Unfiltered Sessions
Unfiltered Sessions Podcast
Raw. Real. Unfiltered.
Building a business isn’t just about numbers and strategy—it’s about long hours, sacrifices, and the relentless pursuit of something bigger than yourself. Unfiltered Sessions is where we strip away the fluff and talk about what it really takes to scale a business, balance life, and delegate like a pro.
From personal updates on the journey of growing my own business to candid conversations with entrepreneurs and industry experts, this podcast is about the real stories behind success—the struggles, the wins, and the lessons learned along the way.
If you're a business owner trying to do it all, wondering how to scale without burning out, or just looking for honest conversations about life and entrepreneurship, you're in the right place.
No filters. No sugarcoating. Just the truth about business, life, and the power of delegation.
Unfiltered Sessions
ENHANCING Relationships Through CLARITY and COMMUNICATION with Donna Tashjian
Unlock the potential of your relationships with insights from Donna, an international spiritual intelligence coach. In this episode, Donna shares how aligning with your core values can enhance personal harmony and drive business success. Learn how crafting a personal blueprint and setting clear goals can help you balance the demands of work and life for meaningful, long-term growth.
We explore the power of open communication and perspective shifts to reduce conflicts and foster deeper connections. From candid anecdotes about marriage to leadership strategies like delegation and expectation-setting, Donna provides actionable advice for strengthening personal and professional relationships. Tune in for practical tools and inspiration to unlock new possibilities in life and business.
KEY HIGHLIGHTS
[00:00] Donna's background and personal info
[02:00] Building a blueprint for harmony
[11:02] Clarity in expressing desires
[21:11] Communicating expectations
[25:19] The importance of clear communication
[32:11] Shifting perspectives on unmet expectations
[40:39] Begin with the end in mind
[43:15] How to connect with Donna
NOTABLE QUOTES
"It makes things, especially life and business, a lot easier if you have them on board or at least an understanding of what you're trying to do with the business and everything." – Philip
"Harmony starts first with me being authentic and recognizing what lights me up and what causes me to be enthusiastic and passionate about my work." – Donna
"I think in general we have a fear of telling people really what we want for fear of rejection." – Donna
"Be bold enough to ask." – Donna
"If someone's not accomplishing the job, you have to go back to you and ask how you are communicating the expectations, procedures, how you want it done." – Donna
"As the leader you shouldn't have to know everything." – Philip
"You are a gift to the world, and the person who's going to be most surprised is you because we don't realize all that's capable in us." – Donna
"[Learn] to work with someone that's going to help you be the best you today and a better one tomorrow." – Donna
"Most people that are trying to learn from us need the basics." – Philip
"Having that self-awareness is an important thing, to be able to have that self-reflection and that perspective shift." – Philip
"Sometimes we need to be told what we already know, because... I used to [implemented it] and I quit." – Donna
RESOURCES
Donna
Website: https://www.ivibrantliving.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtashjian
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/donnatashjian
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drtashjian
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXMFNossw9VN2QwDtVitzKg
Philip
Digital Course: https://www.speakingsessions.com/digital-course
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamphilipsessions/?hl=en
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@philipsessions
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philip-sessions-b2986563/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealphilipsessions
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Speaking Sessions podcast. I have Donna here and she is an international spiritual intelligence method coach, helping people with a burning desire to achieve their dreams, yearning for more abundance while maintaining harmony in their lives, and seeking the path to prosperity without compromising their health and relationships. And she specializes in helping you unlock the secrets of spiritual intelligence, making it easier than ever to empower your dreams. And I really wanted her to come on to help us talk about relationships, especially as business owners. That's probably the thing that holds us back the most is the fact that we have issues in our own relationships. How can we have those conversations? How can we make sure those relationships stay strong so we can continue to grow our business and also find that balance or that harmony between relationships and everything? But before we get into that, donna, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you very much, Philip. It is a pleasure to be here today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, excited to have you. Like I mentioned, you're talking about relationships and everything. I think it's something that we really should talk about and I believe that communication is a huge aspect of that. And, like I said, having that supportive spouse, or really getting that spouse on board with the business, is something that's very important to really help the business move forward. Not that it can't if the spouse isn't on board or the communication isn't quite there, but it definitely makes things, especially life and business, a lot easier if you have them on board or at least an understanding of what you're trying to do with the business and everything. So, looking forward to diving into that, but tell us more about you. I know it's a broad, open statement, but tell us more about you. What got you into what you do and how exactly you help people?
Speaker 2:Sure, I have been coaching and mentoring predominantly women, but people for over 30 years, and in the beginning we didn't really call it coaching. That's been a new word that has really surfaced, probably in the last 15 years or so that it's gotten bigger. But learning in the beginning it was something that I just found myself doing. If I had a nickel for every time somebody said I've never told anybody this I'd be quite wealthy. And so it's learning to in the beginning.
Speaker 2:I think that we don't often recognize what our gifts are. We talk about you talked about harmony, but harmony starts first with me. Harmony starts first with me being authentic and recognizing what lights me up and what causes me to be enthusiastic and passionate about my work. That I'm doing A lot of times in. My husband worked for UPS for 30 years and I would not say that that got him excited every morning when he got up, and so how do you sometimes do that and still maintain the relationships is another question is how do you get up every day when you're not enthusiastic? Is another question is how do you get up every day when you're not enthusiastic? And so there's some of that, probably both in the audience, people doing things that they absolutely love, and then people doing things that perhaps you know is not your primary passion, that you live.
Speaker 2:So the first step is what's important to you and really doing a self inventory. I call this awareness. It's like where have I been? Where am I to want to go? What are my gifts? I call it creating your map.
Speaker 2:Creating a blueprint is another word that I use to describe.
Speaker 2:And first we need to start with awareness of what's important to me. So if you happen to be in a marriage relationship or some type of a relationship like that, where that is important to you, communicating that that's important, even if your boss tells you you have to work late or you have to come in early, or you have to miss a kid's soccer game, which happened to us, we have family plans, and he says, nope, we've had a when, when my husband was in security, we've had a theft at UPS, you've got to come and investigate it. I don't really care what you had planned, drop everything and you're coming into work, and that happened a lot, and so, but he but communicating with me what is true values were helped us to move through those periods of times. So first step is awareness of what you want, what are your values and what is important to you. Harmony is a much better word than balanced, even though I use that in my balanced blueprint academy. Um. Harmony is a better word because balance makes me think that you get.
Speaker 2:You get 50, 50 and you get 50 yeah or everybody gets 25, and it's really not like that. It's working from values and sometimes work calls you in. But that does not mean that I have less or I have a project or something. It does not mean that my husband is not important to me, it's this is taking time right now, and so that harmony is a much I love the word much better, even though we all say I want to have a balanced life, and so that's why I called it the balanced blueprint, because it does resonate.
Speaker 2:But if you want to arrive in Chicago, you need to know where you're starting from and thinking about where am I? And really being honest with yourself, how are you doing in your marriage? How are you doing in your health, your personal health? How are you doing in other outside relationships? How are you doing in your spiritual life? What is important to you? All of those pieces and parts of you, how are they going? Rate them periodically, and then you make adjustments. I'm really into quarterly goals, not annual goals, even though we all need the annual goals, because I can adjust I'm moving a ship, if you will, and it's degrees, and it makes we often underestimate what those little small decisions. They actually create miracles. One decision after another, decision after another decision can create miraculous results, but we don't often think so, because it doesn't feel big in that.
Speaker 2:So what's your thoughts about that?
Speaker 1:No, I completely agree with you, and there's so many things. I think about one with like the one degree, and I don't know the whole analogy, but it's like if you're going from LA to New York and you go off by like one degree, you end up somewhere else and it's like way different.
Speaker 2:Like China or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe not that far, but yeah, you end up way far off from going to New York and everything, so that one degree is so important. But I couldn't help but think about and I've shared this before. It's been a while since I shared it, but whenever my wife and I were dating at the time and I had this problem with relationships where I would kind of bring up how religion was important and stuff to me, but I would never say like you know, I would never be like super forthcoming about or very direct about it. It was like, oh, you know, it's important for me, I kind of do it, but then I just wouldn't really bring it up too much in the relationship because I didn't want to make it be like a pain point or anything like that or make it uncomfortable. But then basically every relationship would just end, and typically sometimes it would be before religious stuff would come up. But a lot of times it'd be because of a misalignment that was there that I definitely knew from the start, but they didn't necessarily know and so it seemed like this whole thing that and I don't know their perspective because we just broke up and moved on, we didn't talk to each other. But I'm sure they probably felt like, well, I'm not meeting, it's an unmet expectation that I'm not meeting for Phillip, and that was similar with my wife.
Speaker 1:But we had talked about it and I was direct about it, and then she started not really going to church with me and so at first I'm like, well, this isn't working out. But then I'm like, well, let me have that conversation with her, let me let her know again, here's where I'm at, here's what I need and what I expect. And she did want that. She just didn't realize what I meant by that Cause I, because I had said something about like I want some, you know, I want to raise a family that goes to church, and stuff like that, which, when I say just goes to church, does that mean once a month, once a year? I'm like, what does that mean? So I had to be more specific, like you know, going very, you know every week, and stuff like that. And so when I had that conversation, it was that and actually expressed that expectation. The relationship got better there and of course now we're married and everything.
Speaker 1:But it was almost to the point where I was like I think this isn't going to work out, but prior to her. It was this kind of unmet expectation, it was this idea that, yeah, I want somebody that goes to church, that does the things, whatever else was in there. But I never fully expressed those things, and part of it I just didn't know exactly. For me either, a lot of it was I was more focused on the physical appearance, because I was really into fitness and everything as well, and I was like, oh, you know, church is a thing, but you know, the physical appearance was a higher priority on my list until I finally had that self-reflection and I think it's important that you mentioned that, that self-reflection, that you need to do that and figure out yourself first and going to like again with the annual goals you talked about too, knowing where you're trying to go.
Speaker 1:Now you can create those quarterly goals or even at a minimum, have those quarterly goals, and you can make those adjustments because you know going back to the flight analogy, if I'm now veering towards China instead of New York, well, I probably need to adjust to make sure I'm going towards New York. You know where you're going. But that all starts with you knowing you, knowing what you want, getting your own internal house in order, and then you can start to have the conversations with a spouse or business partner or whatever it is. But you have to know what you want first and to be able to fight and have a conversation at a minimum. Maybe not fight fight might not be a good word but to be able to have a conversation and discuss about why you expect this thing or why you want this thing and everything and having those important things and stuff like that, and just to be able to start that conversation. But you have to know you first. So I agree with you.
Speaker 2:I think the biggest thing of what I heard you say is you told her why.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You didn't just tell her you need to go to church every week with me, because that's not the way you said it. But you could have that conversation with people.
Speaker 2:I think we in general we have a fear of telling people really what we want for the fear of rejection or breaking you know something not going well. And it's the same thing even with serving people. I really don't call it sales, but serving people is the same thing as I should give myself permission to say no, this isn't the right person for me to work with, or yes, it is, and really saying who I am and who I serve and what I'm wanting to myself first of all, like you're saying, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that we can have that authentic and as you go on in your marriage. How long have you been married? Five, years. Congratulations. Yeah really long time. Next week I am celebrating 40.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's a very long time. You don't hear a lot of that anymore.
Speaker 2:So in that period of time, what's important to me shifts and having those continual conversations of saying what I wanted. One of my husband and I we've got lots of marriage stories. We've had a business. I've had a business since I was 19. So I've always been doing something and so we've had a lot of experiences together and now a laughing experience. Not all of them were at the time, but we were coming home from church and he says do you want to go out to eat? And I knew money was just a little bit tight, you know. So I'm like I'll just have a salad, I'll just go home and have a salad. I didn't want a salad, I wanted Mexican. But I didn't tell him what I wanted and it ended up being a whole afternoon grumpy thing because he didn't take me for Mexican when I didn't ask for Mexican.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, didn't say it at all. You said it in your head, though. He should have read your mind.
Speaker 2:He should have known how dare he he should have known when I said I just will have a salad, that I didn't really want a salad, but I didn't tell him like that. He heard I'll have a salad, and so you know, it's just. All of this goes on and it happens in every relationship where we we assume people understand, or we assume people know, or this is another one we have some kind of expectation about how they're supposed to behave, but we've never told them what we're expecting.
Speaker 1:Yes, I found unmet expectations, or known expectations, rather, that are unmet. Because of that, yes, are typically. That's usually what I get in trouble with, whether it's my wife having the. It's unknown for me what her expectation is, or vice versa. That tends to be more of our arguments than the fact that we know the expectation of the other.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. Be bold enough to ask is my advice? Be bold enough to say, not in a grumpy way and not a slamming doors, cupboard way even though I've done that but saying I want Mexican today, Do you think we can have it in our budget to do that? And just saying, and if we both decide no, we better go home and make lunch. And we do that, but it's like learning to be able to say what we want. This is. This is not necessarily business related, but can I tell you one other story?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right. So my husband and I have had this conversation. We've been married a while. We were together before marriage, so we've been together a good you know, most of our adult life. And he still has trouble getting his socks all the way into his laundry. You know the hamper for it to be washed.
Speaker 1:That hamper. It's a tricky thing. I tell you it's a trick.
Speaker 2:And so for you, for anybody who wants to check me out, I had a traumatic childhood and and and everything, and that creates a lot of low self-esteem. We'll just summarize in saying that, um and so I remember early on in our marriage and I'm like I see the socks. He's gone to work. I see the socks. I'm home with three children. You know all the things, all the things are going on. You know fighting and toys and dirty diapers and all the things. And I see these socks and I'm like he can't even get the socks into the hamper.
Speaker 2:If he really loved me now listen to this statement If he really loved me, he'd put those socks in the hamper. But he must think I'm his maid. He doesn't really care and I stew on on this all day long. Now can you imagine what it's like when he comes in the door? He didn't know what he's done. We do not have a good evening.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's one scenario, and that happened. Another scenario is I began to well. God talked to me and taught me a lot, and I began to well. God talked to me and taught me a lot, and I began to learn and I said I, I'm like he didn't put the socks in the hamper. How many ways does he show me he loves me? Every day, and I begin to list them. He does this, he does this, he does this. He's working hard. He does all of these other things to show me he loves me. Wow, I'm really a blessed woman. And I pick up the socks and put them in the hamper and I go on about my day. Now do you think we have a better evening?
Speaker 1:I would say so.
Speaker 2:And all that changed was my perspective. I'm the one who changed. He still has trouble getting them in the hamper, but I didn't create the meaning that that meant X, y, z. I began to create the meaning that of all of the other things that he did to show me he loves me. And learning to do that in our expectations in business, in life, you can look at it in all kinds of ways is what our expectations are. We're the ones who make the biggest shift. Which is at the core of spiritual intelligence is you are the creator of your world. You are the creator of your world. You are the creator of your experience. What do you want to create today? As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So my first story, I was an unloved wife, and my second story, in the other story, I was absolutely cherished and adored, and the only person who changed was my perspective on what I chose to believe, think and meditate on, and it created a whole new world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like you said, that experience at dinner that night when he got home was better for him. I'm sure he loved that side of you way more and then for you as well, like you felt so much better because, rather than being so mad all day long in this negative mindset and then come home and now you, I'm sure as you, were negative and kind of hateful towards him or regretting him and not feeling loved by him, that was being shown and so then therefore he's like, he's like I don't really want to show her love because she's not showing me love and we kind of get childish with it. But that's just natural as humans that we do that and I can't help. I've got a sock story too. My wife. She does the laundry, so it's not like it kills me every once while I try and help her out with that and stuff and and I'll give her a hard time because you know mainly she does the laundry. But she's told me she's like, oh my gosh, I love you so much Because when I take my socks off, I take them off and the outside is still on the outside and for some reason she just decides to grab them from the top and pull it through and so the inside is out, and then she's got to go and put them all back in. She does the same thing with her shirts and everything. She's like I'm just so thankful that you don't do that. I'm like, yeah, I want to be like. Yeah, because I'm not a freak. I'm like, yeah, you're welcome, I love you too, like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't know why that that unmet expectation in in the workforce as well, where that that comes up. Or you know, you expect somebody to do something a certain way or get something done by a certain time and you just say, hey, I need you to get this done. Ok, well, you didn't set it. You didn't set a deadline, you didn't tell me how important it was. I had other things going on. So I decided either okay, I'll get to it when I get to it, which means it's probably at the bottom of my list now I don't know the importance behind it, I don't know when you need it, so I'm going to get it done. But now you're mad because I didn't get it done in time, which really I could say that with the trash. I'm sure there's other men listening to this right now, if my wife wants me to get the trash out now. But I'll just say, hey, can you take the trash out? Okay, yeah, I'll get to it, let me. And I'm like, yeah, I'll get to it, let me finish this thing up. And of course I could have been better saying, yeah, let me finish this up real quick. Or hey, do you need me to get it out of the way? First I my hand and say, you know, I'm at fault too. But then she will get mad sometimes because I didn't do it right. Then I didn't drop everything and do it in the moment because she didn't explain her expectation of it and of course, again, I didn't explain what I was doing, that I couldn't. I mean, I guess I could, but I didn't ask that question either, which is what you talk about as well.
Speaker 1:Start to ask the questions, change that perspective, and I like that you talked about changing that perspective, and so I really want to dive down these two things. I think both of them are equally important. Maybe let's start with the question like how can we help ourselves? Remember to ask questions like that, because I found that for me with getting better at communication, when somebody asks for something, that I'll ask those questions. Hey, you know, is this important to you? Or when's the deadline on this? I might ask for some clarifying questions to get a better feel of the importance or when this thing is due. But I've trained myself and I'm not a hundred percent on this, but I've trained myself to think about that. But then the other aspect of the perspective shift. So I'd love to hear, like, how you go about that, and I'm sure you're helping other people with that. But how do you, how do you start to ask those questions and get the clarity and understand the expectation instead of just assuming what that expectation is?
Speaker 2:Well, just a blanket statement, pretty much for all the wives out there. We ask you to do what it means now.
Speaker 2:Just you know, just say it love a good stereotype uh, if there's any woman out there that disagrees with me, let me know. But I kind of think that it, and it probably is very similar for a man, if he asks for a specific thing, we there is this thing that I want, I want a cup of coffee now, or whatever it is. Um, you know those kinds of things. So that's kind of understood, that that it maybe shouldn't be so, but it is. So it becomes on our part to say is it all right if I finish doing X, y, z and then do it and that kind of is beginning to communicate? So that's in the home life, is is just understanding and and asking those kinds of questions as we go along.
Speaker 2:I had that happen today. I asked my husband at breakfast to do something and he went and did something else. So I did it and he called me later. He goes, I forgot to do that and I'm like, don't worry, it's done. But thank you for calling and remembering. And so it happened this morning, you know, and I'm like you know it means now, yeah, but it's 40 years of marriage.
Speaker 1:So you just, you just laugh about it and you don't make mountains out of little things, you just laugh about it and you don't make mountains out of little things.
Speaker 2:You just laugh about it and move on. It's no big deal, that kind of thing In work. It's really important to communicate when your deadlines are, what your expectations are, especially if you're in leadership. If someone's not accomplishing the job, you have to go back to you and ask how you are communicating the expectations, procedures, how you want it done. All of that there are so many ways. You know, in the old days we had written policies and procedures and jobs descriptions and all that kind of stuff and now you can do videos to describe everything you want and communicate it ways. So just always communication and if you're an employee or someone answering to someone is always ask, ask, questions. There are no stupid questions. Always ask and hopefully that's acceptable in that environment.
Speaker 2:But I'm not sure about this part. When did you want this done? And just beginning to ask those kinds of questions to be able to communicate everybody's expectations and if something's not going well, is revisiting it and again allowing that communication to occur to? Oh, you told me that this had to be done my next Tuesday, but I run into this and this with these suppliers and I can't find the answers, to be able to have it done and communicate that? Yeah, so that if I'm answering to you, you know I've not neglected it, that there has been some hiccups and that's come along and it may take just a little bit longer. I wanted to communicate that with you, or do you want me to eliminate that and just move on? Do you see? It's like I'm asking those kinds of questions, um, to be able to work through things and just keep talking and really saying what's going on is is good, no matter where you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, such an important thing. I know kind of a funny story, I guess somewhat good, somewhat bad communication. But I know in a previous role that I had, I was working on all these approvals for some equipment we had and there was different certifications, and so you're going through these government entities and stuff. So of course, government they're fast as can be and everything just happens very quickly. It would take forever, but I mean it was like 10 or 15 different approvals and so I just had a list, like okay, we need to get these. So I just started, I just made a list and start at the top. I didn't have any order. And then I had asked for like hey, what's the order on this? Is there any importance?
Speaker 1:To my manager and he kind of pushed back and he's like, well, they just need to get done. I'm like, yeah, but with talking to these government agencies, they need information. I can get that, but then I'm waiting. So which ones are more important? So I can make sure I'm really prioritizing those?
Speaker 1:And then I guess he had some bad experience with the previous one.
Speaker 1:He finally brought that up in the conversation but it was like, well, you know, you just got to get.
Speaker 1:You know you need to work on all of them.
Speaker 1:But I'm like, yeah, but I need to order a priority, so from management saying what's the most important, because otherwise I'm going based on I created a list and I'm just going top to bottom and when I can't work on one I'll go to the next one, but I might put the top priority at the very bottom and so you're expecting to be done first.
Speaker 1:So I had to like really draw that out of him for him to understand that Uh, that was some of those things like a situation I had to go through to really get the clarity and the expectation you know, and really the priority of the list and everything. But it was really interesting to to hear him kind of he expected me just to work on everything and then, if I didn't, or if he gave me a priority, that I would only focus on that one thing. But I guess overall the conversation was good, even though there was a lot of assumptions on his side. At least when I started asking questions he was at least forthcoming with some of those assumptions and everything and that I could go and ask more questions or give more information on that.
Speaker 2:That's a great example. Sometimes we ask those kind of questions and they don't know the answers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, they haven't really thought through, they just gave you this whole project without actually thinking it through, about what's most important.
Speaker 2:And so then when you ask, if I say, well, I don't really know, I look stupid important.
Speaker 1:And so then, when you ask if I say well, I don't really know I look stupid, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So sometimes it's like, uh, my favorite thing is cause I get. I get teammates that ask my team members who asked me questions I haven't thought of, and I'm like that's a great question. Can you give me a minute to think about what the priority is and I'll get back to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, and just owning it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I hadn't thought of that question. You asked that's a great question and then coming back with it, so doing that as a leader. It's like we think we have to know everything and the reason I have a team is I don't want to know everything.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I was just about to say that as the leader you shouldn't have to know everything, and so you're not in the weeds, so to speak. So sometimes, like you know, if you've done the role, like you'll probably know a lot of those things, but even then, like you're not in it on the day to day anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah you maybe did it in a previous role and obviously it's your company, so you may have done it when the company was smaller, but now you're not doing it, or a process changed, so you don't know what things. Here's all your information. And even then, we're humans, we don't give every single thing every single time. Actually, I was just talking to a friend about creating a standard operating procedure, an SOP, and I had one of my virtual assistants. I was switching from one virtual assistant to another and everything and I had her write an SOP based on the roles that she or functions that she was doing. And I looked it over. I'm like, yeah, this looks pretty good. I think we covered everything.
Speaker 1:And then the new VA came in and she's like, hey, well, what about this? And I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot about that step because it was it was assumed knowledge. It's knowledge that I had, that the other VA also had. And so it's really hard to write an SOP out from a perspective of somebody that knows nothing.
Speaker 1:And so same thing with that leader trying to give you or delegate a task to you. It's hard because they don't know what all you do need to know. So it's a responsibility of that person underneath them and the ranks to say, hey, I need this, this and this so I can get my job done and, if need be, give an explanation on that as well. But leadership also needs to be willing to oh sorry, I missed that, let me get back to you on that or rather than just oh well, here's an answer and then come back later. Why'd you do that? And that's unfortunately where the politics and bureaucracy within big corporations come in, because then you got to make sure it's documented on email this, that and the other. Lots of fun stuff yeah, it, it's very.
Speaker 2:When you're creating the sops and and things like that is creating it as if someone's never done this job before yeah to get too basic you know it's like click this on the computer, you know it's like yeah really basic on things, because we we do assume that people know things that they don't know, or they don't know how we want it done, even if they do know that. So it is um really important to do all of that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and I've had to write a procedure for some technical stuff using a Linux operating system and when you're in the terminal on Windows you just do like control C and you can copy something and, of course, control V to paste it. Well, in Linux when you're in the terminal if you hit control C you close the terminal. So you have to hit control shift C. So I was having to write those steps on the procedure and then I put control V and I put an explanation of why control shift C and stuff like that. But it was funny like I had to go down to that basic for the people I was writing this for and it was. I mean, it's painstaking to get to some of those details sometimes and I really think that, going back to these expectations, sometimes it feels like it's painstaking Again, with my wife telling me to take out the trash. It feels painstaking to say I need you to take out the trash right now or I want you to take out the trash right now. Can you please stop and just do this? It's just easier to say take the trash out and then get mad because the expectation wasn't met. But then the other side, it's also harder for the other person to say, hey, do you mean right now, or can I do that when I finish here? Or hey, let me finish this up and I'll get to that right after that It'll be five minutes. It's harder to say that instead of okay, I'll do it. It's just easier to say these things without clearly communicating the expectations yeah, so, let me, let's, let's shift. So I know we kind of talk about how to ask questions, but the, but the, the perspective shift.
Speaker 1:Going back to your sock example, how do you help people, or what would you suggest to people for them to really start working on changing their perspective when they see something or when something happens to them and expectation isn't met to change their perspective? To me it sounded like. It sounded a lot like let me look at like from their point of view. And like you said with your husband, you know he loves you. He does this, this, this, this and this for you, even if he might not do the socks, which I mean he wasn't. He wasn't trying to sabotage your day by any means. It wasn't malicious. Of course you put that in your mind, that he must hate you.
Speaker 2:So how can we, how can we start to change this perspective on unmet expectations? It it had to do with my self-esteem and so in my identity, my the way that I saw myself.
Speaker 2:One of the things that I love to do at vibrant living is stop identity theft, and of course, I'm not talking about finances I'm talking about all those things that happen to us failed relationships, failed businesses, disappointments, perhaps a difficult childhood trauma all kinds of things create an identity. Whether you mean to or not, your brain will do it, it just does. And so beginning to look at yourself and the way that you're viewing yourself and you talked about you help people public speaking. Well, the same thing is applying is looking at myself and figuring out what I'm believing about me. Figuring out what I'm believing about me because then I can be a better wife, a better business owner, a better person in the world. And making a difference is when I can learn who I truly am, who God created me to be.
Speaker 2:What are the gifts that he put in me? What's the purpose for me? Because it's good. His purposes are good, and so discovering that and stepping into that fully and discovering it. One of my mentors said Donna, you are a gift to the world, and the person who's going to be most surprised is you, because we don't realize all that's capable in us. We all do minimizing, safe keeping, mental activities, and so we don't realize what is possible. And the biggest change is when I got mentors and coaches. Because we can't see our own blind spots, because every idea we have is fabulous, right, of course, of course, and we're always right, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:And so all of that, we don't see those things that are hindering us from being our best to vibrant living, as I call it, and learning to be able to take time. I took my first step was self-awareness, but it is also helping having someone help you see yourself and help you to put on new glasses that have a new perspective and really changing from the inside out on what you're believing about you, um, and how that can change. Every can change. When I very first started speaking, I was in my 20s. I'd get sick kind of thing every time before I would go on stage and learning. Now I remember it's been quite a few years back, but before COVID, so at least five and six years.
Speaker 2:I remember standing on a stage and going you are having a ball. When did this happen? When did this happen that you were having fun doing what you used to throw up trying to do? And it all changed with the way I looked at myself. What being visible meant to me, which is a whole lot of public speaking. It's one of the reasons why it's. One of the things people fear the most is what does being seen mean? And if it means I'm most likely going to be rejected which is one of our biggest fears is not belonging, then I'd rather die than do that. So, really learning to work, and to work with someone that's going to help you be the best you today and a better one tomorrow, so that you can walk with joy and expectation of good in things and love being the center of it all that you are loved.
Speaker 2:And when we can really comprehend which I don't know that we ever will how much God loves us. It can change everything in all of the perspectives, because I can give my husband permission to have a bad day, I'm still God's beloved and understanding all of that. It changes the way you operate, in every area of your life.
Speaker 1:So, so good there, and it really goes back in a full circle where we start talking about at the beginning, about knowing ourselves. And one thing I think about with that too, especially when the speaking realm a lot of times I find that we feel that we can't speak on a subject, even if we know it a lot, because the more we know about this subject, the more we realize how much we truly don't know subject, the more we realize how much we truly don't know, and so we feel like we're not an expert anymore, when we actually are an expert. And most people that are trying to learn from us need the basics. They need the milk, so to speak. They don't need the meat yet. They need the basic things and that's what we can teach them.
Speaker 1:And a lot of times I like to think, especially from a speaking perspective, to speak on what you need. If you knew this two or three years earlier, that's the thing that you can speak on, like what you started doing two or three years ago. Your perspective, what you learn, what you know now that two or three years younger self could have really benefited from, that's the stuff that you can talk about. But the basics in your expertise is what, for most people, is almost going to be on on the cusp of being too much for them, like it's a little bit too high level even for them and everything. But but really, at the end of the day, just really knowing yourself, you know, self-knowledge, self-understanding, uh, is what I'm getting from, what, what you're saying here and everything. So they are really having that perspective and, of course, if we can have that outside person helping us, that helps out a ton. But I think even then, just trying to have that 30,000 foot view, think about what's this other person thinking about me as well. How would they react in this situation? I know for me to become more of a happy, more positive person instead of a negative.
Speaker 1:Nancy, that's a lot of what I started thinking about, like, ok, do people really like me when I'm negative, like this, are these those things? And it takes a lot of skill to have that self-awareness and everything. But when I started thinking more about OK, what do I need to do to be the person that people like, that people want to be around and stuff, and what are the things that I'm doing right now that people don't like? And same thing when I got in and started to try and find my wife officially was. One of the things was a religious thing.
Speaker 1:But what are these other things that a woman would want to marry me for? What qualities do I need to have to be worth marrying? And I started to work on those and building myself up and everything. Of course it was things that I wanted as well. It wasn't necessarily about what a woman would want per se, because I also need to be happy with myself and what I have and what I'm doing and all that stuff too, but I still thought about that end goal and everything. So really having that self-awareness is an important thing, to be able to have that self-reflection and that perspective shift.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite chapters in a book and it's Stephen Covey's book how to Win Friends and Influence People.
Speaker 2:It was chapter two.
Speaker 2:It has affected my whole entire life and it is called Begin with the End in Mind, and it's kind of creepy, if you will, because at the beginning he has you attend your own funeral in the book and it's like so what are so many people going to say about you? Who's going to be around? Who's going to be surrounding you? And what are they going to say when you've passed, and so, and then begin to live when you've passed, and then begin to live so that people say what you want today and to be who you are, who you really are, and to upgrade that.
Speaker 2:And so that's what you were doing when you were talking about I want to have a great relationship with a woman, I want to be married, I want to be a good man, I want to be a good husband, perhaps a good father, and all of those things and what that looks like when you were talking about speaking. We often minimize the amount of information we actually know and you know well, everybody else knows more that kind of stuff and we minimize what we, what we know, but it is one of the things I have discovered over the decades now is that sometimes we need to be told what we already do know, because I'm not implementing it or I forgot to, I used to and I quit.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's like let's take devotional time or let's take declarations, or let's take taking care of my body I used to exercise, I quit or whatever, and so all of these things that we can forget, that's important to us. And so always just come and share, whenever you're speaking, share what you know from your heart and pray that it blesses someone. You're not responsible for the hearers and pray that it blesses someone. You're not responsible for the hearers. You're only responsible for the delivery and for giving what you know and allowing it to bless people, whoever it may, because how it hits them or how they receive it is a better word is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to share what you know with love and help as many people as you can from that place. And when we go into well, they didn't sign up for my book, or they didn't sign up my or whatever, whatever it is that you were speaking for is they didn't. The expectation didn't happen. Then we go back and say something's wrong with me, and that's not necessarily the case.
Speaker 1:This has been great, donna. I appreciate so much of this conversation. This has been a lot of fun. I think my favorite one was the fact that we talked about the hamper that was not able to be filled with socks and everything. I think a story so true to so many households for sure, but I appreciate the time and all of all the value that you brought here. If people want to reach out and follow you, where's the best place for them to do that?
Speaker 2:I am on social media, of course, and my name is unusual, so it's easy to find, and my website is the letter I, vibrant livingcom, and on my homepage I have a free guide called renew, thrive and recharge in its secrets to vibrant living, and so that is available. It's a downloadable PDF that I'm giving away, so if that can bless anybody, take advantage of it. It's on my homepage.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, Donna, once again, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. We truly appreciate it.
Speaker 2:My pleasure.
