A Purposeful Life Through the Art of Enjoyment with Mark Zalmanoff

Enter the realm of boundless joy with Marc Zalmanoff, a beacon of positivity and a firm believer in the "joy code." This uplifting episode delves into the transformative power of cultivating happiness as a lifestyle choice. Marc's insights unveil the daily habits and mindset shifts needed to navigate life's hurdles with resilience and optimism, emphasizing the invaluable support in fostering community connections and camaraderie.

Amidst the hustle of daily life, Marc reminds us to seize the fleeting moments of joy, from celebrating our children's milestones to embracing the mundane with grace. Through practical anecdotes and philosophical reflections, we explore the art of finding contentment in life's simplest pleasures and the profound impact of choosing happiness amidst the noise of modern living. Mark's journey serves as a poignant reminder that amidst life's challenges, we possess the power to craft a purposeful existence filled with moments of joy and fulfillment. Join us as we embark on a journey to unlock the secrets of lasting happiness and embrace the magic of everyday living.

NOTABLE QUOTES
"To have joy in your life doesn't mean I'm always happy, but it does mean I'm internally fulfilled." – Marc
"A society with healthy men is a better society." – Marc
"Live presently. Take advantage of the blessings in front of you." – Marc
"Live in a manner that at the end of every day [you] can look up and see that it was a good day. . . because one day it will be your last." – Marc
"Regardless of the external, I still get to choose how I think about it and how I respond to it." – Marc
“It's amazing what our mind does and how much we have to fight [it], especially when it comes to negativity." – Philip
"Control what you can control. Because if you focus on [things you can’t control], that's when the negativity comes in, that's when our mind starts to shut down." – Philip
"You may not have a choice in the circumstance, but you can control your mind." – Philip
“As humans, we are emotional creatures and when something happens, most of the time we will have an immediate emotional reaction. Be aware of what that initial reaction is and then ask [yourself]: ‘Is this an appropriate reaction for the stimulus?’” – Marc
“The awareness that we can create with our initial responses teaches us a lot and it can show us where our faults lie.” – Marc
“Recognizing that trigger is so important for us to be able to help with the start of getting to more of a positive mindset and a positive reaction to everything.” – Philip
“The Lord doesn't give you patience. He [allows you] to be patient.” – Marc 
“Be the change.” – Marc
“Continue to strive for better.” – Marc
“It comes down to us changing ourselves—being a certain person that we want to be—and that will end up being that'll be mirrored out in your environment because the people around you will start being like that.” – Philip
“This is your life. You get to craft it however you want.” – Marc

RESOURCES
Marc
Website: https://www.marczfitness.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefitnessninja/ 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marc.zalmanoff

Philip
Digital Course: https://www.speakingsessions.com/digital-course
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealphilipsessions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:16

What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Speaking Sessions podcast. I've got Mark here. He is a seasoned coach, speaker, author and purveyor of joy. He has been coaching people there he goes, lifting his hands up people to a better existence since 2003 through a variety of modalities including business, fitness, nutrition and life in general. Mark's unique combination of stoic philosophy, his overtly optimistic outlook on life and a healthy dose of perspective make a positive impact on the world and the people around him. He is the author of two Amazon bestselling books Make Good Choices and Real Talk with Real Fit Pros and host of Make Good Choices podcast. And today we're going to talk about how, in the world, in this world of negativity, of social pressure, all these things that really put people down how he is able to keep joy one for himself, two for his family, but three for all of those around him, because this is a subject I think is very important for us to talk about. But before we get into that, mark, welcome to the show.

Speaker 2: 1:26

Thanks for having me. Man, I am excited to be here, excited to chat with you, excited to spread some joy. You know, hopefully people can hear you know, people who won't ever see this but hear it. It can hear us smiling and having a good time. When my grandmother, who was a huge influence on my life growing up, she was the happiest person I had ever seen and taught me all kinds of lessons that I didn't realize I was being taught along the way. But she used to work in this apartment complex for old people basically it wasn't assisted living but kind of and she would answer the phones and volunteer downstairs and people could literally hear her smiling, like they could hear her joy. And again I remember people telling me that she wasn't the one sharing that with me like other people would, and I'm like huh, that's interesting. And later on down the road I'm like man, like she was really teaching us some stuff back then that I had no idea I was being taught that now I get to use some of that.

Speaker 1: 2:24

So anyway, I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Let's do this thing. Yeah, man, and I love that story there because I get some similar things on that Like man, you're just always so positive. And it was funny. I was at work the other day and we've got this intern and he was just super upbeat and I couldn't help but think about this was I was, I'm like 32 now, I was probably about 23 to 25, somewhere in there and I remember the manager I had at the time. He was just telling me he's all like man. I remember being upbeat, like that. He's like just give it a few years and you'll start having negativity. Like you won't be excited to be at work, you won't be smiling all the time, and some of that has been true. There are days where I definitely don't smile a lot, but there's more days I smile than I don't smile. But just seeing that guy, I thought about that Dude.

Speaker 1: 3:11

I remember being that maybe gullible is a good word or just ignorant to the negativity at work and everything and just how things, especially as entrepreneurs and leaders, how we just want everything now.

Speaker 1: 3:28

We want to take action now, and a lot of times, especially in the corporate world, it's about waiting to take action. You got to wait until all these things happen before you can do that, and so it starts to wear on people a lot of times and I couldn't help but think about that. But that's where I want us to go with this conversation is how do we really create that positivity? And before we get into that, I want to give you a little shameless plug on the group so you can kind of bring this in. You started this men's group to help out with this joy, because we talked a little offline as well about you know, I've always just been able to make people happy, make people smile, people feel good around me, but I've never really understood what that's like. So let's dive into like why you created the group, and then we can move into like how you found out this system or this process to make people happy.

Speaker 2: 4:14

Yeah. So, like I said, you know I've always been the happy guy, like most people that know me would say I'm the happiest person they know. I mean, I just came back from an event in South Carolina last week and you know several of the guys that know me for a while they're like man, you really are the happiest fucking dude. That, I know, is the way I was made. I don't deny that whatsoever. But you know, I'm 44 years old and I've I've had kids and failed relationships and failed businesses, and you know life's kicked me in the teeth just like anybody else. But I've I've consciously made a decision to not let those things affect me and, and you know we're we're going to dive a little bit deeper. So I don't want to just glaze over it like, oh well, I just go through life with rose colored glasses, because that's not always the case, but there's definitely a system that I've been able to employ of how I operate, daily habits that I implement and and shifting my perspective of what the world's showing us.

Speaker 2: 5:11

As you mentioned already, like you know, the world's full of shit, but it always kind of has been. Like you know, I've joked around at any given time in in history. You can look and go, man, the world's ending, like you know, people talk about the end times and you know when's Jesus coming back? Right, well, I mean think about, like when the plague was happening in the 14, 1500s, like people had to think, man, I mean they literally called it the Black Death, right, yeah, like I think a third or quarter or a third of the European population literally died. That's a lot of people all at one time, right? You look to the World Wars, you know. Look at World War I, world War II, I mean.

Speaker 2: 5:51

Hitler certainly looked like the Antichrist at that point. We got millions of people just being slaughtered. Seems like the end's coming and we can continue to pinpoint all these things that happen, but I don't think the end's coming anytime soon y'all.

Speaker 2: 6:05

Like your end may be coming, but the end isn't coming yet. And now we live in this age of social media and we're just bombarded with even more imagery and more. You're not good enough and you don't have that and you don't have this, and you're not as pretty as she is and you're not as ripped as that guy and you don't have that car. You know all the things that when we talk about, the world is out to get you or wants to bring you down or is colluding against you. I mean, we could buy into all of that and we can easily be influenced by the lack of whatever it is the lack of love, the lack of respect, the lack of material things, the lack of money. We can easily be influenced by that or we can make a conscious decision to not be. And again, it's not that simple.

Speaker 2: 6:47

I understand that. But the more I kind of dove into, why am I the way that I am? Why do I operate this way? What are the things that allow me to keep my joy, despite what's going on in the world? And I'm still very realistic about what's happening around me. You kind of, you know, as a business owner you kind of have to be. You can't just like completely tune everything out. And a couple of years ago I had this idea to start something that I called the joy code. So it's basically like, how can I help other people feel this? Because this feels real fucking good. It feels good to wake up joyful and even though, when things are not going your way, to still have joy in your life doesn't mean I'm always happy, but it does mean I'm internally fulfilled. And so then you know I have this idea. And then my wife gets pregnant and we have the baby.

Speaker 2: 7:38

And you know, anybody that's ever had a baby knows life goes sideways for like six to nine months, and so finally the end of last year, everything kind of started coming together. The timing was right. We have a great nanny, so we have a good schedule with our baby. My wife's back into her groove. She's also a business owner and a coach. So just a lot of moving pieces. But it was time to finally put something together and get something out to the public.

Speaker 2: 8:05

So I launched a men's only coaching group called the Club, and the whole intent of this is to help men find more community, more purpose, more fulfillment in life, which all leads to having more joy in life. And the reason I chose men specifically is because men suffer from this more than anybody. Plus, there's plenty of women's groups, and I don't really want to coach women on stuff other than health and fitness, because that's not my forte. I don't want that. Take that for what it's worth. But there's so many guys out there just miserable, and they may be successful on paper, they may have money and they may have a good job and in their family life maybe even be OK, but there's an emptiness that they're operating with and they feel alone in their struggles.

Speaker 2: 8:52

Meanwhile, there's like a million other dudes struggling with the same exact thing.

Speaker 2: 8:56

So you know the formation of this group is truly to help bring men together and create healthy men in our society, because history tells you that a society with healthy men is a better society.

Speaker 2: 9:09

And when I say healthy, I mean mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. You know, across the board, not just physically fit. There's a lot of bodybuilders that are also miserable and there's a lot of rich guys that are out of shape. So you know, I want men truly being fit across the board. I want them to have a resource and a community to lean into and have real conversations and not be afraid to share what they're struggling with where they may not be able to do that with their circle of friends or the people they work with. So that's the true intention behind it. I'm excited to finally get it up and running. It is a thing already. We've already had one group call, so I mean, literally, we're recording this in February of 24. So I launched it early this month and I'm just excited to have this as an offering of what I do and how I can add value to this world.

Speaker 1: 10:00

Man. That's awesome and it is so important. And I know there's kind of that stereotype like, oh, why would you have an only men's group? Why not include women and stuff like that? But we're just different At the end of the day, we are built different and sure, there are some men that are more feminine and some women that are more masculine, but at the end of the day, we as men need to get together and be able to have somewhere to talk and have that quote unquote safe space, so to speak. But be around other guys, because I've noticed this with women, especially women that are more in their feminine. They want a man that's more masculine and then the only way to get more masculine is to be around other masculine guys, or really just other testosterone. That's the only way to be that man there, if you will. And so it's important and I like that you're doing that.

Speaker 1: 10:53

But let's take a step back, because I think that's a great group. Definitely go check that out. I know Mark's always doing some great stuff. Everything that I've seen that he's done so far has been great. So get with Mark with that Once you listen to this and be a part of that group for sure. But let's, let's take that step back, let's go what does the structure look like to create that joy, and then let's dive into that from there.

Speaker 2: 11:15

Yeah, so I'm going to. I'm going to revert back to my grandma again a little bit, because if I search for the root of all this, that's where it leads back to. So the last 15 years of her life she had breast cancer, stomach cancer, bone cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, two strokes, all the things. And when she passed away I think she was 87, 88 years old. Every right in the world to complain. You know, nobody would have faulted her one bit if she walked around. Man, you know, this hurts and that hurts and I'm tired and this sucks and I'm in pain. And never, never was she like that. And again, at the time I didn't realize what I was being shown. But you know, she would wake up every day truly grateful that she was alive. I mean, that's really what it came down to. Was she just had a gratitude for life? And I saw that. I didn't realize it at the time, but I saw that.

Speaker 2: 12:15

And I'm like man if this woman who is physically suffering and I know she is is able to continue to walk around with a smile on her face and joy in her heart and have gratitude, then surely my solvable first world problems are going to be okay. And so she was kind of this foundation. As my life went on and things didn't go my way. I'm like I always thought back to her, like she was. She was struggling with a problem that money couldn't solve, like her health was going downhill. There was no saving it at some point. You know she, she was old where, like, most of the problems that I have are either my own doing from from poor choices, or they're things that can be solved with money and while it doesn't take the stress away from it, but when you know, okay, you know I got cashflow problems or whatever, you know, the rent's due in the gym coming up the first of the month every month, well, we can figure those things out. Those things have an actual black and white solution to them. And it just started to make me realize like, okay, she had gratitude.

Speaker 2: 13:20

That was a huge part of her day, literally just roaming around. Thank you God for another day. Like seems simple enough and every day really is a gift Like I truly believe if you woke up, you still have purpose. Your job here isn't done and you may never know what that fully is, but you're making a difference somewhere in this world by your existence and I will stand by that. And even people that don't think they do anything right. They've destroyed everything they've ever put their hands on. They don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. They're still serving a purpose for somebody somewhere. So we have this huge gratitude piece and then the other piece, I think, is perspective. You know, I, for somebody who's as happy as I am, I also talk about death a lot, because that's the end for all of us.

Speaker 2: 14:08

You know, as far as we know, nobody gets out of this thing alive. You know, one of my friends said yesterday he was like yeah, but if Elon Musk does like the download your consciousness into the robot thing, I'm like okay we're not there yet.

Speaker 2: 14:19

You know we may get there.

Speaker 2: 14:21

Who knows, you know, maybe we'll all live forever in consciousness, but just having perspective of your own mortality, I think, is enormous.

Speaker 2: 14:30

To living presently, to taking advantage of the blessings in front of you, to not always be wishing for the next thing while you got the thing that's in front of you, that you wished for two years ago, you know, you got a little girl, I got a little boy at home and I got two older boys too.

Speaker 2: 14:49

But the perspective of having, you know, my middle child is 16 and my baby is 15 months. It's a pretty big gap there, yeah, but the perspective that I've been gifted in watching my baby and watching my 16 year old at the same time is huge, because it seems like just yesterday he was that baby and now he's driving and he's got a girlfriend and he's doing you know, he's riding BMX and doing all these things, and so it's making me and I was present for my other kids, but like it's making me and I was present for my other kids, but like it's making me even more present for my baby, it's making me appreciate the moments even more, because I know how fleeting they know they are, I know how fast it goes.

Speaker 2: 15:30

And so as I go about my daily activities, every day, I'm very aware and very conscious of the things that I have to be grateful for, the blessings that are in front of me, the opportunities that I get to have. And you can't live every day like it's your last. I say that all the time Like that's a pipe dream. You know, Philip, you're a great guy. I wouldn't be on this podcast if today was my last day.

Speaker 1: 15:51

Like yeah, I wouldn't want you to be here.

Speaker 2: 15:56

But we can live in a manner that at the end of every day I can look up and go that was a good day. I did some good, I spread some joy. I loved on people. I told my loved ones that I love them. I did things that made me happy and put a smile on my face. Like we can do that stuff every single day, because one day it will be your last day.

Speaker 2: 16:18

You know, hopefully for me that's you know, 50, 60, 70 years from now. You know, I hope I have a long time left, but if I don't, I just want to know when I lay my head down tonight that it was a good day. And I don't always get it right. I'm not perfect. There's plenty of times I screw things up and say the wrong thing and piss somebody off or whatever. But but as a whole I do get it right more often than I don't. But all those things are very conscious decisions of am I going to let something bother me? That really shouldn't.

Speaker 2: 16:46

You know how often do we get riled up about something that just doesn't matter? You know, spend seven seconds on social media and you'll see. You know, hundreds and thousands of people just fucking mad for no reason about somebody posting something. Listen, I saw this post. I think it was like a fitness influencer chick or something, and she shares this video of her. She's walking down the sidewalk and like dancing and she got her headphones on. She's kind of doing a little dance, you know, all by herself and like the whoever's filming is filming from like a, a couple stories up from an apartment building or something, so obviously staged it's not. You know that it's a stage whatever, but the whole message was just like Be happy.

Speaker 1: 17:30

There was literally there was nothing behind it.

Speaker 2: 17:33

You know, she wasn't even in like super revealing clothing or anything. It was just her literally walking down the street dancing, having a great time. And the comment section was just this cesspool of shit and these people railing on her, and you know, I mean it went as far as like her white privilege and I'm like, oh my God, are you serious?

Speaker 1: 18:46

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:47

You got somebody literally just trying to spread positivity in a world, you know, that's chock full of negativity and these people are just railing on her and, like man, is that what we've come to? Like you can't just let somebody be happy because you're miserable. It's like it just it just blew my mind, but like we need people like that.

Speaker 2: 19:07

We have to, because when the majority of what we see and hear and feel, I mean hell just go talk to regular people on the street and they'll start complaining about the weather and complain about the economy and complain about the price of eggs and all that stuff's kind of fun, sometimes a little bit here and there, but at the end of the day, what are you? What are you really doing to improve your own life? And most people aren't doing anything, which is why they're so miserable. And so if I can be a messenger at all, if anybody's listening that they can be. Like you know what, like I actually do have a choice in how I respond to things and what my thoughts are and then what my actions are. If anybody's listening to that, they will change their world, because that's what did it for me. Is that understanding that, regardless of the external, I still get to choose how I think about it and how I respond to it. And it's huge.

Speaker 1: 20:01

Yeah, and you're right, it really does come down to choice. And, and so I thought about, like you're right, it really does come down to choice. And something I thought about like way earlier and I forgot to mention this as well like with being in shape, like fitness wise, most people think like, oh man, the workouts, the eating right, is the hard thing. No, it's everything up here in your mind that's the hard thing. And going to the gym eating the same meal every single day, that's easy in comparison to all the fights that go on in your head. And I think about it anytime I start to go on somewhat kind of a I try not to diet anymore or anything like that, because I'm not going for a bodybuilding show, I don't, so I don't need to be ultra strict. But when I start trying to restrict certain things or reduce the amount that I intake, all of a sudden in my mind it's like well, you know, I've done it for three days, it's not such a big deal. It's all these mind games that are going on and it's just crazy. And then I had that self-awareness to realize that that's going on and I'm like this is insane. Or I decided today oh, I'm going to have black coffee, I'm never going to have creamer again, or I'm not going to do it for a month. Literally the same day, I'll be like, oh man, but you just started, so it's not a big deal. You can pick it back up tomorrow.

Speaker 1: 21:13

It's amazing what our mind does and how much we have to fight our mind for really anything. But especially when it comes to negativity, I can't help but think about your grandma too. You mentioned about having choices. We all have a choice. We can be positive or we can be negative with it. We can look at it as a good thing or as hey, you know what, I can't change it. So, whatever, I'm going to live the way that I can live, and that's what your grandma did and that's what a lot of other joyful people do. You know what? I can't control this, and that's the thing I think we need to really come to, and I know the circles that we run in.

Speaker 1: 21:46

We've had people say this where control what you can control the things you can't control? Forget about them, because if you focus on oh man, this happened, this person didn't show up for this, da, da, da, da da, and all these things, that's when the negativity comes in, that's when our mind starts to shut down. And so your grandma could have done that easily. Oh, my life's just terrible. It's ruined. I've had these three different kinds of cancers and I've got diabetes and this and that and the other. And you're right, like nobody would fault her if she decided to be negative. And then just, oh, woe is me. Like, oh yeah, I'd be the same way. But instead she decided to say you know what? I'm not going to be that person, I'm going to be positive, I'm going to be upbeat. I've got another day I get to be here with my family.

Speaker 1: 22:33

And what's cool is we're sitting here talking and having a conversation about your grandma, and clearly that impacted you and I'm sure that impacted other people, and we talk about the positive people more than we talk about the negative people. And if we talk about the negative people, it's like, oh my gosh. I remember Mark gosh. That guy complained all the time I couldn't stand being around him. Like every time he came to the room, all the energy evaporated, like nobody wanted to be there anymore and he just walked in. And so, like it's, it's so important for us to mentally be there, but then also make that choice, like you said, to decide, because everything it doesn't matter, even the cancer, like your grandma had. You have a choice of how you're going to react to that. Yes, you may not have a choice in the circumstance, but you can control your mind. So focus on controlling the things that you can control. Controlling the things that you can control versus the things that you can't control, and that that, to me, is part of what helps with that positive mindset.

Speaker 2: 23:32

Yeah, you know something, for, for anybody that's listening, that is like, okay, well, that sounds great, but how do I do that?

Speaker 2: 23:38

Right, like you know, in theory everything's awesome. So, but something we have to remember is that, like, as humans, we are emotional creatures and when something happens, most of the time we will have an emotional reaction, like immediate. We have an immediate emotional reaction. One of the best things somebody can do is to be aware of what that initial reaction is and then ask themselves what that initial reaction is and then ask themselves is this an appropriate reaction for the stimulus? So, you know, if I'm driving and somebody cuts me off and like my immediate reaction, like, okay, why he? You know, if he didn't hit my truck, he got in my way all of three seconds and I'll never meet this person and I'm still going to wherever it was that I'm going, and I've been inconvenienced absolutely zero, you know, other than maybe I had to tap my brakes or something. So maybe for five seconds, a whole five seconds, I was completely inconvenienced and then, outside of that, it's done, right? Well, think about how many people get road rage, and you know would let that literally ruin their entire morning.

Speaker 2: 24:52

So you and I can we can have that same reaction.

Speaker 2: 24:55

I can still have that gut reaction of like F, that guy you know but then I can be like, wait a minute, like really, you know, maybe maybe he got in a fight with his wife when he left the house, or maybe he's got to go to the bathroom real bad and he's trying to get to where he needs to go, right, so I can question my initial reaction, ask myself if it's valid, and then make a decision after that. And that's the step. I think a lot of people A miss and B never analyze. I think a lot of people A miss and B never analyze. And so again, for somebody who's really who struggles with that, who feels like they don't have that control, I think that's a great starting place. It's just as you go about your day and emotions in all which way shape or form Right, like something good can happen. You know, you turn on the social media and you see like some heartwarming story, and you get a little, a little teary eyed. Ok, well, why am I feeling that way?

Speaker 1: 25:50

Well, it that warm fuzzy feeling.

Speaker 2: 25:50

It reminds me of my grandma or, you know, reminds me of my daughter, reminds me of my son and man, like wow, that's a really great feeling. I want to make sure and give him a little extra hug later on. You know again something as simple as that, so it goes both ways.

Speaker 2: 26:03

But I think the awareness that we can create with our initial responses teaches us a lot and it can really show us where I don't want to say our faults lie, but you know where our faults lie If we have these very harsh reactions right Over and over and over again. I firmly believe we can retrain our mind to understand why we're having those reactions and then quickly ship them, not later on down the road, but like literally ship them in that moment and be like well, why am I getting so pissed off about this guy cutting me off in traffic? It's not that big of a deal.

Speaker 1: 26:40

Yeah, I'm fine, my vehicle's fine, we're all still going the same, the same place and I know for a fact that you can change that, because that that used to be me. I used to be that guy, like I was always this happy, go easy guy, but then stupid little things, man, I just go off the lid for no reason. And I remember one time, specifically my, my grandma happened to be going with us. We were going to my mom's college graduation. She had went back to school, of course, after we were born and everything, and got her degree and my phone. We were inside the building and you couldn't get any reception in there. We had already been like outside for 10 minutes or so, my phone still didn't have reception and we were trying to leave and I didn't know exactly where we were at. So I try to get the GPS up and I literally like bang my phone on the steering wheel because I'm so pissed off at this stupid phone because it's not working. And my grandma was like what in the world? Like she hadn't really seen me angry like that and of course my family kind of had, so they were kind of used to it, but she couldn't believe that. And then I just started thinking about that and then think about other times where I've gotten mad and I realized anymore like it started out, like a lot of things would make me mad and it started being like less and less, but it was like inanimate objects that I was getting mad at for no reason, Right. But the real reason why I decided to make the change was because, even though I was this positive person, those little spurts of negativity and anger that would come out of nowhere, that is what set a precedence for a lot of people around me, and I could see some of the fear in them, or sometimes they would be a little hesitant to hang around me because they're like well, when's Phillip going to get pissed off? When's Phillip going to fly off the handle about something? And so we didn't get as close as I thought we should, or I thought we were, because it kind of felt more one-sided in that relationship.

Speaker 1: 28:31

So I say this to whoever maybe they're having this trouble with being joyful, that you just need to start making the decision and then putting that conscious effort towards, like Mark was saying, when you got pissed off or when you had an emotion that you didn't like, even if you got sad for some reason, saddened by something, what made you sad, what made you angry, what made you happy? And look at that and realize why is that triggering you that way? And if that's not an emotion you want, then try and work on that. And it's similar to speaking, where you have ums and ahs and you start realizing, wow, I say um and ah a lot. And okay, now I know subconsciously I say um and ah a lot. And so when I get to that point I'm about to say it I start to recognize it and I stop myself.

Speaker 1: 29:21

Same thing with these emotions that you just start flying off the handle. You start recognizing the trigger as it's coming up and you can help yourself stop that. And maybe you still like oh, and then you kind of stop versus oh, my gosh, you go off. It starts slowly getting less and less. But recognizing that trigger, like you said, is so important for us to be able to help with the start of getting to more of a positive mindset and a positive reaction to everything.

Speaker 2: 29:50

Listen, if you put together a piece of Ikea furniture without at least once going where the fuck is the book, oh, never mind.

Speaker 1: 29:57

You're not doing it right so there's grace in this.

Speaker 2: 30:01

You still get some grace in all this, but isn't it funny how, most of the time, like you said, it is inanimate objects, it's things that have no, there's no emotion to the thing, and yet we get so irritated with it? And meanwhile, like you're quite a bit younger than I am and so like I grew up with dial-up internet connection and you just kind of sat there, you're like you know, it took you like seven minutes for the internet to fire up. Now it's like the wifi signal isn't strong enough. You're like, well, I'm sorry, you know you should just lose your shit for no reason. Like maybe you're being taught patience, huh, you know.

Speaker 1: 30:37

And again, you know this as a father like that's the man.

Speaker 2: 30:40

if that ain't the number one lesson when you have a baby in the house, it's just patience, patience, patience, patience. All day long, you know, because the Lord doesn't give you patience. He gives you opportunity to be patient, and that's another great lesson for all of us to learn.

Speaker 1: 30:55

Oh yeah, man, and I can't help but think about that. I can't think of a specific example, but there was just something silly that my daughter like she couldn't, let's just say, get something open. I forget exactly what it was. It just just getting angry because it's not working for her. And that's literally us as adults, like when we can't find something in the Ikea furniture, like, oh, I forgot this thing. And you're like, oh, it's right there, wow, I'm an idiot, like. And then we say that negative word too, like wow, I'm an idiot. And then we say that negative word too, like wow, I'm an idiot. Or I can't believe that.

Speaker 1: 31:27

But if we had that outside perspective, I think that would help us. That's where this conscious effort put towards that helps us out, because it kind of gives that outside perspective, without obviously being on the outside or recording yourself all the time To do that. Because when we see our child get angry over the silliest thing because they just haven't been able to learn it yet, they don't know it yet. Or, oh yeah, I was like or try to teach my daughter a little bit how to put her own clothes on, and she's still wearing diapers though, but she'll get so mad because she can't get the waistline over her diaper, like over her butt and everything it's like. One day she even farted grunting that hard, but it was just hilarious.

Speaker 1: 32:08

But that's what. That's what we do as adults like. We get so frustrated over this inanimate object yeah, like you said, the wi-fi and yet we're gonna let the rest of the day, or that person that cut us off in traffic that we barely tapped the brakes and we're good. Now we're pissed off all the way to work or all the way to our destination because of that one person that was in our life for five seconds.

Speaker 2: 32:29

You know, the toddler thing is such a great example, though, because they don't have control over their thoughts or emotions at all, you know everything is right in the present and revolves completely around them.

Speaker 2: 32:40

They have no concept of the outside world, right? And we see that, like my, my son maximus, he, he likes taking jars off a lens and stuff, so he gets frustrated when he can't get the thing to actually come off or get back on or whatever right, and they do something like that. And what do we do as parents? You're like it's okay, like you know, you try to calm them down a little bit, like it's fine, look, look, this totally works, and then, and then they're okay. But yet we do the same fucking thing as adults and meanwhile, like if somebody's looking at you and saw you do those things and I've done it, so you know again, I'm not immune to any of this.

Speaker 2: 33:14

Somebody just look at you, be like dude, it's, oh, it's okay, man, it's, you're gonna get it open or you're gonna get the nail in there. You could get the screw out of the thing Like it's, it's fine, you look. You look at somebody like they're crazy. But yeah, it's like we just don't learn. You know, that's the other thing too.

Speaker 2: 33:33

I study a lot of stoicism and I talk a lot about it in my social media stuff. Most of the stoic writings were written roughly 2000 years ago and some a little bit before then. But if you read the struggles and trials and tribulations that those guys went through, and if you change their language to modern day language, you would have no idea they were talking 2000 years ago, Because man continues to deal with the same thing over and over and over again. They dealt with stress and politics and gossip and all these things. I mean it's the same problem over and over and over again.

Speaker 2: 34:11

But again, that's great for those of us who choose to pursue better, who choose to have awareness, who choose to figure out okay, why do I react this way? Why am I feeling these things? How can I be just a little bit better today. I'm never going to be perfect, but how can I get better at the things that I'm doing and the way that I react? There's a blueprint there for us to win and you know we get to be the ones that make the change.

Speaker 2: 34:36

You know the old be the change adage right Like I, I strive to be the change. I can't change the world, Like I can't do it by myself, but I can change me and I can change the world around me and my circle of influence and the people that I coach, and the people that walk in my gym, and my wife and my kids in the hopes that they get something from that. And then they can go influence somebody else. And they can go influence somebody else and it's the butterfly effect that we always talk about where that stuff spreads. And again, it's never going to be perfect. It'll stop somewhere. Somebody's always going to choose to be miserable and you can't change that. So all you can do is just show up the best version of yourself possible, continue to strive for better and hope that somebody catches a little bit of that.

Speaker 1: 35:25

You know people that walk in my gym, you know there's a feeling in here.

Speaker 2: 35:29

There's a feeling of it's hard work, for sure, but you know, we have fun and we tell jokes and we laugh and we smile and when they leave, they leave with a smile on their face.

Speaker 2: 35:40

Yeah, they may have got beat down, but they're glad to have been here because I want to be one of the best parts of people's day in whatever I do. So, whether that's, you know, coaching the men's group or coaching health and fitness, or being on a call with you, like any interaction I have with other people, I want it to be one of the best parts of their day. That's, that's the goal and you know, again, way easier said than done. But if I operate with that mentality, then I know that I'm going to make the impact that I desire to make and it may be felt right now, it may be felt 10 years from now, it may be felt by somebody listening to this. So it may not even be you or me in this interaction, but it could be somebody listening to this eight months from now. I'm like, oh shit, like never thought about things that way. I can do that. I can be a little bit better in that realm. Then I'm serving my purpose. I'm serving my mission.

Speaker 1: 36:32

Yeah, yeah, and something you mentioned about the gym. I know Thomas Keenan has said something about you. It's like you're torturing him but smiling at the same time. I forget what he said. I know he said it probably a couple times, but yeah, just about you being positive while he's sitting there suffering through a workout. Very true, yeah, and so you went right where I was wanting to go. Next, we've talked a lot about ourselves, how we can consciously be thinking about how we're reacting to things and change that reaction based on how we want to change it. But how do we kind of help control that outside? What are some like tactical things that we can do besides bringing our best self, because you and I understand what that means, but we also have a different definition of that. So what are some things that we can do tactically to bring joy, to bring happiness, to change the atmosphere around us? Yeah, that's a great question.

Speaker 2: 37:24

You know, I think we all have to be guarded a little bit better Again when we look at social media. Like. The majority of us interact with social media on a daily basis. You know, and even people who don't hit the like button on my, on my post, are still watching and reading, right? If you look at my social media feed, it's relatively positive. It's a lot of people pursuing and doing and sharing family things.

Speaker 2: 37:47

But I made that happen. If I see negativity from somebody repeatedly, I just hide them. I don't unfriend anybody because I still want to see my stuff, but I just hide them because I don't want to see it, because it's not serving me in the role that I want in this world. It's not adding any value to my life to listen to somebody else complain. If somebody is looking for a solution to a problem, that's a totally different thing. So that also applies to the real world. Who are you hanging out with? Who are your friends? You know you don't need to have like this enormous group of friends. Nobody's got time for that. You understand, when you get grown and you have kids, you don't have time for very many people outside of your own family. But the people that you do hang out with, make sure that it's fruitful and it's okay to cut people out.

Speaker 1: 38:36

We kind of have to be okay with that. Sometimes it doesn't mean anybody's a bad person.

Speaker 2: 38:41

But again, if you're not around people that are building other people up, that are supporting your endeavors, that are going, hey man, how are you? And not just like, oh, I'm fine, how are you, I'm fine.

Speaker 2: 38:51

No like look, how are you Like for real. How's life? You know, what can I do to help you If you're not around people like that, you need to be. We need community. We don't's a. It's such a missing piece in society right now because never have we all been so connected yet so alone, and it's really easy for people to just never leave their house for anything ever. Like you could just order all the things you ever need in life and be totally alone in your home and never have human interaction ever again, which is really sad, but it's true. Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 2: 39:24

So you know who are your friends, who are you hanging around with? What's your social media look like from a recreational standpoint, Like, what are you doing externally to help yourself? Are you working out? Are you getting vitamin D, getting some sunshine? You know, are you? Are you filling your mind with positivity, which means turn off the news?

Speaker 2: 39:45

Like I don't know many people who still watch the news, but apparently lots of people still watch the news. Like, turn that shit off. It does you no good. You only need to know enough to be dangerous. Right, Just have a general sense of what's happening in the world. But other than that, like you don't have any control over most of that, so don't spend your time and energy on it. Yeah, Read things like read. Read books like self-development books and autobiographies of famous people like great lessons to be learned there. But like, read something, fill your mind with with things that will help give you a skillset in life, Cause even if you just pick up one or two things that you're like, oh, I can implement that. Or again, just perspective of things yeah, Super, super helpful. You pray, meditate.

Speaker 1: 40:34

Those are all a great list there, and I couldn't help but think about, like the autobiographies and stuff like this and you mentioned that I was going to mention the different perspective like just getting a new perspective on things as well is so important. Like you said, changing your friend groups. You know you go into prayer just trying to and it's still you're controlling a lot of these things. But yeah, like you've kind of mentioned, it really comes down to us changing ourselves, being a certain person that we want to be and that will end up being. Basically that'll be mirrored out in your environment because the people around you will start being like that. And a good example I can think of is whenever I was really into fitness.

Speaker 1: 41:12

I remember I was in college and I had two roommates and we went over to a mutual friend's house and one roommate was there. My roommate went in first and my other roommate that was sitting there we had ice cream in each hand and it was like dude, it just got done working out ice cream in each hand. And then the one roommate walks in. He's like, oh, what's up, man? Like no big deal. And I walk in. He's like, oh, hey, hey, phil, like he was so nervous Because I was this fit guy. I was, this guy was like all in the fitness, fitness and he felt like I was going to be judging him and I was like, oh, what's up, man? And then it was like everything was cool again. But just because of who I was, he felt like he should be holding himself to this higher standard, which really it goes back to. Everything that you have talked about here is make yourself better, do the things that you want to be, and eventually that will be the environment that you're around at the end of the day.

Speaker 2: 42:08

So this is your life. You get to craft it however you want. I mean, that's the reality of it and, again, you don't have control over all that. But if you have clarity on who you are, what your role is in this world and the type of person that you want to show up, as you get to craft that. And it doesn't make it easy and it doesn't mean it's not paved with with roadblocks and speed bumps and all the metaphors, whatever, but you only get one shot at this thing.

Speaker 2: 42:38

so why waste your time doing anything but the things that you absolutely want to do and that you know allow you to add value to the world in the unique way that you can? Again, not easy, but it really is as simple as that man.

Speaker 1: 42:52

I love it. So, mark, if people want to follow you, follow the positivity that you have and everything, or maybe they're in the Frisco, Texas area and they want to get a lift in and get tortured by you, where's the best place for them to reach out to you? So Facebook.

Speaker 2: 43:09

I live on Facebook. You can find me on there, mark Zalmanoff, super easy to find. I have a group called the Joy Code. Would love for people to join the Joy Code group. I'm active in there every day, posting positivity and shenanigans and memes and all those things. As far as Frisco, texas, markzfitnesscom is the website for the gym. We do personal training, small group training, online training as well, for anybody anywhere, but I'm not hard to find.

Speaker 1: 43:37

And that's Mark with a C, not a K.

Speaker 2: 43:40

Just put my name in the Googles and I pop up everywhere Book podcast website all the things.

Speaker 1: 43:45

There we go. He's a super celeb here. We got on the show. But no, Mark man, appreciate you coming on, sharing this value and, of course, bringing us a little joy, and so I'm going to say it for you no-transcript.