My Hardest Year Yet

I’m doing things a bit differently this episode, and I’m opening up about the hardest teaching year I’ve had so far in my career.

I explain the different factors that worked together to make it a perfect storm, and why I want to go back to the classroom with a refreshed and new perspective.

In this episode of Real Teacher Talk, I get vulnerable and share things that went on my last year of teaching (so far) both in my personal life and my professional life that contributed to it being a terrible year. I talk about some things I would have done differently, and share what I’ve learned since taking my leave of absence. A lot has changed in my life since that year!

While difficult years are simply a reality for anyone, I want to remind my listeners that these challenges are temporary and it won’t always be this hard.

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*Content warning relating to infertility/pregnancy loss.

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Transcript

00:00

Today's episode is a bit different, I'm having some real talk, but I'm talking about my teaching experience. And I want to share the worst year I ever had as a teacher and hopes that you don't feel alone. If you may be struggling right now yourself.

00:21

Now with teaching, right, there's always the good with the bad. You know, there's things that are challenging, and we get through it, we figure it out. But this one year, in particular, I feel like really, really forced me to look at the profession. And it still has lasting effects right now. Like, if anything, I would love to be back in the classroom. So that my year that was really, really hard, is that kind of where I leave things off. So I'm going to share a little bit of a trigger warning, there is, you know, chat about fertility or infertility and miscarriage. So the year I'm talking about was a really, really hard year, because the first day of our staff meeting in service, you know, before the school year started, I started treatment for infertility, we've been seeing a doctor that summer, and so I had my first procedure. And then for those first couple months of school, I was having doctor appointments, fertility appointments, you know, that were about an hour away. 

In traffic, I think their last appointment was at 2:30pm. And for all of you, you know, there's no way we're done teaching by then. And so it was constant juggling trying to figure out if I could have the sub, like, do I take a day off? How am I going to get there, and as you know, we don't get a lot of sub days. So it was just changing all the time. And then my doctor would call me, you know, the night before being like, hey, we need you here tomorrow. And so it just made things really, really challenging. So that was the first thing that was really tough. And then emotionally, you're just going through if any of you've been through infertility, treatment, there's just so much emotionally, it's like a roller coaster. And you just, it's like a waiting game. 

And if you're anything like me, I am not a good waiter, I am a planner, I need to know what's going on or else my anxiety is through the roof. And this was not something that I could control. And then on top of that all the medications and shots and things like that you're taking make your hormones go wild. And I didn't know that first. And I was like, Why am I crying? Why am I freaking out? What's going on? So on top of that, you know, I have that going on with a really challenging class. And we were warned, you know,

02:50

you know, there's always kind of that group every couple of years where all the previous teachers are like, Yeah, this is a group, it's, it's going to be a tough year. So kind of already had that happening on top of like scheduling all these appointments and things like that. And then I knew

03:08

I knew I was probably going to go on leave the next year, if we were to get pregnant, I really wanted to try out running easy teaching tools full time. And I wanted to stay at home with my future baby if that happened. So I knew before I did all that I really wanted to take on having a student teacher, that was something I felt I was finally prepared for it was my 13th year in the classroom. So I'm like, let's do this, I'd love to share what I know, I think I'd be a really good mentor. And I'd really love to help someone who's early on in their career. And so I went in with really high hopes. And there were a lot of red flags. And I don't want to get into that to call anybody out. But it was a nightmare of a situation that took a lot more energy than I even planned. And it just wasn't a good fit. Do you ever have that where you're trying to work with someone? And no matter what you suggest, no matter how you try to help.

04:15

They're like, Yeah, I got it. And it doesn't happen. And it's just really frustrating. And as someone who's a mentor, teacher, these are your students, they're your responsibility at the end of the day. And so that that that wasn't going so good. It was it was a mess. In fact, this person, you know, didn't end up being recommended going forward to teach because it was just that much of a mess. And so that's going on during that time for probably four months and it was really stressful because it was a lot more work.

04:58

And then you know what the for abilities up on top of that, it just, it just made it hard. It was like all these things happening for like this perfect storm. And gosh, just thinking about it, it was just, it was a challenge. And so we have that battle going on. And couple months before that I find out that there is a family in my class, who's really, really unhappy with me.

05:32

And instead of talking to me about it, they constantly are going to my admin at the time. And when I first heard about it, I was completely shocked because it didn't have a lot to do with the classroom. It had to do with things that were happening outside. For instance, me having a glass of wine at a Bruno Mars concert with my mom. That day, I found out that I miscarried. And I was absolutely devastated. That day, it was one of the worst days of my life. And so yeah, I'm gonna have a glass of wine with my mom, we're in LA.

06:14

It was supposed to be like a celebratory thing. And it wasn't. And so this family followed me on my social media, easy teaching tools, and complained that I did that. And they complained about a lot of other things that year. And it felt like this massive invasion of privacy, even though I'm putting kind of my life out there for I don't know, 60,000 people, it felt a little creepy maybe would be the word. Just I felt like I was being tattled on, and they weren't happy with things that I'd post or, you know, products or things that I was given in my classroom, to be able to use with my students that I would share about and I get that part, looking back now.

07:05

of some of the things I was sharing, I thought I was bringing just extra great opportunities for my students that maybe I wouldn't have received, if I didn't have a social media account. But I don't know, when I look at it, it just felt a bit frustrating. Because I'm trying to be the best teacher I can be I can trying to run my business. And I'm constantly within meetings with my admin about what was being posted or when things are being posted. And the funny thing is, this whole digital, online space is new for a lot of people and people, you know, maybe don't understand it. But I had an assistant at the time who was posting things for me, so I'm not doing it during contract hours or things like that. But they didn't know that. So that was the kind of stuff I was dealing with throughout the whole year. And at first I felt like I wasn't being supported by my admin, which wasn't the case. But at the time, you know, I'm hormonal elbow, all this stuff going on. And it just felt really, really frustrating. And eventually,

08:13

you know, we had to get all sorts of different higher up people on board to see kind of what was really happening. Because the sad thing was this family brought her friends into it. And they would, you know, watch different videos of mine or different posts. And they had this little group where they would go and make fun of me make fun of my voice. What I was doing, they had nicknames for me, it was really, really mean girl kind of stuff. And someone in that group reached out to me saying, Hey, this is going on. I want you to know this. And you know, I have screenshots and things like that of it. And I remember one being mortified to being really, really angry because I felt really disrespected. And three, being creeped out by the situation that they're you know, spending this time watching me and talking about me.

09:15

And it just didn't feel good. It didn't feel good, because we're supposed to be working together in the best interest of their child. And then all this is going on behind the scenes and I had no idea and so that that was really disheartening that year. It was really frustrating and, and like I said, eventually higher ups, you know, admin and HR and things like that came in and you know, at the end of the day, we're like you're not doing anything wrong, don't post anything at contract time, nothing of the kids. And it's fine because they presented solutions to this, this family of things that, you know, they could do if they're someone happy and didn't want to take any of them up, but here's the most mortifying thing. It was. What was it back to school night

10:00

Open house night, I would take pictures of, you know, families and their kids with the, you know, the cute sign saying I'm almost done, you know, whatever the next grade is, and they'd hand me their phone and I take the picture. Well, at the time, this family handed me their phone. And if they're listening, they may not know this happened. One of their friends, I'm assuming from that group using the nickname they gave me, sent a snarky comment about me.

10:27

And her heading into, you know, this open house night, as she's handing me the phone. So that did not feel good. It was to the point where even admin had to be in the room while they were there, to ensure like, nothing went down, it was just super, super toxic. And if you've ever been in a toxic school environment, you'll get that it feels just completely out of control. Because you can't do anything about it really, besides quit. And so when I say toxic, I don't mean my actual school was toxic, because it wasn't it was amazing. It was just that scenario and that experience. And so it was a bummer. It was a bummer that that was going on that year. 

And as that was going on. It just it just stunk. And I tried that year, I tried flexible seating, and looking back. And I remember having a teacher at the time, saying, Hey, do you think this could be why you're having so many, you know, why the school year is so challenging, because the group was a really sweet group. But it was a challenging group. And so part of me wonders if I went back to traditional seating, would that have helped at all with the year there were just so many things, that it was hard, it was just hard. And I share some of this with you. 

Because maybe it's hard for you right now. And maybe you've got all these things that feel out of control, or maybe unfair, and you're questioning how much longer you could do this. And I know for me, my light at the end of the tunnel was knowing that at the end of that year, I was going to go on leave, because I actually ended up getting pregnant in the spring of that school year. And I just knew, hey, maybe these are signs, signs that it's time to take a little break, time to step back to kind of have a reset. You know, if I wasn't having a baby, I would just be telling myself in that situation, hey, this is a hard year. 

And it's one year out of all these years that I've been teaching, and next year is going to be better, or I'm going to reflect and make changes. Because when I look at that situation, no, I had no control over the infertility. I told my husband, if we ever go through that process, again, I'm not going to be in the classroom during that because I had to take out or take away so much time from my students or it was so stressful, trying to plan appointments and make it there and I it just wasn't the best situation to looking back. I don't know if I would take on a student teacher again. There were red flags early on that maybe I would pay attention to and act on sooner.

13:17

Here's your swan. When you when you email your cooperating teacher, make sure the picture that you have, you know, on your account, your Gmail account or whatever is appropriate. So not you without a shirt being a selfie, like Roach and picture, don't do that present your best foot forward. But I probably would pay attention to some of those things. I don't want to say I'd let a bad experience prevent me from doing it. But I would question the whole I guess system. You know, the student teacher system, whatever that look like I would get clear on that before I'd say heck yes, let's do it again. Third thing with families, you can't control the families who are coming into your classroom, you can't control how they treat you. I mean, yes, you could set your expectations. But sometimes they're going to do what they're going to do. So if they look back at that situation.

14:18

I don't know if I do anything different because holding a meeting, I don't think would be the best scenario. In that case, we had plenty of meetings with the admin. It's just one of those things, I probably wouldn't let them get under my skin so much and take away or give them my power because I only can control what I'm doing in my classroom. And that's it. And so at the end of the day, I think if I didn't have everything else going on, maybe it wouldn't have had as big of an effect on me. As it did flexible seating. I probably wouldn't do it with that group. And looking back just to simplify things. I was kind of at the stage in my career where I'm like, let's try something new.

15:00

Oh, probably wouldn't do it with that. Look at other areas to maybe grow as an educator. So I share all this because it's not all rainbows and sunshine, it's not you know, everything's going well. And I haven't shared all of this before I've shared maybe bits and pieces. But that was a year.

15:22

That was a year that I look back on. And wish it it didn't turn out the way that it did. And so that year makes me want to go back and have a better year and in a weird kind of way prove to myself that I am a good teacher. And just because one family was unhappy with me doesn't reflect all the other families that were or all the other students who really loves me or the impact that I've had on education. And I think I'd go back looking at things differently now from a different lens of just being a mom. And I would do things a little bit differently. So share all that to give you a little hope to give you a little inspiration, and that you can see that it it's not going to be hard forever. And there's some changes that maybe you can make on your end to kind of take your power back and situations where you feel really, really stuck.

16:24

So sending you massive hugs and thanking you for letting me be a bit vulnerable and sharing about the worst teaching year I have had thus far in my career and remembering it is temporary. And remembering it's not always going to be as hard as it is as it is and being grateful and looking at those challenges as learning opportunities. Because they were like always I appreciate you being here. Go do something fun for yourself. You enjoy it. Actually, no, take that off. Not you enjoy it. You deserve it.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

felt, year, admin, appointments, happening, students, situation, teacher, challenging, classroom, share, teaching, flexible seating, control, family, group, post, remember, infertility, worst