TRANSFORM Relationships Through DIRECT COMMUNICATION

Unlock the power of clear communication in this episode, where we tackle the art of expressing needs without over-explaining. Learn how shifting from lengthy justifications to straightforward statements can transform both personal and professional interactions. With relatable examples, like the “family computer scenario,” we explore how to state your needs clearly, avoiding common pitfalls and promoting mutual understanding. Whether it’s negotiating at home or handling workplace dynamics, this episode equips you with practical tools to foster more effective and rewarding conversations. 
 
KEY HIGHLIGHTS  
[00:00] Why state what you want 
[01:03] Family computer scenario
 
NOTABLE QUOTES 
"What you need to start doing in your conversations is being very intentional about what it is that you need upfront, and then explain the background." – Philip 
"Make sure that you state exactly what you need upfront, and this will help you increase your communication skills." – Philip 
 
RESOURCES 
Philip 
Digital Course: https://www.speakingsessions.com/digital-course 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en 
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions 
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/ 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealphilipsessions

Chapters

• 0:00 Why state what you want
• 1:03 Family computer scenario

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

What's up, guys? I want to talk to you today very briefly, about one thing that I see too many people when it comes to speaking and communication, that they don't do. And what is that one thing? That one thing is actually them saying exactly what they want. Too often times, what we want to do in a conversation, or what tends to happen, is we, and I think it's because we feel that if we're super direct, it comes across as rude. So we really want to over explain everything going on in our minds in the background situation, rather than saying this is what I need and then allowing the person that you're speaking with to be able to ask questions to get more information if they need that. So this really happens a lot when there's two parties are both trying to do similar things. Maybe they're overlapping, maybe they are things that kind of have conflict with each other, because this person needs to do at the same time as this person, but they're working in the same area.

Speaker 1: 1:03

Think about being on a computer. I need to use the computer it's a family computer but then also my wife needs to use it. Well, we both can't use it. So what can we do to make sure that we both are able to end up using the computer, but we're not slowing the other one down. And you would think prioritization would be one of those things. But if you don't say what you're actually trying to do, it's hard to say what is the priority. But if I go and tell my wife, hey, I want to use the computer so I can surf social media, because for some reason I want to be on the computer instead of my phone, and she says, well, hey, I need to pay the bills. Well, not that the bills may be in an urgent state, but if you think about the hierarchy, of which one's more important, paying the bills is more important than using social media. But simply because of stating, hey, I want to do social media or hey, I need to pay the bills, we are now able to have a better conversation rather than just saying, hey, I want to use the computer.

Speaker 1: 2:06

Too often times we don't even say that we're just trying get on the computer and I need to be on the computer too. Why do you need to be on the computer? So what you need to start doing in your conversations is being very intentional about what it is that you need up front, and then explain the background, because I could just say, hey, you know, I haven't been able to get on Facebook today and I need to catch up on some messages. I've been seeing some stuff coming in, so I just want to be on the laptop to be able to do that. And I kind of went into all this detail about why I couldn't do that Like so busy at work, and this, that and the other, and the reasons why I needed it. But that stuff didn't even matter because I wanted to explain all these things before even figuring out what my wife needed.

Speaker 1: 2:48

And in most conversations that's what tends to happen. One person dominates that conversation, saying all the background story about why they need this and the reason behind it, what they're going to do da, da, da, da, da. And all that is irrelevant if you don't know what the other side needs. And you can avoid a lot of that conversation if you just say, hey, I want to get on the laptop to surf social media or to catch up on social media, and then your spouse would, going back to the same example, would say, hey, I need it on the computer to take care of the bills. Boom, right there.

Speaker 1: 3:25

You can figure out pretty quickly that one is more important than the other. But at least you know what each other need to do and you can come up with some kind of game plan from there rather than explaining all this detail. But too oftentimes, like I said, people want to go in and explain all this detail and sometimes I didn't say why they need. They give you this whole background story. That then is so confusing. You don't know what's going on, what the person needs. So make sure that you state exactly what you need upfront, and this will really help you increase your communication skills, because now you can actually get to the root of what you and the other party or parties need in that conversation.