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Fair sounds virtuous, but it’s the quiet saboteur of many divorce negotiations. We pull back the curtain on how fairness language derails progress, fuels story stacking, and turns negotiations into a tribunal of the past instead of a plan for the future. When each person holds a private definition of “fair,” the gap widens, defensiveness rises, and workable options get torpedoed—not because they fail the kids or the law, but because they fail a sense of symmetry.

We make the case for a different target: good enough. That doesn’t mean settling for less; it means designing an agreement that functions under stress, reduces future touch points, and keeps emotional reengagement to a minimum. You’ll hear how to stress-test proposals with real-life questions—what happens when communication breaks down, when one parent is tired, or when compliance wobbles—and why agreements should be built for human behavior, not ideal behavior. We also draw a clear boundary: courts and mediation structures allocate responsibility and create enforceable terms; they don’t repair emotional inequity. Trying to extract justice from a system built for decisions guarantees frustration.

If you’re a divorce professional or coach, we share practical tools to help clients move from moral certainty to strategic flexibility, normalize disappointment as part of transition, and measure success by fewer future conflicts. And if you’re navigating divorce yourself, this conversation offers a steady off-ramp: stop chasing perfect balance and start building sustainable peace. 

Ready to trade fairness for function and finally get finished? 

Subscribe, share this episode with a colleague or friend, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway or question—we’d love to hear what “good enough” looks like for you.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Trust accelerates the work. That simple idea sits at the heart of our conversation with betrayal trauma specialist and DCA-certified ADR divorce coach, Christina Riley, as we explore why representation isn’t a tagline—it’s a performance driver in divorce coaching and mediation. Clients don’t arrive as blank slates; they bring history, stress responses, and a relationship to systems that can either inflame or calm conflict. When cultural understanding is present from the start, the nervous system settles and the coaching room turns from explanation into strategy.

We talk candidly about the access gap at the entry point: why many people in underrepresented communities delay support not because they don’t need it, but because they’re unsure the space will be safe or relevant. That delay has costs—escalated conflict, higher expenses, and harder-to-repair ruptures. Christina shares how Black clients intentionally seek coaches who share lived experience to reduce emotional labor, build early trust, and gain the clarity needed for mediation, parenting plans, and settlement conversations. The payoff is practical and immediate: clearer goals, stronger boundaries, and a sharper distinction between what genuinely matters and what’s merely emotionally loud.

We also examine the profession’s responsibility. Neutrality doesn’t demand sameness. Competence includes cultural literacy, rigorous standards, and ethical practice that adapts to reality without diluting quality. Training organizations like Divorce Coaches Academy can widen the pipeline while maintaining high bars through mentorship, community, and honest conversations about barriers. Lived experience is not a liability; paired with strong training, it’s a lens that improves outcomes across ADR.

If you care about early intervention, reduced conflict, and durable agreements, this conversation is an invitation to build inclusion thoughtfully and on purpose. 

Listen, share with someone who needs to hear it, and subscribe to stay part of a community shaping a more effective, accessible divorce coaching field.

Connect with Christina at Christina Riley Coaching here: christinariley.com

Not yet a DCA Certified Divorce Coach? Apply for the next cohort which begins Jan 11, 2026. Find out details here: https://www.divorcecoachesacademy.com/divorcecoach

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Feeling uneasy about AI crowding into divorce work? We felt it too—so we sat down to map where technology actually helps and where only a trained human can do the job. From polished emails to calmer exchanges, AI can create a crucial pause. But growth doesn’t happen in a prompt; it happens when someone learns why they got triggered, how their conflict dance repeats, and what to do differently when the stakes are high.

We unpack the real distinction between outputs and capacity. Tools like ChatGPT or specialized mediation apps can reflect language back, suggest phrasing, and organize priorities. That can make mediation smoother and lower emotional heat. Still, readiness is not a checklist. ADR‑aligned divorce coaches assess power dynamics, spot coercive control, adapt when a client shuts down or floods, and coordinate with mediators and attorneys to protect meaningful participation. That’s relational, ethical, in‑the‑moment work—work that builds durable skills clients carry into co‑parenting, future negotiations, and new relationships.

Looking toward 2026, the field is shifting. Coaches who sell scripts or generic advice will feel replaceable. Coaches who anchor in behavior change, early dispute resolution, and measurable capacity building will thrive. We share practical ways to integrate AI as a supportive tool while staying squarely in the human lane: transferring skills, not just smoothing moments; creating sturdiness, not just calm copy; and saving families time, money, and unnecessary harm through true readiness. If you’re committed to high standards and future‑focused practice, this conversation will help you sharpen your role, refine your offer, and lead with clarity.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review. Ready to level up? Our next ADR‑aligned divorce coaching certification begins January 11—join us at divorcecoachesacademy.com.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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The phrase “I just want this over with” shows up every December like clockwork. Tracy unpacks why that sentence is both deeply human and a vital signal that capacity is low—and why mistaking urgency for readiness can derail agreements, parenting plans, and trust long after the paperwork is signed.

We map how the holidays act as a compression chamber: emotional labor spikes, financial realities surface, and the symbolic reset of January creates an internal deadline that feels like clarity but is really fatigue. From an ADR lens, speed can look like competence while quietly shifting costs to the back end—where resentment, post-decree litigation, and co-parenting friction explode once the fog lifts. Tracy walks through a familiar case pattern: late-night “agreements” struck under strain that later collapse under scrutiny, not because people lied, but because they were buying relief, not building sustainability.

Then we get practical. You’ll hear the coaching moves that stabilize high-pressure moments: separating what feels urgent from what is, sequencing decisions instead of collapsing them, and pausing when regulation is low. We dig into language discipline—avoiding finality words that cement premature decisions—and show how to reframe early alignment as provisional so clients enter negotiation with flexibility, curiosity, and informed consent. The theme is simple and hard: readiness is capacity, not a feeling. Our job is to absorb urgency without amplifying it and to protect the process so January’s volume doesn’t masquerade as clarity.

If you work in divorce and family dispute resolution, this is your recalibration for “divorce month.” January doesn’t need faster divorces; it needs steadier professionals who treat “I just want this over with” as a cue to slow the pace, expand perspective, and build outcomes that hold. Listen, share with a colleague who needs this reminder, and if the episode helped you lead with steadiness, subscribe and leave a review so more practitioners can find it.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Wondering if a sustainable divorce coaching practice is really possible—or how to build one without burning out or getting lost in theory? We sit down with DCA-certified coach Lyerly Spongberg to unpack the exact steps she took to turn rigorous ADR training, mentor feedback, and a growth mindset into steady client results and a business with clear momentum.

We start with the decision point: moving from life coaching to a dispute resolution lens that gives clients structure, calms chaos, and prepares them for mediation and attorney meetings. Lyerly shares how she internalized DCA frameworks, leaned into mentor coaching, and used tools like strategic empathy, EAR statements, BIF responses, and nonviolent communication to help clients communicate clearly and avoid escalation. A memorable client story shows how planning the divorce conversation—when, where, and how—can transform years of hesitation into a grounded, empowered step forward.

Then we zoom out to the practice model. Lyerly explains the business choices that created traction: SMART goals, consistent educational content, intentional networking, and advanced training in high conflict, co-parenting, and trauma-informed coercive control. We talk about pre-mediation coaching as a game-changer for better outcomes, collaboration with legal and mediation professionals, and how these learnable skills carry into co-parenting and future relationships. Finally, we explore scalable offerings—downloadable guides, professional talks, local hubs, and group coaching—that meet clients where they are and build sustainable visibility.

If you’re building or refining a divorce coaching practice, you’ll leave with a roadmap you can use: anchor your work in ADR, practice until the tools become second nature, design services that fit your strengths, and measure success by calmer conversations and healthier outcomes for families. Subscribe, share with a colleague who needs this, and leave a review with the one ADR tool you want to master next.

About Lyerly:
Lyerly Spongberg is a DCA Certified ADR Divorce Coach, Certified DCA Pre-Mediation Coach, Co-Parenting Specialist, and Trauma-Informed Coercive Control Coach. She works nationally with clients navigating divorce to calm chaos, reduce overwhelm, and improve outcomes—ultimately saving them time, money, and emotional energy throughout the process.

In addition to her professional training, Lyerly brings a unique depth of lived experience. After navigating her own high-conflict divorce in her 30s, she later married a widower with four children—and for nearly two decades has raised a blended family of six.

Through her coaching practice, Step Up With Lyerly, she supports clients at every stage of the divorce process—from early decision-making through post-divorce restructuring—with a focus on clarity, stability, and child-centered strategies. Lyerly lives in CT with her husband and their two rescue dogs, Ruby and Daisy.

Where to connect with Lyerly:
Website - https://stepupwithlyerly.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/stepup_withlyerly
Email:

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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When the words “narcissist” or “toxic” hit the table, the conversation often derails. We take a different path—away from labels and toward behavior—so clients can make safer, smarter decisions during divorce without stepping into clinical territory. Tracy lays out a clear, ethical approach that validates harm, respects mental health needs, and keeps our work aligned with the dispute resolution standards that serve families best.

We explore the two truths that often coexist: some clients endure harmful, destabilizing behavior, and some are facing a spouse with legitimate mental health needs deserving compassion and dignity. Instead of reducing people to diagnoses, we examine what actually shows up in the process: escalation patterns, emotional regulation, reliability, responsiveness, and communication capacity. Through practical prompts—What does the behavior look like? When does it escalate? How does it affect your choices?—we convert emotional chaos into strategic clarity, boundaries, and safety plans.

We also tackle mediation viability as a functional, not clinical, question. Mediation requires predictability, transparency, and the willingness to repair communication ruptures; when those behaviors are absent, progress stalls regardless of labels. You’ll hear how to reframe inflammatory language, design behavior-based participation plans, and maintain professional boundaries that build trust across the ADR ecosystem. The result is a pragmatic, compassionate model that protects clients, preserves dignity on both sides, and elevates our field through clear roles and standards.

If the goal is durable agreements and healthier co-parenting, behavior must lead. 

Subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review to help us spread ethical, ADR-aligned divorce coaching. 

And if you’re ready to go deeper, join our next ADR Divorce Coach Certification Cohort starting January 11, 2026 at DivorceCoachesAcademy.com.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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The holidays promise cheer, yet for many families they amplify tension, unmet expectations, and quiet grief. We open the door to a calmer path by guiding clients through a practical, humane pre-decision continuum that reduces conflict before lawyers, filings, or ultimatums take center stage. 

Since January is known for a surge in divorce inquiries, we make the case that it should be known for something better: thoughtful coaching that stabilizes emotions and turns fear into informed choice.

In this episode, host Tracy Callahan and guest, Dori Braddell, DCA Certified Divorce Coach and Director of Education and Development for DCA Canada, discuss divorce client preparation. They break the journey into three clear stages. First, Stay Well: we focus on stabilization and containment—sleep, nutrition, mindfulness, supportive connection—and name the SCARF triggers (status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, fairness) that fuel reactivity. We help clients separate emotional distress from decision urgency and build safety plans and communication guardrails. Next, Wait With Intention: a purposeful pause for values clarification and fact-finding. We reverse-engineer desired outcomes for parenting, housing, and cash flow; gather financial data and process options; and model neutral, non-adversarial language. We stay in lane ethically by sharing general information and framing precise attorney questions without offering legal advice. Finally, Go With Purpose: clients convert preparation into action with a scripted, respectful approach to “the talk,” a short-term financial buffer, interim housing choices, parenting status quo, and a calm first agenda that sets the tone for mediation and collaborative solutions.

Throughout, we underscore leadership and empathy: the prepared spouse takes care to avoid blindsiding and offers space for the other to process. For fellow coaches and ADR professionals, we share practical readiness tips—open discovery slots, align messaging to “divorce decision month,” refresh templates, and protect your own container against compassion fatigue—so you can meet the January surge with clarity and heart. Preparation is peace. Subscribe, share this episode with a colleague who needs a January playbook, and leave a review telling us which stage your clients struggle with most.

To connect Dori through her role with DCA:
Dori Braddell, DCA Certified Divorce Coach; Director of Education and Development for DCA Canada
Email: dca.ca@divorcecoachesacademy.com 

Dori's private practice: https://www.thedivorcementor.ca/about-me

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Divorce can knock the wind out of the protector identity many men carry. We explore what happens when that role shakes, why so many dads go silent, and how outcome-oriented coaching can turn conflict into a proving ground for empathy, clarity, and calm co-parenting. 

In this DCA Podcast episode, Tracy welcomes JH Harper, a DCA-certified ADR divorce coach and executive communication coach, who works primarily with fathers. Together we get practical about the tools that actually help: the three phrases men struggle to say without a caveat (“I’m sorry,” “I don’t know,” “I need help”), cognitive empathy through role-play, and the SCARF model for mapping triggers around status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness.

We dig into the stories men tell themselves—about failure, blame, and masculinity—and replace them with questions that move things forward. What kind of dad do you want to be in five years? What experience do you want your child to have at big milestones when both parents share the room? Instead of staring at the obstacle, we focus on future mapping, micro-scripts for hard conversations, and agreements that stabilize kids’ routines. JH shares how fatherhood becomes a live wire to empathy and purpose, and why “combat is optional” can be a north star during negotiations and co-parenting.

You’ll hear honest talk about the loneliness men face, shifting gender roles, and the subtle ways language in the divorce space can exclude fathers. Most of all, you’ll get a playbook for redefining strength as accountability, presence, and calm leadership. If you or a dad you love is navigating separation, this conversation offers a way to lift your eyes from the rear-view mirror to the horizon line of a healthier family dynamic.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more real-talk on divorce and conflict, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your feedback shapes future conversations.
______________________________________

JH Harper is a DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach. A former journalist, he is also an executive coach who works with high-profile leaders globally on communications principles. He lives in New York City. 

To follow and connect with JH:

Divorce Transition Coaching For Men: Website 

The Good Change: Substack newsletter

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoachfordads 

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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When love gets loud, decision-making gets messy. We sit down with family law attorney, mediator, and certified ADR divorce coach Lauren Fair to unpack why support from family and friends often feels good in the moment but can quietly anchor clients in rigid positions. From “my cousin got the house” jurisdiction myths to the rallying effect of loyal allies, we trace how emotional justice can overshadow long-term interests and derail reasonable agreements.

Together we map a different path: neutrality, structure, and reality testing. Lauren shares how she helps clients separate feelings from facts, weigh costs against outcomes, and align choices with core values like stability for kids, financial sustainability, and healthier communication. We talk through funding dynamics—when a parent pays for services and expects a say—and how to reset power imbalances without blowing up negotiations. You’ll hear practical tools you can use immediately: boundary scripts that honor love while declining directives, somatic cues to sense whether a choice is grounded, and a simple framework for designing a support circle on purpose.

For clients, treat advice as data and keep your hands on the wheel. For family and friends, the most loving move is to listen more and fix less. And for coaches, expect outside opinions to surface weekly and have a clear protocol ready to normalize the noise, test realities, and protect client agency. Love and protection matter, but clarity and resolution move families forward.

If this conversation sparked insight, subscribe, share it with a colleague, and leave a review. Your support helps more professionals and families move from chaos to clarity.

To reach Lauren and learn more about her practice, visit https://www.sensiblesplitdivorce.com/legal-team/lauren-m-fair/  or reach her by email at lauren@sensiblesplitdivorce.com 

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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The hardest part of co-parenting isn’t agreeing when things are calm—it’s knowing exactly what to do when life changes. We unpack how to design a parenting plan that functions like a family operating system: practical, plain-language, and built to reduce conflict before it starts. With DCA ADR Certified Divorce Coach Dori Braddell joining Tracy, we dig into the decisions that matter most—daily schedules, holidays, make-up time, communication, medical and education choices—and show how to write terms that hold up under stress.

We talk strategy first. Rather than rely on boilerplate, we coach clients to identify intentions, predict “sticky bits,” and reality test assumptions about the other parent. You’ll hear how to draft three-tier proposals that show flexibility without giving away your core interests, how to keep Amy the amygdala buckled in during tough talks, and how to pick the right process for your situation: kitchen table conversation, mediation, collaborative practice, or a structured four-way. We share simple scripts and boundary tools that make saying no, countering, and pausing the conversation feel safe and effective.

Then we get practical. Dori’s parenting plan builder gives clients sample clauses they can mark up and tailor. Visual schedule tools like Custody X Change help families compare 2-2-3, 2-2-5-5, and week-on/week-off rotations at a glance. We outline expense categories beyond basic child support—drivers ed, braces, mental health, extracurriculars, graduations, even grooming—plus thresholds for joint approval to prevent petty fights. Finally, we emphasize review paths and built-in dispute resolution ladders so parents can adapt as kids grow without running to court.

If you’re a divorce coach, mediator, or parent navigating separation, this deep dive will help you create a plan that is clear, fair, and truly usable. Subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review telling us the one clause you wish every parenting plan included.

To contact Dori, visit her personal practice website at https://www.thedivorcementor.ca/about-me  or reach her at her DCA email at dca.ca@divorceocahesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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What if the missing piece in most divorce processes isn’t another document or courtroom strategy, but a steadier, more prepared client? Tracy goes deep on the questions coaches ask most—how to define our role, hold firm boundaries, and position divorce coaching as an essential part of modern alternative dispute resolution.

We start by drawing a bright line between coaching, therapy, and legal work, then show how that clarity protects clients and strengthens outcomes. From there, Tracy shares practical scripts for redirecting legal and clinical requests without losing rapport, and explains how referrals build trust with attorneys and therapists. You’ll hear why coaching functions as the first tier of ADR—stabilizing emotions, clarifying goals, and training low-reactivity communication so mediation and collaboration actually work.

For new coaches, Tracy maps a grassroots growth plan: speak to real pain points, offer community workshops, collaborate with mediators and attorneys, and use authentic content that sounds human, not salesy. 

We also tackle high-conflict dynamics, teaching tools for nervous system regulation, boundary clarity, documentation with intention, and reframing interactions as moments of leadership rather than battles. 

Finally, we look ahead: growing standards, stronger certification norms, deeper integration on divorce teams, and technology that increases access while preserving the craft of conflict coaching.

If you care about elevating this profession—with integrity, clarity, and measurable impact—this conversation is your playbook. Listen, share with your ADR partners, and help us build a future where divorce coaching is recognized as the bridge from reactivity to readiness. 

Enjoyed the episode? Please follow, rate, and leave a review, and send any questions you have to DCA@DivorceCoachesAcademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Ten mentoring rounds don’t happen by accident—they happen because mentorship works. We sit down with mentor and certified ADR divorce coach, family mediator, and co‑parenting specialist Carolyn Jacobs to unpack how structured labs turn theory into confident practice, why the “week five slump” is a turning point, and what shifts when coaches stop chasing answers and start asking sincere, judgment‑free questions. If you’ve ever felt stuck between frameworks and real clients, this conversation offers a practical roadmap and a dose of relief.

We explore the laboratory of mentorship—observe, practice, reflect—where risk is safe, feedback is specific, and humor keeps the room open. Carolyn shares the dance from counting steps to feeling the music, and we expand on a useful analogy: the curriculum is the map; clients are the weather; mentorship is the simulator where you test your gear before the storm. That framing helps new coaches spot activation, set boundaries, stay neutral to outcomes, and build a container strong enough to hold conflict, grief, and big emotions without losing presence or ethics.

Then we move to the next, often-missed step: case consultation. Mentorship builds skill and confidence; consultation nourishes and sustains them over time. We lay out why peer consults prevent blind spots—especially for seasoned coaches who have seen “this kind of case” before—and how listening to newer voices keeps perspective fresh. Carolyn explains how consultation becomes an on‑going quality assurance system for ethical decisions, complex dynamics, and professional growth. We close with what mentoring teaches the mentor: accountability, sharper standards, and a deeper sense of community impact.

If you’re ready to grow—from first sessions to lifelong practice—consider joining a DCA case consultation group or exploring our certification and advanced programs. Subscribe, share this episode with a colleague who could use a lift, and leave a review to tell us your biggest coaching breakthrough.

Connect with Carolyn Jacobs at Ally in Divorce: https://www.allyindivorce.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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The loudest voice in divorce is often the one inside your head—the story that explains everything your ex does and why you’re “right.” We dig into how confirmation bias narrows your view, fuels conflict, and drains families, and we show a better path: shifting from case-building to problem-solving with tools you can use today.

We start by naming how adversarial systems reward selective evidence and turn parents into opposing counsel in their own lives. From emails read in the worst light to kids’ struggles being used as proof, bias escalates stress, legal fees, and the sense of moral certainty that keeps you stuck. Then we pivot to what actually helps: future-focused questions, validation without villainizing, and the move from positions (“I want the house”) to interests (“I need stability and financial security”). You’ll hear practical reframes, co-parenting communication tweaks, and real examples that replace blame with clarity and choice.

For professionals—divorce coaches, mediators, therapists, and attorneys—we offer a blueprint to interrupt bias at the intake question, honor emotions without fueling grievance, and design processes that lower costs while protecting kids. For parents, we highlight simple, child-centered habits that rebuild trust and keep decisions grounded in what matters most. The punchline is simple: being right won’t raise your children or heal your nervous system; building a livable future will.

If you’re ready to trade adversarial autopilot for collaboration and calm, press play. Then share your biggest reframe, subscribe for more grounded guidance, and leave a review to help more families find their way forward.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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What happens when a country makes mediation free for every separating family—but removes the preparation that makes it work? We dig into New Zealand’s bold FDR shift with Mediator and Divorce Coach Nikki Bould, unpacking the real-world impact of funding cuts, waitlists, and the shortage of child inclusion specialists. From the outside, “free” looks like progress; inside the system, parents are queued up, dysregulated, and often walking into high-stakes conversations without the skills or context to succeed.

We walk through the practical trade-offs: why even a short prep window can change outcomes, what child-inclusive practice adds to parent decision-making, and how coaching complements therapy by building forward-focused skills when emotions run hot. Nikki shares on-the-ground insights from mediators and family lawyers, highlighting where families stall, why some head straight to court after a failed mediation, and how a coaching-led approach can reduce escalation and make every professional’s job easier. We also explore a Kiwi-specific vision for parenting coordination—interdisciplinary, culturally aligned, and designed to keep agreements durable and kids at the center.

If you care about child well-being, equitable access to justice, and practical tools that actually move families forward, this conversation offers clear next steps. Learn how early coaching can stabilize parents, how to translate a child’s voice into better plans, and what advocates can do to build bridges across law, mediation, and mental health. Subscribe, share with a colleague who supports separating families, and leave a review to help more people find these tools.

To contact Nikki Bould:
dca.nz@divorcecoachesacademy.com or
nikki@thehelpfulhuman.nz
ADSI.org.nz

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Ever wondered what's truly driving the most difficult divorce cases? Fear might be the hidden force behind excessive legal fees, ongoing conflicts, and harmful decisions that impact families for years to come.

The fears inventory is a powerful but often overlooked tool in the divorce coach's arsenal. As divorce coaches, when we help clients identify and address their deepest concerns—about conflict, finances, and parenting—we transform their ability to navigate the process. Fear doesn't always announce itself clearly. Instead, it manifests as controlling behavior, conflict escalation, perfectionism, or complete shutdown. Most tellingly, it appears as decision paralysis, where clients believe they're being strategic when their nervous system has actually thrown them into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Through techniques like validation, exploring emotional undercurrents, using a future self lens, externalizing fear, and building body awareness, coaches can help clients move from fear-based to values-based decision making. This isn't about eliminating fear entirely—it's about putting it in the backseat so it's not driving the divorce process. When we help clients distinguish between what they can and cannot control, we reconnect them with their agency during a time when helplessness often takes over.

The real magic happens when clients can align their decisions with their values instead of their fears. This transformation builds not just a better divorce outcome but long-term emotional resilience that serves clients well beyond the signing of final papers. Are you helping your clients identify what's keeping them up at night? If not, you might be missing the most powerful intervention available in your coaching toolkit. Join us to discover how addressing fear changes everything in the divorce coaching journey.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

What can a children's fairy tale possibly teach us about divorce? As it turns out, quite a lot. The story of the Three Little Pigs offers a surprisingly perfect framework for understanding how different approaches to divorce preparation yield dramatically different outcomes.

Some clients rush through their divorce process, making quick, reactive decisions—building with "straw." They might retain the most aggressive attorney they can find out of anger or fear, or just try to "get it over with" because they're exhausted. Others put in a bit more effort—the "stick" builders—talking to lawyers, downloading checklists, maybe reading a book or two. But they often miss the deeper emotional preparation, conflict pattern awareness, and values clarification that truly matters.

The wisest approach? Building with "bricks"—taking time to assess the landscape, understand the risks, and plan for resilience. This means assembling the right team (attorney, financial specialist, therapist, and yes, a divorce coach), getting clear on values and goals, developing communication skills, and learning emotional regulation. When the inevitable "wolf" comes—whether that's court conflict, custody challenges, or financial hurdles—this brick foundation stands strong.

As divorce coaches, we help clients slow down and shift from crisis thinking to strategic planning. We serve as the quarterback of their professional team, helping them engage the right specialists at the right time in the most effective ways. We aren't just offering emotional support (though that matters too); we're strategists, thinking partners, and often the only person in their life who sees the whole picture rather than just one component.

The difference between merely getting through a divorce and going through it well lies in this brick-by-brick approach—intentional, informed, and aligned with long-term wellbeing. When you work with clients who are panicking, remember the pigs. Are you helping them rush toward a straw solution, or are you guiding them to build something that will truly protect them when the winds of change start blowing?

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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The weight of an unspoken "I'm sorry" can anchor someone in pain long after a marriage ends. This powerful episode explores why apologies matter so deeply in divorce, and more importantly, how to move forward when they never arrive.

Divorce isn't just legal paperwork—it's an emotional rupture filled with pain and broken trust. An apology validates that pain, creating transformative moments where years of resentment can soften in an instant. When one person offers even partial acknowledgment, the atmosphere shifts; shoulders relax, breathing deepens, and suddenly impossible issues become negotiable. But what happens when that apology never comes?

Many clients believe they can't heal until their ex admits wrongdoing, effectively tying their recovery to something outside their control. This mindset becomes a prison of anger and resentment. Drawing from John and Julie Gottman's groundbreaking research on relationship repair, we share practical strategies for finding closure without external validation: self-validation exercises, perspective reframing, symbolic rituals, and focusing on future goals rather than past wounds. We explore how unacknowledged emotional needs often sabotage negotiations, causing clients to dig in on assets or schedules when what they're really seeking is recognition of their pain.

The journey toward healing without apology requires understanding that lack of apology often reflects the other person's limitations, not your worth. With guided self-discovery, you can separate emotional closure from practical outcomes, allowing you to negotiate effectively and, most importantly, free yourself from carrying resentment that only weighs you down. Listen now to discover how to carry your own key to healing rather than waiting at a door that may never open.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
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Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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When alcohol concerns collide with custody arrangements, families need more than good intentions—they need accountability. Laura Crossett joins the Divorce Coaches Academy podcast to reveal how Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system transforms high-conflict co-parenting situations into manageable, child-centered arrangements.

Laura brings rare insight as both a recovery professional and former monitored client herself. "I saw firsthand the drastic improvement in my family relationships," she shares, explaining how objective test data eliminated the need for accusations or defensiveness. Her 18-year recovery journey and decade of experience with Soberlink technology offer authentic perspective on rebuilding trust between separated parents.

The conversation explores how Soberlink works—a portable breathalyzer with built-in identity verification through digital photography, providing court-admissible, tamper-proof results in real time. What makes this technology particularly valuable is its ability to shift the dialogue away from addiction labels toward practical child safety. Rather than demanding lifelong sobriety, the system simply asks: "Can you commit to being alcohol-free during your parenting time?" This approach reduces stigma while keeping focus where it belongs—on children's wellbeing.

Perhaps most powerfully, Soberlink creates pathways for children to maintain relationships with both parents when drinking concerns might otherwise limit contact. For concerned parents, it offers freedom from hypervigilance and constant worry. "You can actually do something fun for yourself instead of worry," Laura notes, highlighting how the technology allows both parents to be more present and emotionally available.

Recognizing financial accessibility matters, Laura details the Family Assistance Program and new device rental options that make monitoring more affordable across different income levels. For divorce coaches, family law attorneys and parents navigating this challenging territory, Soberlink represents more than technology—it's a neutral third party that verifies compliance, eliminates accusations, and helps families move forward with confidence.

Are you a DCA certified divorce coach? Ask us about the Soberlink-DCA Affiliate program

Visit the Soberlink website: www.soberlink.com/divorce/family-law

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Divorce coaching isn't just for one type of professional anymore. What began as a niche service has evolved into a versatile skill set embraced by lawyers, mediators, paralegals, therapists, financial professionals, mortgage lenders, realtors and entrepreneurs—each using these powerful tools in unique ways.

For attorneys, divorce coach certification addresses a critical gap in legal education. While law school prepares them for legal analysis and courtroom advocacy, it rarely teaches the soft skills needed to manage highly emotional clients making life-altering decisions. Certified divorce coach training provides structured frameworks for helping clients regulate emotions, clarify values, and make informed choices. Lawyers who complete our program consistently report more productive client meetings, less time spent on emotional management, and greater professional satisfaction. As one family law attorney with decades of experience told us, "This is the best continuing education I've ever taken."

Mediators find that coaching skills dramatically improve client preparation and engagement. The ability to help clients articulate needs, understand interests (rather than positions), and develop realistic expectations transforms mediation outcomes. Meanwhile, paralegals and other legal support professionals discover new career opportunities, with some boutique firms now creating dedicated in-house divorce coach positions—a trend that benefits both clients and legal teams by reducing stress and improving service delivery.

Beyond the legal field, our certification attracts therapists seeking to expand their practice, financial professionals wanting to better understand the emotional components of financial decisions during divorce, and entrepreneurs building innovative support services. What unites this diverse community is a commitment to transforming how people experience divorce—reducing unnecessary conflict, preserving co-parenting relationships, and empowering clients to make thoughtful decisions during a challenging life transition.

Whether you're looking to enhance your existing professional skills or create an entirely new career path, DCA's revolutionary divorce coach certification offers a structured methodology grounded in alternative dispute resolution principles. Our approach teaches that while conflict in divorce is inevitable, combat is optional. Ready to be part of this professional revolution? Our next certification cohorts begin in October, and we'd love to welcome you to this growing community of practice-changing professionals.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Feeling unheard or misunderstood by their divorce professionals can add another layer of stress to an already challenging process for our clients. What happens when their attorney seems dismissive or their forensic accountant isn't addressing their concerns? More importantly, how can you help your client effectively advocate for themselves without damaging these critical professional relationships?

This episode tackles one of the most persistent challenges we see clients face: conflict with the very professionals they've hired to support them. Tracy and Debra explore this delicate territory with practical wisdom, offering a framework for both divorce coaches and their clients to navigate these situations effectively. Rather than simply validating frustrations, we examine how to transform these moments into opportunities for developing lifelong conflict resolution skills.

At the heart of our approach is the understanding that most professional conflicts stem from misalignments in communication styles, expectations, or priorities—not sabotage. We break down specific techniques like creating "conflict prep sheets," practicing non-violent communication, and managing emotional reactivity when power dynamics feel intimidating. These tools help clients move from feeling victimized to becoming empowered advocates for their needs.

The skills developed through addressing these professional relationship challenges extend far beyond divorce. When clients learn to assert themselves effectively with their attorney or accountant, that newfound confidence transfers to negotiations, co-parenting, workplace interactions, and countless other relationships. As we often say, communication is both the source of conflict and its solution—making these skills among the most valuable tools we can provide our clients.

Whether you're a divorce coach looking to better support clients through professional relationship challenges or someone navigating your own divorce journey, this episode offers actionable strategies for turning conflict into opportunity. Ready to transform how you approach difficult conversations? Listen now and discover why we consider ourselves "conflict junkies" who believe in the life-changing potential of mastering these essential skills.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Navigating the stormy waters of divorce conflict requires more than good intentions—it demands specific skills, awareness, and strategies. Tracy and Debra tackle this crucial topic that affects every divorcing couple at some point, revealing the true costs that extend far beyond legal fees.

When people enter conflict during divorce, their nervous systems shift into survival mode. In this dysregulated state, rational decision-making becomes nearly impossible. As we explain, "When emotion is high, intelligence is low"—a reality demonstrated perfectly by Will Smith's Oscar slap and its decade-long consequences. This reactivity creates a cascade of costs: financial (skyrocketing legal bills over sometimes minor issues), emotional (prolonged psychological distress), relational (damaged co-parenting dynamics), and generational (children who absorb and internalize conflict patterns). Most painfully, high-conflict divorces can stretch for years, preventing everyone from moving forward.

Properly trained divorce coaches occupy a unique position to break this cycle. Unlike attorneys or therapists, we help clients develop self-awareness about their conflict styles, recognize triggers, and build practical communication skills like BIFF responses (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm). The exciting reality is that it only takes one person changing the way they engage in conflict to transform the entire dynamic. Through techniques like conflict mapping, coaches help clients shift from feeling victimized to recognizing their agency and options. For co-parents especially, these skills prove invaluable as they navigate relationships that continue long after legal proceedings conclude.

Ready to deepen your conflict resolution skills? Join our six-week deep dive into the RESOLVE framework starting September 15th. Whether you're a DCA certified coach looking to expand your expertise or a coach certified elsewhere seeking foundational conflict training, we have options for you. Contact us at dca@divorcecoachesacademy.com to learn how you can help your clients move from reactivity to intentional response.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Ready for some straight talk about building a divorce coaching practice? Forget the overnight success stories you've seen on social media. The path to a thriving practice follows a predictable pattern that requires patience, consistency, and strategic action.

Tracy and Debra break down the four distinct phases every successful divorce coach navigates. The Foundation Phase (months 1-3) is all about behind-the-scenes work – establishing your niche, setting up systems, and creating your brand. Though clients aren't flooding in yet, this groundwork is essential. Next comes the Visibility Phase (months 3-9), where you're networking, creating content, and often feeling like you're "shouting into the void." This is where many coaches get discouraged, but perseverance during this period builds the trust and recognition that eventually leads to clients.

The Growth Phase (months 9-18) brings your first consistent clients and referrals but also requires you to think like a CEO. Systems need refinement, continuing education becomes crucial, and mentorship can accelerate your progress. Finally, the Scaling Phase (18+ months) is when things "really start to click" – your practice becomes sustainable, and you can explore group programs or digital offerings without burning out.

What makes this journey manageable? Community support, realistic expectations, and celebrating small wins along the way. Whether you're just starting out or somewhere along this path, remember that building a profitable practice is absolutely possible – just not overnight. What small step can you take today toward building your sustainable divorce coaching business?

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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"Nesting" sounds like the perfect solution when parents divorce – children stay in the comfort of their family home while mom and dad are the ones who rotate in and out. But what happens when one parent returns to find empty refrigerators, piles of dirty laundry, and dust bunnies the size of a softball? Tracy and Debra discuss both the promises and the pitfalls of this increasingly popular custody option.

We unpack the logistics of maintaining multiple households, the financial strain this arrangement can create, and the exceptional level of communication required between separating spouses. From locked bedroom doors in shared apartments to negotiations about who buys the groceries, the seemingly small details often become major sticking points that can derail even the most well-intentioned nesting plans.

While nesting can provide children with stability during the turbulence of divorce, it requires parents to honestly assess whether their co-parenting relationship can handle this unique arrangement. We share real client experiences, practical coaching strategies for evaluating if nesting aligns with your values, and crucial questions to consider before agreeing to this setup. For those willing to create clear agreements and boundaries, nesting might offer a compassionate transition period – but it's rarely a permanent solution.

Whether you're contemplating this arrangement for your family or supporting clients through divorce as a coach, this discussion provides realistic guidance on when nesting works, when it doesn't, and how to set clear expectations from the beginning. If you've had experience with nesting arrangements, we'd love to hear about it – connect with us through social media or at divorcecoachesacademy.com to share your insights.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Compassion fatigue silently affects countless divorce coaches—many don't even realize they're experiencing it until they're deep in burnout territory. Tracy and Debra tackle this critical topic by explaining how the very empathy that makes coaches effective can become their downfall without proper boundaries.

The conversation dives into what compassion fatigue actually looks like in real coaching scenarios—that emotional exhaustion when you can't stop thinking about a client's problems, the way you might feel angry on behalf of a client, or how certain sessions leave you completely drained. These aren't just normal professional challenges; they're warning signs that your professional container needs reinforcement.

What makes this episode particularly valuable is the practical framework Tracy and Debra provide for maintaining a sustainable coaching practice. They introduce the concept of the "professional container"—both external (how you structure your practice) and internal (how you manage your mindset and emotional responses). This container isn't about distancing yourself from clients' pain but rather creating boundaries that allow you to provide consistent, clear-headed support without absorbing their trauma.

The most powerful insight comes when they assert: "Empathy without containment becomes contagion." This perspective shift alone could transform how coaches approach their work. Rather than seeing boundaries as limitations on caring, Tracy and Debra reframe them as the essential infrastructure that makes deep, sustainable compassion possible.

Whether you're new to divorce coaching or a seasoned professional who's feeling the weight of client struggles, this episode offers concrete strategies to strengthen your practice—from establishing rituals of release between sessions to engaging in regular peer support and continuing education. These aren't just self-care luxuries; they're professional necessities for anyone committed to this emotionally demanding field.

Curious about strengthening your professional container? Visit divorcecoachesacademy.com to explore our training programs, case consultation groups, and professional development opportunities designed specifically for divorce coaches who want to bring their best selves to this important work.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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The search for emotional justice can become an invisible prison for those navigating divorce. While completely understandable, this pursuit often keeps people tethered to pain long after legal proceedings conclude.

Debra and Tracy dive deep into why clients become fixated on making their ex-partners acknowledge wrongdoing, apologize sincerely, or face consequences. They explore the neurological reality behind this pattern—how the brain remains in a heightened state of stress, treating emotional injury as an ongoing threat that must be resolved. This explains why many divorced individuals spend months or even years mentally rehearsing arguments or crafting the perfect message that might finally make their ex understand.

The cost of this fixation is staggering. Beyond precious time wasted, children absorb the tension and learn unhealthy conflict resolution skills. Financial decisions suffer, careers stall, and social relationships deteriorate as friends grow weary of repetitive grievances. Most critically, this pursuit hands continued power to the very person who caused harm, creating a form of voluntary emotional imprisonment.

Through case studies and practical examples, the hosts share powerful coaching strategies to help clients reclaim their agency. These include redirecting energy toward future possibilities, conducting "energy audits" to reveal how much mental bandwidth is being wasted, separating practical accountability measures from emotional justice outcomes, and developing internal validation skills. They explain why completion ceremonies, justice letters, and redefining "winning" can be transformative.

Moving beyond the need for emotional justice doesn't mean pretending the hurt didn't happen. Rather, it means choosing freedom over vindication and self-determination over dependency. As Tracy and Debra powerfully articulate, the most profound justice often comes not from making an ex-partner acknowledge wrongdoing, but from creating a life so vibrant and fulfilling that their opinion no longer matters—showing your children what a true comeback looks like.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com