How Thoughtful Parenting Plans Reduce Conflict And Protect Kids

The hardest part of co-parenting isn’t agreeing when things are calm—it’s knowing exactly what to do when life changes. We unpack how to design a parenting plan that functions like a family operating system: practical, plain-language, and built to reduce conflict before it starts. With DCA ADR Certified Divorce Coach Dori Braddell joining Tracy, we dig into the decisions that matter most—daily schedules, holidays, make-up time, communication, medical and education choices—and show how to write terms that hold up under stress.

We talk strategy first. Rather than rely on boilerplate, we coach clients to identify intentions, predict “sticky bits,” and reality test assumptions about the other parent. You’ll hear how to draft three-tier proposals that show flexibility without giving away your core interests, how to keep Amy the amygdala buckled in during tough talks, and how to pick the right process for your situation: kitchen table conversation, mediation, collaborative practice, or a structured four-way. We share simple scripts and boundary tools that make saying no, countering, and pausing the conversation feel safe and effective.

Then we get practical. Dori’s parenting plan builder gives clients sample clauses they can mark up and tailor. Visual schedule tools like Custody X Change help families compare 2-2-3, 2-2-5-5, and week-on/week-off rotations at a glance. We outline expense categories beyond basic child support—drivers ed, braces, mental health, extracurriculars, graduations, even grooming—plus thresholds for joint approval to prevent petty fights. Finally, we emphasize review paths and built-in dispute resolution ladders so parents can adapt as kids grow without running to court.

If you’re a divorce coach, mediator, or parent navigating separation, this deep dive will help you create a plan that is clear, fair, and truly usable. Subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review telling us the one clause you wish every parenting plan included.

To contact Dori, visit her personal practice website at https://www.thedivorcementor.ca/about-me  or reach her at her DCA email at dca.ca@divorceocahesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_03 0:39

Hi everyone, and welcome back to Divorce Coaches Academy podcast, where we explore the transformational power of dispute resolution focused divorce coaching and the impact it has on helping clients move. Two of my favorite words from conflict to clarity. I am your host, Tracy, and today I am once again joined by someone very special, my colleague, collaborator, and friend, Dory Brattle. Dory, hi. Hi, Tracy. Glad to be back always. Yeah. Thank you. So for those that do not remember or new to our podcast, Dory is an ADR divorce coach based out of Canada and DCA's very own director of education and development for Canada's divorce coach certification training program. And we are so lucky and happy to have you. Dory brings a wealth of experience working with clients as they navigate parenting plan decisions and negotiations. She is known for her calm, structured approach that helps clients make informed, confident, and intentional decisions one step at a time. So, Dory, I am so glad for you to be joining us today as we talk all things parenting plans.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Absolutely, Tracy. One of my favorite topics, it's one of the favorite, my favorite session hours is to work on a parenting plan. We know it provides the biggest ripple for our clients because it's about their kids. And it's an impact that goes long after the divorce is over.

Why Parenting Plans Matter

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Yeah. Right. And and decades. Yes, yes. And and it is so true, right? We talk about areas of stress and overwhelm for clients as they're navigating divorce and those with minor children. And and I'm not going to say uh children outside of minority is still not a concern. But when it comes to how are we going to do this, what are we going to do? How is this all going to work? What has to be included? What doesn't need to be included? There's so much information and uncertainty and fear and what how one even starts with a parenting plan. So I am just absolutely thrilled for us to be able to be talking about this today. So so let's let's start from the very, the very start. When we talk about how you approach this work with your clients, what does it look like when you're helping them think through a parenting plan?

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Yeah, Tracy, I generally start with, you know, a doryism and I guide them to understanding what the parenting plan's all about. And it makes me think of when we were pregnant and when you were imagining how you were going to do all those things when you had that little bundle home. All the major decisions that you read about and what to expect when you're expecting. I'm old enough to have read it as an alcohol.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

I actually read it. Yeah. Before we think it's a movie down.

unknown 3:52

Right.

Building A Detailed Plan

SPEAKER_00 3:53

And, you know, you make those tortured decisions about am I going to be a co-sleeper or not? And what's the feeding schedule? And how are we going to do this thing? And we're right back there at the time of divorce when we're thinking about a parenting plan. And it's, you know, what to expect when you're co-parenting. It's about rewriting your entire operating system, making all of those major decisions about how are we going to do this for our kids. So I start with explaining sort of what the intention and purpose is. I talk about the impact of a comprehensive, long, much greater than boilerplate that a lawyer may give you type of parenting plan and what the impact will be on them now and in the years to come with their kids. And then I have a tool, right? We know that every divorce coach does their practice a little bit differently. And I'd love to know what you do, Tracy. But what I do is I send them a 15-page font size 10 word document that I call a parenting plan builder. And it has detailed written clauses for all of the things that they may want in their parenting plan and options for each. So they can see what it looks like. What is this thing, this magical uh mythical document called a parenting plan? I encourage them to print it off, to sit down with their colored pencils, their highlighter, their red pen, and circle the clauses that resonate with them. Identify and highlight which areas they really feel lost about, and maybe they have to pick from the bobo the best of bad options, or come up with something unique and custom for their family. And then we have a session about it. Throw it up on a shared screen, go through 15 to 20 pages of detail. I will spend the necessary time. You know, write a first refusal is often a hot button. Makeup time is a hot button. Gosh, what are we doing in Christmas 2029? How do we decide about spring break? Things that are really important to them. We'll take the time and we'll talk about all the variety of scenarios and options and really help that client figure out what they feel is best for them and for their children.

unknown 6:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

And spend the time.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

I I think from that first step, right, of having somebody who is trained and experienced and can help the client really define their intention for that parenting plan. Right. Why is a parenting plan necessary? And and there's a lot of schools of thoughts, right? You just kind of talked a little bit about this in regards to some of our lovely attorneys out there. We don't give legal advice, yet they're often advice in in custody agreements and parenting plans, whatever it is being called, wherever you are, is often very sort of these broad, sweeping, general concepts where we often, as dispute resolution specialists, want to talk about detail, right? The devil's in the detail. Because the goal for us is a parenting plan, a well thought out, a well-intended, purposeful parenting plan that gets negotiated and discussed, is a mechanism for minimizing future conflict.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Absolutely. It's about predicting some of the sticky bits down the road, ensuring you have a path forward for if that happens, that can reduce fear. Yes. The what if right? Yeah. We doomsday think those parenting plans, right? I mean, tell me, what are you worried about? What's waking you up in the middle of the night? What what stresses you out about co-parenting in five years, 10 years? Yeah. What are the big scary things? And how does this parenting plan inform what your options might be should that occur?

SPEAKER_01 7:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

And and we can really take that anxiety level down when a client sees a parenting plan and sees how it's a tool for their future.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

Yes, and and very future focused, right? It's non the the past is informing, but this is how do we want this to look, right? And I actually think it's really quite an exciting opportunity, if you will, because unfortunately, I believe that most people who are married or or together and uh decide to have children really don't even have these conversations as they set forth of becoming new parents. So this may be for the first time in the the extension of this, these parties relationship that they're actually talking about how are we going to do this? What is important? What is the underlying interest and needs? And obviously, we hope as dispute resolution specialists in divorce is it's focused on the best interest of the children. But for to us to focus on the best interest of the children, we also have to understand what both of our roles are in that process as we now transition our relationship from that of being stakeholders in each other's lives to stakeholders in our children's lives and how we're going to show that experience.

Predicting Problems To Lower Conflict

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Yes. And and speaking of stakeholders, you know, the a big one is often that legal authority to make major decisions for the children, right? And we know if you're going to have joint decision making, as we call it in Canada, or joint legal custody or whatever your state language is, that they are going to get into situations where they are 50-50 shareholders and there's no swing vote. Yeah, no swing boat. Right? What are we what are we worried about? Why do you want to have all the final say? Talk to me about what you're concerned about. Where are you going to get tripped up if you don't have that? How might you work through it if you end up with joint authority over a school choice, over a choice about whether or not the child gets the HPV vaccine, whether the child attends a public or private school, whether they get braces or not, whether they can have mental health support. Right? What are their specific worries? And can we dispel some of that by explaining the process to them?

SPEAKER_03 9:59

Absolutely. And I think what you're kind of speaking to is also that conditionality, right? Meaning these parenting plans, although we we like to talk about mechanisms for reviewing them on a more frequent basis. But if if you as a couple are getting divorced and your children are five years old, eight years old, this parenting plan, in theory, it is the legal guidance agreement that is going to extend until your child's age of majority, whatever that is defined by your country, state, locale, whatever it is. So this document, this agreement is something that's going to extend for for quite a bit of time. I I was actually mediating, uh okay, so working uh in divorce coaching, but this is a perfect example of why divorce coaches are so essential to parenting plan, because I'm now in the role as a neutral facilitator to the process. And the couple was really lovely. They were really, really working really hard and trying to overcome some of those challenges. And when I started talking to them about their thoughts on a holiday schedule, they said, Oh, we are going to work together. We don't want to define this. We're gonna, we're gonna share holidays together. We're we're both gonna be there for opening Christmas presents, we're both gonna be there for Thanksgiving, we're both gonna be there for for birthdays. And I said, I I love that. I applaud that. I think it's fabulous to be able for you both to be there for your children and focus on the best interest of your family. And said, would it be okay if I offered a potential scenario and what that might look like and how you might be able to handle it? And they were like, Oh, okay, yeah, sure. So I'm like, okay, so what if, right, you guys are right now on the same page and you're doing this and you're all going to share. What happens if at some point one of you have a significant other or or somebody else that you're introducing into this process? So, so now it may be, you know, not just the the three of you, you two and your child in Christmas PJs, it's you know, you two, a significant other and your child in in PJs. And and how is that feel for you? And they both looked horrified. Horrified. Yes, yes, insignificant others children. Yeah, no, no, no, that's that's not gonna happen. And I said, Well, this parenting plan, right, is going to extend for a certain amount of time. So I I love that this is where you are right now, and I'd love for that to continue and you guys and the intention in that, but we need to look at also potential things that may occur down the road. So if if if those individuals were working with divorce coaches, that is certainly something in terms of not that we're we're creating conflict, we're actually sort of mapping out possibilities of what might happen, how might we handle it, what is the mechanism for resolution, and being able to sort of drill out some of those thought processes well before they even come in to negotiate it.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Absolutely. It's predictive and preventative.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Yes.

Joint Decision-Making Without A Swing Vote

SPEAKER_00 13:21

And um, it's something that can contemplate how are we going to make decisions down the road, how are we going to adapt and change this as circumstances change, as our children change, as developmental ages change. And if we know, as per the parenting plan, we are now going to engage the dispute resolution process that's in the parenting plan. Yeah, and that provides us a path forward that we know we just have to start on step one.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

There's no decision required.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

Yeah. And even though these are difficult decisions, again, they're preventing future conflict. And and that if there is, because conflict is inevitable in all relationships, there is a path forward, a mechanism for for working towards resolution. So that's right.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

And it eliminates as many discretionary decisions as you can possibly muster up and think of and predict and put into your parenting plan.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Yeah. Yeah. So you shared that you have a tool, right? You work with clients and sort of uh this very what did you say? 15-page word document where you're creating opportunities for clients to start thinking about it and looking at some of those options and term stuff. What else do you see as sort of those next steps? So is it that the client now, because not everything may be a concern or not, right? So in an example is in communication, right? If we're getting divorced and our children are 15 years old and they have their own phones, right? They have fully accessible access to communication with each of us independently without the other party. If we're working with a client whose child is younger, right, there may be some additional thoughts on how are they going to prepare or plan for those calls to the other parent when uh one parent is exercising their time sharing. So, what does that look like? What are those sort of next steps as people are navigating these various components, if you of a parenting plan and what's important to them?

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Right. Well, I think I think the next step is thinking about how am I going to get this to agreement? Right? What's my path? What's my process here? Yeah. We spend a lot of time with our clients on their exit strategy and their first few steps on what is the process? Does mediation make sense for them? Can they do some of these things independent of outside professionals directly with their spouse or co-parent? Um, do they need lawyers on board to help them with this? Is MedArb the best flavor? So really looking at that family's unique situation. What is the conflict pattern? How far apart do our clients expect themselves to be from their co-parent? What are the the sticky bits to use you know my favorite language? And what choice do they want to make? Can they plan for, prepare to succeed at a direct kitchen table conversation? What does that look like? If not that, if that doesn't feel like it's going to be likely successful, but it may light things up even further and get them further apart, do they need to engage in an immediated process? Do they um feel like they want to try collaborative divorce and how are they going to do that in a four-way meeting? Or are they giving this tool to their lawyer to be sent over to opposing counsel, to be floated that way? What is their path forward to take this ideal parenting plan that we've worked on and get it into something that's into a signed document?

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Yeah. So I heard a couple things there that I think are really, really important, right? Various factors that go into this. So it's it's one thing to understand the intention, purpose, right? Kind of drill down based on some tools in terms of those areas of concern. And now really looking at, well, what is that next step? What are factors that are going to be impacting my ability to engage in these conversations and the processes that I may be using to help facilitate that? Right. You mentioned a lot of different process options. Um as well as what I think is even more important, what is the expected? And I know there's a lot of often fear and trepidation in this process, but what is the expected counter argument or quote unquote the opposing side or interests and need? And I think that is not just sitting there and really exploring, okay, well, I think these are going to be sticky bits, but also why?

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Right?

Holiday And Future Scenario Planning

SPEAKER_03 18:15

Not trying to discern why this party may show up in the way, but what might be the underlying interest for that other person, the co-parent in terms of presenting this. Because it's one thing to say, well, I believe that this is in the best interest of the child, our child, right? Versus what you may believe is in the best interest of the child. I see this with screen time all the time, all the time, right? I've got a client who is dug in. Yes, I have spoken with every child developmental specialist, and they suggest that limiting screen time to no more than 60 minutes, right? Outside of school, blah, blah, blah. And and then, you know, uh, as they really are really intent of this being so good for their children and their growth and their development, opposing, or the other co-parent is like, hey, like, I was brought up watching TV and I turned out okay. And I love a video game. So, you know, where the there may be disagreement. So trying to sort of move past this kind of, I don't want to say narrow view of what the other parents' interest may be, but moving away from that position. Oh, they're just doing this because they don't care. Or it's easier for them just to put the kid in front of TV so they can do their own thing, right? What might be the the interest and the need of that other parent?

SPEAKER_00 19:57

Absolutely. It's that that brave coach's question. Right? I mean, is there anything else that you can think of that really supports your feeling that the only reason the your co-parent doesn't agree with you is because they don't care. That reality testing, that gentle yet brave, call it a love shove, call it whatever you want, where we're there to really be that sounding board and to be of service, to to deal with projections, reality test things, also help our clients um prioritize, right, what things are really, really important and which things maybe they can be quite flexible about and how to handle that.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

Yeah, right. The definition of negotiation, right? To give up something you want for something you want more, right? It's a compromise. Right. So we are in essence trying to help clients, right, think strategically and compassionately about their approach, which is sort of being able to sort of look at a couple of things, right? What their interests are, what the underlying interests of the other party may be, looking at the needs of the child, and can there be shared meaning, right? And how can I not engage you? You just talked about some of those, but uh I love to talk about the assumption iceberg, right? Where I am assigning lovely intention to my behavior and my interests and needs and motive to my co-parents. So here we are creating those opportunities to both explore in curiosity, but also that reality testing and perspective taking, which is so essential.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Yeah, if we can guide clients to think thoughtfully um about what things are like in the other person's shoes, about what facts support that assumption, and to help them make a strategic proposal or like we do for mediation, a a three-tiered proposal. Yeah, right. This is this is step one, but I could also live with this, and if I needed to, I could give my head around that.

unknown 22:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

And what does that look like?

SPEAKER_03 22:09

Yeah. So you talked about a couple different right process options as well, and and how people do it. And I you mentioned something that I absolutely love, right? This idea of a kitchen table negotiation. First of all, I was wondering if you can just help explain what you mean by kitchen table negotiation and and how a divorce coach may be able to help a client succeed who is sort of going in that angle, right? That they they are working with attorneys, but they're they're working towards maybe that kitchen table negotiation.

Dispute Resolution Pathways

SPEAKER_00 22:42

That's right. It's the cheapest hourly rate. The kitchen table conversation, right? If possible, right? If possible, if if people are safe to do so, and there's a good likelihood of them, you know, having the ability to succeed in these conversations, these two parents know their children better than a judge, better than their lawyer, their mediator, and anybody else. So is there a way to prepare to succeed in a one-on-one direct negotiation with your co-parent? Whether that's a fully built-out proposal in writing that's sent over by email that says, hey, in an effort to save expense, to come up with something that makes the most sense for our children, uh, I've drafted this for your consideration. Please take your time with it. If you're open to it, um I would love to meet you at Starbucks with our draft of this and and discuss how close we are in our shared um ideas about how this should go. Or it's sit down at the at the table. Maybe that same draft that I send to my clients, they send over unmarked, and they say, Hey, how about you take your red pen and your highlighter and you highlight the ones that you like and scratch the ones that you don't, and I'll do the same, and then let's let's compare and let's see what we can agree to and set aside and which items are remaining on the scrap floor that we need to come back to the table about in another coffee chat, for example. And if a client is uncomfortable with conflict, if a client is not familiar with self-advocacy, is struggling with boundaries, is um worried about that difficult conversation, we know as divorce coaches, we do a ton of work preparing them to have a different kind of conversation than maybe they've ever had.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

Yeah, yeah. Those communication skills and and and why I love this, right? Because these two parents are going to need to communicate. And and I I have this pet peeve with a lot of people who talk to me, well, no, no, no, no, we're only gonna parallel parent. Right. And and and parallel parenting is a form of co-parenting and still requires communication. It may be simply on a parenting app, right? It may never be in person, but it's still communication, it's still learning how to effectively communicate. So we're doing a lot of deep dive work here in supporting clients in developing those conflict communication skills and being comfortable with their process and their strategy. So you said a couple of things that I love, right? I am a huge fan of throwing out a proposal first. And a lot of people are scared to death of it. Like, I don't want to negotiate against myself. And oh, you know, and I am very, very uh work with clients a lot and making sure those proposals are not insulting first offers, the the opportunity to keep the conversations going, inviting a process. But sometimes people are so scared to do it. And I think it's just a wonderful opportunity to actually start a conversation. So if it is set out with the right intention, the right tone, it can create an opportunity that eases people a little, if you will. It's someplace to start versus both of you and I sitting here who we're gonna play chicken. Like who's gonna who's gonna put their foot out first? And I don't know. I love a client to go out there first. The other thing that you said that I absolutely also love is is that our clients, co-parent, may not also be working with somebody, right? They may not be working with a divorce coach. So now here our client actually has the opportunity to take some leadership and and and facilitate a process as they're learning how to do it with us in our process and divorce coaching, extending that out to their co-parent with that blank worksheet to also say, okay, you you throw your thoughts and ideas together. I'm gonna throw my thoughts and ideas together, and we're gonna both show them together at the same time, right? Right, which then kind of minimizes those those potential fears as well or or opportunities to to engage in those conversations. So I love both of those approaches.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

And again, it is the cheapest dollar per hour.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Unless a client isn't safe, unless there's real likelihood that it's going to make things worse.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Mm-hmm.

Kitchen Table Negotiation

SPEAKER_00 27:28

I'm all for proposals too. I'm I'm all for give it a try, be smart about it, be strategic, stay regulated, mind your triggers, be ready with ear statements, be ready to respond in a mature way, keep the emotion out of it as best you can, know when to take a break, all those tools that we have to help them negotiate all of the parts of divorce in all of the processes.

SPEAKER_03 27:53

Yeah. Yeah. And we do, we have amazing other processes for individuals who may need some support or a neutral facilitator to help engage in those conversations. And and I don't want to take away from, you know, the work that mediators and collab teams do in addition to uh the support of a divorce coach. So, how how do you see that? I mean, I I see some of those things separately, uh kind of similar in and some a little different approach. So, how do you see preparation in our divorce coaching work with somebody who may not be doing a kitchen table uh parenting plan discussion, but working with a neutral to facilitate something. Right.

unknown 28:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Well, in all the ADR processes, be it mediation, medArb, collaborative practice, uh four-way meetings, settlement conferences, our clients are going to have to speak up for what they want and what they propose. They're going to have to say, no, thank you. I counter with this. They're going to need to be ready to do that. It's part of the process. Um, unless they're in a litigated straight to a judge, which we all agree on is an absolute last resort. Unless they're in that process, they're going to need to do the same things to think about what's important to the other party, what's underneath the interests, to stay out of positional thinking, be prepared to speak to it, to manage themselves, deal with, you know, Amy the amygdala, keep her in her car seat. That's a really important thing. And it's very hard to do when you're talking about important matters about the most important part of your life, your children.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Yeah. We often associate uh parenting plan discussions or conflicts around parenting, grounded in sort of those value conflicts. And those value conflicts, they hold a lot of weight and they can be hard, right? And there's a lot of entrenched identity threats in this process, especially when it comes to I was the person who did everything. I was a stay-at-home parent, or I was the one who always took to doctor's appointments. And now that may be changing. And and that is a threat to one's identity, which can be creating a lot of internal conflict that may then bleed over into an external conflict in these negotiations. So then working and still preparing, even with a neutral facilitator, of how you show up for this process is really going to be the difference between success or an impasse, where then you're moving into a more restrictive, more costly, more potentially damaging to that relationship. As moving forward as co-parents down the road.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

That's right. And it's going to take you six, twelve, eighteen or more months to get it figured out, anyways, when you defer it to someone else, depending on what region you're in. I'd rather have an agreement.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Yeah. And by the way, right, as you have this now extended time, you're still doing it. Like you're actually in the process of doing it even without a judgment, which is just so funny to me, right? Like we need somebody to tell us how to do this. In the interim, we're actually doing this.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

That's right. Halloween's coming, Christmas is coming, we're making school decisions, kids are getting vaccines. That doesn't stop.

SPEAKER_03 31:19

Doesn't stop. Parenting doesn't get to take a break until a judge decides who should be doing what.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

That's right. That's right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Yeah. All right. So, so I know you mentioned the uh worksheet, the the idea kind of process uh in getting started in a parenting plan. Are there any other practical tools or resources that you recommend for divorce coaches to sort of have on hand to help clients engage in this process of developing their parenting plans?

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Absolutely. I think to you and I, Tracy, when I say 2255, you know what that means. Um other people that are just they're just starting their parenting plan, they don't have a clue. So um I would encourage all divorce coaches to have some sort of visual tool about different types of common parenting schedules and rotations and to talk about the difference. Um, so that's something to have at your hands.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

Yeah, to that point, I I love custody exchange. Same. That's the one I refer to. Yeah, and and and simply just because it allows it's and the free version, right? But I'll even pull it up in you know a Zoom share and walk them through, and then they could go to the site afterwards and look at the different things and talk about and weigh the impact. So, yeah, some kind of visual representation because it's one thing to understand what a 223 is or two two five five. It's very different to see it.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Right, right. And yeah, I love that tool. There's I don't think there's a better one out there than custody exchange. So yay for you. Maybe we should have them here.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

Yeah.

Preparing For Mediated Processes

SPEAKER_00 32:59

Um I think about interim parenting plans too before anybody's thought about what divorce process we're doing, before anybody's engaged in anything formally. Are we nesting? Do we need a parent on duty interim calendar of some kind? So be prepared to to work in in that arena. Um and then as far as the other steps that I take, is that doomsday think? I I very intentionally ask clients, blow this up for me if this goes horribly, awfully wrong, if you end up in a high conflict, disagree about everything, co-parenting situation four years from now, where are these big differences going to be that you're worried about? And then I I have them with their draft parenting plan say, Okay, what does your plan say? What would you be able to engage, do, resolve that addresses those fears that you're having? So we always take that step, a really important one. Um and then outside of the parenting plan, because we don't like to mix kids and money, uh, there is that secondary piece about shared expenses for the children. I have a spreadsheet, a tool with lots of the common categories of expenses that parents share. And we talk about those things um and try and forecast what might be ahead for their kids depending on their age. Driver's end. I missed it in my parenting plan. Same with some of the post-secondary considerations and and things like that.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

It would have been nicer. Yeah, college touring at consultants, but also, you know, I a client who had three teenage daughters, and she was very concerned because she was the one who went and took them to get their highlights and their eyebrows done and their lashes and their fingernails and their toenails, and she was freaking out. She was like, There's no way I am going to be able to afford this, and really looking at their daughter's beautification expenses as a category that sat outside of basic child support that uh she was presenting to negotiate a pro-ratio share of distribution in that expense. And and it was smart because this was a real fear and concern for this client.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

Yeah, do we need joint buy-in on a grad dress that's greater than$500?

SPEAKER_03 35:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Right? Or if I do, if I spend a thousand dollars with daughter on a grad dress and submit that receipt, does my co-parent get to say, go fly a kite because they didn't agree with that?

SPEAKER_03 35:36

Yeah, yeah. I love I love these tools. I think that they help create opportunities for clients to to both be educated for themselves and being able to get clear, to be able to think about their thinking, right? To be able to be empowered in that decision-making process. And and I know I can I can spend all day talking about this. So I adory, this has been such a valuable conversation. You know, 25 minutes, 30 minutes is not enough time for us to really, really dive deep into parenting plans. I mean, we even go into all of the, you know, who are these parenting plans for, meaning parents need to understand them. If your parenting plan is being written and you can't understand it or read it, problem, red flag.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Yeah, I'm all about plain language. Yeah, me too. Excessively plain where I can.

Schedules, Expenses, And Practical Tools

SPEAKER_03 36:32

Very much. So I want to thank you so much for walking us through some of these very practical as well as emotional sides of helping clients navigate parenting plan decisions with confidence. And and for our listeners, please, uh, as divorce coaches, our role is to help clients feel prepared, informed, and emotionally steady as they move through one of the most critical parts of this parenting journey.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

It is an extension now of the parenting journey as we are uh raising our children. So if you would like to learn more about some of our advanced work, if you're already a certified divorce coach, our pre-mediation divorce coach course or an advanced conflict coaching course, if you are not certified as an ADR divorce coach, I encourage you to look at our website, divorcecoachesacademy.com, check out our certification training programs that are all focused on dispute resolution as a foundation for the work that we do in supporting clients and not just the transaction of a parenting plan, but the transformation of looking at conflict in in developing parenting plans. So we have a special uh in and separate divorce coach certification training program for our peers and colleagues in Canada that is uh spearheaded and led by our wonderful friend here, Dory, as well in the US, Australia, New Zealand, uh the Arabian Gulf, and soon coming in France. So please do not forget to subscribe to our podcast so you never miss an episode that may help you strengthen your skills and practice. I want to thank you so much, Dory, for your time and your expertise. It is amazing to have you join us and hope you will join us again sometime. And please remember that at DCA, we are transforming the way people experience divorce. One conversation at a time, one certified professional at a time.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Thanks, Tracy.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

Thank you.