​​​​Preparing for Divorce Month: Coaching for an Exit Strategy

The holidays promise cheer, yet for many families they amplify tension, unmet expectations, and quiet grief. We open the door to a calmer path by guiding clients through a practical, humane pre-decision continuum that reduces conflict before lawyers, filings, or ultimatums take center stage. 

Since January is known for a surge in divorce inquiries, we make the case that it should be known for something better: thoughtful coaching that stabilizes emotions and turns fear into informed choice.

In this episode, host Tracy Callahan and guest, Dori Braddell, DCA Certified Divorce Coach and Director of Education and Development for DCA Canada, discuss divorce client preparation. They break the journey into three clear stages. First, Stay Well: we focus on stabilization and containment—sleep, nutrition, mindfulness, supportive connection—and name the SCARF triggers (status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, fairness) that fuel reactivity. We help clients separate emotional distress from decision urgency and build safety plans and communication guardrails. Next, Wait With Intention: a purposeful pause for values clarification and fact-finding. We reverse-engineer desired outcomes for parenting, housing, and cash flow; gather financial data and process options; and model neutral, non-adversarial language. We stay in lane ethically by sharing general information and framing precise attorney questions without offering legal advice. Finally, Go With Purpose: clients convert preparation into action with a scripted, respectful approach to “the talk,” a short-term financial buffer, interim housing choices, parenting status quo, and a calm first agenda that sets the tone for mediation and collaborative solutions.

Throughout, we underscore leadership and empathy: the prepared spouse takes care to avoid blindsiding and offers space for the other to process. For fellow coaches and ADR professionals, we share practical readiness tips—open discovery slots, align messaging to “divorce decision month,” refresh templates, and protect your own container against compassion fatigue—so you can meet the January surge with clarity and heart. Preparation is peace. Subscribe, share this episode with a colleague who needs a January playbook, and leave a review telling us which stage your clients struggle with most.

To connect Dori through her role with DCA:
Dori Braddell, DCA Certified Divorce Coach; Director of Education and Development for DCA Canada
Email: dca.ca@divorcecoachesacademy.com 

Dori's private practice: https://www.thedivorcementor.ca/about-me

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Transcript

Why January Becomes “Divorce Month”

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Welcome back to Divorce Coaches Academy Podcast, the show where we bring real conversations about divorce, conflict, and transformation to the forefront. I'm Tracy. And today I am thrilled to welcome back my good friend and colleague, Dory Brattle. Hey, Dory. Glad to be here, Tracy. Uh, you're becoming a regular. I love this. Okay. I love it. So it's November and we're crashing right through it into the holidays, right? And as we move into the holidays, we know that emotions tend to run high. Expectations, family pressures, financial strain, and all of that end-of-year reflection can bring long-suppressed relationship conflict right to the surface. It's not all hallmark. No, no, no, no, no, not at all. So for divorce coaches, this is the front end of the early dispute resolution process, that moment when thoughtful, grounded coaching can absolutely make all the difference. And it's our opportunity to help prevent escalation, stabilize emotions, and prepare clients for informed intentional decision making. And with January, often referred to as divorce divorce month, just around the corner, it is the perfect time to meet clients upstream. I love an upstream, right? To reduce reactivity, increase readiness, and lay the groundwork for conflict-informed approaches and safe exits. So today, Dory and I are going to explore how coaches can guide clients through this pre-decision continuum, what we call the three stages of readiness. Stay well, right? Maintaining emotional and physical safety while living in uncertainty. Wait with intention, that building awareness, gathering information and creating structured reflection, and go with purpose, right? Transitioning safely and strategically with a clear values-aligned plan and divorce.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Absolutely. I love a three-step plan, Tracy.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Who doesn't?

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Let's talk about divorce month for a sec. You know, for some of our listener coaches, this might be their third, their fifth, their tenth divorce month coming around the corner, but it might be new to some of our recently trained coaches. So, yes, January is known as divorce month. Whoever they are decided, that's what we were going to call it. Um, there's a divorce day. The next one is Monday, January 5th, the first Monday that firms reopen.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

It's the most calls, right? That's how it got divorce days. The most calls made or placed to a family law practice.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

That's right. And apparently Google's done some reporting as well about it. Is it the Google searches that are divorce related? They report this huge surge in interest in the topic of divorce. And it's easy to understand why, like we talked about, it's not all hallmark and those movies have started already. Um, there's lots of family strife. It's a difficult time. Maybe they found that last straw, as seems to be easy to find during the holidays. Or maybe these clients knew in October that divorce was a real consideration for them, but didn't want to blow up holidays for their kids. So they tried to put a pin in it, right? Compartmentalization, lots of grinning and bearing it. Maybe there's tears in the pantry. And then you drop the kids off that first Monday back in January. And there's that elephant in the room that's waiting for some attention and demanding it. So thus, January, divorce month happens. This surge in inquiry to firms and on Google. And maybe we could relabel it because it's really not the time of year when divorces are granted at an increased frequency. Maybe it's divorce decision month, contemplating divorce month, taking a first step about divorce month, whatever it is. Um, but it is undoubtedly an opportunity with a rush of new interest to both law firms and divorce coaches. And we know that the ideal time to engage us is right at this stage. It is the perfect sweet spot before the news has been broken to anyone, before there's been a legal consultation. We know the benefits of a client speaking to a divorce coach during this part of the divorce continuum and how we can have remarkable value now and in the future with using it as an EDR process. Yeah.

Stage One: Stay Well And Stabilize

SPEAKER_00 5:26

So what we want to do is talk about this in preparation for you, all divorce coaches and ADR professionals listening, to get your head wrapped around this, right? We don't want to be preparing for quote unquote divorce months or what we're gonna call maybe divorce decision month, uh in January, right? Here's an opportunity now to sort of get yourself ready, right? To to to educate yourself to look at how you can best support your clients in this process. So I want to start with this first stage of that sort of pre-decision continuum, stay well, right? And in this phase, right, from an early dispute resolution perspective, this is really about stabilization and containment, helping clients manage that emotional intensity in this process before it escalates into positional or adversarial dynamics. As dispute resolution focused coaches, our efforts here are on supporting emotional regulation and decision readiness. We are reinforcing daily stability routines, things like sleep, nutrition, mindfulness, healthy connection, and helping clients build awareness of their internal triggers, especially around ding, ding, ding, the scarf domains of status, certainty, autonomy relatedness, and fairness. And it's also the time to start gently identifying communication patterns that tend to fuel conflict and to anchor sort of this entire process in client agency and safety planning. So, Dory, let's start there. How can coaches help clients separate like this emotional distress from decision urgency?

SPEAKER_01 7:24

I love that term. Decision urgency, Tracy. Contemplating divorce stinks. You got one foot on either side of the fence. It can feel like it changes daily. It's super roller coastery, chaotic, confusing. And the indecision or purgatory itself can add incredible emotional distress to the pile on top of whatever else they're dealing with. Some people live in this emotionally exhausting spin cycle for years on end.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Yeah, I love the use of the word purgatory. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Nobody knows what they're doing in a month, a year, and so on. It's it's a pretty tortured spot to be in. And let's be mindful that if a client is speaking to you in January, this may be their very first baby step. Reluctantly speaking to a divorce professional. They're not sure if they want one, they're not sure if they need one. You may be the first person to ask them tough questions, like my favorite, on a scale of one to ten. How likely does it feel that you will be initiating a divorce in the next year? That guy lands with a thud, usually.

unknown 8:31

Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Somebody's saying it out loud. No, it is saying it out loud, right? Right. So we can use our empathy skills. We can normalize and validate for these people how difficult this is emotionally. Remove any doubt that they're having about themselves, uh, whether they're experiencing this in a normal kind of way. We can um absolutely explain that it's an enormous decision. We can inquire with them about decision urgency. What's important to them about timing about this and exploring that with the client? Is there a self-imposed deadline of some kind? Or can they just not take it anymore? What's urgent about it? And getting to the why of that. And then we can talk about the emotional distress, right? We're we don't hide away from tough conversations, the opposite, of course, being true. How is that distress showing up at work? How is it showing up at home? How is it impacting you as a parent? And we can explore options with them for what steps they may want to take to reduce their stress, to nourish that nervous system that's super taxed right now. So we go right there to talk about the emotional distress. And then a question we might want to ask is how close are you to flipping your lid? How close are you to throwing out the D word in an argument and then regretting it? We can't get the genie back in the bottle. So we can walk the path with them. What does that mean? What impact would that that have on you? And if you do get triggered and throw this word out randomly, um, what does that do for the emotional distress level? Does that improve anything? Or is the opposite quite true, right? And if they decide after some coaching conversation that they want to get informed, they want to slow this down, they want to make a careful decision that they won't regret and be strategic, then our job is maybe to help them explore how they might stay emotionally regulated and communicate well during this messy mean time, right?

SPEAKER_03 10:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

And sometimes then just saying out loud what their plan is. I'm seriously considering divorce is a really difficult place for me to be. I'm taking steps forward to support my ability to make an informed intentional decision, and I'm gonna take care of myself in the meantime. To verbalize that plan can sometimes take the heat down and relieve some of that tremendous pressure so they can go forward and do this in the way that they want to.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Yeah, I love all of that. Staying well is so connected to minimizing both that uh opportunity, if you will, for escalation and conflict.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

It really does start at the individual level, right? And for all of those reasons you just spoke about. So as they're contemplating this process and facing the emotions as part of this decision-making process, they're creating opportunities to start looking at de-escalation of conflict. Even if conflict was ever present leading up to this point, there is an opportunity right now to do it a little differently in the goal of staying well.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

From word go. Yeah. The opportunities there.

Decoupling Distress From Decision Urgency

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Yeah. So let's now kind of move on to this next stage in the pre-decision continuum, which is wait with intention. Right. And again, from an EDR lens, this phase is all about awareness building, informed reflection, data gathering, right? The kind of intentional pause that supports principled, okay, or I'm air quoting interest-based choices and helps reduce again downstream conflict. As dispute resolution focused coaches, here our role is to cultivate reflection, discovery, curiosity, right? We can support clients in the discovery process by asking what do you value most in this next chapter? Who are you in this marriage, and who do you want to be after it? We're also supporting clients in fact-finding, information gathering, right? Learning about their finances, housing options, childcare needs, access to digital counselor information, divorce process options. I mean, we can go on and on and on. Here, we're also helping them identify potential risk factors for future conflict. And again, whether that there's potential conflict in regards to financial matters or co-parenting concerns or emotional vulnerabilities, that certainly may resurface later in the process. And most importantly, in this stage, we are modeling neutral language, right? Helping clients see the difference between gathering information and strategizing for separation. So, Dory, in your in your perspective, right? In your work, what does waiting with intention look like in the work that you do?

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Mm-hmm. Well, it's not a sneak attack, like you said, right? It's having the willpower to decide to do this well, as well as you possibly can, versus packing up the car and heading for the hills. It's purpose-filled, it's not avoidance. A client that gets informed and finds out important answers to critical questions, gets certain on their why, that client can deliver the news in a more steadfast way, more confident place. They can avoid fear and uncertainty traps that trip people up all the all the time in this process. They have more realistic expectations, therefore more flexibility in all of the road ahead. A client that has the time to take that pause and look at the conflict and communication patterns in their marriage and invest in developing skills to change how they show up so that they they can set the tone for more amicability. A client that's able to emotionally regulate, to communicate without blowing up the conflict or throwing in the towel, one of the big risks. They can maybe tap into empathy for their partner, see it from the other side, and effectively use the boundaries that they need. That client can transform how this divorce might go, and both parties benefit when that happens. I'm betting that you can spot a mediation client that weighted with intention a mile away.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

A mile away, a few hundred miles away, right? They come in with a different process. And and one of the things that I also love, again, you know, this isn't a sneak attack. This isn't being underhanded or manipulative. This is allowing the client space and time to get their ducks in a row, right? Which may also include maybe I do need to go back to work, right? Maybe I haven't engaged in the workforce for some time, but recognize that I may need to to offset expenses of two homes and or that I'd like to, right? So so waiting with intention can also be, right, in addition to getting ourselves financially organized, part of that process of going back to school or or or re uh issuing my licenses or certification that may have expired in time that I've decided uh to focus solely on the children or whatever it may be, or or just I've been stuck in this sort of job and want to do something else and look and see opportunities there. So there's so much that's going on in that leading with intention process. Right. So, okay, so let's let's move to our uh next question, which is is how can a coach really keep this stage future focused without sort of drifting into legal advising? And and because this is not what we do, right? No, we are not engaging in legal advisement as a divorce coach. We are 100% staying in our lane here.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Well, I like to think of it as reverse engineering. Maybe it's because I've got a kiddo in engineering right now, but that term comes up for me. Reverse engineering the outcome that the client might want for their future, setting the GPS, as we we also say, to keep them future focused. So we spend a lot of time in inquiry to help the client see what their future might look like. What would they like it to look like for parenting? What about their monthly cash flow? What about where they're going to live and so on? What are the outcomes that are super critical to them? So can we build out that future plan and then walk it back to see how possible, reasonable, legally entitled they are to those sorts of outcomes? From a legal point of view, we can spend and share information that's general, that's an available public resource. We can dumb it down in plain language and give them that Coles Notes version of a divorce process, share resources about child and spousal calculators, um, how division of assets and liabilities work, what's an exemption, and so on. But there may be some very specific legal questions that that client really needs to have some clarity about before they make this big decision and take a step forward. So coaches can be a great resource to help them frame that legal question, provide the information that's relevant to getting a legal answer in a nice, tidy, efficient package, being mindful of legal fees, and go off and get that answer in a clear, precise way.

Stage Two: Wait With Intention

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Yeah. Yeah. One of the other things that we do in that regard is also helping our clients in this, you know, waiting with intention and putting a making sure all of those questions that they may have uh be answered to the the best or fullest uh they can at the time is what is their divorce budget? And in looking at those divorce process options, what best aligns with where they want to go, they're future focused, aligned with their values, but also what resources do they have and are willing to contribute to this experience of divorce?

SPEAKER_01 19:10

So powerful question.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yeah, that is a very, very future-focused process. So needless to say, waiting is not passive, right? No, the very busy time doing nothing, very, very busy stage, right? And it's a critical EDR intervention point where again, conflict can be reframed, right? These options can be explored and power. And when I say power, I mean agency, empowerment, right, is reclaimed. This is where our work is helping clients trade that reaction for readiness.

SPEAKER_03 19:51

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

So now we're there, right? We we are in that process. We are in that stage now to move to this third stage to go with purpose. And and here, again, from an early dispute resolution objective, we want to be able to support and facilitate a safe, informed transition plan that aligns with the client's values and minimizes conflict escalation, right? So this is where coaching now we're supporting our clients from that reflection, discovery, information gathering into action, right? What are they going to do? So our work is helping that client transform all of that preparation into a clear strategy. Right, right. They're integrating everything they've been working on, the emotional regulation, the logistical planning, the new self-awareness, their conflict management skills, and supporting them as they begin to sort of map their next steps. And this may include housing decisions or understanding their finances or making introductions to legal or other dispute resolution professionals. It is also where language matters more than ever. We want to use collaborative, non-adversarial framing when clients are talking about separation or planning for that acknowledgement of divorce to their spouse, setting the tone, the tone for what comes next, and thereby working towards reducing the the risk of conflict escalation. And of course, this stage includes preparing clients for the emotional aftermath.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Yes, the tsunami.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Yeah, helping them anticipate what it will feel like to re-engage with others in the dispute resolution process. Again, whether that's mediation or co-parenting discussions or attorney consultations. So, so Dory, I'm gonna kick this over to you. When you think about this stage, again, what does this look like for coaches to help clients go with purpose rather than an impulsive go?

SPEAKER_01 22:10

To go with purpose. Well, it's an intentional exit strategy, not an impulsive exit strategy. I believe the more work you do up front, the better your outcome is exponentially. I like a plan, you know me, I like a spreadsheet, I like detail. Um, and I think that that what I see with my clients is I see this tremendous amount of confidence that they can tap into because they have a well-thought out, structured plan and a literal if this then that chart pre-contemplated.

unknown 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Right. It's it's it allows them the ability to walk into that coffee shop or go for that walk or sit down and break that news and have that conversation when without that plan, it they may have sat in purgatory for weeks, months, or years, not able to take that step.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Yeah, I the uh I have two pairs of words that come to mind always in this process, right? Informed and intentional. You just talked about intentional, intentional, informed, led it up to this intentional process, and then confidence and competence. Right. So, so even though it may seem scary, right, they're they've done the work behind, like you said, there's a plan. There, there's something to fall back on to rely on that this was thought through, which then instills sort of that confidence as they endeavor. So, from a coaching standpoint, what does a a healthy go plan include, right? Emotionally, logistically, relationally, what does that look like?

Future Focus Without Legal Advice

SPEAKER_01 23:47

Great question. And of course, if if there were safety concerns for a client, it would be a different answer to that question, Tracy. But assuming that there aren't, um, to be prepared emotionally, and you touched on this before, I think clients need to have a realistic expectation of what's to come. Right? There is a boatload of grief ahead. There's going to be ups and downs. They are not going to be at their best. Um, I've been known to say a million times, you know, lower the bar for yourself. Uh, let's plan for that emotionally. Do they have their supports in place to manage what's coming? Whether that be therapy or communicating with their support team, asking for help, investing in self-care, working with their coach, for example, to be really ready for the emotional wallop that's going to come again and again and again and not be surprised by it. And then logistically, a detailed plan. A plan that at least for three to six months mitigates any financial urgency and vulnerability in the case where one party may be only a secondary cardholder, may not be the breadwinner, might be really financially vulnerable. Can they come up with their doomsday plan? What if the worst case happens? What if I get cut off financially? Do I have three to six months of some breathing room somehow so that I can get some help with that, perhaps legally, logistically, um, also the immediate urgencies? Where are people going to live after you drop that bomb? Are we driving home together in the same car and we're going to stay in the same bedroom? Will there be a change? What's possible for that client to spend time exploring options realistically? Nesting, you go, they go. What are those? Are you going to couch surf? Are you not? Do you have other options? Is there financing for that? Um, same thing about interim parenting arrangements. From word go, if we start threatening a parent's access to their children, threatening their role in that family, then that can set that train derailment right out of the beginning. So, talking about that, how are we going to continue to be in contact with our children, to each have time with our children to communicate about the things we need to still communicate? Soccer's still happening on Thursday. Um, what does that look like? And and maybe some commitments about breaking the news to the kids, right? We don't want one person to run off and tell little Johnny and little Susie without the other parent because that's going to blow up the conflict. So when is that happening? How are we going to come together and have a conversation, if possible, about that step? And really honoring, um, keeping those triggers down for that stuff, communication. Are we communicating by email? Does anything else happen have to happen? Uh, would be the logistics. And then relationally, and this is this is the big one here with EDR relationally. Um, what's the plan? How are you having this conversation? When are you having this conversation? Where are you having this conversation? How are you going to end the conversation? What are your what what are your words? You and I love words and and they make such a difference that language matter. They matter.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

Language matters.

SPEAKER_01 27:14

Script it, rehearse it, poke holes in it, say it in front of the mirror if you need to, if there's lots of nerves at play, that makes a big impact relationally. Um, and consider how the news will be received.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Yeah. I think it's something that is often overlooked, right? Because I have clients who have been in this three-stage of the pre-divorce continuum for months. And and sort of processing this and and getting straight in terms of their decisions and their values and and their experience. And now, right, they've been they've been working up to this. They've given themselves the resources and the time and the effort. And now they're going to make their acknowledgement to their spouse that they're moving forward with a divorce. And they may be ready to go, right? Because they've been planning this for some time. Right. And now we may need to allow some time for this individual, the spouse, who was not maybe aware or has not had the opportunity to also be able to process this. Time to process this.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yes, the blind side. Yeah. Right? How absolutely awful to be on the receiving end of that, understandably, right? Will there be anger? Will there be begging and bargaining? How are they going to respond to that if they expect that might be on the table? What will their spouse's fears be right away? Is there anything they can front load, acknowledge as a fear, and put to bed for their spouse right away, just to start calming things down immediately? Um and and how are they going to communicate moving forward? You know, I've seen some clients do this step remarkably well. I can think of so many that that started working with me in coaching, conflict avoidant, really uncomfortable and difficult conversations, probably a power imbalance in their marriage. Terrified. I cannot do this. I can't. And they, through thoughtful work with the coach, put a plan together. They delivered a scripted and rehearsed uh conversation. They did it in alignment with their values and their goals for how they wanted the divorce to go. They predicted that this was going to land really hard for the person that was hearing it, and made an offer for things like: here's the news. I really don't think it's beneficial if we do a big post-mortem about the why today. I'd like to give you the news, give you some time. Maybe they've thought about how they're going to go away for the weekend, or there's a brother waiting to support that person. They've been thoughtful about that. The kids are taken care of in the moment. I'd like to give you some time to digest it. I know this is hard. And I'd like to propose that we meet on Monday, on whatever day, to talk about the immediate things that need to be talked about. And those are just parenting, housing, and financial status quo. And then once those are set up and in place, people get time with the grief. And then let's have another conversation about process options. Yeah. It's really taking it in bites and honoring the emotions that are involved.

unknown 30:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

And really being Being a leader about how this is going to go. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

That is the word that comes to my mind is taking leadership, right? Versus punting it over to other people to engage in this sloppily and in an escalating adversarial way. So it's ownership, it's leadership, it's empowerment. And I loved, as you were describing that, I'm like, yes, yes, right. Can you imagine? Could you imagine, right? If that's how everybody approached the experience of divorce and that acknowledgement conversation. And that is what we do, which is so amazing because there is no other professional, sorry, professionals in the divorce space. There is no other professionals who do we we we own this space, right? And Dory, for our amazing listeners out there who do do this work as dispute resolution resolution specialists, whether they're they're mediators or divorce coaches or amicable uh divorce attorneys, what advice do you give them as they're working with sort of clients who may be on the edge of this big decision, right? That that pre-divorce decision continuum.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Patience, Tracy. You and I know that clients may have a consult with a divorce coach and then absolutely disappear for weeks, months, or even longer, right? This is not a straight line. It's not today I'm going to decide to engage with a divorce professional. Definitely 30 days I will have the decision made, and in 30 further days I will break the news. And then uh it does it's it doesn't work anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

So not linear at all.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

No, for coaches to have patience. Um a client may take six sessions to settle into their decision. And to us, it may feel from session one that we could perhaps, if asked, predict where this was going to go, and we know that, but we're not them. This is this is their process, and they need whatever time they need to get there. And every minute spent on a divorce coach in sessions in advance of the decision and leaving is a minute worth investing in. The returns come back exponentially. Yeah, yeah.

Stage Three: Go With Purpose

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Couldn't agree more. Yes, right. It's not a fast chapter. It's not fast, it's not linear, right? So, how do you how do you think uh professionals can best prepare emotionally, ethically, and professionally as we head into January's surge in divorce decision stage clients?

SPEAKER_03 33:27

Staying in fighting shape through the holidays, staying away from all the stuffing too much. That may be true for me, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:37

I do like a holiday meal. Um, no, I think that uh emotionally, ethically, professionally. So DCA coaches, we work in high emotion every day, all day. It's a it's a part of what we do. Um, and we always have to be prepared emotionally for that work. But this stage, it is indeed pretty heavy. It's raw, it's sharp, it's fresh, like fresh grief. There's a pile of overwhelm at that very early stage. So it does take a toll. So as divorce coaches, we need to be responsible and look after our own containers.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Um, avoiding or managing compassion fatigue. I'm still not avoidance level yet. I'm managing compassion fatigue on the regular. Um we've got to be prepared for that and and look after ourselves. And ethically, we have to be unwaveringly neutral to the client's outcome.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Full stop. We are not pro-divorce.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

No, no, we are not pro-divorce, a hundred percent. I am. We have no skin in the game here. None.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

We need to be that safe, neutral place where a client can feel absolutely free to decide after six sessions to lean back into their marriage or to start working on their thoughtful plan. Um, and then professionally, January's coming. It's coming fast. Uh, open up those discovery session slots on your calendar. I take more discovery sessions in uh a week with my calendar limits in January than I do normally. I shut the pipeline down at some times. January's not the time to shut that pipeline down. It's to be ready to receive new business and new inquiry. Um, get your email templates all dialed up, ready to go. If you use a template like I do, that's a discovery session follow-up that's got links to my packages and my terms and conditions ready to go. And then consider your marketing content and aligning it with divorce month. So some great content there. Are you writing posts, blogs, um speaking on podcasts about things like exit strategies, breaking the news to spouse, breaking the news to children, um, first, you know, five first steps you can do in advance of a divorce decision and putting the messaging out there that a divorce coach is your best first phone call, not a law firm. Right? We we know that. And and if I had my druthers, I would make January divorce coach month.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

Oh, not divorce month. Yes, right? Yes, that would be lovely.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Wouldn't it? We can we can let the lawyers have, I don't know, March and April after the client has worked with a divorce coach. I think the whole machine, the whole industry, and especially the client outcome would be much better if January was a race to divorce coaches and then they get into processes um down the road.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Yeah. Yes, preach. I love that. Okay, so Dory, as always, thank you so much for bringing clarity and compassion and practicality to this conversation. I think this episode really highlights the incredible value divorce coaches bring in those early moments before, before other divorce professionals are hired, lawyers, whatnot, before the conflict fully takes shape, right? Where our presence can truly help that client shift the trajectory of their process. So divorce now is time. It's not wait till January 1 to start thinking about this. You need to be thinking about this now as we're heading into January. Okay. And for those of you listening, I absolutely do hope this conversation helps you reflect on how you can better prepare to support clients during this powerful predecision stage. Whether you're working with someone still living in uncertainty or helping them design a safe and values-aligned exit, remember preparation is peace. Coaching for an exit strategy begins long before a client walks out the door or says the word divorce. It begins the moment they start imagining life beyond conflict. Our role as divorce coaches are to help stabilize, inform, and empower. Right. And we do this through those three stages we just talked about staying well, waiting with intention and going with purpose. So, Dory, thank you again for joining us today. I appreciate you showing up here and chatting away with me.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

I could chat with you all day long, Tracy.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

Oh, and to all of our amazing divorce coaches and ADR professionals listening as we head into divorce month, take care of your clients, but also take care of you. Create space in your calendar, tune up your systems, and align your messaging to meet clients where they are, right at that crossroad. And if supporting clients in this particular stage of the divorce continuum is something that you would like to learn more about, we have amazing learning on-demand courses, our favorite critical conversations part one how to tell my spouse I want a divorce. You can also go to Divorce Coaches Academy to learn about additional education and training opportunities to support your own professional growth as a dispute resolution professional in the interim. We will see you next week for another conversation here at Divorce Coaches Academy. Until then, stay grounded, stay curious, and keep doing this important work. Thank you.