should be doing it. You don't, because the things you don't have to validate anybody, let alone yourself.

Speaker 2: 49:47

So when we can do this, if I filled my cup because a lot of people give from an empty cup, that's why a lot of expectations fall through the cracks, cause somebody's giving and giving and giving, but there's nothing to really give, they're depleted but when I can fill my cup, my example, my resourceness eventually will inspire others to step up. My hope is that I inspired that man to step up for the first time in his life in a long time, to get out of a situation. That's an example that I love to share, to inspire people to live their life by and watch how your life, no matter what challenges and obstacles you're going through, how your life, can start to change and bring more prosperity into your life. When I say prosperity, it doesn't mean just money and fame and not it's how you begin to appreciate the small things in life, grateful that you have a meal, you've got loved ones around you, whatever. That's where I wanted to leave it from there man.

Speaker 1: 50:49

That is great right there, and that makes me think of the book Go-Giver by Bob Berg.

Speaker 2: 50:55

Oh yeah, Bob's good friend of mine.

Speaker 1: 50:56

Perfect, oh nice, that's awesome, that's awesome. So well, Christopher, I appreciate all the amazing value that you brought on this podcast, the good nuggets that we had in here. If people want to follow you, get to know more about what you got going on, just to follow the great messages that you share Where's the best place for them to follow you at?

Speaker 2: 51:15

Well, I mean, linkedin is a great place, where I've always I'm not all social media platforms, but LinkedIn is a great place. You can also reach out to me at chris at christenforsalemcom or chris at sustainablesuccessnet, either one. My websites are christenforsalemcom, that's more my speaker executive coach site and then my sustainable success is for businesses and organizations from the business acceleration side and certified workplace advisor, and I love to connect and get to know people.

Speaker 1: 51:49

Awesome. Well, christopher, thanks again for coming on the podcast and sharing the value.

Speaker 2: 51:53

Thank you so much, Philip, for having me.